Comfyquilt: Hello - issues with Benzos and new med

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt Agreed  

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising can a virus really stir things up? I was WD normal for a while and my kiddos gave me a death cold. I spent all day yesterday hysterical with crying and vibrated most of the night. I am feeling very scared this morning as things seem to have gone from bad to worse 🫣

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

Ugh, I'm sorry!

 

But yes, it's not unusual for an increase/wave of symptoms to hit during or following an illness. It's an additional stress on the body and it can definitely put a wrench in things for a bit. I got covid while I was tapering and it messed me up pretty bad for a full 24 hrs and then started to diminish. I know it's scary! I remember feeling the same way, thinking that all progress was lost, but it's unfortunately just an uncomfortable part of moving forward. It will pass!!

 

And I'm sure your body is already telling you to hold off a bit before making a reduction. 

 

 Feel better! ❤️‍🩹

 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I am so sorry about the Covid! Not the best during a taper. I had it 3 times in 2021 and it may have contributed to my massive fall out in the winter of 2021. Ok no reduction today! Will keep holding and just let my body calm Down 🌷❤️

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

Just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising cold is better! Brain is not 🥴 I am a mess still. Scared to do anything. Scared to stay here scared to taper. Am feeling mighty hopeless and brain damaged. Just trying to survive the days. Not much of a life ❤️

[Angus]

@ComfyquiltHey Comfy, I have read your thread and I want to encourage you. I relate to all your emotions- I am a mom as well in the middle of wd and tapering. You are so strong! I realize the day may seem overwhelming but you are healing and will get through all of this! Angus

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @Angus thank you for the kind words! It’s such a slog isn’t it! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! You will get through this too. Hang in there so so hard. Reach out anytime. Being a mum in this is soooo hard as well because you’re not operating as normal. We can do it! 

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

Brain is not 🥴 I am a mess still. Scared to do anything. Scared to stay here scared to taper.

Oh no! I had thought you were feeling more stabilized? Did something change?

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising I think I’m in tolernace WD with Valium. It happened quickly. I can’t be sure what’s the gabapentin and what’s a the Valium. It’s a mess. I think I feel hopeless because I am so kindled, have made so many mistakes etc etc. I may try tapering the Valium tomorrow but I have no clue what’s causing what. It’s a right mess 

[LostInCanada]

2 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

Just trying to survive the days

@Comfyquilt this cold really set you back but like every challenge before you will stabilize again and get feeling more like yourself. It's such a rollercoaster.

2 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

Not much of a life ❤️

I feel similarly. So afraid to do anything for fear I get worse. One day this will be behind us. 💯🙏♥️

[Comfyquilt]

@LostInCanada thank you for the kind words! It’s just such a battle daily. The worst rollercoaster ever! I want off right now. I have stabilized in the past while tapering. Truly I got better and better as I went down! Both times! Im

hoping my body remembers and I can finally say goodby to Valium. 

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I think I’m in tolernace WD with Valium.

Why do you think this? 

 

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I can’t be sure what’s the gabapentin and what’s a the Valium

What day in February did you start the gabapentin?

 

I can't remember, did you stop the mirtazapine?

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I think I feel hopeless because I am so kindled, have made so many mistakes etc etc.

We've all made mistakes, so you're not alone there. You might feel hopeless, but it's definitely not a hopeless situation.

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising thank you for the kind words of encouragement. It feels rather hopeless some days 😕 but I’m still going! 
 

I don’t feel like Valium does much when I take it I feel nothing. 
 

I started the gabapentin Saturday Feb 3, 2024 and stopped the Mitazapine on Tuesday Feb 13. I got the pill weight down very teensy with the mitazapine even though I wasn’t on it very long, I tried to a short but responsible taper. 

[LotusRising]

Have your symptoms increased?

 

Why do you think it could be the gabapentin?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I think it’s just a mess of both meds. I am feeling ok. I am beginning my Valium taper today. Going down to 3.9mg as per the taper in Mark Horowitz’s new book. Fingers crossed 

[LotusRising]

Such a great book!

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising yes! It’s so good I’m following his very slow taper

[Hibari]

Hi @Comfyquilt

 

I know this is a scary time but your plan to start a slow taper of your Valium is a good one. You'll discover along the way, like you did before, your rate of taper. 

 

Kindling and tolerance are terms that are terms I've often seen used on many tapering sites. In my opinion, that can cause great fear and anxiety. While they are valid in some situations, I think their broad use can create a lot of worry. 

 

I tend to lean toward sensitized when describing a nervous system that's been impacted by medication. When I had my setback and my nervous system was sensitized due to the components in the anesthesia, any medication I took was bound to effect my all ready sensitive nervous system. When I initially took the Mirtazapine, it did nothing for me except revv me up when it was supposed to calm me down. 

 

I share this because I found viewing my nervous system as sensitized, as opposed to kindled or in medication tolerance, helped me focus on treating my nervous system differently. It had been affected but it was still capable of doing the job. I just needed to support it and started back down at a slower withdrawal pace.  

 

The good news was that I continued to heal underneath while I was tapering. 

 

You will too. 

 

Hibari

 

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @Hibari

 

As always thank you for kind and grounding words. Yes those terms are so scary. I’ve scared myself with them for sure. I’m going to try and view this as sensitized, as that’s true. I’m very sensitized. I’m hoping to sneak away from the Valium for good. It’s been a long 5 years of tapering then having to go back up and I have made a promise to myself I will not updose ever again. 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

How are you doing? How did the reduction go?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising Hi friend ❤️ it’s been 7 days since cutting 2.5% and I am feeling ok!! I had a bad day on the 5th day of the cut (my old pattern) but it seems to have gone back to my WD normal now. I will wait another 7 days and then try another 2.5% cut. I think 5% a month is gonna be my speed! 
 

other than that I’ve been dealing with lice! My little gave it to us all 😮‍💨 so that’s been a big distraction. Lots of wet combing and washing. Overall I am ok! 

[LostInCanada]

8 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

5% a month is gonna be my speed

That's a healthy speed...faster than me so good for you. Let your body set the pace.

9 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

dealing with lice!

Oh no. Lots of extra work so make sure you have some downtime. 

 

12 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I am feeling ok!!

So happy to hear.

[Comfyquilt]

@LostInCanada if anything the lice are a good distraction ha! It’s been keeping from thinking about the reduction and all my stupid mistakes. Yes letting my body set the pace is important. How are you doing.??
 

I am doing my psych k work which is really helpful in tapering. Thanks again to @Hibari for getting me hooked on psych k! 

[LostInCanada]

@Comfyquilt I feel like I am in another wave but just rolling with it. 

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

lice are a good

Lolol...it is comical when lice are a good thing. Very small blessings 😁

[LotusRising]

4 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

other than that I’ve been dealing with lice! My little gave it to us all 😮‍💨 so that’s been a big distraction. Lots of wet combing and washing.

Oh yuck! Thankfully, we've never had to deal with that!

 

So glad to hear you're doing okay ❤️

[Hibari]

@Comfyquilt

 

So sorry about the lice situation but happy your reduction went well! 

 

You are on your way back down and I know that can feel so empowering. 

 

Psych-K is the best! 

 

Hibari

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @Hibari yes empowering and a little scary! But I am trying. I hope things continue to go well for you and you are enjoying your beautiful med free life ❤️

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

Hi @Hibari yes empowering and a little scary! But I am trying. I hope things continue to go well for you and you are enjoying your beautiful med free life ❤️

I understand @Comfyquilt

Tapering is scary and you been through quite a rough patch. 

 

You are trying and I believe that determination will pay off. 

 

I'm doing well. Still some healing to go but things continue to improve. I'll be giving an update on my success story thread in a few weeks. 

 

Healing happens. 

 

Hibari 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

Just wanted to check in and make sure you're still doing alright?

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising - I did a 2.5% reduction on March 6 down to 3.9mg. No better no worse, just the same icky not feeling like myself feeling. I’m scared, I don’t feel normal by any means and I just want to be free from all of this so badly. I just want to get back to my life. I am judt holding to see if anything crops in the next few days. I’m feeling really low and sad, I miss my life. I just want to be a good mum and wife and I feel like im not 100% right now. It’s all very sad 

[LostInCanada]

1 hour ago, Comfyquilt said:

I’m feeling really low and sad, I miss my life. I just want to be a good mum and wife and I feel like im not 100% right now.

Sorry to hear but you will get there. Right now try to focus on what you can do. Be accepting of your limitations, be kind to yourself. This is an iatrogenic illness. It is through no fault of yours just like if you had any other illness. You are a good mom and wife. You are so brave facing this withdrawal. Don't ever forget that. Try to enjoy the sunshine and bask in the fact that you are surviving.❤️

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

I hear you. I've struggled with feeling this way too, still do sometimes. 

 

You are still a good mum and wife and anything you're doing to get through this, the kids will see it and it will make them more resilient and caring humans. Try not to get down on yourself about this. I know it's not easy, but you can only do what you can do. Cherish the moments where you feel yourself, this will all just be a teeny blip in both your life and theirs. 

 

It is sad, I agree, but when you get to the other side, trust me, you will feel such gratitude for all the little things and appreciate everything so much more. This experience, though difficult, is shaping you and growing your strength. Try to see the positive on the days where it's getting you down. You'll get there ❤️

[Comfyquilt]

@LostInCanada thank you for the kind words. It’s so hard. I feel so unlike my normal baseline and I want to do all the things I normally do but everything feels so hard. I guess I just keep going day by day. I hope you are coming out of your wave and are feeling a little better ❤️

 

@LotusRising thank you for the kindness. I feel so weird mentally that it’s a real struggle. I feel I’ve plateaued at a weird WD normal. I did an 2.5% cut 20 days ago. Would you suggest another? If I go to 3.7 mg that would 7.62% for the month, or maybe I wait until April 1 and try the 3.7. It just feels like it’s going to take forvever at this rate, but I am also terrified of going to back to where I was in the winter.  

[LostInCanada]

44 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

maybe I wait until April 1 and try the 3.7. It just feels like it’s going to take forvever at this rate,

I think caution is good. It wasn't that long ago you were in bad shape. Don't think about how long it will take. Each cut is a win and a step toward feeling good. You can always pick up the pace when you are feeling more stable. I am sure LotusRising will know best though.

 

46 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

hope you are coming out of your wave and are feeling a little better ❤️

Having 2 back to back threw me but I am doing better. Thanks ❤️