Downbutnotout: Started a bridge to get off effexor

[Downbutnotout]

Frogie, be happy you’re not depressed. It’s awful. If you have control of your mind, you’re doing so well. I used to fight it with effexor and the gym. .. I am very frustrated. I’m going with my son to the movie about tonya Harding. At least I’m fighting it today. It’s so sad. I used to enjoy my life. I guess I have no other choice. 

[Downbutnotout]

40 minutes ago, Frogie said:

LG:

 

Those were my intentions also. Get off the meds and hit the gym to feel better.

 

There are days I can't even get out of my pj's . Pretty sad.

 

I admire you D, you are getting out and hitting the gym!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

[Frogie]

6 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hi Frogie 

i think I could go to the gym with anxiety but not with nausea and headache. I started a yoga class with a broken toe. Made it difficult and painful. Excuses excuses. 

  Really tired of being housebound though. Temp reached 60 today but has rained all day. I sat in the garage and watched it. Tomorrow high of 25. 

 

How are are you feeling today? Headache any better? I hope so. And your knees?       Lg xx

I will answer you over on my thread.

 

[Downbutnotout]

L grandma, you’re not depressed either? Just anxiety from the wd symptoms? I feel a little better. Only 1/2 hour, but better than nothing. 

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

L grandma, you’re not depressed either? Just anxiety from the wd symptoms? I feel a little better. Only 1/2 hour, but better than nothing. 

That's awesome that you made it 1/2 hour! I have a Pilates machine and stationary bike here at the house just staring at me. I just don't have the energy to get out of my chair.

[Downbutnotout]

I didn’t mean to minimize the pain you’re going through. I’m sure it’s awful. I do feel a little better. I hope I can concentrate on the movie. It’s the one about Tonya Harding. I’m trying to act normal for my son. Maybe I’ll have a window. I had a little one last night. I wish I could have a few hours without this anxiety and depression weighing on me. Just a break. With all the medication that psychiatrist started and stopped, she made me progressively worse and worse. Once she raised my effexor to 150 mg, that did it. And the lithium I tried I think finished off any emotional feelings I had. I was trying to get a little serotonin going here with the exercise. 

[Frogie]

23 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

I didn’t mean to minimize the pain you’re going through. I’m sure it’s awful. I do feel a little better. I hope I can concentrate on the movie. It’s the one about Tonya Harding. I’m trying to act normal for my son. Maybe I’ll have a window. I had a little one last night. I wish I could have a few hours without this anxiety and depression weighing on me. Just a break. With all the medication that psychiatrist started and stopped, she made me progressively worse and worse. Once she raised my effexor to 150 mg, that did it. And the lithium I tried I think finished off any emotional feelings I had. I was trying to get a little serotonin going here with the exercise. 

I never thought you were minimizing my pain. I thought it was great that you have the energy to get to the gym. I'm glad you are feeling a little better. I saw that movie advertised about Tonya Harding. You will have to let me know how it is. I know how you feel about the anxiety. I wish I knew how to control it and I could get rid of my Xanax. And I was prescribed Xanax for a medical condition not anxiety, that's what it does to you. I hope you have a huge window. 

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Littlegrandma]

D, that’s a start. You’re sounding more upbeat. 

No. I didn’t really have depression. I had the blahs a lot because, I think, of insomnia. I don’t know. It’s the chicken or the egg thing. What came first? 

I had GAD. Wish I would have dropped the sugar and hit the gym harder before I went on drugs. 

 

Now I suffer depression in WD. Some days it’s crushing. I cry often. Anxiety is tenfold compared to before meds. It’s hard to be positive when you feel so lousy. But I’ve read the success stories. Just so sad that a lot of SA members took drugs that weren’t necessary and now are suffering so. 

[Downbutnotout]

I saw the movie. I tried really hard. i forced myself to eat something from bibipop which is good food `before the movie. One of my symptoms has been my appetite is no good. I have to force  myself to eat. i tried very hard to keep up an appearance in front of my son. Although I can’t feel any emotion, I know I love him. I wish I cold feel it. The movie wasn’t the greatest. It’s about Tonya Harding and how she was a poor girl with a terrible mother and a worse husband.  We all know the story. I am still very concerned that I’m not doing the right thing by just taking 5 beads of this effexor. I  did have a moment after the movie in the car with my husband when I did cry a little. Almost a few real tears. I hope I can sleep tonight, and when I wake up not feel horrible anxiety. I had to wonder if the trazadone I’m taking is harmful. It gives me relief for a few minutes when I go to sleep, but I feel horrible when I wake up. At least I can say I gave it some effort today. 

[Downbutnotout]

Lg In my usual self absorbed style, I did not react to your pain. I’m sorry you had to experience depression through withdrawal. I really did not know that depression was part of wd. I think anxiety is even worse than depression if you want to know the truth. I’m sorry you’re having that too.I’m sorry you are reduced to tears. There’s always tomorrow. 

[Downbutnotout]

Frogie

The movie was interesting, but very sad. Tonya has had a rough life. It was well-done if you like that sort of thing. 

[Littlegrandma]

Hi D

no worries. You didn’t come off that way at all. Hard not to be self absorbed when all you can feel is the torture going on in your brain and body. 

 

Yep. Always hoping for tomorrow. One of these days, it’s going to be a good today. Lg

[Downbutnotout]

Is there anyone else on this site who is reinstating with just A few beads?

[Frogie]

11 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Frogie

The movie was interesting, but very sad. Tonya has had a rough life. It was well-done if you like that sort of thing. 

Thanks D:

 

Maybe I'll wait until it comes out on DVD and rent it. We have a small (and I mean small) movie theater in the next town over. It will take probably a month before the movie comes here.

 

Thanks for the info.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

I’m feeling like giving up. This depression isn’t going to go away with 5 beads. I wish I knew where to go for help. 

[Frogie]

Just now, Downbutnotout said:

I’m feeling like giving up. This depression isn’t going to go away with 5 beads. I wish I knew where to go for help. 

Talk to a mod. They are very helpful.

 

I wish I knew what to do for you.

 

Hang in there.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

Thank you frogie. I just don’t have enough to do. I used to keep busy but I can’t seem to do that now. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I should not have complained. Good suggestion. I think they told me everything they can about trying to get over myself and my depression. I am not feeling good about the 5 beads. I am not just having wd symptoms. But I can’t take the drugs. 

[powerback]

HI DBNO ,when you stop thinking giving up is an option it will clear space in your mind for better things .I  totally get you with the self pity [no judgement ]it can be consuming ,I try take part in life as best I can but today was a day for rest and bed and I accepted that ,nearly everting I watch is triggering but I keep at it and eventually settle on something to relax me .

I don't even let the guilt feeling creep in after not being able to visit my mam on her birthday today  ,I'm too exhausted and that's just the way the day turned out for me .

what would you do if you seen someone else in pain ,you would help them no doubt, today is a day to turn the help to yourself   and have compassion and nurture yourself .

We are all worth it .

PB.

[Downbutnotout]

Yes, I know the self pity is bad. I am trying not to do this. What is your story? Do you have emotions intact? You must be young, if you still have a mom to visit. Thanks for your concern. 

[powerback]

12 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

oYes, I know the self pity is bad. I am trying not to do this. What is your story? Do you have emotions intact? You must be young, if you still have a mom to visit. Thanks for your concern. 

self pitty isn't a totally bad thing ,it just keeps us in a loop of rumination   ,my emotions can be all over the place lately ,the last few weeks I'm getting much more windows in the day but work hard not to get overwhelmed .I had a very bad depressive episode before Christmas ,I even texted a helpline ,wouldn't do anything ,I was just grateful of the connection that day.we can get so overwhelmed .

I'm youngish ,not 40 but a while since I seen 30 lol.

us members do care because we are all in the same boat .this is one place you can be guaranteed you wont be judged ,not that there even is a reason of course .

Be safe . 

[Downbutnotout]

The  other people who are suffering on here do not judge  and that is a good thing .. I’m glad you’re having a lot of windows.  you’re really young .im glad you’re straightening this out now!thanks for your support . It did help !

[Downbutnotout]

2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thank you frogie. I just don’t have enough to do. I used to keep busy but I can’t seem to do that now. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I should not have complained. Good suggestion. I think they told me everything they can about trying to get over myself and my depression. I am not feeling good about the 5 beads. I am not just having wd symptoms. But I can’t take the drugs. 

 

[Frogie]

31 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

 

Hi D:

 

You do a lot more than me. You get out and go to the gym, movies. You are lucky. Like I said, where we live we don't have things to do. So I don't go anywhere except therapy. And I haven't been since before Thanksgiving! I need to go. I am a little nauseous today, I'm wondering if it's the Vitamin E I take. I take it in the morning and a couple hours later I'm nauseous, not bad. I googled it and it says it can cause nausea. Maybe I'll try taking it at bed and see if that helps. But anyways, now I'm complaining. Sorry!!! Can you add a couple of beads, whould that help? Might talk to a mod. I don't know anything about your meds or situation. Hope you are doing ok. I'm just sitting here watching rain/ice pellets coming down. I wish it would snow!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

 I hope lg feels better. Yes, why don’t you try that thing with the vitamin e. That makes sense. I’m very sensitive to vitamins right now, and am afraid to take them. It’s going to do the same thing here with the sleet and the snow. I wish I was in Florida. Thanks for trying to help. Unless my brain regenerates suddenly, I’m in for a long haul .  I’m going to have to work at it. 

[Frogie]

4 minutes ago, Downbutnotout said:

 I hope lg feels better. Yes, why don’t you try that thing with the vitamin e. That makes sense. I’m very sensitive to vitamins right now, and am afraid to take them. It’s going to do the same thing here with the sleet and the snow. I wish I was in Florida. Thanks for trying to help. Unless my brain regenerates suddenly, I’m in for a long haul .  I’m going to have to work at it. 

I hope she does too. She really had a lot of symptoms. I hope they are letting up for her.

 

I might try that. I take Vitamin E because my liver is infiltrated and fatty. They found it on a CT scan. I just don't want to wake up nauseous and be that way all day. Just confused.

 

I finally get to go get me eyes checked a week from Monday! Hopefully it will take care of the blurry vision and headaches!

 

I want snow! I want the seasons to change. It's supposed to rain in the spring not the winter. I love to watch it snow.

 

I hope they can figure out your meds. I think everyone is in for a long haul on here. I still have the rest of my Lexapro to taper and then Xanax. I'll be tapering a while.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

Hi Downbutnotout,

 

So 18 days since your updose?  Do you think it is all worse since you reinstated, and then updosed?  From what I can tell, at a quick glance back a little ways.......I think you might be improving.........even a teeny tiny bit?  And then keep in mind all the changes in the last month or 2 or 3 even?  That you have made with medication/drugs.   I mean others opinions/advice/personal knowledge may vary, but I think you should stay put, with your 5 beads for longer than 17 or 18 days.  Perhaps a whole month at the least before further changes.  Brain remodeling and all.  So I would encourage you to hold longer.

 

That's my 10 cents worth.

Hugs if you want them.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

 

 

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

I’m feeling like giving up. This depression isn’t going to go away with 5 beads. I wish I knew where to go for help. 

 

I believe we were very, very clear that 5 beads was intended to reduce the withdrawal symptoms, not solve your life problems or change your disposition.

 

Exactly what withdrawal symptoms do you have now? How have they changed since you increased to 5 beads?

 

5 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Thank you frogie. I just don’t have enough to do. I used to keep busy but I can’t seem to do that now. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I should not have complained. Good suggestion. I think they told me everything they can about trying to get over myself and my depression. I am not feeling good about the 5 beads. I am not just having wd symptoms. But I can’t take the drugs. 

 

Find something else to do. Volunteer at an animal shelter or join a gardening group. Learn to knit. Get a dog.

 

If you are not suffering withdrawal syndrome, I do not believe we can help you with your depression here. This is not a general mental health site.

[Downbutnotout]

13 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

I believe we were very, very clear that 5 beads was intended to reduce the withdrawal symptoms, not solve your life problems or change your disposition.

 

Exactly what withdrawal symptoms do you have now? How have they changed since you increased to 5 beads?

 

 

Find something else to do. Volunteer at an animal shelter or join a gardening group. Learn to knit. Get a dog.

 

If you are not suffering withdrawal syndrome, I do not believe we can help you with your depression here. This is not a general mental health site.

I’m not sure whether I’m suffering withdrawal or not. I was anxious. I am not as anxious. I had mania. I am not as manic. I wasn’t sleeping. I’m sleeping better.  So I suppose the 5 beads are helping.  I was hoping the depression would abate too.  You’re right. I have to solve that on my own. 

[Altostrata]

Please stop complaining about the 5 beads. They are working. You're causing an uproar over nothing. This is exhausting for the moderators and irritating to me.

 

You may wish to join depressionforums.org to dwell upon your pessimistic inclinations, or you could find a therapist and work on them in real life outside of this site.

[Downbutnotout]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Downbutnotout,

 

So 18 days since your updose?  Do you think it is all worse since you reinstated, and then updosed?  From what I can tell, at a quick glance back a little ways.......I think you might be improving.........even a teeny tiny bit?  And then keep in mind all the changes in the last month or 2 or 3 even?  That you have made with medication/drugs.   I mean others opinions/advice/personal knowledge may vary, but I think you should stay put, with your 5 beads for longer than 17 or 18 days.  Perhaps a whole month at the least before further changes.  Brain remodeling and all.  So I would encourage you to hold longer.

 

That's my 10 cents worth.

Hugs if you want them.

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

 

 

thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it.  Thanks for the hugs. 

[Downbutnotout]

14 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Please stop complaining about the 5 beads. They are working. You're causing an uproar over nothing. This is exhausting for the moderators and irritating to me.

 

You may wish to join depressionforums.org to dwell upon your pessimistic inclinations, or you could find a therapist and work on them in real life outside of this site.

Okay. 

[Rabe]

Hi DBNO,

I am sorry to read your struggles.  I find that the things that have been happening to my mind and body since starting tapering, being put on new drugs, and continuing to taper have been, for me, so difficult to understand and put into some kind of pattern or perspective.  Last two days have been really challenging and I get overwhelmed and lose my footing in all ways because I can't link whats happening to anything else.  For me I have to keep coming back here and keep reading, keep asking questions, keep trying to better understand the withdrawal process that I had no understanding of a few days ago because it is ever changing and unique to each of us so that even if I read something it doesn't seem to apply to me...but I take notes because it may in the future....and I take notes because my mind just isn't working very well.  I am working on accepting the guidelines rather than expecting a concrete 'this is exactly what will be for me' thing.  I have also started a journal that was recommended...journal your meds, symptoms, tapers etc each day and see what comes of it. I am going to take it to my doctor and see if that can help him help me as well...tho no expectations there!  Also, I tend to feel first and think later...dont know if you are the same.  I get lost in my feelings which can be really upending and roller coasters and monsoonish,  and wise mind goes out the window.  I hope that you feel some footing again soon!!!  This is all so challenging!  Take care!

[Frogie]

Hope you are having a good day today.

 

I'm watching football and doing laundry.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Downbutnotout]

56 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Hi DBNO,

I am sorry to read your struggles.  I find that the things that have been happening to my mind and body since starting tapering, being put on new drugs, and continuing to taper have been, for me, so difficult to understand and put into some kind of pattern or perspective.  Last two days have been really challenging and I get overwhelmed and lose my footing in all ways because I can't link whats happening to anything else.  For me I have to keep coming back here and keep reading, keep asking questions, keep trying to better understand the withdrawal process that I had no understanding of a few days ago because it is ever changing and unique to each of us so that even if I read something it doesn't seem to apply to me...but I take notes because it may in the future....and I take notes because my mind just isn't working very well.  I am working on accepting the guidelines rather than expecting a concrete 'this is exactly what will be for me' thing.  I have also started a journal that was recommended...journal your meds, symptoms, tapers etc each day and see what comes of it. I am going to take it to my doctor and see if that can help him help me as well...tho no expectations there!  Also, I tend to feel first and think later...dont know if you are the same.  I get lost in my feelings which can be really upending and roller coasters and monsoonish,  and wise mind goes out the window.  I hope that you feel some footing again soon!!!  This is all so challenging!  Take care!

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. . Sounds like you have your act together. You have some really good suggestions; I am journaling. I see some progress.  I think you will do well. You have a good attitude and a lot of hope. 

[Rabe]

Thank you...I just joined SA last week and feel so lost some days I don't know who I am anymore...but that's why I came here....hoping to find some support, reassurance and guidance.  

I can identify with what you are going through and wanted you to know you are not alone for I have found it a lonely journey and reassuring to know I am not alone.  Though I have been tapering for some time I had no clue what I was doing or what was happening to my mind and body...being here has already helped that but I still struggle and am sure will continue to at times...we all do...and when I am struggling I hope others will continue to reach out to me because I have no other support really..support that is understanding of this...those who do are exTREMEly fortunate!   Past two days were bad and I had little hope...and then today is better.  THAT is the best part...having a calm in the storm...really makes one grateful!!!   I actually asked here if I was going crazy and they said no...that alone was comforting!!    When I signed in it was suggested I  journal  symptoms r/t meds and tapering etc and so I started...I journal daily anyway.  It has helped me as well and maybe will help my doctor...so glad it has helped you!  Keep in touch and contact me anytime.  Blessings! 

[Frogie]

D~

 

I will start a conversation on your thread.

 

I'm glad you are doing better today and feel like talking. That's great!

 

Takd care,

Frogie xx