Borealice: Never thought I'd be back here but here I am Zoloft, withdrawal symptoms from 5mg

[Borealice]

do the symptoms just vanish one day? How can I go on? 

[Borealice]

im having a hard time holding on today. I really want to take an ativan but restraining myself. I want to run out into traffic. I see no way out of this. I just want to die. i feel so bad for my family. 

[Borealice]

On 2/20/2024 at 10:19 AM, LotusRising said:

 

I wonder if either of these threads would help you with this:

 

Thank you. I feel so suicidal today. I wish I was stuck on different themes or a thought that seemed more irrational. But I'm just stuck on a thought that I thought somoene was stupid. and by forgetting that thought, I'm living a lie. I'm a fraud and a phony. I think I will wake up in 20 years and scream that I wasnt thinking about the same thought. This feels like the end of the road. Back when I had paxil withdrawal I thought a man was following me but that was ludicrous so that thought went away but this thought seems more founded in reason. I don't know. I just want it all to end. 

[Borealice]

1 minute ago, Borealice said:

Thank you. I feel so suicidal today. I wish I was stuck on different themes or a thought that seemed more irrational. But I'm just stuck on a thought that I thought somoene was stupid. and by forgetting that thought, I'm living a lie. I'm a fraud and a phony. I think I will wake up in 20 years and scream that I wasnt thinking about the same thought. This feels like the end of the road. Back when I had paxil withdrawal I thought a man was following me but that was ludicrous so that thought went away but this thought seems more founded in reason. I don't know. I just want it all to end. 

I've lost my ability to take care of myself, overeating, latching on to family and crossing boundairies. I'm a wreck and a mess. What if this black hole goes deeper and deeper and there'e no way out?

[Borealice]

I feel like writing out my suicide letter. 

[Borealice]

I want to kill myself. What do i do.

[Kaylaq]

Start screaming into a pillow,  don’t look at the big picture,  release the energy!!!  Here in Canada we have Crisis lines, for this moment… do you have that where you are?? 
take the Ativan!!! 
 

repeat out loud! This too shall pass, over and over!!!!  Redirect your thought energy!!! 

[withhopeinmyheart]

With every second that passes, don't. Breathe. Do. Not. Kill yourself. With everything you've got in you. 

[Borealice]

How do I get rid of this thought when I don’t want to forget. Forgetting this thought seems like a lie, I have to hold on to it forever. All I do is sleep to escape. 

[withhopeinmyheart]

Sleep is good! Try not to worry about the thought. Focus on anything else. Like breathing. Or whatever might be possible for you. Stay hydrated and eat, if you can. 

Understand that this is not you. 

I know, it is very hard. 

[Borealice]

13 minutes ago, withhopeinmyheart said:

Sleep is good! Try not to worry about the thought. Focus on anything else. Like breathing. Or whatever might be possible for you. Stay hydrated and eat, if you can. 

Understand that this is not you. 

I know, it is very hard. 

Will I eventually forget even if I don’t want to? I think i struggle with control. I want to think of the thoughts even when I’m not thinking of it. I want the thought to pop up every month. I sound crazy. I feel guilty if I don’t think of the thought. I’m so pathetic. 

[Borealice]

2 hours ago, Kaylaq said:

Start screaming into a pillow,  don’t look at the big picture,  release the energy!!!  Here in Canada we have Crisis lines, for this moment… do you have that where you are?? 
take the Ativan!!! 
 

repeat out loud! This too shall pass, over and over!!!!  Redirect your thought energy!!! 

I’m suffering,  every second is a nightmare 

[withhopeinmyheart]

28 minutes ago, Borealice said:

Will I eventually forget even if I don’t want to? I think i struggle with control. I want to think of the thoughts even when I’m not thinking of it. I want the thought to pop up every month. I sound crazy. I feel guilty if I don’t think of the thought. I’m so pathetic. 

Shhh, it's okay. Be as gentle as you can with yourself. I, too, struggle with control. But all that matters is that we let time pass. The thought then won't matter anymore. 

Don't beat yourself up, you're not crazy. Your nervous system is hurt. 

[Borealice]

12 minutes ago, withhopeinmyheart said:

Shhh, it's okay. Be as gentle as you can with yourself. I, too, struggle with control. But all that matters is that we let time pass. The thought then won't matter anymore. 

Don't beat yourself up, you're not crazy. Your nervous system is hurt. 

😭 you’re making me tear up. Thank you. I’ve been reading all these Reddit suicide forums. I feel so guilty for being here in this position again. Life wasn’t a walk in the park before this because of my ocd and social anxiety . It almost makes me feel like it’s not worth it to keep going. That I have the choice now to end it. and deciding not to end it is to go into the void. I know I’m not thinking straight but this is so difficult. I’m bawling now. 

[KaiLee]

If it seems possible, try accepting the thought rather than making efforts to get rid of it.

Talk to your thoughts, and say "I understand". 
Give it a small place where it can stay for a while.

Only if it seems possible...

But when time comes, I believe it will disappear on its own.

 

[KaiLee]

But I guess it's just my case that it worked, and I cannot really understand how tough your symptoms truly are...

But I felt better when someone said something for me to comfort my feelings, and I hope this does to you.

[Borealice]

3 minutes ago, KaiLee said:

But I guess it's just my case that it worked, and I cannot really understand how tough your symptoms truly are...

But I felt better when someone said something for me to comfort my feelings, and I hope this does to you.

Thank you Kailee. I have anxiety and ocd so these things are very hard for me. I feel traumatized. I hope you are doing well. 

[Emonda]

I'm sorry to hear you are doing it tough at the moment, Borealice. How you are feeling now is temporary. Things will improve.

 

I strongly encourage you to reach out to family and/or trusted friends at this time and talk face-to-face with someone.

 

If family and friends are not an option, please reach out to a crisis line. Members here are very happy to try and help, but sometimes local support is required, too.

 

At a time that you feel able, please update your drug signature so we can all see what medication you have restarted at a glance. Once we see this, we will be better placed to offer support.

 

Keep fighting

[Gonzo]

There is hope, everything will get better, this is all temporary, you have our support and understanding, you're seen and your suffering acknowledged. Hang on there.

[Borealice]

I feel traumatized. I keep bringing the thought I called someone stupid back even though my brain is trying to forget, because I’m used to thinking about it. 

[Borealice]

I just made small talk with a coworker and I dont know what I was saying, I just wanted to rush through so I could go back to my thoughts. It probably came off very rudely. I have to a conference iwth this person and I have so many work events and responsibilities coming up. I'm having a panick attack. I don't see myself getting better from this thought. Not thinking about this thought seems like a sham. Do I need to move to a different country and do hard labor to forcefully submit myself into forgetting this thought and then scream 20 years later when the thought returns. and those 20 years were a sham? I love my family so much. I don't want to hurt them. They are fighting for me tooth and nail. What do I do. I have OCD and anxiety and this happening to me is like a death sentence. Its like cancer relapsing and spreading and I can't control it any longer. I'm freaking out. Please help . Oh gosh. I am so scared for my life. 

[Borealice]

I feel like crying at work right now. im sorry I keep spamming these threads. I'm so scared. I've just run away into a room and hyperventilating. I'm going to leave the office at lunchtime. I'm crying. 

[Gonzo]

This is unsolicited advice. Psychiatric diagnoses are not real explanations, they have a lot of issues and cause a lot of problems. If you want to have a deep healing you need to overcome all the psychiatric indoctrination, its a toxic and meaningless meaning framework, very nihilistic, hopelessness. I also have an OCD diagnosis and it can be extremely harmful and misleading. I wish I never received it.

[KaiLee]

I have anxiety and ocd too, so I can relate somehow... I've had them for as long as I can remember.

But actually, it has been these days that I've first started to learn how to deal with the mental symptoms I've had for my whole life.

For me, I had to stop doing everything and stay at home.

And while being at home, I was able to learn how to deal with the symptoms, the re-occuring past traumas and the worst memories.

I had to confront my thoughts and feelings, I had to confront my parents with my honest feelings because they've been the one who gave me such traumas since my childhood.

Now they're very supportive for me, and I believe they're helping me in the best way they could.

Meanwhile, I've bought myself a projector, a massage chair, and an inflatable bath tub, and I stay in the room most of the time watching movies.

I've also got speakers, a sketchbook and color pencils. I just paint colors and draw circles while listening to some calming music.

I know your situation might be different from mine, but by reading some of your posts, I felt that you're in a position where you have to keep yourself up, even in such a tough situation.

If you can, could you let things go for a while, such as work? So then you can focus on yourself, your feelings, your thoughts...

You seem like you've been through a lot already, and I also understand how these symptoms can make a person feel so vulnerable that it feels impossible to do anything about it.

I also know how much difference could be made when one can take care of oneself without any other concerns...

It just seemed to me that being at work was giving you such a hard time.

😢

 

[KaiLee]

How are things going?

[Borealice]

I’m in so much pain…this withdrawal seems different. It’s hard. 

[Borealice]

How do you deal with all the philosophical questions that arise because of withdrawal? I’m neurotic and anxious to begin with. 

[Kaylaq]

@Borealice I hear you, I see you! 💪😊. I try writing down the philosophical stuff, and then let it go, …try not to get caught up in ruminations! Then distractions, distractions! 
 

so sorry you are going through this, 💪💪🙏🙏🙏

[Borealice]

1 hour ago, Kaylaq said:

@Borealice I hear you, I see you! 💪😊. I try writing down the philosophical stuff, and then let it go, …try not to get caught up in ruminations! Then distractions, distractions! 
 

so sorry you are going through this, 💪💪🙏🙏🙏

Thanks Kayla. I hope it’s my nervous system and not me that won’t let these thoughts go. I’m suffering real bad. Strength to you too 

[KaiLee]

It's been a while... How are you doing?

[Borealice]

I stopped my medication in November and reinstated in Dec. So its going on 3 ish months of withdrawal. I'm honestly freaking terrified why I I still feel horrible and unable to silence intrusive thoughts. This is my fourth withdrawal experience and each withdrawal experience is different and that is terrifying. I'm scared I won't be able to overcome this. I am so exhausted. 

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, Borealice said:

I'm honestly freaking terrified why I I still feel horrible and unable to silence intrusive thoughts.

I totally understand you. I'm finishing fourth month and still get "life or death" intensity intrusive thoughts that traumatize and shock me when I realize they're still capable of shaking me this badly. Please try to calm down. This is what you feel in the moment, just like a healthy person may have a day with new lover that makes a mood incredibly euphoric one day and next day learn about their lover's death which turns their mood into nightmare, we experience very violent shifts. Especially the bad times feel like they never end, like they never improve. Remember, there's always something you can do. You won't die, you won't get worse and you will be back on the right track no matter what. To help this, focus on stopping rumminations now, find some distraction and maybe use some anxiety coping method. With this you can never go wrong. There are many people sharing your pain and we relate to your thoughts. A change is good, means you are healing. You don't have to fight all the time, sometimes it's good to just lie down, close eyes and try to forget about all this. Wish you lots of relief!

[Borealice]

25 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I totally understand you. I'm finishing fourth month and still get "life or death" intensity intrusive thoughts that traumatize and shock me when I realize they're still capable of shaking me this badly. Please try to calm down. This is what you feel in the moment, just like a healthy person may have a day with new lover that makes a mood incredibly euphoric one day and next day learn about their lover's death which turns their mood into nightmare, we experience very violent shifts. Especially the bad times feel like they never end, like they never improve. Remember, there's always something you can do. You won't die, you won't get worse and you will be back on the right track no matter what. To help this, focus on stopping rumminations now, find some distraction and maybe use some anxiety coping method. With this you can never go wrong. There are many people sharing your pain and we relate to your thoughts. A change is good, means you are healing. You don't have to fight all the time, sometimes it's good to just lie down, close eyes and try to forget about all this. Wish you lots of relief!

Thank you, I've been reading over your posts, I relate so much. I just dont know if this is still withdrawal or something else? Could it be that prozac is contributing, its a new medication for me. Why is this withdrawal different, the intrusive thoughts were not to this extent. I'm stretched thin at work and I want this all to be over. This is so cruel. I'm a strong person but even this is just rotting me away. I feel so bad for my family. was i really made to bear this much pain. its inhumane. 

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, Borealice said:

Thank you, I've been reading over your posts, I relate so much. I just dont know if this is still withdrawal or something else? Could it be that prozac is contributing, its a new medication for me. Why is this withdrawal different, the intrusive thoughts were not to this extent. I'm stretched thin at work and I want this all to be over. This is so cruel. I'm a strong person but even this is just rotting me away. I feel so bad for my family. was i really made to bear this much pain. its inhumane. 

Unless there are some other factors, you can probably assume it's withdrawal. You can ask mods to double check your symptoms, but if all that could cause them is meds, if you did nothing else and see yourself in the Glenmullen's checklist, windows and waves cycles, then it's hard to mistake it with something else. If new med is contributing, you may wanna consider reading about kindling. The withdrawal might be different because it's never really stable, that's exactly why there are symtpoms in the first place. Oversensetized nervous system can do pretty much anything to us. Intrusive thoughts may indicate some past trauma, something you may not have gone through yet during your previous recoveries, but is now knocking to your mind with confusing signals from withdrawal. It's also worth checking if something worsens your condition. More stress? Less sleep? Physical activity? Rumminations? Kindling from new med may actually do that, if you're experiencing adverse reaction it may not be for you (or at least not now), so take a closer look at when it started getting worse. Inhuman is a word I use often too when thinking about what I'm going through. Definitelly reletable, some moments I ask myself the same questions, but always remember to look at it rationally: find a solution and carefully decide what to do with your meds and doses. As for your reaction, prioritize taking care of yourself. Your body is fighting with symptoms and it's best not to take everything at once. Don't think about your family, talk to them. By worrying about this you only go through stressful "whatifs" with no positive result. This is not a good time for deterministic, far reaching thinking, take your mind off of it for a while, work on calming yourself down and trust that you'll go through this. Mood can change very rapidly, you'll find best strategy when you regain your composure and counter negative thoughts with less emotionally reactive mind. There's always help here available whenever you need it, you don't have to carry it all alone.

[Borealice]

37 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Unless there are some other factors, you can probably assume it's withdrawal. You can ask mods to double check your symptoms, but if all that could cause them is meds, if you did nothing else and see yourself in the Glenmullen's checklist, windows and waves cycles, then it's hard to mistake it with something else. If new med is contributing, you may wanna consider reading about kindling. The withdrawal might be different because it's never really stable, that's exactly why there are symtpoms in the first place. Oversensetized nervous system can do pretty much anything to us. Intrusive thoughts may indicate some past trauma, something you may not have gone through yet during your previous recoveries, but is now knocking to your mind with confusing signals from withdrawal. It's also worth checking if something worsens your condition. More stress? Less sleep? Physical activity? Rumminations? Kindling from new med may actually do that, if you're experiencing adverse reaction it may not be for you (or at least not now), so take a closer look at when it started getting worse. Inhuman is a word I use often too when thinking about what I'm going through. Definitelly reletable, some moments I ask myself the same questions, but always remember to look at it rationally: find a solution and carefully decide what to do with your meds and doses. As for your reaction, prioritize taking care of yourself. Your body is fighting with symptoms and it's best not to take everything at once. Don't think about your family, talk to them. By worrying about this you only go through stressful "whatifs" with no positive result. This is not a good time for deterministic, far reaching thinking, take your mind off of it for a while, work on calming yourself down and trust that you'll go through this. Mood can change very rapidly, you'll find best strategy when you regain your composure and counter negative thoughts with less emotionally reactive mind. There's always help here available whenever you need it, you don't have to carry it all alone.

Thank you 🙏 Who knew I'd be going through this again, I barely survived the other times. 

Thanks for the checklist. I definetly was going through the flu like bodyaches last week and I couldn't move. This is seriously so distressing. And the waiting seems unbearable. thanks for your support, hope you're finding moments of rest also. 

[Borealice]

i hope this is a wave. morale is falling. my whole body aches and I'm being attacked mentally. even seeing family is not helping. I want to cry.