Sheep Posted June 17, 2020 Author Posted June 17, 2020 ..You're right maybe corona is effecting me, that and climate change. I saw it all coming the moment I heard the news about China (The Netherlands wasn't cautious at all yet every worry I predicted happened because of it), and it was around the time I tried to hurt myself. Oddly enough the fear of corona was one of the things holding me back from doing so. I don't know what's happening to me anymore. First corona made me more numb, unmotivated and careless, then it made me anxious and now it's making me kind of sad. I think a lot of the other issues have to do with how I can't sleep well even when I sleep well due to constant awakenings, which I've had before corona. That said, I'm wondering whether I can still really feel empathy and motivation. I rarely motivated, I have trouble enjoying things. I try so hard to do something everyday but I always ending up wasting most of my time. Everything overwhelms me so quickly ,too. It's hard to focus, my mind can't process info well/remember short term, my mind keeps wandering. It seems like the things that still make me feel tend to relate to myself, as opposed to others. I feel stuck in my head again, a head that never listens to me, shows me stuff I don't want to see and is always stressed out. the worst part is, I got paranoid about the pills again yesterday. Once you notice obvious change in emotion it brings even after stopping, yet doctors even deny that, you start to get crazy when it comes to wondering just what and what isn't something caused by the pills. When you've been victim blamed by your own dad and a doctor, it's hard to trust anything. Someone asked me what was wrong. So I vented about it. Turns out he started taking those pills like, the day before. I might have just ruined someone's life with my paranoia about long term and permanent effects. I removed him from my friends list so I won't bother him even more and so I don't have to confront it. It's hard for me to empathize/sympathize with it beyond the egotistical ''See, It's proof that all I do is bother people and nobody can help''. Luckily, I still feel stuff in my stomach now even though back then it was super numb for a loooooong time ever since taking the pill. I still feel less robotic. I still don't feel like I'm about to fall down at any moment anymore. I must have made progress. I shouldn't let other things take my mind away from those facts.
cleopatra Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 How are you going @Sheep 2nd of April 2020 - 7th of April 2020 Sertraline 50 mg (adverse reaction). 2nd of August 2020 Omega 3 fish oil 1000mg (currently on).
Sheep Posted September 3, 2020 Author Posted September 3, 2020 A lot better than expected, thanks for asking. I genuinely enjoyed a comic book yesterday, could focus on it and didn't need to force myself to continue and tears came out of my eyes without trying. I remember I've felt actual empathy for someone without it being about me. Still no sign of ever feeling of climax during you know what tho. I tried cutting down on my addiction to my phone and distractions in general and it is helping, I feel like I'm less stressed out. It's still not going the way I want it to and I still feel ashamed to be me but it is objectively much better than what it was. I think Corona simply took its toll on me. Either way, save for the sexual stuff I definitely feel like I'm not battling medicine anymore but myself and surroundings again.
cleopatra Posted September 3, 2020 Posted September 3, 2020 @Sheep Great news! Thank you for the update. Have hope that the Anorgasmia will subside in time. I can definitely understand the "ashamed" part, but it went away as soon as I believed that it wasn't my fault. Celebrate the improvements and enjoy having to deal with normal stuff again! Wishing you a speedy recovery. 2nd of April 2020 - 7th of April 2020 Sertraline 50 mg (adverse reaction). 2nd of August 2020 Omega 3 fish oil 1000mg (currently on).
Sheep Posted February 15, 2021 Author Posted February 15, 2021 Bad news..First off, I had 7 ******* eye surgeries in a row because they won't work and risk losing my eyesight forever due to a genetic predisposition. Second, I can't get my eye checkup right now because me and my family caught corona. Third, I've been trying and trying to enjoy or care about anything for a while now but it won't work. I feel like a an emotionless husk. It feels like I'm stuck in purgatory. I can't concentrate, I can't rest. My mind is constantly busy and I feel overwhelmed and or irritated by literally everything. Nothing feels distracting anymore. Sexual symptoms, while they never got better, were even worse the last few times I had tried. None of my passions interest me, I don't even feel like I'm into girls anymore (romantically and sexually) and that has always been a strong deeling pre pssd no matter what. I can't reach that emotional part deep down inside of me I had to dig up since antidepressants at all. It's completely locked away. I'm seriously contemplating suicide (not now though..) and I don't even feel a shred of sadness or concern about it. Please I just want something to reach me. Make me feel like existing is worth it.
Administrator Altostrata Posted February 16, 2021 Administrator Posted February 16, 2021 I'm sorry, Sheep. It sounds like your eye condition is troubling you with tremendous worry, as well as coronavirus. Can you find a counselor to talk to about this? Perhaps have a video chat conversation with your eye doctor about alternatives? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted.
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