Ten0275: I'm Dave and if I am capable of healing, each of you are - Please hang in there.

[Leila]

Ehi @ten0275, what a tortuosos and hard has been your journey! I read your thread, you are an example of strenght and perseverance! Your writing ability touched me... I think you might write a book from this suffering adventure!

I wish you will live now the best life ever!

 

Your story led me to some questions; I ask you, then you can answer when you can or want without hurry!

About histamine intolerance... This a new world for me and I learnt many informations from you (and stole the suggestion of the book you post in another thread). For me the problem indicator is orticaria (that go worse in some moments like premestrual cycle or stress) and intestinal issues; it started when I took for the first time my drug (citalopram) and never left me. 

For healing it, I started with a low histamine diet (expecially avoid yeast helped me) and took vitamin C with low dose of quercetin. Had you got experience with this supplement? I read that you used also tart cherry syrup...Was it helpful? I'm considering also a dao supplement.

I'm also confused about the difference of histamine intolerance and mast cell hyperactivation... I think it's difficult understand the difference...

 

A last question about work. I read that you took a not paid leave from work (like me)... Did you come back when you felt better? And in that case, how you understand it was the right moment to come back? I'm scared that a come back to work can put more stress or destabilize again my SNC...

Sorry for this verbose post!

Again my congratulations to the person you are!

Leila

 

[ten0275]

13 hours ago, Barney said:

Way to go Dave keep up the good work    you are a inspiration  it hits home  barney

@Barney

 

I appreciate the kind words my friend.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

[ten0275]

1 hour ago, Leila said:

Ehi @ten0275, what a tortuosos and hard has been your journey! I read your thread, you are an example of strenght and perseverance! Your writing ability touched me... I think you might write a book from this suffering adventure!

I wish you will live now the best life ever!

 

Your story led me to some questions; I ask you, then you can answer when you can or want without hurry!

About histamine intolerance... This a new world for me and I learnt many informations from you (and stole the suggestion of the book you post in another thread). For me the problem indicator is orticaria (that go worse in some moments like premestrual cycle or stress) and intestinal issues; it started when I took for the first time my drug (citalopram) and never left me. 

For healing it, I started with a low histamine diet (expecially avoid yeast helped me) and took vitamin C with low dose of quercetin. Had you got experience with this supplement? I read that you used also tart cherry syrup...Was it helpful? I'm considering also a dao supplement.

I'm also confused about the difference of histamine intolerance and mast cell hyperactivation... I think it's difficult understand the difference...

 

A last question about work. I read that you took a not paid leave from work (like me)... Did you come back when you felt better? And in that case, how you understand it was the right moment to come back? I'm scared that a come back to work can put more stress or destabilize again my SNC...

Sorry for this verbose post!

Again my congratulations to the person you are!

Leila

 

@Leila

 

Thank you so much for the good wishes, I really appreciate that. It was indeed an adventure in suffering that I never thought I would take. I'm glad to be able to talk with others about it as they continue their healing journeys.

 

I'll post the answers to your question out in your thread.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

[FarmGirlWorks]

Congrats @ten0275... your strength, spirit, and gentle responses are inspirational.

[tsranga]

Hi @ten0275

 

 I had a question about emotional spirals.. do you still have them? How have you handled them? I had a bad one last night.

 

It usually starts with some trigger on a deep underlying belief (eg. Feeling like nobody cares, or not being occupied productively)..  and it can build up over a few days.

 

Someone presses a button with a comment saying you don't do anything.. or  it maybe a no interaction day after a weekend of wonderful social interaction..  

 

Once this starts, it can usually end with a explosion of anger, self deprecating statements, or feeling stuck and hopeless..

 

I haven't this in quite a few months.. 

 

It comes on full blast in the early morning accompanied by other physical issues, so you are stuck in a weird state of wakefulness where you are feeling everything, but still in some light or REM sleep. Almost always, having a bowel movement, and yoga helps calm the brain..My gut was also off yesterday, so it could also be a gut-brain interaction..

 

 

 

 

[ten0275]

9 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Congrats @ten0275... your strength, spirit, and gentle responses are inspirational.

@FarmGirlWorks

 

Thank you so much for the congratulations and kindness, it means a lot.

Dave

[Gardenlife]

@ten0275

 

Good morning! I feel kinda bad writing you cause I’m like, this dude is trying to move on!! But it I haven’t found many people on here that started on medicine as a child. My parents put me on Celexa when I was 14 and I stayed on it cause it just became routine. No one checked up after a while and the times I missed a pill or even got off of it, I felt awful so I stayed. And time past. Here I am at 37. Anyways, I am 21 days out and the last few days have really sucked. My days start with panic and shaking. I literally wake up like that. And I am stuck in my head all day long about my well being and how awful I feel and how my brain is damaged forever cause I got on it so young and I have been on it for so long. I feel like I am stuck in one long panic attack. Like I am in danger! Like I am freaking out basically. In my head because I have not let it get out or show it. 
Sorry I am writing so much! That kinda just happens when I feel like this. It flows! Feels good to talk about it. But I guess I am looking for someone to say, hey man, I have totally been there, worst time of my life. I thought I’d never feel like me again, but I did. I’d read your past but I’m kinda scared to! 

[ten0275]

1 hour ago, Gardenlife said:

@ten0275

 

Good morning! I feel kinda bad writing you cause I’m like, this dude is trying to move on!! But it I haven’t found many people on here that started on medicine as a child. My parents put me on Celexa when I was 14 and I stayed on it cause it just became routine. No one checked up after a while and the times I missed a pill or even got off of it, I felt awful so I stayed. And time past. Here I am at 37. Anyways, I am 21 days out and the last few days have really sucked. My days start with panic and shaking. I literally wake up like that. And I am stuck in my head all day long about my well being and how awful I feel and how my brain is damaged forever cause I got on it so young and I have been on it for so long. I feel like I am stuck in one long panic attack. Like I am in danger! Like I am freaking out basically. In my head because I have not let it get out or show it. 
Sorry I am writing so much! That kinda just happens when I feel like this. It flows! Feels good to talk about it. But I guess I am looking for someone to say, hey man, I have totally been there, worst time of my life. I thought I’d never feel like me again, but I did. I’d read your past but I’m kinda scared to! 

 

@Gardenlife

 

This dude HAS moved on (ha ha ha), but isn't troubled at all by talking about what I went through with others who are still dealing with withdrawal and the aftermath.

 

Sorry to hear you also were put on the medications at a young age. Amazing how some of us get on that train without our full consent and just keep riding it until the wheels start falling off.

 

I remember the days that began with panic and shaking - shaking like you are cold, but you're not. Just shaking. And I definitely felt that considering how long I'd been on the medications, 30 years, and the number of medications I was on, I must surely be more damaged than others. I had myself fairly convinced of that fact.

 

But the reality of healing reality-checked me on that. The fear you have - it's a healthy one! What you feel isn't in your head. That said, it is ok to fear while at the same time holding confidence that we have really amazing nervous systems with an immense capacity to heal. You'll get there man.

 

Totally been there. Worst time of my life. Taught me some of the greatest lessons of my life. Life is better now than ever.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

[Longroadhome]

@ten0275

Firstly thank you for continuing to support those of us still going through Wd. You are so positive, it’s uplifting to read your thread. 

I notice you mention you had dizziness/ floaty boat feeling . I have this 24/7 have done for close on 8 months . 
Was yours continuous  how long did you have it and did it just disappear? 
 

thank you 😊 

[MaryMoo429]

Thanks for this uplifting post I needed to hear something like this today to keep moving forward. I'm having a very tough time since coming off my last medication - Lexapro - in September. I feel like I'm living in constant hell and that there is no end is sight. I'm convinced something is seriously wrong with my heart and am going in for an EKG tomorrow. That along with getting my second COVID shot next Thursday is making my already unbearable anxiety and physical symptoms seem like I'm at my breaking point and am about to drop dead any second. I want to keep moving forward but I'm having a hard time trusting in this process and holding out hope.  

[ten0275]

2 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

@ten0275

Firstly thank you for continuing to support those of us still going through Wd. You are so positive, it’s uplifting to read your thread. 

I notice you mention you had dizziness/ floaty boat feeling . I have this 24/7 have done for close on 8 months . 
Was yours continuous  how long did you have it and did it just disappear? 
 

thank you 😊 

@Longroadhome

 

Thank you for the good words, I really appreciate that and am thankful that you feel some upliftment from the thread. That makes me really happy.

Ugh, I remember those days of 24/7 dizziness/floaty-boat (great description!) feeling. For me, mine was really dose-specific in retrospect. I think I had it most profoundly when I was between 7.5mg of Mirtazapine and around 3.75mg. I've never really been 100% sure for me if those sensations were part of my withdrawal, or part of the side-effects from the Mirtazapine at those particular doses.

But that was a symptom I was so grateful to have resolve. As just walking from my desk at work (when I was able to return to work) to the restroom and back was absolutely unsettling. I really despised that feeling. I always feared I would fall, but I never did.

I hope that symptom alleviates for you very soon. Thank you again for checking in.

Hang in there,

Dave

[Longroadhome]

4 hours ago, ten0275 said:

@Longroadhome

 

Thank you for the good words, I really appreciate that and am thankful that you feel some upliftment from the thread. That makes me really happy.

Ugh, I remember those days of 24/7 dizziness/floaty-boat (great description!) feeling. For me, mine was really dose-specific in retrospect. I think I had it most profoundly when I was between 7.5mg of Mirtazapine and around 3.75mg. I've never really been 100% sure for me if those sensations were part of my withdrawal, or part of the side-effects from the Mirtazapine at those particular doses.

But that was a symptom I was so grateful to have resolve. As just walking from my desk at work (when I was able to return to work) to the restroom and back was absolutely unsettling. I really despised that feeling. I always feared I would fall, but I never did.

I hope that symptom alleviates for you very soon. Thank you again for checking in.

Hang in there,

Dave

Thank you Dave for your reply  

You had this symptom for over a year then? 

Did you  have it when lying down too  ? 
 

It has to be my worst symptom. 
 

So grateful for your support . I know we all go through WD different but it’s so reassuring if someone has had the same symptom and it went away. 
 

 

[ten0275]

10 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Thank you Dave for your reply  

You had this symptom for over a year then? 

Did you  have it when lying down too  ? 
 

It has to be my worst symptom. 
 

So grateful for your support . I know we all go through WD different but it’s so reassuring if someone has had the same symptom and it went away. 
 

 

@Longroadhome

 

Oh yes, well over a year. And I did also have it while lying down when I was in the more intense periods of that symptom. It’s such an unnerving symptom because it just completely deranges any sense of equilibrium we typically would have. For me, that sense of monumental dizziness created a lot of anxiety which of course is the last thing we need as we are going through the process of healing. 
 

When it started dawning on me that I was no longer dizzy/boaty, oh what a joy overcame me. To have that sense of stability again on that level. It didn’t all disappear overnight, like most things in this process it gradually lightened like fog burning off in a new morning.

 

It is true, we all go through withdrawal different. Our drugs are different, the way they’ve affected our bodies and the symptoms they produce are different, but there are definitely commonalities. And the most important commonality is that regardless of where we start, what we suffer, and how we suffer it, we are all moving towards that same place of healing.

 

Hang in there my friend, 

 

Dave

[Longroadhome]

Thank you so much. I hope one day I can be the person reassuring others that one day WD will end. 
it must give you a great sense of satisfaction. 

[getofflex]

@Gardenlifea good friend of my husbands got on psych meds when he was 10, and he didn't get off until his 30's and 40's.  He is doing very well!  It can be done, but takes much time and patience.  Have you started an intro thread here?  Jennifer 

[Believer]

Dave,

Congratulations on your journey to success! Well done. Thank you for sharing your story with the rest of us and continuing to return and answer questions. I have been on this journey for about 5 years now and have recently had a set back. I am curious about your thoughts/discoveries regarding histamines. I have read that high stress can affect histamine levels and all of us have that just by going through this process. Have you made any dietary changes that you’ve found helpful? I know there is no magic wand to reduce symptoms but think there may be changes I can make in my diet that might be  related to histamines.  Apologies if you’ve already answered that question in past posts. 
Your thoughts and experience are very much appreciated.

Thank you for sticking around. I am not a big social media user (of any type) but I do check in on people here often. I find great comfort in your story and all other success stories. Thank you again for sharing.

[Believer]

1 hour ago, Believer said:

Dave,

Congratulations on your journey to success! Well done. Thank you for sharing your story with the rest of us and continuing to return and answer questions. I have been on this journey for about 5 years now and have recently had a set back. I am curious about your thoughts/discoveries regarding histamines. I have read that high stress can affect histamine levels and all of us have that just by going through this process. Have you made any dietary changes that you’ve found helpful? I know there is no magic wand to reduce symptoms but think there may be changes I can make in my diet that might be  related to histamines.  Apologies if you’ve already answered that question in past posts. 
Your thoughts and experience are very much appreciated.

Thank you for sticking around. I am not a big social media user (of any type) but I do check in on people here often. I find great comfort in your story and all other success stories. Thank you again for sharing.

Dave, I just read the thread about histamines that you have been sharing on. Good stuff!

[ten0275]

@Believer, hello.

 

Thank you so much for checking in and taking the time to read the success story. It means a lot.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your recent setback. I hope you can hang in there and things will come around for you soon. I'm glad you were able to find some of my other posts on the histamine issues. Both high levels of physical and emotional stress can definitely exacerbate histamine intolerance and broader mast cell issues. It's good to be able to mitigate those stressors as best as one can - not always easy, I know.

 

I'm not a social media user either. In fact forums are the only social media I partake in. I'm alright with that, though many of my cohorts look at me like I just stepped off a wagon in 1874 when I tell them that 🙂

 

Hang in there my friend,

 

Dave

[Barney]

Thanks Dave for the talk 

   It help me to look at others wd

   I know we heal in our own way

    But it is nice to talk to someone

      That's been there 

      I have a long way to go 

        I will get there one day at a time

          Stay safe talk later   barney.

[ten0275]

@Barney, hello.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read the post, and for the very kind words.

 

May your long way to go be not so long.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

[Jav1]

Hi @ten0275Congratulations on your recovery!  I am in mirt withdrawal, 3 months and counting.  The anxiety has subsided but I am left with burning sensation in my body and tinnitus (which appeared 10 weeks into withdrawal last Mar 2) and the latter is driving me insane! Did you get these symptoms at all?!  If so, please tell me it goes away. I really need all the encouragement I can get right now. Thanks.

[ten0275]

@JAV1

Thank you for the congratulatory note, very much appreciated!

 

Glad to hear that your anxiety symptoms have subsided, that's a really big deal and I am sure you are feeling great relief from that. I did experience both the burning sensation and tinnitus. I'll give you a brief description of how those went down for me during my withdrawal process.

 

Burning sensation: I was out of what I considered the "acute withdrawal phase" and was still tapering. I was standing in a grocery store and suddenly felt as if my leg had touched something extraordinarily hot. I was wearing shorts, but if I hadn't been I'd have been convinced my leg was on fire. I looked down and my leg was clear of any surface and most definitely not on fire. I think I even reached down and rubbed my hand down the side of my leg where I felt the burning radiating from. Nothing was burning. But it sure felt like it. I can't remember how long that symptom lasted for me, but it was certainly some months. It was not consistent. It would come and go. I only had it on my legs and arms.

 

Tinnitus: That happened earlier for me in the withdrawal process. It started with sort of a high-pitched consistent tone/whine and changed into a sort of muffled lower waaaaaaaaaaaaah sound. Those two pitches would change intermittently. Again, for me it wasn't a 24/7 thing but when it stuck around for awhile, it also sort of drove me nutty so totally get why it troubles you. It's like the faucet in the kitchen that drips... all... night... long. Except it's in your head! Hang in there!

 

Because the good news is that both of these symptoms DID resolve. They came with withdrawal, they went with withdrawal.

 

Dave

[tsranga]

@ten0275

 

How are you doing with your histamine issues?

 

Have you noticed abrupt temperature changes to bring on an episode?  Living in the bay area, even the difference between day and night time temp can be 30 deg or more, which seems to trigger a flare.

 

The second thing I notice is how clear, calm and alert I am at night before sleep,  and then being abruptly woken up between 12 and 3 with feet parasthesia/ feeling warm and cold alternatingly, gas, and bowel movements.. I also had feet parasthesia in the afternoon for the first time since Sept/Oct, along with increased tactile hypersensitivity (feeling my jeans, shirt, underwear, bedding, socks etc).

 

My stomach was doing great this morning. All I did was spend time sitting outside in the afternoon, had some stuffy sinuses for a bit - no indication of a build-up other than a bit of fight/flight response feeling warm when I came indoors along with the draft of air from the fan that I turned on for the first time since last summer.

 

I notice the season changes, DST time changes also trigger these fight/flight responses. They don't last very long these days - a couple of hours, but the temp fluctuations are the most challenging.  

[Trevor19]

Congratulations on your recovery Dave. Thank you for sharing your story with the community, it means a lot. 

 

I see from you signature you tapered from 1 mg to .05 mg for quite a long time, when you finally jump off to 0 what was it like? did you experience Sleep disturbance or any kind of discontinuation syndrome? if yes, for how long did it last.  Thanks 

 

[Happy2Heal]

On 1/10/2021 at 10:36 AM, ten0275 said:

Community of Healing, hello.

 

In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal.

 

Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here.

 

 

So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has.

 

I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been.

 

Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you.

 

I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of.

 

I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

 

beautifully written success story Dave, thanks so much for sharing it! 

 

 

I can relate to so much of your story; esp. the fear that I might have been on too many drugs for too long a period of time to be able to recover. I am grateful that I did not start on these terrible chemicals til I was 18~ I feel so bad for those who were put on these meds as children! 

but 43 yrs was still an awfully long time to be psych meds.  I hoped and prayed it was going to be possible for me to heal, and if willing it so was all that it took to heal, then gosh darn it, I would most definitely WILL IT into existence LOL 

 

but there was a tiny voice that would question if it was really going to happen. 

 

 

It's amazing what our bodies and minds are capable of, isn't it?

 

Congratulations Dave, well done!

and thank you for sticking around and continuing to give support and encouragement. Your inspirational writing is a delight to read. 

 

 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hello Dave. I am still tapering after a horrible reaction to a reinstatement. I had felt completely stable this past year with just a few hiccups here and there, but this last week I’ve been barely functional again. Don’t know if it’s wd or some sort of severe depression that is now going to plague me from here on out. I am at 7mg of Paxil now, and holding....just wanting to get stable at a low dose. How did you deal with your severe depression? Do you remember how long your depressive issues would last? We’re they all consuming? I’m not functional  now and I was just last week. I’m feeling defeated but reaching out to someone who has been here. 
 

thank you for your post it helped me so much. 

[Manu1982]

It's really beautiful that you have withdrawn completely Dave.

 

Tell us more about your experiences.

How did you taper and how long.

 

I am taking clozapine 25 mg. I want to quit it. It's been a year that i am taking it.

 

I will be very thankful for your reply

[ten0275]

@tsranga

Thanks for checking in. This is the histamine season for me for sure. I've been doing alright so far though. A little turbulence but nothing too intense. I've thought a lot about the connection between my approx. 20 years of Mirtazapine use/withdrawal and the sensitivity to histamine that I have today. I know that I didn't deal with even seasonal allergies prior to withdrawal. So I really do feel like there is a connection there. That said, I've been working more on coming to terms with it. Because I realize that I can't reverse any damage Mirtazapine may have done to the way my body deals with histamine. But I really do find that my lifestyle choices help a great deal. I'm squarely focused on what I can control right now and that does seem to be helping me. It's just a day at a time, I know it is always going to be. Hang in there, my friend.

 

SIDENOTE: I did get my Covid-19 vaccination. First dose was 4/5. It was Moderna. I am very sensitive to pretty much everything. I felt like someone had punched me in the arm for two days and I felt a bit spacey the day after the injection. beyond that, it was smooth sailing. Second dose is 5/3.

@Trevor19

Thanks for the check in, thanks for reading the story, that means a lot. I did take a long time in that last segment of my taper. I felt fairly stable, so I really wanted to give myself adequate time to adjust to the lower doses. I wasn't in any real rush. It was kind of a pain and expense to get the stuff compounded, but I just took my time. When I jumped, I did not have the sleep disturbance I expected to have. I had some small periods in the aftermath of cessation where sleep wasn't so good, but those periods were generally short-lived thankfully. Hang in there.

@Happy2Heal

I really need to thank you for sharing our similarities with me, and for the good words. 🙂 Actually brought tears to my eyes because absolutely - it is so amazing what our bodies and minds are capable of. It is astounding. And even though we may endure cycles of disbelief that we will actually heal, those doubts do not deter the work that our underlying physiologies undertake in that quest for homeostasis. The name belongs to you, my friend - but I too am Happy to Heal! 🌻

@Vonnegutjunky
I am really sorry you are going through the heavy depression. It has got to be hard to have been as stable for you were, for as long as you were, and now to face the intensity again. You have my full compassion for sure. I had a few periods in my own withdrawal experience of the same type of fluctuation - where things got tough again. I do have to say that my depression was the lesser of the two siblings for me. That is to say, my predominant issue was with anxiety. But I'd never felt depression like I felt in withdrawal. I was lucky that it didn't make me unable to function and it tended to come in that windows and waves pattern that many of us experience. Quite honestly, I had no magic. When depression was working me over - like in my darkest days - I'd wake and literally begin sobbing. And sometimes, I would cry most of the day. Other times I was too numb to cry. But in all cases, I just did the time. Like that's really what the whole withdrawal process felt like to me. A sentence. And what do people do while they are serving time? Some self-educate (was not possible for me). Some work their bodies (was not possible for me). Others just let the time pass. I honestly wish I had something more for you, but I just waited it out. I distracted as I could, but I basically just endured the suffering in whatever form in presented itself to me each day. The depression, like the anxiety, burned itself out as I healed. The depression feels strong. But I've zero doubt you are stronger.

Appreciate hearing from you all. Please take good care of yourselves, and each other, and hang in there,

Dave

[cathnz]

@ten0275 Wow, your story fills me with so much hope. I'm trying to stabilise from a Paxil cold switch to Mirtazapine almost 2 years ago. Terrified to now taper Mirt on an already destabilised cns. My aka is already bad enough. @Erellpointed me in the direction of your story. I'm so n pleased for you that you came out the other side. I often wonder how I ever will. Like you, I have both depression and anxiety but prob lean slightly more towards anxiety. Mine is at an all time high. Compounded by my mother's dementia. I don't know if I'm as strong as you to make it.

I'm so glad you're out the other side! 

[tsranga]

@ten0275 Thanks for the update. I had my second pfizer shot on 4/10.  I had some body pain and chills the following day and night.. nothing else.. so that's good. 

 

Overall, April has been my best month since last September, as I was able to sleep consistently without the early AM or late night flares.  Since the last 2-3 days I have been getting a lot of internal heat/reflux in the mornings, and also some early AM wake-ups with an active gut, which is a pattern that I had over the winter, so am a bit concerned.  I was able to handle a lot of foods that I had avoided without a reaction, but now I am wondering if I probably overdid it, and affected the gut flora negatively..  I had half a pita (gluten), 2 meals of chicken, a meal of 2 eggs over the last 2 weeks without reacting..   

 

Also, when I have been able to feel a flare-up come on, something that has helped is an ayurvedic supplement called histantin (https://www.keralaayurveda.store/histantin-tablets) .. it has helped me fall and stay asleep for 4-5 hours by calming the system..

 

I have also started increasing my exercise intensity with some resistance work on my legs, that appears to be helping my orthostatic intolerance.  I still have the odd HR spike and dips, but it hasn't bothered me.  The heat/cold fluctuations continue to be challenging especially when there  is a drastic drop/spike in diurnal temperature or due to ta warm or cold spell. 

 

[ten0275]

@cathnz

Thank you so much for checking in and for taking the time to read what I wrote. @Erell is a most excellent human, and I'm glad she steered you towards the thread. The fact that my journey fills you with some hope brings me a lot of happiness. I believe in your ability to taper that Mirt sensibly and come out of this victorious. You may find that as you continue to taper, the aka really levels off. I found that at the very low doses - after a sensible taper - the majority of my most trying symptoms had basically disappeared. I had a much easier go at the lower doses. But I did move quite slowly in my cuts. My gut feeling is that you are going to find relief as you continue to work your way down.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's dementia. Life is such a rough room anyway and when we're dealing with withdrawal, it's often like walking into that room with one - or both - hands tied behind our backs. Still, we have everything we need to heal out of the mess of withdrawal while hanging in there with the shots that life deals on us. You have my compassion for that situation with your mom - I'm sure it takes a lot of strength to muscle through that and be there.

I know you question whether you're strong enough to make it - trust that I did too. And there is absolutely nothing remarkable or unique about me. I just hung in there and took the pain when that was what was on the menu and enjoyed the periods of less pain when that was what was served until I found my way out of the maze and into the light. We really do sort of learn what we can endure in this process. We learn what we can endure and we learn how to become better decision makers, especially when conditions are stormy. Hang in there, my friend.

@tsranga

Great update from you as well. I'm glad the Pfizer shots had minimal fallout for you. I'm reading a lot of success in the way people with compromised nervous systems seem to be handling the Covid shots. That's such a great thing.

Really promising to hear that overall April has been a solid month for you despite the recent flareups. Which sort of stands to reason if you kind of dig that idea of the windows and waves pattern the way I do.

It does sound like maybe you over blew with the food indulgences but you know, sometimes I've taken a bit of fallout to live a little like that - especially when I've been able to tolerate things better. Try not to stress too intensely about any symptoms that you could be enduring - especially in terms of time-predictions. I always feared I was in for a long-haul of discomfort when the symptoms revved, but that was not always so. Sometimes the bouts of harder symptoms were short-lived. The heat/cold fluctuations still bother me from time to time as well. It was worse - much - in the winter months. It's a weird thing to have to roll with, but I do.

Over all though, it sounds like you really are finding some footholds - and the exercise is a real win. I hope the positive trajectory remains the dominant for you. Thanks for checking in, hang in there.

[cathnz]

22 minutes ago, ten0275 said:

@cathnz

Thank you so much for checking in and for taking the time to read what I wrote. @Erell is a most excellent human, and I'm glad she steered you towards the thread. The fact that my journey fills you with some hope brings me a lot of happiness. I believe in your ability to taper that Mirt sensibly and come out of this victorious. You may find that as you continue to taper, the aka really levels off. I found that at the very low doses - after a sensible taper - the majority of my most trying symptoms had basically disappeared. I had a much easier go at the lower doses. But I did move quite slowly in my cuts. My gut feeling is that you are going to find relief as you continue to work your way down.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's dementia. Life is such a rough room anyway and when we're dealing with withdrawal, it's often like walking into that room with one - or both - hands tied behind our backs. Still, we have everything we need to heal out of the mess of withdrawal while hanging in there with the shots that life deals on us. You have my compassion for that situation with your mom - I'm sure it takes a lot of strength to muscle through that and be there.

I know you question whether you're strong enough to make it - trust that I did too. And there is absolutely nothing remarkable or unique about me. I just hung in there and took the pain when that was what was on the menu and enjoyed the periods of less pain when that was what was served until I found my way out of the maze and into the light. We really do sort of learn what we can endure in this process. We learn what we can endure and we learn how to become better decision makers, especially when conditions are stormy. Hang in there, my friend.

@tsranga

Great update from you as well. I'm glad the Pfizer shots had minimal fallout for you. I'm reading a lot of success in the way people with compromised nervous systems seem to be handling the Covid shots. That's such a great thing.

Really promising to hear that overall April has been a solid month for you despite the recent flareups. Which sort of stands to reason if you kind of dig that idea of the windows and waves pattern the way I do.

It does sound like maybe you over blew with the food indulgences but you know, sometimes I've taken a bit of fallout to live a little like that - especially when I've been able to tolerate things better. Try not to stress too intensely about any symptoms that you could be enduring - especially in terms of time-predictions. I always feared I was in for a long-haul of discomfort when the symptoms revved, but that was not always so. Sometimes the bouts of harder symptoms were short-lived. The heat/cold fluctuations still bother me from time to time as well. It was worse - much - in the winter months. It's a weird thing to have to roll with, but I do.

Over all though, it sounds like you really are finding some footholds - and the exercise is a real win. I hope the positive trajectory remains the dominant for you. Thanks for checking in, hang in there.

@ten0275 you're amazing. Thank you for sticking around. 

[tsranga]

44 minutes ago, ten0275 said:

Over all though, it sounds like you really are finding some footholds - and the exercise is a real win. I hope the positive trajectory remains the dominant for you. Thanks for checking in, hang in there.

 

@ten0275 Thank you...   I needed it especially today when all of it is hitting me - anxiety, low mood, reflux, feeling hot/cold internally as well as on the skin, GI flare..   I think it's a combination of an upcoming storm which has brought a cold spell and full moon ... at least that's what I have to pin it on  

[wantrelief]

Thank you so much for being here @ten0275.  I learn so much from reading your compassionate thorough responses.  You are a gem. 🙏

[Erell]

Hello @ten0275

 

Hope spring is bringing you nice sunshine ☀️

 

I effectively suggested to cathnz to read your story because you are a real inspiration with your Mirtazapine taper.

 

It was also because it seems that you started to taper Mirtazapine while in Benzo withdrawal and feeling unstable. 

It's quite a dilemma to start a taper while already feeling awful.

Would you agree to explain us a bit more ?

 

If I understand well the timeframe, you started your Mirtazapine taper around 8 months after quiting benzo ?

How were you doing when you started the Mirt taper ? 

How did you balance between the will to taper and the fear of perhaps make things worse ?

 

It is interesting to read stories of people who tapered despite already being in WD.

 

Sending huge hugs your way, hoping this spring will give you a break with histamine issues ❤

Edited April 26, 2021 by Erell

[ten0275]

@Erell

 

Thank you for the kind message, it's good to hear from you 🙂 Spring is lovely. So far, I've been doing ok with the histamine-related issues. Those symptoms ebb and flow across the season as the different pollen stages evolve I find, I'm hoping for an alright year with low-level symptoms.

Yes, you present a really good question on the way I tapered. I did start my mirtazapine taper while in benzo withdrawal and feeling unstable. After I jumped from the benzos after a fairly rapid taper, the intrusive thoughts began. Having no clue what those were and fearing I was somehow a threat to myself or others, I decided to check myself into a psychiatric hospital. I did this two times - once in June 2012, and once in early July 2012. The psychiatric hospitals really don't like you to leave the place without some drugs in your system. I had been on mirtazapine before, so I decided that'd be an ok one to go on again. It seemed a better option than the antipsychotics they were trying to give me.

Because I was having intrusive thoughts and the hospital did not recognize these as a withdrawal symptom - nor did they accept withdrawal as a thing in general - they gave me high doses of the mirtazapine. I had asked to start at 15mg as that was the highest dose I'd ever been on prior (and I'd mainly been on 7.5mg in the prior use). But they started me there at 15mg for a day or two and when I noted that the intrusive thoughts were still present, they then bumped me up to 30mg. See they were trying to treat "OCD" - and intrusive thoughts aren't "harm OCD" in the traditional sense - that is to say, they don't evolve or arise from the same cause. Being more prone to anxiety than depression, that 30mg of mirtazapine was just way too much for my nervous system to handle. It really overblew my nervous system. I did somewhat acclimate to that dose after a couple months, but I never truly "stabilized" on it and I blame a large number of the earlier and harder symptoms I had on being on too high a dose of the mirtazapine upon leaving the hospital.

At a certain point, despite not being stabilized completely from the benzo withdrawal nor the high dose of mirtazapine, I did decide to start cutting the mirtazapine. I wasn't completely reckless in tapering, but it wasn't 10% per month for sure. Things began to improve for me quite a bit when I got down below 15mg. Around the 12mg mark was pretty decent. 7.5mg was a nice zone as well. A lot of the symptoms like restless legs, intense agitation, etc. started to fall away below 7.5mg.

Below 7.5mg, I'd run into periodic episodes where withdrawal of mirtazapine would catch up to me. I was cutting too fast for sure. And that's when I started doing my research and slowing things down. And it was really when I crossed over to liquid mirtazapine - after cutting the pills became untenable due to the small doses - that I began that really slow and methodical taper and was a presence here on this site.

I hope this timeline is making some sense. I had kept journals along the way in withdrawal. Unfortunately my very best journal was on a flash-drive with no backup and that flash-drive got corrupted and I lost all the data on it back in 2016. So sometimes I feel a bit disjointed when I give my timeline. This is pretty darn close to it though. And I guess the main crux of my path off of mirtazapine was getting to a dose where with my anxiety the way it was, I could actually stabilize. And being that mirtazapine sedates more at the lower doses, that was below 15mg for me. Tapering - and symptoms - became much, MUCH more manageable after I crossed that threshold where mirtazapine was no longer acting like an antidepressant and was acting more like an anxiolytic.

I hope some of this helps. Hang in there. ☀️🌻☮️❤️

Dave

Edited April 26, 2021 by ten0275