success Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal

[AliG]

It's so good to hear, Hibari that you are feeling strong and sure of your process ~ listening to your body. You really are a pro at this now. I hope it continues to go well.

 

Hugs,

Ali

[Hibari]

19 hours ago, AmyK said:

Good that you feel stable, Hibari. Good luck with the cut. You will be ok. 

Hugs! 

Thank you Amy, always glad to hear your supportive voice on my thread.  I hope you are well. 

[Hibari]

18 hours ago, AliG said:

It's so good to hear, Hibari that you are feeling strong and sure of your process ~ listening to your body. You really are a pro at this now. I hope it continues to go well.

 

Hugs,

Ali

 

Just now, Hibari said:

Thank you Amy, always glad to hear your supportive voice on my thread.  I hope you are well. 

 

18 hours ago, AliG said:

It's so good to hear, Hibari that you are feeling strong and sure of your process ~ listening to your body. You really are a pro at this now. I hope it continues to go well.

 

Hugs,

Thank you Ali!  I just want to keep going, step by step. I hope you are doing all right and feeling stable yourself.  

[Santino]

Thats sooo good Hibari.

Try to compare yourself with other Christmas periods and take note of every positive changes you notice in terms of your performance. You are doing remarkably my friend. Soon you will for sure be in a better place. WD has an end and you know that.

I am so happy you are making steady steps toward the end of Lamictal taper. 

Good luck my friend.

[Hibari]

Thank you Santino.  I actually am feeling pretty well and am grateful for the stability especially with my mood.    I am being very gentle with myself and trying not to over stress my nervous system. 

 

I hope you are doing all right too Santino and feeling a bit better since you stopped the Mirt.  Such a big accomplishment. 

[Hibari]

Checking in and I'm doing okay.  Okay meaning, low grade nausea, hot flashes, foggy head and vision issues but functional.   I made another cut last night and will need to ride it through again over the next month.  

 

Overall, I am mainly in wd normal, which means I am aware of my symptoms but am not in crisis.   I am able to work and handle a current health crisis with my husband-kidney stones.   I'm waking our dog a lot more instead of splitting it and that makes me more tired. 

 

I find I am staying close to home, except for meetings and work, and that's okay.   In the past I would have felt frantic about not doing enough but I actually have more than enough on my plate. 

 

Down 25lbs since I stopped Remeron/Mirt and that is without any dieting.  I try to eat the best that I can but do have sugar every once and awhile.  I will wait till I am off of Lamictal to do a bigger shift in my eating.  Right now I am eating to fuel my body and sometimes for comfort during wd. 

 

When I do get ruminating, it's mainly about my vision improving and my spark returning.    But from what others have told me, that does improve.

 

One day at a time. 

 

H

[Santino]

Hey Hibari...

Thats good news.... stability will come like that my friend. You will not have a change over night.... important is that you are stable. About your rumination just try to compare it with the rumination you used to have one year ago and make the difference in terms of time it lasted and frequency, i swear now it is a lot more better and will continue to improve. So let it be there my friend and enjoy the normalcy.

Soon you will be fine.

Santino

[Hibari]

Thank you Santino, I appreciate your continued support.

[leahy]

Wow, Hibari, 25 lbs! That is truly amazing. You must feel so much better. Congratulations on the successes of all your hard work. I stopped Remeron on November 27, 2018. I am having my ups and downs for sure. But I am so happy to hear of your progress!

[samanthaelizabeth]

How are you tapering of Remeron?  I am currently taking 15 mg although my sleep is not perfect right now... Are you using the Sol Tabs?

[Hibari]

On 1/23/2018 at 5:23 PM, leahy said:

Wow, Hibari, 25 lbs! That is truly amazing. You must feel so much better. Congratulations on the successes of all your hard work. I stopped Remeron on November 27, 2018. I am having my ups and downs for sure. But I am so happy to hear of your progress!

Leahy!  You stopped Remeron, I'm so proud of you.    I just want to acknowledge how far you came.   Hang in there, it does get better.  

 

I do feel better with the weight off and I feel like my face, which was a balloon shape from the meds, has come back.  

Great to hear from you. 

[Hibari]

On 1/23/2018 at 5:26 PM, samanthaelizabeth said:

How are you tapering of Remeron?  I am currently taking 15 mg although my sleep is not perfect right now... Are you using the Sol Tabs?

Hi samathaelizabeth,

 

I first cut my pills and then had my psychiatrist write me a prescription for a compound pharmacy, which I found in NJ.   They shipped me a liquid form of the Remeron, that was bubblegum flavored.   They included a syringe.  

 

I am not a fan of solutabs for me.   I have had to use them for my Lamictal taper but my body doesn't react well.   They make me itchy and I never feel the medication is as potent as in regular tabs.  I do have to use them so I will bear with it. 

[Hibari]

Needed to check in and share.  Just so tired these days, really dragging.  I am down to 10mgs of Lamictal but if feels like a lot more. 

I'm not depressed, just a little irrationally worried that I won't get my groove back. 

 

My physical activity is walking the dog in the morning for about 45 minutes and then shorter walks throughout the day. 

I also continue to work (in business for myself) and that's about it.  I've been wanting to do some creative writing projects but just don't have the mental energy.

 

For those of you post 50 and now med free, do you feel more lively now that you're off?  I'm not looking for the energy of youth, just the hope of mental energy and life force. 

What I'm really looking for is the encouragement again that I can regain some vitality in the future.  Thanks. 

[Hibari]

Heads Up: Not an upbeat post. 

 

Have been in a bad wave since Monday.  I am physically struggling with a daily headache, nausea and cognitive fog.   What I have to keep doing is monitoring my reaction to being sick.  When I feel this way, it feels like it is going to be this way forever, which creates such as state of fear and despair in side.  I think I'm at one of the "uh, oh" doses where my brain is really reacting to the dosage change. 

 

All my fears are up right now; the long term damage of the medication; the fear I can't get my health back; my inability to exercise so my muscles are weak; the amount of time it's going to take to get where I can jump off. I have been withdrawing twice as long as I was on this particular medication-very disheartening.

 

I know no one can fix this state, I just need to write out my deep feelings of bitterness, fear and a sense of walking though quicksand.  I know now that going from never taking meds in my life, to being put on 3 powerful medications in a short period of time impacted me in a strong way. 

 

I don't feel depressed but I do feel sad about my current physical state.  

 

 

[leahy]

You describe this feeling well, Hibari. I feel the same way. I compare it to trying to run through neck high water.

 

It's not fair. People do not understand or believe me about how sick I feel. My pdoc says it is obviously psychosomatic. But I have a headache and nausea, mostly every day for three years. I wake up with pain in my eyes that seems to be a source of my headaches. The eye pain wakes me up. Then I don't sleep well. Then I feel nauseous.  Then I feel sick. Then I feel anxious.

 

I was in Florida for two weeks and had very little headache and slept through the night. I felt pretty darn good for two weeks! I don't understand it. Was it because I was in sunshine? Was it because of the humidity? Should I be buying a humidifier? Should I be moving?

 

I went to an ophthalmologist yesterday. She saw nothing wrong. Slight dryness of the eyes. Doctors do not care about a patient who has a headache. Not at all! Nor do they care about nausea. They just glaze over as I describe my symptoms.

 

This is exhausting and takes all the joy out of living. Life becomes a struggle, hour by hour.

[Hibari]

Hi Leahy,  I know you have struggled so much with the headache and nausea.  I remember from when I first met you.   It is exhausting and as I sit in front of my computer trying to get things done, it just overwhelms me.  Right now I have to go lie down on the couch and watch tv just to keep myself from hanging out with negative thinking. 

 

The trauma of waking up with a headache and nausea is so draining.  It's a terrible way to start the day and then I'm in a state of nervousness about what I can accomplish. 

 

No one except the people on this site get it-not doctors, not friends-even my nice friends are incredulous about the amount of time it has taken and the symptoms I experience. 

 

Sending you a big hug Leahy.  

 

 

[leahy]

Thank you so much for the validation and the big hug, Hibari. I'm sending a big hug back to you.

[Hibari]

Thanks Leahy. Another tough day has started. I lost it last night at my husband and then felt horrible for yelling.  I wasnt yelling at him really,   I was just yelling about this horrible journey.  I was shouting that it's been been 3 years of this and I don't know if I can make it.  Then I felt horrible because he took care of me when I was depressed and now has to bear these low, irrational moods.   God this is tough.  

[leahy]

How are you sleeping lately? That is the biggest factor in how I function. It can also explain irritability. Sleeping badly makes for a very long torturous long day. I used to track my sleep with Fitbit but now I am using the sleep meister app on my phone. I like to know how good or bad my sleep was. Bad sleep goes beyond "Oh my, yawn yawn, I'm tired." It exacerbates wd symptoms big time and the irritability factor jolts up sky high.

 

Maybe apologize to your husband and he will feel better? He knows how long and hard you have suffered. He knows how you appreciate him. Try verbalizing appreciation for him. Spouses need that and it can work miracles. :-) Things will get better.

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Hibari said:

Thanks Leahy. Another tough day has started. I lost it last night at my husband and then felt horrible for yelling.  I wasnt yelling at him really,   I was just yelling about this horrible journey.  I was shouting that it's been been 3 years of this and I don't know if I can make it.  Then I felt horrible because he took care of me when I was depressed and now has to bear these low, irrational moods.   God this is tough.  

I can relate so much ,Friday this happened to me ,its understandable with going through the torture we do .I get more astonished with every new pitiful wave .we need to keep it at a minimum though because we are only upsetting our own nervous system.its so hard at times .

[Happy2Heal]

{{{{{Hibari}}}}}

sending gentle hugs your way

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, powerback said:

I can relate so much ,Friday this happened to me ,its understandable with going through the torture we do .I get more astonished with every new pitiful wave .we need to keep it at a minimum though because we are only upsetting our own nervous system.its so hard at times .

Yes, now today it's tears and I too am astonished even though I've seen the pattern before.  I just read here recently that when we are in a window, we don't remember the waves and when we are in a wave, we don't remember the windows. 

 

Thank you for responding and I am wishing you strength and serenity. 

[powerback]

5 minutes ago, Hibari said:

Yes, now today it's tears and I too am astonished even though I've seen the pattern before.  I just read here recently that when we are in a window, we don't remember the waves and when we are in a wave, we don't remember the windows. 

 

Thank you for responding and I am wishing you strength and serenity. 

Thanks Hibari ,I often fear the wave when I'm in a window and dream of a window when In a wave ,since Christmas its definitely been the worst time of it .

We keep pushing through it and be safe .

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

{{{{{Hibari}}}}}

sending gentle hugs your way

Thank you Happy2Heal.   I need them today. 

[Hibari]

1 minute ago, powerback said:

Thanks Hibari ,I often fear the wave when I'm in a window and dream of a window when In a wave ,since Christmas its definitely been the worst time of it .

We keep pushing through it and be safe .

I actually think that's more accurate.  I too fear the wave when I am in a window. 

Yes, let's keep pushing through.  You have my support and you are not alone. 

[powerback]

Just now, Hibari said:

I actually think that's more accurate.  I too fear the wave when I am in a window. 

Yes, let's keep pushing through.  You have my support and you are not alone. 

Thanks H you too .

[freespirit]

23 hours ago, Hibari said:

Heads Up: Not an upbeat post. 

 

Have been in a bad wave since Monday.  I am physically struggling with a daily headache, nausea and cognitive fog.   What I have to keep doing is monitoring my reaction to being sick.  When I feel this way, it feels like it is going to be this way forever, which creates such as state of fear and despair in side.  I think I'm at one of the "uh, oh" doses where my brain is really reacting to the dosage change. 

 

All my fears are up right now; the long term damage of the medication; the fear I can't get my health back; my inability to exercise so my muscles are weak; the amount of time it's going to take to get where I can jump off. I have been withdrawing twice as long as I was on this particular medication-very disheartening.

 

I know no one can fix this state, I just need to write out my deep feelings of bitterness, fear and a sense of walking though quicksand.  I know now that going from never taking meds in my life, to being put on 3 powerful medications in a short period of time impacted me in a strong way. 

 

I don't feel depressed but I do feel sad about my current physical state.  

 

 

All the thoughts and feelings  you're having are normal, given the circumstances. As I said on my thread this week, when we are in distress, the nervous system is in fight/flight/freeze. The fears and all the thoughts that go with them come from the primitive part of the brain. We act less than rationally and are looking for something/anything to fix  it. The bottom line for me in these states has always been to increase the amount of calming things I'm doing. I know you have your own list. I think of it as the nervous system crying out for something that will help bring some balance. The impact of calming isn't always immediate; sometimes it seems like the thoughts become worse. But over a few days or a week, I'll start seeing more of a return to sanity and less reactivity. It doesn't always translate into lessening of all symptoms, but it means I've stopped or lessened the fight against them. That in itself reduces the suffering of things and I can begin again.

 

In the midst of monitoring how you're doing, see if you can look for things during the day that bring even a moment of happiness or ease. Looking out at the clouds, seeing a bird in the tree....feeling even a brief moment where things lessen. The problem with only focusing on what's wrong feeds the primitive brain, which then only looks for what's wrong and what could go wrong. This isn't personal; it's what eons of evolution have done. But we can do even small things to activate the newer parts of the brain.

 

I'm not saying any of this to suggest your'e doing anything wrong. You aren't and that isn't the source of your suffering. But only to say that rest, calming, soothing, can ultimately bring more balance. Try not to give into the long-term fears. See what you can deal with in this moment--which is all we really have anyway.

[freespirit]

23 hours ago, leahy said:

You describe this feeling well, Hibari. I feel the same way. I compare it to trying to run through neck high water.

 

It's not fair. People do not understand or believe me about how sick I feel. My pdoc says it is obviously psychosomatic. But I have a headache and nausea, mostly every day for three years. I wake up with pain in my eyes that seems to be a source of my headaches. The eye pain wakes me up. Then I don't sleep well. Then I feel nauseous.  Then I feel sick. Then I feel anxious.

 

I was in Florida for two weeks and had very little headache and slept through the night. I felt pretty darn good for two weeks! I don't understand it. Was it because I was in sunshine? Was it because of the humidity? Should I be buying a humidifier? Should I be moving?

 

I went to an ophthalmologist yesterday. She saw nothing wrong. Slight dryness of the eyes. Doctors do not care about a patient who has a headache. Not at all! Nor do they care about nausea. They just glaze over as I describe my symptoms.

 

This is exhausting and takes all the joy out of living. Life becomes a struggle, hour by hour.

Leahy,

 

I'm sorry you're still suffering like this. I wonder why being away in Florida was so much better? Perhaps something worth contemplating. Different diet, activities, interactions? Or just the change of scene, climate?

 

I can appreciate what you've said about docs not caring. I'm currently finding that aspect almost intolerable. It feels like pouring acid on a wound, having someone not give a d*** about suffering.

 

I've stopped mentioning WD to any of my friends, as I find there's no point. I try to deal with nearly all of it internally. I don't say anything to doctors about it at all, or about having been on the drugs. It becomes lonely sometimes, but prevents any backlash from people not understanding. I'm not suggesting this is the best way to deal with it...just the way I'm  handling it at the moment.

 

Hugs to you and to Hibari.

[leahy]

2 hours ago, freespirit said:

Leahy,

 

I'm sorry you're still suffering like this. I wonder why being away in Florida was so much better? Perhaps something worth contemplating. Different diet, activities, interactions? Or just the change of scene, climate?

 

I can appreciate what you've said about docs not caring. I'm currently finding that aspect almost intolerable. It feels like pouring acid on a wound, having someone not give a d*** about suffering.

 

I've stopped mentioning WD to any of my friends, as I find there's no point. I try to deal with nearly all of it internally. I don't say anything to doctors about it at all, or about having been on the drugs. It becomes lonely sometimes, but prevents any backlash from people not understanding. I'm not suggesting this is the best way to deal with it...just the way I'm  handling it at the moment.

 

Hugs to you and to Hibari.

 Yes. That no doctor gives a damn that I have had a headache for 3 years really ticks me off. I have NO desire to sit in a doctor's office for any reason but I am desperate to find the source or solutions or reprieve from my suffering. 

 

Somehow, I think being outside in the sun all day helped me. A lot.

 

Your advice is excellent, Free. I am going to stick to not mentioning WD to friends or doctors. Good forbid you feel the AD wd. Then they take NOTHING else seriously at all. I stopped mentioning wd. There's no point. There's no help. I will deal with this on my own. It is a huge bonus - to prevent the backlash of ppl not understanding.

[Happy2Heal]

2 hours ago, leahy said:

Your advice is excellent, Free. I am going to stick to not mentioning WD to friends or doctors. Good forbid you feel the AD wd. Then they take NOTHING else seriously at all. I stopped mentioning wd. There's no point. There's no help. I will deal with this on my own. It is a huge bonus - to prevent the backlash of ppl not understanding.

 

 

I am basically an honest person, maybe too honest. I don't like to hide things from my friends but I've found a way to honor my feelings and my core honesty that is useful to both me and my friends, I think.  

 I think it's very hard for anyone who has not gone thru AD WD, to understand what it's like. I think some truly caring people get frustrated by their very inability to understand and to relate and to be really helpful. (friends, not necessarily doctors, I have no use for them whatsoever any more)

So I stopped talking about WD/recovery from psych meds, it wasn't helpful for me or my friends.

However, everyone can relate to having a bad time. So when I"m struggling with symptoms and esp if it  shows (such as when I'm unable to concentrate on a game we're playing or look tired or stressed, etc) I will tell concerned friends that I'm going thru a rough time.  Or that I'm having a rough time, either one works.  Some may  ask if there's anything they can do to help, and if there *is* something that would be helpful to me, I'll tell them (something like, maybe, "yes, if you would forgive me for needing you to repeat what you just said because I missed it, I'd be very grateful.")  Most don't ask the nature of the rough time, usually when you put it that way, they understand that you don't wish to go into details. If they do ask, you could just say something like, it would only make me feel worse to talk about it, or whatever feels right to you (a lot of the time, it does make me feel worse to discuss symptoms, so for me, that's a truthful response)

 

 

And then, when you need to connect with people who DO understand what you're dealing with, come here or go to some of the other sites/FB pages that support ppl in withdrawal.

There's a new site called the Inner Compass Initiative and the Withdrawal Project that's very good.  https://www.theinnercompass.org/about

 

 

just a suggestion.

 

[Hibari]

Thank you for posting the link H2H. 

 

Looks really interesting. 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I will tell concerned friends that I'm going thru a rough time.  Or that I'm having a rough time, either one works. 

 

And all people in general have these.  This is a good way to respond.

[Hibari]

On 2/25/2018 at 9:19 AM, leahy said:

How are you sleeping lately? That is the biggest factor in how I function. It can also explain irritability. Sleeping badly makes for a very long torturous long day. I used to track my sleep with Fitbit but now I am using the sleep meister app on my phone. I like to know how good or bad my sleep was. Bad sleep goes beyond "Oh my, yawn yawn, I'm tired." It exacerbates wd symptoms big time and the irritability factor jolts up sky high.

 

Maybe apologize to your husband and he will feel better? He knows how long and hard you have suffered. He knows how you appreciate him. Try verbalizing appreciation for him. Spouses need that and it can work miracles. :-) Things will get better.

Sorry I missed this Leahy.  I sleep all right though I wake up very tired and in some stress due to the morning cotisol rush. 

I did apologize and we are okay.   He's recovering from some surgery so I'm trying to hide some of my fear and sickness from him.  Not in denial, just feel it's fair.

 

 

[Hibari]

So I am contemplating updosing a small amount but will give it another 48 hours.  I don't know if this is what I need to do or just the hell that is Lamictal.

I'm in a bad place and it's has really let up-though I did have some relief last night. 

 

If I do up dose, I was thinking 1 or 2 mgs.   If anyone has input on this, in terms of how much to up dose,  I would be grateful.   I'm currently on 10mgs.

 

 

[Gridley]

We generally advise to start with a low amount, like 1 or 1.25.  Your last drop from 11.25 to 10 was after only two weeks, so tapering too fast may have been the cause of your problem.

[Hibari]

Yes, I see that I forced that cut.