Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[Frogie]

They sell it for humans. I have some. I don't give it to Brownie. Did you check Amazon? I bought mine at the health food place.

[Frogie]

It says on Amazon "Rescue Remedy Dropper 20ml Bach." That's the heading.

 

Or just type in Rescue Remedy and it will show up in beauty, I think.

[Downbutnotout]

6 hours ago, Frogie said:

It says on Amazon "Rescue Remedy Dropper 20ml Bach." That's the heading.

 

Or just type in Rescue Remedy and it will show up in beauty, I think.

Okay thanks

[Frogie]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Okay thanks

No problem.

 

[Downbutnotout]

I went to spend  time with my aunt. I tried to eat dinner with her. Some woman was running around saying curse words. They said she spit out the medication. ( they were probably giving her an antidepressant) I felt a little better during this period. It is scary. All the people have dementia. I am very worried about getting dementia from all this medicine. I wasn’t thinking about myself. Then I went to a temple service next door. I tried to show emotion. Got rough. I remember when I could enjoy it. All the friends and music. It’s very modern. I’m too worried to relax. 

 

I am really wondering if I should cancel the tms appointment. Has anyone on here ever had tms. I really think they’ll just try to find a motor field which they weren’t ever able to get last time. I really believe there’s been damage to my frontal cortex. I can’t seem to focus . My cortex and forehead area seems to be very unsteady. I’m worried about doing more damage. 

I have read where people with depression have damaged frontal cortex . 

 

Id really like to sue the psychiatrist and hospital. I think they’ve done real damage to me.  What they’re doing to people needs to be brought out. 

[AliG]

Hi D. Sorry you're struggling. This is not an easy process. I have noticed that you have had some improvements but the main overwhelming symptom for you, seems to be the ongoing depression.

 

I had very bad depression in the first 6- 12 months of withdrawal, also. In fact, I have fought depression for many years, even whilst on the drugs ( because, as we know they work so well ).   I don't really experience it much, anymore. I may have a few days of being a little blue, but that's just life and par for the course. It's not even comparable to the "chemical" depression.This has been one of my biggest hurdles to overcome but I seem to be over it now. I believe it was a result of being on and off the drugs, over all those years. My cold turkey, then pushed me over the edge and I had terrible SI as a result. I thought it may stay with me as a long term effect : but it has pretty much evaporated over time. It has also taken some work in the form of non- drug techniques.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

The quote below, is what I wrote in my thread at about 6 months off C/T the last and final antidepressant ~

 

Don't ask what a day looks like. It can be a very dark place!  Doing it tough " in the trenches ", a day ( depressed) looks like a black screen with nothing on it .Feeling like each second is an eternity ,with no escape and no end in sight. . Being in a " black hole/ tunnel " where there is nothing, but pain. Minute by minute. Second by second. Hanging on by a thread . If I could do all those " happy" little things at the moment , there wouldn't be a problem .When you get to this dark place it is a  "whole different story ".

 

I only share this with you to show you that what you are experiencing is normal after what you have been through. It's chemical ~ a result of the drugs. You are in withdrawal.

 

 

You are currently on 5 beads and starting to stabilize, even though you updosed to 10 beads, which wasn't successful. You may want to go to 6 beads to see if this makes any appreciable difference to your symptoms. It may or may not. You can only try it and see how you feel. Please keep some notes on your symptoms over the next week, if that's what you decide to do.

 

These links may help with understanding the stabilization process:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/3949-stabilizing-what-does-that-mean/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/4244-after-reinstating-or-updosing-how-long-to-stabilize/

 

Ali

[Downbutnotout]

Are you sure this sounds like withdrawal? I did not feel depressed when I was on antidepressants. It went pretty much away. But at the end of using them, I was wondering if they were working. I was getting angry about things. I was wondering how long they were going to work.

 

After the psychiatrist upped them to 150 mg,  I got very manic. She didn’t even take me down from 150 to 75 as a taper. I just stopped the 150, and went straight to 75. . In tthe meantime I was taking deplin , Vitamin B9, which was making me hyper. So, I don’t know how much damage that did. Plenty I’m sure. 

 

Whether or not that was the placebo effect is what I don’t know. I know effexor worked on anxiety. After i took it, I would calm way down. But I was still depressed. I never felt the anxiety until I went off the drugs super fast several years ago. 

 

Do you think it would be a mistake to try the tms again? I know you cant answer that. I am going to try it on Tuesday. It will probably be a huge letdown because it did not work before. If it does work, I am afraid it might break my brain. TMS stimulates the left frontal cortex if it connects. In my case, I had felt it on the right side, but nothing moved. I am pretty sure it still isn’t going to work. According to an old pet scan there was a problem with blood flow on the left side of my brain, not so much on the right. 

 

I am so desperate to feel better. I had canceled it last week, and decided to give it a try this week. The insurance ends in April.  They were just seeing if they could get a response from the motor threshold. My finger should twitch. Maybe that is making me more anxious. Worrying. I was told if it did work, it might  work on the depression but not the anxiety. So that’s a risk I’m taking. I am again trusting these psychiatrists. That is probably a huge mistake. 

 

.  Last night i felt a little more normal.  It lasted for a couple of hours. I know because I wrote this down. “ Dragged self out of bed to visit Rochel. Felt okay when I was sitting there for a while. Ate dinner with her. Mind still racing. When to two temple services. Nervous. Got home. Watched olympics 9-12:00  Felt okay.” 

 

I hate the trazadone. i knew if I took it I would wake up feeling anxious. I stayed in bed until 11:11. 

 

The only way I can describe how I feel is the word miserable. I wish I could eat. 

 

Also, would it be wrong to try a natural form of an anxiety drug? Someone mentioned something she used called Rescue Remedy. I am afraid to work out because I’m afraid of going manic. I feel anxious right now. 

 

I tried fish oil, magnesium and vitamin D. I think they all made me feel hyper. 

 

I am concerned about the anxiety. It is worse today than the depression. 

[Downbutnotout]

I just read some more about tms::it seems if it does work;the results are temporary. I am very discouraged today

[wantrelief]

Hey D - What do you think about what Ali posted to you about trying 6 beads of Effexor?

[Downbutnotout]

10 hours ago, AliG said:

Hi D. Sorry you're struggling. This is not an easy process. I have noticed that you have had some improvements but the main overwhelming symptom for you, seems to be the ongoing depression.

 

I had very bad depression in the first 6- 12 months of withdrawal, also. In fact, I have fought depression for many years, even whilst on the drugs ( because, as we know they work so well ).   I don't really experience it much, anymore. I may have a few days of being a little blue, but that's just life and par for the course. It's not even comparable to the "chemical" depression.This has been one of my biggest hurdles to overcome but I seem to be over it now. I believe it was a result of being on and off the drugs, over all those years. My cold turkey, then pushed me over the edge and I had terrible SI as a result. I thought it may stay with me as a long term effect : but it has pretty much evaporated over time. It has also taken some work in the form of non- drug techniques.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

 

 

The quote below, is what I wrote in my thread at about 6 months off C/T the last and final antidepressant ~

 

Don't ask what a day looks like. It can be a very dark place!  Doing it tough " in the trenches ", a day ( depressed) looks like a black screen with nothing on it .Feeling like each second is an eternity ,with no escape and no end in sight. . Being in a " black hole/ tunnel " where there is nothing, but pain. Minute by minute. Second by second. Hanging on by a thread . If I could do all those " happy" little things at the moment , there wouldn't be a problem .When you get to this dark place it is a  "whole different story ".

 

I only share this with you to show you that what you are experiencing is normal after what you have been through. It's chemical ~ a result of the drugs. You are in withdrawal.

 

 

You are currently on 5 beads and starting to stabilize, even though you updosed to 10 beads, which wasn't successful. You may want to go to 6 beads to see if this makes any appreciable difference to your symptoms. It may or may not. You can only try it and see how you feel. Please keep some notes on your symptoms over the next week, if that's what you decide to do.

 

These links may help with understanding the stabilization process:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/3949-stabilizing-what-does-that-mean/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/4244-after-reinstating-or-updosing-how-long-to-stabilize/

 

[Downbutnotout]

4 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hey D - What do you think about what Ali posted to you about trying 6 beads of Effexor?

I don’t know. I’ll try it. I am not convinced about anything.

 

This depression is wearing me out. I think if I didn’t have the tms thing ahead of me, I’d be doing a little better. They’d really dismissed me but I asked them to try it again. If I call and cancel, they’ll never try it again. And I’d probably be better off. Do I want them to go in there and manipulate my brain with magnets? After reading about it, I realize If it does work, you have to keep doing it. I read enough people saying they felt good for a couple of months but it didn’t hold up long. It’s probably as dangerous as ect. They will push the ect when I go there and it doesn’t work. They did that the last time. I didn’t need to open this can of worms.  

 

Realizing that I am the one controlling my own misery is not making me feel better about myself. What if I was in control if this depression and am not doing anything about it? Can we just snap out of it?  Meditation ? 

[Kristine]

1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

This depression is wearing me out. I think if I didn’t have the tms thing ahead of me, I’d be doing a little better. They’d really dismissed me but I asked them to try it again. If I call and cancel, they’ll never try it again. And I’d probably be better off. Do I want them to go in there and manipulate my brain with magnets? After reading about it, I realize If it does work, you have to keep doing it. I read enough people saying they felt good for a couple of months but it didn’t hold up long. It’s probably as dangerous as ect. They will push the ect when I go there and it doesn’t work. They did that the last time. I didn’t need to open this can of worms.  

Hey D,  sorry you are struggling...I'm not so good myself.  I've had TMS.  I've had almost every treatment avalible.  It didn't work for me.  From my own experience the answers to alleviating depression can not be found in gimmicks or pills.  It comes from within ourselves.  It is not as dangerous as ECT.  That is also from personal experience. Trust your gut instinct...do what you feels right. Thinking of you. K xo

[Downbutnotout]

15 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey D,  sorry you are struggling...I'm not so good myself.  I've had TMS.  I've had almost every treatment avalible.  It didn't work for me.  From my own experience the answers to alleviating depression can not be found in gimmicks or pills.  It comes from within ourselves.  It is not as dangerous as ECT.  That is also from personal experience. Trust your gut instinct...do what you feels right. Thinking of you. K xo

I read about it. I realize it’s a scam. All this time, I thought it was a sure fire cure till I looked into it further today. I can’t believe you did this too. You’re not kidding about trying absolutely everything. I caved today, gave up and stayed in bed all day. Which is bad because I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well you’ve been my little beacon of hope. 

[Kristine]

4 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

read about it. I realize it’s a scam. All this time, I thought it was a sure fire cure till I looked into it further today. I can’t believe you did this too. You’re not kidding about trying absolutely everything. I caved today, gave up and stayed in bed all day. Which is bad because I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well you’ve been my little beacon of hope.

Everything but a surgical lobotomy!  Staying in bed is not giving up. You are no doubt exhausted.  When I have to stay in bed (to often in fact)...I listen to meditations which focus on my breathing.  Helps with ruminating thoughts which can lead to catastrophizing.  Love K xo

[Downbutnotout]

1 minute ago, Kristine said:

Everything but a surgical lobotomy!  Staying in bed is not giving up. You are no doubt exhausted.  When I have to stay in bed (to often in fact)...I listen to meditations which focus on my breathing.  Helps with ruminating thoughts which can lead to catastrophizing.  Love K xo

 I thought I had a little bit of a window yesterday . But I think I was imagining it. Today was a disaster. 

[Downbutnotout]

10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Everything but a surgical lobotomy!  Staying in bed is not giving up. You are no doubt exhausted.  When I have to stay in bed (to often in fact)...I listen to meditations which focus on my breathing.  Helps with ruminating thoughts which can lead to catastrophizing.  Love K xo

If I listen to meditations it just makes me beat myself up more. 

[Frogie]

Hi D:

 

I read what you wrote on Kristine's thread.

 

You played mahjong. You just couldn't concentrate. That's what these meds do to us. The weekend that we went to my fiancés mom and dads we played a card game like 10 times. His mom and my fiance kept having to tell me how to play it. I got frustrated but stuck with it.

 

You will be fine. It's the evil meds messing with you just like they are me.

 

Keep me posted.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx 

[RealMe]

Hi DownButNotOut,

How are you feeling today?  I read that you had a bit of a window on Saturday.  That is a good sign!

I'm not very good with meditations either.  I don't know why they seem to annoy me more than relax me.  I'm not preaching by any means, but I find that some of the prayers from my childhood tend to comfort me better than other people's meditations.  I think they may make me recall innocent times when I wasn't suffering from anxiety and depression.  Those gentle feelings must be deep in my brain somewhere, and the little prayers call them up.  I hope I didn't offend you by talking about prayers; it's just my form of meditation.

I read that you played mahjong.  That's a complicated game, isn't it?  I've never played it, so I don't know.  The only game I've played recently is "trouble"  with my 6 & 8 year old granddaughters.  Very simple pop-o-matic game.  I also play scrabble online to distract myself.  I watch television every night--which I never used to do--and surf the internet, especially SA, always looking for answers or tools.  A short time ago, I wasn't able to read, but lately I've been reading quite a bit, all books on recovering from depression and withdrawal from psychiatric drugs.

Thinking about you, and hoping you are doing ok.

RM

[Downbutnotout]

2 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Hi DownButNotOut,

How are you feeling today?  I read that you had a bit of a window on Saturday.  That is a good sign!

I'm not very good with meditations either.  I don't know why they seem to annoy me more than relax me.  I'm not preaching by any means, but I find that some of the prayers from my childhood tend to comfort me better than other people's meditations.  I think they may make me recall innocent times when I wasn't suffering from anxiety and depression.  Those gentle feelings must be deep in my brain somewhere, and the little prayers call them up.  I hope I didn't offend you by talking about prayers; it's just my form of meditation.

I read that you played mahjong.  That's a complicated game, isn't it?  I've never played it, so I don't know.  The only game I've played recently is "trouble"  with my 6 & 8 year old granddaughters.  Very simple pop-o-matic game.  I also play scrabble online to distract myself.  I watch television every night--which I never used to do--and surf the internet, especially SA, always looking for answers or tools.  A short time ago, I wasn't able to read, but lately I've been reading quite a bit, all books on recovering from depression and withdrawal from psychiatric drugs.

Thinking about you, and hoping you are doing ok.

RM

[Downbutnotout]

I am retrying tms tomorrow which is stupid. From what I read, it’s a scam and I know that too. Before, when I tried it, I thought it was going to work. I have to make sure they can’t find my motor threshold. I hope they can’t find it, so I can put this behind me. Kristine tried it and said it didn’t help her. I’ve gotten pretty desperate. I am in a classic severe depression. (There really is such a thing.)!It might have been different if I’d gotten off the Effexor properly. My husband thinks I’m stupid to be trying it again, and risking what’s left of my brain. I think the dr knows it’s a waste of time but he is curious since this doesn’t usually happen. (No motor threshold.) I’m worried it might cause brain damage. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this depression. If there was a drug I thought would help, I’d be first in line. But the choices I was given have caused everyone tremors, tittinitis, and pain.  

 I think doing this might have set me back. All I’ve let them do to me is torture me. Why I’m going back for more, I don’t know. There was probably a reason they couldn’t find my motor threshold the first time. I asked for the redo so I feel I have to go through with it! I have a little voice saying, “maybe this will work.” 

 

Im glad that you are digging your way out if this. You at least show that it can be done. Proper tapering . 

 

Do me a favor, pray for me. Why do you think that would offend me? Prayer is a good thing .  I pray every night for this nightmare to be over. Anyone else? You pray for me snd I’ll pray for you! 

 

I pray that your success continues and you enjoy the visit with your sisters. A visit with my sisters used to make me happy! 

[Downbutnotout]

43 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

46 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Hi DownButNotOut,

How are you feeling today?  I read that you had a bit of a window on Saturday.  That is a good sign!

I'm not very good with meditations either.  I don't know why they seem to annoy me more than relax me.  I'm not preaching by any means, but I find that some of the prayers from my childhood tend to comfort me better than other people's meditations.  I think they may make me recall innocent times when I wasn't suffering from anxiety and depression.  Those gentle feelings must be deep in my brain somewhere, and the little prayers call them up.  I hope I didn't offend you by talking about prayers; it's just my form of meditation.

I read that you played mahjong.  That's a complicated game, isn't it?  I've never played it, so I don't know.  The only game I've played recently is "trouble"  with my 6 & 8 year old granddaughters.  Very simple pop-o-matic game.  I also play scrabble online to distract myself.  I watch television every night--which I never used to do--and surf the internet, especially SA, always looking for answers or tools.  A short time ago, I wasn't able to read, but lately I've been reading quite a bit, all books on recovering from depression and withdrawal from psychiatric drugs.

Thinking about you, and hoping you are doing ok.

RM

I’m glad you can read. That’s something I haven’t been able to do either. ( used to escape). I can’t watch tv either except news. I could watch ice skating last night so maybe that was a good sign? I almost enjoyed it. 

[Downbutnotout]

I am not sure how to post on my own thread. I hope this doesn’t go on anyone else’s thread. I retried the tms. It did not work. Even less reaction than before. I felt it on my right side before, now nothing.   They looked  at me strangely when I said I was on 6 beads of effexor. They psychiatrist did say effexor was tough to get off of, but it should only take a couple of weeks.  He thought 2 weeks was just fine. Of course, he knew I said my psychiatrist had gotten me off in 2 weeks, so he wasn’t going to disagree with her. I guess I really have to cross that off my list. It just isn’t going to work. They did say tms only worked for 1/2 the people who tried it. And didn’t say for how long. There was a woman in the next room who was getting a treatment and complaining she didn’t feel good. At least she could try it. They said I was the 3rd person who didn’t have a motor cortex reaction. So another case of false promises. I lied when they asked me depression questions.at the end. If I’d been honest, they would’ve put me in the hospital. I might have caved and tried ect. 

[Rosetta]

I'm sorry D, that the TMS didn't work.  I'm glad you didn't go in the hospital!

 

[Downbutnotout]

I knew it wouldn’t. It wasn’t a surprise. I guess I just have to figure out this is my life from now on. I just have to figure my way out of it. When I feel like my neurotransmitters are all defunct, this does not help me have much confidence that I ever will feel good again. Kristine said she tried it and it didn’t work for her anyway. I was just hoping. Thank you for responding. Hope you’re doing better. 

[Littlegrandma]

Sorry D. You were on the fence about it anyway. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. 

 

Dont you you have to go everyday for 6 wks?  It could have made things worse. I wish there was a miracle treatment for all of us.   Lg

[Downbutnotout]

22 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Sorry D. You were on the fence about it anyway. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. 

 

Dont you you have to go everyday for 6 wks?  It could have made things worse. I wish there was a miracle treatment for all of us.   Lg

I didn’t care about how many times I had to go. I just want to feel better. I’ll do anything to feel better. Yes, this is very frustrating. Thanks for answering. I guess I finally posted on my very own thread. I knew this was going to happen before I went today. I was hoping for a miracle. I’m glad you see progress. At least I should be happy for other people on here. There are some miracles here and there. 

[Downbutnotout]

6 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I didn’t care about how many times I had to go. I just want to feel better. I’ll do anything to feel better. Yes, this is very frustrating. Thanks for answering. I guess I finally posted on my very own thread. I knew this was going to happen before I went today. I was hoping for a miracle. I’m glad you see progress. At least I should be happy for other people on here. There are some miracles here and there. 

Tonight I went to see my grandson. I tried very hard to care for him. I took a little magnesium. I want so much to change this. I’ve lost my confidence. All this carrying on from the medicine, and being unable to extricate myself from this depression has really messed me up. Maybe these are all problems I had before this happened to me. Before this, I felt more and more independent. Now, I feel like a child. I have to pick myself up. 

[Downbutnotout]

I am now on 6 beads of effexor and 50 mg of trazadone. How do I know this is working? I still am quite depressed. I’m taking a little bit of mag. Am I talking years of getting off this stuff? I am insecure about this whole program. i know people have physical symptoms that wax and wane. I only have anxiety and depression that doesn’t fluctuate that much. How am i to judge this? 

[wantrelief]

2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

My psychiatrist wanted to put me on that nightly and I refused it. Ativan was making me more depressed. Just like you said. At first it felt great, then depression. But I do long for  it because it did make me momentarily happy in the beginning. 

 

I actually got a little hooked on it. I only took it sporadically  for a couple weeks.

Yesterday, I retried tms and it didn’t work. Last night, I wasn’t as depressed. I was actually feeling a little bit normal. Maybe because they were firing my brain with magnets for a half hour  trying to find my motor cortex. Maybe it would’ve worked if my freaking finger would’ve moved. When they do tms, they see if your finger moves do they know how much Magnet power they should give you. I wish I could convince them to give it to me anyway, but I can’t. 

 

I also watched my grandson, and that might have helped. How low is your mood? I looked up your antidepressant at one point. It’s called celexa here. It did not agree with me 10 years ago. It made me very suicidal.  I don’t envy you getting off the klonopin. Good luck ! You are very, very brave. At least  you’re doing things the right way. 

I thought I'd drop by your thread to say hi and to thank you for your kind words.  It sounds like you dodged a bullet with Ativan.  I am sorry about the TMS but maybe you dodged another bullet there too, you never know.  I am glad watching your grandson might have helped your mood....it is good to know that your mood can shift even if it was just a little bit.  

[Downbutnotout]

3 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I thought I'd drop by your thread to say hi and to thank you for your kind words.  It sounds like you dodged a bullet with Ativan.  I am sorry about the TMS but maybe you dodged another bullet there too, you never know.  I am glad watching your grandson might have helped your mood....it is good to know that your mood can shift even if it was just a little bit.  

It would be nice if we could both recover. Not doing well now, but maybe tomorrow will be better. 

[wantrelief]

I am sorry you aren't doing well now....but you are getting through it and should be proud of yourself for that. I hope tomorrow is a better one for you.

[Downbutnotout]

15 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I am sorry you aren't doing well now....but you are getting through it and should be proud of yourself for that. I hope tomorrow is a better one for you.

You too!

[Rosetta]

On February 13, 2018 at 6:59 PM, Downbutnotout said:

Tonight I went to see my grandson. I tried very hard to care for him. I took a little magnesium. I want so much to change this. I’ve lost my confidence. All this carrying on from the medicine, and being unable to extricate myself from this depression has really messed me up. Maybe these are all problems I had before this happened to me. Before this, I felt more and more independent. Now, I feel like a child. I have to pick myself up. 

I understand your fears.  I feel like such a failure because I can't just do what I want and need to do.  It's lovely that you make the effort to care for your grandson.  He will remember you fondly just the way you are.  My grandmother was depressed.  I realized that long after, but I loved her sooooo much!  Kids accept you how you are, and they forget any failures if you are a grandmother.  I want so much to change, too.  You are changing but it's hard to see right now. --Rosetta

[Downbutnotout]

15 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I understand your fears.  I feel like such a failure because I can't just do what I want and need to do.  It's lovely that you make the effort to care for your grandson.  He will remember you fondly just the way you are.  My grandmother was depressed.  I realized that long after, but I loved her sooooo much!  Kids accept you how you are, and they forget any failures if you are a grandmother.  I want so much to change, too.  You are changing but it's hard to see right now. --Rosetta

Thx Rosetta..you are a lovely person Who is quite giving. I appreciate your kind words. I think you’re making great strides, and I think you will make it. 

[Downbutnotout]

If Ali is out there or an mod or someone who is knowledgeable   will reply to me,  I think adding the 6th bead was a mistake. I am more depressed since adding it. It was really bad today.  I was doing better on 5. What will happen if I just reduce these? Ive been taking 6 for 4 days. I seem to be getting more and more depressed each day. I did have them fiddle with my head trying to find a motor response TMS , 2 days ago. Maybe effexor is not a good thing for me to be putting in my body since it had pooped out. It is giving me bad si ideation today. . I woke up with major anxiety today which I hadn’t felt in a while. After I took the beads, it turned into horrible dangerous depression. ISometimes, that is better, but it never goes away. This is the worst it’s been since I started the beads. I took 1/2 a magnesium tablet and fish oil. That seems to be helping slightly. 

[Marmot]

Hey DBNO,

 

I just wanted to comment on your meditation issue, because I can relate. Long story short, if it's not helping you, put it aside until it does. There's no use in beating yourself up about not meditating - I got stuck in that trap - it just made me feel worse about myself. I ended up replacing it with a gratitude journal because that was more manageable, but I still only do it when I have energy. In other words, gravitate towards things that make you feel better!

 

About the TMS, sorry that it didn't go the way you had hoped. Like Kristine, I also had it. It was unsuccessful for me too and increased my dependency on psychiatry because I was going daily and the fancy equipment really had me breathing the belief that my brain was flawed. That being said, the stats seem to say that it works for around half of people - I guess now we know which half we're in.

 

I hope that a mod drops by to help with your beads question.

 

Cheers,

Marmot