Cheeky: on Paxil for 23 years needing advice

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Hang in there.  You have done it before and have show yourself and the rest of new bees how it is done and that you  make it through every time💪 

I have eclectic sensations that run through my arms and legs.  Mostly my brain.  UGH 

 

I finally had a fairly good window yesterday evening.  I don't want the wave to come back 

So I will cheer you on.......... 

[Cheeky]

6 hours ago, Gridley said:

Cheeky,

 

Rosetta's advice is very good and I hope will reassure you.  These are typical wave withdrawal symptoms.  This can definitely happen as a result of accumulated drops.

It will pass, as all waves do.

Thanks @Gridley

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  Hang in there.  You have done it before and have show yourself and the rest of new bees how it is done and that you  make it through every time💪 

I have eclectic sensations that run through my arms and legs.  Mostly my brain.  UGH 

 

I finally had a fairly good window yesterday evening.  I don't want the wave to come back 

So I will cheer you on.......... 

That great to hear @Greatful, it’s such a wonderful feeling when your in a window, you feel like you could concur anything. This withdrawal is hard , it’s like giving someone a hug then hitting them in the face , up and down like I have split personalities. 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky You got that right.  I am trying to stay positive.  I am not feeling as good as last night.  Maybe we could just get knocked out for several months and wake up feeling so much better.  It is crazy how you can feel almost normal after days of pain.  Oh yea it's because our brains are healing🤪

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky You got that right.  I am trying to stay positive.  I am not feeling as good as last night.  Maybe we could just get knocked out for several months and wake up feeling so much better.  It is crazy how you can feel almost normal after days of pain.  Oh yea it's because our brains are healing🤪

Yeah this really is beyond belief, I’m happy you’ve had a window, I hope today brings me one 

[Cheeky]

update, have a great day  yesterday, felt like I was normal. Went to bed at 11.30pm and enjoyed having no anxiety and my body felt normal .

Got up this morning at 6am again, had to be a work by 7am and felt good so far. Hope today is going to be like yesterday.

[Cheeky]

Guys I’m really scared, today is awful, yesterday I was completely normal , I don’t understand how this happens . I’m starting to think that maybe because the Paxil is an activating drug, the less of Seraqul is making me feel the Paxil more. Because I feel like this I’m trying to work out why? I really hope this is a wave and will I stabilise? 

[Cheeky]

I spoke to my husband today to tell him I’m not feeling good and cried my eyes out. I feel so sorry for him as he doesn't know how to help and I’m sure his worried . I just pray to God I will get over this. I have all these thoughts running through my head like “ the pills have stoped working and I’m withdrawing from them while still on then”, “ I will have to live with this forever “ and many more. Has this happened to anybody else? 

[Greatful]

@CheekyIf you felt good yesterday you know it is a wave.   I have felt horrible in the morning and in the evening I felt better.  It is crazy how quickly things change.   Remember you made it through yesterday, you will make it through today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  Here is a hug🤗

 

I do feel sorry for our husbands, it has to be hard to watch someone the love in so much pain.

I know it is wearing on them to.   But a have to admit sometimes I am jealous and can carry on with a normal brain that thinks like it is suppose to.  I even get short with him when he will try to say things that will comfort me that come out wrong and I feel like he just doesn't understand the magnitude  of the pain physically and  emotional.   They can comfort us with holding us and reassuring us and standing by us.  We also need each other here on SA, we relate to the pain.  Know what it feels like when you want to jump out of your skin, deep dull pain of depression, sick to your stomach, aches and pains, mental confusion, ocd, intrusive thoughts, fear ect. and the worry that will I ever get better.

 

[Rusty1]

8 hours ago, Cheeky said:

I spoke to my husband today to tell him I’m not feeling good and cried my eyes out. I feel so sorry for him as he doesn't know how to help and I’m sure his worried . I just pray to God I will get over this. I have all these thoughts running through my head like “ the pills have stoped working and I’m withdrawing from them while still on then”, “ I will have to live with this forever “ and many more. Has this happened to anybody else? 

I dont have a great answer for this other than try as best you can to find a way to reach an inner calm or knowing that what you are going through is withdrawal. It wont get rid of the symptoms, but can help you emotionally deal with it better.

 

There is no sugarcoating it, what you are going through sucks and it wont go away soon. It sounds so rude to say just deal with it, because I was in your situation feeling lost and just wanting to cry and hope it would all go away, but I think a way to help get through it (at least for me) was to come to the full realization that this was my life now and I had to suck it up. There wasnt going to be a magical cure and no one could do anything to help me get through it besides provide emotional support. 

 

It is rough and a cold way of looking at it, but I felt it was honest with myself. It led me to focus on making smart decisions in all my life to aid my withdrawal. Slowly and fortunately my brain was able to dig out of that hole. Even though I thought I had a good grip on things at the time looking back I can see how unstable I really was. Keep trying to provide yourself the mental strength because you need to weather this storm and you will come out the other side feeling much better.

 

Sorry you are having a bad day (withdrawal in total). It will get better in the future. 🤗

[Cheeky]

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

@CheekyIf you felt good yesterday you know it is a wave.   I have felt horrible in the morning and in the evening I felt better.  It is crazy how quickly things change.   Remember you made it through yesterday, you will make it through today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  Here is a hug🤗

 

I do feel sorry for our husbands, it has to be hard to watch someone the love in so much pain.

I know it is wearing on them to.   But a have to admit sometimes I am jealous and can carry on with a normal brain that thinks like it is suppose to.  I even get short with him when he will try to say things that will comfort me that come out wrong and I feel like he just doesn't understand the magnitude  of the pain physically and  emotional.   They can comfort us with holding us and reassuring us and standing by us.  We also need each other here on SA, we relate to the pain.  Know what it feels like when you want to jump out of your skin, deep dull pain of depression, sick to your stomach, aches and pains, mental confusion, ocd, intrusive thoughts, fear ect. and the worry that will I ever get better.

 

I know right, our poor husbands if only they lived in our shoes for one of the bad days. I will appreciate windows when they come and in a weird way it makes you a stronger person. The crazy thing is if we were a drug addict we would get help and places to recover. Being like this makes people think we're weak and can't cope but in reality wer'e survivors of this time. I hope your doing good and recovering xx

[Cheeky]

4 hours ago, Rusty1 said:

eep trying to provide yourself the mental strength because you need to weather this storm and you will come out the other side feeling much better.

 

I will, I have two boys that are the love of my life. This will probably happen again and again in my journey off coming off these drugs, so yes I will just have to suck it up and wait for clarity. 

[Cheeky]

Last night went to sleep around 11pm

1.30am woke had a vape

3.30 woke had a vape

5.135 woke had a vape

6am woke with cortisol spike and doom and got out of bed.

7am coffee

see how the day go

[Greatful]

@CheekyHere's to a good day🤪

[Cheeky]

I really hope so, trying to get dinner organised this morning for tonight because I’m feeling semi okay now and I don’t know what later on brings. A friend and  I go walking regularly and she rang to go for a walk, I’ve distanced myself from her this week as I be been feeling bad. I talk to her when I’m in a window of normality. I now I should go for a walk but I’m  finding it hard to play normal. I’m happy we have lick down fir two week as it will give me time to recover “I HOPE”. 
Im a hairdresser that owns a hair salon with my husband in the City of Sydney. We’re in the middle of a move so it’s been extremely difficult, another reason I’ve been hit in this way. I dread going back to work as I will have to talk to people all day.  How are you going lovely 🥰 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Oh man I feel for you.  Having to talk all day.  When I was at my worst it felt like I couldn't keep up, my brain was slow, let alone think of things to say🤪

I have been avoiding people, friends.  What do you talk about when you are in the thick of feeling awful.  Do they really want to hear about what is going on with you all the time.  And it is hard to carry on a conversations when all you can think about is how awful you feel.

 

So most of my conversations are with my hubby and you guys on the forum.  Someday I will get a life that is not wrapped around WD.

[Cheeky]

26 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  Oh man I feel for you.  Having to talk all day.  When I was at my worst it felt like I couldn't keep up, my brain was slow, let alone think of things to say🤪

I have been avoiding people, friends.  What do you talk about when you are in the thick of feeling awful.  Do they really want to hear about what is going on with you all the time.  And it is hard to carry on a conversations when all you can think about is how awful you feel.

 

So most of my conversations are with my hubby and you guys on the forum.  Someday I will get a life that is not wrapped around WD.

It know right !!! Just had a sleep and feel better now might go for a walk and how I go. Have you been in this forum for long ?

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  I started posting in May 

[Cheeky]

Okay, so your quit new to this, how long have you been taking antidepressants for, your signature says you’ve only started taking them since February, if so your one lucky person, you will heal in no time. Me well that’s a different story, since this last drop I’m going to hold fir some time. I have a family to look after and need to be there for them. Hopefully one day soon they will recognise these problem we are having and can get the help we need. 

[Cheeky]

70% great today, had a sleep at around 9am and have woke up feeling good . Went for a walk with a friend got  work done and talked to friends on the phone . I had a couple of head pains today , kinda like pressure building up and a couple of a feeling of a rush go through my body that last on 10 minutes then went. So overall I’m 70% great . I just don’t want to go to bed beciuse I’m scared tomorrow will be different .  
 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Did you look at my thread?  I have been on antidepressants for over 20 years.  The signature they just wanted me to put that much.   I have a few bumps in the road.  I have tried to go off several times but ended up in WD.  Of course at the time we didn't know about WD.  I was in the hospital in 2014.  Last winter I ended up in a big mess trying to taper off Prozac.  Take a look

It is good you are having a better day.  This crazy revolving door we deal with.  It sure does feel good when you actually enjoy the day.❤️

 

[Cheeky]

I just read your whole thread and am so sorry you had to go through that🥲 this makes me so angry that this has happened to all of us. The good thing is we know WHY. I always think about the people that don’t know and end up thinking it’s them and not the drugs causing the problems. I here for you and your not alone in this . I hope you have support from family , mine don’t get it and thinks if I relax I will be okay . This is going to be a fight for our freedom off these drugs but we will do it 

[Cheeky]

okay update

10pm seraqul taken

10.30am sleep

12.30am wake vape

2.30 am wake vape

5.30 am wake vape

6am woke with aniexty and slight burning on arms

6.30 coffee vape

7am drove husband to work

8.30 aniexty and burning in arms and stiff neck

9am has a sleep for 49minutes

9.40 woke same feeling made myself get dressed to for for a walkj

10am 1 hour walk and felt better

11am feeling normal with relief 

this has been happening the last two days so hopefully I getting better but who knows???

[Cheeky]

10pm Seroquel

10.30am sleep

2.30amwake vape

4.30am wake vape

5am my dog got sick to have to get up and call the vet h.

6am feeling good

8.30am started to have burning skin in my arms , sensations in my mouth 

8.45am had a sleep 

9.30 woke with the same adrenal feelings. 
it’s been two weeks of feeling days we’re Im okay and times like this, I don’t want to get disheartened but I tend to think of the worst. 
Im wondering if I should go back on Nicotine patches so I don’t vape and so I can get out of this habit of waking up for it @Gridley @brassmonkey @ChessieCat

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Sounds like a fun way to start the day.  Mornings are the worst for me.

How is your dog?  My follows me around most of the time.  Loves to lay on the bed with me. 

You went from feeling good at 6am to feeling bad at 8:45.  The pendulum swings.

Yesterday and today I have been dizzy.  I feel like I have a bobblehead on my shoulders. 

 

Hope your day brightens up.  I will be crawling into the bed in about 3 hrs. 

[Cheeky]

1 minute ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  Sounds like a fun way to start the day.  Mornings are the worst for me.

How is your dog?  My follows me around most of the time.  Loves to lay on the bed with me. 

You went from feeling good at 6am to feeling bad at 8:45.  The pendulum swings.

Yesterday and today I have been dizzy.  I feel like I have a bobblehead on my shoulders. 

 

Hope your day brightens up.  I will be crawling into the bed in about 3 hrs. 

my dog is better now, I think maybe he choked in something, I was so worried, I love my dogs. I like the pendulum swings, that’s how it’s been going somedays . I hope your dizziness subsides. 

[Cheeky]

Everyone, I’m really struggling today and worried I’m not going to come of this. The aniexty is really bad and I’m scared that this is going to continue forever. I’m sorry just desperate for reassurance 

[Rosetta]

Cheeky,

 

These days of feeling hopeless are really tough.  They seem to come back over and over.  Sometimes they are easier than other times.  How are you feeling today?  Do you have the energy to do anything that might help?  A walk? An Espom salt bath?  Or magnesium oil on your legs perhaps? A long shower maybe.  
 

(((Cheeky))). Hang in there.

 

Rosetta
 

 

[Greatful]

  @Cheeky  I am so sorry you are feeling so awful.  I can relate to the feeling of panic and hopelessness.😞 

 

Never feel bad or apologies for asking for help and encouragement. You  need to express your pain.  We all need to feel like our pain is heard so we don't feel so alone.

All you have to do is make it through today, tomorrow will take care of it's self🌺

You will get through this.  

 

What is your mantra today.  I am strong, I am worthy, This is W/D and I am going to be okay.

Find a mantra that works for you,  focus on it and repeat, repeat 

🧡🤗

[Cheeky]

3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Cheeky,

 

These days of feeling hopeless are really tough.  They seem to come back over and over.  Sometimes they are easier than other times.  How are you feeling today?  Do you have the energy to do anything that might help?  A walk? An Espom salt bath?  Or magnesium oil on your legs perhaps? A long shower maybe.  
 

(((Cheeky))). Hang in there.

 

Rosetta
 

 

I Rosetta, yesterday was terrible but it lifted at around 3pm and in the evening I was good, went to bust my parents and did a zoom call with my friends. When I’m good I feel like I could do anything and I think it’s over then in a wave I’m in pure panic. I slept better last night , so that was a good thing. My Husband really doesn’t understand this , I resent that he dos’nt  want to look into this to find out more. If he was sick I would do research and educate myself so I could help him. I’ve tapered Belfort but this one has hit me hard, I’m praying to God that I will be okay

[Cheeky]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

  @Cheeky  I am so sorry you are feeling so awful.  I can relate to the feeling of panic and hopelessness.😞 

 

Never feel bad or apologies for asking for help and encouragement. You  need to express your pain.  We all need to feel like our pain is heard so we don't feel so alone.

All you have to do is make it through today, tomorrow will take care of it's self🌺

You will get through this.  

 

What is your mantra today.  I am strong, I am worthy, This is W/D and I am going to be okay.

Find a mantra that works for you,  focus on it and repeat, repeat 

🧡🤗

I will get through this, just hanging on to Hope I will stabilise and then I can taper more smaller. Are you waiting to stabilise on your current dose? 

[Rosetta]

I’m sorry your husband isn’t more understanding.  That must be hard.  Remember that we all understand completely.  You know it’s real.  You don’t need his validation.  It would be nice to have it, though, I’m sure. 

[Cheeky]

16 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I’m sorry your husband isn’t more understanding.  That must be hard.  Remember that we all understand completely.  You know it’s real.  You don’t need his validation.  It would be nice to have it, though, I’m sure. 

Yeah it would be nice. I think it’s incredible that your husband helps you. That must be so comforting. If we didn’t have children to look after that would be so less challenging. I don’t won’t them to see me like this, they deserve there mother back and they need me. I know this is a wave I’m in but when it’s bad , it’s like I change into this desperate human  trying to escape my feelings . Your on your road to recovery and have along way from when you first started on this forum. I follow you because you give me faith that we do heal, even though it’s a slow process.

Thankyou for your support, it gives me strength ❤️

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Wrap your arms around yourself, that's me giving you a big hug. 🤗.  Isn't it crazy how quickly the symptoms can change.  Hold on to that, knowing that it will let up. 

When you feel panicky are you able to go out for a walk?  I hate that feeling like you are losing it.

We are here for you♥️

[Cheeky]

Update 

10pm Seroquel 

10.30pmbed

1.30am woke vape

4am woke vape

7am woke with aniexty

8.30 went for a walk

Have a great day 100% normal felt so happy and didn’t won’t the day to end. So worried at night thinking what next day  would bring. 

[Cheeky]

okay so I though it was too good to be true, after having a great day yesterday.

the last 2 weeks have looked like this 

5th July  0 great

6th July 0 great

7th July 2 okay

8th July 0 great

9th July 4 bad and worried

10th July 2 okay

11th July 0 great

12th July 3 bad

13th July 0 great

14th July 3 bad

15 July 1 okay

16 July 1 okay

17th July 3 bad

18th July 0 great

19th July 2 okay

 

Is this normal, most mornings I wake with the aniexty and somedays it can vary during the day. 

I also stopped vaping and put a nicotine patch on because maybe I won't wake during the night because of it.

@brassmonkey @Gridley  @ChessieCat @Songbird