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Matisse

Matisse 80-90% of my symptoms GONE

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Matisse

Hi

 

I remember over 2 years ago coming to this site for inspiration and guidance. I only wrote a few things but I read lots. I loved reading the positive stories and they kept me going through the hell. 

I was on Paroxetine for 13 years, I couldn't get off due to withdrawals etc. My doctor advised to switch to another drug and I thought Prozac would help. To cut it short I went into hell after a month and they told me to stop the Prozac. That is where the journey began. 

In the first year I experienced ALL of the symptoms, Akathesia, Anhedonia, convulsions, dizziness, flu like, sound and light sensitivity, crazy neuro emotions, rashes, pins and needles, hallucinations, mania, pain everywhere etc etc. I had waves and Windows and after a year most of the severe symptoms, the convulsions, akathesia, hallucinations went but I was left with neuro emotions, anhedonia and I then developed sensitivity to fragrances etc.

i am now coming upto 3 years off and I can say my emotions are massively improved, I don't have the rages, My anhedonia is massively improved, can feel love now and more. I have even been feeling sexual urges gradually over the past year and now it feels normal.

The only symptoms I have left are Chemical sensitivity (which is hell because I am isolated and can't go out without a mask) some rashes and ptsd due to the withdrawal.

The positive thing is All the other MASS of over 50 symptoms went, some went faster than others and some went so gradually over years.

i still have lots to heal and if my chemical sensitivity went I would feel brilliant and would go back to work and do things.

i hope this gives hope to everyone because this is what we need.

sending you all my love and courage to get through this

Tracey xxx

 

p.s

what helped me through was patience and support 

I tried to accept what was happening to me and just let it be ( yes it was hard to do but it helped)

distractions were essential, like Disney films and games to focus my mind on something positive

Food and supplements were important too, I cut out all sugar ( I have the occasional chocolate) but that helped so much with my moods. I eat healthy and avoid processed food

i have natural good supplements like vitamin D3, k2, magnesium etc. I gradually increased the dose over the years and my vitamin D deficiency has improved massively, I'm now in normal range. Some things worked others made me worse but I tried things very cautiously (small doses first) 

Everyone is different and what worked for me might not for you.

Also I stayed away from forums and places that talked about withdrawal because it caused me to be severely depressed. It was helpful at times but I don't search for it anymore.

i haven't been back to this site for a year but I remember how I clung onto positive stories so I hope this gives you something positive to keep going.

xxx


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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apace41

Tracey,

 

Great news!  Congratulations!

 

Have you looked at either Gupta or Dynamic Neural Retraining for the chemical sensitivity?  The latter program has had great success for that condition. 

 

Best,

 

Andy


Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Matisse

Hi, yes I purchased the DNRS, but I'm too afraid to do it.

it sounds crazy but I'm scared it won't work and then I'm out of options. It's frustrating to just have this one symptom left. I am exploring more supplements and then I will have to just suck it up and do the dnrs.

Unfortunately the ptsd I have makes it hard to trust things etc.

sorry I've gone into negative stuff when this is positive lol

x


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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bgoggles1

Hi there!! So glad you are recovering. It's so great to hear a positive success story. I'm struggling with getting off the Zoloft cold turkey when my doctor took me off pretty quickly. I was on a total of 3 anti depressants for 2 and 1/2 years. And my doctor took me off Zoloft right after my pregnancy. I have been experiencing terrible head Sensations such as head spins, dizziness, Zapped like Sensations. And almost falling Sensations and my head. It's terrible. Did you have these symptoms as well and when did they start improving for you? I also have terrible head 

pressure and headaches and eye floaters. I also have all the neuro emotions as well. Again, thank you for posting your story it's encouraging to hear.


Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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Matisse

I had all the symptoms, and they all went at different times. The thing is everyone is different and so no one can say when they will be gone, but they will go eventually.

If I had known, all that I know now I would have tapered, gradually over years.

i do my own research now and trust what I know, not my doctor.

It sounds like you have only just started with withdrawal? 

I would read as much as you can from this site and learn from everyone 

you will get there x

 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse

These are the symptoms I had that are gone now:

 

Migraines

nausea (was intense at times)

pins and needles all over

Racing thoughts (scary at times)

Crazy intense anger

Crying all the time

Akathesia (worse sensation ever)

Mania

out of body feelings

Hallucinations (shapes and moving floors etc)

convulsions (whole body legs jolting)

Intense Migraines (unbelievable pain)

bladder pain/constant urination

Anhedonia (can creep in some days but gone now)

No sexual desire

Noise sensitivity (was bad at times)

tinnitus (get it occasionally now but was bad at times) 

Insomnia (scary at times, do have some bad nights sleep but nothing like before)

Temors (arms and legs would shake for hours)

Dizzyness (horrible)

My legs would buckle and I couldn't walk

Intense Fatigue 

pain in joints, just pain everywhere at times

Flu like feeling 

Eye floaters (they are still there unfortunately but don't notice them)

severe stress at doing simple things

Intense Brain fog (still get this sometimes but not as bad)

losing my mind feeling

Brain Zaps

weird body sensations in brain and body (fingers in skull, horrid)

electrocuted feelings in body, burning like

twitches etc

There are probably lots more but it's hard to remember them all

hope that helps.

 

 

 

 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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bgoggles1

Thank you for replying. I am 8 months out from stopping Zoloft but my doctor tried me back on a small dose of Lexapro and it sent me through the roof, and had a pretty bad reaction to that. I was on that for about 3 weeks. It was horrible. that was 4 months ago. So I am still struggling. I have a lot of Sensations in my head unfortunately. I have a lot of the symptoms that you mentioned such as Tremors migraines eye floaters brain fog, etc. Did you have intense brain zaps? I seem to have that constantly. I also have a lot of nerve pain in my neck and upper shoulders. And the feeling like I can't be calm. I feel very restless. Thank you again for replying. So glad that you're doing better. I cry a lot because of this but it's also reassuring to hear other people's success stories. I also agree with not going on too many websites. I don't even read the symptoms page on here because it sends me through the roof with fear and anxiety. There's just too many horror stories. There needs to be more positive success stories online about how people do get through this and they do heal.


Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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Matisse

Hi, yes I forgot brain zaps, just added to list.

ive heard of people who were put on different meds to ease withdrawal who had a reaction. Can't remember what they call it.

its advised not to go on any drug because it can cause this.

People have returned to the drug they originally went off to ease withdrawal but that can also cause reactions.

i hope you find help on here from lots of others who have been through it.

Be patient with yourself, it can take months and years but you will heal.

i thought the same as you that it would never end but the symptoms gradually went, sometimes symptoms went overnight never to return.

its all individual and your so strong for going through it

x


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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TryingToHoldOn
21 minutes ago, Matisse said:

These are the symptoms I had that are gone now:

 

Migraines

nausea (was intense at times)

pins and needles all over

Racing thoughts (scary at times)

Crazy intense anger

Crying all the time

Akathesia (worse sensation ever)

Mania

out of body feelings

Hallucinations (shapes and moving floors etc)

convulsions (whole body legs jolting)

Intense Migraines (unbelievable pain)

bladder pain/constant urination

Anhedonia (can creep in some days but gone now)

No sexual desire

Noise sensitivity (was bad at times)

tinnitus (get it occasionally now but was bad at times) 

Insomnia (scary at times, do have some bad nights sleep but nothing like before)

Temors (arms and legs would shake for hours)

Dizzyness (horrible)

My legs would buckle and I couldn't walk

Intense Fatigue 

pain in joints, just pain everywhere at times

Flu like feeling 

Eye floaters (they are still there unfortunately but don't notice them)

severe stress at doing simple things

Intense Brain fog (still get this sometimes but not as bad)

losing my mind feeling

There are probably lots more but it's hard to remember them all

hope that helps.

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your story.  I am so glad that you have seen so much healing and hope the chemical sensitivities resolve.  Did you also have burning brain, head and face?  Or weird brain sensations that felt like your brain was pulsating, squeezing, rolling, etc?  Also, did you experience numbness in your face or muscle twitches all over your body?  Did you feel like there was an electrical current constantly running through your body?  How about severe suicidal depression?  I’m a year out and am really really tormented.  Did you ever feel like you’d never get better or heal?  I’m sorry for all the questions.  

 

 


Mid 2014 - June 2016 (~ 2.5 yrs): sertraline 75mg. Under advice of my Pysch NP, weaned off in 1 month

Sept 2017 - Feb 2017 (6 months): Latuda (dose 20mg up to 80mg). Under advice of Psych NP, weaned off in 6 weeks (Jan - mid Feb). Tirtated down 20mg every 2 weeks.

Nov 2017 - Feb 2017 (3 months): lamictal 100mg. Abruptly taken off. This was the "wean": 100mg, 50mg, then off

Feb 2017: sertraline 150mg for 1 week to bring me out of a severe suicidal depression. Abruptly stopped due to serotonin syndrome. Tried to reinstate 50mg a week later, but the serotonin syndrome symptoms came back. Not possible to reinstate sertraline.

March 2017: remeron 7.5mg. Took one dose that knocked me out for two days. Refused to take it again

February 2017 - March 2017: Ativan 1mg. Took 5 pills total spread out over the course of 3 weeks. No longer taking it.

6/16/18 - 6/26: celexa 1.25mg

6/27/18 - 6/29: celexa 2.5mg, 6/29 had burning and agitation within 30min of dose

6/30/18 - present: celexa 1.25mg

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TryingToHoldOn
11 minutes ago, bgoggles1 said:

Thank you for replying. I am 8 months out from stopping Zoloft but my doctor tried me back on a small dose of Lexapro and it sent me through the roof, and had a pretty bad reaction to that. I was on that for about 3 weeks. It was horrible. that was 4 months ago. So I am still struggling. I have a lot of Sensations in my head unfortunately. I have a lot of the symptoms that you mentioned such as Tremors migraines eye floaters brain fog, etc. Did you have intense brain zaps? I seem to have that constantly. I also have a lot of nerve pain in my neck and upper shoulders. And the feeling like I can't be calm. I feel very restless. Thank you again for replying. So glad that you're doing better.

Did you also have burning brain, head and face?  Or weird brain sensations that felt like your brain was pulsating, squeezing, rolling, etc?  Also, did you experience numbness in your face or muscle twitches all over your body?  Did you feel like there was an electrical current constantly running through your body? Do you have insomnia?

 

I was also in zoloft for a little over 2 years. I also had a 5 month stint in latuda & 2.5 months on lamictal.  Everything  made me worse and the nail in the coffin was reinstating sertraline at too high of a dose that gave me serotonin syndrome.

 

The neuroemotions are insane, but the physical symptoms are so painful and weird.

 

 


Mid 2014 - June 2016 (~ 2.5 yrs): sertraline 75mg. Under advice of my Pysch NP, weaned off in 1 month

Sept 2017 - Feb 2017 (6 months): Latuda (dose 20mg up to 80mg). Under advice of Psych NP, weaned off in 6 weeks (Jan - mid Feb). Tirtated down 20mg every 2 weeks.

Nov 2017 - Feb 2017 (3 months): lamictal 100mg. Abruptly taken off. This was the "wean": 100mg, 50mg, then off

Feb 2017: sertraline 150mg for 1 week to bring me out of a severe suicidal depression. Abruptly stopped due to serotonin syndrome. Tried to reinstate 50mg a week later, but the serotonin syndrome symptoms came back. Not possible to reinstate sertraline.

March 2017: remeron 7.5mg. Took one dose that knocked me out for two days. Refused to take it again

February 2017 - March 2017: Ativan 1mg. Took 5 pills total spread out over the course of 3 weeks. No longer taking it.

6/16/18 - 6/26: celexa 1.25mg

6/27/18 - 6/29: celexa 2.5mg, 6/29 had burning and agitation within 30min of dose

6/30/18 - present: celexa 1.25mg

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Matisse

Hi and yes I had such weird brain and body sensations they are hard to describe.

they came in waves and Windows. The first year was the worse.

like I said my symptoms went throughout the years etc, some were gradual, some instant. 

I remember feel liking like there were hands and fingers rummaging in my skull, it was horrible. Such weird body sensations. It's hard to remember them all because there was so many. They will go with time x


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse

Had twitches everywhere and the burning sensations, plus sensations of being electrocuted all over the body. They have all gone now.


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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bgoggles1
15 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

Did you also have burning brain, head and face?  Or weird brain sensations that felt like your brain was pulsating, squeezing, rolling, etc?  Also, did you experience numbness in your face or muscle twitches all over your body?  Did you feel like there was an electrical current constantly running through your body? Do you have insomnia?

 

I was also in zoloft for a little over 2 years. I also had a 5 month stint in latuda & 2.5 months on lamictal.  Everything  made me worse and the nail in the coffin was reinstating sertraline at too high of a dose that gave me serotonin syndrome.

 

The neuroemotions are insane, but the physical symptoms are so painful and weird.

 

 

I was kind of in the same boat exactly when they took me off Zoloft they tried to put me on Lexapro right away and they thought I had serotonin toxicity as well. And then about 3 months later they tried a small dose again and I had a reaction to it. So now I am 4 months out struggling. But it seems like you're about one year out. You should be turning the corner soon, I have no doubt. You will find a break. I'm confident in that and the symptoms will definitely lesson and then disappear for sure. Healing will happen for you. And yes I had all of those symptoms and my most difficult symptoms are in my head all the rolling Sensations, zaps dizziness in the head and it's like there's almost a tightness in the head where I can't move it. It's awful. So I know what you're going through. But I feel like you're close to the end. Don't give up.


Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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Scorpio

Hi matisse

thank you so much for taking the time to post your recovery. It gives me and I’m sure so many others hope while we are going through this hell. Nine months of misery and had got to the point of giving up hope but stories like these keep me going. 


2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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Littlegrandma

Tracey

ditto what Scorpio just said. 

Thank you so much for coming back to give us hope. 

Omg. I have exact symptoms and fear they’d never go. Your words are what so many of us need right now. Thank you and a big hug. Lg


Lex  4.3mg,  3/2/18  Ativan ,5 mg,  lunesta 2 mg , toprol  25 mg                                                            

 

Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta 

jan 22 2019- 11 mg V

jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. 

    Hold taper

july 5- 10.72 V

July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad

july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 

              25 mg toprol

 

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bgoggles1
1 hour ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

Did you also have burning brain, head and face?  Or weird brain sensations that felt like your brain was pulsating, squeezing, rolling, etc?  Also, did you experience numbness in your face or muscle twitches all over your body?  Did you feel like there was an electrical current constantly running through your body? Do you have insomnia?

 

I was also in zoloft for a little over 2 years. I also had a 5 month stint in latuda & 2.5 months on lamictal.  Everything  made me worse and the nail in the coffin was reinstating sertraline at too high of a dose that gave me serotonin syndrome.

 

The neuroemotions are insane, but the physical symptoms are so painful and weird.

 

 

I read your story... Your sounds similar to mine especially with being postpartum. Your a ways out than me but you will heal!!! The brain does have an amazing way of healing... That and God's divine healing. We will get there! It's coming for you! 


Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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apace41
14 hours ago, Matisse said:

Hi, yes I purchased the DNRS, but I'm too afraid to do it.

it sounds crazy but I'm scared it won't work and then I'm out of options.

 

Not crazy at all, but not your only option.  The Gupta program might help if DNRS doesn’t.

 

So, that should give you the impetus to try. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

 


Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Happy2Heal

oh Matisse I am so happy for you!
thanks so much for coming back and updating us on how you are doing

 

 

such wonderful news!
I, myself am coming up on 6 mos off the psych meds after a messy taper and I'm thrilled at how well I am doing

still have some "waves" of minor symptoms here and there but feel almost fully healed

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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potions

Thank you so much for posting Matisse. You said you had no sexual desire, does that mean you had PSSD/genital numbness? How bad were your sexual/inability to love symptoms? Thank you ❤️


Zoloft 50 mg from April 23, 2015 to August 28th, 2016 (1 year, 4 months).

4 week taper. Last dose on August 28, 2016

 

Mianserin 30 mg in an attempt to reverse PSSD from September 6th, 2017–around mid November 2017 after a few week taper. Did not fix PSSD

 

Currently taking: Melatonin and magnesium every night.

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Matisse

Hi potions

 

i didn't have the numbness I just had no desire at all and could not find anyone attractive or feel live etc. It was horrible because I never thought I would feel that desire or live again. It would come back in patches then it just gradually went and I didn't even notice it. 

I used to focus on it all the time and then I just accepted it etc. It's only really been the last 6 months that I have noticed how I feel more and feel love and am attracted to guys again and my partner. It was when I didn't pay attention to it anymore that it changed without me doing anything.

i don't know if this helps you and someday I still feel a little flat but nothing like before. I listen to music again and feel it and connect with other emotions again. I feel that stress massively impacts this and when our bodies are healing from withdrawal our bodies are stuck on this massive stress response.

hope things get better for you x


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Migotka
On 30/03/2018 at 4:15 PM, Matisse said:

Hi

 

I remember over 2 years ago coming to this site for inspiration and guidance. I only wrote a few things but I read lots. I loved reading the positive stories and they kept me going through the hell. 

I was on Paroxetine for 13 years, I couldn't get off due to withdrawals etc. My doctor advised to switch to another drug and I thought Prozac would help. To cut it short I went into hell after a month and they told me to stop the Prozac. That is where the journey began. 

In the first year I experienced ALL of the symptoms, Akathesia, Anhedonia, convulsions, dizziness, flu like, sound and light sensitivity, crazy neuro emotions, rashes, pins and needles, hallucinations, mania, pain everywhere etc etc. I had waves and Windows and after a year most of the severe symptoms, the convulsions, akathesia, hallucinations went but I was left with neuro emotions, anhedonia and I then developed sensitivity to fragrances etc.

i am now coming upto 3 years off and I can say my emotions are massively improved, I don't have the rages, My anhedonia is massively improved, can feel love now and more. I have even been feeling sexual urges gradually over the past year and now it feels normal.

The only symptoms I have left are Chemical sensitivity (which is hell because I am isolated and can't go out without a mask) some rashes and ptsd due to the withdrawal.

The positive thing is All the other MASS of over 50 symptoms went, some went faster than others and some went so gradually over years.

i still have lots to heal and if my chemical sensitivity went I would feel brilliant and would go back to work and do things.

i hope this gives hope to everyone because this is what we need.

sending you all my love and courage to get through this

Tracey xxx

 

p.s

what helped me through was patience and support 

I tried to accept what was happening to me and just let it be ( yes it was hard to do but it helped)

distractions were essential, like Disney films and games to focus my mind on something positive

Food and supplements were important too, I cut out all sugar ( I have the occasional chocolate) but that helped so much with my moods. I eat healthy and avoid processed food

i have natural good supplements like vitamin D3, k2, magnesium etc. I gradually increased the dose over the years and my vitamin D deficiency has improved massively, I'm now in normal range. Some things worked others made me worse but I tried things very cautiously (small doses first) 

Everyone is different and what worked for me might not for you.

Also I stayed away from forums and places that talked about withdrawal because it caused me to be severely depressed. It was helpful at times but I don't search for it anymore.

i haven't been back to this site for a year but I remember how I clung onto positive stories so I hope this gives you something positive to keep going.

xxx

Hi 

 

Am so happy that you are getting better.. 😊 

When you said you had waves and windows did you feel better mentally physically or like old your self ? How did you know you had a windows ? 


I have been on Prozac 20mg for a year and half from June 2013 and then on Paxil 10mg and 20mg for about a year with breaks as I never knew it was withdrawals so every time something was starting to going on with me I was going back on it.

The last stop date was in March 2017 and currently being off anything.

 

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Altostrata

Hello, Migotka. Please start an Introductions topic for yourself so we can get to know you and answer your questions.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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LexAnger

Thank you so much Migotka for taking time and sharing the very positive update! You are a hero surviving this most incredible ordeal! 

 

Wish you continuous speedy healing! 

 

 


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Matisse

Hi Migotka, the Windows felt great and it was kind of obvious as I would feel like myself, I would feel things again and would be physically doing better. Sometimes it would last a day or a few days at a time. The waves were unbearable physically and mentally and then there is the middle ground when you feel bad but it's somewhat bearable compared the waves. It would be a mix of symptoms in waves both physical and mental, emotional  etc it was horrific torture at times but the worse part was the first year.

Like I said if I didn't have the chemical sensitivity I would be nearly 100% recovered from all my symptoms and would be able to live a normal life again. Unfortunately I'm stuck indoors because I cannot tolerate any fragrances and if I leave the house I have to wear a mask. I don't know if the withdrawal has damaged my mast cells. 

It's like a cruel joke.....I am recovered but i can't live

obviously this does not happen to most in recovery do don't be scared I'm just unlucky

 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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TryingToHoldOn

Matisse,

 

How long did your insomnia last?  I’m going on 16 months.  To make matters worse, I never feel tired or sleepy.

 

Also, when did your emotional symptoms start leveling out?  I have tremendous issues cycling through emotions and they are extreme and very frightening.  At 13 months off, The worst emotions uncontrollable sobbing spells (can last for hours),  rage (screaming, throwing things, crying, etc.), deep dark suicidal depression, and a state close to catatonic (it feels as though my brain shuts off and the very soul is sucked out of me.  I just sit or lie in bed and stare at the wall, unable to engage in any way with my family).  I feel absolutely crazy and out of control.

 

Thank you again for continuing to provide hope and support for those of us who are still struggling.  I am very sorry to hear about your chemical sensitivities.  I pray in time that will heal. 💗


Mid 2014 - June 2016 (~ 2.5 yrs): sertraline 75mg. Under advice of my Pysch NP, weaned off in 1 month

Sept 2017 - Feb 2017 (6 months): Latuda (dose 20mg up to 80mg). Under advice of Psych NP, weaned off in 6 weeks (Jan - mid Feb). Tirtated down 20mg every 2 weeks.

Nov 2017 - Feb 2017 (3 months): lamictal 100mg. Abruptly taken off. This was the "wean": 100mg, 50mg, then off

Feb 2017: sertraline 150mg for 1 week to bring me out of a severe suicidal depression. Abruptly stopped due to serotonin syndrome. Tried to reinstate 50mg a week later, but the serotonin syndrome symptoms came back. Not possible to reinstate sertraline.

March 2017: remeron 7.5mg. Took one dose that knocked me out for two days. Refused to take it again

February 2017 - March 2017: Ativan 1mg. Took 5 pills total spread out over the course of 3 weeks. No longer taking it.

6/16/18 - 6/26: celexa 1.25mg

6/27/18 - 6/29: celexa 2.5mg, 6/29 had burning and agitation within 30min of dose

6/30/18 - present: celexa 1.25mg

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PSVT
On ‎22‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 8:17 PM, Matisse said:

the Windows felt great and it was kind of obvious as I would feel like myself, I would feel things again and would be physically doing better. Sometimes it would last a day or a few days at a time. The waves were unbearable physically and mentally and then there is the middle ground when you feel bad but it's somewhat bearable compared the waves. It would be a mix of symptoms in waves both physical and mental, emotional  etc it was horrific torture at times but the worse part was the first year.

 

Good News that you are recovering well Matisse and Thank you for returning with your success over this horrible time.

 

Out of curiosity.........what did the medical community say, or advise you, on these symptoms and withdrawal?

 

I am currently going through what you describe above at 6 1/2 months off with zero recognition from Doctors or the medical community other than I really need to be back on the "meds" because withdrawal only lasts a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months and not with all these symptoms.........I need treatment for my "underlying condition", of which I had an actual medical issue that was misdiagnosed as anxiety so, they really got no idea!


Zoloft: Sometime early in 2014 Three days only. Torture!

Lexapro: Early 2015- Mid 2015 10mg

Lexapro: Mid 2015-March 2017 20mg

Tapered too fast, Withdrawal started through April-June 2017. Told by Doctor that it was rebound anxiety and have now developed MDD

Pristiq: July 2017-October 2017 50mg (total 56 days)

Lexapro: October 2017-October 2017 10mg (6 days)

Lexapro: October 2017-October 2017 20mg (5 days)

COLD TURKEY>>>>>>>>>>>>October 11,2017

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bgoggles1

Hi again! When would you say that you turned a corner and things started to really improve? 


Here it goes

 

March 2015- started 5mg Lexapro

November 2015- switched over to Cymbalta 30mg

August 2016- stopped Cymbalta cold turkey

Early December 2016- took Zoloft 25mg 

Tried to then cross taper over to Lexapro 5mg then up to 10mg for a week

 Aug 2017- Stopped lexapro- not sure if seratonin toxicity was present. Er prescribed klonopin- currently tapering .25mg. 

 Sept 2017-Tried resperidal 1mg for two weeks

November 2017- Tried Lexapro again 2.5 mg then to 5mg for two weeks then stopped

 

 

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ChessieCat

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 12 Sept 2020:  Pristiq 0.625 mg (compounded)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Matisse
On 23 April 2018 at 11:39 PM, PSVT said:

 

Good News that you are recovering well Matisse and Thank you for returning with your success over this horrible time.

 

Out of curiosity.........what did the medical community say, or advise you, on these symptoms and withdrawal?

 

I am currently going through what you describe above at 6 1/2 months off with zero recognition from Doctors or the medical community other than I really need to be back on the "meds" because withdrawal only lasts a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months and not with all these symptoms.........I need treatment for my "underlying condition", of which I had an actual medical issue that was misdiagnosed as anxiety so, they really got no idea!

 

Phi, sorry didn't know I had any messages on here. 

My doctor was good and was just as worried with all my symptoms. It was actually me that found professor Healy and got my doctor to refer me to him.

i went there and he said he sees people like me weekly and diagnosed my with protracted withdrawal and used some terms that I can't remember etc.

that meant I could get disability pip as I could not work anymore.

she was helpful and believed me and stated she would never prescribe that drug again etc.

when I tried to get more help from others they dismissed it especially psychiatrists. I am lucky as all my family believed me etc and they could physically see all the convulsions and tremors etc.

i avoid all doctors and psychiatrists now but I did go private to deal with the PTSD trauma etc and he was brilliant, so supportive, believed me and was outraged etc. He helped me a lot to trust a bit more.

its weird how validation and being believed can mean the world to you when your going through hell.

i would show them the evidence, find all the details you need.

i remember some of them saying the same to me but thankfully my doctor was great etc and I had a diagnosis from Healy.

this is not rare, this happens all the time and people are told just like you that it's anxiety etc.......are they mad. I had NEVER had these symptoms before.

there was no way that I was going back on them because I knew myself, my mind and my body. You are in the very early stages and all I can advise is do lots of research, read, join support groups on Facebook and here and taper slowly etc. 

I really wish you the best and you have so many people who believe you thousands upon thousands possibly millions who have experienced some form of withdrawal and it can last months to years. You know yourself so do what's right for you. 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse
On 6 January 2019 at 10:21 PM, ChessieCat said:

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

Hi, sorry didn't see these messages.

 

i am still 90% healed majority of symptoms completely gone. I have actually healed more as my anhedonia has completely gone, I have lots of sexual desire and feel like myself.

the only negative is my chemical sensitivity. It has got a bit worse and I have to avoid all fragrances etc. If I didn't have that I would be completely normal etc.

i do suffer from PTSD due to the withdrawal but am a lot better with it.

i hope this gives hope that all those horrific symptoms DO go over time.

i had hallucinations, convulsions, tremors, akathesia, pains all over, bladder pains, light and noise sensitivity, diahrea, stomach pains, anhedonia, crazy anger, neuro emotions, all over pins and needles, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, electric shocks in head, insomnia, contact panic attacks.......etc etc and they are ALL GONE

 

obviously I can still feel depressed due to the situation with chemical sensitivity but it is nothing like the withdrawal, it's just normal because of my situation.

 Anywho hope and wish you all the best and hope this gives you hope :) xxx


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse
On 4 May 2018 at 4:02 PM, bgoggles1 said:

Hi again! When would you say that you turned a corner and things started to really improve? 

 

 

Hi, I would say around a year off, that's when the worst symptoms stopped etc, but maybe 2 years a lot of the symptoms had eased etc and when my emotions started returning after 2 years was a massive thing for me and it just got better and better.

obviously everyone is different and it takes shorter of longer but like I've said all my symptoms have GONE except the chemical sensitivity. I am soooo lucky and appreciative :) hope that helps x


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse
On 22 April 2018 at 1:14 PM, TryingToHoldOn said:

Matisse,

 

How long did your insomnia last?  I’m going on 16 months.  To make matters worse, I never feel tired or sleepy.

 

Also, when did your emotional symptoms start leveling out?  I have tremendous issues cycling through emotions and they are extreme and very frightening.  At 13 months off, The worst emotions uncontrollable sobbing spells (can last for hours),  rage (screaming, throwing things, crying, etc.), deep dark suicidal depression, and a state close to catatonic (it feels as though my brain shuts off and the very soul is sucked out of me.  I just sit or lie in bed and stare at the wall, unable to engage in any way with my family).  I feel absolutely crazy and out of control.

 

Thank you again for continuing to provide hope and support for those of us who are still struggling.  I am very sorry to hear about your chemical sensitivities.  I pray in time that will heal. 💗

 

Hi, I remember my emotions going crazy for years. my anger was extreme and I actually through stuff etc, I cried everyday for a year, then it went to every other day, then weekly etc now I cry rarely maybe once a month as I suffer from PTSD from it. My emotions have settled down massively. It took a good few years for it to gradually diminish. 

My insomnia was bad to the point I was put on sleeping tablets as I went 3 days with NO sleep and could barely function. I was terrified about taking them but i was very careful and they worked really well. 

I still have some left and would only take in an emergency.

i still have some mild sleeping problems but nothing like before and I haven't took any sleeping tablets in over a year.

its so hard but you will get through this, for me it helped as I slept in the day and my partner would look after me in the first few years.

i can sometimes get out of sinc with my sleeping but then I force myself to stay awake to set the rhythm back.

i would just say sleep when you can sleep and don't put pressure on yourself obviously that's if you can, I was very lucky to have the support.

really wishing you the best and thank you for your message. 

Through my experience I know exactly what your going through and I used to think I would not heal all the time and had such severe symptoms throughout the years but every symptom has GONE. You will heal.

also forgot to say a massive help with my emotions and symptoms was my diet.

i cut out all sugar, alcohol, caffeine and just eat lots of whole veg and fruit and just drink water.

i remember when I quit the sugar a few years ago it reduced my symptoms.

its hard and sometimes i slip and eat crap but it's my medicine and helps me a lot.

hope that helps X sending healing and a hug xx


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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MMMM

Hi @Matisse

I was reading some threads and found an old message you had written (here) that I completely related to:

"the anhedonia for me came after a huge wave at around 4 months off and for me it's the worse symptom of withdrawal. Before this I was a hopeless romantic and kissed and loved my partner everyday. I found joy in everything and I'm an artist so to me everything is beautiful. But now I don't feel anything. I cry most days grieving for my old self. "

I have been crying and grieving in the same way lately. 
The anhedonia and emotionlessness just make me feel like who I am is gone, never to return, and it feels so dismal to me.

So then when I clicked over to see how you are doing now, and saw news of your recovery, and the following messages, it gave me such hope!

  • "When my emotions started returning after 2 years was a massive thing for me and it just got better and better."
  • "I can feel love now and more."
  • "I listen to music again and feel it and connect with other emotions again."
  • "I have actually healed more as my anhedonia has completely gone, I have lots of sexual desire and feel like myself."

God bless you, I needed to hear this!! 

Thanks and hope you are doing well, and hopefully finding some relief these days from your chemical sensitivities.


- 2003 to 2015: celexa, 20 mg, ~12 years

- 2015: easy switch off celexa and onto cymbalta, 30mg

     (over a decade of fantastic years in here, with one anxiety/depressive episode brought on by a breakup, which I got through with therapy, tools, etc)

- 2017: Nov/December: tapered off cymbalta, 20mg --> 0, over 1.5 mo. in conjunction with my (former) psychiatrist. Zero date: 12/15/17

     (I was just sort of curious to try being off meds after so many (great) years. I wondered the degree to which meds may have been affecting my sex drive/orgasm/access to deeper emotions. After going off was ok for about 3 mo... then: horrible anxiety, panic attacks (first time in 14 years and way stronger than I ever had before), agitation, suicidal depression, crushing physical sensation, anhedonia, dp/dr, emotional numbness. Horrible.)

- 2018, July 21: Tried going back on celexa, 5mg

    (HORRIBLE adverse reaction, discontinued after 10 days, stopped 7/31/18, thought I would need to be hospitalized)

- 2018, Aug 3: Tried remeron, got up to 15mg for 14 days, then tapered back down to 3.5 mg/d (super sedating, couldn't think and could feel even less)

- 2018, Sept 7 - Oct: Restarted Cymbalta, ~4mg (sept 9, stopped the 3.5 mg of remeron). Went up to 13 mg Cymbalta, then right back down to 4.5mg.

    (Now see it as withdrawal and am wanting to get off and heal.)

 

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Matisse
On 28 June 2019 at 12:05 AM, MMMM said:

Hi @Matisse

I was reading some threads and found an old message you had written (here) that I completely related to:

"the anhedonia for me came after a huge wave at around 4 months off and for me it's the worse symptom of withdrawal. Before this I was a hopeless romantic and kissed and loved my partner everyday. I found joy in everything and I'm an artist so to me everything is beautiful. But now I don't feel anything. I cry most days grieving for my old self. "

I have been crying and grieving in the same way lately. 
The anhedonia and emotionlessness just make me feel like who I am is gone, never to return, and it feels so dismal to me.

So then when I clicked over to see how you are doing now, and saw news of your recovery, and the following messages, it gave me such hope!

  • "When my emotions started returning after 2 years was a massive thing for me and it just got better and better."
  • "I can feel love now and more."
  • "I listen to music again and feel it and connect with other emotions again."
  • "I have actually healed more as my anhedonia has completely gone, I have lots of sexual desire and feel like myself."

God bless you, I needed to hear this!! 

Thanks and hope you are doing well, and hopefully finding some relief these days from your chemical sensitivities.

 

Sorry didn't see this message as don't come on here anymore but the anhedonia was one of the worse symptoms I have ever had and lasted the longest......for years.

i felt like an alien, I couldn't listen to music or even touch my partner as felt absolutely nothing.

it was scary as nothing had any feeling or meaning. I would take emotion a lot and the only vague emotion I had was intense despair and such intense pain.

my partner had such a hard time adjusting to this new person and all I could explain was I felt like cardboard or like I was dead with just a body.

i remember when it started to get better after a few years in Windows.....sometimes only lasting a few hours.

i then started having some trauma therapy for the PTSD from my withdrawal and one horrific wave. He tried to get me to meditate and I couldn't even do it as felt nothing but stayed with it.

i then started watching asmr videos on YouTube to try and train myself. I felt nothing most the time but kept persisting. I had to accept that I couldn't feel and that helped massively as I wasn't checking my emotions or forcing things all the time. It took the reassure off.

then I started getting some feelings, tingles etc and it grew from there.

like I said I feel love now, feel tingles, pleasure and beauty and most of the time I take it for granted because it's been there for well over a year or more but sometimes I feel in awe how this can e back for me and feel so grateful and lucky.

my partner is so happy to have the same person he fell in love with back who kisses and loves him and does stupid silly things.

 

i hope all the best for you and maybe try some of the things that worked for me.

i still love watching asmr videos and they help me sleep or just feel all lively and tingly like having a massage.

 

sending love and healing xxx

 

 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Matisse

Also I notice your quite early in withdrawal and are still on some medications I believe. I'm not saying to completely come off or anything but I was completely off the paroxatine the whole time and as your still in the early withdrawal it can take years or less to have symptoms go.

 


13 years on 20mg paroxetine

(Within those years did change to fluoxetine, citalapram for short periods but always went back to paroxetine)

June/July 2015 switched to fluoxetine 

After a month severe symptoms had to stop doctors advice.

Severe withdrawal tried reinstating 5mg for 5 days after 5/6 months but nothing so stopped. Symptoms in waves and windows. Tinnitus, body shakes spasms, intense migraines and brain ripping apart with hallucinations type things, Akathesia internal vibrations, pins and needles,dp and Dr, and more

Feb 2016 8 months off anhedonia, severe depression, constant crying, neuro emotions etc

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Cocopuffz17

That’s great to hear. I am 6 months off 20 mg of paroxetine(11 years I was on it for). The waves and windows definitely come, but I know fully what to expect. It’s great to see your symptoms improved greatly, congrats and it will get even better! Thanks for your story! 


I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

 

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

 

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
 

2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

 

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