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Erell

Erell: struggling with paroxetine

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Cathy4

Thinking of you, Erell.  
I hope this week is going well for you and that your sleep continues to be solid.  ❤️❤️❤️
Cathy

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sunnysideup69

Hope you r week has been a good one, @Erell x

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Erell

Hi dears

 

How Nice you are To keep on supporting me ! Thank you ❤

 

Well, week went Well!

-Less extreme tiredness, so i've been able To live a bit more on evenings 😄

- Still cognitive issues: I notice now that I'm working that I have a relatively bad short term memory, and I have made some errors in my work.  Hopefully, nothing too bad !

- Still this weird chemical anxiety, even if it is lower, I don't have any minute without it (except while i'm sleeping)

 

There is two voices in me this week :

 

- a sad one and anxious one : i'm now holding my dose since 4 months, and I think I'm stable or almost stable as there is no 'big swings' in my symptoms. I shouldnt be sad, but sometimes I am : I hoped that once stable I would Feel "normal" , symptom free, chemical anxiety free. And i'm not. 

 

- The other voice is more positive, grateful for being functionnal Again, and hopefull for more progress To come if I keep on holding for another few months.

 

Well I keep on resting as much as I can, doing selfcare as much as I can, and hoping for better days :)

 

Big hugs To all : believe it, it does get better ❤

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Gridley
43 minutes ago, Erell said:

I hoped that once stable I would Feel "normal" , symptom free, chemical anxiety free. And i'm not. 

Unfortunately, "stable" and WDnormal doesn't mean symptom-free but rather that they are tolerable and, as you said, no big swings.

 

I'm very happy that you're stable/almost stable and that you had a good week.  You're doing great!

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Erell

Hi Gridley 

Yes I know, that's why I'm sometimes sad about it ... ;)

 

But then I realise that weeks ago I was dreaming of being functionnal like today, and I Feel grateful for my current situation 😉

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Vegalia

Hi @Erell

 

I'm so happy to read you. 

 

I'm sure that all is not  easy, but you are so brave! You have great improvement. So nice! 

To work may be not always easy but in the same time so good to have a life a little much "normal".

 

I think on you every days. ❤️

 

Kisses. 

 

Vega. 

 

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MissyE
13 hours ago, Erell said:

The other voice is more positive, grateful for being functionnal Again, and hopefull for more progress To come if I keep on holding for another few months

This is your wisest self. 

 

You're doing well Erell you deserve to feel proud of yourself.  Take all the rest you need while you continue to heal and stabilise.

 

Irene Lyon is really helping with my anxiety: chemical and baseline.  Properly understanding what's going on with my nervous system and her simple orientation exercises really suit me well.  She has so many free resources... l can't speak highly enough about her.  Her helpful team respond to email queries really quickly too.  Girl crush!! 😘

Her link is on my thread and in non-drug coping techniques.

Have a good day my love.

Missy x

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MissyE

Errell, Irene's Canadian and her team are brilliant.  Email and ask if they can translate for you.

x

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mustafa

Hi @Erell

So happy you have some good days,

I think the best thing about your situation is that u now believe everything will get better, this itself is a great support❤️.

Hope next great days for u my dear 

Take care of yourself ❤️❤️.

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Erell

Thank you for all your kind supportive words ❤

 

Well just when I was saying I was feeling stable, here comes the change Again! ;)

 

Since last Sunday days are rougher :

 

- SI came back, very low mood

- anxiety is higher and ramp up during hard Spikes 

 

I almost ran from work To my flat today because of hard chemical anxiety coming out from nowhere!

 

It sounds like PMS but it is way too early for this, so I assume it must be a bad wave. Hoping it Will end soon because this wave brought a lot of doubts and SI.

 

Let's hope my friends ❤

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Sassenach

Hey you

 

4 minutes ago, Erell said:

It sounds like PMS but it is way too early for this

Are you sure. I seem to remember 20-25 of month was when the symptoms you describe started to emerge.

I know not very technical with 31 day months.

Just saying.

 

Sass

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Erell
1 minute ago, Sassenach said:

Hey you

 

Are you sure. I seem to remember 20-25 of month was when the symptoms you describe started to emerge.

I know not very technical with 31 day months.

Just saying.

You're right Sass, but it's only been 3 weeks since last periods while last cycles were 4 weeks and more.

But you're right, it is a possibility ! 

 

I'll be able To tell when it Will be over ;)

 

Reading my post it sounds very négative, and my days are really hard, but I actually also have good signs: sweet nights of quiet sleep and cortisol Spikes have utterly disappeared 😍

Slowly...;)

 

Anyway, thanks for stopping by here dear Sass 🤗

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Sassenach

You are still doing great, you got on the rollercoater, keep riding girl🤗

How are your family?

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Vegalia

Bonjour @Erell

 

Courage ! Mais tu n'en manques pas. 

 

Bisous

 

Vega. 

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Sleepan

Bonjour @Erell et @Vegalia.  Je vous suis.

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mustafa

Keep us informed how it goes erell❤️.

Sorry to hear u have bad symptomts but I was happy when I read that it may not be because of the withdrawals.

Very good you have signs that strengthen u .

Take care of yourself and don't panic if u are.

Mustafa.

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Cathy4

@Erell,

Hoping that the wave passes very quickly.  You are very brave and it is amazing you are back at work.  
HUG,

Cathy ❤️

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sunnysideup69

Hey @Erell,

Don't forget, work is tiring and that can cause spikes in WD. You'll settle again. You're doing great! And now it's the weekend :) 

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Rhiannon

Hello Erell! You're doing great. Remember, windows and waves, up and down is the normal course of recovery. It's perfectly normal to have bad spells sometimes. The progress overall is still forward and you are healing every day. Keep going!

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Erell

So warm To read your support ! Thank you ❤

 

On 1/23/2020 at 6:31 PM, Sassenach said:

You are still doing great, you got on the rollercoater, keep riding girl🤗

How are your family?

My family is doing Well 🤗

 

Merci @Vegalia pour ce courage partagé ❤

 

Rhiannon, Cathy, Mustafa and Sunny : thank you for reminding me that I'm still healing❤

 

I'm in a very unpleasant period of doubts and hopelessness, and I read some horror stories here about people who can't stabilise, or suffer hell while tapering slowly.

So I hang on your sweet words 🤗, and have take a small break from SA for a couple of days ;)

 

Big hugs To all!

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MissyE

Erell I'm thinking of you sweet lady.  Don't read any more horror stories. That feeds the negativity and anxiety.

 

Have you checked out Irene Lyon? She was born to help ease anxiety.  Promise. 

 

You are healing.  This is the WD rollercoaster and the joy of womanly hormonal cycles.  Work is tiring and you're doing it!  The cortisol spikes have stopped; remember how far you've come 

 

This too shall pass.

Love and peace

Missy x

 

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Vegalia

Hello @Erell

 

I don't read difficult stories anymore. ;)

 

However, hopelessness sometimes is normal. But it is just a thought. 

You have improvement, even if you seems to have waves and even if you may think that is is too long and not enough. 

 

And remember you don't have changed many times of drugs and you don't have made very fast taper. 

 

A break with forum is good I think, even if we miss you. Read only sweet words when you feel hopelessness. 

Maybe your periods are coming soon too. 

 

Take good care of yourself. It is the most important. 

 

Kisses. 

 

Vega

 

 

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Erell said:

I'm in a very unpleasant period of doubts and hopelessness, and I read some horror stories here about people who can't stabilise, or suffer hell while tapering slowly.

So I hang on your sweet words 🤗, and have take a small break from SA for a couple of days ;)

 

Big hugs To all!

Hugs to you, my lovely. And enjoy the break xxx And don't read the horror stories. I feel for those people, but I don't read them, nor people who keep insisting that they won't recover.

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sunnysideup69

Hey @Erell, how are you doing today? Sending hugs and good wishes xxx 

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Erell

Hi dears!

 

Well, as Sassenach predicted, periods came Yesterday evening...note To myself : always believe Sass ! 😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

God,  I love my periods !  😄

 

New gift today : some fever and throat in fire...it Feels like a real cold, I'll see how it Will go in the week.

Fortunately, I managed To go through my day of work!

 

I'm a bit scared about what a real cold could do To my symptoms, but I use mindfullness To ignore those scary thoughts ;)

 

 

Big hugs To all, so Nice To read your support ! ❤❤❤

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Cathy4
1 hour ago, Erell said:

😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

@Erell

I wanted to mention:  I have been on 500mg of the evening primrose oil for over a month now, and while I had a huge uptick in symptoms before my period in December, I had far less of a problem leading up to this current period.  
 

I have no idea if it’s the primrose oil that helped or if things are just naturally slowly improving, but perhaps it’s the oil(?!).  Anyhow, just wanted to let you know.  
 

Drink the vitamin c for your cold and take it as easy as you can. 
HUG,

Cathy

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Guilietta

Hello Erell,

 

I see you are also having some struggles and yes we are better served if we do not read tales of people who are having a bad time of WD particularly when we are having a bad or quasi-bad time. They can drive rumination - or  compassion .

 

As you say, staying in the moment helps - and knowing it is the way it is. I am still learning to accept this. That being said - reminding myself to have 'positive expectations' hekps.   You and we all (including those slow to improve or stabilize) will improve. I hope htis is hlepful.

 

Hugs

G.

 

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Rhiannon

Hello Erell, just wanted to stop by and say how pleased I am with your progress. I remember when you first came to this forum. It really wasn't very long ago. You are doing quite well, back to work, your healing is progressing well and I don't think it has been even six months yet!

 

Don't be discouraged, you are doing quite well. I think you will continue to improve in the usual way, with ups and downs but gradual and continual improvement. You have followed a very normal course of recovery so far and I think this will continue. Of course it is slower than we would like it to be, but the good news is that if you don't do anything crazy (like cold turkey or suddenly adding in new drugs) I am confident you will continue to improve and recover and eventually be able to taper smoothly with minimal symptoms.

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mustafa
On 1/28/2020 at 8:21 PM, Erell said:

Hi dears!

 

Well, as Sassenach predicted, periods came Yesterday evening...note To myself : always believe Sass ! 😅

And with my periods, some anxiety lowered and my mood is ok !

God,  I love my periods !  😄

 

New gift today : some fever and throat in fire...it Feels like a real cold, I'll see how it Will go in the week.

Fortunately, I managed To go through my day of work!

 

I'm a bit scared about what a real cold could do To my symptoms, but I use mindfullness To ignore those scary thoughts ;)

 

 

Big hugs To all, so Nice To read your support ! ❤❤❤

Very good you are assured, erell .

I hope your next days are very smooth and easy .

Good night for u 

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Erell
On 1/28/2020 at 8:49 PM, Cathy4 said:

 have no idea if it’s the primrose oil that helped or if things are just naturally slowly improving, but perhaps it’s the oil(?!).  

Hello dear Cathy,

Well I have To say that I can't tell either if it is helping me : i'm improving but PMS are still quite hard. At least it doesnt hurt us ;)

 

@mustafa, @Guilietta and @Rhiannon : thank you SO MUCH ❤

You've all been there To support me since I first posted on SA.

i'm not symptom free, but life is waaaaaaay easier now, and it is also thanks To you and the strenght you gave me !

Rhiannon, you've always gave me important and careful advices, thank you ! And I don't plan To do anything crazy, I only plan To keep on following your advices and take care of myself as the most important person in my life ;)

 

Big hugs ❤❤❤

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Guilietta
2 hours ago, Erell said:

but life is waaaaaaay easier now, and

 

Hello Erell,

 

Where did the 6 months go?  See what determination and discipline can do for us even though it can be hard - so we have others to remind us to keep plodding along around the next corner.

 

2 hours ago, Erell said:

the most important person in my life ;)

 

Yes. For sure.

 

Hugs

G.

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sunnysideup69

Have a good week, @Erell, you're doing great ! I haven't been on much this last week, swinging by to say hello xxx

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Armorall

Have a great week, Erell!

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Cathy4

Erell, 

Popping by to say I’m thinking of you and I hope things are going well.  Hug to you. ❤️
Cathy

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sunnysideup69

Hello again, @Erell, dropping in to say I'm thinking of you ❤️ 

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Erell

Hello dears,

 

Thank you very much for your support ❤

 

Quick update : I'm still holding my 10mg, I'm not symptom free but things are still improving, very gradually and slowly, but improving ;)

 

I still struggle with some chemical anxiety and restlessness, but intensity is so much lower ! ❤

I also don't have a 'normal' rythm as I keep on going To bed early and rest a lot, but I have To keep on taking care of myself  :)

 

I don't come here a lot : firstly because I feel like I'm a bit traumatised by the symptoms I have discovered this year. I think I'm gonna start a therapy, à behavorial and cognitive one. I have To move on ;)

Secondly because I'm still a lot triggered by all the sufferings I read here. So I need To protect myself. 

I know it is selfish, but I try To forgive myself, and To do the best I can.

 

I'm still thinking of you all, my heart is full of empathy and love for all dear survivors ❤

 

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