Arti: paroxetine 17 years intolerably

[Longroadhome]

Hi @Arti

checking in how are you ? 

[Arti]

Thanks @Longroadhomefor asking 

Bad theese days sleep ist still very Bad. Dont know if this ever can improve

The feeling Changes From Time to Time but i still can Not perceive the sleep or if i sleep 

And a Lot of urinating during the night.

Other things like akathisia, tremor, madness seems to calm down a little more. 

Difficult so say some things improve but the Lack of sleep is difficult to survive 

On some days i can do small things in the garage or garden other days with completely no sleep i sit hours in the kitchen or the whole day with anxiety 

I keep on Fighting 

Hope you are ok !?

[Longroadhome]

On 4/29/2021 at 6:11 PM, Arti said:

Thanks @Longroadhomefor asking 

Bad theese days sleep ist still very Bad. Dont know if this ever can improve

The feeling Changes From Time to Time but i still can Not perceive the sleep or if i sleep 

And a Lot of urinating during the night.

Other things like akathisia, tremor, madness seems to calm down a little more. 

Difficult so say some things improve but the Lack of sleep is difficult to survive 

On some days i can do small things in the garage or garden other days with completely no sleep i sit hours in the kitchen or the whole day with anxiety 

I keep on Fighting 

Hope you are ok !?

Arti that still sounds like small improvements . Are you a tiny bit better than 6 months ago ? 
some months ago you couldn’t do things in the garage at all so there are improvements that you’re probably not aware of. 
keep going 
Are you still tapering your last drug?

 

im holding for a while as I’m moving house next month and other things going on in my life too. 

[Arti]

@Longroadhome i agree  the small improvements but there are worthless without sleep 

Yes compared to six Month ago it is very different but I am Not able to say if it is better because the sleep ist Horror and without nothing Works 

I am at 0,13mg diazepam i tapper very slow in small amounts 

 

Yes do it slow wish the best for the moving this is also a Lot of Stress 

Take care of you! 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

46 minutes ago, Arti said:

@Longroadhome i agree  the small improvements but there are worthless without sleep 

Yes compared to six Month ago it is very different but I am Not able to say if it is better because the sleep ist Horror and without nothing Works 

I am at 0,13mg diazepam i tapper very slow in small amounts 

 

Yes do it slow wish the best for the moving this is also a Lot of Stress 

Take care of you! 

 

 

 you can’t see it but truly you are improving . I’m smiling as I write this . I know your sleep is bad but it will improve I just know it will. Each one of us has a symptom/s that we dislike or frightens us the most . 
keep going Arti keep doing exactly what you’re doing now . 
You are tough 😊

[Hanna72]

Hi @Arti

Checking in to see how you are doing?

[Arti]

Hello @Hanna72 thanks for asking. 

Difficult to say last week i had a few better days with maybe 4 hours broken sleep.

The last days the Horror is back with nearly no perceptible sleep. 

And the days after such nights are very difficult to stand. 

The better days are still terrible but i can endure this and do small things. 

 

I am still alive more ore less but i think sleep Mechanism is damaged forever 

Maybe i can write more Detailed later if i am maybe in better condition 

I think my brain is damaged because the 2,5 years Lack of sleep 

Hope you are ok and your tapper Works !

 

[Hanna72]

Dear @Arti

I am so sorry to hear that you have to endure so much suffering. 

7 hours ago, Arti said:

The better days are still terrible but i can endure this and do small things. 

You are strong and your endurance is an inspiration. I truly believe that you will get better and I will be praying for you.

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

checking in how are you ? 
hope you have seen some improvements 😊

[Arti]

Hello@Longroadhome

Difficult to say i had a Big Trigger 6 weeks ago 

I had an accident in the garage. On a better day i was trying to work something with a Wood milling Machine. I slipped and my thump got into the Machine thank god the Finger was only cracket but the Finger was very torn. And they had to sew 20 stiches unter local anesthesia and i got antibiotics. 

So you can Imagine that all this upset my cns. 

 

The Main Problem is still the sleep this is also the recent for the accident the Lack of sleep Brain doesnt work right.

I think i can say that other things like the akhathisia improve very slow a little

And in generell i notice changes allways different than 2 weeks bevor but cannot say if this is a good or Bad Sign

 

But the sleep and also morning cortisol  is terrible and after such a long Time my body is sick because  of this Lack of sleep. 

 

I am still at 0,1mg diazepam and dont know what to do stay or tapper in small amounts 

 

Hope you doing ok ?

And thanks for asking 

 

[Arti]

Hello i dont know what to do i need really help i think Alto you giving me up because of my stupid 

Things i have done. But please can you give Me answer i dont know what happens and if this is really still withdrawl. My Bad Not perceive sleep has gone i think i am dying or get mad 

What have i done 

 

Stop paroxetine April 2020 at 1,5mg try 3 times reinstate small Doses and thougt can Not tollerate

Stop Dominal february 2021 at 20 mg thougt the Interdose withdrawl made me mad

Accident with Finger at the beginning of june 2021 local anesthesia and amoxilin AB

Last reduction of diazepam 3 weeks ago from 0,1mg to 0,095mg

Last week thyroid blood values and cortisol Level Check all within the range 

I got apointment in november for ultrasonic for thyroid I have a small goiter since 20 years but never had problems and no doctor told me to make investigation 

I have apointment with neurologist in Oktober 

 

I cannot longer believe that this is withdrawl it got worse the sleep ist almost gone i think i sleep 4 hours within one week. And still i can Not perceive a wake up point or cannot detect if i sleep or Not 

Also a Problem is frequently urinating during the night und sexual Sensations in my genital area die whole night so this keeps me away From my Not perceive Bad sleep 

 

weeks or Month ago i thougt all are becoming a little lighter but i was False

I cannot say how i am i See light strokes and point in my eyes. sometimes if i sit i think eyes Fall down and i have Dreams but cannot recognize if eyes Fall down or Not ist a state like narkolepsi for seconds i think after that happens i am very confused and everything got worse 

My body Burns and is so weak für at the same Time agitated i canot closed eyes because i have a inner anxiety to become mad i cannot explain 

 

What can i do should i increase the diazepam back to 0,1 can this small amounts do something 

I have really fear to die every mornig is the pure hell

 

Please can somebody answer i know altostrata you gave me the best advice you could and everything was right. I did many failures and have to say Sorry. I fear for my Life 

[Arti]

Ok i understand 

 

I Wisch all of you all the best !

Healing, Peace, a good Future!

 

Thanks to everyone who wrote in my Thread! 

Thanks for all the encouraging words !

 

Goodbye 

 

[Goosie]

Please stay with us.   I am fighting too.  

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

msybe no one is answering your thread because you haven’t alerted them correctly. 
remember you have to use @  first and then the name. If you do this they will answer. There are many on this site and it’s impossible to catch a thread with no contact. 
it sounds like you’re  in a wave Arti . I have read back on your thread and you are making progress . When in a wave it doesn’t feel like it and can make us feel devastated. 
Don’t  up  the med you need to slowly taper off not back up. We only truly heal when off all medicines . If you keep going up and down it will take longer to heal. 
keep going 

you are healing even if it doesn’t feel like it 

Keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other 

until one day it gets easier x

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

face the day and whatever challenges it brings and one day peace will find you 

take good care 

[ciasim]

You will get better. 

Until then you will have to endure hell. 
What helped me a lot, was to lower my expectations a lot and set small goals. 

"If im 10 % better within 2 months Ill be so grateful". 

This helped me carry on whenever I felt like giving up and loosing faith. 

 

I also want to stress: DONT make ANY changes. What so ever. My saving grace was to stay still for longer periods of time at the same dosage. I think that experience goes for many. Your central nervous system is in turmoil and it needs stability. 
 

You can do this. 

[Erell]

@Arti, you're not alone ❤

This is a big website,  with a lot of members, moderators are people who are going through WD too.

We all do the best we can with this situation.

 

I spent my morning reading Success Stories : no matter how awful this process can be, people do get better, and they even forget how hard it was and go on with their lives !

 

 

I visualise the day when we will be living a very boring life, cherishing every morning ☀️

Edited September 11, 2021 by Erell

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Erell said:

@Arti, you're not alone ❤

This is a big website,  with a lot of members, moderators are people who are going through WD too.

We all do the best we can with this situation.

 

I spent my morning reading Success Stories : no matter how awful this process can be, people do get better, and they even forget how hard it was and go on with their lives !

 

 

I visualise the day when we will be living a very boring life, cherishing every morning ☀️

Bless you Erell x 

[Arti]

Thanks all for the kind words thanks !!

 

But anyway i dont know if the Forum is still helpfull for me I am Not sure if this is longer withdrawl 

The sympthoms of the sleep issues are completely different than every other Story i ever read

 

I am sleppless since January 2019 beginning was the Quick first tapper und stopping paroxetin 

I could not sleep the one ore other day 

Then on January 17th i had a Computer Tomographie with  contrast Medium 

After that the really hell Began. 

Meanwhile i think in the contrast Medium Contains jodin and i got a thyrotoxic crisis I could not stand up for theese weeks the roof and ground was  moving sweating nausea etc.

I had allways a small goiter but never thryoid sympthoms or problems 

Then the Show Starts reinstate paroxetin increase several times ad Dominal 

At this stage sleep was terrible but i could perceive the sleep I woke up 

In August 2019 i incresed the Dominal and From that Time i never Felt a wake up point or i never perceive sleep again.

Then next failures followed to fast tapper 1000 times kindling etc.

so for me it feels like i am awake since August 2019 24hours 

That is 2 years and it is becoming worse than ever 

Did you heared something similar me Not 

I think it is a Kombination of all all this Events made a permanent damage in the brain sleep area.

I even can Not close my eyes during the day for Now 3 years.

 

It is hopeless

 

[Aurorax]

@Arti Please don't leave. I don't know you, but I care about you, and I want you to stay. You are just 16 months off Paroxetine, and you have quit other drugs as well. You are still in wd hell. I, too, had several weeks with almost no sleep. It's a part of the process. My sleep started to return to normal during year 3. Do what you have to do to stay alive, but don't even consider giving up.

 

 

[Aurorax]

We posted at the same time.

 

14 minutes ago, Arti said:

But anyway i dont know if the Forum is still helpfull for me I am Not sure if this is longer withdrawl 

 

You have to decide for yourself, but I can relate a lot to your symptoms. It sounds like wd to me. And I see many people here who seem to believe that they are the exception or that their symptoms are permanent for one reason or another. I felt that way, too. But in reality, everyone seems to get better with time. The idea about permanent damage is most likely your fear speaking. Don't listen.

 

14 minutes ago, Arti said:

It is hopeless

 

No, it feels hopeless, and that is very understandable.

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

as Aurorax said you are just 16 months off Paxil and you quit other drugs too. Your  body is in turmoil. 
no two stories of recovery are the same but if all these people with success stories healed SO WILL YOU.

Yes you are going through hell but it will end at some point . 
at  the moment you are still going through WD and the only thing that will help is time. That’s one thing all the success stories have in common . 
 

As difficult as this is there is only one way out and that’s to endure the symptoms as best you can. Don’t put obstacles in the way and let nature do her thing. 

because life is hell at the moment doesn’t mean to say you will not recover. This is the WD brain talking. You are in a wave. 
do not change anything. Keep doing what your doing and the break will come.

[Arti]

@Aurorax

@Longroadhome

You are wonderfull thanks a Lot!! 

I dont know what to say i Would Not collect Arguments against what you say  

But i know meanwhile that the changes causes the dysregulation and die damage and i had a Lot i did everything to destroy the sleep. And if the damage is done it is hit and miss if it heals or Not 

This is what i read From other Storys and sleep is a Special case it is so komplex 

Many People in the Forum were the sleep never turn to normal 

The Key is to prevent the damage i failed there 

This years of Not sleeping did so much damage itself and Killed many neurons that are lost 

My whole personality is lost and Changed

And the question why can i no longer perceive if i sleep why cant i fell a wakeup 

This is Not in Waves or Windows this is all the Time 1000 nights or more 

And why did i never read this in another story 

Most of the sympthoms and madness i have are Not withdrawl they are because no sleep 

 

Sorry i Would believe but i cant.

Thanks again i could hug you !

 

[Goosie]

There are many like us- just not on this forum.    I have heard stories of healing sleep after years.   I rarely perceive sleep either.    

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

many people where the sleep has not returned  to normal is because they are still in WD. They would not be posting here otherwise. We all heal in our own time Arti. 
Id also like to add that although you say no other person has the same symptom as you its because we describe our symptoms differently. 
As an example I have a balance problem  that I describe as like being on a boat and rocking /swaying.  Others describe it as feeling drunk or feeling off balance or feeling dizzy. Others talk about undulating floors. But we are all describing the same symptom. And we all have these symptoms in varying degrees. 
the same problem is happening to the CNS but the symptoms vary and are described in a different way. 
 

You are going through WD but it won’t last forever and you will heal. 

[Longroadhome]

Also you may be getting a wave within a wave. This is how Baylissa Frederick describes relentless symptoms. 

[Arti]

@GoosieThanks !

i read Parts of your story you had also wild mix of drugs. And awful sympthoms to endure 

How can human stand this 

Wish you all the best !

Im lost for words because of all the Messages thanks !!@Erell @ciasim 

[Arti]

Dont know if it is ok to Tag you @Altostrata i got warnings to do that From you an chessiecat 

So if i waste your Time ignore

 

If i understand right the main Problem is the dysregulation of the cns because of drug changes fast tapper fast increasing and intermediate Dose etc.. Because of that the important Thing is to prevent this to avoid damage in the cns. 

If the damage is done it is difficult, and if i understand neuroplasticity right the brain is Not able to reproducd damaged cells or build new Neutrons 

The only way to repair Things is to relocate damaged areas to other areas und find other paths 

So The more damage the difficult to repair. And the brain is never be the same as before

And you have to Support and retrain the brain to help recover 

So it is hit and miss if you are able to heal if you made many mistakes 

And that explains why some People heal and others with difficult drug story Not or only partially 

 

I Would Not find for recents that i am Not able to heal i only Would understand 

 

[Altostrata]

You do not understand neuroplasticity correctly.

 

Do not tag me.

[Goosie]

I’m sorry @Arti  for the above post.   When we are the most vulnerable people kick us the hardest.    

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

Don’t despair you have support.  just keep going. Keep your focus on healing. 
You will recover. 

[Arti]

Thanks goosie and longroadhome ! Its ok for me 

I know Alto is a rough Person once your through below it is over. But she did very good things with founding this Forum and build up her knowledge it saves lifes. 

There is a saying "if you save one Life you save the whole world" (dont know if correct translated) 

So as i told its ok for me i will never ever contact her again. 

 

Neverless i will say goodbye to the Forum at least for some Time 

Do it well and thank you

You did so much for me !! 

 

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

don t give up on this site. Others will support you. 
Ask  brass monkey he is very kind and wise.  
I asked your question that you posed to Baylissa and I’m just waiting for her to get back to

me I will post you her reply. 
we are all here to support each other. 

[Altostrata]

Please note: If any of the staff requests you do not tag them, be respectful and do not tag them.

[Longroadhome]

On 9/13/2021 at 10:27 AM, Arti said:

Dont know if it is ok to Tag you @Altostrata i got warnings to do that From you an chessiecat 

So if i waste your Time ignore

 

If i understand right the main Problem is the dysregulation of the cns because of drug changes fast tapper fast increasing and intermediate Dose etc.. Because of that the important Thing is to prevent this to avoid damage in the cns. 

If the damage is done it is difficult, and if i understand neuroplasticity right the brain is Not able to reproducd damaged cells or build new Neutrons 

The only way to repair Things is to relocate damaged areas to other areas und find other paths 

So The more damage the difficult to repair. And the brain is never be the same as before

And you have to Support and retrain the brain to help recover 

So it is hit and miss if you are able to heal if you made many mistakes 

And that explains why some People heal and others with difficult drug story Not or only partially 

 

I Would Not find for recents that i am Not able to heal i only Would understand 

 

Arti sorry for such late reply. Baylissa has taken off the Q&A site where I posted your question. 
But she did answer before the site got taken down. She said none of what you wrote is factual and has no foundation. She said no matter how people come off the drugs, how long they have been on them or tapering, kindled  etc everybody heals eventually. 
time and patience my friend and you will get there . 

[Arti]

Many thanks @Longroadhome !

There was no need to do that for me. You have your own fight and need all your Energy for that.

Of course i am very gratefull for These answer and try My best to believe. 

To believe that healing is possible. 

Apart From that i am feeling a little Bit better the last three days 

Knowing that it can be different again quickly but with your Message in mind i try to do the best with this slighly easier Time 

Wish you all the best thank you !