Phoenixmama: cold turkey after 3 weeks on Celexa

[Phoenixmama]

Im noticing my short term memory is bad again.... hopefully it’s just a wave 

[Rosetta]

I’m sorry.  I’m on a trip right now.  I wrote an answer and then my phone died, and I lost it.  Cough drops, hot tea with honey and lemon, Vicks vapo rub — try each.  I hope you feel better soon.

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta💕 have a nice trip 

[Phoenixmama]

Im

going through something today , I feel like im A mess mentally , I’m scared I’m losing my mind I had this before in wd but it’s like magnified by 100 now I also feel like when your ears are plugged like this separated feeling , like I’m separated from what I had left of myself.... have I been too strong all these years of going through traumas and not healing? Is this it for me am I going to lose my mind now ???  Or is this just a big wave from covid , I find myself scared of even going for a walk.... any help would be appreciated, I’m drowning 

[Greatful]

@Phoenixmama  Take  a deep breath, you will be okay. ♥️

 

39 minutes ago, Phoenixmama said:

I’m separated from what I had left of myself...

my guess you are experiencing D/R.  It can be scary but you will connect back with yourself.

41 minutes ago, Phoenixmama said:

have I been too strong all these years of going through traumas and not healing?

 

 

You are not losing your mind.  Your thinking is distorted right now. Everything is morphed in size.   Do  you think you could benefit from some therapy? You needed to be strong to go through your trauma, but you may have developed some unhealthy thinking trying to cope with it.  Being strong right now would be to face the trauma and heal from the inside the healthy way.

Withdrawal can bring strong emotions that are berried deep inside.  

 

46 minutes ago, Phoenixmama said:

I find myself scared of even going for a walk...

A feeling of unexplained fear is common in WD.  There is a thread on Symptoms & Self-Care on fear.  When I was first in the deep on my WD I would have that fear, it almost felt like I should look around me to see what I should be afraid of.  I still get it but not as bad.  Right now I am dealing with a panic feeling.  I am connecting with my past trauma and seeing that the panic I feel is a morphed panic feeling I have felt my whole life. 

I think it would be good if you could get outside for a little while.  The sound of nature is very calming.  Besides you have been stuck in the house for  a couple of weeks.

 

53 minutes ago, Phoenixmama said:

any help would be appreciated, I’m drowning 

I strongly encourage meditation if you don't do it already.  It will help you let go of your thoughts.  Thoughts are just that thoughts and they can't physically hurt you, but if you dwell on them they seem so real and scary.  This will lead to anxiety and discomfort.

 Meditation is learning to just acknowledge the thought (don't engage or argue, think your way out of it) and refocus on your breath.  This training will continue to mindfulness in the day.  

I have a good guided meditation video "Healing Chronic Pain."  Pain is not just physical, we can have a lot of emotional too. Let me know if you are interested in it ❤️

 

How is your daughter doing with covid?

[Phoenixmama]

@Greatful hi thanks for responding , I’m going to go spend a couple night at my boyfriends me and my little girl have been coupes up in our room for 12 days and like you I think we need to get out.... everything you mentioned I love it and yes maybe it’s a good time to start meditating 

[Phoenixmama]

I wish I was normal so bad , I miss the days that I had confidence in my thinking and where I was going.... now I sit and watch people doing what I was doing and it hurts so bad to be stuck in this ever so changing mental emotional jail.... not knowing if I’ll ever get out... 

[Phoenixmama]

@KenA I’m feeling really bad at the moment not sure what is this , maybe it’s from covid ? I’m on day 13 covid and almost 6 month into wd, I feel weird and a little off mentally and disconnected also anxiety has been high for two days.... I’m also starting to second guess my healing “is this real “ “am I damaged” I was not this bad before covid.... I’m scared 

[Colonial]

Illness can bring a wave with new or worsening symptoms.

As you start to get over the virus your symptoms will even out.

Rest is important so you don't relapse once you start to feel better.

That doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in bed all day but just be gentle with yourself and don't expect to be back at full steam in a few weeks.

 

 

[Phoenixmama]

Thanks @Colonial I will take your advice , and it’s comforting to know my intensified symptoms could be from this virus 🙏🏼

[Phoenixmama]

@Colonial I’ve been napping during the day also something I could never do in wd , I was worried but now I’m thinking maybe it’s just my body is tired 

[Colonial]

Just remember  how tired and run down you used to be when you got sick before WD.

The fact your able to nap shows your body is busy fighting the virus.

 

 

[KenA]

12 hours ago, Phoenixmama said:

@KenA I’m feeling really bad at the moment not sure what is this , maybe it’s from covid ? I’m on day 13 covid and almost 6 month into wd, I feel weird and a little off mentally and disconnected also anxiety has been high for two days.... I’m also starting to second guess my healing “is this real “ “am I damaged” I was not this bad before covid.... I’m scared 

@Phoenixmama It's very possible. When I was going through Covid I would feel good for a bit and then bad for a while. It was an up and down process for sure!!! It took me about 18 days before I started to feel better from Covid so hopefully you are right around the corner as well and will be feeling better soon! It also caused me to have some derealization for a bit as well, but it has faded away again! Seems to be normal for someone like us who is still healing from wd and to have to go through a pretty strong sickness that makes us start thinking about bad things again. You are healing though for sure!! Never doubt that! Each and every day you are alive you are healing!! Our bodies naturally heal without us even trying. We just have to do the best we can to take care of ourselves. Get plenty of rest when possible, drink lots of water, eat healthy as possible, and just give it time! That's the secret to everything. Time truly does heal all wounds!! And if your not healed yet, then give it more time

 

All the best,

Ken

[Phoenixmama]

Thank you @KenAevery little bit helps, I just woke up and it always makes me sad because it feelings like Groundhog Day .... tomorrow I return to work , I don’t really want to but maybe it will occupy me from wd 

[Phoenixmama]

@KenA do you have a family ? Or kids or a partner ? 

[KenA]

18 minutes ago, Phoenixmama said:

@KenA do you have a family ? Or kids or a partner ? 

I do I've been married for 18 years next month Have 4 kids. 3 boys and a girl

 

[Phoenixmama]

💕💕💕💕 @KenA the reason I ask is because I have a family and I just need to know that there’s other people in wd that are still taking care of their family and pushing through , I don’t know why but it comforts me , even though I’m a single mom ages 26 , 21, 15 and 5 years old the old two have moved out but I still have the younger two by my side ❤️

[KenA]

@Phoenixmama I completely understand!! You know, going through withdrawals actually did bring me much closer to my family. I was scared for a long time that I wasn't going to survive, so I honestly spent as much time as I could with my wife and kids everyday because I wanted to make memories with them they could carry with them when I passed away. (Morbid I know) But as more and more time went on, I got to where I truly did just enjoy being around them. When I was on the meds, I honestly just numbed everything away where I didn't care about them very much. So honestly everything I went through was a blessing in disguise because it made me truly appreciate my family!! I was able to keep working the whole time I went through wd because I am the sole provider for my family so I had to keep working. It wasn't an option for me to stop! I just would push through the hard days and kept on going because I had to!!

[Phoenixmama]

@KenA 💪🏻 This gives me strength and it’s what I have been doing for five months 😓 I don’t know how I got this far , even driving is hard I was a little out of it but I did it... today I’m like weird it’s like I’m high or something idk how I just drove home and forced myself to go to the grocery store , I guess this is dp / dr or what ever feels so weird I just want to cry but everyone say it will pass and I will be ok , I’m trying to get out of work tomorrow and Friday just to have a couple of more days to get mentally stronger 

[KenA]

17 hours ago, Phoenixmama said:

@KenA 💪🏻 This gives me strength and it’s what I have been doing for five months 😓 I don’t know how I got this far , even driving is hard I was a little out of it but I did it... today I’m like weird it’s like I’m high or something idk how I just drove home and forced myself to go to the grocery store , I guess this is dp / dr or what ever feels so weird I just want to cry but everyone say it will pass and I will be ok , I’m trying to get out of work tomorrow and Friday just to have a couple of more days to get mentally stronger 

Yep it's what you have to do Keep on pushing through each and every day!! For me, dp/dr was where I felt like any place I would be at didn't feel real!! It was crazy, but it passed. It will for you as well! 

[Rosetta]

Hi, Phoenixmama,  It looks like you and the little one are handling the Covid very well.  I’m glad, of course.  At this point, you are through the most crucial period, yes?

 

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta yes we’re on day 18 and we are fine , the only thing left is a slight cough for me .... and my wd is pretty heavy and has changed , all day until about 9pm I’m having a high separated feeling , and a strong no pleasure with anything I’m doing but maybe that’s from feeling separated and high from my life , but I just keep pushing through the day trying to stay connected as best I can , I notice in the day the I’m having thoughts of not making it through wd and never being normal again and no confidence in my future , and after 9 pm I’m strong again don’t think or feel like that.... even in the day I have no appetite and don’t even want to drink water and soon as the wave lets up I’m thirsty and hungry , it’s the weirdest thing but I notice and see the difference.... thanks for checking on us @Rosetta❤️

[Rosetta]

I remember those days.  They were awful.  You will heal.  I know that doesn’t really help much, but it’s true.  You can think about that after 9 when your mind is working more naturally.  Reinforcing that idea is helpful.  Say to yourself that others have healed, and you will, too.  I suppose you are sleeping more or less ok.  That’s good.  Hang in there!

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta I had the good evening before wd but they started much earlier like 5pm but now it’s pushed back to 9pm and I go to sleep around 10 pm 

[Phoenixmama]

@RosettaI mean I had the good evenings before covid 

[Rosetta]

Right.  Covid is a bear.  Don’t get worried about long Covid yet.  My husband saw everything get better at 4 weeks after the first symptoms.  He’s fine except for odd things here and there.  Nothing major.  Despite WD you may have the same experience, and this could be something that would have happened anyway.  

I had a time when I started feeling worse around sundown until bedtime.  My evening breaks vanished and it was very disheartening.  Then, that sundowner type symptom slowly faded.

 

Rosetta

[KenA]

@Phoenixmama Just remember the only thing predictable about w/d is that it is very unpredictable lol. I was the same way as @Rosetta. After I got through acute, I settled into a pattern of hard hard mornings, ok afternoons, and good evenings. I always looked forward to my evening window. Then about 9 or 10 months in, it changed. My evening windows went away and I just felt bad all day. Then after about a month or 2, it changed again and I would feel pretty good in the afternoon. But overall, I noticed the waves were less intense. They would last longer, sometimes all day long, but the symptoms became less in intensity. The best news of all is that eventually it all went away!! And it will for you too!! Keep up the great work!! You are getting there one day at a time!! Glad to hear you are feeling better and recovering from Covid!! I'm feeling almost healed as well A bit of congestion still, but almost all gone

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by KenA
correction

[Phoenixmama]

@KenA hi 🙂 iam feeling better , just was on a road trip to my grandmothers about 2 hours away from my house , my older daughter drove us here , I started to get nauseous on the whinny mountain and it’s continued, when we got to my grandmas all I could do was lay down I think I napped now I woke up and still feel sick , it’s like a nauseous feeling almost like food poisoning feeling, but then in the back of my mind is the health anxiety, thinking I’m going to die 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 so maybe it’s a wave , Come on 9 pm !!!! Please give me a window 

[Phoenixmama]

It’s past 9:40pm and I came alive at 9:00 pm , joking ,smiling , laughing , eating with my grandma , older daughter , son and little girl ,then  took a shower and ready to watch a movie... why can’t I stay like this 😭 ITS MEEEEEE THE WACKY BRIGHT LIGHT MOM , 

[Phoenixmama]

I can’t wait till 9 pm 😏

[Phoenixmama]

At almost 6 months after an adverse reaction, where am I at in wd ? Acute ? Post? Is there a name for where I’m at ?? 

[Rosetta]

I would say you are “suffering dysautonomia,” which is what happens to people who withdraw too fast from ADs.  You are having the same symptoms as people who adapted to ADs over weeks or months (or years), but the terms acute withdrawal and prolonged or post don’t fit very well for you. A doctor would be very confused if you suggested that you were in withdrawal.  However, strong adverse reactions such as yours mimic withdrawal and heal in a similar way to Post-acute withdrawal syndrome.  
 

I assumed you were thinking of the timeframe when you asked a question such as that?

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta I just read people say “when I was in acute wd “ and go on to say it was hell and then tell how their doing now.... 

 

 

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta it’s like I’m stuck all day sitting laying , stuck on my phone , not able to move around freely , then 9 pm comes and I’m feel a feeling of freeness , I can get up do things around the house , I even feel like going to the store , I feel like myself , it’s the best feeling in the world 

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta and yes I just looked up dysautonomia and yes that’s how I been feeling... but after nine I come alive , well tonight it started early 8 pm and I’m so great full 🙏🏼 My whole mind set and feelings about my life are normal at this time , so good I don’t even want to sleep 😏

[Erell]

Hello @Phoenixmama,

 

I was reading your thread and wondering if you would feel comfortable writing to yourself during your evening windows ?

 

I don't have such Windows, but I write to myself when I have a moment a bit easier : it really does help me while things get rough again.

 

Reading my own words, listening to the positive side of my mind helps to believe I can feel better and heal !

 

Sending my support and healing vibes your way ❤