Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I am misunderstanding things, i am very sensitive, i am not human anymore. I am sorry.

Just pray for me please. I am to damaged

[bluebalu86]

Faith, I'm praying for you. Thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it. Try to decrease the doses of your meds like Alto suggested. She's very knowledgeable on these matters. All of us here are with you and we have your back and will support you through this. We have your best interest at heart. We all love you and care for you and want only the best for you. You will make it honey. Try to decrease your doses. Keep a diary with your symptoms to see how the decreases affect you.

 

Hugs and kisses

[LucaDiProspero]

that's the purpose of these drugs faith...the loss of humanity.

I'm in the same condition...I'm not the old Luca waking up every morning with life inside me. There is nothing inside me...I hope we will get a better tomorrow, I want to believe every day we recover a bit, even if we don't notice it. Hold on faith, please hold on!

[Martina23]

Faith, you have to reduce medicaments, just to hold on would be not enough. I hope you are all right.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Blu i can t keep a journal i cannot write I put in here what I can

[Faithbarelysurviving]

"The syndrome of withdrawal from sedative/hypnotic/anxiolytic drugs can appear as any combination

of irritability anxiety, agitation, insomnia, tremor, abdominal cramps, muscle cramps, vomiting, sweating, flu-like symptoms without fever, and occasionally, even as seizures."From advice to come off buspirone

 

When i first came on this site, Iwas in withdrawal from Buspar and I couldn t tKe it anymore because i am soooo sensitive so I went back on one piece.

-horrible irritability and aggression

-agitation(Aksthisia mind and body)

-tremor

-abdominal cramps close to fainting of the sharpnrss of pain

-muscles jumping all over my body

-neck twiches my head switched to right or lrft involuntary

-vomiting in my bed, sweating, delusional

-flu like

-couldn t move my head

-head pain horrible

-mind retarted, could not walk, eat or drink, thoght I was talking to the President and he gave me his car etc

-mind racing and changing constantly like switching tv chanels without stopping and all the channels are malffunctioning

-dizzines, rolling my eyes, in bed no shower nothing, brainzaps

So it is withdrawal from buspirone....God have mercy...

[Faithbarelysurviving]

and very suicidal , first thing when I would wake up it was about killing myself, obssesed with negative negative and rage...

[Faithbarelysurviving]

That is when I found the SA site in my demented mind....

[Faithbarelysurviving]

And my inlaws are coming here God, if i behave like that they ll put me in the hospital

I think i have an appt with my dr soon, he ll see me like that...that is If I can go....i am desperate

[Meimeiquest]

Alto has to cut through all of our "emoting" to get through to what objective steps can be taken. But emoting is fine...it's all over this website and well it should be.

 

However, it is also true that whatever circuits you run in your mind will get stronger, so making more pleasant circuits stronger is an option that we all benefit from laying hold of when we can. But anyone who has been through akathisia has nothing but compassion for you...say whatever you want. But Alto needs the most objective data you can provide once in a while.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I am sorry I don t understand . What should I say?

[Meimeiquest]

Whatever helps. But once a day you need to stop and write about things like: Am I better or worse? Do I have new symptoms? Did I take my meds as planned? Could I possibly stand to get a little worse if I make another little cut? And in your own heart, you have to decide, Is this still my best option, to try slowly reducing meds at home?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

But i just made a cut...

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Trying to reduce the meds at home... At the hospital they will torture me even more considering how sensitive i am, and they think i am doing it on purpose...if they reduce meds they will do it fast, if they see me like this they ll put me on antipsychotics to "calm me down", no more hospital, i will rather kill myself!i know i am not in my right mind, they will se that, they will do what ? More meds right or fast crazy withdrawal....That is how my dr does it . I dd rather kill myself, i am out of my mind anyway.

[Meimeiquest]

Yes, you just made a cut, it's not time for another. But Alto needs to know that you are dosing the same each day, and when you think you might be ready for another one. You don't have the luxury of feeling "stable" before each of these early cuts. When someone is really distraught and their brain is struggling, we need the reassurance that you have taken your medicine as suggested. Or not taken it as suggested, we all make mistakes sometimes.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Yes i ll go with the cut.

[btdt]

If you can get some good thoughts in your head to hold onto.. it does not have to be real.. make something up it helps your brain I really believe it.. and I used a lot of relaxation videos I think I sent you a couple .. I use to do them 3x times a day to calm down. 

 

I also did this tho it looks silly it seemed to help if only a little it gave me something positive to do to help myself better than doing nothing 

I wish you peace

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Bdtd

Love you

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Tried the Eft technique and sometimes would help a little

Thank you busy bee

Blessings

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Akathisia-Wikipedia

 

 

"Healy, et al. (2006), described the following regarding akathisia: tension, insomnia, a sense of discomfort, motor restlessness, and marked anxiety and panic. Increased labile affect can result, such as weepiness. [8]

 

Severe akathisia can become a very harrowing experience. Jack Henry Abbot (1981) describes the sensation:[9]

 

...[it comes] from so deep inside you, you cannot locate the source of the pain … The muscles of your jawbone go berserk, so that you bite the inside of your mouth and your jaw locks and the pain throbs. … Your spinal column stiffens so that you can hardly move your head or your neck and sometimes your back bends like a bow and you cannot stand up. … You ache with restlessness, so you feel you have to walk, to pace. And then as soon as you start pacing, the opposite occurs to you; you must sit and rest. Back and forth, up and down you go … you cannot get relief …"l

[btdt]

Akathisia-Wikipedia

 

 

"Healy, et al. (2006), described the following regarding akathisia: tension, insomnia, a sense of discomfort, motor restlessness, and marked anxiety and panic. Increased labile affect can result, such as weepiness. [8]

 

Severe akathisia can become a very harrowing experience. Jack Henry Abbot (1981) describes the sensation:[9]

 

...[it comes] from so deep inside you, you cannot locate the source of the pain … The muscles of your jawbone go berserk, so that you bite the inside of your mouth and your jaw locks and the pain throbs. … Your spinal column stiffens so that you can hardly move your head or your neck and sometimes your back bends like a bow and you cannot stand up. … You ache with restlessness, so you feel you have to walk, to pace. And then as soon as you start pacing, the opposite occurs to you; you must sit and rest. Back and forth, up and down you go … you cannot get relief …"l

One day it will ease enough you can walk as soon as that happens your on your way.  You will know there are all sorts of things on this site about Akathisia not the greatest topic but we must know about it sad there is so much to learn when we feel the worst. It seems not right to me. 

peace

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Faith, you have to reduce medicaments, just to hold on would be not enough. I hope you are all right.

I am trying Martina...

No not ok ...

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Anybody knows what are the psychologycal effects of akathisia?

For cutting the Buspar, when should I feel withdrawals?

[Fresh]

Hi Faith , the psychological effects of akathisia include despair , a preoccupation with thoughts of death

and dying , and impulsive thoughts to self-harm.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Hi Fresh

How about anger and rage?

[Fresh]

Hi Faith , not so much anger and rage as far as I know , but I forgot to add fear/terror.

About dumb things like going in the shower , or picking up a glass and being scared you'll drop it.

Absolute heart-pounding , can't breathe terror is the best way I can describe it.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I am not pacing i am in bed and feel the need to move my body. It is like waves of moving my body, tightness build up in my head jaw neck going down my spine and mentally nothing makes sense, like my mind is out of control, irritable, like a seasure....grinding teeth...can this be also akathisia in a more advanced stage?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Moving my feet/legs, shortness of breath....yes fear terror,, then can change into anger and irritability, very negative and sorry for the word..."bitchy", mean. Then it gets mellower somehow and lives me exausted, my mind absent and drugged like and my body tingly all over and heavy like a rock, cannot stand, wabbly, no feelings no emotions.... And then builds up again

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you Fresh

[Fresh]

You have a combination of things going on Faith. Some withdrawal symptoms as well as akathisia.

It's not more advanced , it just presents differently in each of us I think. I remember when i could

eventually sit for short periods , I sat there watching my feet. I told my mother "It looks like they're still ,

but they're marching on the inside."

 

Rest as best as you can. Listen to relaxation cd's or tv if you can , anything your mind can try to focus on.

You're doing an amazing thing getting through this , I have enormous respect for your strength.

 

xxx

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you Fresh.cannot rest day and night

 

Please take a look at this and anybody that wishes to help:

 

http://www.antidepressantadversereactions.com/side_effects/hostility.php

 

Can the hostility aggression be from withdrawal? From antidepressantsi am taking? From the past benzo withdrawals

[Martina23]

Hostility and aggression can be also from withdrawal.

[Fresh]

As Martina says , yes , they can be from withdrawal.

Or they can come when your system is toxic from too much meds. swimming around that you're not

metabolizing - neuro-toxicity. I've had serious episodes of rage and anger in both circumstances , but

it's totally gone away now.

Anger and rage can also be a rebound effect from benzos. , they seem to make you feel better initially

then 24 hours later have the opposite effect.

 

Excellent link Faith , thankyou.

 

Has anybody else lost their emoticons?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I think i may have dystonia or a type of neurologycal disorder...with my neck twiching, my head wably, then my neck tight puling up my spine, moving my tongue agaist my teeth, orthomandibular dystonia i think they call it.....they forced me to take antipsychotic meds in the hospital, criminals.....just like they lie and force so many other people.

I take niacin and it helps sometimes, like a calming effect on my mind and my mood, i think i will continue to take it maybe in time will help neurologycally and my brain to maybe recover a little...I hope so

I have a site About Movement disorders caused by drugs and orthomolecular trials with niacin and other vitamins such as manganese that might help.....

I ll share it here and in the dystonia topics for reading if that is ok

[Meimeiquest]

Has anybody else lost their emotions? I haven't, but I've sure lost CONTROL of them!!! Just had a horrible time about ten days ago. It happens. Plus, Faith, you have and will have authentic anger from this experience. You've got it coming from all directions. Just hold the course as best you can. I echo what Fresh said. We respect your struggle.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you. And yes, i am loosing Conyrol over my emotions too.... With me is like this: now i am emotionless and absent, the next minute, everything changes, may be rage, hate, suicidal, mean like crazy, crazy , yelling, smashing the door.....there is no pattern, my mind, thinking, perceptions, cognition, mood a Huge Chaos + the physycal stabbings in the head, biting my tongue due to clenching, lower back pain, tight head like crazy, nerve pain in face teeth, grinding teeth, blury vision, sensitivity to ligh, soundsmell, Feelings in my head Unbearable, Total chaos is my mynd and body.. Andd It got worse when my stupid dr got me off valium almost cold turkey, the previous one CT off clonazepam... Of coutse i am nuts ..... and disabled ... And covered all with more meds