Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[Kostas]

You are quite right with the lower WBC count, on these drugs Kristin. 

I was on 20 mg citalopram, and my count fallen from 5.500 to 3.700 within 2 years! 

 

People have to be very careful about it. 

[Downbutnotout]

On 1/6/2018 at 12:01 PM, AliG said:

Hi DBNO. Please just stay the course for now. It's only been about 11 days, which is still early and after all the chaos, it is sounding like you are starting to make some progress. Of course you are going to have windows and waves and that's very normal in withdrawal. 

 

These drugs are powerful and 5 beads has an impact ~ remember when you first tried them, again?

 

I would be looking now to: stabilize for a good while and pursuing/ learning non - drug coping techniques. They are the way off the drugs, long - term. Have a look through Symptoms and Self - Care.

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

After stabilizing, you would gently taper off at the recommended rate - 10 %

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Are you sure I shouldn’t try upping it. I am making some progress, but my anxiety is constant . Like a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am looking forward to going to sleep every night. That’s where I get some relief.  Not always. It’s better than it was, but how do I really know it’s Working?  I can’t relax. Do my symptoms ring true for withdrawal? I am having trouble eating. I’m scared if the food hyping Me up. 

 

I am attempting a yoga class tomorrow although it’s not one if my favorite things. I always liked high energy exercise but now I’m afraid of any if it because I’m afraid it’s  going to hype me up. 

 

Ive turned into such a scardy cat. I was never like this before. I wasn’t afraid if anything before. 

 

So Sorry to bother you. I’m sorry for your loss of your relative. 

[JanCarol]

Hey DBNO - 

 

I just wanted to say hello to a fellow Buckeye.

 

I was born in Cincinnati, and still have rellies in Columbus & Springfield.  ("rellie" is Australian for relative)

 

I was in Columbus earlier this year for a concert at Fraze Pavilion!

 

I haven't read your thread - there's more here than this slow mind can absorb - but - You are in a state of destabilisation.

 

When you start taking the same things at the same times every day, you will start to stabilise.  Keep things low to the ground (mind the stress) and plan on not making any changes for at least 3 months.

 

Even if you stabilise into deep abiding depression - that's stable (I tapered from a point of deep depression - because I said, "I'm unhappy on the drugs, I can be unhappy off of the drugs.")

 

You can do this, too.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

[Kristine]

2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Aw, thanks K. Everyone likes you. You have the right attitude. I know you’d give me some of it if you could. 

Hi D,  Thank you and we are all here to support each other, as Frogie said.  I look back before I joined SA and I felt so alone, frightened and angry.  I had reached breaking point.  I think it is important for you to realise that I don't walk around with a positive attitude all the time.  Far from it.  I cry, get angry, feel sorry for myself, lash out at my family (then apologise), feel overwhelmed, feel isolated, unsure of myself, self-critical ect ect ect.....but what I've learnt over the years is that these are only feelings and thoughts and do not reflect the core of who I am.  Also these moments in time are only temporary. It will pass...everything in life is constantly changing.  All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, learn what we can along the way, put what we learn into practice and the rest will slowly start to fall into place.  But we are not walking along a strait path D....I think it's like walking the Kokoda Track...extremely difficult, exhausting and full of unknowns.  You can get through this D, because we are all walking this path together. Take care. K

[Downbutnotout]

I hope so. 

[Downbutnotout]

9 hours ago, JanCarol said:

Hey DBNO - 

 

I just wanted to say hello to a fellow Buckeye.

 

I was born in Cincinnati, and still have rellies in Columbus & Springfield.  ("rellie" is Australian for relative)

 

I was in Columbus earlier this year for a concert at Fraze Pavilion!

 

I haven't read your thread - there's more here than this slow mind can absorb - but - You are in a state of destabilisation.

 

When you start taking the same things at the same times every day, you will start to stabilise.  Keep things low to the ground (mind the stress) and plan on not making any changes for at least 3 months.

 

Even if you stabilise into deep abiding depression - that's stable (I tapered from a point of deep depression - because I said, "I'm unhappy on the drugs, I can be unhappy off of the drugs.")

 

You can do this, too.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

Thanks. You’re in Australia? I’ve read your thread. It’s very inspiring. Three months? I won’t see the sun today. If I ever get out if this depression I will go to Australia and meet all of you. 

[Littlegrandma]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I hope so. 

Nicely said Kristine. 

 

How are are you doing today D?

are you able to get out and enjoy some time with your son?

i hope so!!    Lg

[Downbutnotout]

How are you lg? I hope you can have a less physically taxing day. I better get out. 

[Littlegrandma]

11 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

How are you lg? I hope you can have a less physically taxing day. I better get out. 

Much better today, D. Thanks for asking. 

Yesterday I wasn’t so sure I’d survive, but today all symptoms have lessened. It’s a godsend. Not my norm. Not excellent. But, oh so much better. So hang in there, D. You will have a window soon. And yes. Try to get out. Easier said than done, but when I force myself, I’m better for it. 

Enjoy your son!  xx Lg

[Downbutnotout]

Thats great!  I’m forcing myself out to lunch. I’m glad your symptoms are better. 

[Littlegrandma]

8 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thats great!  I’m forcing myself out to lunch. I’m glad your symptoms are better. 

Thanks D

enjoy your lunch!!

[Downbutnotout]

I am having a really hard time with the depression right now. My husband was massaging my head before. I wonder if he activated something. I can barely get out of bed. I’m so distraught. 

[Downbutnotout]

13 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hi D,  Thank you and we are all here to support each other, as Frogie said.  I look back before I joined SA and I felt so alone, frightened and angry.  I had reached breaking point.  I think it is important for you to realise that I don't walk around with a positive attitude all the time.  Far from it.  I cry, get angry, feel sorry for myself, lash out at my family (then apologise), feel overwhelmed, feel isolated, unsure of myself, self-critical ect ect ect.....but what I've learnt over the years is that these are only feelings and thoughts and do not reflect the core of who I am.  Also these moments in time are only temporary. It will pass...everything in life is constantly changing.  All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, learn what we can along the way, put what we learn into practice and the rest will slowly start to fall into place.  But we are not walking along a strait path D....I think it's like walking the Kokoda Track...extremely difficult, exhausting and full of unknowns.  You can get through this D, because we are all walking this path together. Take care. K

Thank you for your response. This is not one of my better days. 

[Frogie]

Hi D:

 

Is it ok if I call you that instead of your whole name. Takes a while to write it out Lol?

 

Just like Kristine said, I have lots of bad days too. I'm having one today. I have akasthisia in my knees and don't know what to do. I'm going crazy, literally. I want to cut my knees off my body, it's that bad.

 

I scream, cry, have fits. I'm nauseous almost everyday and now I've had headaches since before Christmas as you know. My life is not a bed of roses by any means. But I just try to be positive on here and talk to everyone about my problems, and ask for a lot of help. And I try to help everyone else. We all just need to get through this "he**". And we can do it all together.

 

You will do ok. Again, just put one foot in front of the other. That's all you can do.

 

I hope the rest of your day is better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

13 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Hi D:

 

Is it ok if I call you that instead of your whole name. Takes a while to write it out Lol?

 

Just like Kristine said, I have lots of bad days too. I'm having one today. I have akasthisia in my knees and don't know what to do. I'm going crazy, literally. I want to cut my knees off my body, it's that bad.

 

I scream, cry, have fits. I'm nauseous almost everyday and now I've had headaches since before Christmas as you know. My life is not a bed of roses by any means. But I just try to be positive on here and talk to everyone about my problems, and ask for a lot of help. And I try to help everyone else. We all just need to get through this "he**". And we can do it all together.

 

You will do ok. Again, just put one foot in front of the other. That's all you can do.

 

I hope the rest of your day is better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Those physical symptoms sound so awful. How many times a day to you curse out the doctors who gave you that medicine to help you feel better? How does that akathasia feel like? Have you been to a regular doctor about It? It’s all from withdrawal? You are nauseous  day?

 

 I  went out to lunch, tried to talk to people, and remembered a time when I didn’t have this lousy condition and could talk to them normally. I long to feel that way again.

 

Thanks for your support. I hope your knee stops moving, your headache goes away, an you stop feeling nauseous. I wish I could cry. 

 

Sorry you’re going through he** . . 

You take care too! 

 

 

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Those physical symptoms sound so awful. How many times a day to you curse out the doctors who gave you that medicine to help you feel better? How does that akathasia feel like? Have you been to a regular doctor about It? It’s all from withdrawal? You are nauseous  day?

 

 I  went out to lunch, tried to talk to people, and remembered a time when I didn’t have this lousy condition and could talk to them normally. I long to feel that way again.

 

Thanks for your support. I hope your knee stops moving, your headache goes away, an you stop feeling nauseous. I wish I could cry. 

 

Sorry you’re going through he** . . 

You take care too! 

 

 

I curse them a lot, mostly in my mind. Sometimes I talk to my fiancé about it. He gets tired of listening to me, bu he is the only person I have to talk too.

 

The akasthisia feels like something crawling inside my knees wanting out. It's awful. I've never had it before. It's a new symptom, so hopefully it won't last long. I haven't been to my dr. He will just say it's WD.

 

Thats great you went out to lunch and talked to people. That's a huge step! You will feel it again. That's what I tell myself.

 

I hear that some people can't cry. I've never had that problem. I cry a lot like a sissy. I'm all alone, except for my 16 year old chihuahua, Brownie. I talk about her a lot. She is my everything.

 

Thanks... I hope my knees stop, and headaches too. I have had nausea since I started tapering. It's horrible. It doesn't last all day, thank goodness.

 

I hope you have a better day.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

My son talked to me, and told me I have to let go of the anger. How am I going to do that? He also said I’ve had depression all his life and I have to learn to manage it. Well, yeah. I have to manage it. One way I thought I was managing it was by using drugs. Guess that didn’t work. It was only 75 mg of effexor, and 50 mg of trazadone. I thought it was working. Now I’m really angry about what these drugs did to me. I was really being proactive, I thought. Going to the doctor, counseling, and trying to work through it. It didn’t work. Now, what do I do? I cannot lay down and die although that’s what I’ve flirted with. But something in me resisted turning into a zombie. I may have some fight left in me after all. I just wish my real self could fight through this. 

 

That akathesia sounds like something they should put the ceos of the drug companie in the pentitentiary for. What kind of thing is that to do to someone? How terrible. Headaches are bad enough. 

 

 

Anyone have suggestions on how to get rid of anger. My son has that right. He’s telling me they were only trying to help me. 

[nz11]

Dbno is there a reason why you must keep quoting people and saying nothing or then wait till the next post to say something.

i don’t understand why you are doing this.

[Downbutnotout]

30 minutes ago, nz11 said:

Dbno is there a reason why you must keep quoting people and saying nothing or then wait till the next post to say something.

i don’t understand why you are doing this.

 I will try to watch this. Tell me how to delete a post also please. I know I did it again. 

[JanCarol]

Hey D - 

 

14 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Three months?

 

 I was depressed for 30 years.  3 months is now my "minimum time."  In other words, if I'm depressed for 3 months, and can't seem to shift it - then I guess I'll consider seeking help.

 

Thing is - it hasn't happened.  It seems that there's always something I can do to shift it, even a little bit.

 

14 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I won’t see the sun today.

 

I know it's winter there - but is this a refusal?  Did you know that if you go outside and there's nothing but layers and layers of clouds - you are still "seeing the sun?"

 

I know how unrelenting the grayness of winter is in the Midwest.  It's something that I was grateful to escape.  But now, that I live in perpetual sunight - I find that Winter there happens at the same time as Summer here.  And you know what?  Aussie huddle inside in Summer the way that Midwesterners do in Winter.  We "hide" from the sun and it's just as unhealthy!

Test your comfort zone.  Go outside.  Look at the horizon (looking at the horizon is a healthy practice, too), see if you can notice shadows and brightness, see if you can see places where the sun is brighter than others.  Watch a sunset, even if the sky is filled with clouds.

Seriously - there are things you can do about depression, that nobody has told you about.  People tried to tell me about them, but when I was in deep depression I didn't believe them.

 

For you I prescribe:
 

 

 

If doing this once shifts your mood just a little bit - imagine what it can do if you do it every day!

 

It's less than 10 minutes long - so no excuses!

 

And - I hope you see the sun today!  (REALLY)

[Downbutnotout]

44 minutes ago, JanCarol said:

Hey D - 

 

 

 I was depressed for 30 years.  3 months is now my "minimum time."  In other words, if I'm depressed for 3 months, and can't seem to shift it - then I guess I'll consider seeking help.

 

Thing is - it hasn't happened.  It seems that there's always something I can do to shift it, even a little bit.

 

 

I know it's winter there - but is this a refusal?  Did you know that if you go outside and there's nothing but layers and layers of clouds - you are still "seeing the sun?"

 

I know how unrelenting the grayness of winter is in the Midwest.  It's something that I was grateful to escape.  But now, that I live in perpetual sunight - I find that Winter there happens at the same time as Summer here.  And you know what?  Aussie huddle inside in Summer the way that Midwesterners do in Winter.  We "hide" from the sun and it's just as unhealthy!

Test your comfort zone.  Go outside.  Look at the horizon (looking at the horizon is a healthy practice, too), see if you can notice shadows and brightness, see if you can see places where the sun is brighter than others.  Watch a sunset, even if the sky is filled with clouds.

Seriously - there are things you can do about depression, that nobody has told you about.  People tried to tell me about them, but when I was in deep depression I didn't believe them.

 

For you I prescribe:
 

 

 

If doing this once shifts your mood just a little bit - imagine what it can do if you do it every day!

 

It's less than 10 minutes long - so no excuses!

 

And - I hope you see the sun today!  (REALLY)

I could take depression, but I had some other problems going on today. You’ve heard about your life flashing before you before you die? Well, I had a lot of my life going at once when I tried to go to sleep. A lot of stuff playing out at once. My childhood, my kids childhoods, bad job experiences, my father’s suicide.  All at one time. I took the trazadone and it slowed down. I also got up to look at this website.  Does that sound like healing  to you? I’m seriously asking. Did anything like this ever happen to you? It’s scaring me a lot. I took this stuff for 25 years. Maybe I’m just panicking.  This has happened on 2 other occasions, but not so many things at once. I know there’s the video with the dice, and the rubics cube. I will follow your suggestions tomorrow. Thanks for going to the trouble to put this up there.  I really appreciate it.  I started it, but couldn’t finish it. Tomorrow. 

[FarmGirlWorks]

I love this, JanCarol:

42 minutes ago, JanCarol said:

Test your comfort zone.  Go outside.  Look at the horizon (looking at the horizon is a healthy practice, too), see if you can notice shadows and brightness, see if you can see places where the sun is brighter than others.  Watch a sunset, even if the sky is filled with clouds.

 

Here in Seattle where the winter is perpetual drizzle in a gloomy haze of clouds and darkness (really, it is way worse than it sounds), I count the different shades of grey -- warm greys, cool greys, backlit grey of the sky, the grey of wet cement... turns out there are a lot of greys.

 

And, good thoughts being sent your way, DownButNotOut. This is a crazy hell.

[Downbutnotout]

10 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

I love this, JanCarol:

 

Here in Seattle where the winter is perpetual drizzle in a gloomy haze of clouds and darkness (really, it is way worse than it sounds), I count the different shades of grey -- warm greys, cool greys, backlit grey of the sky, the grey of wet cement... turns out there are a lot of greys.

 

And, good thoughts being sent your way, DownButNotOut. This is a crazy hell.

I agree. I  hope you’re having a better time than me. There’s always tomorrow. 

[JanCarol]

But @FarmGirlWorks - you are observing.  That's the beginning of seeing the sun.

 

It was the same in Indiana - from November through March, heavy cloudy haze - and even sometimes in August, that hot humid hazy hanging weather.

 

But - getting light under clouds - I've forgotten the lumens - is still far better than the light inside the house.

 

The house is about 100 lumens, outside in full sunlight is 10,000 lumens.

Outside under clouds is still 3000 lumens - so - it's better to go outside than not!  Even when it's gloomy (and I hear that Pacific Northwest tops the charts for "gloom!")

Edited January 10, 2018 by JanCarol

[Downbutnotout]

ive been on the 5 beads since dec 26. I have terrible anxiety in the morning. Terrible depression. ad the day goes on sometimes I feel a little better. I can sleep. Today is very bad. I need some support. A kind word would be very helpful. I’m going to go to a counselor today.  I do appreciate the support I’ve gotten from people on here. I just need some really big time today. My head still feels light, and I do get up with terrible anxiety every day. Is this withdrawal or something else?  I am meditating.

[Littlegrandma]

Hi D

sorry you’re feeling down today. But the fact that you sometimes feel better as the day goes on, shows you might be stabilizing. That’s good. It’s only been 3 wks, which I’m sure feels like 3 yrs. 

I know how rough this all is. 

Is your son still with you?  I hope you’ve had some quality time with him. 

 

Good luck with the counselor today. It’ll be nice to have someone to share this with face to face. I hope you chose someone who recognizes WD. What time is your appt?  Let us now how it goes

 

Lg

[Downbutnotout]

Thanks little grandma! It’s the same counselor I’ve had. She was respecting my wishes not to talk about drugs as a solution. She does believe that I am sensitive to drugs. She told me of her client who felt great on lexapro. That’s after I asked her what she thought about what I was doing. I told her there a people who got akathasia. She never heard of it.  .She gave me the standard advise: try to be positive, don’t reinforce the neural pathways by being negative, eat every 4 hours, gave me a list of foods to eat.  What can she do? She told me to be kind. All things I know. I wish I felt better. I really have to follow her suggestions. I have to stop this. I did go for a walk today around the block. I wish there was someone around here who understood the concept of withdrawal. I need to stay strong. I am just so tired of feeling so miserable, and thinking theres a quick solution. I felt a little better last night for a little while. But it’s hard to remember now. 

[Frogie]

6 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

She let me know she had a client who tried lexapro and told me she never felt so good in her life. I tried to tell her about withdrawal and she said she d been doing this for 36 years and never had a client go through what I went through but she believes me. I told her there are several people on this website who’ve had terrible akathanisa from lexapro. She didn’t even know what that was. Then, she told me she’d respect my wishes to go off medicine. She did give me some good suggestions. Stop talking about how terrible things are, give gratitude several times a day, mediatate, pay attention to what’s going on, eat every 3 hours,. 

Hi:

 

I'm glad you got a therapist that will respect your wishes on getting off the meds. That's hard to find.

 

Like I said, my therapist wants me to come up with 5 things to be greatful for everyday. I can't come up with 5, but I do come up with a couple.

 

I try to not think about how terrible things are. Sometimes it's hard to do. But I always try to be positive on the forum.

 

Eat every 3 hours? Did she tell you why? I'm just curious.

 

I'm glad it went well for you.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

Tell me Frogie again how lexapro has made you sick, and never helped you feel good. She said every 3-4 hours so my blood sugar won’t get low. It was just out of the blue that she used that example. How are  you today? Do you ever have doubts about the path you’re taking? You’ve done it so consistently. Maybe because you’re a math kind of person.  

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Tell me Frogie again how lexapro has made you sick, and never helped you feel good. She said every 3-4 hours so my blood sugar won’t get low. It was just out of the blue that she used that example. How are  you today? 

I felt fine on Lexapro for a long time until I decided I wanted to get off of it because I wasn't depressed anymore. So I cut my dose in 1/2 one day and that's when I started getting sick. My nausea now comes and goes.

 

I was fine all day. I ate my banana this morning. Then I got on my iPad and started getting a headache, so I ate some toast and took 1 ibuprofen and now I'm nauseous. I don't know if it's my glasses, the iPad or being at 2.5mg Lexapro that's giving me headaches. I'm a mess. And I still wake up with akasthisia in my knees. I sleep fine but I wake up with it?

 

That does make sense eating every 3 hours. Maybe I should try that. Maybe I wouldn't be nauseous.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Littlegrandma]

D

i haven’t seen a dr who believes in wd, with the exception of my GP. He said he has many patients that have gone on and come off lexapro without a problem. He thinks I am sensitive to it and that I should come off slow, like a year or 2. 

 

Shep sent me me a link about low carb diet. I can’t find it right now. I accidentally erased all the good links I sent to myself. But it recommended eating small healthy snacks more often.  Low carb. No sugar. Some examples were hummus, apple , yogurt, hard boiled egg, cheese stick, banana. 

My blood sugar was high even though I cut out all processed sugar. I was using orange juice in my smoothies. I started using rice milk, kefir, tart cherry juice with a little oj.   I started eating this way and had blood retested, blood sugar was normal. 

 

Im glad the therapist is respecting your wishes. I was seeing a gal recently, I loved as a person, but she didn’t believe in wd. She believed I would need meds for the rest of my life. And she kept pushing me to see this psychiatrist who wanted me to start seroquel and ability. I gave them both the heave ho. 

 

The problem I’ve run into, the doctors don’t believe in wd and they see me in this condition and assume I’m normallly depressed with this anxiety and think I need medication. They don’t understand my anxiety was a walk in the park compared to the anxiety of wd. Does that make sense?  Very foggy today. 

 

Glad and you got out for a walk. My son and girlfriend tried to get me to go to lunch but couldn’t do it. Anxiety high and tinnitus getting worse everyday. 

 

xxLg

[Downbutnotout]

So. Your recent depression is from the withdrawal? I am different from both of you because I was in a major depression when I decided to go off my pills. Basically, because they weren’t working for me.  I am hypersensitive. So, now, I feel that’s out. I am going to the gym. 

[Frogie]

24 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

So. Your recent depression is from the withdrawal? I am different from both of you because I was in a major depression when I decided to go off my pills. Basically, because they weren’t working for me.  I am hypersensitive. So, now, I feel that’s out. I am going to the gym. 

Yes I wasn't depressed on the meds and I'm not depressed now. Just having a lot of WD symptoms. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. That's why I was on the meds in the first place. At least you get out. I stay home, no friends in this stupid little town I live in. No stores, no nothing. I'll be so glad to be home, hopefully the end of the year.

[Littlegrandma]

Good for you going to the gym. I don’t feel well enough. But I just wanted to tell you...,I know a girl who started slipping into depression. Instead of meds, she started a rigorous workout routine and she is doing well. And my brother suffers from anxiety. He also did a rigorous boot camp like training for a year and then took up biking. He’s also doing well. 

 

My intention was to get off these meds and follow in their footsteps. 

Never imagined the hell getting off of them would cause.  Lg

[Frogie]

Just now, Littlegrandma said:

Good for you going to the gym. I don’t feel well enough. But I just wanted to tell you...,I know a girl who started slipping into depression. Instead of meds, she started a rigorous workout routine and she is doing well. And my brother suffers from anxiety. He also did a rigorous boot camp like training for a year and then took up biking. He’s also doing well. 

 

My intention was to get off these meds and follow in their footsteps. 

Never imagined the hell getting off of them would cause.  Lg

LG:

 

Those were my intentions also. Get off the meds and hit the gym to feel better.

 

There are days I can't even get out of my pj's . Pretty sad.

 

I admire you D, you are getting out and hitting the gym!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Littlegrandma]

Hi Frogie 

i think I could go to the gym with anxiety but not with nausea and headache. I started a yoga class with a broken toe. Made it difficult and painful. Excuses excuses. 

  Really tired of being housebound though. Temp reached 60 today but has rained all day. I sat in the garage and watched it. Tomorrow high of 25. 

 

How are are you feeling today? Headache any better? I hope so. And your knees?       Lg xx