Comfyquilt: Hello - issues with Benzos and new med

[OldDodgy]

@Comfyquilt

 

Hi. It’s very good to see that your withdrawal has been pretty successful and you feel confident. 
You have a huge range of options because of the diaz long half life.

 

 

@Frogie may well have firm ideas on reducing. Some people prefer to even up, others like a good night without early morning anxiety and keep a fair dose at night. 

My only observation is that your daytime doses are a bit fiddly. 
 

If I was able to taper as well as you are doing, I would possibly rationalise initially to 1mg , 2mg and keep the ten. 
 

Then when confidently stable look to slowly reduce the night dose. But I would be interested to see what @Frogiethinks is best. 

 

Good wishes and do go slow. -) 

 

OldDodgy 
 

 

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @Frogie and @OldDodgy

 

i seem to have deleted my signature by mistake as I was fiddling around with it. I will have to figure out how to get edit that. I am down to 10mg of Valium, and have gotten back to work full time. I am taking one dose at bedtime. I have been reducing 0.5mg every 10 days and I seem to be doing very well at this pace. I will reassess if it get hard. I hope you are all well.  

[OldDodgy]

@Comfyquilt

Excellent news. 
So glad. 
take it gently 

 

OD

[Ariel]

@Comfyquilt

Stopping by to say hello and thank you for your kind note in my thread. 

Sounds like you are managing impressively well on your current slow Valium taper. You have my admiration and respect for the patience and perseverance required for such hard work. Good on you. 

Sending wishes of healing and peace,

A.

[Comfyquilt]

@Ariel thank you for the kind words! I’am eating mine so to speak as I am not feeling great today, comes with the territory. I suffer from feeling not like myself which is my WD normal, and most hated symptom. I have to start trying not to fight it so much and just accept how it is right now. Readings everyone’s stories here gives me such hope and let’s me know I’m not alone. Keep well  

[Ariel]

@Comfyquilt

 

10 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I suffer from feeling not like myself which is my WD normal, and most hated symptom.

 

I hear you. I get this a lot, too, in all sorts of more or less subtle nuances and iterations. 

 

11 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I have to start trying not to fight it so much and just accept how it is right now.

 

I am practicing right alongside you. We're in this together (whoever we are! haha). 

 

One thing that helps me with this symptom is touch, so on that note, I offer you a hug --

A. 

[Comfyquilt]

Thank you @Ariel touch is most helpful. I think I will have a nice bath tonight as that works well too. Hang in there 

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @Frogie - I am eating my words from above and seem to be in some kind of hell wave. Should I hold or keep going? It’s been 10 days since my last reduction of 0.5 mg. Thank you 

[OldDodgy]

@Comfyquilt

 

Sorry the dread day ten is horrid. 

We found in the other group that days ten to 14 could be hard.

 

There is nothing to be lost by a week more hold. 
 

You are doing so well. 
 

Best wishes 

 

OD

[Comfyquilt]

@OldDodgy thank you! Normally it hits me around day 5 but I guess this last cut is taking a little longer. I see my doctor today and will ask to hold a little longer. I have to be able to keep working and looking after small humans  

[Comfyquilt]

Hello @Frogie

 

I have been doing so well on my taper but have had an incredible set back. On October 27th I realized that I had run out of my meds (I use compounded liquid), it was Friday and my pharmacy is closed over the weekend. I used older tablets I had to bridge the gap. I was just breaking the 5mg pills in half and then trying to eyeball 1.5 mg from there (bad mistake and bad idea). I called the script in on the Monday and they had it ready by Friday, so I took the tablets for 7 nights. On Nov 3 I started the liquid again. 14 days later the gates of hell opened. I am having every symptom in the book. I realize my mistake as I weighed the pieces I was taking (should have remembered that scale when I needed it) and they weighed roughly 0.055g to 0.060g, they should have weighed 0.040g to match my 1.5mg dose. I’m terribly scared that I’ve ruined my taper. I’m having insomnia, I feel the weirdest I have in a long time etc. 

 

I feel eerily similar as to how I did in 2021 and I’m wondering (despite the dosing error) I wonder if I am poor metabolizer of Valium and it just builds and builds within me. Then I’m cutting and cutting but it’s so built up I don’t feel it much. Then after about two years on the drug the WD just happens all at once, maybe this is what happened in 2021 too. I’m so scared that this may be the case. Is this an insane thing to think? Like I havemega delayed WD because I’m just so full of Valium?

 

I have now been on the correct dose for a month, with some good days but I cannot seem to pull out of this. Any help would be lovely. TIA

 

 

[Comfyquilt]

@ChessieCat is Frogie still around? Thank you 

[Comfyquilt]

@Gridley hello it appears the mods I used to communicate with aren’t around much anymore  could someone give me a hand? 

[LotusRising]

Hi @Comfyquilt

 

I'm sorry to hear you've had this setback. I wonder if you could please update your signature.

 

It sounds like you updosed for about a week (unintentionally) and are now experiencing symptoms since being back on the liquid? 

 

You have probably interrupted the stability of your nervous system - I expect it was getting used to that new dose (pills) and then when you went straight back to liquid, there's been some confusion. Sometimes, it can take some time to regain stability. 

 

What symptoms are you experiencing? What has been your taper rate?

[Comfyquilt]

Hello @LotusRising

 

i have updated my signature. I have tapered from 15 mg of Valium to 1.5 over the last 19 months with minor issues. 
 

yes the updose was unintentional and lasted 7 days. I got back on the liquid on Nov 3 and on  Nov 13 I had all my symptoms return. Insomnia, depersonalization, shaky CNS, weeping, general unease, inner tension, no appetite and generally just feeling very off. I realize now it was roughly a 20% increase and then a 20% decrease. I am feeling very scared. Thank you 
 

 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising also HI! I remeber you from your old name, we chatted here a little. I’m so happy to see you as a mod. Thanks for all your help ✨

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

Hey, yes I recognized you too! You're getting so close to the end  

 

I understand why you're scared, but I suspect it will just take some time for your body to stabilize again. Have you seen any improvements at all in  your symptom pattern? I assume you were stable prior to the mix-up?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thanks for being here for me while I am going through this, I’ve been just so scared and I was like yesss my old SA account, maybe someone can help ✨

 

I was 100% stable and feeling really quite fine. Yes I knew it was the pills as it was exactly 14 days to the day that I felt symptoms, it’s just the waiting is scary and hard. I’ve had 4 days of relative normalcy sprinkled into the last 20 days, there is really no pattern. Last night was my worst night and I was irrationally afraid that I was not metabolizing Valium and had been building up for 2 years and now I was feeling the entire WD all at once. I did not sleep at all last night. My sleep has been very up and down but I did have a few nights of good sleep. Thanks 

[LotusRising]

Yes, of course, you're very welcome! I'm sorry this happened, especially when your dose is getting so low! I'm happy to hear that you've had a mostly uneventful taper thus far  

 

15 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

Last night was my worst night and I was irrationally afraid that I was not metabolizing Valium and had been building up for 2 years and now I was feeling the entire WD all at once.

 

I don't think this is the case at all. Our thoughts tell us all sorts of untruths, especially when we're not sleeping properly, and this seems unlikely. It sounds like you had a hiccup and it might take a bit to stabilize from it, since it was a pretty big updose.

 

If you're having normal days and you've had a few good nights of sleep mixed in, it sounds like your body is trying to stabilize. I would hang out at this dose until your symptoms subside. When was your last reduction, prior to the unintentional updose?

 

 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thanks so much for the calming words, it’s so true that the brain just loves to tell us lies! I am a little better this morning, I slept for 8 hours! 
 

my last reduction was on August 29th - I have been holding here for a little while as I had some family things to deal with. 

[LotusRising]

2 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

I am a little better this morning, I slept for 8 hours! 

 

Such good news!!

 

Let us know if you have any more questions/concerns  

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you. I’m guessing it’s going to be a little up and down. Today isn’t so great. Very sore legs, lots of fear and so foggy. 

[LotusRising]

I'm sorry  

 

I can relate to how you're feeling, and I hope it passes quickly!

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I am guessing this is going to be up and down as I try stabilize. Yesterday was a pretty good day and today I am having incredible inner tension, I feel like I want to burst out of my skin. 

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising I am just wondering if should updose? I keep having very bad days mixed with days of feeling very normal. Yesterday and today have been very bad and scary. It’s been a month now since I corrected my mistake and I am not sure I am stabilizing 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

Are your symptoms tolerable?

 

I can't say for sure, but since it's been a month, your body will have already adapted to the lower dose. As such, if symptoms are tolerable, it may be better to stay on your current dose. Going back up after this length of time may confuse your nervous system and create further instability. There's also no guarantee you'll stabilize if you updose. Anecdotally, some people tapering benzos seem to do well with an updose and some don't. When you unintentionally increased your dose back at the end of October, you reported an increase in symptoms, which maybe suggests your body didn't like that updose. Would it make sense to ride it out? This is of course your decision, as I'm not experiencing what's happening in your body right now, but if it were me, I would stick it out to prevent further instability. 

 

Sorry, I know this may not be the answer you were looking for, but what do you think?

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I’d really prefer not to updose. But I’m not sure about stabilizing here, I guess I can give it a few more weeks. Symptoms are tolerable, very very uncomfortable but I am not feeling any SI or anything like that. 
 

lots of strange bodily things and pretty intense insomnia and anxiety (on the bad days). I do have days of feeling completely well but I cannot seem to string them together. I want to stick it out as this happened in 2021 and I went back to 15 mg added more meds and it was a MESS. I think sticking it out is the best, I just need to try to reduce the anxiety and remember this is chemical.

 

thank you for your kindness ✨

[LotusRising]

10 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I want to stick it out as this happened in 2021 and I went back to 15 mg added more meds and it was a MESS

@Comfyquilt it sounds like you have your answer. I'm sorry there isn't an easier option!

 

Now's the time to lean into your coping skills, which it sounds like you've already started doing, by reminding yourself this is just chemical. 

 

Please check in and let us know how you're doing 💖

 

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising thank you for your kindness. Yes I’m leaning into coping and will keep up the therapy and talking to my husband. ❤️

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising - things seem to be getting worse. I’ve been holding now since the mistake. So Nov 3, it’s been roughly 6 weeks! Not sure if I should keep holding or taper, or just stop all together. Things are quite dire for me ATM and I’m just not sure the best path to take. 
 

any recommendations  would be welcome

[LotusRising]

Hi @Comfyquilt,

 

I'm sorry to hear things are getting worse  

 

What dose are you at? It would be nice if you could get down to 0.5mg.

 

What is happening right now? It sounded like you were starting to get good days here and there, and were even able to sleep straight through back at the beginning of December. What has changed?

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRisinglast night I felt like I was on the cusp of Akathsia, my body felt like it was internally cringing if that makes sense. It was terrifying. My sleep is still ok and I had an ok day on Tuesday with some breaks. I am just nervous that I am not stabilizing and this is getting worse as the body sensations are WILD. Thanks for your help  

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I am at 1.5mg of Valium 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt

 

It takes some individuals a while to stabilize. I wish I could say for sure how long, but unfortunately everyone is different.

 

I can certainly relate to the physical sensations you're experiencing, so I know how uncomfortable they can be.

 

If you look back over the last 6 weeks, is it a general trend of improvement? Do you have a gut feel about what you should do?

[Comfyquilt]

Hi @LotusRising it’s been very very up and down with loads of new symptoms. I think I just have to hold and hope it gets better! 

[LotusRising]

@Comfyquilt it really will get better!! 💖