Freedom15: reinstated amitriptyline after CT by doctor

[Freedom15]

Up and down like a yo-yo at moment...

 

Stilll cant believe how strong the meds are at this insanly low dose.

 

It's always the same either the effects of meds, side effects or withdrawl.

 

Have had some windoes for few days so i am grateful for that.

 

Seeing another new doctor tomorrow so hopefully i will have this one more than 3 months.

 

My friend is coming with me and we ar ewriting a list to talk about.

 

One thing that has given me some peace is that after the Nice guidlines have been updated about the extremity of withdrawl from these meds no perfessional can tell me it's all

in my head and it's not been that bad..

 

Wishing every well on the journeys.

 

 

 

 

[SurreyGuy]

Hello Freedom15, I have been following your thread and admire your courage to get off that damn drug. I have a question for you: in your experience, did tapering gets easier or more difficult as you near 0mg?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I can’t believe on a how low dose you are and still not done ….. I admire your strength …. Hope u finally get of it and heal fast ….

[Freedom15]

Hi JesusSavemefromWD thanks for your message is still baffles me how low i have gone and how it still has such big hold on me at moment.

 

I am just doing what i believe is the right path to finally get off this stuff. It has taken all my strenttgh tho to get this far.

 

@SurreyGuy

 

The reduction for me has always stayed the same as in the symptoms are similar. What has changed is the amount it happens over the period of time it takes to become ready to reduce again. When i was at the higher does the medication effects,side effects and withdrawl where all mixed into one alot of the time where even after this recent reduction i am really starting to see the difference between stable and unstable more now. I have

only had one big major wave this reduction where as in 2014 when i was first off it the waves where just pounding me. I am still geting waves but they are alot less.

 

[Freedom15]

Seem to be in more waves than windows at the moment which is making life quite hard.

 

Paranoia and fear is off the wall.

 

All i can do is hold and wait for the symptoms to fade.

 

This has been a big reduction this time and only just over q month in. Hopefully over the next couple months it will get easier.

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

So i been trying to servive on 2-3 hours sleep anight at moment .

 

I am able to get to sleep but seem to be waking up from a single sleep cycle and then unable to get back to sleep.

 

Normally with a reduction my sleep pattern seems to get better after 3-4 weeks but seems to be lasting longer now.

 

Feeling quite fatiaged and rundown with it.

 

Still holding.

[Freedom15]

Finally starting to get a bit more sleep..

 

Maybe 5-6 hours now.

 

This reductions beenn the hardest i done so far.

 

Maybe it's because of the big percentages that are happening now.

 

[Freedom15]

About another 33-34 days till my next reduction again.

 

Talking to the doctor on friday to update her on the last reduction which was vary hard.

 

Sleeping is helping my overall well being now with moving my bed downstairs and to lounge.

 

Just really not looking forwards to the next reduction which is normal.

 

Have felt a bit more positive over the last week and this has ment i have got my cameras out again and started walking, photography again.

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

14 days till next reduction

 

which will be

 

1.25mg diluted in 1950ml water and 0.02mg taken out of the solution.

 

The 0.02mg is then added to further 2000ml water and..

 

Finally 0.02mg taken from that solution which is the final dose to be taken.

 

Dose is 0.000000000128mg unless anyone knows any different as i think thats what it works out to..

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

49 minutes ago, Freedom15 said:

Dose is 0.000000000128mg

 

Agree that this is correct. ✔️

 

My calculation:  0.000000000128205mg

[Freedom15]

Thanks ChessieCat..

 

Insane how it still has an effect both on and coming off it as well.

 

Just for today tho i will enjoy the couple weeks to reduction time again.

[Freedom15]

Started my next reduction tonight.

 

Going to try take it a day at a time..

 

 

[Freedom15]

10 days in and only physical stuff happening at the moment which is positive.

 

Sure the emotional stuff will come with time.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

13 hours ago, Freedom15 said:

Sure the emotional stuff will come with time.

 

I posted the following to another member the other day regarding how he is talking about his reduction:

 

His statement:

  

On 4/2/2022 at 5:31 AM, SurreyGuy said:

Too early to say how difficult this last reduction will be.

 

My response:

 

Instead of stating "how difficult" which infers that you are expecting the possibility that things might be hard, I think it would be better to say:

 

"Too early to say how this last reduction is affecting me."

 

The way you stated it has negativity attached to it.  This is an emotive response.

 

My rewording has a neutral tone.  This is a factual response.

 

It is very easy to get stuck in a pattern of "stinking thinking".

[Freedom15]

Preparing for my next reduction in about 10 days will be

 

0.625mg diluted in 1950ml water and 0.02mg taken out of the solution.

 

The 0.02mg is then added to further 2000ml water and..

 

Finally 0.02mg taken from that solution which is the final dose to be taken.

 

Dose is 0.000000000064mg

[Freedom15]

Tonight is my first day of this next reduction.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Today i have not been feeling so good.

 

I started feeling fearful and paranoid and having parkinsons type shaking.

 

It may sound stupid but it took me a while to remember i just reduced a week ago so it was from

this.

 

Its because its so real and consuimng when it happens and takes me a while to pull myself out it and remeber.

 

Have had a lot of physical pain and twicking its just the mental/emotional stuff that catchs me off guard.

[Freedom15]

It seems like i am flucturating daily from one day bad to one day not so bad..

 

It seems like the lower i get the more i can see the differences to whats happening and also remember how it was back in 2014 when first dropped off the meds.

 

This was what i remember that it was flucturing every day but it was so intense before where as today its slightly more managable.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Been in mess for quite few weeks since my last reduction.

 

Had police called out for wellfair check couple weeks ago.

 

Just living in lots symptoms of mental and physical stuff.

 

Cant believe how hard this is still at such low dose.

 

Just really finding daily life so hard right now.

 

 

[Freedom15]

So i have a question which i have been considering for a bit now.

 

I am not sure how to get from where i am to totally off the medication.

 

I have tapered and i am on a really low dose and unfortinatly the meds still seems to have quite a hold on me.

 

Every time i reduce i still get horrible withdawl.

 

I think i can realisticly do another reduction on the pill cutting then i will have to consider going off totally.

 

Should i alternate the days to come off as just stopping seems inpossible ?

 

I am also vary conserned and fearful of how the withdrawl will be with coming off as every time i have reduced its been horrible.

 

Any input would be appricated

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

So i have decided to carry on reducing even at this vary low dose due to the continued symptoms and withdrawl issues i am getting with the reductions..

 

I am using the syringe and re-adding water back into the syringe so as the current does is at 0.02ml in the syringe i am adding a futher 0.02ml of water.

 

this is creating a 50% reduction which

 

Then i am taking a small amoiunt each day almost like a water droplet.

 

Started this current reduction a couple days ago.

 

Been more physical then mental stuff at the moment in alot pain in my head and struggling to focus on life on lifes terms.

 

Just need to do basics at moment eating well, getting sleep and relaxing the best i can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

The pain has settled down alittle and i am feeling a bit better today so i will enjoy that.

 

Sleep is bit up and down.

 

Once i feel more stable i am going to do a double drop to see how my body copes with that as going totally off even at this small dose seems daughting at moment.

 

I know it is powered by fear from my past experiances just trying to build up faith that what ever will be will be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Finnishgirl]

I am rooting  for you so your last drops go as smooth as possible! ❤️ It is amazing how strong these poisons can be. But you will get through and thrive!

[Freedom15]

Thanks Finnishgirl wishing you well on your journey to..

 

[Freedom15]

Just had covid so looking to recover from that over next week or so then i will be dropping the meds again.

 

This time i am doing a double drop to test how the reduction affects me to get some idea of what a total drop would do..

 

Will update once i have done the drop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Najla]

You are brave I don't know why my story is never supported I feel sad and lonely

[Freedom15]

Started my reduction again tonight.

 

Because of the vary low dose i am on i have decided to do a double reduction to see how it is.

 

The reasoning is because i will be having to go fully to nothing vary soon and i am trying to see how i react to this amount reduction to try judge what it will be like gonig to

nothing from where i am at right now.

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

First few days has been hard.

 

Lots anxiousness, fear, paranoia, pacing.

 

Circular thinking.

 

Tremours and stuff.

 

Just taking it a day a t time.

 

Going for walks when it feels intense.

 

Trying to stay in hope and not get in the impending doom i am feeling of never getting well or off meds.

 

Already shows me coming off at this vary low dose is going to be ruff ride which is kinda not what thought after tapering so long and so low.

 

As i am not feeling so good trying to not take my thoughts so serious at moment.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Sleep is still all over the place so vary tired.

 

Emotions have been calming down from the first few days of the reduction.

 

Feeling more positive again about things and finding doing things easier again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Freedom15]

Had couple days of better sleep since this last reduction.

 

Its been tougher with this last double drop but feel like i am starting to come out it a bit now.

 

Will continue to hold for few more weeks and see where i am at then.

[SurreyGuy]

Looking good @Freedom15.

[Freedom15]

Reducing again tonight.

 

0.2ml in syringe then taken to 6.4ml with water.

Mixed in syringe then taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

 

Small amount taken each night.

 

Just so i remember where i am at.

 

 

[Freedom15]

Reducing again tonight.

 

0.2ml in syringe then taken to 6.4ml with water.

Mixed in syringe then taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

Mixed in syringe taken back to 1.6ml and water added up to 6.4ml again.

 

Small amount taken each night from syringe.

 

Just so i remember where i am at.

[Najla]

Freedom, I followed your whole story. It decreased very nicely, and I reached a dose that I almost never remember. Don't you think that you are afraid of jumping to zero! And this causes you a kind of double anxiety. I only ask because the human subconscious believes in what you actually believe after following you and reducing your medication. Despite this, I was in terrible symptoms, and I too, although I jumped from 10 gm to 0 in one day, and now I am completely free for ten months, but the symptoms It is almost close to your symptoms. I think you need to jump to zero. The symptoms will be the same for you, but it will be useful for you to discover. I do not speak English. I have to translate from Google. I hope my words arrive correctly.

[Freedom15]

Hi Najla,

 

Thanks for dropping by and posting.

 

Do you have any symptoms left after being off for ten months ?

 

I still have quite solid symptoms of being on and coming off.

 

So still on the slow and steady approach.

 

I will get to being meds free at some point soon when it fels right.

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Najla]

قبل 4 ساعات، قالت Freedom15:

مرحبا نجلاء،

 

شكرا على المرور والنشر.

 

هل لديك أي أعراض متبقية بعد إجازة لمدة عشرة أشهر؟

 

لا يزال لدي أعراض قوية جدا من الوجود والخروج.

 

لذلك لا يزال على النهج البطيء والثابت.

 

سأصبح خاليا من الأدوية في مرحلة ما قريبا عندما يكون ذلك صحيحا.

 

شكرا.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I have symptoms, and the menstrual period increases. The persistent symptoms are heart palpitations. I often feel like I'm having a heart attack or a heart attack. The pain goes back and forth in the legs. Two days ago, I started having pain in the heart and left hand. I noticed that the symptoms of the majority of people are psychological symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, fear, anger, etc. You found me with more physical symptoms, and there are some psychological symptoms, but the general weakness kills me. There is a question I hoped to find an answer from someone. When I talk or laugh, I feel tired, as if I have walked 10 kilos of running.. Has anyone ever felt that.. I am surprised what is the use of tapers if everyone is feeling hell, then what is the difference if I leave the treatment quickly or use the taper system!! Hell is one