☼ Junglechicken

[Junglechicken]

Hating my job :0(

 

First 1:1 with Manager didn't go well....apparently I was:

 

1) Rude to the new manager - who will be joining the team next week.  She wasn't helpful and making things worse for me.

2) I was panicking - we have had major deadlines to meet.

3) I wasn't taking sufficient notes.

 

I have a HUGE and very steep learning curve to deal with and my head feels numb as I am getting over a heavy cold.

 

Don't think I can do this.

[Junglechicken]

Still absolutely hate my job, manager micro-manages, I don't come up for air until I have worked flat out for 8 hrs and this is the norm there.

 

God I wish I hadn't got myself into this.

 

Plan to exit as soon as I can.

[scallywag]

Ugh! Some managers.   Wishing you strength as you "keep your nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel."

[Junglechicken]

Thanks Scally, I HAVE to make a go of this as we badly need the income.

 

I also have a deal with myself to succeed in holding a job down for at least a year.

 

Unfortunately, I could not have joined that team at a more stressful time, it's been brutal. No sooner has one major submission been made to the regulator, then we have another piece of reporting to start planning/doing which is due 2.5 weeks from now.

 

Have enjoyed cycling to work though, and it only takes 25mins mainly next to the River Thames. Cheaper and less frustrating than sitting in a car or a bus. Helps my mood. Also if time permits, then I walk for an hr lunchtime as well.

 

Health wise:

 

Last week I had a heavy cold, and now I have the remnants of it (slight cough).

 

Also have had random eczema/dermatitis outbreaks all over the place. On the subject of skin issues, I recently read that eczema is an auto-immune skin disease. This was only determined by the medical profession early 2015 apparently. Eczema is something I have had my whole life and comes from my mothers side of the family :0(

 

The odd boil which comes and goes.

 

Mentally - have been crying every day due to the stress. My health anxiety has been through the roof, and I haven't been sleeping very well as we are currently on camp beds until we buy a bed (it's so far been a month), and I am either too hot or too cold (the sleeping bag is good down to -15 degrees C).

 

Have also been snapping at people at work as the whole thing was unbearable on a daily basis.

[Junglechicken]

Hanging in there work wise.....every day is a mountain to climb. I feel as though I don't have the energy necessary to do this high-octane job....its just too stressful. I get that sinking feeling each time, not the buzz of getting to grips with various tasks. It all seems like a big chore not helped by anally retentive management. I am grateful for this forum, a place to come to where people "get it" when you tell them stuff.

 

My hubby is counting on me to bring in the dough (until he gets a job). I have relied on him heavily to support me through my struggles, so this is the least I can do to help us recover financially.

 

We had a low-ball offer on our house in Canada this morning and have countered, so I'll just keep praying that something comes of it and we get the price we are after.

 

Forgot to mention on here that when hubby and I met up with a childhood friend of mine back in August, she and I were having an in-depth discussion about our parents, and the mess they made of things financially. When I told her about my mother emotionally blackmailing me and demanding that my brother and I give them our inheritance for the rest of their lifetimes, she said that my mother is a narcissist. It never occurred to me once that she was this kind of person. I read up on it, and upon reflection of my life, realised that my friend had hit the nail on the head. My mother is a total narcissist. It explains my low self-esteem, and the fact that I have always been the target of bullies. It's for this reason I have kept my distance for several years now.

 

My MIL is also a narcissist, and quite badly so. I think this is why my hubby and I just get each other. Neither of us realised this about our mothers until last month. However, we have both been deeply affected by their behaviour.

 

Looking forward to the next SA Southwest UK meeting on Saturday.....wishing our meetings were more than once a month, lol.

[Junglechicken]

Thank you God!

 

We sold the house in Canada today :0)

[brassmonkey]

Excellent news.  that will take a lot of pressure off.

[Junglechicken]

Thank you Brass.

 

Yes it will, we have both had it in the back of our minds for months, and it's been costing us an absolute fortune to run (and it's unoccupied).

[scallywag]

Alberta and Calgary have been a tough market for sellers since the drop in petro prices. Congratulations!

[Junglechicken]

Thanks Scally, yes it's taken 6 months to sell with a 10% price drop.

 

Our previous realtor (got fired) as he had completely the wrong pricing strategy.

[manymoretodays]

Congrats Jungle......on the house sale!  That's celebratory for sure. 

 

So is Cipralex the same as Lexapro/escitalopram here in the States?  And you are maintaining at the 2.5mg. dose?  Still going with your Dr.'s recommend for all purposes of a in the future cold turkey?  I wouldn't recommend that at all........based on my own experience and the wisdom right here on this site.  Have you read Whittaker's book Anatomy of an Epidemic........if so.......what did you think of the book?

 

What does TOTM stand for?

 

I am having to go through achieving financial independence of my ex(relieving him of alimony responsibility eventually).......although not the same as a hubby by far........I can relate to the strain that that causes.......once again, though for me.........he was, my ex, really good at dependency.  I used to diagnose a lot too........as far as what you said about your mother.......the narcissism and all.  But, I pinned that label on my ex husband........I think out of anger perhaps.........not real sure...........he IS, I can see now.......struggling with some of the very same issues that I am at this time.  In my case.........woah........so much better that we ARE exe's.  Just stating that......not inferring that you go it alone..........for me, at that time of separation and subsequent divorce........it was survival..........whoosh, that was a tough time.........I know that G-D gets it and me and so many others who do make the choice to divorce.

 

   My Mom, thankfully, is very nice and kind........though not overly generous with funding for her adult children..........and has been a fine example of someone who gave so much for so long in my family of origin.  Going strong at nearly 89 she is!!!  I love my Mum.......I hope I have her genes for sure....... ..........I wish you had had the same kind of Mum. 

 

Anyway........congrats again.........selling that house hopefully will give you a bit of relief from W/D neuroemotions..........so nice when the outer stress lessens and when we regain the capacity for inner control as well or healing or something to that effect.

 

Roses from here on out........everyday!

 

Fondly,

 

manymoretodays

[Junglechicken]

Hi MMT,

 

Yes Cipralex is the same as Lexapro/escitalopram.  Its just the difference in Brand name around the world but is the same drug.

 

It actually made sense to me that my mother is narcissistic (sub-group: Elitist), because she almost always turns the conversation back to herself, always wants to appear wealthy to others (insists on living in big houses that they can't afford) and emotionally black-mailed me to give her/my father my inheritance until they died. 

 

If things don't go her way she becomes self-destructive.  This has been extremely painful for me to witness, and at her worst she became a complete Jekyll and hyde as she hit the bottle (she couldn't handle the fact that my father was in debt/spent all the money yet again), and so it got put onto my shoulders to resolve, as my brother was in Canada and effectively stayed out of things.  So much of a burden for me that it ruined my health and I have yet to recover.  My mother's attitude hasn't really changed, in that she doesn't want to discuss the financial stuff at all, views me as the enemy, and my father's mental state has deteriorated to the point that he cannot retain information any more (he has Parkinsonism).

 

Please note that it wasn't me who gave her that label, but an old friend, AND my cousin who pointed out her destructive behaviours.  My cousin reckoned she needed to see a p-doc, and my old friend remembered her always being harsh towards me, and NOT my brother (the "Golden child").

 

Am I right in understanding that you have re-married and so your ex-husband doesn't have to pay alimony anymore?

 

There is no doubt that money messes with people's lives.  My parents are irresponsible, and have always lived the high-life without a care in the world.  They are far removed from reality which is something I have had to deal with on their behalf.

 

The struggle I have is moving on from all this.  Its taken half of my life; maybe more; to deal with it, and is (at the moment) not something I have been able to put behind me.  I am constantly reminded of my family's failings/dysfunction.

 

Now that I am working, it is taking longer to heal with the stress levels.  I cannot divulge to anyone that I suffer from depression/anxiety.  Only when I pass probationary period will I feel that I MAY be able to say something.

 

Hugs MMT,

JC

 

PS: TOTM stands for 'Time of the Month', lol.  Its code I use when I talk to my hubby in public!

[AliG]

J.C.  I hope with the pressure off to a certain degree that you can start to look after yourself again and start to recoup some of the gains you were having before the stress of the house situation and stressful job took over.

 

Maybe , a refresher course in non - drug coping skills is in order.    Yoga, meditation, deep breathing and walking might help. 

Ali

[Junglechicken]

Hi Ali,

 

Yes, it has helped us somewhat as my hubby was having sleepless nights over it.

 

Good advice - will follow.

 

Hugs

JC

[Junglechicken]

Great!

 

Just had more negative feedback from my current Manager AND in front of the new Manager.

 

Apparently "Other new people she has had have all done better at me at this kind of thing".

 

How totally de-motivating.  She wants me to work faster, be more accurate etc., etc.,  Also, she has told me that we cannot always plan stuff either if we get a request from our regulator.  We basically have to work flat out until its done.

 

Everything with her is a test, and so she will ask me to tell her what the definition of something is, or repeat back to her a list of instructions.

 

Just can't work like this, nothing I do (it seems) will ever be good enough.

[AliG]

J.C.  The way I see it is you either have to become very " thick skinned " or " throw in the towel."  Up to you. You do have to think of your own mental well being though . Is it worth it ?  If you can make it work - then great !    If not -   then it's more precarious. Some serious thought is needed. What do you want ? It might take a little time to establish exactly what you are comfortable with.

I hope you can make it work.

Hugs,

Ali 

[Junglechicken]

Ali,

 

On top of those considerations are the fact that we need the money - NO PRESSURE! 

 

I just don't know how long my hubby will not be working.

 

Also, I am not sure how long the old manager will be on my case....all I know, is that I hate being pressured like that and having everything I do picked apart.

 

So far the old manager hasn't had a good thing to say about me, and I have been here a month.

 

New industry, new job, and over a year of having not been at work.

 

I am told things will get a whole lot worse, and that this is nothing.

[manymoretodays]

Hi MMT,

 

Yes Cipralex is the same as Lexapro/escitalopram.  Its just the difference in Brand name around the world but is the same drug.

 

It actually made sense to me that my mother is narcissistic (sub-group: Elitist), because she almost always turns the conversation back to herself, always wants to appear wealthy to others (insists on living in big houses that they can't afford) and emotionally black-mailed me to give her/my father my inheritance until they died. 

 

If things don't go her way she becomes self-destructive.  This has been extremely painful for me to witness, and at her worst she became a complete Jekyll and hyde as she hit the bottle (she couldn't handle the fact that my father was in debt/spent all the money yet again), and so it got put onto my shoulders to resolve, as my brother was in Canada and effectively stayed out of things.  So much of a burden for me that it ruined my health and I have yet to recover.  My mother's attitude hasn't really changed, in that she doesn't want to discuss the financial stuff at all, views me as the enemy, and my father's mental state has deteriorated to the point that he cannot retain information any more (he has Parkinsonism).

 

Please note that it wasn't me who gave her that label, but an old friend, AND my cousin who pointed out her destructive behaviours.  My cousin reckoned she needed to see a p-doc, and my old friend remembered her always being harsh towards me, and NOT my brother (the "Golden child").

 

Am I right in understanding that you have re-married and so your ex-husband doesn't have to pay alimony anymore?

 

There is no doubt that money messes with people's lives.  My parents are irresponsible, and have always lived the high-life without a care in the world.  They are far removed from reality which is something I have had to deal with on their behalf.

 

The struggle I have is moving on from all this.  Its taken half of my life; maybe more; to deal with it, and is (at the moment) not something I have been able to put behind me.  I am constantly reminded of my family's failings/dysfunction.

 

Now that I am working, it is taking longer to heal with the stress levels.  I cannot divulge to anyone that I suffer from depression/anxiety.  Only when I pass probationary period will I feel that I MAY be able to say something.

 

Hugs MMT,

JC

 

PS: TOTM stands for 'Time of the Month', lol.  Its code I use when I talk to my hubby in public!

 

Hi Jungle,

 

No........not remarried..........I am on my own as far as that goes, any legal matrimony, but a lovely network of friends and a very dear one of the opposite sex right now.   However, it does not pay in $$$$.     Sooo.......not on my own by any means.  Hoping that your dear hubs picks up some of the slack anyway as far as your domestic situation goes.........not so much financially but is a lovely homemaker or something to that effect, perhaps he is good at getting you to a meditative place of Zen ness.........just so that you can keep your outer stress(work) to those hours spent and then leave it behind for some portion of each day. 

 

The thing I have found about mothers'(well my Mum) that helps is that I can accept her fixed ness........meaning her people pleasing ways and judgements and sometimes just NOT seeing her own faults(she can seem kind of critical AND was really passive to my Dad's chaos way back when)............is that she never faltered in, if not always keeping us safe........well, in keeping us fed and warm and sheltered.  She did alot of worrying too.........maybe that's a form of prayer for some Mums.  She is nearing 89 now and I am honored to have her as my Mum.  I have been able to let on go of a lot of her influence, if you will.........on my inner being.........for the most part anyway.

 

And okay......TOTM.........got it.

 

You may be suffering more from W/D symptoms vs. depression/anxiety/panic.........that's just my guess after looking a bit more closely at your signature and 2010 to present.  Possibly exacerbated by all the moves and financially worries and caring for another perhaps sometimes more than caring for yourself.  It's a pattern I have had to be cautious with as well............  Difficult learning curve for most of us, it really is.........to do as much self care and love or at least a bit more than we are used to..........as we do for others.  I love my Epsom salt baths with candles and music sometimes, I actually hug trees too.......LOL..........Yoga, dancing about, lot's of stuff........got myself flowers and some prime chocolate last grocery run too...............

 

You are a trooper in any case.  Hang in there at work or make a needed change.........Lord knows it can be difficult to find a "supportive" work environment in this day and age.

 

Hugs,

 

mmt

[Junglechicken]

Thanks mmt,

 

In the depths of despair at the moment......not enjoying the work.  Very pressured and detailed with an unreasonable manager.  There has been no team meeting since I started a month ago (not good enough).

 

Nothing is explained properly, and the people who were already here are used to it/think its normal for this level of chaos.

 

To add to that I am really concerned about having thrush (front and back). I know that this can be related to "Poor Health".  Going to get it checked out by an MD.  Went the pessary route yesterday AND cream out of desperation.

 

Have got that DP/DR feeling again when really stressed out.  Also, lower abdominal pains coming back - from cycling 16k each day/stress???

 

Feeling under the microscope at work, which gives me a sense of extreme anxiety, that they don't trust my experience/capability.  Hit my limit regards being micro-managed yesterday when I became tearful in front of my "buddy".  Explained that I was tired, and that the manager doesn't have a positive thing to say about my work. 

 

Not in a good place

[Junglechicken]

My new manager has started bullying me.

 

This is a complete deal breaker for me given what I have been through already.

 

She isn't treating the other team members like this.  I think I have been singled out because I don't know the industry and am new etc.,  WD has slowed my mind, and I cannot process information like I used to.

 

For example I got told off this morning (in front of other people) for having taken a walk yesterday afternoon (at the time I was extremely upset about how I was being treated by both managers).  I walked for half an hour and hadn't taken lunch.  She then gave me the "core hours" spiel.  I pointed out to her that there are people on our team that take 15min smoke breaks throughout the day, and she had nothing to say to that.  She is micro-managing me but not the others.

 

I have received endless "shouty" emails from my old manager, and the existing team members can do no wrong.

 

My hubby has been trying to get me to make this work as we need the money, but he isn't in this situation and he doesn't have a job.

[manymoretodays]

Shoot JC!!!!  Life just keeps on getting more difficult, or so it seems.........to or for me as well.  I will be rooting for you........that the best outcome occurs that keeps you and hubs fed, clothed, sheltered and in a peaceful state.

 

I am, once again, feeling really on my own again and let down by so many.  Frightened.  I hope some deer or something show up today........

 

Sometimes all we can do is one foot in front of the other........I'm going to try a walk or maybe a swim.........hoping for some head clearing and peace of mind........maybe something meditative from here on the site..........

 

Kindness and comfort sent your way....

 

mmt

[Junglechicken]

MMT - which state do you live in?  Do you get bears/cougar where you live?  I think those would be more bearable than people these days, lol.

 

I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely.....its so horrible I know, but we have each other on this forum.

 

Wishing you comfort and joy and also giving you virtual hugs,

 

JC x

[DaddyCee]

Hi JC,

 

Your manager sound horrid!!!

 

I once had a manager like that.  She also made a scene in front of other members of staff and I pulled her to one side and asked what her problem with me was. She actually burst in to tears when I tackled her and she apologised for her behaviour.

 

Now I'm not saying that your manager would do the same, but have you tried to have a one to one with her to see why there is friction between you guys?  What's the worse that could happen? It may make things easier. 

 

It sounds like because you are the newbie, that she thinks she has the right to pick on you.  No member of staff should be subjected to that kind of behaviour.

 

Ultimately you may need to raise this with her line manager. It could be a conflict of personalities and for that situation there is really no easy resolution.

 

Alternatively, keep your head down, keep plodding and looking for something else in the background.

 

Sending you a virtual hug as well.

 

Take care.

DC.

[manymoretodays]

I live somewhere in the SW part of the USA......yes, bears in the human form have got to me........I can almost laugh at that so that's better.

 

Yup, thanks......for the comfort and that yah......I am never alone.  Betsey cat doing well and me boy got to go see Neil Young last night........spent some time yesterday with Angel Merlene, who helped me so much awhile back and understood............just listened to some of her stuff(could be seen as difficulties but she's a trooper).

 

mmt

[Junglechicken]

Thank you DC,

 

I really appreciate your support as this is a particularly painful experience for me (deja vu), only instead my previous Manager was a sociopath who sought to sabotage my work.

 

Tomorrow I will be meeting with my old manager to discuss their management "style".  I managed to piss off my new manager from the outset because my old manager had told her to "help" me get a task completed.  Instead of helping, she made my situation worse and just more pressured so I told her where to go (politely).  She won't let me forget it and instead has decided to target me.

 

I have warned my hubby that I am ready to walk out the door and will just do some temping if I have to in order that the bills get paid.

 

TC,

JC

[DaddyCee]

Hey JC.

 

You have to do what is best for you and your situation. You need to take care of your mental self as well as your physical self.  Everything will work out in the end, I'm sure of it.

 

Namaste,

DC.

[Junglechicken]

Currently just trying to stay sane in this insane/inhumane and horrible environment.

[Junglechicken]

Got a stonking headache and feel ill........this is what this level of stress is doing to me.

 

There aren't enough people to do the work, I do not have the luxury of taking my time to "learn" on the job as everything is reactive as we are under extremely tight time constraints.

 

Helps me coming on here to "vent" as there isn't anyone else.

[scallywag]

Dealing with a micro-managing harassment from one's immediate manager is stressful.  What is wrong with people that they think this behaviour actually results in improved performance from the person who is targetted?

[Junglechicken]

This is on my discussion "list" with the old manager tomorrow.

 

Their treatment of me is unacceptable/disrespectful, even though I am at a senior grade.

 

However, I am not getting given any slack whatsoever, and am expected to "come up with the goods" (and have the knowledge of someone who has been here 10yrs) and I have only been here a month, and am new to the industry etc etc.,

 

They are doing all the taking, and I am getting nothing back other than grief and ridiculously high expectations because they don't have the time to train me properly.

[Junglechicken]

Will be quitting my reasonably well paid high stress job tomorrow.

 

Cannot handle the stress at all. My hubby pointed out to me that I am reacting badly to assertive/forceful requests to do things, and that I am too sensitive and on the defensive. Can no longer handle a big workload.

 

Here marketh the end of my "career".

 

Time to do something I actually enjoy and be true to myself......the downside to all of this is that that puts a lot of pressure on my hubby to earn enough money.

[Junglechicken]

Thank you friends for all your support.......damn that was a horrible month   

 

Have never felt so unwelcome at a company.  

 

By that I mean they did zilch to help set me up for success; found fault with everything I did, when really they had not prepared in any way for someone they had recruited externally who needed help with getting to grips with areas of the business that I was responsible for.  

 

So once again I have joined the ranks of the unemployed.  Handed in my resignation this morning and was out of there by 3pm.

 

Deep breath....on Monday I will start looking for temp work as we need to have money coming in.  Whilst temping I will figure out my next move.

 

Hubby is putting his feelers out for work.

[Africa]

Hi JC

 

You've done so well and they don't deserve you. You have definitely done the right thing and something much more suitable will come along.

 

The environment you were in was making you ill and you would definitely not have been able to heal.

 

Huge hugs

 

Africa xx

[Junglechicken]

Thank you Africa for your comforting words.

 

Am trying not to feel like a complete failure over all this. I had a job that paid all the bills, now I don't.

 

Hubby constantly keeps reminding us that we are worse off financially than we were before we went to Canada.

 

My resilience shield was down so I just couldn't cope in that situation. You are right Africa, it was making me ill.

 

Big hugs,

JC xxx

[ChessieCat]

It sounds like you did the right thing.  Even though the financial side of things is difficult, the strain of your work on you probably would have put a strain on your marriage anyway.  At least you don't have to deal with the bad work situation any more.  And by staying you may have missed out on a job that is more suitable job for you.

 

I've seen jobs advertised that I feel like I would be absolutely suitable for, and once upon a time would have thrived in, but I'm older and wiser now and once I've thought about them I realised that I just couldn't be bothered having to put up with the stress of those jobs.  It's just not worth it.

[Junglechicken]

CC - wise words indeed.

 

In doing my previous job search, I failed to acknowledge/ be true to myself that I am just not resilient enough anymore to handle that kind of pressure.

 

Lesson Learnt: I am not the person I once was therefore have to look for something that is slow and steady like the recovery process from this illness.

 

My hubby is angry that we went through all those years of grief in Canada for nothing. We have returned to the UK worse off financially and have sold our house over there at a loss. The only saving grace we have is that the exchange rate works in our favour.

 

As far as our marriage goes there has certainly never been a dull moment.