Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

July 7, 2015

Faith,

Keep tapering every 4 days like Alto said.........your buspar.

And just keep telling you thoughts and confusion that THESE ARE ALL WITHDRAWAL..........and I repeat..............................THESE ARE ALL WITHDRAWAL.

Can you take a bath? Do you have responsibilities to attend to? Or can you get them covered?

I think my worst freakout stage came right after I started here......thank goodness for that..........and it all felt so urgent and sheer pandemonium. It might have lasted a few weeks even.......but lessened or at least gave me brief reprieves.

Now I am just slow and depressed and bored but can't get busy because I feel paralyzed to act at all.

And okay......Just look on up the string and see what Alto told you last. Here I will see if I can copy it.

I would keep reducing buspirone every 4 days, as we discussed, Faith.

To minimize the drugs, you have to reduce the dosage.

Could someone following this topic remind Faith to reduce buspirone every 4 days until she's off it? Thank you.

July 7, 2015

Fresh said she would even help you keep track!

So give us the facts of your Buspar reduction and dates. Focusing on details will help.

Oh yah you are in the living hell stage of ugly withdrawal. Would you like a cup of tea?

July 7, 2015

Fresh said she would even help you keep track!

So give us the facts of your Buspar reduction and dates. Focusing on details will help.

Oh yah you are in the living hell stage of ugly withdrawal. Would you like a cup of tea?

Many, Faith isn't going through withdrawals - she's overmedicated and getting interaction effects that are causing unthinkably intolerable side effects. This is why Altostrata is recommending a relatively quick taper, to get off the drugs and start eliminating the drug interactions.

July 7, 2015

Thank you, oskcajga, you have explained it well. And thank you, Fresh, for volunteering to coach Faith in her reductions.

Faith, you are taking 8 drugs that are causing terrible side effects and eroding your health.

To be absolutely honest, my guess is you won't even start to feel better until you are off at least 3 or 4 of the 8 drugs. And even then, it might be quite a while before your nervous system settles down.

You cannot expect to feel better right away either by taking an additional drug or by going off any of the drugs. Your nervous system is too riled up. But you must go off the drugs somehow.

You are in a situation where withdrawal symptoms are a relatively minor risk compared to the adverse effects of the drugs. If you went to a hospital, they probably would put you in the psychiatric ward, take you off all 8 drugs right away, then put you on a whopping dose of an antipsychotic such as Seroquel plus a benzo, to calm you down.

I very, very rarely suggest that anyone go to the hospital to go off drugs, but if you cannot focus on steady reductions, I think that might be the best option for you. I encourage you to consider it.

July 7, 2015

Sorry I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here.

Faith, it's up to you what you want to do..but if that happened at the hospital and you were only on the two, it may relieve this huge burden of taking all these drugs that are making you ill..you may be down from 8 to just two. And you would t have to worry about remembering dosages and reducing..

What do you think?

Either way you will be better than this, this intensity will not last

Hugs xx

July 7, 2015

Thank you, oskcajga, you have explained it well. And thank you, Fresh, for volunteering to coach Faith in her reductions.

Faith, you are taking 8 drugs that are causing terrible side effects and eroding your health.

To be absolutely honest, my guess is you won't even start to feel better until you are off at least 3 or 4 of the 8 drugs. And even then, it might be quite a while before your nervous system settles down.

You cannot expect to feel better right away either by taking an additional drug or by going off any of the drugs. Your nervous system is too riled up. But you must go off the drugs somehow.

You are in a situation where withdrawal symptoms are a relatively minor risk compared to the adverse effects of the drugs. If you went to a hospital, they probably would put you in the psychiatric ward, take you off all 8 drugs right away, then put you on a whopping dose of an antipsychotic such as Seroquel plus a benzo, to calm you down.

I very, very rarely suggest that anyone go to the hospital to go off drugs, but if you cannot focus on steady reductions, I think that might be the best option for you. I encourage you to consider it.

Out of curiosity, could she also try reducing the wellbutrin and the lexipro simultaneously before trying the hospital route? Say a 5mg drop in the lexapro and a 50mg drop in the wellbutrin? Wait 1-2 weeks and try again?

July 7, 2015

My dr put me on these 8 drugs. Go to the hospital and be given antipsychotics??? I went crazy from seroquel. There is only one hospital, they treat you horribly, they have accused me of not wanting to come home, they drugged me, they humiliated me they tortured me, i went there voluntarely every time to hope to get better. The reason was because diff meds added and changed increased that almost killed me and caused me syndromes, one of the drs told me i had hyperventilation syndrome smiling ( due to the increase in Zoloft) and would beg him to lower it and he wouldn t, verbal abuse, they wouldn t look at me and live me therebarely breathing my roomate would go get the nurse and they wouldn t come. I am a victim a these treatments i have been tortured like hell and you want me to go back there.... My dr will be the one in charge of me he doesn t even believe the meds have anything to do with it. And Know i am also suffering from past withdrawals my system hasn t recovered yet and it may never recover....you advise me to go back there??? Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital for for mths? Have you been institutionalized hoping to "help you" and taken cold turkey off benzos ?? I haven t recovered from that yet. And tried on other and other and other meds, going into neuroleptic syndrome,

So your advice is for me to go to the hospital?

July 7, 2015

That is how I went to the hospital last yr with 2 meds: zoloft and valium. Voluntarely, to detox from the Valium. After a year of Ct valium and a bunch of antipsychotics changed, they almost killed a couple of times, i came back with 8 meds to cover up the mess they did out of me by Getting me CY off the valium and giving adding two other meds or so i don t remember and taken to ER maybe i had sesures but i remember being on the floor ... My dr Accused me of trying to scare the nurses!!!!!!!! At the Er they looked at the meds and they said i was taking quite alot plus the rapid valium off wich trigered nerve pain i was screaming of burning all over and trigeminal neuralgia. I didn t know where i was i was brain dead pain nobody could communicate with me my dr thought i was faking it or that i had i don t know what disorders humiliated by nurses verbal abuse by patients. And go back to take me off these meds iCT and kill me?? Maybe that s a good idea i ll go even crazier and they ll inject me with antypsychotics and finally die

July 7, 2015

I know what i have to do i have to kill myself. I am not meant to be. I can t take this torture and it is not your fault it is my fault. And i am an evil person.

It is all my fault and i am making everybody crazy.

July 7, 2015

You are meant to be. You re not evil..you've given people a lot of comforting words on their threads. And your not making people crazy. We are all just trying to help xxx

July 7, 2015

Love that is how i feel. It is chemical, i think it is also withdrawal from buspar too, i am very sensitive ,side effects.

No more hospital. Only the thought of it is traumatizing. I had a "window" a break of calmness and more clarity mind and body now it s gone

Maybe it is akathisia at it s worst. It takes away my mind my body....

Thank you for caring but no hospital. I d rather die.they cannot help me they will make it worse

I ll try to continue the decrease in buspar.

Please pray for me

July 7, 2015

My dr put me on these 8 drugs. Go to the hospital and be given antipsychotics??? I went crazy from seroquel. There is only one hospital, they treat you horribly, they have accused me of not wanting to come home, they drugged me, they humiliated me they tortured me, i went there voluntarely every time to hope to get better. The reason was because diff meds added and changed increased that almost killed me and caused me syndromes, one of the drs told me i had hyperventilation syndrome smiling ( due to the increase in Zoloft) and would beg him to lower it and he wouldn t, verbal abuse, they wouldn t look at me and live me therebarely breathing my roomate would go get the nurse and they wouldn t come. I am a victim a these treatments i have been tortured like hell and you want me to go back there.... My dr will be the one in charge of me he doesn t even believe the meds have anything to do with it. And Know i am also suffering from past withdrawals my system hasn t recovered yet and it may never recover....you advise me to go back there??? Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital for for mths? Have you been institutionalized hoping to "help you" and taken cold turkey off benzos ?? I haven t recovered from that yet. And tried on other and other and other meds, going into neuroleptic syndrome,

So your advice is for me to go to the hospital?

Before you kill yourself, get off the wellbutrin and lexapro. Might as well see what happens, right? No sense going to the grave taking the medication that's ruined your life - right? With all the antianxiety medication you're taking, I doubt you'll have much of an effect if you do a very rapid taper. So maybe try 50mg reductions from wellbutrin and 5mg reduction of lexapro and see how you feel.

I understand where you are right now, and it's tough to parse apart reality from fiction - and your mind is going all sorts of different directions and everything (including yourself) is evil. I understand and I can say that you'll be peaceful again once you get off the meds. Just trust that God is looking after you, and has brought you to this website.

You might find that God is speaking to you through this website at your time of greatest need.

July 7, 2015

I'm praying for you too honey. You will make it. Don't give up. I know you are suffering horrifically. You had a window? That's amazing! If you had one, you will have many more in the future. You are not evil honey and you are meant to be. You have survived so much, you are strong and brave. Give yourself credit for that. You're just hurt and injured right now - by the drugs and the medical community. It will get better sweety, just hang on and don't give up.

Listen to Alto and let her help you, she has your best interest at heart. We all are rooting for you and want to see you get better. We will not abandon you. You will get better!

July 7, 2015

Hi Faith,

Sorry if I posted something mean or hurtful to you. I was just trying to help you in anyway I could. People care about you here which is why everyone is trying to help you.

Hope you get better.

July 8, 2015

oskcajga, it's like pulling teeth to get Faith to reduce one drug.

I will not take responsibility for advising her on anything as complex as going off the Wellbutrin and the Lexapro or cold-turkeying any of her drugs.

Faith, this is a site for going off drugs. You seem to be very reluctant to taper, and to overreact regarding withdrawal symptoms. I don't want to force you to taper. You do not have to taper if you don't want to.

Yes, my personal belief is that you should go to a hospital to go off your drugs.

This community is very kind and supportive, but this is not a site for general discussion of mental problems or a suicide hotline.

We are not trained or staffed for suicide counseling. As this is only an Internet site, we can't do much but write you notes when you talk of suicide. You must find the suicide hotline in your area and get in the habit of phoning it rather than posting about your suicidal thoughts here.

Look here for suicide hotlines in Canada http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/canada-suicide-hotlines.html

Go here to talk about your mental distress http://www.depressionforums.org/

Other than offering tapering information, I do not believe we can help you further.

July 8, 2015

Altostrata, i Do want to taper, youmust understand that i am not thinking right and i am battling with that and much more with no break. I try and distract by watching a movie or anything and God knows how I understand anything i am seeing or watching or being told.

You must understand that. I do not want to discuss abouty mental problems i am sure i missunderstand everything around me. I am desperate. I wish you would pull my teeth out and for me to be a little bit more normal. And i probably do nor realize it and people here including you have so much patience with me and thank you for that. But i am miunderstanding everything my mind is not normal and this place keeps me alive still. See from your message, i unferstand that i am not wanted here anymore, right?

That is ok , just please tell me what you mean. I still hope I will not get to the hospital because that is where i came back from with 8 meds

July 8, 2015

I think you're scheduled to reduce your dose of medicine in 2 days, I'd suggest you keep up with that suggestion AND find a new doctor ASAP. Just do it, and don't try to think your way out of this situation - your brain is not a reliable source of information right now.

July 8, 2015

Faith, there are limits as to what we can do here.

This is only an Internet site. All we can offer is do-it-yourself information about going off psychiatric drugs.

"Do it yourself" means that every single person here has to take responsibility for measuring their drugs, taking them on a schedule, keeping notes, and managing their taper themselves.

As you have said several times, you are too confused to make decisions about tapering or manage your reductions. You even refuse to answer my questions about your dosage and reductions. Then you went and decreased twice as much Buspar as we had discussed.

If you cannot do manage your taper in a rational way, we cannot help you. Personally, I cannot keep working with you.

We cannot make decisions for you. We cannot measure out your drugs and make sure you take them or taper them. Even though some of us might want to, we cannot visit you and console you.

We cannot respond properly to your expressed existential despair or suicidality. As I said above, we're not trained or staffed for that.

I am sorry you are feeling so poorly. My very strong belief is that if you want to go off drugs, you should go to the hospital. The last time, you came back on only 2 drugs, which somehow got multiplied to 8 with the help of your GP.

While no doubt they will have their own problems, two drugs is a lot less dangerous than 8 drugs.

Put all your drugs in a bag and take them with you. Tell them you are having a toxic reaction from the drug combination. Tell them you are concerned about serotonin syndrome. Any hospital will immediately see the problem and take action.

I wish you the best.

July 8, 2015

Altostrata, i did not decrease more, maybe i explained it badly....

And i went in the hospital with 2 drugs and came home with 8 ! Altostrata i do not want to go back to the hospital, they will not believe the serotonin syndrome, my dr is there in the hospital, they will give me antipsychotics and god knows what else. I do believe i also have protracted withdrawals from valium ....and other ssri

July 8, 2015

You don't have to go off the drugs, Faith. You cannot keep posting here as you have been.

July 8, 2015

I do not think i refused to give you info about my dosages ..... I feel so sick that I can barely write or know what is going on, it is not that i do not give you info on purpose.... Every time i took off 1/4 i wrote in here.....it is not fair God i am trying my best

July 8, 2015

Did you look up a phone number for a suicide hotline in your area?

July 8, 2015

I have nobody that inderstands like you guys.....well i have nobody and if go in their hands again, no doctor will care

July 8, 2015

So you did not look up a suicide hotline?

July 8, 2015

I cannot function to talk on the phone can t speak my mind is not ok i am crying

July 8, 2015

I am affraid of the phone

July 8, 2015

Oh Faith, my heart is breaking for you. You have to find some way to hold on. I know this must be extraordinarily painful for you. Just try to concentrate on reducing the one medication Alto suggest and the rest of the time take things a minute at a time if you have to. Although I'm not on the site very much as I, too, am really sick, please feel free to pm me if you want to. You can make it through this

July 8, 2015

I expect you to phone a suicide hotline rather than posting about feeling suicidal on this site. Do you understand?

July 8, 2015

Oh Faith, my heart is breaking for you. You have to find some way to hold on. I know this must be extraordinarily painful for you. Just try to concentrate on reducing the one medication Alto suggest and the rest of the time take things a minute at a time if you have to. Although I'm not on the site very much as I, too, am really sick, please feel free to pm me if you want to. You can make it through this

That is how it is moment by moment

Thank you and blessings

July 8, 2015

Alto, are we not able to talk about feeling suicidal at all on this site anymore?

July 8, 2015

When a person posts persistently expressing suicidality and cannot seem to self-soothe in any way, we urge him or her to talk to a suicide hotline or a counselor in person, Adagiooo.

This site cannot fulfill the role of a suicide hotline. It is unfair to press the members and the moderators into taking that role.

July 8, 2015

I expect you to phone a suicide hotline rather than posting about feeling suicidal on this site. Do you understand?

Oh i do

July 8, 2015

Understood Alto, thanks for your response.

July 8, 2015

I can only speak for myself, but it helps me when I share my suicidal pain here because I receive support. If I call a hotline they'll probably have me hospitalized and besides, they're complete strangers who wouldn't understand the severity and impact of withdrawal. Only the people here understand, and that's why I share everything here with you guys. It personally helps me a lot and I have received tons of support which is keeping me alive and I'm very thankful.

July 8, 2015

I can only speak for myself, but it helps me when I share my suicidal pain here because I receive support. If I call a hotline they'll probably have me hospitalized and besides, they're complete strangers who wouldn't understand the severity and impact of withdrawal. Only the people here understand, and that's why I share everything here with you guys. It personally helps me a lot and I have received tons of support which is keeping me alive and I'm very thankful.

We understand that you might find this very helpful but as Alto says 'This site cannot fulfill the role of a suicide hotline. It is unfair to press the members and the moderators into taking that role'.

July 9, 2015

Yes, I understand.

Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

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