Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[AliG]

Hi D. Rumination is not only a common withdrawal symptom but also a very human condition. It seems to be exacerbated during withdrawal. My understanding is, that it is part of the the brain re-wiring and establishing homeostasis. Like the Rubik's cube. It is only one small part of the intricate re- structuring that takes place during this process.

 

This link helps to explain :

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery/

 

This explanation is well worth reading ~ for me,It most accurately portrays the process.

I had it to a large degree ~ the past, that I had previously been able to contain ~ just exploded during withdrawal.

Just try and stay calm ~  roll with all of this ~ it can sometimes go on for a while.You will come out, a stronger person - that's for sure.

 

[Downbutnotout]

It is the most frightening thing that happens to me. It’s like my entire past is colliding together. It’s everything I did wrong. This went way back. It was very big when I woke up. So I have no control over it.I get the feeling people think I’m exaggerating or playing victim. I’m very frightened. I really wish I could snap out if it. Taking the 5 beads did stop it, so I’m on the right track? Last night I did get quite agitated. One if the reasons I did get back on Effexor was because this happened to me before, but this was much worse. 

Aig and staz thank you gir answering. This gives me some hope. 

[Downbutnotout]

2 hours ago, Staz said:

Yes , Big time. All the things I should have said and done. Situations I could have handled better. One instance plays on me more than any other though. We were on holiday in majorca and my son who was 18 months and suffering from chicken pox came out crying onto the balcony where I was sat at about 11pm. I scolded him and told him to go back to bed when all he was looking for was some comfort from his dad. This haunts me still after 20 years and I replay this constantly in my mind at night at times. He doesn't remember but I do and the guilt has become more intense with w/d's.

I wish I had just one incident that plays out on my mind. I don’t even want to start thinking about my kids. Guilt guilt guilt. Kids do forgive you though😊

[Downbutnotout]

2 hours ago, AliG said:

Hi D. Rumination is not only a common withdrawal symptom but also a very human condition. It seems to be exacerbated during withdrawal. My understanding is, that it is part of the the brain re-wiring and establishing homeostasis. Like the Rubik's cube. It is only one small part of the intricate re- structuring that takes place during this process.

 

This link helps to explain :

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery /

 

This explanation is well worth reading ~ for me,It most accurately portrays the process.

I had it to a large degree ~ the past, that I had previously been able to contain ~ just exploded during withdrawal.

Just try and stay calm ~  roll with all of this ~ it can sometimes go on for a while.You will come out, a stronger person - that's for sure.

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

4 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Hi DBNO - I am not a mod and am still on meds but not stable and I have had a major problem with rumination....the thoughts are quite persistent.  I have had the same thoughts as you describe - all of this stuff coming up from the past.  For me it is about stuff that I feel embarrassed or guilty about, things I don't feel I handled well or just uncomfortable things that have happened in my life.  I have read that this is common.  I try to just label them as thoughts as they come up, use the "change the channel" technique, or distract but it can be challenging and distressing for sure.

Thanks. It’s one of my biggest problems. It really came up when I quit the effexor the first time several years ago. That’s why I went running back to it. What’s the change the channel technique? During this depression, I’m also having trouble eating. I have to force myself to eat. It’s ridiculous. I will be happy if I regain my appetite. I am hardly on anything, stupidly, and the appetite problem persists. 

[Downbutnotout]

Is there anyone else who has problems with their appetite. I wish I’d regain mine. It’s so sad. I have to force myself to eat. 

[Frogie]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Is there anyone else who has problems with their appetite. I wish I’d regain mine. It’s so sad. I have to force myself to eat. 

Mine goes in waves. Some days I can't get enough to eat. Then I eat the wrong food, junk food.

But like today, I woke up a little nauseous and have forced myself to eat a banana and some toast. Nothing sounds good for dinner

I hope you regain your appetite soon. Drink protein shakes and things like that.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

3 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Mine goes in waves. Some days I can't get enough to eat. Then I eat the wrong food, junk food.

But like today, I woke up a little nauseous and have forced myself to eat a banana and some toast. Nothing sounds good for dinner

I hope you regain your appetite soon. Drink protein shakes and things like that.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

I used to think it would be great to not want to eat. I don’t feel that way now. I still weigh a lot. I lost about 30 pounds but I really don’t care. I weigh 165, so I was really heavy. I turned down abilify because I saw you can gain weight on it. That’s before I lost all my self control. Yes, I used to know how to make protein shakes. You have a recipe? how old are you? Do you buy this program? Do you think it’s really possible to regain brain function? I want so to believe this can really happen to a 67 year old woman who took effexor for well over 20 years. I just had a psychiatrist call me back that I called a couple of weeks ago. I asked her if there was anyone in town who believed in withdrawing from drugs. I think she thought I was truly crazy. She said, if you get hyper then you shouldn’t use antidepressants. Probably she believes in taking antipsychotics. 

[wantrelief]

5 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thanks. It’s one of my biggest problems. It really came up when I quit the effexor the first time several years ago. That’s why I went running back to it. What’s the change the channel technique? During this depression, I’m also having trouble eating. I have to force myself to eat. It’s ridiculous. I will be happy if I regain my appetite. I am hardly on anything, stupidly, and the appetite problem persists. 

I don't know how to post links but you should be able to find information on "changing the channel" in the self-care section.  Basically when a distressing thought arises, you try to switch it to a more pleasant thought.  Losing your appetite is very common as well. I've had this happen lots of times.  This time around, I have an appetite but no food actually sounds appealing or tastes very good - I am just eating because I know I need to eat.  It is good that you are forcing yourself to eat - low blood sugar just compounds our problems.

[Frogie]

3 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I used to think it would be great to not want to eat. I don’t feel that way now. I still weigh a lot. I lost about 30 pounds but I really don’t care. I weigh 165, so I was really heavy. I turned down abilify because I saw you can gain weight on it. That’s before I lost all my self control. 

That's not good to lose 30 pounds. Maybe you need to talk to a nutritionist about what you could eat when you aren't hungry.

My dr told me to drink those drinks like Ensure and eat pudding, crackers and peanut butter, toast some fruit, soup, things like that.

But you need to eat.

 

[Downbutnotout]

It’s  the last 6 months. My husband is cooking for me. Sad. I am not interested in eating and cooking. Ensure makes me ill I am eating some. Just not enjoying it at all 

[Frogie]

16 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

It’s  the last 6 months. My husband is cooking for me. Sad. I am not interested in eating and cooking. Ensure makes me ill I am eating some. Just not enjoying it at all 

I'm glad to hear that you are eating some.

Just try to eat protein and snack throughout the day. 

[Downbutnotout]

Thanks Frogie. I used to love eating. I miss that a lot. 

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Thanks Frogie. I used to love eating. I miss that a lot. 

You will regain your eating. I go through phases that I have to force myself to eat.

 

Good luck!

[Downbutnotout]

I am taking 5 beads of effexor. When should I increase that? And when should I start cutting my 50 mg of trazadone. I am not near to being stable. I go from mania, to suicidal ideation, to low moods. I do think it might be working, but I’m not sure. I’ve had very brief windows. Right now I can watch television, but just the news. 

[Downbutnotout]

Frogie, so it’s been a symptom of your depression? 

[Frogie]

4 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Frogie, so it’s been a symptom of your depression? 

Off and on yes. But I get a lot of nausea, so I have to force myself to eat. My problem is I haven't lost any weight.

[Downbutnotout]

36 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I don't know how to post links but you should be able to find information on "changing the channel" in the self-care section.  Basically when a distressing thought arises, you try to switch it to a more pleasant thought.  Losing your appetite is very common as well. I've had this happen lots of times.  This time around, I have an appetite but no food actually sounds appealing or tastes very good - I am just eating because I know I need to eat.  It is good that you are forcing yourself to eat - low blood sugar just compounds our problems.

So, oh think it’s from the depression? How are you handling the depression? I tried Zoloft after i went off effexor and it made me hyper. That was probably the effect of me going off the effexor so fast on my own. I really regret doing that every day. I didn’t research it enough. I wish I would’ve found this site, but I probably would’ve disregarded it. Are you committed to this process? Do you see improvements? 

[Downbutnotout]

11 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Off and on yes. But I get a lot of nausea, so I have to force myself to eat. My problem is I haven't lost any weight.

Well, the fact that you care whether or not you lose weight is a good sign!

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

So, oh think it’s from the depression? How are you handling the depression? I tried Zoloft after i went off effexor and it made me hyper. That was probably the effect of me going off the effexor so fast on my own. I really regret doing that every day. I didn’t research it enough. I wish I would’ve found this site, but I probably would’ve disregarded it. Are you committed to this process? Do you see improvements? 

I can't say I'm committed because I've made some big mistakes. Before I found this site, I decided one day to just cut my Lexapro in 1/2. What a nightmare! I was sick for 6 months non-stop. Then, in November I wasn't paying attention and took a 50% reduction. And over Christmas, I was a mess. I was just trying to get through the holidays, without my granddaughter and family except my Uncle and fiancé, and I didn't take my afternoon Xanax for 5-6 days, so my anxiety was ramped up and I was nauseous. Shep helped get me back on track. I woke up with nausea this morning. But it's situational. We are going out of town this weekend and my 16 year old chihuahua can't stay with me. She will be with my Uncle. She's only 10 minutes away from me, so I will go over and feed her and spend time with her. But it won't be the same as her laying next to me. I believe if you follow their instructions, it does work. It was working for me until I messed up. A slow taper and you will make it fine. But you need to go slow and steady. I'm trying again. Take care, Frogie xx

[Frogie]

10 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Well, the fact that you care whether or not you lose weight is a good sign!

I would love to lose weight. But my fiancé and I are going to go on a sensible diet that the dr suggested.

 

I live in a town of 600 people and have no friends. We have lived here almost 5 years. So I sit in my chair all day and do nothing. I have lots of pity parties. Not good.

 

As soon as we get things fixed up, and the mortgage will be paid off this year, my fiancé said we can move home. So, I just have to be patient. But I know I will heal much better around friends and family. And stores. We have an Ace Hardware, a small overpriced grocery store and a gas station with a convienience store. I can't jump in the car and go shopping unless I want to drive 2 1/2 hours. I can drive 16 miles to my dr, a 19 bed hospital, a Safeway (no deli or bakery), 2 dollar stores and a store called Shopko, which is like a very small overpriced Walmart. 

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

Oh, I’m sorry. No wonder you’re depressed. Let’s face it sitting in your chair, and me laying around, isn’t helping us. I am going to start putting in some exercise starting tomorrow. Maybe you should too. Maybe we should encourage each other. 

 

I had a lot of acquaintances and some friends before I had a relapse in June. I was doing pretty well, exercising, going out to lunch, and volunteering. I was making progress. I felt good about myself. 

 

Then, I got brutally fired from a volunteer job that involves all the arts and theaters in Columbus. All over a shirt. I tried to purchase a shirt before I was supposed to, the vendor complained about me, the manager took me aside, I confronted the vendor and threw the bag back at her, he pulled me in his office, said “apologize” like a marine, and the next day they let me go. I never apologized. I acted like a complete fool. I was watching a lot of shows, felt good about the job, etc. I made a total ass out of myself. I wrote a letter lambasting the manager. And fell into a horrible depression. If I was normal, I would’ve just gotten over it. It brought back other incidents where I got fired. Then, the psychiatrist screwed me up with her medication: She raised my effexor to 150 mg, took me off at 75,  convinced me I needed lithium, ( it made me feel like a zombie) gave me lactimil, ( I couldn’t see.) told me I was borderline, bipolar (because I overreacted to the medicine of course, I tried tms (it didn’t work, my thumbs wouldn’t move), and to make me completely crazy gave me buspar. That made me super manic. We ended up with her taking me off effexor in 3 weeks using prozac as a bridge. I tried prozac again, made me hyper, tried upping the trazadone, gave me an eye twitch, and here I am. On 50 mg of trazadone and 5 beads of effexor which they told me to reinstate. And I can’t trust them and their medicine anymore. All’s it’s done is give me grief. I’ve totally lost my self respect, am not myself at all, and have had terrible agitation and awful feelings.  I’ve had lots of times when I’ve fallen into depressions. Apparently, that’s how I cope with problems. I have felt really crazy this time around. I’m not getting any younger. I just wonder, when we’re off the pills, how does the depression resolve? 

 

So that’s my story. Instead of laying in a chair, I’ve been laying in bed. I do go to lunch twice a week, play a game called majong. I was a go getter. I even wrote for a little newspaper till it folded. I had come back, and now i’m Lower than ever. 

 

If I can stabilize, I can try to do more things. Being so crazy, has made me worried about going out of the house. It’s so frustrating. 

 

I will go to my counselor again, and tell her to stop pushing medicine on me. She keeps telling me my neurotransmitters are out of balance. She’s the one who suggested i raise my effexor. 

 

 

 

[Frogie]

5 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

Oh, I’m sorry. No wonder you’re depressed. I had a lot of acquaintances and some friends before I had a relapse in June. I was doing pretty well, exercising, going out to lunch, and volunteering. I was making progress. I felt good about myself. 

 

Then, I got brutally fired from a volunteer job that involves all the arts and theaters in Columbus. All over a shirt. I tried to purchase a shirt before I was supposed to, the vendor complained about me, the manager took me aside, I confronted the vendor and threw the bag back at her, he pulled me in his office, said “apologize” like a marine, and the next day they let me go. I never apologized. I acted like a complete fool. I was watching a lot of shows, felt good about the job, etc. I made a total ass out of myself. I wrote a letter lambasting the manager. And fell into a horrible depression. If I was normal, I would’ve just gotten over it. It brought back other incidents where I got fired. Then, the psychiatrist screwed me up with her medication: She raised my effexor to 150 mg, took me off at 75,  convinced me I needed lithium, ( it made me feel like a zombie) gave me lactimil, ( I couldn’t see.) told me I was borderline, bipolar (because I overreacted to the medicine of course, I tried tms (it didn’t work, my thumbs wouldn’t move), and to make me completely crazy gave me buspar. That made me super manic. We ended up with her taking me off effexor in 3 weeks using prozac as a bridge. I tried prozac again, made me hyper, tried upping the trazadone, gave me an eye twitch, and here I am. On 50 mg of trazadone and 5 beads of effexor which they told me to reinstate. And I can’t trust them and their medicine anymore. All’s it’s done is give me grief. I’ve totally lost my self respect, am not myself at all, and have had terrible agitation and awful feelings.  I’ve had lots of times when I’ve fallen into depressions. Apparently, that’s how I cope with problems. I have felt really crazy this time around. I’m not getting any younger. I just wonder, when we’re off the pills, how does the depression resolve? 

 

So that’s my story. Instead of laying in a chair, I’ve been laying in bed. I do go to lunch twice a week, play a game called majong. I was a go getter. 

I'm really sorry to hear what happened. That's awful. I was a go getter when I lived in my hometown. I worked a full time job and 2 part time jobs. Long story short, I got fired from my job after 11 1/2 years because of my youngest son and boss. Then I fell through some concrete stairs at our apartment complex and have permanent damage to my right hand and left foot, so I'm now on disability. I was a bookkeeper for most of my adult life. I went through a divorce in 1997, and the dr put me on antidepressants. Said it would be easy to go off of them, but not one dr ever did. 20 years later here I am. Read my signature. I was on a lot of different antidepressants, lamictal, diazepam and now I'm on Xanax. I'm making progress. I'm on 2.5mg of Lexapro then I have 3mg of Xanax to go off of. But people tell me if I can get off diazepam, Xanax won't be hard for me. I hope not. I think you have to relearn not to be depressed. As I go down, I find I'm not as depressed as I was. But I go to a great therapist. I know when we get home, I will have my granddaughter, my oldest son, my daughter in law, Uncle and my fiancé with my friends, stores and restaurants I will heal faster and better. As long as I'm out here with corn, wheat, cows and tumbleweeds, yes, tumbleweeds, I won't heal as well. I try to play games on the iPad, but my glasses are wrong and I end up with headaches. So next month I get to go to an actual eye dr and get glasses! Sad when you get excited over something like that. But we will make it. I know people on here that have made it and they are happy and have their old lives back. Just keep good thoughts, and it will be ok. And please follow the mods instructions, they really do know what they are doing. They have been/are going through what we are. But you need to EAT!!! Take care, Frogie xx

[JS11]

Thank you for the topic about ruminating thoughts DBNO, and thank you to all of you who so thoughtfully replied.  My thoughts often feel like they are going about in one of those little hamster wheels.  I was down to 3.75 mgs. of Escitalopram when I started having--can't really call them nightmares, as they were in the day, but horrific.  They became unbearable.  That sent me down the horrible road of additional medications which were supposed to help with those symptoms.   I didn't know any better.  None of us did.  

 

As far as the eating, I had no appetite for some time.  I lost over 40 pounds, but some of it was extra that I had gained because the antidepressants made me eat like a fiend.  I have put back on maybe 10, some of that is because I am not doing much at the moment exercise wise.  It is very difficult to walk with the ice on the ground.  Must do something though as I know it does so help with mood.  

 

Are you close to a Costco?  I drink these Premier Protein Drinks which have only 1mg sugar and 22 grams of protein.  They are fairly tasty.  Come in chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and caramel.  I stick with chocolate.  I know it probably would be like buying gold but watermelon was also a Godsend this summer.  But yes, I lost my appetite for quite a while.  I have gained back 

 

Hope the thoughts have diminished.  

 

take care,

JS

 

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

I don’t even know what a tumbleweed is. My therapist keeps telling me to meditate and chop. I might’ve reached my limit with her. She tells me not to worry about the past because it’s over. I just looked up the last drug the psychiatrist wanted me to take and it works just like buspar that made me crazy. Go figure. 

2 minutes ago, JS11 said:

Thank you for the topic about ruminating thoughts DBNO, and thank you to all of you who so thoughtfully replied.  My thoughts often feel like they are going about in one of those little hamster wheels.  I was down to 3.75 mgs. of Escitalopram when I started having--can't really call them nightmares, as they were in the day, but horrific.  They became unbearable.  That sent me down the horrible road of additional medications which were supposed to help with those symptoms.   I didn't know any better.  None of us did.  

 

As far as the eating, I had no appetite for some time.  I lost over 40 pounds, but some of it was extra that I had gained because the antidepressants made me eat like a fiend.  I have put back on maybe 10, some of that is because I am not doing much at the moment exercise wise.  It is very difficult to walk with the ice on the ground.  Must do something though as I know it does so help with mood.  

 

Are you close to a Costco?  I drink these Premier Protein Drinks which have only 1mg sugar and 22 grams of protein.  They are fairly tasty.  Come in chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and caramel.  I stick with chocolate.  I know it probably would be like buying gold but watermelon was also a Godsend this summer.  But yes, I lost my appetite for quite a while.  I have gained back 

 

Hope the thoughts have diminished.  

 

take care,

JS

 

 

 

Thank you JS. I do go to Costco, so I’ll look for those drinks. I pray that I won’t wake up with those thoughts tomorrow,. IF only I didn’t have to go to sleep and wake up. My mornings are the worst. I used to love to sleep. I did force myself to eat today. If you only knew what a pig I was, you’d be laughing. And food does taste better because I’m off the effexor, but I don’t care.

 

What I have to do is refund meaning in my life. I just don’t feel important. It doesn’t help that my husband does everything and I feel really useless. The poor man has put up with so much.  Last night I had a real rage. Something triggers me on that, and I’m not sure what it is. I guess I should just say, I’m so hopeless. I am just so impatient with myself. I keep waiting for something to abate. But I know there’s not much up there in my head. I’ve actually had my head feel funny. Lightheaded and all that. I feel no control. 

 

I’m a little afraid of exercising like I did  because it makes me manic. 

[JS11]

2 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I don’t even know what a tumbleweed is. My therapist keeps telling me to meditate and chop. I might’ve reached my limit with her. She tells me not to worry about the past because it’s over. I just looked up the last drug the psychiatrist wanted me to take and it works just like buspar that made me crazy. Go figure. 

Thank you JS. I do go to Costco, so I’ll look for those drinks. I pray that I won’t wake up with those thoughts tomorrow,. IF only I didn’t have to go to sleep and wake up. My mornings are the worst. I used to love to sleep. I did force myself to eat today. If you only knew what a pig I was, you’d be laughing. And food does taste better because I’m off the effexor, but I don’t care.

 

What I have to do is refund meaning in my life. I just don’t feel important. It doesn’t help that my husband does everything and I feel really useless. The poor man has put up with so much.  Last night I had a real rage. Something triggers me on that, and I’m not sure what it is. I guess I should just say, I’m so hopeless. I am just so impatient with myself. I keep waiting for something to abate. But I know there’s not much up there in my head. I’ve actually had my head feel funny. Lightheaded and all that. I feel no control. 

 

I’m a little afraid of exercising like I did  because it makes me manic. 

 

[JS11]

Hi DBNO,

I haven't had a chance to respond to your post on my thread, but I will do so later.  For some reason, I am not getting notifications that there is a new post.  I am trying to be better at posting as I so need the support that people are so kind to offer. 

 

I think people want to be helpful, but when you are feeling the kind of terror of which you speak and that I DO know so very well--as many here do--it is difficult to gain any perspective.  And,  If it were so easy to let go of the past, I doubt many therapists, counselors and psychiatrists would be in business.  I try to remember a scene from the Lion KIng where the little witch doctor smacks Simba on the head with his woo-woo stick.  Simba replies, "Hey, what did you do that for."  To which the witch doctor replies, "It is in the past!"  But I fail miserably when the thoughts come rushing in.  

 

I have been on so many different medications.  I was on Buspar and have been on Effexor too.  I am not a moderator or an expert and it is your choice but I would be very careful about adding any additional prescriptions.  My psychiatrist, although lovely, was doing what she was trained to do:  prescribe medication.  In desperation, I finally succumbed.  She is so very good about talking about additional methods of treating depression as well, which is encouraging.  That, and I just refuse to take anything else.   

 

Gotta dash,

will continue later,

xoxo,

JS

 

 

[Downbutnotout]

Buspar really made me crazy. It was horrible. And most people don’t react to it like I did. The psychiatrist wanted me to try vibryiid, and then I read it works just like buspar. (What did she want me to commit murder? ) still can’t believe the Hell I’ve been through, and you too. You have a very impressive drug resume. LOL Seems like you’ve been on them as long as me. What is a crash? Is that when you lose it. Raging, mania, depression?  My main drug all these years was effexor and trazadone. That was it until recently. I am so frustrated. I just want to sleep and wake up like a normal person again. My husband thinks the trazadone is a bag drug for me. He keeps telling me to stop taking it. I tell him I can’t just like that. Although that’s what I did 3 years ago. Just stopped effexor and trazadone in like 3 weeks. I slept great and woke up great. Until 5 months later when I “crashed” or thought I had a relapse. 

 

Yes, maybe I should go to a hypnotist. It’s like my defense mechanisms are not there. I’ve had a good life too. A good husband and children. Why i can’t appreciate that, I can’t understand. If anything happened to my husband, I don’t know what I would do, especially now. 

[JS11]

Hi DBNO,

 

I had some absolutely insane adverse reactions to a couple of medications as well.  On the CDC website, 1 out of the over 55,000 people reporting, became homicidal.  Now there are two.  I also spent 3 days in the E.R. after having a neurotoxic reaction to one dose of an antibiotic.  Had every test and procedure you can possibly imagine, was sent to a neurologist and a cardiologist.  The medical community never did find an answer.  My pharmacist, bless him, told me it was neurotoxicity.  Another rarity.  I  now believe that both of these instances were caused by my rapid taper off Escitalopram and my body becoming sensitized to all medications.  Always have been a sensitive soul. Now just more so.  

 

Yes, crashing is when you go from status quo to all hell breaking loose symptom wise, at least that is my definition. 

 

It is difficult for me to be patient with myself as well.  I think not having a timeline of healing contributes to that difficulty.  It is so individual to the person.  If it were easy, we would all be off of this stuff in no time.  

 

Your husband sounds supportive and I'm sure he only wants what is best for you.  Maybe you can try to educate him with the information on this site.  

 

I do so hope you are able to get some sleep this evening.  Normalcy would be a lovely place to be. My sleep has been very disrupted during this process as well.  

 

take care and I hope you will feel some relief soon.  

JS 

[Downbutnotout]

1 hour ago, JS11 said:

Hi DBNO,

 

I had some absolutely insane adverse reactions to a couple of medications as well.  On the CDC website, 1 out of the over 55,000 people reporting, became homicidal.  Now there are two.  I also spent 3 days in the E.R. after having a neurotoxic reaction to one dose of an antibiotic.  Had every test and procedure you can possibly imagine, was sent to a neurologist and a cardiologist.  The medical community never did find an answer.  My pharmacist, bless him, told me it was neurotoxicity.  Another rarity.  I  now believe that both of these instances were caused by my rapid taper off Escitalopram and my body becoming sensitized to all medications.  Always have been a sensitive soul. Now just more so.  

 

Yes, crashing is when you go from status quo to all hell breaking loose symptom wise, at least that is my definition. 

 

It is difficult for me to be patient with myself as well.  I think not having a timeline of healing contributes to that difficulty.  It is so individual to the person.  If it were easy, we would all be off of this stuff in no time.  

 

Your husband sounds supportive and I'm sure he only wants what is best for you.  Maybe you can try to educate him with the information on this site.  

 

I do so hope you are able to get some sleep this evening.  Normalcy would be a lovely place to be. My sleep has been very disrupted during this process as well.  

 

take care and I hope you will feel some relief soon.  

JS 

Thank you so much. I just had a conversation with my sister asking me why I don’t try more medications. She just doesn’t get it. Everyone thinks I should be a guinea pig, and I’m just not being compliant. She thinks it would be lovely for me to be taking a medicine that put me to sleep for 24 hours a day. Like seroquel or abilify. She also thinks I should go to an endocrinologist. I asked my internist and she said I don’t need one. And to keep trying these medications till I find one that works. 

[JS11]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

Thank you so much. I just had a conversation with my sister asking me why I don’t try more medications. She just doesn’t get it. Everyone thinks I should be a guinea pig, and I’m just not being compliant. 

 

Well, I think that is what we have gotten accustomed to.  I mean, every time you turn on the T.V., there is an ad for a pill.  I used to shun them, then I was grabbing hold for dear life.  I just wanted the pain to go away. I think we all do.  And slowly, I came to believe that what was prescribed could help do that.  

 

And as far as being compliant, I was that way for far too long.  But I always have been stubborn.  I think if we weren't fighters, we wouldn't be here.  Not an easy road, but I have to believe the new and unfamiliar voices I am hearing which are drowning out the familiar ones (e.g. better living through pharmaceuticals) 

 

take care DBNO,

JS

 

[powerback]

10 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Oh, I’m sorry. No wonder you’re depressed. Let’s face it sitting in your chair, and me laying around, isn’t helping us. I am going to start putting in some exercise starting tomorrow. Maybe you should too. Maybe we should encourage each other. 

 

I had a lot of acquaintances and some friends before I had a relapse in June. I was doing pretty well, exercising, going out to lunch, and volunteering. I was making progress. I felt good about myself. 

 

Then, I got brutally fired from a volunteer job that involves all the arts and theaters in Columbus. All over a shirt. I tried to purchase a shirt before I was supposed to, the vendor complained about me, the manager took me aside, I confronted the vendor and threw the bag back at her, he pulled me in his office, said “apologize” like a marine, and the next day they let me go. I never apologized. I acted like a complete fool. I was watching a lot of shows, felt good about the job, etc. I made a total ass out of myself. I wrote a letter lambasting the manager. And fell into a horrible depression. If I was normal, I would’ve just gotten over it. It brought back other incidents where I got fired. Then, the psychiatrist screwed me up with her medication: She raised my effexor to 150 mg, took me off at 75,  convinced me I needed lithium, ( it made me feel like a zombie) gave me lactimil, ( I couldn’t see.) told me I was borderline, bipolar (because I overreacted to the medicine of course, I tried tms (it didn’t work, my thumbs wouldn’t move), and to make me completely crazy gave me buspar. That made me super manic. We ended up with her taking me off effexor in 3 weeks using prozac as a bridge. I tried prozac again, made me hyper, tried upping the trazadone, gave me an eye twitch, and here I am. On 50 mg of trazadone and 5 beads of effexor which they told me to reinstate. And I can’t trust them and their medicine anymore. All’s it’s done is give me grief. I’ve totally lost my self respect, am not myself at all, and have had terrible agitation and awful feelings.  I’ve had lots of times when I’ve fallen into depressions. Apparently, that’s how I cope with problems. I have felt really crazy this time around. I’m not getting any younger. I just wonder, when we’re off the pills, how does the depression resolve? 

 

So that’s my story. Instead of laying in a chair, I’ve been laying in bed. I do go to lunch twice a week, play a game called majong. I was a go getter. I even wrote for a little newspaper till it folded. I had come back, and now i’m Lower than ever. 

 

If I can stabilize, I can try to do more things. Being so crazy, has made me worried about going out of the house. It’s so frustrating. 

 

I will go to my counselor again, and tell her to stop pushing medicine on me. She keeps telling me my neurotransmitters are out of balance. She’s the one who suggested i raise my effexor. 

 

 

 

I will go to my counselor again, and tell her to stop pushing medicine on me. She keeps telling me my neurotransmitters are out of balance. She’s the one who suggested i raise my effexor. 

This infuriates me ,absolute no evidence this person has to claim "neurotransmitters out of balance "  .

 

Sorry your suffering DBNO ,I have the same issues with rumination and rehashing past behaviour so I empathise greatly .

 

[Downbutnotout]

I can’t go that because I’m only reinstating 5 beads. But I want to get off the trazadone but now is probably not the right time. I’m still unstable.,

[Downbutnotout]

I thought I had a window last night. It runs like this. I get insomnia and when I’m in the middle of insomnia  I feel better. I even was reading a book, contacted a friend  online and felt hopeful. This morning I’m back where I was. Meanwhile, I haven’t slept a wink. Does this ring true with anyone 

[Downbutnotout]

5 hours ago, powerback said:

 

Sorry your suffering DBNO ,I have the same issues with rumination and rehashing past behaviour so I empathise greatly .

 

[Downbutnotout]

I’m so sorry you have the same issues too! It’s not fun!