Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[wantrelief]

5 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thanks js. It’s really such a weird place to be. I just wish I could stop obsessing about my condition. That’s the worst part. I never did this before. It’s constant. I can’t get away from it. It’s like I have aspergers. 

I have this exact same problem...it is something to do with withdrawal as I've gone through this before and when I am better, the obsessing stops.  it is like our brains know something is wrong and are trying to figure out what to do....it feels relentless.  It is terribly difficult for me to distract, maybe easier at night but it is still there just a little bit calmer maybe.  You are really doing a great job trying to go out and socialize, I know how hard it is to do anything feeling this way.

[JS11]

Depression is so very hard to deal with.  It is one of my constant companions.  Anyone who has ever been depressed understands.  

I understand the security idea.  But I honestly don't know if drugs helped me with depression or just numbed me into apathy.  I rather think it is the latter.  Now that I am waking up, all of these things are right out in the open.  

 

I did a number on myself with bunches of drugs too.  I am afraid too, D.

If I don't have something scheduled in the morning, I have a very difficult time as well.  I am working, but that brings its own set of challenges.  Is there something that you are able to do teach morning hat you enjoy or something you could reward yourself with?  I find if I have something to look forward to, it makes things more bearable.  I typically make a cup of tea and go here.   Maybe you can find something to schedule each day.  A little treat.  

I hope the rest of the evening treats you well.  And I send positive thoughts for tomorrow.

take care,

JS

 

[Dalalea]

1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

I have health anxiety. I always think something is really wrong, when it's just a WD symptom. I don't have much of an appetite right now, forcing myself to eat.

I think Frogie actually said this but I quoted a quote! I have the same thing! It adds to my anxiety and then I stop eating. It can be a real struggle if I notice something odd or different and then start the worrying thoughts that won't stop. Sometimes it turns into catastrophic thinking! If I know it's on a WD symptom list it helps me calm down a little. Then I start wondering how long I'll be fighting WD.

I was doing a bit better until I caught the flu a few weeks ago. Now all of the symptoms are back full force. Tonight I'm avoiding going to bed because last night I had insomnia. I'm considering going out to catch a view of the moon if I'm awake again tonight!

Reading other's posts helps me feel not so alone. I'm a retired, empty-nester, widow so, coming here helps keep me from bouncing around in my thoughts and misery during a bad day.

[Downbutnotout]

Good to meet you. It’s difficult. It really helps to have a feeling if acceptance and support. I hope you went to bed and got done sleep. 

[Dalalea]

Thank you! Five or six hours last night. Better than 3 the night before!

[Frogie]

17 hours ago, Dalalea said:

I think Frogie actually said this but I quoted a quote! I have the same thing! It adds to my anxiety and then I stop eating. It can be a real struggle if I notice something odd or different and then start the worrying thoughts that won't stop. Sometimes it turns into catastrophic thinking! If I know it's on a WD symptom list it helps me calm down a little. Then I start wondering how long I'll be fighting WD.

I was doing a bit better until I caught the flu a few weeks ago. Now all of the symptoms are back full force. Tonight I'm avoiding going to bed because last night I had insomnia. I'm considering going out to catch a view of the moon if I'm awake again tonight!

Reading other's posts helps me feel not so alone. I'm a retired, empty-nester, widow so, coming here helps keep me from bouncing around in my thoughts and misery during a bad day.

You are welcome to post on my forum. You can never have too many friends!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

18 hours ago, JS11 said:

Depression is so very hard to deal with.  It is one of my constant companions.  Anyone who has ever been depressed understands.  

I understand the security idea.  But I honestly don't know if drugs helped me with depression or just numbed me into apathy.  I rather think it is the latter.  Now that I am waking up, all of these things are right out in the open.  

 

I did a number on myself with bunches of drugs too.  I am afraid too, D.

If I don't have something scheduled in the morning, I have a very difficult time as well.  I am working, but that brings its own set of challenges.  Is there something that you are able to do teach morning hat you enjoy or something you could reward yourself with?  I find if I have something to look forward to, it makes things more bearable.  I typically make a cup of tea and go here.   Maybe you can find something to schedule each day.  A little treat.  

I hope the rest of the evening treats you well.  And I send positive thoughts for tomorrow.

take care,

JS

 

Compared to what some of our fellow members are going through, I know this is so ridiculous. At least I can feel some empathy. I raised my beads to see if that would help. I’m going to try tms again which is really silly since it didn’t work before. I had no motor threshold, and I’m sure I still won’t. This was only in October. I was thinking since I’m on less drugs it might help. They are willing to give it another shot, but I already know it’s futile. There is obviously something wrong with my brain structure or it would’ve worked the first time. This was confirmed on a pet scan I did 20 years ago. I am just going to upset myself when it doesn’t work again. Your hand is supposed to twitch so they know how much tms to give you. I felt it in my right hand, but nothing moved. I didn’t feel anything on my left hand. According to the pet scan, i had very little blood flow on my left side, and it was a little better on the right.  It’s supposed to work right away, and they tried for 2 hours. I think they wanted to do it since my insurance company will pay for it and they are also a research hospital. I did ask them if they’d try again. They will probably push ect on me when it doesn’t work. I’m not going to do it. I may cancel the whole thing. Why torment myself. But I keep saying, what if it works? What if it works? 

[Frogie]

3 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Compared to what some of our fellow members are going through, I know this is so ridiculous. At least I can feel some empathy. I raised my beads to see if that would help. I’m going to try tms again which is really silly since it didn’t work before. I had no motor threshold, and I’m sure I still won’t. They are willing to give it another shot, but I already know it’s futile. There is obviously something wrong with my brain structure or it would’ve worked the first time. This was confirmed on a pet scan I did 20 years ago. I am just going to upset myself when it doesn’t work again. Your hand is supposed to twitch so they know how much tms to give you. I felt it in my right hand, but nothing moved. I didn’t feel anything on my left hand. It’s supposed to work right away, and they tried for 2 hours. I think they wanted to do it since my insurance company will pay for it and they are also a research hospital. I did ask them if they’d try again. They will probably push ect on me when it doesn’t work. I’m not going to do it. I may cancel the whole thing. Why torment myself. But I keep saying, what if it works? What if it works? 

You should try again. You never know, it might work this time! What do you have to lose? It doesn't work again, then you know. I hope upping your meds will help.

 

I wish you luck in all of this!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

3 minutes ago, Frogie said:

You should try again. You never know, it might work this time! What do you have to lose? It doesn't work again, then you know. I hope upping your meds will help.

 

I wish you luck in all of this!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks Frogie. I know its not going to work. I wish I would’ve never approached them. I really think I need to up my meds to the original dosage. How’s your thyroid and your glassses? 

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Thanks Frogie. I know its not going to work. I wish I would’ve never approached them. I really think I need to up my meds to the original dosage. How’s your thyroid and your glassses? 

You never know until you try. Try it , might work this time. Maybe you should wait and see if upping your dosage helps before you go back to your regular dose. Don't know about my thyroid, I don't feel any different. Get my glasses in a week or so.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

I wish I was more like Kristine. 

[Frogie]

18 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I wish I was more like Kristine. 

Me too. But I always try to look at the bright side. You can do it!

[AliG]

Sorry D. I've been away. How are you ? I see you have changed your dose ~ that's not a good idea. You have to stabilize. Changing dose doesn't equal healing. Please stay as you are ~ you are actually doing quite well.

 

If you don't want want my input but want other mods advice, instead ~ then please let me know.

 

On 1/29/2018 at 12:19 AM, Downbutnotout said:

I would appreciate greatly a mod to get back to me when they are able. I know you are all volunteers and it is a great service you’re doing. Ali has been responding  to me. I have been doing 5 beads since Dec 26. Yesterday I took off a little piece off trazadone. Is this too early for me to be cutting down the trazadone. Could it be supressing my emotions?  I did wake up with less anxiety, but the depression was bad. I’ve been forcing myself to function, although I did stay in bed all morning feeling worse and worse. I know I should’ve gotten up, but I found it very difficult. This has been a problem for me. I don’t know if anyone else has this problem. And how do they deal with it? My husband finally got me up out of bed.    The depression is a constant. It does goes from a 10 to an 7 when I am interacting with others. I also took a piece of magnesium and fish oil. I am so paranoid about reactions, that I have to force down food. It is either part of the depression or I’m so paranoid on how I’m going to react to food. 

Ali

[Downbutnotout]

2 hours ago, AliG said:

Sorry D. I've been away. How are you ? I see you have changed your dose ~ that's not a good idea. You have to stabilize. Changing dose doesn't equal healing. Please stay as you are ~ you are actually doing quite well.

 

If you don't want want my input but want other mods advice, instead ~ then please let me know.

 

Ali

Oh Ali, I am so sorry. I am so , so happy you answered me! I want your input. I didn’t understand you were away.  I also didn’t know you were my personal mod. You are so right. I upped it yesterday, and had a horrible reaction .I stupidly went from 5 to 10 beads.  It was a HUGE  mistake. I thought maybe it would help the depression and anxiety.    It made it worse. I went back down to 5 today.  

 

I am also dealing with possibly trying tms again. It didn’t work the first time because I had no motor reaction when they tried it. I probably won’t this time either. A motor reaction is when your thumbs move . Mine didn’t.  That very rarely happens. Like 1 in 200 people. You can’t find it on the internet anywhere. My brain has not changed except I”m taking less drugs.  I have to tell them I don’t want to try again.  I begged them. I’m just desperate to feel normal again. I am forgetting what its like to  feel any emotion except dread and depression. 

 

My psychiatrist is going along with the bead thing but she seemed really skeptical about the 5 beads.  That was working on me. Of course she didn’t understand anything about withdrawal. She told me I could get off the trazadone in no time flat. . I also refused more medication. She thought seroquel along with effexor might help. 

 

I should’ve canceled the appointment.  I now understand her ideas  are not going to help me. 

 

[Downbutnotout]

20 hours ago, Frogie said:

Me too. But I always try to look at the bright side. You can do it!

I am having a horrible time mentally. Upping my effexor to 10 beads was a mistake. Doubling it was not smart. I’m paying for it today. I went back to 5. We’re you always optimistic? I was very relieved when Ali got back to me. If I didn’t have the support here, I’d really be lost. How are you doing? Time to ask about you. 

[Kristine]

11 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am having a horrible time mentally. I am doubting I can do anything. Upping my effexor to 10 beads was a mistake. I’m paying for it today. I went back to 5.

Hi D,  I'm so sorry you are feeling so horrible.  I guess your experience is a clear indication that you should stick with 5 beads. Do you find this reassuring in some way? Just letting you know I'm thinking of you. Sending you love and encouragement. K xo

[Frogie]

12 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I am having a horrible time mentally. Upping my effexor to 10 beads was a mistake. Doubling it was not smart. I’m paying for it today. I went back to 5. We’re you always optimistic? I was very relieved when Ali got back to me. If I didn’t have the support here, I’d really be lost. How are you doing? Time to ask about you. 

I didn't know you doubled your dose. If you are going to go up in dosage, you have to do it slow. But listen to Ali, she is awesome! She knows what she's talking about. No I haven't always been optimistic. I have been very very negative a lot. But I've learned that I have to do what's right for me and not worry about what people think of me. I'm really glad I have met so many people on here and have learned a lot. Great people. I'm doing ok. Been on the thyroid medication for a week now. I wake up slightly nauseous in the morning, but my fiancé said I need to give it another week. If I'm not better in a week I'm going to call the dr and talk to him about it. I tried the generic of Synthroid last year and got really sick, I was throwing up. So,this is a natural one. I think my body needs to get used to it. I will be glad to get my glasses too. Hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

36 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hi D,  I'm so sorry you are feeling so horrible.  I guess your experience is a clear indication that you should stick with 5 beads. Do you find this reassuring in some way? Just letting you know I'm thinking of you. Sending you love and encouragement. K xo

I can’t believe you are able to support me when you’re having such horrendous physical problems.  Thank you. I like the love and encouragement part. Please take care of yourself!  It’s reassuring to know you are a nurse, so you know how to do the right thing. 

[Downbutnotout]

1 minute ago, Frogie said:

I didn't know you doubled your dose. If you are going to go up in dosage, you have to do it slow. But listen to Ali, she is awesome! She knows what she's talking about. No I haven't always been optimistic. I have been very very negative a lot. But I've learned that I have to do what's right for me and not worry about what people think of me. I'm really glad I have met so many people on here and have learned a lot. Great people. I'm doing ok. Been on the thyroid medication for a week now. I wake up slightly nauseous in the morning, but my fiancé said I need to give it another week. If I'm not better in a week I'm going to call the dr and talk to him about it. I tried the generic of Synthroid last year and got really sick, I was throwing up. So,this is a natural one. I think my body needs to get used to it. I will be glad to get my glasses too. Hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

I think the trick is being sure about what’s right for me. I hate the feeling that my mind does not belong to me. I went through a lot of crazy symptoms earlier. It scared me so much.  I did get very manic, and aggressive. I think I had the starts of some of these things you’ve experienced. Feeling like I wanted to jump out of my skin, running up and down the stairs, etc. Feeling very manic is the worst symptom.  I still have the anxiety at times, but am not so manic. But I can’t get my mind off of this. It’s like I’m obsessive/ compulsive about it. That’s my worst symptom now.  I can’t escape from it. 

 

You sound more definite than me. That’s a good thing.  You sound like you have a stomach problem, and nausea is your body’s way of telling you no. I hope you stop wanting to throw up. Sounds like you can talk to your fiancée about things other than how worried you are. 24/7. 

 

 

You take care. 

D

[Frogie]

21 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I think the trick is being sure about what’s right for me. I hate the feeling that my mind does not belong to me. I went through a lot of crazy symptoms earlier. It scared me so much.  I did get very manic, and aggressive. I think I had the starts of some of these things you’ve experienced. Feeling like I wanted to jump out of my skin, running up and down the stairs, etc. Feeling very manic is the worst symptom.  I still have the anxiety at times, but am not so manic. But I can’t get my mind off of this. It’s like I’m obsessive/ compulsive about it. That’s my worst symptom now.  I can’t escape from it. 

 

You sound more definite than me. That’s a good thing.  You sound like you have a stomach problem, and nausea is your body’s way of telling you no. I hope you stop wanting to throw up. Sounds like you can talk to your fiancée about things other than how worried you are. 24/7. 

 

 

You take care. 

D

I don't think I'm more sure than you are. You just need to trust the mods, like Ali. I had a really hard time in the beginning trusting someone on the Internet telling me what to do. But they were right. I've learned to listen to,them now. You sound like me wanting to crawl out of my skin. I got some magnesium cream off of Amazon. It helps a lot. Then you wanting to go up and down the stairs sounds like I was at one point. I wanted to just run out of the house. I did once. It's called fight or flight. If you need to go up and down the stairs then do it. It's built up anxiety. And you will get some exercise lol... I don't have steps in my house, but still need to exercise. Just lazy.

 

On this thyroid medication I'm just a little nauseous. Nothing I can't handle. Just annoying because you can't take any meds for 30-60 minutes until after you take this medicine. Then I can take my Lexapro and Xanax. So that could be causing it too. I'm used to taking my meds 1st thing, as soon as I wake up, so it might be a little anxiety too which will upset your stomach. I'm also used to eating a banana after I take my Lexapro and Xanax. Have to wait on that now too. So that could be upsetting my stomach. I just need to get used to all of this.

 

I can talk to my fiancé about anything. I'm really lucky. My 2 ex husbands I couldn't talk to them. My fiancé talks to me about everything too. It makes it really nice.

 

You have to listen to your body and Ali. Between you and her, your body will thank you. I talk to Ali, she's great. The mod I talk to the most is Apace41. He's awesome. I wouldn't be where I am without him or any of the other mods.

 

I have Health Anxiety. I obsess about everything. It sounds like that's what you might have. You have to keep your mind off of it. I know it's hard. But I watch QVC. Very quiet and nothing bad. I want to spend money, but then I think don't spend money, save it so we can move home!

 

Hang in there, it does get better. I didn't think it would, but have faith it will.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

Thank you. I hope you’re right. You sound like you follow directions a lot better than I do. You can be proud that you had the patience to taper down correctly. 

[Frogie]

41 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thank you. I hope you’re right. You sound like you follow directions a lot better than I do. You can be proud that you had the patience to taper down correctly. 

I didn't taper correctly. Read my signature. I was a HUGE mess!

 

Ÿou can learn if you just listen to the mods. They really know what they are doing.

[Littlegrandma]

Hi D

i read you upped and then went back down on your beads. I think you did the right thing. Your long window is coming. 

 

I am also very obsessive about this whole process. How can we not be? It’s the first and last thing on my mind everyday. Today, I had somebody else’s health to worry about. And I found my symptoms were less. Didn’t have time to think about myself. Distraction is definitely the key. And I think you’ve been doing a great job....socializing and exercising. Don’t forget breathing and meditating. Change the channel. You are going to be ok. It’s just going to take a little more time to stabilize. Keep working at it. I feel like you’ve come a long way in a short time.     Lg xx

[Kristine]

I've tried to quote that question you asked on RealMe Thread but it's not working....think it's me.  Anyway, repeating my answers to that question is not going to help you in any way.  Or me for that matter....(that's not a criticism for asking) .  I can't tell you what to do D.  I know you want reassurance that the drugs won't help because some of your family members want you to take them.  It is natural to ease our pain in anyway possible. None of us want to suffer.  Did you download and read Will Halls harm reduction guide?...love K xo

[Kristine]

Hey D,  I just re-read what I wrote...I think it sounded harsh and that was not my intention.  I'm sorry if I upset you in any way. These drugs ripped me apart.  I was so drugged a could barely walk.  Sometimes I had to crawl to the bathroom.   I couldn't think.  I would not have been able to write on this forum.  I guess I try not to relive it if possible.  I have answered your questions previously about seroquel and ECT, that was all I was trying to say.  Just expressed myself badly.  Love K xo

[Downbutnotout]

36 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey D,  I just re-read what I wrote...I think it sounded harsh and that was not my intention.  I'm sorry if I upset you in any way. These drugs ripped me apart.  I was so drugged a could barely walk.  Sometimes I had to crawl to the bathroom.   I couldn't think.  I would not have been able to write on this forum.  I guess I try not to relive it if possible.  I have answered your questions previously about seroquel and ECT, that was all I was trying to say.  Just expressed myself badly.  Love K xo

I have a lot of nerve asking you anything. You are such an inspiring person. I can’t believe how you can get through all this. And you have told me what you think. It’s hard when all your kids are begging you to do something. Most of my daughter’s life,  I’ve been on freaking drugs. She’s 37. My other daughter is 41 and my son is 36. I know they’d all give up anything to have their mother feel better. I’ve been on this garbage fo 25 years. Believe it or not I started feeling a little better about an hour ago. I actually ate 2 hostess cupcakes and enjoyed them. I haven’t been able to enjoy any food for 8 months. Not to say hostess cupcakes are real food. I talked to my gf on the phone and was able to have a real conversation. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in 8 months. I’m so sorry forgive me. And you have told me all those things repeatedly. I just want this torment to go away. i don’t want to give in, but I have to be sure it will come back with out artificial garbage in my brain. How could I be so stupid to let it it in in the first place?  And the only one who can make it go away is me. You and all these brave people on this site cannot do it for me. I will not ask you again. I’ve read your thread over and over. When your all better, you should write a book. And I know you will recover. I feel for your son and husband. 

[Kristine]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I have a lot of nerve asking you anything. You are such an inspiring person. I can’t believe how you can get through all this. And you have told me what you think. It’s hard when your kids are begging you to do something. Most of my daughter’s life,  I’ve been on freaking drugs. She’s 37. I’ve been on this garbage fo 25 years. Believe it or not I started feeling a little better about an hour ago. I actually ate 2 hostess cupcakes and enjoyed them. I haven’t been able to enjoy any food for 8 months. Not to say hostess cupcakes are real food. I talked to my gf on the phone and was able to have a real conversation. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in 8 months. I’m so sorry forgive me. And you have told me all those things repeatedly. I just want this torment to go away. And the only one who can make it go away is me. You and all these brave people on this site cannot do it for me. I will not ask you again. I’ve read your thread over and over. When your all better, you should write a book. And I know you will recover. I feel for your son and husband. 

I don't mind answering your questions D...just not the same ones!!! Please, there is no need to apologise. As I said I think I was a bit harsh 😞 I'm a bit of a sensitive soul and my husband went away for work today (two weeks) and my emotions are a little strung...not to mention the drop in Prozac! A mixture of stuff.  This is your life and you have to make the choices that are right for you.  

I have to ask...what is a hostess cupcake? Sounds yummy!

Lol...my husband wants me to write two books...maybe one day! Two seperate subjects unfortunatly. 

Love K xo

[Kristine]

13 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I can’t believe how you can get through all this

Honesty D....sometimes I can't believe it either. One day at a time...K xo

[Downbutnotout]

10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

I don't mind answering your questions D...just not the same ones!!! Please, there is no need to apologise. As I said I think I was a bit harsh 😞 I'm a bit of a sensitive soul and my husband went away for work today (two weeks) and my emotions are a little strung...not to mention the drop in Prozac! A mixture of stuff.  This is your life and you have to make the choices that are right for you.  

I have to ask...what is a hostess cupcake? Sounds yummy!

Lol...my husband wants me to write two books...maybe one day! Two seperate subjects unfortunatly. 

Love K xo

It’s disgusting. It’ chocolate covering, and whipped cream inside. It’s all artificial stuff you’re not supposed to eat. I am apologizing again. You have really inspired me, as you have everyone on this site. I got it now. The psychiatrist I saw is a very well meaning person, and she was trying to tell me how terrific that particular drug would help me. “Why don’t you believe what I’m telling you, our statistics, and how this drug has helped so many.” She also took me off effexor in 2 weeks. Seriously . One week on 75, one on 37, and then nothing. Using the prozac bridge. And I go back and see her. The buspar she gave me did unbelievable things to me. I’m lucky I’m still here. I won’t even tell you how that effected me. IT’s way to scary and embarrassing. It’s a lot worse than what you are describing. I certainly wouldn’t want to repeat that one to anybody. So, I can understand your feelings. 

[Kristine]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

It’s disgusting. It’ chocolate covering, and whipped cream inside. It’s all artificial stuff you’re not supposed to eat.

Lol...chocolate, cream and cake...helloooooo heaven!!!! My son bought me a small individual lemon tart yesterday. Had my appetite back! Oh lord, I savoured every mouthful...mindful eating put into practice! 

 

5 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

You have really inspired me, as you have everyone on this site. I got it now. The psychiatrist I saw is a very well meaning person, and she was trying to tell me how terrific that particular drug would help me. “Why don’t you believe what I’m telling you, our statistics, and how this drug has helped so many.” 

It's strange but I find it very difficult to understand why people find me inspiring.  It's lovely but I think of my life and roll my eyes and shake my head.  Self criticism is a big problem of mine.  As far as the psychs opinion of the drugs....well, you know what I think! K xo

[Downbutnotout]

I don’t know about other people. But I feel like I’ve suffered some substantial  brain damage.  I am always in a very low mood, and i have no patience. I can’t really concentrate on anything but my condition. The only tremor I have is in my eye, and that’s when I upped the trazadone. 

 

I am feeling worn down from all this. I don’t know if the quick cessation from the drugs, years of drug damage or what. I don’t feel like the rest of you on this site because I barely have any times when I feel normal or have “windows”.I’m saying to myself, “why isn’t this improving?” All the wd threads I read show a more definite windows and waves pattern. What does a window feel like? Normalcy?  

 

 I think all this was starting  for me when I stopped the drugs. After buspar, I had  horrible anxiety, mania and aggressive behavior. Although I still have a good deal of anxiety, the mania stopped. I do feel very disgusted about the behavior I displayed at the time. I do know it was a drug reaction, but it’s still horrible. I might have done brain damage at that time. 

 

The other night I felt hopeful for about  two hours, but the whole time I was on this site. That’s the closest I’ve been to a window since the very beginning. I had two distinct ones, I think at the very start. 

 

I’ve tried to go out and socialize, but it takes a huge effort, and it’s very difficult to keep up the pretense. I’m really starting to forget what i was like before. I know I didn’t have to work on feeling content with my life. I could watch TV, read books, concentrate, enjoy food. I could get along with all kinds of people. I am having

 

the emotional distance thing and it isn’t getting any better. I think I was really damaged by cutting myself off these drugs

 

I’m wondering if I should have reinstated on a much higher level, and tried going down from there. I hope I’m not doing permanent damage to my mind by continuing this process at this low level. 

 

When I’ve looked at the wd site, it says if things feel like your original depression, then it’s not a wd problem. This does feel like how I usually experience a depressive episode, but it’s become frightening to me.  I have to fight from laying around in bed. It never occurred to me that I’d done permanent brain damage, like it has now. 

 

Several years ago, 2013, I got off too fast, and the anxiety came 6 months later. At the time, I thought it was a relapse, and I did get back on the effexor. It went away. Now, I’m pretty certain it was the way I cut myself off too fast. 

 

But the problem is the effexor had pooped out on me this  time. I’ve been off the effexor since October 15th . Except for 5 beads. 

 

Can anyone give me some insight on this? Does it sound like wd or just a relapse or continuation of my condition. I can’t tell anymore. 

 

I really am not sure how I should judge what’s going on here, or what I should do? It just doesn’t sound like other people’s stories that I’ve read on here. And I’ve read a lot of them. 

 

Thank you

I just realized I put this on Real Me’s thread. So sorry! - Mod Note:  This post has now been moved to DBNO's Intro

 

Edited February 5, 2018 by ChessieCat
Moved from another member's Intro

[wantrelief]

Hi DBNO,

 

I read your post on RM's thread and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone; we are experiencing very similar symptoms.  I also think the medication I was on "pooped" out on me after a stressful incident.  I did try to increase it initially and aside from a short while in December, have not noticed any improvement. I am now faced with the decision of what to do. I am terrified to taper feeling this way, so unstable, but am not sure there is any other answer.  How I am going to do this though, I do not know as I've never been able to successfully get off of these medications whilst feeling strong and stable.  I am terrified to stay this way but at the same time so scared to do anything. I wanted to reach out to you to let you know that sometimes I read what you write and feel like I could have written the exact same thing so you are not alone on here.

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

17 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hi DBNO,

 

I read your post on RM's thread and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone; we are experiencing very similar symptoms.  I also think the medication I was on "pooped" out on me after a stressful incident.  I did try to increase it initially and aside from a short while in December, have not noticed any improvement. I am now faced with the decision of what to do. I am terrified to taper feeling this way, so unstable, but am not sure there is any other answer.  How I am going to do this though, I do not know as I've never been able to successfully get off of these medications whilst feeling strong and stable.  I am terrified to stay this way but at the same time so scared to do anything. I wanted to reach out to you to let you know that sometimes I read what you write and feel like I could have written the exact same thing so you are not alone on here.

 

 

Oh, thank you so much for answering me. I am only on 5 beads though. And 50 mg of trazadone which is making my eye twitch. I stupidly went back to the psychiatrist who does not get any of this, of course, and gave me a whole myriad of other drugs to choose from. I turned her down. She looked at me like I was a real fool when I told her what i was trying to do. 5 beads. She didn’t understand that my plan was to get off all this stuff. I’m not even sure if I’m having wd symptoms since I don’t have any physical symptoms, but my depression is horrible. I feel absolutely no emotions except fear and a permanent horrible mood. I’m sorry we’re both in the same boat. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It is comforting to know there is someone who feels the same way. However, I am on a much lower dose than you. I don’t know how smart this is. 

[wantrelief]

I know our stories are a little different as I am still on a full dose of Celexa but then have that much more to contemplate tapering off of.  I think the concept of decreasing a medication when you say you are feeling so horrible just goes against what doctors understand.  And, honestly, it is hard for me to wrap my head around it too.  For what it is worth, I think you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms as not everyone has physical symptoms.  It only makes sense given all of the changes your body has gone through with these drugs that it is withdrawal and not you.  I know I feel worse than I ever have before - that is how I know this is caused by the drug. I am glad it is comforting to know there is someone here who feels like you, it is for me too - although I wish we weren't going through it at all.

[Downbutnotout]

I feel like you threw me a bit of a life raft. Celexa made me very suicidal when I tried it about 10 years ago. The psychiatrist offered me lexapro, and then I read it’s a stronger version of celexa. I just don’t think I can take any of these drugs. TMS was my last chance, and it didnt work. I had no motor response that went with the machine. They wanted to try it again Weds. I’m sure it’s not going to work. I’m going to turn it down. I had a pet scan that confirmed there was some blood flow problems up there. It might have messed me up further. It’s kind of like ect. I wish I’d never heard of prozac back in the day. Who knew these people would not warn about side effects. Honestly, I didn’t realize there were really any till the last year. 

[RealMe]

4 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I just realized I put this on Real Me’s thread. So sorry! 

No worries.  I put it on your intro page.  You might want to cut and paste onto your own logo.  Hope you get some relief soon.  My heart hurts for you.

 

Edited February 5, 2018 by ChessieCat
Moved from another member's intro