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powerback: tapering no 2

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powerback
16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Not as groggy is an improvement. Please post your daily drug schedule again. Thanks.

4.5mg Prozac at 10 am 

8 beads Effexor 12 noon

0.5 diazepam 2130.

Thanks alto.

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Altostrata

How do you feel after taking Prozac, and how do you feel after taking Effexor?

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powerback
On 6/11/2019 at 9:50 PM, Altostrata said:

How do you feel after taking Prozac, and how do you feel after taking Effexor?

I feel  consistently rubbish through out the day ,I dont notice any noticeable negative difference straight after meds ,ive cognitive issues now, that must be down to the effexor taken 2 hours ago.

I dont see myself getting stable taking these drugs .prozac reduced maybe?.

What I thought was withdrawal last year and the year before was nothing like how sick I am since october and the bridge since December.

Thanks for trying to help Alto but I fear my issue is far more serious than I can even explain here.

Take care.

 

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Altostrata

If the Effexor makes you more foggy, maybe reduce it?

 

By rubbish, you mean poor concentration and fatigued, or something else?

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powerback
16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If the Effexor makes you more foggy, maybe reduce it?

 

By rubbish, you mean poor concentration and fatigued, or something else?

Hi alto ,apologies ,saying rubbish was fague,fatigue,mental anguish/SI ,the works ,im being thrashed.

Im not sure how long I can hold out ,im fixated on pressuming I mite be dealing with mental health problems from my past binge drinking .so im gravitating away from withdrawal the further and worse this gets.

Ive got severe PTSD ,the amount of flash backs im getting are increasing by the day.

The gut punch I get in my chest/heart of memories of the days I would be hiking and doing "normal"things are destroying me .the ability of my own mind to conjer up such "bullying" thoughts is deeply worrying .

There's no controling them ,its beyond that.

IM hiding in plain sight so eventually time will run out and ile be forced drugged ide say .

I can see now the responsibility for our mental health is very serious and I havnt been responsible .

Putting labels aside ,something is very wrong in my brain .

I cant tell if its the prozac or withdrawal thats causing my very toxic moods .

Ile reduce the effexor and see what happens but a part me of wants to go back to 37.5mg effexor and drop the prozac.

Take care ALto,thanks for trying bit ive exhausted mine and your own time at this stage.

Peace to you.

 

 

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thecowisback

😓😓😓

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Rosetta

I'm thinking of you, powerback.  I hope you can get a window soon.  -Rosetta

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Altostrata

pb, it does sound like you have some psychological issues you need to work through. Lots of self-blame, regret, guilt over alcohol. Can you find a counselor for this? Or join a group like AA? You need to get it out of you, you don't need to continually feel guilty and ashamed.

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Carmie

Sorry you’re struggling so much Powerback, 

 

You are such a trouper and I hope you feel a bit better soon,  Sending hugs to you🤗

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powerback
15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

pb, it does sound like you have some psychological issues you need to work through. Lots of self-blame, regret, guilt over alcohol. Can you find a counselor for this? Or join a group like AA? You need to get it out of you, you don't need to continually feel guilty and ashamed.

I agree .not much point going AA when so il.I like to follow certain channels on youtube.my whole autonomic nervous system is in upheavel,I startel with the slightest crackle .

I love to watch nature documentarys and watching wolves or lions make a kill cuts me deep emotionally ,I was never like this because its part of wild life .positive and negative emotions are extremely exaggerated.

You are correct I shouldn't feel so guilty but im swapped ,that part of my brain/feelings is stuck .thats why im so concerned .my whole hormone system is way out of whack.

Introducing diazapam seems to of made it worse .

All I can do is keep ploding away.

Cheers and take care Alto.

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powerback
On ‎6‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 3:14 PM, thecowisback said:

😓😓😓

 

12 hours ago, Carmie said:

Sorry you’re struggling so much Powerback, 

 

You are such a trouper and I hope you feel a bit better soon,  Sending hugs to you🤗

 

22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I'm thinking of you, powerback.  I hope you can get a window soon.  -Rosetta

Thank you ladies .much appreciated .

Take care.

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TreeElf

Hey pb, I changed my username for privacy, but remember the things you told me during the worst times? Right back at you now. You're in the middle of a tornado and can't see clearly, but it always has to end. Hormone upheaval literally wreaks havoc on my system every month lately. In a fearful state your mind will feed off all the guilt and shame it can get. I've found the work of Byron Katie very helpful lately, look her up on YouTube if you feel like you're able to listen to something. Nothing is forever, and you're not alone x

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powerback
2 hours ago, TreeElf said:

Hey pb, I changed my username for privacy, but remember the things you told me during the worst times? Right back at you now. You're in the middle of a tornado and can't see clearly, but it always has to end. Hormone upheaval literally wreaks havoc on my system every month lately. In a fearful state your mind will feed off all the guilt and shame it can get. I've found the work of Byron Katie very helpful lately, look her up on YouTube if you feel like you're able to listen to something. Nothing is forever, and you're not alone x

Sound TE thanks ,I have an idea but PM me ,it will be deleted  straight away,the curiosity is killing me lol .no sweat if you cant .

 

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Altostrata
10 hours ago, powerback said:

Introducing diazapam seems to of made it worse .

 

Please explain. What time of day do you take 0.5mg diazepam?

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powerback
14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Please explain. What time of day do you take 0.5mg diazepam?

2130 

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Altostrata

Please explain how taking diazepam has made your symptoms worse.

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powerback
19 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please explain how taking diazepam has made your symptoms worse.

Hi Alto ive explained in my previous few posts.its not helping with anything.

1mg and It would take me half the morning to get out bed.thats a shocking sensitivity.

Ile keep on the 0.5 for a while .

Thanks,take care.

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Altostrata
On 6/13/2019 at 6:57 AM, powerback said:

ive cognitive issues now, that must be down to the effexor taken 2 hours ago.

 

How about reducing the Effexor?

 

On 6/17/2019 at 6:27 AM, powerback said:

1mg and It would take me half the morning to get out bed.thats a shocking sensitivity.

 

Do you mean because you're groggy in the morning? A hangover from the previous night's diazepam?

 

What is the sensitivity?

 

On 6/11/2019 at 7:51 AM, powerback said:

4.5mg Prozac at 10 am 

8 beads Effexor 12 noon

0.5 diazepam 2130.

 

Is the grogginess worse after you take Prozac?

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powerback
14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

How about reducing the Effexor?

 

 

Do you mean because you're groggy in the morning? A hangover from the previous night's diazepam?

 

What is the sensitivity?

 

 

Is the grogginess worse after you take Prozac?

Reduce a bead every 10 days should be ok ?(im taking eight beads  😎😎 ,)

Ye this hangover feeling is not as strong since im on 0.5mg diazepam.

Groggyness isnt worse after prozac ,just a general consistent muscle tiredness and joint aches and fatigue.

I take prozac 2 hours after I wake to see if this helps in the mornings ,then I take effexor 2 hours after the effexor.

Im pretty sure im suffering so bad because my body has registered the bridge as cold turkey effexor .

Thanks and take care.

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Altostrata
8 hours ago, powerback said:

Im pretty sure im suffering so bad because my body has registered the bridge as cold turkey effexor .

 

Yes, I think so, too. But the diazepam seems to help your nervous system settle.

 

8 hours ago, powerback said:

Reduce a bead every 10 days should be ok ?(im taking eight beads  😎😎 ,)

 

Yes.

 

Please use your foam roller for aches and pains. Go gently. It can help a lot.

 

Also, drag yourself to AA meetings and talk about your guilt. This is important.

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powerback
2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Yes, I think so, too. But the diazepam seems to help your nervous system settle.

The jury is out on this but ile keep at it for a while .

Last night my dreams were full of the fears and thoughts I have during the day.

4 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Please use your foam roller for aches and pains. Go gently. It can help a lot.

I also have a mechanical massager I use ,I use it like "dry rubbing" I read this is good for vagus nerve stimulation.

In the last few hours ive gone through stinking bad  mood ,depression ,self pity,to the last 30mins of hyper listening to music wanting to jog like I used to ,how bipolar is this.

I went from 8 beads to 7 today ,surely this isn't the reason .anyway I move on .

Thanks Alto take care .

Peace . 

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Altostrata

Maybe your body is telling you it wants to get out more.

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powerback
3 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Maybe your body is telling you it wants to get out more.

yep ,I got out the other day after 11 days  happily stuck in.

Luckily I know my limits these days,an hour standing in the kitchen the other day ,I needed a rest lol.

I try to get into the garden if the sun is out .

Thanks Alto ,take care . 

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powerback

 HI  I Hope everyone is doing as good as they can these days.

I feel I should give an update .

 im coming up to 3 years of this madness and my opinion is changing on my situation.

I have being researching ADHD the past few months and my whole life/ my past  is flashing before my eyes ,light bulbs going off constantly .

It was only after extensive research I understand that ADHD is a very serious neurological condition. You can be the smartest kid in the classroom and having this will leave you daydreaming and unable to concentrate.AS for having it undiagnosed as an adult ,it can rip your relationships and life apart .   

I am currently close to going on meds for my ADHD and want to see if anyone else is on these meds .

 

I understand and respect SA is for going off meds but im struggling lately and I suppose im reaching out for knowledge from wiser more clearer minds.

I am on patientslikeme.com to get the information I need also .

Thanks in advance .

Take care. 

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Leo1983

Hi.

 

Do you know you have ADHD?

 

good to hear from you.

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powerback
40 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi.

 

Do you know you have ADHD?

 

good to hear from you.

Hi Leo thanks ,I see recently your a dad again congrats to you 🤝.

Its very clear .years of introspection and way too much navel gazing lets it be clear .ive got clarity in the last few months ,amongst the misery of withdrawl. any test I do  comes out 90% and this would be on my life even before "withdrawl/damage".

I can see ADHD could be used to fit a narrative , but everything clicks with the  state of my school days  and addictions .

It all comes down to dopamine by the looks of it .

Take care.

 

 

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direstraits

been wondering how you're doing.

 

wishing you peace and healing.❤️

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ChessieCat
17 hours ago, powerback said:

I am currently close to going on meds for my ADHD

 

If you do decide to take something I suggest you start with a small amount and only make one change at a time.

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powerback
2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

If you do decide to take something I suggest you start with a small amount and only make one change at a time.

Yep I agree .thanks CC.

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powerback
13 hours ago, direstraits said:

been wondering how you're doing.

 

wishing you peace and healing.❤️

Thanks D ,same to you.

Take care.

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Shep
22 hours ago, powerback said:

I have being researching ADHD the past few months and my whole life/ my past  is flashing before my eyes ,light bulbs going off constantly .

It was only after extensive research I understand that ADHD is a very serious neurological condition.

 

This is the chemical imbalance theory, which we do not use advocate here on SA. There's no evidence that ADHD is a "very serious neurological condition."

 

Please see:

 

ADHD: A Destructive Psychiatric Hoax

 

ADHD: The Hoax Unravels

 

Part 4: Children & ADHD - Robert Whitaker - Psychiatric Epidemic - May 14, 2014 video (39 minutes)

 

22 hours ago, powerback said:

I am currently close to going on meds for my ADHD and want to see if anyone else is on these meds .

 

If you can't handle 3 or 4 cups of coffee now, I wouldn't add in a stimulate (which are the "medications" prescribed for this supposed "disorder"). The drugs used to "treat" ADHD will increase your dopamine, making it harder for you to sleep, among many other problems. 

 

If you decide to go the drug route, PB, you'll need to work exclusively with your doctor. We can't help you with this. 

 

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powerback
2 hours ago, Shep said:

 

This is the chemical imbalance theory, which we do not use advocate here on SA. There's no evidence that ADHD is a "very serious neurological condition."

 

Please see:

 

ADHD: A Destructive Psychiatric Hoax

 

ADHD: The Hoax Unravels

 

Part 4: Children & ADHD - Robert Whitaker - Psychiatric Epidemic - May 14, 2014 video (39 minutes)

 

 

If you can't handle 3 or 4 cups of coffee now, I wouldn't add in a stimulate (which are the "medications" prescribed for this supposed "disorder"). The drugs used to "treat" ADHD will increase your dopamine, making it harder for you to sleep, among many other problems. 

 

If you decide to go the drug route, PB, you'll need to work exclusively with your doctor. We can't help you with this. 

 

Hi Shep thanks for the info.

I no longer need to come to SA anymore in regards withdrawl because yous have been very supportive and helpful.

 

I have done painstaking research and this is my case ,everyone is different . trust me, no one actually makes ridiculous impulsive life altering decisions for the fun of it, [long before withdrawl or meds ] 

my conclusions have come on the back of evidence long   before I was put on meds 9 years ago .

 

What ever narrative big pharma come up with to suit them is there business.

 

there is no denying something is off in my brain since I was a youth ,this is quite embarrassing to admit but hey that's life and many members have helped me on SA so I wanted to give an update.

Im aware what trouble I could be in for because of my nervous system taking drugs  and i totally respect SAs views ,trust me I wont be arguing  with anyone. at least I can have informed consent this time with regards drugs and it will be at small doses .

 

If you decide to go the drug route, PB, you'll need to work exclusively with your doctor. We can't help you with this. 

 

I agree ,I didn't come here to ask anyone to tell me what to do.as I said I am on patientslikeme.com ,so no more will need to be said about this on my thread . 

Take care shep .

Again thank you for all your help.

Peace.

 

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manymoretodays
Posted (edited)

Hugs powerback,

And I've always appreciated your honesty and candidness, as well as kindness, here at surviving.

2 hours ago, powerback said:

I didn't come here to ask anyone to tell me what to do.as I said I am on patientslikeme.com ,so no more will need to be said about this on my thread . 

I hope this doesn't sound like someone telling you what to do, my next thoughts.......they come from a place of both concern AND my own experience with pharmacological/biologic treatment for, what is now know as Adult Onset of ADD.  Which, by the way.......I never really bought into.  As, I've been around and around, for quite some time, and have seen how the system of belief, definitely not science, morphs and changes to suit itself sometimes.........rather than those who struggle/suffer.

 

Is there anything at all, non-drug coping, or I suppose considered "alternative" now that you might consider or find?  Back in the days of old, many children would have attention difficulties, and some......well, I'll consider them the lucky ones........would get help by.......getting enrolled in some kind of program........something like OT- or occupational therapy.  Where they would learn, with support, certain skills to practice........that then made it easier for them to "fit in" and "get by" and deal with their feelings/emotions around things in new ways.

I think, if I were you, I might look around, if you have not already done so.  Even something on-line might benefit you.  Alas, that's me though......  I'm not real familiar with patientslikeme, but used partake on another "mental illness" site.  And it got really hard, in fact I didn't stick around long there, after I came here.  It got hard to go with my own instincts and intuition, when everyone else was so darn medication/drug oriented.  And also many so reliant on the "current vogue" "knowledge" of those who were in power positions to them.

 

My own experience, with low dose, amphetamine salts, Adderall (generic form).........was NOT the answer for me.  And most especially, when I knew that I had WD going on, and many other things to heal from, from drugs/medications prescribed to me, in the way of ?helping.  Never once, in the psychiatric system, did I feel I got understanding or even confirmation.  Yet, I've managed, and though healing continues, I'm there most days........that being here, there. 

 

In getting information from my childhood too, as far as what I and others recalled, there were not any hints, that I had focus or attention problems.  So we differ there a bit.    Still though.  I stand firm......in how I choose to manage going forward.  Oh and you do have WD thrown in, and are presently on some medications too.......I mean all that, and adding a stimulant now??  Scary, says I.

 

So, enough from me.  And I know, I know........you have put a lot of thought into your decision already.  Just wanted to add my 10 cents, of wisdom, if you will.  I don't wish for you to experience further harm, know this.  Quite the opposite. 

Best pb. 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
just one addional thought.....

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pinkfairy

Hi Pb.

hope you don’t mind me popping by.

But I just had to say this.

when I was suffering so badly.

I would place “labels” upon myself constantly.I looked for things to make some form of sense has to why the suffering was so unbearable.

 

It was everything apart from withdrawal.I got told kindly to stop doing this to myself which I did in the end.I think the majority of us going through this all had childhood problems etc.

Hense while we’re all probably here.

 

To say your brain is off is inot giving yourself a chance.Mine was off only through faulty programming and reckless life skills to survive.But it can be reprogrammed and learning new skills.

 

When we are in the thick of this our brains will hook onto anything and run to the hills with it.It lies constantly.Yes it brings all our darkest fears to the surface so we get to sit and hold space & heal every aspect of our phye in this.The waves tell you horrible things Pb.Were all in a chemical **** storm and our reality gets distorted & dark.We want to believe its more than WD when sadly it isn’t.

 

 

When this lifts you are still you inside and and your brain his okay.You at your core is untouched .

 

Its just healing right now.

 

I don’t want to see you go down another route and cause any more harm to your nervous system.You have come to far to give up on you.If your suffering now can you imagine if it went wrong.

you aren’t adding meds to a healthy CNS you will be adding them to one that is in need of care & so hurting right now.

 

I think you know deep down meds aren’t the answer Pb.

but what ever you decide to do I wish you so much love and strength on your journey 

you deserve nothing but happiness.

 

Stay safe always your friend pink 💕

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ChessieCat

I agree with what MMT and PinkFairy have posted.

 

My thoughts.  You are feeling awful, that is a fact.  The response to feeling awful is to try to fix it.  That is normal.

 

MMT made some good suggestions about trying non drug ways.  I think you should be investigating those.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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powerback
On 8/30/2019 at 6:17 PM, manymoretodays said:

Hugs powerback,

And I've always appreciated your honesty and candidness, as well as kindness, here at surviving.

I hope this doesn't sound like someone telling you what to do, my next thoughts.......they come from a place of both concern AND my own experience with pharmacological/biologic treatment for, what is now know as Adult Onset of ADD.  Which, by the way.......I never really bought into.  As, I've been around and around, for quite some time, and have seen how the system of belief, definitely not science, morphs and changes to suit itself sometimes.........rather than those who struggle/suffer.

 

Is there anything at all, non-drug coping, or I suppose considered "alternative" now that you might consider or find?  Back in the days of old, many children would have attention difficulties, and some......well, I'll consider them the lucky ones........would get help by.......getting enrolled in some kind of program........something like OT- or occupational therapy.  Where they would learn, with support, certain skills to practice........that then made it easier for them to "fit in" and "get by" and deal with their feelings/emotions around things in new ways.

I think, if I were you, I might look around, if you have not already done so.  Even something on-line might benefit you.  Alas, that's me though......  I'm not real familiar with patientslikeme, but used partake on another "mental illness" site.  And it got really hard, in fact I didn't stick around long there, after I came here.  It got hard to go with my own instincts and intuition, when everyone else was so darn medication/drug oriented.  And also many so reliant on the "current vogue" "knowledge" of those who were in power positions to them.

 

My own experience, with low dose, amphetamine salts, Adderall (generic form).........was NOT the answer for me.  And most especially, when I knew that I had WD going on, and many other things to heal from, from drugs/medications prescribed to me, in the way of ?helping.  Never once, in the psychiatric system, did I feel I got understanding or even confirmation.  Yet, I've managed, and though healing continues, I'm there most days........that being here, there. 

 

In getting information from my childhood too, as far as what I and others recalled, there were not any hints, that I had focus or attention problems.  So we differ there a bit.    Still though.  I stand firm......in how I choose to manage going forward.  Oh and you do have WD thrown in, and are presently on some medications too.......I mean all that, and adding a stimulant now??  Scary, says I.

 

So, enough from me.  And I know, I know........you have put a lot of thought into your decision already.  Just wanted to add my 10 cents, of wisdom, if you will.  I don't wish for you to experience further harm, know this.  Quite the opposite. 

Best pb. 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

On 8/30/2019 at 9:51 PM, pinkfairy said:

Hi Pb.

hope you don’t mind me popping by.

But I just had to say this.

when I was suffering so badly.

I would place “labels” upon myself constantly.I looked for things to make some form of sense has to why the suffering was so unbearable.

 

It was everything apart from withdrawal.I got told kindly to stop doing this to myself which I did in the end.I think the majority of us going through this all had childhood problems etc.

Hense while we’re all probably here.

 

To say your brain is off is inot giving yourself a chance.Mine was off only through faulty programming and reckless life skills to survive.But it can be reprogrammed and learning new skills.

 

When we are in the thick of this our brains will hook onto anything and run to the hills with it.It lies constantly.Yes it brings all our darkest fears to the surface so we get to sit and hold space & heal every aspect of our phye in this.The waves tell you horrible things Pb.Were all in a chemical **** storm and our reality gets distorted & dark.We want to believe its more than WD when sadly it isn’t.

 

 

When this lifts you are still you inside and and your brain his okay.You at your core is untouched .

 

Its just healing right now.

 

I don’t want to see you go down another route and cause any more harm to your nervous system.You have come to far to give up on you.If your suffering now can you imagine if it went wrong.

you aren’t adding meds to a healthy CNS you will be adding them to one that is in need of care & so hurting right now.

 

I think you know deep down meds aren’t the answer Pb.

but what ever you decide to do I wish you so much love and strength on your journey 

you deserve nothing but happiness.

 

Stay safe always your friend pink 💕

 

On 8/30/2019 at 11:24 PM, ChessieCat said:

I agree with what MMT and PinkFairy have posted.

 

My thoughts.  You are feeling awful, that is a fact.  The response to feeling awful is to try to fix it.  That is normal.

 

MMT made some good suggestions about trying non drug ways.  I think you should be investigating those.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your input everyone.

The fact I even gave this update shows it was impulsive of me.

I should be siting on this for more time and come to terms with it myself first.

Take care and total respect.

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