Walleebug: almost 20 years on Celexa

[Walleebug]

I began taking 2.5 mg of Celexa and .5 mg Xanax as needed for anxiety after my youngest son was born in late 2003.  Over the years I increased my Celexa dose to 10 mg.  About 4 years ago I started weaning the xanax very slowly.   It took 4 rather uneventful years to completely stop.  I took my last dose of xanax June 4th 2022 with no issues.  In August 2022 I started weaning Celexa.  I completely stopped August 19th.  I was fine with minor withdrawl symptoms like brain zaps and a bit of dizziness.  Some minor mood changes , etc....By the end of September I was having a couple panic attacks (I didn't know it was withdrawl).  On September 28th I reinstated Celexa at 5 mgs.  This is when the true horror began.  I had extreme anxiety, full body shakes, intrusive thoughts(had no idea what these were prior), could not sit still, had to pace constantly,  facial twitching,  it felt like by body was burning from the inside and it would come in awful waves, my heart would pound very hard and my chest muscles would contract. I'm sure I'm forgetting some things.  I stayed on 5 mgs for over 4 weeks because people on online sites said to stick it out and it would go away.  It didn't.  It got worse so I stopped.   I haven't had panic attacks since I've stopped.   My only real symptoms now are still muscle shaking and headaches.   I'm just so terrified that at around a month off Celexa these symptoms will begin again.  Any help is appreciated.  

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Walleebug

 

What we've seen is that mild withdrawal symptoms can cumulate and get worse over time. Withdrawal symptoms are often accompanied by a hypersensitivity to the original drug and other drugs. It appears you had an adverse reaction to reinstatement of 5mg Celexa because it was too high for you.

 

How have your symptoms changed over the last week?

 

Many people find these to be helpful:

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

You might try a low dose of one at a time to see what it does for you.

[Walleebug]

Hello @Altostrata,

Today is day 22 and things are still the same.  So far, everything is tolerable.  The inner shakiness brought on by the startup of the 5mg is lessening.  I still have headaches everyday and yesterday I had alot of muscle twitching in my face.  The anxiety has not yet resumed (thank God). The last time I was in withdrawl it began around day 30.  I am petrified that the anxiety will return.  I'm just hoping that it does not return with the intensity of reinstatement.  Only time will tell.  Thank you for replying.

[Altostrata]

11 hours ago, Walleebug said:

The inner shakiness brought on by the startup of the 5mg is lessening. .... The anxiety has not yet resumed (thank God).

 

This is an improvement. It appears the reinstatement is working. Please treat your nervous system gently while it stabilizes. 

 

Are you getting at least 1/2 hour of mild exercise, such as walking, each day?

[Walleebug]

@AltostrataI'm no longer reinstated.   I had a very bad adverse reaction. I've been totally off 22 days.

[Altostrata]

Sorry, I misunderstood. 

 

It appears the effects of the adverse reaction are going away. The rest of the advice stands -- please treat your nervous system gently in this vulnerable stage, and be sure to get mild exercise every day.

 

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

[Walleebug]

@Altostrata Thank you.  Are you the founder of this website?  I watched a podcast the other day and I think it was you that was the guest.  If so, thank you so much.  Im putting my story here for support but also to be used for research.  Hopefully someday no one will have to suffer this way. 

[Altostrata]

Thank you! These stories have put withdrawal problems on the map.

[Walleebug]

Question for anyone who will answer.  When did the bad withdrawl start?  The last time I was completely off the panic attacks started at around 30 days off.  Yesterday around 3pm my heart started beating very hard and my stomach and legs had the same burning sensation that would spread through my torso and arms when I reinstated.  It lasted for about an hour and then went away. It was not a full blown panic attack.  I felt fine after and still feel fine this morning.   I feel like I can make it through this if I can get at least some hours of relief from the extreme anxiety.  During my reinstatement it was non stop extreme anxiety. I guess I'm most concerned that the withdrawl will be the same level of extremity as the adverse reaction to reinstatement.  I would love to be able to get off this medication.  I never had panic attacks until I had my tubes tied which I'm sure was hormone induced.  Any input will be appreciated.  I am now 23 days off.

[Altostrata]

It is typical that withdrawal syndrome will come in waves of symptoms, which can be quite severe, with "windows" in between. Over time, usually many months, the waves should become less intense and windows longer -- if you don't do anything to further upset your system, such as drinking alcohol or adding more drugs.

 

See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

[Walleebug]

Update: Day 39.  I'm terrified that I'll jinx myself but I want to note my progress.  The first time I stopped taking celexa  I reinstated at 5mg 39 days after stopping because I started having panic attacks.   At the time I had no idea it was withdrawl.  Fast forward to now after 5 weeks of a super severe reaction and I'm 39 days out from stopping completely the second time.  I have had withdrawl.  My symptoms have been dizziness, muscle twitching mostly in my face but also everywhere on my body at times, heightened anxiety but not extreme adrenaline rushes and hyper stimulated brain like I previously had with reinstatement.  Everyday I have headaches but aspirin does help.  I have a very weird withdrawl symptom where my brain sees faces on things that I should not see faces on.  It's like my brain is constantly looking for other people.  So bizarre!  I've never experienced anything like this.  I'll walk in the bathroom and my brain will think someone is in there but it's the shower curtain.   I'll walk by something and by brain sees a person.  Again, so strange!  I do have intrusive thoughts.  I try to shut them down very quickly though by telling myself it's ridiculous and it's just withdrawl.   I've also had another withdrawl symptom that is very strange.  I'll go through small periods where it feels like I'm a giant and the world around me is very small.  Extremely bizarre!  I've never experienced anything like this before.  I have heart palpitations although they are starting to settle down.  I also have random pain in weird areas of my body.

I just would like to note that despite how odd, annoying and uncomfortable these withdrawl symptoms are they are no way near as debilitating as the adverse reaction to reinstatement.   I can function at about 85%.  Sometimes higher.  A big difference between this time and last time is that I know what's happening now.  I know it's withdrawl and I don't let the fear of what's going on take over.  I want to note that during reinstatement this would have not been possible.   There was no controlling the anxiety.  It definitely controlled me.  It was a chemical anxiety on steroids that most of you probably know what I'm talking about.  That is what I'm terrified of having again.   So far so good.  I know I'm only 6 weeks out and that any day it could start again.  I'm just praying it doesn't.   I'll either update again if it does start or update again at 3 months off if it doesn't.   

I hope all of you find comfort and that someday no one will have to experience this.

[Walleebug]

I also wanted to make note of my sleep.  It is getting better.  Previously I would wake up every 2 hours with my heart beating really hard.  For the past week I've been sleeping about 5-6 hours and waking with much less extreme heart pounding.  Hopefully this improvement continues. 

[Altostrata]

6 hours ago, Walleebug said:

I also wanted to make note of my sleep.  It is getting better. 

 

This is a good sign! Please continue  to let us know how you're doing.

[CeruleanSea]

Hi @Walleebug I’m following your story & wishing you the best!

 

Just wanted to share, I’m also getting intrusive thoughts as I reduce my dose. I did not have them before starting on psych meds.
 

I appreciate your attitude to note what’s happening with the intrusive thoughts + seeing faces, but just continue on with your day as best as possible. 
 

Im sending you good thoughts that improvement continues!

 

[Walleebug]

Hello @ceruleansea, 

I'm sorry you're having intrusive thoughts.  Mine were very bad and felt dangerous during my adverse reaction.   My heart goes out to anyone who experiences this.  My mind tries to get me to play that game but I have enough control now to stop it.  Most of the time I'll do the opposite of what my mind is telling me just to prove to myself that the thought is ridiculous.    I read your introduction thread and your symptoms seem very similar to mine.  I had a lot of twitching in my left eye and face.  Lip twitches are the worst because they are very visible to others.  I just have to remind myself almost everyday that it's just withdrawl symptoms and I'll be fine.  Quite honestly things were so bad in October that I welcomed death.  My biggest fear in life and I was good with it if it happened.  It honestly changed my whole perspective.   If I could survive 192/96 blood pressure for weeks I can definitely survive a little heart palpitations or a little dizziness or a little anxiety attack.  Now instead of panicking about panicking I just tell myself " So what if you have a panic attack. You can just lay down for awhile and it will eventually go away. Its just a feeling ".  Fortunately I have not had a panic attack since stopping the medicine.  Thank God!  I'm now 42 days completely off again.  It has not been wonderful but it has not been a nightmare either.  I feel blessed that I can still work.  I do work from home which makes things a little easier.  Ok, a lot easier.  I know severe withdrawl my still come my way but I feel much more mentally prepared than the first time I quit.  I sincerely hope that your taper will go relatively smoothly.  We just have to keep in mind that it won't be pleasant but it's not permanent.   Most importantly we have to remember not to be afraid of it.  Thank you for reaching out to me. 

[Walleebug]

I want to post an update because yesterday was a big day for me and I want to make note of it.  I had not left my home in about 3 months.  Yesterday I left my house at 5:30am and went shopping by myself!  I finished Christmas shopping for all the things I couldn't buy online.  I was fine!  I had some anxiety but nothing major.  Took some deep breaths and it helped. I had a few instances of internal vibrations and some facial muscle twitching but it went away. I shopped at multiple stores for 5 hours. My driving was also relatively fine with low anxiety. The biggest thing for me was that I kept my 3 year old granddaughter overnight for the first time since September.  She used to stay over at least once a week. I missed this so much and she's my biggest motivation to heal.  I was completely exhausted by bedtime but I did it!  I'm feeling so incredibly grateful and even if things take a turn for the worse I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to share time with her yesterday.   

I'm learning about windows and waves. I seem to know by the level of internal vibrations when I wake up how the day will be.  Most days I have no shaking now but a couple of days last week it was pretty bad. The days I do have shaking it usually goes away by 1pm and then I'm fine the rest of the day.  Usually the shaking is accompanied by anxiety but still no panic attacks. The shaking started from my failed reinstatement and is about 85% better now. Anyway, I seem to be making progress.  Hopefully it continues!

[CeruleanSea]

Wow, I’m so glad that you went out!! What a big sign of progress. 
 

And hooray for having your granddaughter overnight! I agree that little ones are so motivating.    
 

 

[Altostrata]

That's great! Sometime a little activity will speed the healing process along.

[Walleebug]

You're right. I live in the country and we have a long driveway.  I walk up and down the driveway for exercise and I always feel better afterwards.  

[Walleebug]

Day 53- Things do seem to be improving a bit.  My brain has stopped seeing the faces and other bizarre things I was seeing previously. The internal vibrations are getting a bit better although I did have one very bad day last week when my whole body was shaking so bad I started to really get worried.  That lasted about 2 hours and lessened but was still fairly bad for about 2 days.  It's mostly my neck muscles now that make my head and upper back shake.  My facial muscles are having less muscle twitches but it still happens everyday.   Mainly my left eye lid and my cheek muscles.   The duration of the twitching is definitely lessening.   My appetite has improved almost too much.  I don't think I've mentioned that I lost almost 20 pounds when I was very sick with the failed reinstatement.   I could only stomach some chicken broth occasionally for almost 6 weeks. I had zero appetite that whole time and even when I was hungry my throat muscles were so tight I couldn't physically eat. My intrusive thoughts are way better and I'd feel comfortable saying they are back to a normal level now. I get annoyed much more easily now although I have little trouble recognizing it and staying relatively calm.  I'm assuming it's still a bit of withdrawl and a bit of being normal and med free again.  Keep in mind I've been on xanax and celexa for almost 20 years so I really don't know who I am without the drugs but I'm excited to find out.  My anxiety level is getting better.  Still no panic attacks since I stopped the medicine.   I'm almost 8 weeks off.  I have noticed that as soon as I feel any stress higher than normal my body instantly starts shaking.  Its like someone has plugged me into an electric outlet and my muscles start vibrating.   It's happening less though and for shorter amounts of time.  I talk a lot about the antidepressant but I've only been off benzos since the beginning of June so I'm sure my brain is still adjusting to that too.  I did a very long slow taper.  Had I known antidepressants were just as bad I definitely would have done the same thing with the celexa.   Hindsight is 20/20 though.  Oh, one thing I want to mention because I've been seeing others mention it on this sight is urine problems.  Most of the time I was withdrawling from benzos I had urine leakage and incontinence. It got to the point i started wearing incontinence pads! I even peed the bed 2 or 3 times!  I was soooooo worried something was wrong with my badder.  This has completely gone away since being totally off benzos.  I have zero problems with it now.  I hope that gives someone hope that it'll get better.  We are healing it just takes a long time.   Well wishes to all of you warriors experiencing withdrawl 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you're doing a bit better. Keep up the exercise!

[Walleebug]

Day 56 8 weeks off- woke at 5 am yesterday and started preparing dishes to take to my grandmas house.  Had a very busy day visiting two different relatives.  No shaking!  No anxiety!  My husband drove and the roads were very snow covered.  This would normally have given me major anxiety but I had none at all.  I couldn't believe the calmness.  I haven't experienced that while driving in years. I suspected that the xanax and antidepressants were keeping me in a perpetual cycle of anxiety since it was never anywhere close to that level before the meds.  Hopefully I was right.  Anyway, I'm continuing to heal.  Still have inner shakiness , vibrations, muscle twitching.  My new symptom over the last week is major joint pain in the evenings.   My whole body will hurt and my joints all over my body make popping sounds.  Its always better in the morning and minimal throughout the day.  I forgot to mention that my headaches are getting much better.  What a relief! 

[CeruleanSea]

I’m so glad to hear you had a great holiday with family! 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear. 

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you’re doing.

[Walleebug]

Day 65- 9 weeks off.  Shakiness is getting much better but still present.   Still having occasional brain zaps.  Heart palpitations are almost gone.  Anxiety is much lower but still present.  Sleep is much better and probably back to normal.   Dizziness is completely gone. Headaches are much better but still present. Facial twitching is much better but still happens.  Pain in the evenings that started a couple weeks ago is getting better.  I just recently went through a 3 day wave of what I'd call depression.   I've never previously had depression but I just felt heavy.  It felt like I was dragging myself around.  I was bored but could not bring myself to do anything.   I was irritated with the world.  Nothing seemed worth doing yet I had a mental need to do something.  Yesterday I felt back to almost normal.   It seems the usual withdrawl is getting better but new strange symptoms pop up out of no where.  Overall,  doing much better.

[Altostrata]

It's a good sign some symptoms have faded. For withdrawal syndrome, it's normal to have The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

[Walleebug]

10 weeks off- Yesterday I went on a road trip to the ski slopes with family.  My first major outing far from home since withdrawl.   I did great.  I had some anxiety during the drive but nothing overwhelming.   My body handled the over stimulation very well.  The lodge was packed full of people and noise.  I had one big brain zap while eating dinner but no shakiness.  Infact my body had no shaking during the entire trip.  Not even facial twitching.  That is huge improvement! I was tempted to have an alcoholic beverage but I resisted.  I don't want to do anything to ruin my progress.  Just out of curiosity how long will it be before one should consume alcohol after withdrawl?

[Altostrata]

Good to hear you did well. 

 

Please consider the brain zap a warning that you're not entirely out of the woods yet. It may be many months before you can tolerate alcohol. Best not to indulge at all for quite a while.

[CeruleanSea]

@WalleebugI’m just catching up.  Wow your good news about the trip is making me smile!

[Walleebug]

Week 11-  I have been having some issues the past few days.  I think I'm in a wave. More facial twitching,  lower back pain, anxiety but no panic attacks, nausea,  dizziness, blurry vision,  loss of appetite,  muscle twitching in my feet, extra tired, burning sensations in my torso.  I'm going to try to get more exercise today and drink lots of water to see if it helps.

[Walleebug]

Day 78- I am in a big wave.  Woke up this morning with torso and head tremors and high anxiety.  Heart is thumping even when relaxed. Face is burning and I'm dizzy.  My husband is sick so I might have caught a virus and this is how my body is reacting.  My stomach and back muscles are contracting a lot.  It's been slowly building over the past few days.  Hopefully it doesn't last long.  I've read that 8 weeks and 12 weeks are common for withdrawl to kick in hard.  Any thoughts?

[Walleebug]

I just can't believe I'm going through this again.  No relief at all today.  Constant inner agitation.   It feels like someone plugged me back in to an electrical outlet.   Burning torso and face.  Shakiness all over.  DP,DR.  My heart beat feels very fast.  Many many muscles contracting.  I haven't taken anything new or done anything differently.   I'm scared this will last a long time.  I'm so scared.

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, Walleebug said:

Day 78- I am in a big wave.  Woke up this morning with torso and head tremors and high anxiety.  Heart is thumping even when relaxed. Face is burning and I'm dizzy.  My husband is sick so I might have caught a virus and this is how my body is reacting.  My stomach and back muscles are contracting a lot.  It's been slowly building over the past few days.  Hopefully it doesn't last long.  I've read that 8 weeks and 12 weeks are common for withdrawl to kick in hard.  Any thoughts?

Hello, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Is it possible you and your husband have covid? New variants aren’t showing up on rapid tests, so even if you have a negative there, it’s possible you still have it. Also, if you’ve had covid in the past, and this is something else, it’s possible this new virus is able to do more harm than it would have before due to covid compromising the immune system long term.

 

Take very good care of yourself, rest up, and try whatever you can to help the anxiety quiet down so you can sleep. Also, especially if you’ve had covid before, please try to avoid future reinfections. Covid affects not only our immune systems, but also our nervous systems, the last thing those of us in Team Taper need!

 

Your body is healing, you’re already on the road to recovery, and it’s going to be all right. Stay in bed and rest as much as you can, this has been linked to better recovery and less chance of long term symptoms. 

[Walleebug]

@littlebird Thanks for caring.  It could be covid.  We have not been tested.  Honestly, I try to stay way from doctors if at all possible.   As crazy as my heart rate was yesterday (I just woke up and it seems better so far) it wasn't as bad as the adr I had in October.   I could actually SEE my heart contracting back then and I did go to the ER.  I will go if I feel it's necessary.   I rested most of the day yesterday.   By last night I was feeling a little bit better.  This morning I still have some inner shakiness and nausea but not as extreme so far as yesterday.   Fingers crossed. 

[Walleebug]

Day 79- today has been better than yesterday but still not good.  I did not wake up with shaking and a pounding heart but it started soon after waking.  The shaking is much less today but still pretty constant.   My inner agitation is still there but better than yesterday. I have nausea and no appetite.   My heart beat feels very strong.  I also have a headache.   I'm managing to work today and I couldn't yesterday so there's that.

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, Walleebug said:

My heart beat feels very strong.  I also have a headache.   I'm managing to work today and I couldn't yesterday so there's that.

I’m glad you’re feeling up to work, but if you have the ability to take sick days and rest, please do. I know how hard this is, and some employers make it even harder. I don’t have paid sick days, if I take a day then I take a loss, so I am not taking the pressures of taking time off from work lightly! 

 

With covid (which makes sense with your symptoms) or any other bug, you’re going to do better in the long run if you rest your body AND brain. The best thing you can do for your recovery is rest. If you have the ability to order food in and take time off work so you can rest like it’s your full time job, please do! Also, I know resting and having other people cook for you is a luxury we can’t all afford, so please don’t feel worse if that’s not an option. If it is an option for you, please take this as your permission slip from the universe to rest like it’s an Olympic sport and you’re going for the gold.