pug Your miracle is coming, hang on!

[Repent]

On 6/14/2019 at 12:33 AM, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

You have described it pretty much as I experienced it:  Overwhelming terror coming out of nowhere, for no reason, washing over me with paralyzing intensity.  All I could do was cope as best as I could and wait it out as it would eventually get a little better.  It was a terribly troubling symptom but one that I have not had for a long time now as I healed enough for it to go away for good.  It will happen for you too; just keep moving forward toward your goal of recovery and things will get better.

 

Healing thoughts,

 

pug

 

Oh, thank you so much for responding pug! I do have a follow-up on that one tho,

 

When you did have this organic fear, how did you cope with it when you were at work or when you were hanging out with friends..? I mean, i cant just lay down on the floor at work, staring at the ceiling for an hour or more. Or in the street when out with a friend or something. For me it can last from 1-5 hours at a time, and can come from anything between 2-5 times a week. Its been a long time since youd have it now.. so i understand if the memory of it is blurry.. but maybe ou still have some coping-skills to offer 

 

 

[Ewa]

Hello Pug

thank you so much for your uplifting story I read it almost every day it helps me to believe that I will recover. I also had mania when I stopped CT Cymbalta 60mg 

can you please tell me how long your mania lasted and how severe it was.

 Thank you so much and I’m very happy for your recovery 

Ewa

[Liamb123456]

On 6/7/2019 at 1:02 PM, Nsr99 said:

Hi

I have a success story to tell. But, I figure it is better to start a new thread, rather than overwhelm Pug’s thread. I am new to this site.

 

I will start the new thread in the near future as soon as I finish from an issue at hand. 

 

In summary, I was on SSRI (cipralex) for 6 years. I went off of SSRI now for 3 years and 3 months.   It was tough, very painful, but worth it. I am much much better. I can enjoy things again.

 

My success story is almost (90%) similar to that of Pug’s.  

 

When I have the time, I will revisit and post more.

Can  you post  your story please 

[TurkeyCold]

I just wanted to express my infinite gratitude, pug, since the initial post gave (and gives: hopefully not so often anymore) me a lot of hope in my darkest hours. You're a wonderful being.

 

Take care!

C.

[Melissa5000]

Hello Pug, thank you very much for your 4,5 year update! I read and reread it over and over again. It gives some hope and perspective!

 

I am a little bit better now compared to a year ago but I am far from stable. And I have so much to taper! I hope I can find a way to get off safely by a slow taper. But I fear I will be a mess again as soon as I restart my taper. I wished I was done tapering like you! I will be years and years to taper. 

 

[Melissa5000]

On 6/14/2019 at 12:48 AM, pug said:

 

 

Nerve pain; much better than a year ago or even 6 months ago.  It still troubles me on occasion, enough to wake me up at night briefly, but typically it is milder and something that does not affect me except as a distraction.

 

 

 

I have a question: Can you describe your nervepain a little more? Do you only suffer the nervepain at night? Or also in the daytime? And where in your body you feel nervepain? On the skin or deeper? What bodyparts are affected?

[pug]

On 6/14/2019 at 2:17 PM, hussy said:

pug your story is a big hope for us.

 

i just wanted to know your improvements of sexual symptoms. my worst symptoms are ED and low libido/ did these improve for you?

 

Hello,

 

Yes they have improved a great deal; not perfect but much better.  When we are suffering with symptoms it seems as if there is not chance that things will improve and we are stuck forever in the experience, dealing with the challenges.  But for me, as I healed the sexual symptoms have healed as well and continue to improve ever so slowly.  And as I have continued to heal, my ability to accept and deal with sexual symptoms when they occur has also improved, and that is probably more of a benefit.  I can just accept and let go of the challenge because my mind is stronger and I can see that this is just a temporary thing and will be better the next time that I try.

 

Don’t give up, improvements could be just around the corner for you!

 

pug

[pug]

On 6/15/2019 at 3:49 AM, siwoue said:

 

Oh, thank you so much for responding pug! I do have a follow-up on that one tho,

 

When you did have this organic fear, how did you cope with it when you were at work or when you were hanging out with friends..? I mean, i cant just lay down on the floor at work, staring at the ceiling for an hour or more. Or in the street when out with a friend or something. For me it can last from 1-5 hours at a time, and can come from anything between 2-5 times a week. Its been a long time since youd have it now.. so i understand if the memory of it is blurry.. but maybe ou still have some coping-skills to offer 

 

 

 

 

Hello,

 

At the time everyone knew I was sick; I could not hide that fact and I had shared with my boss and co-workers that I was not feeling well.  I did not tell them why I was feeling poorly, but explained some basic symptoms that they could understand and could be associated with other illnesses, like fatigue, unexplained pain, poor sleep, headaches, etc.  I had also filed for FMLA and was seeing different doctors like an acupuncturist and naturopath, so my supervisor and co-workers knew I was trying to get help.

 

So when I would have bouts of organic fear come over me and overwhelm me, I would tell them, “Wow, I really have a bad headache, or My stomach is really hurting me right now”, and that would give me an excuse that would cover me and also one that they could understand.

 

If you can set yourself up with these type of strategies then you can have a tool ready to use when trouble hits and and you need to take a break or do something else until the symptom is less overwhelming.

 

I hope this helps.

 

pug

On 6/17/2019 at 2:40 PM, Ewa said:

Hello Pug

thank you so much for your uplifting story I read it almost every day it helps me to believe that I will recover. I also had mania when I stopped CT Cymbalta 60mg 

can you please tell me how long your mania lasted and how severe it was.

 Thank you so much and I’m very happy for your recovery 

Ewa

 

Hello,

 

I can’t quite remember how long the mania lasted exactly (so many symptoms where happening all at the same time), but it was severe enough that I could not eat, sit still, sleep, or think clearly.  I lost 15 pounds in a couple of weeks and crashed hard.  It continued in varying degrees for months that turned into a couple of years and then faded very slowly. 

 

It will get better for you; just keep going and improvements will happen!

 

pug

[pug]

On 6/19/2019 at 4:29 PM, TurkeyCold said:

I just wanted to express my infinite gratitude, pug, since the initial post gave (and gives: hopefully not so often anymore) me a lot of hope in my darkest hours. You're a wonderful being.

 

Take care!

C.

 

Hello,

 

You are welcome.  To suffer as we all have, with many still suffering, is truly inhumane and unfair.  But, I hope that my experience can serve as an example that we can heal and return to a good and happy life if we can just keep going, not quit, and hold on to hope.

 

Life will be sweet for you one day soon, so please keep going!

 

pug

[pug]

On 6/25/2019 at 4:54 AM, Melissa5000 said:

 

I have a question: Can you describe your nervepain a little more? Do you only suffer the nervepain at night? Or also in the daytime? And where in your body you feel nervepain? On the skin or deeper? What bodyparts are affected?

 

Hello,

 

Your taper and effort to get off of the AD is very courageous and you should feel proud of your efforts so far; it is a challenge, but I know that you can do it.  It really is no different than our lives in general; we never really know what is going to happen in the future, and things could be much easier or better than we are anticipating.  We just need to not extend ourselves too far into the future, but stay as much as possible in the present moment and let the future take care of itself.  Take care of what you can right now, care for yourself, learn coping skills, take refuge in whatever gives you hope and comfort; these things will allow you to keep moving forward.

 

Nerve pain for me is usually a sharp, burning, hot sensation that comes on and affects certain areas of my body.  I have had it pretty much everywhere, but most recently it has been in my shoulders and teeth.  I know it is nerve pain because I can be sitting and doing nothing in particular and it comes out of nowhere, stays for a while, and then leaves just as quickly.  For example, it would make sense if I had just been doing something that involved my shoulder area and was feeling pain there, but that is not the case so I know it is not an injury; just nerves firing off.  So I ignore it as best as I can and continue on with whatever I am doing.

 

Just to be clear, so that you don’t panic and think, “Wow, he has been at this for several years and is still suffering with this”, what I am experiencing is nowhere near the level of discomfort and misery as it was a few years ago.  It is still with me, but it is not disabling like it once was, occurs much less often and for much less duration.  It has and is healing and I have full confidence that one day it will be completely gone.

 

All the best to you,

 

pug

[Melissa5000]

Thank you so much for coming back and answering Pug!

 

It means a lot to me!

 

I learn a lot from your topic.

[shawny]

@pug 

 

I read ur 4.5 years update ! its remarkable the journey u have gone thru ! 

 

I read that your tinnitus has improved drastically and reduced and sometimes none 

 

so does that mean now the Tinnitus is close to extinction and there are days its completely gone ? ur tinnitus is now coming and going ?

[Longroadhome]

On 5/29/2017 at 7:03 PM, pug said:

Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time.  I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you.  Am I completely 100% done healing?  No.  Am I so, so much better?  Oh yes!  Now for some basics:

 

Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey.  Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery).  So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once!  I am proof that given time we can heal.

 

I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free.  Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try.  I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern.  I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off.  At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end.  But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner.

 

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so.  I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years.  And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order:

 

Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember.  The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too.

 

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better.  But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely.  I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate.  Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method.  It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies.  I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian.

 

So, what remains for me?  I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues.  If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed.  I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it.  I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness.

 

So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”.  Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery.  Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help.

 

All my love.

 

Pug

Hi Pug 

can I ask you what percentage are you at today  with your healing both physical and emotional ? 

Are you enjoying life ?

did the depression and anxiety go away slowly over time and have they  now left you completely?

thank you for your time and for giving hope to those of us who have barely started our journey 

LRH 

[Tweet]

Thank you for your story, Pug! 

I would like to know how you are doing now.

Thanks

[pug]

On 7/8/2019 at 2:18 AM, shawny said:

@pug 

 

I read ur 4.5 years update ! its remarkable the journey u have gone thru ! 

 

I read that your tinnitus has improved drastically and reduced and sometimes none 

 

so does that mean now the Tinnitus is close to extinction and there are days its completely gone ? ur tinnitus is now coming and going ?

 

Hello,

 

My tinnitus is better.  I have it most days but the volume is less most of the time.  Less often I will have a bad day or a few when it is pretty loud and I notice it, but there are also days when it is so low that I don’t notice it without concentrating to see if it is there.  And yes, I do even have days when it is completely gone.  I would not say that it is close to “extinction”, but it is better and that is really what is most important; that improvement is possible and healing does happen.

 

All the best,

 

pug

[pug]

On 7/24/2019 at 10:27 AM, Longroadhome said:

Hi Pug 

can I ask you what percentage are you at today  with your healing both physical and emotional ? 

Are you enjoying life ?

did the depression and anxiety go away slowly over time and have they  now left you completely?

thank you for your time and for giving hope to those of us who have barely started our journey 

LRH 

 

Hello,

 

Putting percentages on healing is really difficult.  I have done that in previous posts and I was way off so I know how difficult it is.  I want to put a percentage on my healing, and it would be helpful to others, but I think it is just not possible to give an accurate estimate.  What is easier to comment on is that I am better, and I am healing; it is extremely slow and hard to see at times, but I know that it is happening.

 

Am I enjoying life?  For the most part yes.  When I am having a bad day or days it is harder to enjoy life, just like it is for anyone who is not feeling their best.  But during those times I remind myself that I am healing, it is just a matter of time, I am feeling better more often, things can change quickly, and how I feel at this very moment is not my future reality.  At one time during my recovery I wanted to end my life; but now I work hard to live healthy so that I can prolong my life.  That is a clear picture of healing and major improvement, and the power of not quitting, not giving up, and letting time work its magic in this process.

 

Depression and anxiety are gone other than what most folks deal with in their life.  I would say I get discouraged and worried now, not depressed and anxious.  And it really only happens when I am having a bad day and I am easily overcome with life’s challenges.  In a general sense, they are shadows from the past that crop up sometimes now, but I can just accept them, move on with my day, and soon they have left and I am encouraged once again.

 

Wishing you healing,

 

pug

[pug]

On 7/26/2019 at 7:21 PM, Tweet said:

Thank you for your story, Pug! 

I would like to know how you are doing now.

Thanks

 

Hello,

 

Thank you for asking.  I am doing well for the most part.  I am not done healing, I still have bad days and challenges, my health is not as predictable as I would wish for, but in an overall sense I am well.

 

Most days I can do the things that I want to or need to, I eat and drink what I like, I exercise, I enjoy hobbies, family, pets, etc.; all the things that make up a good life.  The more time that goes by and the more healing that happens for me I realize just how truly sick I really was just a few short years ago.  Knowing how I was doing then versus how I am doing now is all it takes to raise my spirits when I have a bad day and reinforce to me that even though my journey seems to be taking such a long time, I will eventually be completely healed.

 

Recovery from withdrawal is not like any other challenge that I am aware of.  The all-encompassing physical, mental, and emotional pain and suffering, the bizarre symptoms, the unpredictable journey, the length of recovery, and all the other pieces of this process add up to a very great challenge.  But I can tell you that even with all that I have been through and dealt with, it is worth it to be free from the drugs that have harmed us all and held us back from the life that we desire, and I still believe that healing and health is the natural outcome of this process and it awaits us in the end.

 

So regardless of where you are in your journey to recovery, don’t quit and don’t give up.  Because what you are doing is extremely brave and takes an incredible amount of courage, and you are all true heroes in my book.

 

All the best to everyone,

 

pug

[rowdybaby098]

Hi pug,

 

How is your PSSD?

[shawny]

14 hours ago, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

My tinnitus is better.  I have it most days but the volume is less most of the time.  Less often I will have a bad day or a few when it is pretty loud and I notice it, but there are also days when it is so low that I don’t notice it without concentrating to see if it is there.  And yes, I do even have days when it is completely gone.  I would not say that it is close to “extinction”, but it is better and that is really what is most important; that improvement is possible and healing does happen.

 

All the best,

 

pug

thanks to take your time out in updating me

[Tweet]

Thanks so much, Pug.

And thanks for the wonderful encouragement.

Your compassion is a real comfort as I have no “believers” in the house!

[Cocopuffz17]

Very thankful for you sharing your experience. It gives me drive and focus not to give up! It resonates so much with what I have been going through and that there is a better life in the future is very encouraging! THANK YOU 😃

[getofflex]

Pug, thanks for sharing your success story!  It gives me hope to keep plugging along in my journey off these drugs. Some days I feel terrible, some days just bad, but some days I feel good.  Thankful for those good days.  

[Henryk12]

On 5/29/2017 at 7:03 PM, pug said:

Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time.  I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you.  Am I completely 100% done healing?  No.  Am I so, so much better?  Oh yes!  Now for some basics:

 

Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey.  Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery).  So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once!  I am proof that given time we can heal.

 

I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free.  Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try.  I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern.  I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off.  At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end.  But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner.

 

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so.  I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years.  And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order:

 

Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember.  The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too.

 

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better.  But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely.  I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate.  Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method.  It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies.  I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian.

 

So, what remains for me?  I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues.  If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed.  I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it.  I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness.

 

So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”.  Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery.  Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help.

 

All my love.

 

Pug

Right now I have some minor tics or tardive dystonia or so . You think is withdrawal and I’m going to overcome? 

[Henryk12]

Thank you sir . I will believe that I will recover . I keep hoping and praying that God revive me 

[pug]

On 8/6/2019 at 11:04 PM, rowdybaby098 said:

Hi pug,

 

How is your PSSD?

 

Hello,

 

My pssd, like all of the other symptoms has improved greatly and continues to heal very slowly.  Since I have been at this for almost 5 years, I can’t really know for sure what type of response is “normal” for someone my age; especially after the years of being on the drugs that as we know kill your sexuality.  The bottom line is that I can enjoy sex most of the time, and when I desire it.  You will recover also, it just takes time for healing to happen, so keep going!

 

pug

[pug]

On 10/16/2019 at 7:55 AM, Henryk12 said:

Right now I have some minor tics or tardive dystonia or so . You think is withdrawal and I’m going to overcome? 

 

Hello,

 

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering the severe symptoms that this process can bring about.  If you have not experienced these symptoms prior to starting your withdrawal from the drugs, then my guess is that withdrawal is causing your troubles.  Withdrawal caused me so many strange and bizarre symptoms that I know it is possible to experience anything during this process.  I did see doctors at first but eventually gave up on them as they were no help at best and were only too happy to try and push drugs on me.

 

I soon realized that the moderators here at the forum and the forum itself were a much better resource than doctors who had little to no experience with serious, heavy duty withdrawal.  That is the path I chose and it is not for everyone, but it is always a good idea to get feedback here before making choices concerning your recovery.

 

This syndrome can be overcome and wholeness, health, and happiness can be had once again.  We just have to trust the process of recovery regardless of how long it takes, and never give up!

 

All the best to you,

 

pug

[Henryk12]

Thanks for giving me the courage. Just developed tinnitus few days ago and I’m just so worried cause I don’t know what to expect next . How can we live our lives like this and our prescribers are living fine and well . I had no issues whatsoever, all I sense is medical malpractice, the last time I went to see the psychiatrist to confirm my diagnosis but they wouldn’t let me see her . She wouldn’t come out to see me either cause she knows what she had done to me and I’m sure I’m not their first victim . They give out risperidone like they give out foods to help the poor . 

 

This had damaged me so much that I don’t know how long it takes to recover . 

 

I had a lot of problems while taking the drug , even though I didn’t know the drug was my doom . My fave structure body and all seem like it has been changed. I can tell cause I’m so uncomfortable in my own skin . How can you do this to an healthy person with no medical backing whatsoever. All I had was hypeventilation due to Canabis withdrawal and the doctor that referred me to the psychiatrist wrote multiple sclerosis inside my report case and she made the sclerosis looks so multiple. That’s what risperidone does . I’m a victim of circumstances, no one can understand my pain cause my whole life I’ve never felt so miserable but I will keep believing and hoping and that’s more reason why I’m so scared to reinstate risperidone. Been off close to a month now . My should got detached why on this drug . How can I be so displaced ??? 

[smketdie]

Hello pug İam 19 and have been dealing with burning neck neck pain headacjes head shakes head concentration head squeezing confusion feeling like İam not myself thinking involuntarily for 1

yearnow they are constant and i never have good days.. Dıd you have any of these symptoms ? I really want to heal from this. Iam scared that İam wasting time. Please help

Also thank you for hanging in forum it means a lot really.

[pug]

On 11/14/2019 at 3:57 PM, smketdie said:

Hello pug İam 19 and have been dealing with burning neck neck pain headacjes head shakes head concentration head squeezing confusion feeling like İam not myself thinking involuntarily for 1

yearnow they are constant and i never have good days.. Dıd you have any of these symptoms ? I really want to heal from this. Iam scared that İam wasting time. Please help

Also thank you for hanging in forum it means a lot really.

 

Hello,

 

Please read through the posts in this thread and the other success stories and I think you will see that recovery is possible and that you can overcome this challenge.

 

Don't give up, keep going, and.you will heal!

 

pug

Hello Everyone,

 

It is time for my 5 year update.  I can hardly believe it but it has been 5 years since I took my last dose of medication and stepped off of a cliff into the very depths of hell.  I have come a very long way from that day and life is once again good for the most part and I am very happy to be alive and to have survived withdrawal.

 

So how are things for me now?  Well I wish I could say that I was 100% recovered but that is not the case.  I still have symptoms that I deal with on a daily basis, although they are usually minor and mild and I often times don’t even realize that I have them.  I still deal with:

 

Tinnitus

Nerve pain

Sleep quality

Stomach issues

A bit of excessive emotions

Fatigue and tiredness

And possibly a few others that are very mild and almost gone; these symptoms can affect my quality of life a bit, but mostly only in small ways.  Not too bad considering the dozens and dozens of symptoms I dealt with for the first few years.

 

Now please don’t let my story be a discouragement or scare you in any way.  I have suffered a very long and difficult recovery but that is my path and does not mean you will experience recovery like I have.  I think most people are done with this process much sooner than I, and my guess is that you will also recover much sooner than me.  But should it take you longer than expected and you are in heavy withdrawal for an extended period of time, please use my experience as an example of how we can still overcome this challenge.  My feeling is that given enough time we will all improve and heal from this, and life can be good once again.

 

When I think about the overwhelming depression, anxiety, paranoia, massive brain fog, that I dealt with for so long, and that it is mostly all gone, I can see just how we can heal from this challenge.  I really feel like we heal every day, but the healing is in such small amounts we can’t feel or see it; especially during the beginning of our journey to freedom.  But it is happening and it is our job to patiently wait to the best of our ability for it to become evident.  Easier said than done, but I am here to tell you that it can be done and you can do it!!

 

My recovery has been one of mostly waves and windows, some short and some long; and it always seems that improvements have come after a downturn and great suffering, the one step back, and 2 steps forward method, although it has been more like a tiny bit over 1 step forward each time after so many years, but it all adds up and is progress none the less!  And all I have to do is look back at how things were just a couple of years ago and I can see how much I have improved over the days of what seemed like continual suffering.

 

Life is so much easier now!  I am telling you that all of the worries and obsessing that you are currently doing about recovery, if you will still have depression or anxiety, if you can cope without meds, if you are damaged for good, etc. all those worries just melt away as you heal and move on with your life!  I worried and obsessed about them too, and I was sure I would never be able to manage my life again, but that was just my damaged brain trying to make sense of recovery and not reality.  Now that my brain has healed so much it is like a new world where I know I have the skills and abilities to deal with life as it comes to me; all the ups and downs; challenges and successes; I can do it all med free and go about making the life that I want.  This will happen for you too, just put in the time for the healing to happen and you will start to discover that life can be good again, and even better than before!

 

So my message is still the same after initially posting this success story somewhat prematurely 2.5 years ago; we can and will recover from this challenge if we just pass the time and let the healing happen!  You can do this, and you must; don’t give up, keep going, and you can make it to the other side where your new life awaits and health and happiness can be yours once again!

 

All my best to everyone here,

 

pug

[Tom37]

Thanks heaps for your update as not a lot of people keep coming back to update.

 

Congratulations on getting to where you are and hopefully at your 6 year update those few remaining symptoms will be gone or on their way.

[Gem92]

Hello Pug! Thank you for sharing your story and your symptoms. Did you have any cognitive issues? Like no concept of time?

[Liamb123456]

On 12/5/2019 at 12:13 AM, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

Please read through the posts in this thread and the other success stories and I think you will see that recovery is possible and that you can overcome this challenge.

 

Don't give up, keep going, and.you will heal!

 

pug

Hello Everyone,

 

It is time for my 5 year update.  I can hardly believe it but it has been 5 years since I took my last dose of medication and stepped off of a cliff into the very depths of hell.  I have come a very long way from that day and life is once again good for the most part and I am very happy to be alive and to have survived withdrawal.

 

So how are things for me now?  Well I wish I could say that I was 100% recovered but that is not the case.  I still have symptoms that I deal with on a daily basis, although they are usually minor and mild and I often times don’t even realize that I have them.  I still deal with:

 

Tinnitus

Nerve pain

Sleep quality

Stomach issues

A bit of excessive emotions

Fatigue and tiredness

And possibly a few others that are very mild and almost gone; these symptoms can affect my quality of life a bit, but mostly only in small ways.  Not too bad considering the dozens and dozens of symptoms I dealt with for the first few years.

 

Now please don’t let my story be a discouragement or scare you in any way.  I have suffered a very long and difficult recovery but that is my path and does not mean you will experience recovery like I have.  I think most people are done with this process much sooner than I, and my guess is that you will also recover much sooner than me.  But should it take you longer than expected and you are in heavy withdrawal for an extended period of time, please use my experience as an example of how we can still overcome this challenge.  My feeling is that given enough time we will all improve and heal from this, and life can be good once again.

 

When I think about the overwhelming depression, anxiety, paranoia, massive brain fog, that I dealt with for so long, and that it is mostly all gone, I can see just how we can heal from this challenge.  I really feel like we heal every day, but the healing is in such small amounts we can’t feel or see it; especially during the beginning of our journey to freedom.  But it is happening and it is our job to patiently wait to the best of our ability for it to become evident.  Easier said than done, but I am here to tell you that it can be done and you can do it!!

 

My recovery has been one of mostly waves and windows, some short and some long; and it always seems that improvements have come after a downturn and great suffering, the one step back, and 2 steps forward method, although it has been more like a tiny bit over 1 step forward each time after so many years, but it all adds up and is progress none the less!  And all I have to do is look back at how things were just a couple of years ago and I can see how much I have improved over the days of what seemed like continual suffering.

 

Life is so much easier now!  I am telling you that all of the worries and obsessing that you are currently doing about recovery, if you will still have depression or anxiety, if you can cope without meds, if you are damaged for good, etc. all those worries just melt away as you heal and move on with your life!  I worried and obsessed about them too, and I was sure I would never be able to manage my life again, but that was just my damaged brain trying to make sense of recovery and not reality.  Now that my brain has healed so much it is like a new world where I know I have the skills and abilities to deal with life as it comes to me; all the ups and downs; challenges and successes; I can do it all med free and go about making the life that I want.  This will happen for you too, just put in the time for the healing to happen and you will start to discover that life can be good again, and even better than before!

 

So my message is still the same after initially posting this success story somewhat prematurely 2.5 years ago; we can and will recover from this challenge if we just pass the time and let the healing happen!  You can do this, and you must; don’t give up, keep going, and you can make it to the other side where your new life awaits and health and happiness can be yours once again!

 

All my best to everyone here,

 

pug

What is I get off you is your symptoms have gone but others will only bother you sometimes makes me think it permanent damage but you can live some sort off semi life.. which good thing from your were you were  at the start.. so point I’m trying make is you live with permanent left overs but can live life that’s good I guess mate 

[apace41]

2 hours ago, Liamb123456 said:

What is I get off you is your symptoms have gone but others will only bother you sometimes makes me think it permanent damage but you can live some sort off semi life.. which good thing from your were you were  at the start.. so point I’m trying make is you live with permanent left overs but can live life that’s good I guess mate 

 

If that is what you got, Liamb, I think one area you need some work on is your outlook and approach.  The idea that what pug wrote, which to me is still a story of healing, albeit with a somewhat longer timeline, is something you see as "permanent damage" is troubling.  Using the word "permanent" is, in and of itself, troubling, as nobody can know what is and is not permanent when it comes to the human body and, especially, the human brain.  I think pug would tell you that he has seen enough incremental change, even in the more difficult symptoms, that he doesn't expect these symptoms to be "permanent."

Best,

 

Andy

[Pina]

Hello Pug,
thank you for your contributions. At the Moment is your story my anchor. I've been at zero for 17 months now. One heavy wave after another for now 8 months, no real break for breath.

Constant nausea that doesn't seem to get better. It is hard not to lose hope. Back pain and many other things that change constantly. I hope that I will get better at some point.

Your words are what gives me hope Many thanks. Happy Christmas for you and your family also an Happy New Year.

 

 

[Longroadhome]

On 5/29/2017 at 7:03 PM, pug said:

Yes, it will feel like a miracle when it happens for you; and it will happen for you, it is just a matter of time.  I want to get that out there first thing; it is my belief that we will all heal in time; it has happened for me and is continuing to happen and it will happen for you.  Am I completely 100% done healing?  No.  Am I so, so much better?  Oh yes!  Now for some basics:

 

Male, mid 50s, took zoloft for over 20 year, quit cold turkey 3.5 years ago, was off 5 months, thought I was relapsing, so started prozac for 3.5 months and then quit that cold turkey.  Then I found S.A. and discovered what I was dealing with was not a relapse but withdrawal (and recovery).  So yes, I did everything completely wrong and more than once!  I am proof that given time we can heal.

 

I currently just celebrated 30 months of being drug free.  Now, how to begin to describe the inhumane torture that I have endured until very recently; not sure but I will try.  I have gone through both the windows and waves pattern and the continuous misery pattern.  I was one of those that suffered a great deal after quitting, but really got slammed at about 6 months off.  At 1 year I was barely functioning; at 1.5 years I was still miserable, and at 2 years off I was wondering if I was doomed to endless suffering with no end.  But now as I have hit the 2.5 year mark I feel as if I have turned the corner.

 

Windows and waves general comprised the first year and then it became continuous misery for pretty much the next 6 to 12 months or more; and then back to windows and waves.  My last serious wave was in months 25-26 and now finally what feels like solid progress the last month or so.  I am hesitant to list symptoms because I know how much it use to scare me to read what others were going through; but on the other hand it really helped when a new symptom would start, because I knew it was part of the recovery process and not some disease or sickness, and most of these are gone or have become minimal although they lasted for months or years.  And just because I experienced them does not mean that you will, we all have a very individual road to recovery; so here they are in no specific order:

 

Dark depression, anxiety, paranoia, obsessive compulsive, panic attacks, intrusive/obsessive thoughts that tortured me, hopelessness, irrational thinking, suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, intense organic fear, severe inner-body tension that felt like my whole insides were clamped up, sexual dysfunction, severe tension, tremors and pain in the back of my legs and calves, terrible shoulder and upper arm pain, mania, extreme bloating and stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, feeling like my brain was on fire, feeling like a part of my brain was missing, feeling like a bomb had gone off in my head, floating head feeling, super-hot face, body temperature regulation problems – being super-hot or cold, constipation, dehydration, lack of appetite and weight loss, feeling dead, anhedonia, akathisia, mood swings, insomnia, terrible brain fog and inability to think clearly, sensitive vision and hearing, inching and burning skin, cold like symptoms, head congestion, phantom smells, constant tinnitus, severe fatigue and exhaustion, health anxiety, I could not read, listen to music, or meditate, heart palpitations, random traveling aching and stabbing pain throughout my body, headaches, and so many other symptoms that I can’t remember.  The torture, pain, misery, suffering and utter despair was never ending…until it did finally start to end for me and it will for you too.

 

Did anything help me along the way?  I tried many things; acupuncture, vitamins and supplements, alpha-stim, gluten free diet, no sugar diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, and anything else I could do to try and feel better.  Did it work?  In a sense it all worked because it kept me focused on recovery and gave me hope when I had none, and the possibility that I might feel better.  But time passing has been the real healing agent; although that was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was suffering so intensely.  I did find that mindfulness, breathing exercises and physical exercise helped when all else failed and I was so truly desperate.  Many hours were spent just trying to pay attention to my breath going in and out; and I still use this practice as a relaxation method.  It also helped me greatly to visit this website daily as well as Benzo-Buddies.  I read success stories for hours at a time, read the Bloom in Wellness facebook page each day and anything by Baylissa Frederick and also Don Killian.

 

So, what remains for me?  I still have tinnitus (although it has gotten much better over the last month), stomach bloating and pain on occassion, nerve pain, some brain zaps at night, fatigue and tiredness, and sleep issues.  If I had to put some percentages on where I am at now I would say physically I am at about 85-90% healed and mentally/emotionally at 90-95% healed.  I now eat anything that I choose although I eat as healthily as possible because I value life so much now and I want to live as long as possible; I exercise regularly and it feels wonderful; I enjoy caffeinated drinks including regular tea and coffee which I had given up for many months; I also drink wine and beer a couple times a week if I choose to and enjoy it.  I am in the best shape since high school, and have lost 75 pounds (on purpose). Life is good again and just the simple things are more than enough to bring joy and happiness.

 

So that is my story and I hope it will encourage you as you read it that you will recover and become yourself again.  I remember reading similar statements in success stories and thinking, “Yea, right, that is easy for you to say, you are not suffering through this terrible hell right now!”  And maybe you are thinking the same thing as I did, but please listen to my words; you will make it, you will recover, you will feel better, and you will join me in loving life once again; just please don’t give up or give in and keep going!

 

As I sit here with a cup of coffee and contemplate what I have been through the last several years, it all seems so strange and foreign.  Success stories promised that I would make it to recovery, and they were right, so now it is my turn to tell you that you will make it, “You will make it!”.  Wishing everyone here all the best and a quick recovery.  Please let me know if you have any questions and I will be happy to try and help.

 

All my love.

 

Pug

Hi Pug 

how long did you have upper back and shoulder pain for and did you find out exact cause ? 
this has developed a couple of weeks ago for me and I’m putting it down to WD as I have had several muscle/joint/disc problems since starting my journey that I definitely associate with coming off the meds 

thank you for always being so supportive 

youre   famous around here !! 
LRH

[Longroadhome]

On 2/24/2020 at 1:30 PM, Longroadhome said:

Hi Pug 

how long did you have upper back and shoulder pain for and did you find out exact cause ? 
this has developed a couple of weeks ago for me and I’m putting it down to WD as I have had several muscle/joint/disc problems since starting my journey that I definitely associate with coming off the meds 

thank you for always being so supportive 

youre   famous around here !! 
LRH

@pug

hi Pug

You have not been on in the site for a while . Hope this is good sign and you are living a great life . If you do re visit could you kindly answer my  question above. 

many thanks