success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

Been sleeping 4-6 hrs a night since last Sunday, very welcome. Brain fog not as bad last two days. Exercise seems to help.

No other withdrawal symptoms yesterday and today with the exception of some short episodes of mild irritability.

Exercise has bothered me in the past, brought on withdrawal symptoms, that is- but not lately (last 6 months or so). So sensitivity to

different things does let up eventually. Still can't take supplements though. Even some herbs, like Ginger, make me temporarily anxious.

[mammaP]

It's great that you are sleeping better Hudgens. The difference a few hours makes is incredible!

I'm still not sleeping well and just keep waiting for  my turn to come. Are you off yet or still taking

miniscule amounts of effexor?

[Hudgens]

Still on micro dose (need lighted magnifying glass to prepare dose).

Next and last dose can't start until end of this month.

It will only be 2-3 granules of Generic Effexor.

Last night I woke up after 2 hrs of sleep with bad anxiety, though

it subsided in 5-10 minutes, and I slept another uneventful

3 hrs after that. Some kind of bad dream associated with the earlier

anxiety, too. But thankfully can't specifically remember it.

I could conceivably be posttaper by New Year's. That would make it

easier to remember. But I want to be as sure as I can be about my

stability before stepping off. Which means waiting as long as necessary.

The insomnia does seem to slowly ease. I'm hitting the end of my second

year with it and it's only just seemingly getting back into the manageable

range, 4-6 hrs a night.

[Hudgens]

Still sleeping much better, 5-6 hrs per night. No real withdrawal symptoms since last posting.

Brain fog, memory and confusion problems no longer evident.

Getting heaps of work done, but eating poorly again and not exercising either.

When the work goes well, I tend to reward myself with bad food choices.

Things are going so well that I'm now considering starting my post-taper

from this current dose, that is, not making another reduction at the end of this month.

We'll certainly see.  

[Hudgens]

Experienced some very bad anxiety for 3-4 hours in the evening last two days, felt a little crappy all day today, too, but better than last two evenings. Eating better again, and really, I did get through the 2 anxiety episodes OK. But something's definitely up, I mean it's a wave alright. So far, a mild one though, and I'm still sleeping better.  

[Hudgens]

Sleep still much better (5-6 hrs a night). Mood good. No real withdrawal symptoms during this last week. Probably going post taper November 1st.

[alex]

Good to hear;you are on your way to live drug free.

 

Congratulations.

[Hudgens]

Doing fine, very little withdrawal, and that only mild. Mood's good. Moments of mental confusion and generalized brain fog seem to have completely lifted. If things stay the same until the 31st, I'll be going post taper on the 1st.

[Petunia]

Hi Hudgens,

I'm happy to hear your taper is going so well, when I read that your are about to jump off and become completely medication free, I got quite excited.  Wishing you luck, although I'm sure you don't need it.

 

Thank you for the regular updates.

[Hudgens]

I stopped my taper today, almost 4 years since it began, November 15th 2010.

[alex]

Congratulations.

[Hudgens]

Thanks.

48 hrs since final dose, of course you can't tell much after such a short time, but I feel fine-absolutely no symptoms other than

mild brain zaps when turning my eyes to the left, which I've had the entire 4-yr taper, which never bothered me (they're so slight).

I can even make them stop just by closing my left eye or by shutting off the lights at night. I think there were one or two days during my taper that they disappeared, and it felt odd at those times not to be having them.

My other more or less constant withdrawal symptom-insomnia-has also much improved during the last several months, in fact,

last night I think I got 7 hrs.

I think I would get worried if I don't have any real withdrawal symptoms for a while because I've previously experienced the "feeling better than ever" before getting socked with horrible withdrawal. (In 2008 I tapered for 3 months and "felt better than ever" for exactly 2 months to the day post taper and suddenly felt as though a building had fallen on me. I couldn't get to the Effexor fast enough. The awful feeling left me within a few hours, thankfully.)

Anyway, everything's fine for now.  

[Hudgens]

Yesterday was one week post taper. Not bad at all overall. A little trouble getting to sleep last night-that feeling of things kind of bouncing around-but things settled down after about a hour, and I slept pretty well after that. A little dizziness right now. Exercising and eating fairly well.

 

If nothing bad happens in the mean time, I'll be chking back in at the end of the first month.

[mammaP]

Yay well done Hudgens, great to hear that you are still well and not having withdrawal symptoms

[Hudgens]

One month post-taper and doing better than I'd ever expected.

Still one night a week with 2-3 hrs sleep, but last night got 8 hrs!

Still have very mild brain zaps when turning eyes to right, and a few while first falling to sleep.

The occasional 2-3 hrs of mild anxiety.

Mood good.

From past experience I consider two months out post-taper to be the first really important milestone. 

[jen84]

One month post-taper and doing better than I'd ever expected.

Still one night a week with 2-3 hrs sleep, but last night got 8 hrs!

Still have very mild brain zaps when turning eyes to right, and a few while first falling to sleep.

The occasional 2-3 hrs of mild anxiety.

Mood good.

From past experience I consider two months out post-taper to be the first really important milestone. 

Hudgens! You are giving me hope! I wish you the best in your drug free future. Please keep us updated, especially as you come up to the two month milestone.

[mammaP]

This is brilliant Hudgens, 8 hours sleep......... bliss! 

[simon]

Ive been reading through your thread (parts of it, as its very long!) and found it very encouraging  as, im in a similar situation to what your were in several years back. (Similar age too and drug history.)

Right back at the beginning your were asking about success stories or lack of them.

From what I can make out , this site seems to attract people who have been on meds a long time and therefore recovery tends to be patchy and sporadic. Ive noticed on another forum theres more seemingly rapid recoveries but mainly from folk who have been on drugs for a relatively short period. Also many horror stories from CTs etc. There seemd to be  no real policies in that forum that would guide people in how to do it. Rather hit and miss.

I like this place as its all more realistic and honest, and you do get the feeling that people are healing up very well given the battles they've had to face.

Good to hear that youre doing so well and I wish you well in the coming months

 

Simon

[tgirl]

Hey Hudgens,

That's awesome! One month post taper!

I'm inspired!

[Athena]

1 month and a half post end of taper!!

I'm so happy for you! Bravo!! Bravo!!

Still feeling pretty good?

[Hudgens]

Getting pretty close to 2 months-that's this Sunday-Still doing well. Sleeping a little better-5-6 hrs.

 

I have had 2 short episodes of disorientation-a 2-6 second spell of not knowing where I am. Maybe I shouldn't say

"not knowing where I am"-that's not exactly accurate. I do know where I am-each episode happened in places (at a mall, on a highway) that I'm very familiar with. Everything just suddenly looked strange to me for a few seconds and I had to get my bearings again.

 

There's a mental map we all have of places we've been, which is just a general sense of where everything is-for example in a mall-in relationship to everything else.There's no reason to think about this map, or even about its existence, unless it happens to fail us. I had to remember the map and then figure out again where I was on it-which takes about 2 or three seconds after I first get that feeling of being confused, and things not looking familiar. The whole thing happens and disappears each time very suddenly.

I've had this maybe 6-8 other times during the past two years-since about 75% through my taper.

 

As I've said before, If I didn't know it was a withdrawal symptom, I'd worry that it was early onset Alzheimer's. But all sorts of memory, brain fog and disorientation problems have been well documented on this site and every where else, too. (Some have reported-specifically about Effexor that they're afraid to drive anywhere because they get confused and lost so easily, [my own experience of this sort of thing being more mild probably because of my slow taper]). It would have to be a really big coincidence if these episodes were NOT due to withdrawal.

 

There are no other symptoms to report since my last post.

 

I'm going to post again in a few days-to mark the end of the first two months.

 

I'd also like to state again that I'm not going to post any success story until about 10 months to a year out-since bad withdrawal can hit anyone at least that far out post-taper.

 

I HAVE successfully "tapered", but that's only half of the ordeal-the post taper is the second half, and must be reasonably symptom free, I think, in order to be considered a success. I'll start to feel as though I've made it through successfully about next July-August.

 

I know how important success stories are to everyone on this site, but I don't want to write one prematurely and then have everything fall apart afterwards. You just don't know with this stuff-it takes a lot time to be more sure of the outcome.  

[Hudgens]

Feeling fine at the 2 months mark of my post-taper.

Slept 7 hours last night! No anxiety upon waking up.

Some mild anxiety from time to time-short 30-60 minute episodes.

 

I mentioned 2 episodes of brief mental confusion last post. Haven't had any of that

since. It seems to come and go like any other symptom, something like a small wave, I guess.

 

Moods been good for all of first 2 months with only one or two brief exceptions.

 

I should also say the my brain zaps upon falling to sleep have become much more

mild.

[mammaP]

This is brilliant to read Hudgens and I am so glad that you are still doing fine. 7 hours sleep is 

amazing, can't wait to be able to say that when I've finished my taper. I had one night last week 

when I slept for 7 hours for the first time in years but it wasn't a restorative sleep, I was still 

very tired and felt ill but it was still zzzzzzzzzzz 

[alex]

Yaaaayy!!!

[Hudgens]

2 1/2 months post-taper and doing very well. It does seem to take forever for me to fall asleep, but once I do I'm out for 5-6 hours.

This is a great improvement from the last 2 years.

Getting a lot of work done and slowly getting back into exercising and eating better.

No real withdrawal to speak of last two weeks.

Mood normal.

In 2008 I was off Effexor for 3 months, while trying an unsuccessful transition to Prestig, when I suddenly had some very bad

withdrawal, I remember it felt as though my head was going to explode, really awful feeling. So, we'll see if I get past this

3 month mark OK this time.  

[Hudgens]

3 Months today post taper.

Sleeping almost normally: doesn't take so long to fall a sleep; sleep right through

and between 6-7 hours (despite 3 cups of coffee a day, light in room in morning, not exercising).

Short episodes (1-2 hours) of anxiety, lightheadedness, irritability, flu-like feelings, and twice

depression. Don't have symptoms everyday, though, more like every third day.

Mood generally even and good. (Best way to express this- and everyone here knows what I mean

when I say that I just feel normal.)

I'll check back in another month, or sooner if I get a real wave or something like that.

I should also mention that all of the withdrawal symptoms I'm currently experiencing are mild, as a matter of fact,

nothing severe since last spring.

[alex]

Very happy for you!!

[Petunia]

Thanks for the update Hudgens.  Its great to hear that you are doing so well after a successful taper.  Thank you for documenting your progress so consistently.  I look forward to reading your success story here:

 

Recovery success stories

[jen84]

Thank you Hudgens for posting your updates. I am glad to hear things are going so well for you!

[jen84]

Absolutely, Thanks. Strange to say, the 2 Tylenol and hot bath worked two days in a row. I feel fine now. More and more I'm finding out that my symptoms (even when they're very bad) if not completely, are at least to some extent vulnerable to different things like Tylenol, hot baths, walking, reading, abdominal breathing, mindfulness tecniques. In the past, this hasn't been the case-- it was more like these kinds of things were just something to keep me occupied until the symptom(s) left. So, even though the symptoms seem as bad as ever-this could be a sign that they are weakening over time. That would be wonderful in itself. Hudgens

[jen84]

Absolutely, Thanks. Strange to say, the 2 Tylenol and hot bath worked two days in a row. I feel fine now. More and more I'm finding out that my symptoms (even when they're very bad) if not completely, are at least to some extent vulnerable to different things like Tylenol, hot baths, walking, reading, abdominal breathing, mindfulness tecniques. In the past, this hasn't been the case-- it was more like these kinds of things were just something to keep me occupied until the symptom(s) left. So, even though the symptoms seem as bad as ever-this could be a sign that they are weakening over time. That would be wonderful in itself. Hudgens

I am starting to wonder the same thing... Deep breathing and mindfulness seem to really help these days

[Sweetcreature]

So so so so so happy for you Hudgens, thank you for documenting and giving us hope  - Your story also acts as a reminder of the need to  go slowly.....as slowly as is needed.  Looking forward to reading more from you in the summer time and for now, really hoping that you are still doing 'well and normal'.

SweetC

[Hudgens]

Yes, I am. But it's only been 3 months and 1 week.  6, 7, 8 and 9 months sound so much more significant.

 

I started all of this when I was 53, I'll be 58 by the time I begin to feel I'm finally out of the woods. Five years!

One thing I can say for certain, my original personality is completely back now. In case anyone is wondering,

it remains in tacked, though hidden, throughout the drug years, and subsequently gradually, and fully, reemerges.   

[alex]

Congratulations!!

[Hudgens]

I was going through a big box of family photos today and noticed something I hadn't before, a complete lack of facial expression in all my photos after I began taking antidepressants. My body seems unnaturally stiff also. I compared them to the photos of me before antidepressants, from my childhood, teen years and 20's, which show a normally expressive face along with natural-looking, relaxed posture. I now also recall, during the antidepressant years, hearing people saying something funny, I mean in the sense of telling a joke, and knowing they were doing this, but absolutely unable to smile or laugh at what they'd said. Not because what they were saying wasn't funny, but just because I was unable to respond appropriately. At the time I just thought this is the way I've always been, but the earlier photographs show this wasn't true. If anything I was almost overly expressive in those, like a show off sometimes. The antidepressant photos are really deadpan. Everyone else in the picture looks alive whereas I appear to be in a sort of zombie-like state, like I'm autistic. I should also say that in my most resent pictures, starting with two years through my taper, I can see a gradual increase of expression and bodily animation returning in images of me. The most recent look like the pre-antidepressant photographs. Isn't that amazing? I think I was emotionally dead for 20 years!

[alex]

Well,welcome to the world of the living!

I know very well how it is to feel dead inside...