Peachy: one day at a time ...

[Peachy]

Altostrata, thanks for the reply and advice.

 

I went back up to the previous dose in hopes that it would stabilize me... I thought that was logical 😬 I guess that it was more harmful?

Do you think going back down to the 5.5mg dose with destabilize me even more? I'm super sensitive to every dose change.

 

I guess I have a hard time wrapping my head around why 5.75mg is to much when i was stable on 20mg for all those years. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

I don't know what will happen when you go back down to 5.5mg. When we say HOLD, we mean "leave well enough alone." You didn't do that. You have gotten worse, which indicates increasing dosage is the wrong direction.

 

There are no guarantees. Most likely, even if you go back down to 5.5mg, it will take some time for your nervous system to settle down. You will need to hold.

 

As I said, jumping around in dosage makes it impossible for us to help. You just have to live with whatever happens.

 

 

[Peachy]

I understand. I had already gone back up to the 5.75 before reaching out, but yes, Ill go back down to the 5.5mg and hold there. Are these all normal symptoms of a destabilized system?  Is it possible they will fade with a longer hold?

Im just scared. 

Thank You. 

[Altostrata]

Peachy, the reason we recommend a hold is because we expect symptoms to settle down. Yes, your nervous system has been destabilized by dosage changes.

[Peachy]

Hello!

I tried doing a search, but did't come up with anything.

I'm wondering if anyone is going forward with, or has actually tried either intranasal Stem Cell therapy or HBOT?

 

[ChessieCat]

I use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to my search term.

 

Search:  survivingantidepressants.org stem cell:  stem-cell-therapy

 

Search:  survivingantidepressants.org hyperbaric:  hyperbaric-oxygen-treatment

 

 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Peachy said:

Calling all ladies. Let's talk PMS/PMDD during W/D or tapering. I am suffering SO bad with this. Actually, my WD symptoms are so much better 2 weeks of the month, but like clockwork, two days before I start I drop into darkness. It's seriously the same every time. I'm feeling pretty good, positive that I am healing, then the NEXT day, BAM. I fell hopeless, crying, dark/weird/irrational intrusive thinking, and I'm just pissed off. Can anyone relate? It's scary.

 

I have had my hormone levels checked, and they are fine. It seems that WD and the meds cause you to be hypersensitive to your own hormone fluctuations. Does this get better with time? Will this heal as the WD gets better?? Anyone who's been through the trenches and out the other side, do you have words of encouragement? I don't know how I will live with this!

 

I have spoken to my gyno, and although I'm totally against BC, as it's always caused me symptoms and weight gain in the past, I was thinking of trying a low dose progesterone only that haults your periods. I know this is horrible, but I wonder if it will help with healing if there aren't those fluctuations for awhile? Has anyone tried chastberry? Had a reaction to it? I'm currently hypersensitive to some supplements...

 

Has anyone experimented with this?? Has anything helped? Made it worse?

 

Thoughts, stories, ideas are appreciated!

 

xx 

 

I've moved your new topic to an existing discussion here:  pms-and-menstrual-cycle-issues-during-withdrawal

 

Please use the site search function or a search engine and add survivingantidepressants.org to your search term before creating a new topic.  Thank you.

 

[Petunia]

Hi Peachy,

You wrote this on my thread : 

"Hello! I am in the process of tapering my long-term Lexapro (ssri) use.I have been tapering for 2.5 yrs and experiencing WD the entire process.  It's hard to find others that have been on them as long as me (around 15 yrs). 

I'm just wondering how high was your dose? I'm in a fear state that bc I was on such a high dose for so long, that I will forever have tardive dysphoria. I do have ups and downs with the depression. 

I would love to hear your thoughts since you have been at this for awhile?!

I'm basically not always super depressed, but haven't managed to feel good either, just managing to get by, if this makes sense?

Thanks for any advice!"

 

So I thought it better to reply here so you would be sure to find it.

 

It's good you are tapering, it may be difficult, but I believe that in the long run, its the best way to become drug free with less discomfort. It may be unpleasant, but going cold turkey would most likely be worse with symptoms that last longer.

 

I was on antidepressants for 13 years and then other drugs to manage withdrawal symptoms for another 2 years, until I found this site and learned what was going on.

 

My original prescription of Lexapro was 10mg, but it was too much for me, so I reduced it to 5mg and stayed on that.

 

For a long time I had the same fears as you, that my brain would never be able to re-balance itself, that I would be for ever damaged and unable to enjoy life again. Its taken a while but I no longer worry about not being able to heal. I'm very close to declaring my recovery, I anticipate writing my recovery story, probably at the end of this year. I still have my ups and downs, but they are fairly normal now, quite similar to what I used to experience before I ever started taking drugs for anxiety. The difference now is that I've learned a lot about myself, the causes of my emotional issues and ways to deal with them, so in a way, I''m grateful for having gone through what I have. 

 

I don't think it matters what dose you were on, or how long you were taking them. Our brains have an incredible capacity for adapting and changing in response to the current environment. You will get better, it's inevitable and those good feelings will slowly start to come back. I remember the first time I heard myself laugh after not finding anything funny for several years. I was sure I had lost my sense of humor for ever, so it was such a relief to find something funny again. But it was just a temporary preview, it was months before I felt good feelings again. Patience and acceptance is key, there's no way to speed this recovery process up, our natural healing process takes as much time as it needs.... but it will happen.

[jozeff]

So peachy, how are you doing today? I read your story and I really hope you will be stable soon and are able to gently taper. I have been on celexa for two years and tapered from 24 to 16.5 mg in 75 days. Then I crashed somewhat and decided, after reading a lot on this site, to stay at the same dose for awhile. Still at 16.5 mg since 4 weeks. We all want to taper fast and get rid of these drugs. 

I'm interested in your story because I'm a bit in the same boat. Had my first anxiety attack while on celexa. My libido is absent, I feel like crying all the time but can't, very nasty thoughts about death and evil things are haunting me sometimes. I almost have forgotten how it felt to be normal. Just doing stuff all day without worrying or thinking. 

 

I'm sorry for you that such a small one change has such a large impact on your mood and well being.

 

I hope the best for you and wish you all the best!!!

 

Jozeff

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Peachy said:

Anyone experience problems with low blood pressure? I've become exercise intolerant. I start to get light headed and really weak, then I turn pale and feel like I'm going to vomit. I also get dizzy and shaky. I even felt a pain in my chest and right arm today...

I also get dizzy upon just standing somedays. 

I know my blood pressure is low bc I had to go to the ER with a stomach issue a few weeks ago, and they said I was dehydrated and had very low blood pressure. Which didn't make sense bc I hadn't been throwing up or diarrhea. Just pain and a fever. 

When I went for a follow up, they told me my blood pressure was still very low.  

Thoughts? Is this WD related, or should I look into it?

 

 

Your post has been moved to an existing topic: low-blood-pressure

 

There are many existing topic on this site.  As previously requested:

 

On 8/6/2018 at 11:31 AM, ChessieCat said:

Please use the site search function or a search engine and add survivingantidepressants.org to your search term before creating a new topic.  Thank you.

 

[ChessieCat]

Copy of what you posted in another member's topic:

 

18 minutes ago, Peachy said:

I am experiencing something similar, and I would love some input, or someone to say "Me too!".

 

My anger and irritation feels very "alarming" because it is totally irrational. It's usually aimed at loved ones or friends. Sometimes strangers. I will start to feel hyper sensitive, like to noises. I will almost have a buzzing in my ears. I begin to feel irritated by peoples voices and the words they are speaking. Like I'm annoyed and angry that they are even breathing. Even if they are saying nice things and helping me. The feelings are super distorted. Sometimes it even sounds distorted and it repeats in my head. Does that make sense? So scary... I never had this before going on medications 15 years ago, and have only had it while trying to taper. 

 

I will want to crawl out of my skin, and feel totally out of control during this phase. Even someone brushing up against me as they walk by me will make me feel extreme anger. I don't act on this anger/irritation. I'm just constantly holding it it, feeling like I'm loosing it. 

 

Does this sound like a form of Akathasia? I already have intrusive thoughts and urges, and when this symptom comes along I really can't manage. I'm literally afraid of myself and feel completely out of control. Is this a symptoms of WD, or am I actually very sick. Please tell me someone has had the same and healed from it?

 

My rationing is that if I were seriously mentally ill in this way, the antidepressants and small dose of Adderrall wouldn't have "covered up" such a severe mental illness. Does this sound right?

 

I really need advice, guidance, and assurance. I am 3 years into my taper, I'm still on 5mg Lexapro down from 20mg, and this symptom is relatively new, and getting stronger. I do have to say it seems to be much worse while on my period and right after. Is this a really bad sign of whats to come? Should I just give up and try to go back up to 20mg and just accept that I can't come off? Can I heal from this??

 

Help!

 

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Just now, ChessieCat said:

Should I just give up and try to go back up to 20mg and just accept that I can't come off?

 

If you go back to such a high dose things may get worse that they are.

 

1 minute ago, ChessieCat said:

Can I heal from this??

 

Others have, so I can't see why you can't.

 

Check out this area of SA:  success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

 

BrassMonkey, one of the mods, is now off his drug.  He wrote this topic to help other members:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

And if you see members with a ☼ in the Introduction Forum, these are members who are doing well.

Learning and using Non-drug techniques to cope can be helpful as well as Acceptance

 

Understanding what is happening can also help to take away the stress and adding second fear to the situation:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

 

And this:  Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

[ChessieCat]

There are many existing topics on this site.  I like to use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

akathisia-vs-restlessness-anxiety-agitation

[Peachy]

@ChessieCat thanks, and sorry. I've been visiting for 3 years and I still don't understand how to properly use this site. Maybe next year

 

[Peachy]

I guess I'm wondering if anyone experienced this SAME symptom,  bc I haven't really seen it on the sites, or know of a name to call it or look it up by.. OR if this is indeed a new mental health disorder... 

anyone else? Thoughts? Experiences from those that had it and healed? 

[ChessieCat]

Everything you have mentioned I have seen other members mention.

 

neuro-emotions

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

increased-sensitivity-to-light-noise-sound-exercise-etc

 

derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp

 

intrusiverepetitive-thoughts-rumination-and-increased-panic

[Peachy]

thanks @ChessieCat

 

I would like to explain better what is currently happening. 

 

It's very scary right now bc it feels very distorted. It's hard to explain. Someone can say something totally normal, even a joke, and I will experience the wrong emotion, which is normally anger and irritation. The emotion doesn't fit the situation. Sometimes even the sound of the voice stays in my head and repeats. Its so bizarre I don't even know how to explain it...

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Yes, other members have mentioned similar symptoms.  Here is one relating to songs:  intrusive-repetitive-song-symptom-or-ear-worms

 

You could look through the topic headings in this area of the forum:  symptoms-and-self-care

 

And this post might help you understand what is happening, rather than trying to find someone else experiencing the same thing.

 

 

[Peachy]

@ChessieCat

thank you! All of your support is very appreciated

 

[Peachy]

On 8/6/2018 at 8:06 AM, jozeff said:

I'm interested in your story because I'm a bit in the same boat. Had my first anxiety attack while on celexa. My libido is absent, I feel like crying all the time but can't, very nasty thoughts about death and evil things are haunting me sometimes. I almost have forgotten how it felt to be normal. Just doing stuff all day without worrying or thinking. 

Hi @jozeff! Sorry that I am just now responding. I am "ok". Not great, but been worse. I am having new symptoms that are very scary for me, but trying to ride it out and hoping they pass. I still have the nasty and evil thoughts. Now I have a sensitivity to sounds and voices, which makes me super agitated and angry, and makes me feel totally loony. 

I hope you are feeling better? Still having the thoughts?

 

[BAT]

Hello.   I was reading a little of your thread.   So if I ask questions that you have answered in your thread already I apologize.  

I was wondering if your off meds and if so how long? Also, you mentioned you had some new symptoms happening like the hearing sensitivity, I was wondering what other symptoms you have new, old and if any have gone away or gotten better?

 

[Peachy]

Topic title:  Everything feels aggressive...

 

I’ve been tapering for three years now, and have experienced acute WD the entire process since the beginning. 

 

I have had what I would call an “aggressive” feeling almost the entire time. My thoughts feel aggressive, my movements feel aggressive, and even urges feel aggressive. I can’t look at someone without feeling that way. 

All day everyday. It has gotten more pronounced lately. 

 Sometimes it feels more like extreme agitation....

 

Has anyone else experienced his? Like 24|7 without a window. Does it go away? 

 

It’s a horrible feeling...

 

 

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[ChessieCat]

I've moved the new topic you created and added it to your Intro topic.  Each member has only 1 Intro topic which keeps their history in one place.  Please ask questions and journal your progress here.

[ChessieCat]

Have you tried taking Magnesium?

[Peachy]

@ChessieCat

I have tried it. It didn't seem to make a difference. I recently tried the L-threonate version, and I am almost positive it brought on bad waves? Is this possible with magnesium?

[Peachy]

Hi All.

I am looking for feedback. I am recently obsessed with the fact that I was on the highest dose of Lexapro, and for over 15 years. Does this mean I might not heal? I see people 4 years out that were on MUCH less and for much shorter spans. 

Should I give up and try to go back on? 

I'm still micro-tapering. now at 4.65mg lexapro. 

Please help convince me otherwise...

[Carmie]

Hi Peachy, 

 

It’s easy to have obsessive thoughts when going through withdrawals. Yes, you will heal, we all will, we just have to be patient. Why would you want to go back up to a high dose when you’ve come so far? 

 

You are doing amazing with your tapering, keep it up. I was originally on 300mg of Seroquel and am down to 7.25mg now. I was on much higher doses than you, and I know I will heal, it’s just a long and slow process. 

 

Could you please update your signature. Thank you. 

 

Wishing you all the best with your continued healing.💚

[Andie]

15 minutes ago, Peachy said:

@Andie

same. Also the reason I had to go higher and higher. Everytime I stopped I needed more to make the WD stop. 

 

Me too. Its so frustrating. 

 

Needing to come off because of side effects and then suffering withdrawal. Its catch 22. 

 

[Peachy]

@Carmie

20mg's is actually the highest dose of lexapro, and from what I have researched is the strongest of all the SSRI's. So basically it is the highest dose that is prescribed. 

 

The reason I keep considering going back up is bc it's not just about getting off the drug for me. 

Yes, I want that, but I also want to live a full healthy life. Right now OCD and PMS is out of control and I haven't socialized or worked much in 3 years. And I'm still not to the lowest doses that supposedly cause the most symptoms.

 

If I was able to go back on the medication at full dose and stop the madness, I would probably consider that at this point...

 

[Peachy]

I started getting OCD when I was going on and off anti-depressants in college. I still do not know if this started organically for me, or it was a WD reaction. I never had it like that before. I experience harm intrusive thoughts. Every time I would go back on, the thoughts would go away all together, although I would need a higher dose to get back to base-line. Thats how I ended up at 20mg lexapro. 

 

NOW, since tapering to 4.5mg,  it is non stop. I also have new "themes" now and it makes it impossible to socialize. Not to mention all of the other WD effects I am experiencing. 

 

Has anyone with organic OCD gotten MUCH worse during the taper/WD, and has this lessened for you the longer you heal? 

My goal was to manage my OCD on my own, and to get off these drugs. I also wanted to have a baby. I would rather be on medication than feel like this. 

 

I just need to know if this will/might get back to a manageable level, or should I just attempt going back up to my original dose? I know there is always danger in that too, but I have done that in the past and it did work for me then. My CNS was probably even more destabalized back then, but for a much shorter period of time. 

 

Thoughts? I can't find others who had organic OCD, tapering made it hell, and then it went back to a baseline after healing. 

 

 

[Gridley]

6 minutes ago, Peachy said:

should I just attempt going back up to my original dose

 

You've made such great progress over the time of your taper.  As Carmie said earlier,  "Yes, you will heal, we all will, we just have to be patient. Why would you want to go back up to a high dose when you’ve come so far?" 

 

An alternative to updosing would be a good long hold of several months to allow your system to stabilize

[Peachy]

@Gridley

Thanks for the reply! Yes, I have come so far, but like I said, my main goal is to live the best life I can with OCD. 

 

My problem is that I don't know what my organic ocd is, and what is WD ocd, if that makes sense? I was medicated at the first sign of ocd, but I know it wasn't THIS bad. I haven't found others with organic OCD that stuck it out in WD, and say that it got much better. I can only find horror stories of WD making OCD much worse, years out. There are no "updates" that I can find.  

 

The other issue is the horrific PMS/PMDD I'm experiencing now. This wasn't there before I started tapering. Although, as my doctor pointed out, it could have been there and been covered by the meds. I know that isn't a popular thought here. SSRI is the most helpful "treatment" out there for this.

 

I do not want to put labels on my experience, but women DO get pmdd in there late 30's, with or w/out  SSRI WD, and that is where I am in life. I am sure that WD is making it worse, but again, I don't know my baseline. 

 

I would hold, thank you for that suggestion, but I just started tapering again after a good 6 month hold. This didn't change things for me. I was just as bad then as I am now with the tapering. After 3 years, my goal is to get to a spot where I am functioning normally again, with or without the pills. I haven't been working, living, or socializing for the entire time I've been tapering. 

[Gridley]

10 minutes ago, Peachy said:

After 3 years, my goal is to get to a spot where I am functioning normally again, with or without the pills. I haven't been working, living, or socializing for the entire time I've been tapering. 

 

I understand your dilemma.

 

If you decide to updose, I would suggest a very small dosage increase and not going back up to your original 20mg dosage.  In the time that you've been tapering your brain has gotten used to the lower doses and might not be able to handle a large increase.  These drugs are strong, and when reinstating/updosing it is better to start with a small amount and increase if symptoms remain unbearable. Your system has become sensitized and If you take too much it may be too much for your brain and can cause you become unstable.  

 

Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

 It takes about 4 days for a dose change to get to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

If you decide to updose, you could consider an increase of 0.5 to 1mg.  If after a week or so, you are feeling no relief, you could increase again by the time small amount.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Peachy]

Thanks @Gridley for understanding.

I REALLY don't want to go back to my original dose, I really do want to see how i am when i am off and "healed".  I really want to have control again, and have a baby.

But, bc I have been incapacitated the entire taper (3 yrs) I don't know what is possible for me... I wasn't ok at 10mg, i wasn't ok at 5, or even at 15mg. For some, they know their baseline. I just don't... I don't want to go off my meds thinking it's ALL WD, and then 8 years later I'm much worse off than I was on the meds. 

I'm totally floored by the thought of going back on. I feel hopeless. 

 

[Gridley]

26 minutes ago, Peachy said:

I'm totally floored by the thought of going back on. I feel hopeless. 

 

I am so sorry you're having such a rough taper.  It is not hopeless.  I really believe that everyone does heal, though it can take so long.

 

I wasn't suggesting you go back on.  You certainly don't have to, and that would be my suggestion at this point.  I just wanted you to have the information.  As I mentioned earlier, you could hold where you are for a while and see what happens.  As is so often the case with these terrible drugs, there are no good solutions, just choices between bad ones.  I too am tapering Lexapro.  I'm going okay, not great.  I congratulate you on getting so low in dosage.

[Peachy]

Thanks for the support @Gridley  you will be my hero when get off Lexapro and heal ❤️

Im not sure it’s my journey to get off anymore.