Kernol: was doing well on my sertraline taper but now in hell and doc reinstated

[Altostrata]

When did you increase diazepam? It looks like your dosing has been inconsistent over the last few days. What is your diazepam schedule?

 

Compared to 2 weeks ago, some of your symptoms have eased, with waves as expected. I know you are still having a bad time. It seems that early morning cortisol rush is very hard on you.

 

Since you've moved sertraline to 2 p.m., how has your symptom pattern in the evening changed?

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata the nausea and chills have all but gone but I don’t see any other easing of symptoms I don’t think? skin stuff is definitely worse. I think i have been consistent with my dosing unless I have recorded something incorrectly?  - I did the increase Of diazepam on 13th so this is my 6th day.  Dosage schedule is 9.00am 2mg 1pm 1.5mg 6.00pn 1.75mg 
 

Since changing the time of sertraline I don’t notice much change in evening except less respite from my evening dose of diazepam .i notice my sleep seems to be worse more nightmares and I’ve got this heat at night with lots of burning skin but I don’t know if that is related to the change. Bruxism remains exactly as it was before.

[Altostrata]

7 minutes ago, Kernol said:

the nausea and chills have all but gone

 

This is good. We don't expect dramatic improvement, it inches along.

 

The increase in diazepam should be taking greater effect now. Please hang in there.

 

I believe the bruxism is from the cortisol surge. Your hypersensitivity to this is a legacy of withdrawal syndrome from one drug or another.

 

38 minutes ago, Kernol said:

hi @Altostrata unfortunately  don’t see any stability yet. Skin burning/pain is very intense getting more so every day reminds me of when I was first tapering sertraline but even worse. bruxism is also very bad and the chemical anxiety acid trip feelings very high. Do I just carry on like this? What do you recommend? I don’t think the updose in diazepam has helped and I’m not even getting evening respite like I used to. Thanks for any advice you can give. I’m starting to lose hope for stabilisation of any kind now it has been so long. 
 

17/3

 

8.00am feel some chemical depression, not amped like previous days. Strong emotions of nauseating horror and darkness

8.30am skin is really painful like Chinese burns, hurts when I put my clothes on. I’m hot too my body temperature is overheating 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am feel stomach churning anxiety and depression and at reminder of where I used to live or the past my own or anyone else’s is making me feel a dark doom. 

11.00am put laundry on

12.00pm do a work email 

1.00pm feel my mind is pulling me back to this darkness is filling my chest. Got some nausea and hypersalivation. Get shown a video of a lorry on a motorway in sunshine - gives me strong acid trip terror feeling. Random memories half formed of the past come rapid fire at same time. Feel deranged with these things. Stomach and back skin is burning and sizzling. Take 1.5mg diazepam 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline. Feel lots of dread it’s coming on strong I feel I could vomit.

3.00pm put laundry out. Feel electric chemical anxiety in my chest. Skin is burning and sizzling

4.00pm manage to do work email but lots of strange intrusive memories and acid trip feeling with them 

5.00pm knees start to burn. Lie down and do some deep breathing 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam. Strong Chemical anxiety when thinking of anything really. Burning skin on stomach with the anxiety. 
7.00pm eat dinner 

8.00pm lie in bed. Back and Stomach and Knees burning and sizzling pain on torso. Anxiety calmed a tiny bit but not the respite I was getting weeks ago from evening dose 

9.00pm lights out 

10.00pm-3.00am - nightmares, night sweats waking me. Feel strong chemical electric anxiety in chest when waking. Very disoriented no idea what day it is or where I am when waking 

4.00am wake with strong cortisol rush panic, skin sizzles and burns intensely on torso immediately and teeth clenching severe

5.00am-7.00am in and out of toxic sleep wake state. A few hallucinations on waking

 

*bruxism severe

*skin burning and pain very severe

*derealisation low to medium

*flashbacks and chemical acid trip terror high

*doom, chemical depression medium 

*feet still vibrating inside 

*sleep not good. Nightmares/nightsweats

*nausea minimal 

*body temperature hot at night and in morning 

 

 

 

 

This dread after 2 p.m. sertraline -- does this happen often? This is an important clue.

 

Taking diazepam close to sertraline may be causing sertraline spike, as they inhibit each other's metabolism.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata thank you. I don’t think it’s a usual thing around 2pm but I will see if I notice any pattern. Yes I believe the Bruxism is a legacy from my drastic drop and updose of sertraline in August as it began probably within a week of this as did the visual disturbances and flashbacks. The cortisol spikes I have had all the way all 15 months of withdrawal of sertraline but they feel much more intense and chemical since September too. 

[Altostrata]

Yes, let's look closely at the sertraline effects.

[Kernol]

18/3

 

8.00am get up have shower. Some derealisation and chemical anxiety feelings. No amped up feeling.

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. drink oat smoothie

10.00am quite anxious lots of intrusive memories coming with trippy chemical electric feeling anxiety

11.30am manage to do a work email. 

12.30pm in laws arrive. Make them a cup of tea. Able to converse although when showing me some YouTube clips I get a trippy horror feeling on seeing a lorry on a sunny day on a motorway — really strong. Get disappointed these are still so strong and nonsensical bizarre reactions 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam 

1.30pm eat sandwich 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm more able to talk to in laws now and showing them things in the house etc

4.00pm do some work emails. A couple of strange intrusive memories but able to deal with them 

5.00pm watch news - I am never able to watch the news without getting a feeling of dread doom or chemical terror feeling but I can watch it and although feelings are there am able to breathe through 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.30pm eat dinner at table 

7.30pm tv is on and I am able to sit in living room with family. Few spikes when looking at the programmes but not too bad. feel better than I did this morning

9.00pm I’m still up. This is unusual. 
10.00pm go to bed. Bit hot knees when getting into bed but not the same level of hot temperature from previous nights 

11.30pm-4.30am sleep ok. Teeth clenching fairly severe

5.00am-7.45am cortisol rushes but far less than previously. Probably the least cortisol rush intensity since early January. There is burning and sizzling of skin but I’m not boiling hot. I start to sneeze and my nose runs like an allergy (this has happened all other times my cortisol rushes are less intense - so odd must mean something but I have no idea what) 

7.45am in and out of past memories which then does spike higher chemical anxiety rushes - quite intense so get up 

 

*derealisation medium to low

*chemical anxiety / acid trip feelings medium

*chemical depression low

*morning cortisol rush less than normal

*skin burning medium to severe 

*bruxim severe

*nausea minimal 

 

19/3

 

8.30am have shower. Feel some burning and sizzling of skin and a little nausea. 
9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am doing dusting round the house and cleaning areas I haven’t touched in months 

11.00am eat my third piece of toast in morning -  I can never eat in the morning

12.00pm getting some slightly trippy feelings coming when mother in law talks about the past - it starts to give me chemical strong surge in anxiety and I feel disappointed. 
1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam 

1.30pm notice my anxiety is now much higher than morning and I have lost the interest I had in morning. I am starting to get strong reactions to anything and everything in conversation and making me feel a bit nauseated with it. Time travelling into past which makes derealisation worse

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm manage a couple of work emails. Disappointed that I feel stronger chemical anxiety This afternoon when yesterday afternoon I was better than this. 

4.00pm do a couple of work emails and help in kitchen 

5.00pm tv is on news is on and I get strong feeling of chemical anxiety and dread and doom so have to leave room. 
6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.45pm eat dinner but on my own 

7.30pm lay in bed with really strong electric anxiety feels so chemical. Try and look at stuff on my phone but looking at anything spikes it. I see pictures of daffodils in a field and it gives me the acid trip feeling of horror. I despair that nature gives me this I feel so abnormal. Nausea and hypersalivation have started

8.30pm go back downstairs and help mother in law set up Pinterest on her tablet 

9.00pm the images start to make me feel intense trippy feeling so strong I have to go to bed

10.00pm lights out. Not hot in fact freezing in bed.

11.00pm-4.00am sleep ok except waking with heat and some burning. Cortisol rush not as intense again. Bruxism still severe

5.00am-7.00am lying in bed in and out of sleep not too toxic as rushes are there but less horrific . Guess what - I start to sneeze again and have a runny nose just on waking like yesterday 

8.00am I start to get some intense feelings of horror when thinking about random roads where  I grew up - very intense chemical electric feeling so I get up

 

*derealisation low-medium 

*chemical anxiety/acid trip reactions high

*horror of past and time travelling - high

*cortisol rushes lower again 

*chemical depression medium to low

*bruxism severe

*skin burning medium 

*nausea in evening 

 

 

Hi @Altostrata morning cortisol was lower last 2 mornings although not so much this morning. Came with nasal allergy symptoms just on waking just like last time in jan and Dec when the morning cortisol rushes were less severe. I sure wish I knew what the connection was between the allergy symptoms and the lowered cortisol. I think I mentioned before I had these morning allergy symptoms most of the years I was taking sertraline but they have been absent in withdrawal. Seem to have seen a ramp up in Chemical bizarre trippy reactions to things and the past which has been very strong. 

 

[Altostrata]

I think maybe you are stressed when your in-laws are around.

 

Perhaps you could look at news less, too. It's giving all of us bad feelings.

 

Are you perhaps allergic to the material in the mask? Does it have lavender in it? A lovely herb, but many people are allergic to it.

 

I would wash the mask with gentle soap and try again.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata thanks for replying. I enjoy having my in-laws here but it may be that because I have more Conversation there is more to trigger me! I will avoid the news you’re right. I actually haven’t been wearing the sleep mask as i found it a bit uncomfortable and didn’t work in terms of me waking any later but the cortisol rushes just lowered by themselves for 2 days and the allergy symptoms come at the same time - I just think it’s fascinating because I had self same thing on the other two occasions that it was less severe! 

[Altostrata]

You can use a scarf as a sleep mask, too. Amazon has some lovely inexpensive soft silk masks. I like my purple one.

 

It's spring, no doubt trees and flowers near you are releasing pollen. Many of us are sneezing now.

[Terry]

2 hours ago, Kernol said:

3.00pm more able to talk to in laws now and showing them things in the house etc

4.00pm do some work emails. A couple of strange intrusive memories but able to deal with them 

5.00pm watch news - I am never able to watch the news without getting a feeling of dread doom or chemical terror feeling but I can watch it and although feelings are there am able to breathe through 

6.30pm eat dinner at table 

7.30pm tv is on and I am able to sit in living room with family. Few spikes when looking at the programmes but not too bad. feel better than I did this morning

Hi Kernol,

As I read these I am seeing glimmers of hope.  They may seem insignificant, but I truly believe they are signs of beginning healing.  I'm cheering you and remembering you in prayer.

 

Take care,

Terry

[Kernol]

21 hours ago, Terry said:

Hi Kernol,

As I read these I am seeing glimmers of hope.  They may seem insignificant, but I truly believe they are signs of beginning healing.  I'm cheering you and remembering you in prayer.

 

Take care,

Terry

thank you @Terry bless you for this - it means a lot. I hope you are doing ok 

[Kernol]

20/3

 

8.30am have shower feel strong derealisation as it’s very sunny and the anxiety is already very electric and chemical in my chest stomach. 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. drink oat smoothie. Try and pull myself back into the present but my mind keeps making me feel like I’m living in the past it’s so awful I hate it. I try and tell myself it will one day go

10.30am put some laundry on and derealisation lessens a bit

11.45am anxiety and derealisation is rising again. I don’t know what to do with myself I feel deranged all these past memories and time travelling is so overwhelming i wonder if I’ve lost my mind 

12.30pm manage a small sandwich - no appetite 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam. 
1.30pm no respite from the dose. I try and watch tv with husband but I can’t settle as the anxiety is like a volcano in my chest and I feel so detached with the derealisation. I can’t stand the sunny day which upsets me 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm same as earlier - just such strong chemical electric anxiety and derealisation and time travelling 

4.00pm try and do some vacuuming 

5.00pm just want the day to be over. I so want to be outside enjoying the sun instead I hate sunny days now because I feel so trippy 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

6.45pm lay on bed deep breathing. 
7.30pm manage some dinner but have nausea and hypersalivation 

8.30pm try looking at interiors on my phone - usually I love interiors but the weird trippy anxiety is still spiking at certain images 

9.30pm lights out 

10.30pm - 4.00am sleep ok just one nightmare and night sweat. Wake with hot body temperature but not as hot as some nights this week.

5.00am -8.00am cortisol rushes - but not as intense as some nights. Teeth clenching severe. 
 

*derealisation high

*chemical/electric anxiety - very high and relentless except for 45 minutes in morning

*time travelling and past memories - very high 

*skin burning medium to low

*bruxism severe

*feet both still vibrating 

*nausea in evening 

 

I am noticing now my bite has totally changed. I guess the result of having bad Bruxism for so long. Feels like I have someone else’s teeth in my mouth 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Are you sensitive to light? This is not an usual withdrawal symptom. Your nervous system is telling you to cut down on light stimulation. Please wear dark glasses, even indoors. You can draw, the curtains, too.

 

Do you work at a computer a lot? The light coming from the computer might also be keeping your nerves jangled. The dark glasses will help.

 

Increased sensitivity to light, noise, sound, exercise etc

 

Inactivity may make sympathetic nervous system hypersensitive...

 

Light-sensitive? Try blocking out blue light

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

 

Post-withdrawal nervous system hypersensitivity or kindling

 

Computer Program Adjusts Blue Light to Time of Day

 

Increased sensitivity to emotional content: TV, violent movies, music, conversations.

[Kernol]

Thanks @Altostrata I am not sure if it is a sensitivity to light exactly it is more that sunny days seem to escalate the derealisation and acid trip type feeling but I will try sunglasses and thanks for the other links I certainly can relate to the emotive content one as I find it impossible to watch most tv,films etc 

 

things seem to be escalating again. I just go round in circles with one dominant symptom being replaced by another and back round we go but no relief or windows - I just exist in survival mode. Am I still doing the right thing by holding? I just don’t see how this is ever going to stabilise now. 
 

21/3

 

9.00am have shower feel strong derealisation and extremely strong electric anxiety - terror at anything I think about. It is truly painful emotionally, I try and breathe through but it’s barbaric like nothing I could ever imagine I would feel. Take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am drink oat smoothie. Still deep breathing and crying out with the feelings of horror. 
11.00am hanging on, sit down with husband, crying out when the spikes of painful emotional anxiety are so powerful 

11.45am anything is triggering me any conversation any thought in my head just returns a terror feeling. I try and calm myself 

12.30pm dry retching with the strength of it. Back burning is very strong and painful. Teeth are still clenched.

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam.

1.30pm eat tuna salad 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm still feel same as morning everything triggering me, very strong reactions awful feeling of utter horror and dread I can’t even describe 

4.30pm still same. Just waiting for hours to pass hoping the diazepam might give a bit of relief even though I hate that I have to take it

5.30pm escalated to such a level I have to lie down I feel traumatised and totally disconnected from world around me 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam

6.30pm it’s taken the slightest edge off but I’m still getting spikes of this chemical horror at anything I think about. I can’t self soothe at all today - I try my hardest but nothing is working 

7.00pm lay in bed, back and stomach are burning and sizzling quite painful 

8.00pm film is on in background the dramatic music gives me a feeling of such strong doom like someone has died. I have to ask him to turn it off

8.30pm the strangest half memory that doesn’t even make sense comes pushing into my mind with full force of horror. I yelp out loud 

9.00pm I cry a little. I just want to be me again and I don’t know if it will ever happen. I see no signs of stabilisation after 7 months since my second sertraline crash 

 

*derealisation high

*chemical horror - off the charts 

*depression medium

*intrusive memories - some strong ones 

*time travelling - strong at times

*skin burning And pain worse than previous few days 

*bruxism severe

*cortisol rushes stronger 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Kernol said:

I just go round in circles with one dominant symptom being replaced by another and back round we go

 

This is very typical of withdrawal syndrome.

 

Strongly recommend you experiment with dark glasses, even indoors, for a while.

 

You seem to be sensitive to sounds as well. Have you tried playing very soft meditation music or ambient music? Following it with your mind might help your system settle down.

[Kernol]

Thanks @Altostrata I have tried listening to soft meditation Music and sometimes I do okay and other times I get this awful emotional horror feeling - so messed up.  I know you say withdrawal is circles but I don’t seem to have any respite and I’m not sure what I am holding on for anymore - do you still think stabilisation can come by holding the dose? 
 

22/3

 

4.30am wake with strong cortisol rush and back burning and sizzling, Teeth slamming down

5.00am - 7.30am in and out of toxic sleep with cortisol rushes and strong panicky dread feelings 

8.00am have shower. feel such strong painful emotional anxiety I feel nauseated. My teeth and jaw is tight 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Drink oat smoothie The very intense chemical anxiety is dampened slightly but I still feel some spikes at hearing children playing in garden. Like it makes me travel back in time and I feel terror at the past for no reason. 
10.30am put laundry on

11.00am dad visits. Able to converse but only on limited topics as anything to do with home or the past sends me into a spin 

12.00pm intense surge of terror and derealisation comes and goes right up into my brain so electric. I feel like I don’t know where i am I feel so disconnected and frankly terrified. I don’t know what this withdrawal is going to throw at me next. It always Feels ever so slightly different.

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Calm down a tiny bit after some deep breathing. Eat veggie wrap

2.00pm take .16mg sertraline 

3.00pm spikes coming in and out 

4.45pm rising a bit like the lunchtime one now. I start to feel horror at birds singing and a friend I used to know comes to mind and she fills me with horror too for no reason at all. I feel like i might be losing my mind. I have no control over where it is going 

5.30pm lie on bed for more breathing 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

7.00pm Tiny bit calmer but not much I still feel it under the surface and triggered by the slightest thing. Manage dinner 

8.40pm I just want to go to sleep. My knees are burning and back is burning and my Teeth feel tight and alien in my mouth 

9.00pm lights out 

10.30pm wake with nightmares and night sweats 

11.30pk-4.30am sleep ok but wake with strong cortisol rush and burning and painful sizzling of skin and teeth clenching 

 

*derealisation medium to high

*chemicall horror feeling off the scale 

*depression medium to low

*skin burning medium to severe

*bruxism severe

*intrusive memories and time travelling high 

*internal vibrations in feet still there 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, are you seeing any difference after you take sertraline at 2 p.m.?

 

Please wear dark glasses to reduce the light stimulation.

 

Your pattern seems like benzo withdrawal syndrome to me. Hang in there. I am consulting with Shep.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata thanks I did wear the glasses today. I am interested to know your thinking on it being Benzo withdrawal syndrome and not the sertraline as many of the symptoms all began as soon as I down dosed and up dosed that in September - The intrusive memories, the Bruxism, the chemical terror, visual disturbances etc all within a week of those dose changes so I can’t help but think it was that major destabilisation that set it all off. The burning Skin I have always had ever since the reinstatement of sertraline in Nov 18 but it is the worst it has ever been now. 
 

I don’t notice any particular change in the afternoon after taking sertraline

 

thank you so much 
 

 

[Katy398]

1 hour ago, Kernol said:

some spikes at hearing children playing in garden. Like it makes me travel back in time and I feel terror at the past for no reason. 

Hi Kernol, 

When this was happening to me throughout the day, every single day for months and months, I thought it would and could never end. It has got much less now. So much so that now I can even hear children playing or find a photograph and think Wow I must be getting better because that used to be a trigger. 

You will stabilise you really will. Just try to believe this and keep reaching out. 

Take care thinking of you K

[Katy398]

What are hot showers and epsom salt baths like for you?

[Shep]

 

 

On 3/18/2020 at 2:22 PM, Kernol said:

I did the increase Of diazepam on 13th so this is my 6th day.

 

Please add this date to your signature, which is here:

 

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On 3/18/2020 at 2:22 PM, Kernol said:

the nausea and chills have all but gone but I don’t see any other easing of symptoms I don’t think? 

 

And I'm going to add in some improvements that, as Terry noticed earlier, from your post here from that same day, March 18: 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/19296-kernol-was-doing-well-on-my-sertraline-taper-but-now-in-hell-and-doc-reinstated/page/15/?tab=comments#comment-478827

 

It sounds like you may be seeing some improvements as the diazepam builds up in your system. 

 

But it still comes with the usual windows and waves patterns, so it sounds like you're back in a wave. 

 

On 3/21/2020 at 11:30 AM, Kernol said:

I am noticing now my bite has totally changed. I guess the result of having bad Bruxism for so long. Feels like I have someone else’s teeth in my mouth 

 

I had this same symptom for a long time. Some of it may be from the bruxism, but I also felt some of this was from the intense dp/dr. Nothing about my body felt real or connected. If you're wearing a night guard every night, that will not only help with limiting the damage to your teeth, but also in keeping your teeth aligned. 

 

16 hours ago, Kernol said:

I am interested to know your thinking on it being Benzo withdrawal syndrome and not the sertraline as many of the symptoms all began as soon as I down dosed and up dosed that in September - The intrusive memories, the Bruxism, the chemical terror, visual disturbances etc all within a week of those dose changes so I can’t help but think it was that major destabilisation that set it all off.

 

Yes, this is what we're also wondering. 

 

How do you feel - overall - with the diazepam increase? Just your gut reaction, keeping in mind the windows and waves patterns. 

[Kernol]

Hi @Shep thank you for your response. I did have a lessening of symptoms on that day and the cortisol rushes in the morning were less for two days but that was all I had. I got a bit excited thinking maybe it was going to be a window but Since then back into very strong mental symptoms - what is odd is that they seem to be changing how they feel like no day is the same and I am never sure what I am going to get.

 

i am wearing the night guard every night. The clenching has been very intense the last night waking me throughout the night.

 

my gut feeling is that the diazepam has not done much although I believe it does dampen down the mental anguish a little during the short hours I get from it. My gut and heart tells me that I am stuck in a situation where the real culprit is actually the sertraline destabilisation and it feels like I am just going round in circles with no progress. If I had days regularly where I had a lessening of the mental symptoms I might think differently but I just don’t seem to get that and as the weeks and months roll by I feel more and more desperately stuck. 
 

[Kernol]

15 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Hi Kernol, 

When this was happening to me throughout the day, every single day for months and months, I thought it would and could never end. It has got much less now. So much so that now I can even hear children playing or find a photograph and think Wow I must be getting better because that used to be a trigger. 

You will stabilise you really will. Just try to believe this and keep reaching out. 

Take care thinking of you K

Hi @Katy398 thank you so much for saying this - you have given me some hope that I will one day be able to think about the past and other triggers normally again.  
 

re the Epsom salt baths - I was having them regularly but lately I get so hot in bed I have given them a rest as it seems to make me burn up even more. I am okay with showers usually. 

[Kernol]

23/3

 

7.00am very hot in bed - cortisol rushes strong feel derealisation 

8.00am have shower. Strong derealisation and surroundings seem so unfamiliar. Electric anxiety is strong in my stomach making me nauseated

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Have oat smoothie

10.00am derealisation still high. Spikes of extreme chemical anxiety but less

11.00am do some work emails 

12.00pm stilll working but feeling very strange derealisation and amped up feeling 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam. Have whole meal Pitta sandwich 

2.00pm Still feel strong derealisation and amped up. Back is sizzling and burning pain . Take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm do some more work but having some spikes of strong chemical anxiety 

4.30pm feel so ungrounded like I don’t know where I am. I feel disconnected amped up 

5.00pm lie on bed. Start to get knees burning. I look at house across the street and it gives me a strong feeling of doom like it is in a horror movie. Upsets me. Try and breathe through it 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

7.00pm still feel strange not calmed down. Try and watch light hearted comedy programs set in Greece / get Chemical dread and doom at watching it so feel very upset 

9.00pm lights out 

10.00pm wake with head exploding noise 

11.00pm -3.00am - waking with my teeth biting down so hard and some nightmares.

4.00am - wake extremely hot and with cortisol rushes and some feelings of chemical depression of day ahead. Skin on back is burning and sizzling 

[Kernol]

24/3

 

7.00am in and out of toxic sleep with cortisol rushes and memories 

8.00am get up have showed. Very strong derealisation. Feel amped and everything feels unfamiliar. Got electric feeling anxiety in my chest like I have been wired into and electric socket 

9.00am take .2mg diazepam. Have oat smoothie

10.30am still strong derealisation 

11.00am do some work emails. Start getting shivers and chills and a headache - no fever 

12.00pm derealisation still very strong and time travelling into the past. Every sound or sight makes me feel like I’m living in a different time. Feel truly deranged. Try and do some deep breathing as nothing else is working. Feet are feeling vibrations so much even if my husband is walking in next room and my feet are on sofa it vibrates inside 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam. No appetite. Have some oatcakes 

1.30pm do some work emails derealisation and electric anxiety still strong 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 
3.00pm do some work emails still same as earlier 

4.00pm still same and skin is burning more

5.00pm feel still such strong derealisation and this electric feeling in my chest so painful emotionally too - time travelling still 

6.00pm take 1.75mg diazepam 

7.00pm manage a small meal

8.00pm just want to go to bed so that day is over

9.00pm lights out. Still feel electric anxiety and some depression now as last few days have been so off the scale 

10.30pm-2am severe teeth cleaning waking me and nightmares 

2am-4am keep waking as so hot have to remove covers

4.30am cortisol rushes / despite eye mask unfortunately makes no difference 

5.00am-7.00am Depression dread and strong electric chemical anxiety

 

@Altostrata and @Shep what do you think? I am at a loss to know what to do now. Do I updose sertraline down dose sertraline - I cant imagine holding longer is ever going to provide relief now but maybe I’m wrong?! I would value your advice on a plan going forward as I am in such a state thinking there is no way out for me on top of all my symptoms which is making me worse. I feel like I am just doomed to endless suffering. 

[Shep]

@Kernol  As Alto posted earlier in your thread, diazepam and sertraline are inhibiting each other's metabolism.  Since removing the sertraline will cause you to metabolize the diazepam faster, you don't want to reduce the sertraline yet.  The goal is to increase the diazepam enough that you can start reducing the sertraline in the future. So we're thinking that increasing the diazepam a bit more may help. 

 

What do you think about increasing the diazepam another .25 mg? 

 

[Kernol]

Hi @Shep I don’t think my doctor will allow me to take any more and they only give me 14 days supply at a time.  They are quite insistent that I reduce it as was the nhs psychiatrist I had and although I no longer have a psychiatrist only a GP. They are not happy that I haven’t reduced it in the last few months. I can try again but if they won’t give me any more what can I do then? 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, what part of the UK do you live in?

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata I live in Warwickshire in the midlands. Is there a doctor you know of that understands withdrawals as I have tried so hard to find one but they all try and put me on more drugs? 

[Altostrata]

I'll try to find one who will advocate for you.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata that would be amazing if you can find one.  thank you so much 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, so far cannot find a doctor. I am advised they are being more lenient with the benzos now, as anxiety is high. Please talk to your GP about extending your prescription.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata thanks for trying. I will speak to him about it. He may be more understanding if I can get it across to him that it is a way of helping me to be able to start tapering the sertraline.

[Kernol]

25/3

 

7.00am wake up feel derealisation and strong chemical anxiety in my chest 

8.00am have shower - still strong derealisation 

9.00am have 2mg diazepam. Oat smoothie

11.00am  do some work emails. Few strong spikes of horror for inexplicable reasons like hearing birds outside, looking at colleague on video call, so strong but breathed through 

12.00pm still high derealisation - doesn’t leave me 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam. Have salad

2.00pm still strong derealisation and painfully emotional chemical anxiety spikes feel like every nerve ending is raw and electrified. Take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm hear football being kicked outside reminds me of childhood - gives me strong horror. Upsets me. Try and accept 

4.00pm still strong derealisation it doesn’t leave today 

5.00pm getting more chemical spikes of this electric emotional anxiety feeling in my chest. Lay down to breathe in dark room. Notice strong tinnitus like a train is going through my ear. Lasts for 10 minutes and fades 
5.30pm I feel like my chest And stomach is wrenching with all this chemical terror it’s like every nerve is being squeezed.

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam. lay down deep breathe

7.00pm small dinner 

8.00pm try and watch tv but it just sets off this terror and strange feelings mixed in with past memories. Derealisation has not left 

9.00pm hear an advert for haribo sweets and that sets off a huge chemical volcano in my chest. Feel so damaged. Tinnitus loud again for 15 minutes or so 

9.30pm lights out 

10.00-2am - sleep with a couple of nightmares 

2.00am wake up with panic attack corrtisol rushes and burning sizzling skin. Very hot in bed have to take covers off

2.00am-6.00am - cortisol rushes and panics and strong teeth clenching 

 

26/3

 

7.00am very strong cortisol rushes so lay awake . Feel same as yesterday derealisation and strong chemical anxiety

8.00am have shower. Birds singing send me back in time and feel disorientated 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam And have oat smoothie.

10.00am derealisation still strong 

11.00am do some work emails. 
11.45am very strong spikes of anxiety thinking about past or future or anything. So strong it feels like my chest will burst with the broken feeling of nerves inside all electrified and intense emotion I can’t even describe 

12.30pm have sandwich 

1.00 take 1.5mg diazepam 

1.45pm derealisation still strong with intermittent spikes of the chemical horror feeling. 
2.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm derealisation still strong. Intrusive memory comes totally random of a college my friends attended Years ago - no connection to anything I had been thinking about and comes with spoke of terror

4.00pm walk into kitchen but still nothing feels familiar. Amped up from feeling so detached and so damaged 

5.00pm another whole day of intense derealisation and chemical anxiety spikes 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm dampens tiny bit but not like respite I used to get. Still feel strong derealisation and horror feelings coming in waves

8.00pm try and watch Netflix show - it’s like an endurance test Rarher than pleasure. I had loved this show. I feel like a volcano of chemical anxiety in my chest throughout and it sets off strange half formed memories. Feel deranged.

 9.00pm lights out 

10.00am -2.30am sleep but so hot and wake with strong cortisol rush panics and teeth clenching 

2.30am-6.00am very broken sleep with teeth clenching and cortisol rush panics and burning sizzling skin on back 

 

[Kernol]

27/3

 

8.00am get up have shower. Feel electric anxiety and mental anguish in my chest. Strong derealisation 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Have oat smoothie 

10.00am do some work emails. Finding it hard as emotional pain is strong and I can’t concentrate. Feels chemical in my chest 

11.45am derealisation still strong and overwhelmed by my situation can’t help thinking I have been ill since November 2018 with no respite and I don’t know how I will ever get out. Try and tell myself I will heal 

12.30pm still feel derealisation and spikes of chemical terror feeling at thoughts images anything really 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam 

2.00pm have call with Baylissa. Feel more hopeful when speaking to her but then my hope fades as soon as I’ve finished. Take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm have Sandwich 

4.00pm derealisation still strong 

5.00pm just want it to be time for bed 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam and have dinner 

7.00pm lie in bed skin burning not too bad

8.00pm try and watch tv show - find it very hard as lots of dread and chemical anxiety but manage it

9.00pm lights out 

10.30pm- 3.00am sleep ok a couple of nightmares but not overly hot in bed

4.00am -7.00am in and out of cortisol rushes and teeth clenching bad. Not too much dread on waking 

 

28/3

 

8.00am have shower and dread and chemical anxiety kicks in

9.00am take 2mg diazepam Have oat smoothie 

10.00am derealisation not too bad but high chemical anxiety like my nerves are raw 

11.00am clean the Shower glass in bathroom felt nauseated with strong dread and depression thought I would vomit but didn’t 

12.00pm try and do crossword but I’m not interested 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam 

2.00pm feel a bit more depression coming and thoughts turning to dark things death mans everything seems to be a trigger for strong reactions. take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm same as above lots of dark thoughts dark intrusive memories 

5.00pm have bath

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm try and watch tv show and get off the scale emotional reactions so strong I have to switch it off. They come with the strange half formed memories bombarding me. My brain seems to be malfunctioning. Feel sick with the strength of emotion 

8.00pm period starts 

9.00pm lights out 

10.30pm - 4.00am sleep ok no hot flushes and no burning skin. Wake with Teeth clenching 

4.00am-8.00am in and out of strong cortisol rushes and clenching teeth but no depression on waking 

 

29/3

 

8.00am some derealisation and bit of nausea. Teeth and jaw very stiff from clenching 

9.00am take 2mg diazepamz have oat smoothie 

10.00am try and watch but unbearable chemical anxiety feeling of dread so have to turn it off

11.00am change the bed linen 

12.00pm feel major spike in depression 

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam. Just sitting on the floor trying not to think of anything praying the feeling will lessen

1.30pm starts to lift a little 

2.00pm have sandwich take 16mg sertraline 

3.00pm do a little internet shopping. It’s hard as get dread at looking at shops at thought of being in them but I persevere and buy a couple of items 

4.00pm have a cup of decaf tea and tell myself I am in control 

5,00pm speak to withdrawal friend have nice chat 

6,00pm speak fo mother in law nice chat. take 2mg diazepam 

6.30pm have stir fry dinner 

7.00pm nausea and hypersalivation starts And back starts to sizzle and burn strongly 

8.00pm major uptick in intrusive memories and chemical horror while trying to watch tv. Back is very painful. 
9.00pm stop watching tv as the levels are off the chats and a darkness has descended. Hot in bed

10.30pm-3.00am nightmares and waking extremely hot like I’m on fire have to take cover off me. Back is sizzling and I feel stomach churning dread 

3.00am-4.30am lay awake in this awful state of depression and high anxiety 

4.30am-7.00am in and out of toxic sleep and strong teeth clenching 
 

30/3

 

8.00am get up massive headache eyes will hardly open with fatigue and feel nauseated. Period very heavy. Depression has set in 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam and have Shower. The depression is still very strong. 
10.00am can’t focus for work. Just sit on floor trying to breathe. Have oat smoothie

11.30am have work call - don’t know how I do it when my stomach and chest are wrenching with depression and dread. Still feel so fatigued and head still banging 

12.30pm I start to cry. Intrusive memories are coming so thick and fast with a bolt of gut wrenching anxiety and depression. I don’t know how I am ever going to improve. I feel totally hopeless

1.00pm take 1.5mg diazepam can’t eat lunch no appetite so much mental anguish 

2.00pm take 16mg sertraline - same as earlier 

4.00pm have call with therapist and I cry on the call about how long I’ve been ill and how I’m scared for my future but feel stuck that I have held for 7 months and not stabilised. He encourages me that I will get better and I so want to believe it

5,00pm thoughts of death and anything dark is haunting me I can’t think of even my family members without getting this reaction. I cry again I just want to be me. I feel so depressed and still so fatigued 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam

6.30pm have dinner. Spikes of anxiety and dread and doom are coming through and my back is starting to hurt badly with the sizzling burning pain.

7.00pm lie on bed knees are starting to burn and I feel hot 

 

 

[Cathy4]

Shoot.  Looks like things are really rough.  Sending thoughts your way and hoping you are sleeping right now.  Talk soon.  HUG