Borealice: Never thought I'd be back here but here I am Zoloft, withdrawal symptoms from 5mg

[BaccatePlayer]

On 4/12/2024 at 7:07 PM, Borealice said:

i hope this is a wave. morale is falling. my whole body aches and I'm being attacked mentally. even seeing family is not helping. I want to cry.

Anytime you feel worse, more prone to feeling worse or weaker in tolerance to stressors, you can call it a wave. The good thing about this is any symptom will eventually go away. If not completely then at least for some time. Low serotonin can cause general pain. These phases seem unbearable, but they never lasted more than 2-3 hours for me. Crying spells is a symptom as well and if you feel aloof around your family this may be something in the DP/DR spectrum. Give it some time, maybe take a nap if you can. Have someone listen to your problems for a while and then let them engage you somehow. Avoid thinking too much now, especially about some complicated topics, just trust that working on your internal panic and disidentifying with your negative thoughts will make it more manageable in following hours. You're not alone!

[Kaylaq]

So sorry 😣 the mental attacks are the worse! 💪💪💪💕💕

[Borealice]

5 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Anytime you feel worse, more prone to feeling worse or weaker in tolerance to stressors, you can call it a wave. The good thing about this is any symptom will eventually go away. If not completely then at least for some time. Low serotonin can cause general pain. These phases seem unbearable, but they never lasted more than 2-3 hours for me. Crying spells is a symptom as well and if you feel aloof around your family this may be something in the DP/DR spectrum. Give it some time, maybe take a nap if you can. Have someone listen to your problems for a while and then let them engage you somehow. Avoid thinking too much now, especially about some complicated topics, just trust that working on your internal panic and disidentifying with your negative thoughts will make it more manageable in following hours. You're not alone!

Thank you, I’m just so exhausted. And from the outside no one would understand, because all I do is sleep and rest. It doesn’t seem fair, I didn’t think I would go through this again. How are you holding up? 

[Borealice]

1 hour ago, Kaylaq said:

So sorry 😣 the mental attacks are the worse! 💪💪💪💕💕

Thank you Kayla. Yes I think worse than the physical. Hope you’re doing well. 

[Kaylaq]

Thank you for asking. For me it is up & down. I never knew who I am from one part of the day to another part!  My obsessive thoughts still control a big part of my life! 

the ability to make decisions for even the simplest things is still hard! Anyways, mostly hanging in there, trying to ride out the mood swings. 🤪🤪 

[Borealice]

53 minutes ago, Kaylaq said:

Thank you for asking. For me it is up & down. I never knew who I am from one part of the day to another part!  My obsessive thoughts still control a big part of my life! 

the ability to make decisions for even the simplest things is still hard! Anyways, mostly hanging in there, trying to ride out the mood swings. 🤪🤪 

I know what you mean 😫. Hope you have a better week! 💪

[BaccatePlayer]

5 hours ago, Borealice said:

Thank you, I’m just so exhausted. And from the outside no one would understand, because all I do is sleep and rest. It doesn’t seem fair, I didn’t think I would go through this again. How are you holding up? 

You're going through a lot, it is expected to be exhausted. I totally get that others around don't understand it, I'm barely having enough strength to believe that I won't go crazy and yet my mom asks what will I do if they die and how will I be getting money... For real? She should be the one to ease doubts like that voiced by me, not me who is often one trigger away from panic explaining to her something that's been around for long time and she didn't pick it up before... Anyways, I'm holding up atraciously. I was quite sure this time a wave will be weak enough for me to handle it without breaking down. The whole weekend was some brain damage like feeling, huge brain fog, depersonalization, my eyesight was malfunctioning (not vision issues, but more like interpreting the image or adjusting the focus, distance) and head gripped in some odd way. Insomnia didn't help either. I was insisting that I accept it internally, that I don't fear it and I survived like that up to sunday afternoon until I got some wierd attack inside. For 2 or 3 hours I was in some neurological suffering, hard to call it pain, but the burden was so heavy I felt like some total destruction was happening inside me. Phantom limbo falling as well (it's like brain thinking you're dropping from your body failing to register the body didn't go any lower) and it reached the intensity of January waves. Maybe I didn't snap under it more than anyone else would, but I couldn't bear it and it lasted so long, not even sleeping or panic first aid helped (fast enough), so today I woke up traumatized and my body failing to feel secure again which is probably why it doesn't recover in the first place. Sorry for ranting, I was completely not ready for maximum intensity waves, my family was busy with guests the whole weekend, I felt aloof at church, my friend was sleeping and the mods here probably left me after they saw me providing support to others and knowing all the coping believing they won't help me more than that. Dealing with typical anxiety symptoms is not the same as such "full system operations". I'm tired too. The mind during waves won't produce positive thoughts or moods, let alone after what I went through. Stay strong.

[KaiLee]

I feel your pain, @BaccatePlayer. 
Please don't feel sorry about expressing your pain and frustration. 

[KaiLee]

Perhaps you were trying too hard to help others.

I think you have helped a lot already, so maybe now you could just let it go for a while and whine about your pain until you feel better. 

 

[Kaylaq]

@BaccatePlayer we are here to hear your suffering also! Rant away 🤪🤪 💪💪 

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, KaiLee said:

I feel your pain, @BaccatePlayer. 
Please don't feel sorry about expressing your pain and frustration. 

Thanks, I was telling everyone including Borealice that the key to teach our mind to stop going into fight or flight response unneccessarly is to fully accept the symptoms and don't get frustrated at them. Yet here, even me turned out to be broken by a panic attack. I hope we all learn from each other's setbacks.

1 hour ago, KaiLee said:

Perhaps you were trying too hard to help others.

I think you have helped a lot already, so maybe now you could just let it go for a while and whine about your pain until you feel better. 

Supporting others is a good idea, I probably just tried to carry it all by myself too much. During a wave we can handle much less than normally (and we already handle very little), so this is also a reminder to all of us, Borealice too: be gentle with yourself during windows, so your wave doesn't turn into bigger nightmare than it has to and postpone any challenges when you're in a wave.

1 hour ago, Kaylaq said:

@BaccatePlayer we are here to hear your suffering also! Rant away 🤪🤪 💪💪 

Thank you! I desperately tried to avoid snaping because it's very hard to bounce back from it. I did so much to keep myself in shape but critical moment was so unbearable that it took over my perspective and now I feel like I was in another dimension and have to rebuilt motivation from zero or even negative value. Not sure if that's what everyone faces, do the three of you here or just me, but basically there's always a point (day two in my case) when a wave is so wierd, painful or burdening that I break down into doubts, despair, desperation and symptoms keep persisting to the point where it recreates the trauma. Next days of a wave are like a hangover from it and I'm rumminating so much about it, wondering how could I prevent it, how I was so trapped, why it's this bad even after so many months and even though I know I shouldn't it simply replaces my thinking. Worst is, I have to literally "fake" everything I do externally. Afterall, if a wave still persists, it doesn't care that I snapped under so much, it's still underway and has to deal with additional panic. Add bad weather and parents guilt-tripping me and I wonder who would even stay fully composed during such time. I hope I didn't scare Borealice.

[Borealice]

15 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

You're going through a lot, it is expected to be exhausted. I totally get that others around don't understand it, I'm barely having enough strength to believe that I won't go crazy and yet my mom asks what will I do if they die and how will I be getting money... For real? She should be the one to ease doubts like that voiced by me, not me who is often one trigger away from panic explaining to her something that's been around for long time and she didn't pick it up before... Anyways, I'm holding up atraciously. I was quite sure this time a wave will be weak enough for me to handle it without breaking down. The whole weekend was some brain damage like feeling, huge brain fog, depersonalization, my eyesight was malfunctioning (not vision issues, but more like interpreting the image or adjusting the focus, distance) and head gripped in some odd way. Insomnia didn't help either. I was insisting that I accept it internally, that I don't fear it and I survived like that up to sunday afternoon until I got some wierd attack inside. For 2 or 3 hours I was in some neurological suffering, hard to call it pain, but the burden was so heavy I felt like some total destruction was happening inside me. Phantom limbo falling as well (it's like brain thinking you're dropping from your body failing to register the body didn't go any lower) and it reached the intensity of January waves. Maybe I didn't snap under it more than anyone else would, but I couldn't bear it and it lasted so long, not even sleeping or panic first aid helped (fast enough), so today I woke up traumatized and my body failing to feel secure again which is probably why it doesn't recover in the first place. Sorry for ranting, I was completely not ready for maximum intensity waves, my family was busy with guests the whole weekend, I felt aloof at church, my friend was sleeping and the mods here probably left me after they saw me providing support to others and knowing all the coping believing they won't help me more than that. Dealing with typical anxiety symptoms is not the same as such "full system operations". I'm tired too. The mind during waves won't produce positive thoughts or moods, let alone after what I went through. Stay strong.

I’m sorry it’s been so rough. Like Kai said please vent. Thanks for always being so supportive on here, keep fighting 💪

[Borealice]

I think I’m in another wave. So hard to just be. How much longer? 

[KaiLee]

I am sorry that you're in wave.

I know it hurts, but it will end.

Until then, please take care.

☺️

[Borealice]

23 hours ago, KaiLee said:

I am sorry that you're in wave.

I know it hurts, but it will end.

Until then, please take care.

☺️

Thanks Kai, you too 💪