jonah2001: last dose duloxetine 6 1/2 month ago

[jonah2001]

Yesterday had a 7-8 hours window. 

 

Nice:) window after window. 

 

Than I recognized it came back. 

Now feeling terrible again. .

Why are those waves still so intense.

Since a couple of days, they are even more intense.

 

I have those up and down every 48 hour's. And it repeats since week's. 

 

I have no idea what the next step of healing will be. It's nice to have those windows.. but it's definitely not enaugh to live again. Such an up and down. 

 

Hopefully those windows will get longer. They are very frequent, that means the come all the time. But ending every ******* time.. 

 

And that the waves get easier to handle! 

 

Today I have to suffer and than the next window will come. 

 

Where I forget about WD. And than the next wave. 

 

Up and down.. 

 

I hope it ends. 

 

That's not very manageable with those up and downs..

 

 

[jonah2001]

Day 460: i felt good yesterday evening again. For 6-8 hours.. Started at 3 pm and than felt good until 10 pm.. than it faded and the worse feelings came back. 

In my windows i am so often now almost like my old self. I started doing stuff i did in the past (tech stuff like programming...(no sports so far.. energy is still not there(only little bit of riding my bicycle))).

 

But it drives me crazy, that i went from Jonah to WD victim all the time.

Thinking about my future, about my plans and goals, about friends... Out of nowhere i stand up and think: Ohh let's go out and do that and that. Good morning, let's go out for dinner..

 

And than 7 hours later(Ohh, back to WD again..).

My Excel protocol:

Had somebody of the WD survivors here the same? @KenA  @Armorall? 

 

[Lilly998]

On 10/10/2022 at 11:26 AM, jonah2001 said:

Yesterday had a 7-8 hours window. 

 

Nice:) window after window. 

 

Than I recognized it came back. 

Now feeling terrible again. .

Why are those waves still so intense.

Since a couple of days, they are even more intense.

 

I have those up and down every 48 hour's. And it repeats since week's. 

 

I have no idea what the next step of healing will be. It's nice to have those windows.. but it's definitely not enaugh to live again. Such an up and down. 

 

Hopefully those windows will get longer. They are very frequent, that means the come all the time. But ending every ******* time.. 

 

And that the waves get easier to handle! 

 

Today I have to suffer and than the next window will come. 

 

Where I forget about WD. And than the next wave. 

 

Up and down.. 

 

I hope it ends. 

 

That's not very manageable with those up and downs..

 

 

Congratulations for having sweet Windows Jonah 🎉

I hope it becomes more and more 🌸🎉

 

Do u take any supplements during WD Bec I think that I experience Windows when I take some supplements only .. I was having some sort of window a week ago but it was when I was taking zinc but when I stopped taking it I am having a set back 

[jonah2001]

@Lilly998 No i don't take any supplements. I guess, the only real healer is time. There are some things that accelerate the process, like sleeping enough, good diet, enough water.. Sun light. Walking, little bit of sports. And a lot of patient! 

 

I am now 15 month out. And i relay feel, that i am getting better. Cant even explain how. But i am getting in average so much better.

But to be honsest. To defeat WD. You need some strong mental power, and the will to survive. It's like Hell on earth.

I am not quite sure yet.. but i guess I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It comes very very slowly. But it comes.! 

 

TIME. TIME and more time.

I will write a success story in the next 12 month! That's for sure!! 

 

 

[Lilly998]

10 hours ago, jonah2001 said:

But to be honsest. To defeat WD. You need some strong mental power, and the will to survive. It's like Hell on earth

Yes Yes Yes to this that is why trying to be positive and determined is such an importanat thing .. whenever i can say positive words to myself i do 

 

10 hours ago, jonah2001 said:

TIME. TIME and more time.

I will write a success story in the next 12 month! That's for sure!! 

 

That's the SPIRIT 🌤️and Maybe BEFORE this we gonna write our success story 🙌🌤️

 

[jonah2001]

We will! 🐸

[jonah2001]

Felt good 9 hours.

than 4 hours groundhog.

and now since 2,5 hours horrible

 

 every 24 hours the same cycle comes.

[jonah2001]

Wow, it's like i am changing my personality every 24 hours. Now i am down to dieng. And it holds on for so much longer than i am used to.

After that experience. I will kill one of those doctors. Or destroy one of there lives. the will suffer! They will pay for what they did to me! 

And those toughts, are completely WD related. 5 month ago, i had all the time toughs, off killing people and stuff like that. My brain showed me, of it must look. When i would kill a random person.

 

To be honest. It's traumatizing me.

 

Suicidal toughts, strong violence... like hell.

[jonah2001]

A terrible wave nocked me on my but.

Absolutely terrible 

[manymoretodays]

jonah2001,

I'm taking this from the following topic:

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

Are you feeling desperate or suicidal? 

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

Please scroll down in the link I took that ^ from and you may find the Good Samaritans are available in your country or other access to safe people you can call in your country.

 

And I encourage you to make a call to someone.  We are only an internet forum devoted to helping with tapering and WD.  Please don't make a permanent decision to deal with what is extreme distress around a temporary problem.  I know it's been difficult.  I'm seeing a post from 5 days ago, Monday where you are reporting a Window of 7-8 hours.  Same thing the next day.  So, hold on to those.

 

In the meantime, please refrain from postings like the above, they can have a tendency to upset the whole community here.  I'll quote them now and then hide from view.  We all care.  So deeply.  Please look for some immediate connections on the ground or in your area.

1 hour ago, jonah2001 said:

I am at the beginning again. 

 

Today I will die 

 

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, jonah2001 said:

16 month in WD. 

 

This is my last entry. 

 

I won't allow my brain to torture me like that for so so so long. 

 

 

 

 

 

Please jonah.  Hang on.  Ask for help locally.  In my prayers.

 

L, P, H, and G,

moderator mmt

 

 

[manymoretodays]

From the topic above: 

dated 2017, numbers to call outside of the U.S.A

 

dated 2018 international hotlines

 

2019 UK  Get self help

 

Samaritans NYC

 

The U.S. has  a new system in place also now,  dial 988

 

Take a look at the topic please jonah, if my links didn't take.  Just click on the first underlined link in my previous post, and you'll find some options.

 

Peace out.  And best......take care of your precious self please.  Do it for the rest of us.

 

 

[jonah2001]

This processs is terrrible. I was doing so much better. And now all healing is gone..

[Ninabird]

Jonah, 

All healing is NOT gone. You are in a waves and windows pattern. You need to stop saying you are going to die every time you go into a wave after you’ve been blessed with a beautiful window. You are having windows nearly every day for hours! Most people on this site are only experiencing intense waves. Start focusing on your blessing that you are indeed healing. 
Reach out and help support others who are less fortunate than yourself. Helping others takes the focus off of you and the wave. 
Start a windows journal and write every single window in it. Use crayons or colourful markers. When you are in a wave, go to this journal to calm yourself and to see that you ARE HEALING. 

[Ninabird]

You are wrong, Jonah. You are healing. You are in a wave right now and your mind is lying to you. You are now having windows where before you weren’t. Right there is proof that you are healing. Healing is NOT linear. Five steps forward, three steps back, 6 steps forward, four steps back. 
I can only speak for myself, when I’m in a wave I feel like I will always be in one. It takes a lot of work to overcome this mindset. Thousands before us have healed. I will heal and so will you. 
if you constantly see only the wave and not the windows you’ve been given, that’s a shame because you are robbing yourself of celebrating the wins you are having. You are setting yourself up for failure w a negative mindset. I know it’s hard. Believe me I do. Being positive is a choice. Choose your hard. 
Sending you hugs. 

[Ninabird]

8 minutes ago, jonah2001 said:

Everyone will come to the point, where he want so die. Just a matter of time and pain.

No, I disagree. 

[Chlo]

25 minutes ago, jonah2001 said:

Forget the idea about healing. There is only one solution. Dieing. Stopping  your live.

You won't get better. Forget it. I'm prove. 16 month out. Still terrible.

 

Forget the lie about healing. When your brain is damaged once. It will stay like this forever.

I took the poison for only 4 month. and than 4 month taper.

16 month later i am still suffering like hell.it's not managable.

@jonah2001 I am 14 months of tapering. I have definitely seen signs of healing. It's the wd talking that makes you feel like your never going to get better. I was on ad for 22 years. I'm thanking the Lord that it's not going to take 22 years to heal. Praying rhe Lord's will be it only 2 years. Whatever it be, I will put my trust in the Lord and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. 

I have lost my husband due to a massive heart attack right in front of me during this whole wd process and believe me if I can persevere then so can you. 

I am praying for you sweetheart, hang in there, a window is just around the corner. Don't lose hope 🤍

Hugs, Chlo

[Bestill]

@jonah2001that legit is stuff you keep to yourself and literally pisses me off to no end.  Your body feels what your mind feeds it.  So good luck to your negative energy that you have spewed onto others.  Ridiculous.  If this gets me kicked off then whatever but complete and utter bull **** what you just wrote above.   You are what you think.

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, jonah2001 said:

ou will get to the same point

This is NOT ok to say to someone, period. Do NOT project your negativity onto me or others. We are on here to support ea other NOT to spread fear. Keep your toxic thoughts to yourself. 

[Erimus]

No matter how bad you feel, you can’t say that to somebody @jonah2001. When you are thinking and behaving so irrationally you cannot come and project your pain onto other people suffering so much. 

[KenA]

1 hour ago, jonah2001 said:

it will never end. You are doomed in that WD. 

I am suffering so terrible 16 month out. I can't handle this anymore.

You will get to the same point...

@jonah2001This is not cool at all. You need to stop this. People are trying to heal and they don't need this type of negativity on their posts. Keep it on your thread. Stop doing this to people that need to focus on the positive!

[Lilly998]

@jonah2001 i hope u are feeling some relief jonah .. this will pass so soon for u 

U are having windows daily it is a sign that u are so near to recovery ( me and many here are not having even a 1hr window) don't make these drugs defeat u .. u have been fighting for so long i know but u gonna win in the end

 

God is merciful jonah and u gonna heal soon 

 

Hold on hope 

Stay strong 

[jonah2001]

Hey guys, I am incredible sorry for what I just wrote. That was my WD brain going absolutely crazy. 

This day was probably the hardest in a long time. 

3 things: 

I went in a monster wave (didn't had such a beast for a long time.. I was completely shocked. Those neuroemotions went absolutely crazy. 

 

I had 40 degrees fever, because of COVID. 

 

And my mother is very ill. 

 

 

 

I am so sorry that I wrote bullsh*t like that. When those Intrusive thoughts come out of nowhere. I normally recognize them.. but this time they come so out of the blues that I believed tham.

We are all in the same boat, and will heal. 

It was just the frustrating, the pain... What leads me to do auch a bullsh*t.

 

I am very sorry and ashamed about what I wrote. Never would do that under normal circumstances. 

 

But when you are caught in a WD reality. That is sometimes so brutal.. you do strange things. 

 

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart 💜

 

It's just this 21 year old guy, wanting to live. And his own brain tells him that want be the case anymore. That freak's me out.  

 

And the combination of strong wave, fever and family problems..

 

Sorry 😨😨😊

 

 

[jonah2001]

@Lilly998 Thank so much for the answers. Today was crazy. And my WD brain decidet to travel back 7 month. .

That scared the **** out of me. 

I didn't had those thoughts for minimum 5 week's not. And than they came out of nowhere. Sorry that absolutely drove me crazy... 

I have today 40 degrees fever.. 

 

So my brain went crazy.

 

 

I am very sorry for my messages. 

I am looking at my symptoms normally in a bird's perspective. 

Ohh, brain is telling me I will die because of a heart attack. I had that one.. didn't died..

 

But then, when something old comes back.. I am not used to that anymore. 

 

So sorry for what I wrote. 

 

I sometimes loose my hope because of that Intrusive thoughts. 

[DaBro]

On 10/8/2022 at 7:04 PM, jonah2001 said:

@Ninabird Thank you so much. I hope you are also doing better! 

I'm almost disabled by this WD. I have a muscle cramp wave, that is so strong i can't even walk. Or take a shower. My whole body is cramping. Hope that also will go away.

Keep going @jonah2001  The second year was very hard for me but I healed and you will heal too. Your windows will happen more often and be longer. Stay strong and remember those good times. 

[Ninabird]

I accept your apology. I wish you healing and peace. 

[jonah2001]

Hey Buddy. Thank you so much. It really helps hearing that from somebody, who has made it to the other side. I am so incredible frustrated, because I was doing so much better latlly. Still suffering, but i was optimistic and saw my future again. 

Every time when i reach the "best" Point in WD, a strange wave comes out of nowhere. I have that pattern now for a while. After every wave, i get mostly better.

 

[jonah2001]

Had some very good day's. 

 

Today it hitted me again. 

But, wow I felt so so good. For many hour's.. 

 

But the constant up and down is frustrating.

 

I was so happy. Because there was my old self.

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi jonah2001,

It can be very frustrating the healing process, the Waves and Windows.  Nice to have had your old self visit even if brief.

 

Here's an illustration I love:

Just click the arrow upper right and you'll see it.

 

Do you have some support established on the ground yet jonah2001.  Just some help, or someone to rely on, or even a therapist?

 

Best.  L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[jonah2001]

Thank you fore the message 😧

Yes, i have support  But it's still terrible this process..

[jack9]

Hey jonah 

 

I read you were an athlete.

Im 21 gym rat and because of whats happening i cant do anything.

Its hard i know.

 

But what are a few years in the whole life we have.

I try to say this to myself always.

Im too feeling frustrated.

 

Stay strong we are in this together.

 

[jonah2001]

@jack9 

Hey Jack (i guess that's your name).

Ohh yes, i loved sport, going to the limit and going to the gym. 

 

 

"But what are a few years in the whole life we have.

I try to say this to myself always.

Im too feeling frustrated.

 

Stay strong we are in this together."

 

Yes, it's hard. I was at a wunderfull fitness level.

 

But i am still astonished, that i don't loke like a pice of **** after more than 16 month of only walking.

 

But i just wait until i feel somehow good consintantly... and than i will get my form back in a couple of month..

 

Muscle memory..

 

So just day by day. Until those 2 years are over

 

Happy healing

 

 

 

[jack9]

Wanna keep up with me, we can chat in prv.

 

Me too i feel like my life is ruined but im looking for the future i say that it will be a distant memory and i will be stronger.

 

Im a medical student ( was the third place in my city in my first year in university ) im an athlete too and all of that is ruined now but hey ! Life is not over. We can workout again even if we are 23 or something.

 

Im still going to university because this **** cant beat me. Im from syria and planning to go to germany so i continue my medical studies there ! 

 

Du bist stark ❤️

Translation:  You are strong

 

Edited November 7, 2022 by ChessieCat
added translation

[jonah2001]

17 month update: Still no improvement. 

[DaBro]

Stay strong. You can do this. 💪

 

18 months was my turning point. I hope the same is true for you. 

[jonah2001]

@DaBro Hey, thank you so much for your answer. 

I think I already tourned a corner in the last 8 weeks. The only thing is that i still get stronger waves out of nowhere. They come less often and are shorter. But come from time to time.

 

Had like some better 10 day's and than step back, with some hard day's- It's very slow and unlinear to be honest. And how my waves come and go is also strange. It's not like they come out of nowhere. I see that i am getting worse a view day's. Than the waves reaches it's peak. and than it subsides over the next couple day's. 

I have some awesome day's but i am still with one food in this nighmare. 

 

[ChessieCat]

@jonah2001

 

You said here:

 

On 11/22/2022 at 10:03 PM, jonah2001 said:

Still no improvement. 

 

But you said here:

 

4 hours ago, jonah2001 said:

I have some awesome day's

 

So I ask you, which is it?  Have you not improved at all?  Or have there been some improvement?

 

I suggest you re-read your own post, where I've highlighted the positives:

 

4 hours ago, jonah2001 said:

@DaBro Hey, thank you so much for your answer. 

I think I already tourned a corner in the last 8 weeks. The only thing is that i still get stronger waves out of nowhere. They come less often and are shorter. But come from time to time.

 

Had like some better 10 day's and than step back, with some hard day's- It's very slow and unlinear to be honest. And how my waves come and go is also strange. It's not like they come out of nowhere. I see that i am getting worse a view day's. Than the waves reaches it's peak. and than it subsides over the next couple day's. 

I have some awesome day's but i am still with one food in this nighmare.