Comfyquilt: Hello - issues with Benzos and new med

[Comfyquilt]

@Hibari thank you so much. Your words are always so comforting to me. I really appreciate your friendship. Your story gives me SO much hope as does @LotusRising. Just knowing you two are here for me makes my dire state seem a tad more tolerable. 
 

I think I will wait one more week and then try a 2% cut just to test the waters. This would be 0.03mg based on my math. @LotusRising could you let me know how to best get this dose? I use liquid. Thanks! 

[LotusRising]

You're at 1.5mg? What concentration is your liquid?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising it is 1mg/1ml. Yes 1.5mg taken every night at 10pm with a marked syringe. 

 

I felt a little more normal this afternoon, and still do tonight, it’s not perfect but it’s not as terrifying. I feel a bit flat in the head but I’ll take it. 

[LotusRising]

15 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

I felt a little more normal this afternoon, and still do tonight, it’s not perfect but it’s not as terrifying. I feel a bit flat in the head but I’ll take it. 

 

This is good. It seems like very slow, steady improvement. 

 

Are you using a 1mL syringe? If your previous dose was 1.5mg and you were taking 1.5mL, then you are correct, your next dose with a 2% drop would be 1.47mg (a difference of 0.03mg), which would be 1.47ml.

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I had such a good night last night. I made soup and watched TV! First time in 6 weeks. I slept for 8 hours and woke with no panic or toxic feeling. I did take a small amount of magnesium last night and it seemed to help relax me a little. I feel much less dire and weird in the head today!! 
 

I think maybe with some magnesium and a few more good sleeps I maybe will stabilize a little more. I have a teensy syringe that I can use for that next cut. I am going to give it one more week and then see where I am at! 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt oh, so good to hear!!

 

I know holding is really tough and it brings up a lot of fear, but I'm glad it's paying off for you!!

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising yes hopefully it eases a little. Feeling rough again today but hopefully I am on the upwards trajectory ✨

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising hi again! I had been taking 1mg of melatonin for about 6 weeks and discontinued it 2 nights ago. I wasn’t sure if this needed to be tapered so I just stopped (maybe a stupid idea!) it was giving me really weird symptoms and I felt really icky taking it. 
 

I’ve replaced the melatonin with a low dose of magnesium at night. Just hitting this down here more for my memory.

 

my window from last night did not hold and I’ve been feeling horrible all day! Still crossing my fingers and toes for stabalization ❤️

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

I did the same. I didn't notice anything untoward when taking it, but also not sure it really helped me either. It's generally believed that you don't need to taper it. Personally, I had no trouble stopping it.

 

I think magnesium helps me feel a little more relaxed and I usually take it an hour or two before I go to bed. Are you trying mag glycinate or?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising mag glycinate. I am horrible today. No sleep last night and I am just feeling sooo scared and sad. I am worried I will feel like this forever. My body feels poisoned. Just getting through the days over here ☹️

[LotusRising]

Ugh, I'm sorry! 

 

I can truly remember feeling this way and was sooo scared that there was permanent damage. I know it's scary, but I really believe this is not forever.

Have you read through any of the success stories? 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-psychiatric-drug-withdrawal/

 

Have I sent you Baylissa's evening meditation before? I listened to it almost every night. Baylissa Evening Meditation

 

Or, have you tried yoga nidra? Insight timer is a free app and has lots of good ones. It helped for all the nights that I couldn't sleep. A lot of the time I just had to accept my eyes closed as "rest". 

 

I know none of this easy, but it really will get better for you ❤️ One day, you'll look back and see that this was just a little blip ...

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I’m just trying to get through the days. It’s hard but I’ve done it before. I just feel sooo icky and like my CNS is so damaged. 
 

I will for sure try the links provided! Thank you 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt 

 

How are you doing?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I am having some brief respite tonight ✨ not as dire. The last couple of days haven’t been great, lots of anxiety and “how am I gonna get out of this” 

 

Very worried I’m no better than when I started tapering and if any healing has happened on the way down etc etc etc. Am I doomed - classic WD flavours. My body has many odd sensations and lots of cortisol upon waking up. Just hoping this hold works. Thanks so much for checking in 🙏🏼❤️

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

It's good to hear you had a little respite. I know it may not feel like much, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a good sign. My first windows were quite short, so I know how disheartening it can be to flip right back into a wave. 

 

17 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

 

Very worried I’m no better than when I started tapering and if any healing has happened on the way down etc etc etc. Am I doomed - classic WD flavours.

 

I very much believe that healing is always happening. It must be for you to be getting short windows. And you're most definitely not doomed! But yes, I remember feeling this way too. I remember hearing a lot about how I needed to "accept" where I was. I admit that this has always been a challenge for me, since accepting to me feels like I've given in to the idea that I won't get better. But, over time, I've grown to accept that I will experience symptoms, but can still carry on to a certain extent without major impact. For what it's worth, you might find some glimmers in this topic:

 

You're doing great and all you can do is your best 💖

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you very much for the kind words. I think in the next few days I will start a 2% reduction. My symptoms are just worse worse everyday with tiny respite sometimes at night. The traumatic wake ups are horrific and have only gotten worse during this holding period. When I look at my notes it’s getting worse as before I was having full day windows.

 

I think my body is asking me to get off and heal, and I want to listen to my gut. I’ve been holding now for 8 weeks and it’s really really awful today. I’m happy to accept the symptoms as long as I’m doing something, if that makes sense.

[LotusRising]

54 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I’m happy to accept the symptoms as long as I’m doing something, if that makes sense.

 

Yes, I can absolutely relate to this. I think making a small reduction sounds like a good plan.

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thanks! I’m gonna give it a try and go from there ✨

[Hibari]

Hi @Comfyquilt

 

I see you are going to make a small reduction. I support you in following your gut. I found that taking an action during my taper often gave me a psychological boost. 

 

You will get through this. 

 

Hibari 

[Comfyquilt]

@Hibari thank you! 

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising I will be updosing. I’ve made a mess of things. I made a desperate decision and started mucking about with pregabalin (stupid as I know this does not work well for me, cough cough 2021).

 

I took 75mg per day for 5 days. I have now stopped. Nothing exciting to report other my disgusting baseline. I think I need to updose and then microtaper the Valium. It’s just been so so long of being in depths of despair for me to go on any longer. 

[LotusRising]

Oh no, I''m sorry you're not feeling better yet!

 

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I made a desperate decision and started mucking about with pregabalin (stupid as I know this does not work well for me, cough cough 2021)

I made the same desperate decision with the exact same drug, so know you're not alone in this.

 

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I think I need to updose and then microtaper the Valium.

If you are certain about this, what is your plan?

 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising you did!? Wow thank you for sharing I feel so less alone. I’ve just stopped it CT as it was 5 days at 75mg. 
 

I’ve talked to my doctor, my pharmacist, a well known benzo survivor and coach and they have all advised an updose. Then I could resume my taper and hopefully get some stability. I know I’m far out for an updose but I’m really not functioning ATM and need to figure something out. I’m very scared about tapering and making things worse as I am not sure I could cope with that 

 

I was going to try going to 2mg and holding there for a week. Then if that is not enough I’ll go up to 2.25 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

I sure did! I was feeling quite desperate for relief from the nerve pain. I took it for about 3 weeks if I remember correctly. It didn't do me any good, so I did a quick taper off. You should be fine to CT after only 5 days. 

 

It sounds like this is something you need to do, so I will be by your "virtual" side to help you through. What dose will you go up to? You're at 1.5mg right?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you ❤️ it’s just been weeks of complete mental torment. I’m trying all my coping skills but I am worn down after 9 weeks. I haven’t really moved from my couch and have had no desire to do anything, I miss myself, I miss my kids (even though they are right here). I was so diligent in taking the correct dose everyday at the same time but just cannot stabilize here. 
 

I am at 1.5mg (pitiful amount) and will go up to 2mg to start. 

[LotusRising]

20 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I haven’t really moved from my couch and have had no desire to do anything, I miss myself, I miss my kids (even though they are right here).

I can truly remember feeling like this and I know it's a terrible place to be in. I really hope the updose helps you. 

 

I will check in  ❤️ 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you ❤️

[LotusRising]

How are you doing @Comfyquilt?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRisingi went up to 2mg. I’ve been here for 2 days and nothing too exciting to report, just about the same. Crossing my fingers that maybe it will work. Still not feeling very well 😮‍💨

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

I suppose it's too early to tell then isn't it.

 

I suspect it's good that you're not feeling worse though. Hopefully in the next week you'll know if it's helping or not. 

 

Hang in there, I will check in with you again in a few days if I don't hear from you. 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you ✨

[Hibari]

Thinking about you @Comfyquilt.

 

It sounds like you got some good advice and support from people you trust. Updosing is a way to take care of yourself because things have been so intolerable. That is a positive action and one that I hope offers you relief soon. 

 

Hibari 

[Comfyquilt]

@Hibari thank you ❤️

[Comfyquilt]

Just journaling here that I had a very decent day. I was able to go to the store, spend time with my mom and I did not cry for the first time in over 60 days. Still frayed and weary and have discomfort in my body and lots of fear but today was kinda ok. 

[Greenowala]

@Comfyquilt So glad to hear you saw improvement today 🥹 not crying for the first time in 60 days is huge! 

[Comfyquilt]

@Greenowala it’s so HUGE! I have had a rough rough few months, it’s been brutal. Today I smiled and laughed and actually was happy. Not perfect but it’s something. It gives me hope I am still in here ✨