Arti: paroxetine 17 years intolerably

[Arti]

Hello all

I dont know why i write because my Aim was to avoid the Forum . I am so hopeless it is such a long Time 

I cry that i was  throwing my Life away. I am meanwhile so sleep deprivatet

That i have psychosic sympthoms i See Things that Not exists flys at the

 Wall. Sometimes everything is Dark and i have problems to find the way and orientate 

Sleep is now Bad since 3 years and it is becoming worse as i told many times i cannot feel sleep it is like i am 24 hours wake, sometimes i Dream with Open eyes an reality and Dream blur this is very disturbing and my anxiety to become mad or to die is 24 hours. Sleeping, concicious Dream all blur to one porriggde with no improvement

I think the neuroleptica destroyed the sleep complete and it is becoming worse and worse 

Manny of my Symptoms are because of no sleep and Not because of withdrawl 

On most nights i have pgad during the whole night and i have to pee 20 or 30 times or more but the bladder never get empty. It is Horror and came on Top of the lost ability to sleep

What can i do 

Paroxetine is out 18 Month 

Dominal is out 8 Month

Diazepam 0,095mg exactly 6pm every day no reduction since 2,5 Month 

3 times a day 1g omega3, 8:30pm 100mg diazepam

Breakfast Lunch dinner every day at the same Time 

Try to avoid sugar and histamin, no Alkohol and coffe and chocolate since 2,5 years 

Walk in die Nature if i can. On better days small work in die Garage 

Everyday take care of my animals. Taking blue light Filter and Sun glasess and ear pads 

But no sleep, normally i must be Death 

Sorry for Posting 

I made so many failures and this hurt my heard

Hope you all are ok and doing well!

[Longroadhome]

@Arti you need to update your signature. 
you have put you take 100mg diazepam at 8:30pm every night as well as 0.09mg at 6pm every night ? 
Is this right

 

[Longroadhome]

How much diazepam are you taking every day altogether and what times 

you seem to have increased this ? 

[Arti]

Sorry every evening 0,095mg diazepam at 6pm 

I will make a new Signature 

[Longroadhome]

Arti I can imagine how hard it is for you but you’re  only 18 months free of Paxil and 8 months free of Dominal after ct from both and several attempts of re instatement  of Paxil . You are still in WD from both. As hard as it is you need to play the waiting game it’s the only way to recovery . 
you have been doing everything right for some months now and although you can’t feel it your body is starting to heal it’s just not evident yet. You say on better days you work in your garage which leads me to think you do have window/wave pattern and that maybe at the moment when you post you are in a wave. 
your sleep will return but no one can say when. 
You must persevere and continue to wait. 
sleep deprivation will pass in time in the meantime do what you can to get through each day as you have been doing. 
take good care. 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Arti said:

On most nights i have pgad during the whole night and i have to pee 20 or 30 times or more but the bladder never get empty.

 

Have you ever been to the doctor and had your prostate examined?

It is important to have the symptoms examined if there is a possibility that it is not a withdrawal symptom but another medical problem.

 

deepL translation:

 

Waren Sie schon einmal beim Arzt und haben Ihre Prostata untersuchen lassen?

Es ist wichtig, dass wir die Symptome untersuchen lassen, wenn die Möglichkeit besteht, dass es sich nicht um eine Entzugserscheinung, sondern um ein anderes medizinisches Problem handelt.

[ChessieCat]

From  https://www.newyorkurologyspecialists.com/bph/symptoms/frequent-urination/

 

"Men with an enlarged prostate often experience frequent urination at night which usually starts slowly with urinating once or twice a night a few times a week.  Eventually, a urinary problem in men with BPH can progress to peeing 5-8 times a night.  This causes a significant problem for men as they cannot get adequate sleep at night."

[Arti]

@Longroadhome you are a loyal Soul you have allways encouraging words for me thank you !

Its so difficult to believe i cannot Imagine that normal sleep will ever be possible after what happend over such a long Time 

Your right it is Not much Time after what i did

but what i dont understand is why sleep got worse and worse the morning anxiety and dreaming when still awake no perceive of sleep etc.

No improvement at all And also theese sympthoms over such a long Time I never read that 

In that amounts, only sometimes in Peaces at the antipsychotic guys.

 

@ChessieCat thanks for your thougts about the prostate but i am sure that the recent for the Peeing is the pgad. During the day Peeing is more or less normal Frequent

During the night it is am combination errection sometimes the whole night in combination  with akathisia i Think errection fires the akathisia. Allways the felling that i have to pee and discomfort in the Genitals it is a awfull felling Not possible to Lay down Relaxed. 

Sorry hope it is understanding the pgad is also during the day but Not so intense 

So i think it is Not a prostate Problem this all got worse since going of the antipsychotica Dominal so i think it is Related to that 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

experience frequent urination at night

 

I think you should go to the doctor and get it checked.  If it is not your prostate, then you will know that it is not that.  If it is your prostate, then you can get treatment for it.

 

It would be better to find out now.  If you leave it and later you find out that you have prostate problems then you will be angry that you did not get an examination.

 

Sometimes we get something during withdrawal that is not withdrawal.  It is better to get it checked.

[ChessieCat]

32 minutes ago, Arti said:

So i think it is Not a prostate Problem this all got worse since going of the antipsychotica Dominal so i think it is Related to that 

 

You think it is related, but you do not know.

[Arti]

@ChessieCat yes your right i think i dont know and i Would be angry if this is prostate 

 

I am afraid to Go to any Kind of doctor because this is very difficult for me because of the Lack of sleep, speaking, explaining, investigation, understand what they say to me etc. Even sit quit in the chair is a problem. 

Two weeks ago i was at the endokrinologist and without help it Would Not be possible. 

Back at Home i broke down. It was a really big Trigger.

 

And the question is what has prostate to do with this sexual arousal. And why i dont  have to pee during the day for hours. And it is Not painfull, It is triggered by trying to sleep

 

Anyway you are right and i dont know, I have to think about it going to the doctor 

Thanks for help!!

 

[ChessieCat]

I understand how you feel.  It happens to me too.  Even for something simple like going into a shop to buy bread because I need it.  I will keep delaying it.  And then after I have bought it I usually think to myself, well that was silly, why didn't I just do it the other day.

 

Some people find it better to do something straight away, but some might find it easier to make an appointment to see a doctor in one week's time so they get used to the idea of going and make a plan for that day.  And remember, there are a lot of people who don't like going to the doctor's.  I don't like going to the doctor just to get a prescription for my blood pressure medication.

 

6 hours ago, Arti said:

And the question is what has prostate to do with this sexual arousal. And why i dont  have to pee during the day for hours. And it is Not painfull, It is triggered by trying to sleep

 

I have no idea about this.  BUT what I can see is that you have a symptom which can be a sign of an enlarged prostate.

 

As I said, it might not be your prostate.  But it might be.

 

I use my non drug coping skills to get through things like this.  As an example, when I returned to work after I had been off work for 10 months last year, I started feeling nauseous as I was driving into the car park.  I knew why I was feeling that way and it was understandable and to be expected after such a long time.  After I had parked the car I felt like sitting in the car and having a cry but I knew that if I did that I would not go into the office and would drive home.  And that would mean that I would have to go through the "first day back" again.  I told myself that I only had to go through it one time.  I took a few deep breaths and kept telling myself that I was okay and that my boss understood how I felt.  It took a lot of effort but I managed to do it.

 

I realise that this is different to going to the doctor, but I told you this to show how I use coping skills to do things.  It is hard work, but the alternative is to just curl up in a ball and give up on everything.

[ChessieCat]

@Arti

 

Hi Arti,

 

They have been advertising on the radio about men going to get their prostate checked.

 

Have you been to see the doctor yet?

[Arti]

@ChessieCat thanks for thinking on me!

No sorry i havent been to the doctor. Sorry i cant at this time.

Things becoming worse and worse. I am so sleepless that i have psychosic Symptoms 

And i am so weak and at the same Time so agitated in my head that i can only sit in the Kitchen at the table the whole day and endure. i am so weak I have pain in all Muscles and bones even going to the toillet is a Big effort. 

And my brain feels like in die next Moment i got Crazy. Dont know how long i can stand this 

 

Sorry that i havent been to the doctor i really cant. And to be honest and i hate that to say i dont know if it is worth. Human cannot survive without sleep. And my body und brain is destroyed by no sleep for 3 years.

 

What is wrong with me why is my ability to sleep gone. I am sorry for writing all this you ask because the doctor.

But i am crying non stop for hours because of the fear of dieing or becoming mad. And the hopelessness

I still Would understand what happend to me and why  

 

 

[Longroadhome]

1 hour ago, Arti said:

@ChessieCat thanks for thinking on me!

No sorry i havent been to the doctor. Sorry i cant at this time.

Things becoming worse and worse. I am so sleepless that i have psychosic Symptoms 

And i am so weak and at the same Time so agitated in my head that i can only sit in the Kitchen at the table the whole day and endure. i am so weak I have pain in all Muscles and bones even going to the toillet is a Big effort. 

And my brain feels like in die next Moment i got Crazy. Dont know how long i can stand this 

 

Sorry that i havent been to the doctor i really cant. And to be honest and i hate that to say i dont know if it is worth. Human cannot survive without sleep. And my body und brain is destroyed by no sleep for 3 years.

 

What is wrong with me why is my ability to sleep gone. I am sorry for writing all this you ask because the doctor.

But i am crying non stop for hours because of the fear of dieing or becoming mad. And the hopelessness

I still Would understand what happend to me and why  

 

 

Arti Chessiecat is right 

 
you are enduring WD  because you want to survive and live a life . Then to say you will not go for a prostrate test because it is not worth it is a contradiction of this. 
To neglect  would be an utter waste and not fair on your family who are going through this with you should they have to endure in the future serious problems with your health. 
Think outside of the WD voice ( not worth bothering)  If you were not in WD would you have this symptom checked. Yes. 


 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Arti said:

I am so sleepless

 

And this might be caused by your prostate.

 

You don't need to say sorry to me.  You are the one who is being affected, not me.

[Arti]

Thanks and Sorry for my following answer because i really appreciate your care.

And you right yes i want to survive. But is it really worth to hang on a Life that is no Life 

My sleep is destroyed by neuroleptica. My brain and body ist destroyed by no sleep.

I am full of ideas and thougts for Life but it is over. Chessie and longroardhome you do and did a small tapper and a good Job. I did everything wrong and damage the cns. Altostrata ist right i did the opposite of her advice so my own fault.

I lost everything my Friends, my Job, my Family i havent Seen my godchildren for Month, my wife was moving into an other flat because of the night Terror of screaming hiting the wall etc. 

She Visite me only for hours and crying a Lot. And to be honest i am a burden for all of them. They Would be in much better condition without me. The next and last i Would lost is the House because of the money. 

Is this a Life? No it is no Life 

Without sleep you cannot survive.

And no i dont think that the Peeing is the recent for insomnia it is a Part of it yes. 

But i never feel sleep I fell no wake up nothing i feel like 24hours wake since 2,5 years and this damage came From Dominal and has nothing to do with the prostate and the peeing.

And yes if i could j Would Go to the doctor but i am to damaged Sorry. 

 

 

 

[Aurorax]

@Arti, would you consider talking to me over Skype tomorrow? I'm by no means a therapist, and I can't promise that I can help you, but I have been to something very similar to what you are going through right now and might be able to offer you a few suggestions on how to move forward. I am fluent in English, and I know a little german. It doesn't matter what mental state you are in right now. I had psychotic symptoms, too, and I know what it's like to be confused.

 

Send me a PM if you want to give it a try.❤️

 

Aurorax

 

[ciasim]

Im sorry to hear you are struggling so much. 

Ive been there myself, not the same symptoms but still a nightmare. 

I just wanted to share a way of thinking that helped me through: 

I was constantly let down every day when seeing no improvements. Which only brought me deeper and deeper into despair. It wasnt working. 

So I decided to enlarge my scope. To set a goal of improvement MUCH more far ahead. 

I told my self: If im only 10 % better in 2 months I will be forever greatful. ¨

In that way I learned a bit to live with my daily symptoms, even though still scary and very draining. Whenever I felt despair I told my self: look at your goal. You are not excepting any improvements TODAY. 

A bonus was of course when I finally reached the 2 month goal and I was probably 20-25 % better. What an victory! And so I went on.. setting up long-range goals

Please hang in there. As long as you are not changing any of your meds you can except too fell better in the future. I would say its mostly about letting your CNS find its equlibrium again. And it takes a LONG time. Dont change any dosages. Keep going even though I know its hard. All the best, Cecilia 

[Arti]

Thanks cecillia for your Message encouragement is allways good 

But anyway it is different 

I have no improvement it is becoming worse and worse Not better So what can i expect this Route will Go on worse and worse. 

I am sorry to say that but I know my fate its just difficult to accept. That is why i still write here i cannot accept the truth. 

Thanks for your words you do it right !

Arti  

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

2 hours ago, Arti said:

Thanks cecillia for your Message encouragement is allways good 

But anyway it is different 

I have no improvement it is becoming worse and worse Not better So what can i expect this Route will Go on worse and worse. 

I am sorry to say that but I know my fate its just difficult to accept. That is why i still write here i cannot accept the truth. 

Thanks for your words you do it right !

Arti  

 

 

 

Arti

many many many people feel worse and use the words “Felt I was getting worse and worse” before they start to feel better. 
go to Baylissa Frederick site success stories and you will see half of  the success stories written have stated they felt worse over a long period of time before making slow recovery steps. 
You are not damaged for good. What you are seeing is “healing in action” where the symptoms you are experiencing is down to your body working towards putting systems back in place pre drug style. 
Have faith keep going you will make it. 

[Arti]

@LongroadhomeI try do believe all of this but it is very difficult with this daily torture. I was several times on baylissas Page but the  last Time i think 1,5years ago. Yes what she write is encouraging but I allways thought i am different. 

It is so confusing to think with this insomnia fog in the head. What could i say if i can think clear for a few Moments i try and try. 

I hope you dizzines improve soon. And i hope your tappering of the paroxetin works good 

You are at 2,2mg that was a very good Job. 

What i can say to you I had 15 years on paroxetin a Bad stomach. Nausea,Reflux, no appetite,

Sometimes i was eating Soup for weeks. 

5 Gastro investigations in this years with no result. After coming of paroxetin this is gone completely if i had Not problems with histamin sugar etc. 

I could eat everything and i am allways Hungry 

Dont know what all of this is worth because everything Else is Horror 

Thanks again  !

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

i do understand and I always think I am different because my dizziness has been going on for so long now 24/7. And yes I do worry in case there is permanent damage and I’m stuck like this for the rest of my life. But in my heart I know for sure it’s WD. I have many other symptoms and I mean many but I don’t name them all because it’s a trigger for me and makes me panic. I’m telling you this so that you may see just because someone like me doesn’t talk much about their symptoms doesn’t mean they are not there. It just means I deal with WD in a different way to you. Not saying that’s better or worse,  just different. 
Guess what I’m trying to say is don’t get too hung up about the way you came off the meds because tapering sure isn’t t plain sailing for many of us. On the contrary symptoms are intense and we are still tapering with a way to go. 
interesting what you say about your health while on Paxil and Gastro problems that have now gone . We just didn’t connect the dots at the time did we  because who’d  believe one small tablet could interfere  with so many internal systems.
You will survive this you are stronger than you think.   
 

[Longroadhome]

@Arti

checking in  how are you ? 
hoping things are a little easier

[Arti]

Thanks @LongroadhomeFor asking! 

I have Seen your Post few days ago But to be honest i was not sure how to answer.

Things Changing definitely. But to describe its allways difficult. 

This terrible akathisia seems to be subside more and more. And also this awful fear.

Sleep is still strange but changes also. I Go to bed at 10pm stand up maybe 5 to 7 times till 3 or 4 am. Bettwenn this sometimes it feels a little like sleep and allways Dreams before coming to concicious i cannot call it wake up because it doesnt feel like that. And the Dreams Go on till i am awake and allways this pgad during the night. 

Bettwenn 3 or 4 am it changes i am wake But can Lay down without this morning anxiety fear and terror. But it is a strange Not a good feeling the body is so tired but the brain  is Not able to sleep.

I can do a little Bit more during the day the brain frog is a little Bit better 

 

So all in all i have to say since two weeks it is a little Bit better

but still very difficult to Manage the day and far away From a normal Life 

There are many other things that are strange Digestion, Freezing other dysregulation Things 

Bit the worst is the sleep and this pgad wich dusturb a possible sleep. 

I hope things Changing to the better. I try and do everything for it.

 

I hope your doing ok! And dont have so much Stress before Christmas Time! 

Greetings Arti

[Longroadhome]

27 minutes ago, Arti said:

Thanks @LongroadhomeFor asking! 

I have Seen your Post few days ago But to be honest i was not sure how to answer.

Things Changing definitely. But to describe its allways difficult. 

This terrible akathisia seems to be subside more and more. And also this awful fear.

Sleep is still strange but changes also. I Go to bed at 10pm stand up maybe 5 to 7 times till 3 or 4 am. Bettwenn this sometimes it feels a little like sleep and allways Dreams before coming to concicious i cannot call it wake up because it doesnt feel like that. And the Dreams Go on till i am awake and allways this pgad during the night. 

Bettwenn 3 or 4 am it changes i am wake But can Lay down without this morning anxiety fear and terror. But it is a strange Not a good feeling the body is so tired but the brain  is Not able to sleep.

I can do a little Bit more during the day the brain frog is a little Bit better 

 

So all in all i have to say since two weeks it is a little Bit better

but still very difficult to Manage the day and far away From a normal Life 

There are many other things that are strange Digestion, Freezing other dysregulation Things 

Bit the worst is the sleep and this pgad wich dusturb a possible sleep. 

I hope things Changing to the better. I try and do everything for it.

 

I hope your doing ok! And dont have so much Stress before Christmas Time! 

Greetings Arti

Aaaaaah Arti can’t tell you how happy I am to read your post !!! 
that is improvement!!!!
 could be a window . Just remember how you are feeling and if it changes you know it will come back window/ wave pattern and baseline will get better.
I’m smiling Arti the tide is slowly turning my friend.
yes far from normal at the moment but you WILL get back to normal that’s a definite Arti. 
keep going 👍

 

 

[Aurorax]

1 hour ago, Longroadhome said:

I’m smiling Arti the tide is slowly turning my friend.

 

I'm sitting here smiling, too. This is wonderful news, @Arti I'm so happy for you!

 

Aurorax

[Arti]

Just that you both smile makes me Happy!

Of course i dont trust them after all that ive been trough. Its Crazy when you think about why und what all Turned out like this. 

I could write a Lot and many sympthoms. And what me still scarry a Lot is if i ever will sleep again normal. But on the other side i am very thankfull. That i could think clearer and ideas and  creativity sometimes coming up. 

I hope i can keep going. As i told i will do and try My best. 

[Longroadhome]

17 minutes ago, Arti said:

Just that you both smile makes me Happy!

Of course i dont trust them after all that ive been trough. Its Crazy when you think about why und what all Turned out like this. 

I could write a Lot and many sympthoms. And what me still scarry a Lot is if i ever will sleep again normal. But on the other side i am very thankfull. That i could think clearer and ideas and  creativity sometimes coming up. 

I hope i can keep going. As i told i will do and try My best. 

You will Arti it’s probably your  first real window. And that means more healing going forward. 
only a matter of time before the sleep starts to improve . 
well done you!! 

[mstimc]

Great news, Arti!  We've been traveling so I don't have a chance to post very often, but I've been following your thread. So glad to hear you're making progress !

 

[Longroadhome]

@Arti checking in how’s things ? 
Merry Christmas 🎄 and may 2022 bring you peace and further healing. 

[Arti]

Hello @Longroadhome

To be honest i wont write before Christmas because i dont want to spoil it for you. 

Dont know what was this two days in november. 

It is very Bad.

If i compared it with 6 Month ago it is worse. Sleep is worse and pgad is worse. 

Dont know what to write this is the 4th Christmas after al this startet end of 2018

And these are becoming the worst. 

If have to accept that the antipsychotica destroyed my sleep. And the result is no sleep no Life.

Also the pgad means  errection every Night the whole night and this causes i stand up sometimes 50 times and more and try to pee. 

And From the Time i close my eyes i begann to Dream if i sleep or Not and if i sleep i dont recognize it. It is a Horror trip night by night. 

So i come to two conclusions yes i am in withdrawl but there must be more some neurological  illness. But who will find it out wich doctor wich investigation. I was at the Neurologist and he said no it is psychis without any investigation.

The second conclusion is that i have enough, i try to survive if i can for another 6 Month and then make a decissicon I dont write more. 

What me Also scarry a Lot is the Convid Situation in Germany the government makes preasure 

To vaccinate. And i am Not vaccinated. And i wont do that this is my decissicon i have fear of it 

And sorry to say it doesnt matter if i die by Convid or maybe slower by insomnia. 

 

Sorry for all what i wrote as i said i dont want to do that before Christmas but this is how my Soul feel.  

 

I Wisch you Merry Christmas and  a Happy new year !!

You are a good Person !!

 

 

[Longroadhome]

Thank you for letting me know how you are. You’re back in a wave @Arti remember in my last post I said this may happen because you had your first real window. Another will come my friend we just have to be patient. And this is hard. I know I do understand but it will happen. 
You mention about going to see somebody but they will not be able to help with this and very likely suggest putting you back on more meds. Please do not put yourself on any other drugs this will not fix the problem, keeping you from healing. Only time will do that. 
You are healing even if you cannot feel this yet. Inside your body is slowly adapting back to homeostasis. It just takes time for this to happen,  and in stages.  

I think it is positive that you are looking ahead and seeing how you feel in 6 months time. 

Remember @Aurorax took a very long time with very slow recovery but she got there in the end and so will you. 

I understand your reluctance to the covid vaccination. I felt the same but decided to go ahead. I have had my booster this week and have not had a problem with all three vaccinations I have had. 
 

When we have so many symptoms it’s very hard to hang onto the thought that it’s “just” WD. We feel we must have permanently damaged ourselves. But it’s not true there is no long term evidence to support this. Our bodies adapted to the drugs and now we have to wait for them to adapt without the use of the drugs. So even though the symptoms are really scary it is a good sign that our bodies are going through the process. 
 

I know you say this is your fourth Christmas of being sick but you have not been off the drugs for that length of time.

 

Keep going Arti just keep doing what your doing. 
Take care until we speak again. 
 

[Longroadhome]

Hello @Arti

Been thinking of you this week and checking in to see how you are ?

I am keeping my fingers crossed you have had another window. 
Keep going Arti you’re a brave man.  

[Arti]

Hello @Longroadhomei was also thinking on you the last Weeks. I‘ve Seen Your Post few Days ago but was Not able to answer. I am in very Bad condition. Yes there were a few little Bit easier days but the most are awful. I decided to stop diazepam 2,5 weeks ago. It is the Same since That so i Wonder if all is drug related. Or anything Else. I Dont Know if This Stepp was wise but i dont regret it. i have enough. And if i have to die Then without chemical drug Inside me. the pgad and the complete insomnia will kill me for sure. 

sorry again That i cannot Report better News. Hope your are ok?! I cannot follow your Wohle Way on SA but Know your struggle with the dizzines. You will Go the Right way 

greetings Arti 

 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

You’ll get there @Arti

Did you taper down on the diazepam or just stop ?