Kieran Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 Hello I’ve been experiencing a heavy depression in recent weeks and am reaching out in the hope of a bit of support if available. It’s been building up to this - having been in and out (and discharged from) various services, finding it hard to engage with therapy as therapist wants to help me process old traumas and it’s taken me months to convince them that the w/d is a MASSIVE trauma. Each time I brought it up they’d try to tell me that this trauma couldn’t be worked on. I’ve dropped out of this subsequently. Neuro emotions are ramped up way beyond pre withdrawal levels and literally finding it hard to trust anyone, constantly doubting intentions and isolating from connection as a result. I feel disappointed/dismayed/angry with everyone. No positivity. My mind feels blank, lacks creativity or the ability to plan or see a positive future; it feels like I’ve been stripped of my soul and essential self. I was a sensitive, loving person and this has been taken away. A real trigger to more depression this week was my best friend coming to stay with me for a night. I made him a lovely lamb curry and felt no reward from preparing it or his enjoyment in eating it. Most troubling was my inability to connect with him at an emotional level. I’m just going through the motions of feeling but inside feel numb and a shell of myself. The withdrawal has had an impact on all my relationships and my obvious awareness that neither I nor my ability to connect meaningfully with anything or anyone makes me want to isolate and give up. I’m barely functioning, haven’t left my house in days and have little quality of life. I had a terrible ‘taper’ of 2+ years of taking one Prozac tablet every one then two weeks. I feel I’ve caused my body and brain considerable damage. It feels permanent, there’re no windows 🪟 at present, just an ongoing numbness and finding it hard to cope right now. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Apologies if this seems negative but I need to speak my truth. Kieran Jan 2007 - Started 20 mg Prozac Early 2008 - 20mg paroxetine. 2009-11 - 20 mg citalopram 2011-2015 - Prozac 20mg again. 2015 -19 -prescribed 50mg of Sertraline. 2019 - I switched to Prozac (taken intermittently) Aug 2022 - Stopped medication June 2023 - reinstated sertraline. 25mg every day. From late Aug 2023 trying to stabilise on 12.5mg daily From Sep 30 2023 - tapered to 11mg of sertraline From Oct 30th 2023 - tapered to 10.1mg sertraline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 I feel your pain Kieran I’m going through endless depression and anhedonia myself and am about to embark on EMDR therapy for previous traumas. I NEVER thought of w/d as a trauma in itself. But I guess it is. I can relate to everything you say about lack of connection making you want to isolate and give up. I wish there was a quick way through this. I’ve found this site helpful and reassuring though, please don’t give up. Have you spoken to any admins about your taper/supplements/other ways of coping when in the midst of a wave? Please hang in there, you are not alone x History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieran Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 Hi @Kat66 - I hugely appreciate your reply. It makes me feel a lot less alone to feel a connection and engagement. Thank you for validating how I am feeling. My withdrawal has made me feel terribly alone so this is a balm. I’m sorry you are also in pain. If I can explain this further, I’ve just been reminded of a book given to me by my father when I was 9 years old, The Little Prince by Antoine de St Exupery. (I’m not good with tech and the picture of the Little Prince is quite big) - 😬 My withdrawal state feels a bit like this. my not altogether secure adult coping mechanisms as a result of childhood traumas have been shorn away, leaving my inner child exposed, isolated, alone, fearful and struggling to cope. I’d been doing some parts work therapy, working with my younger selves, and they’ve felt deeply scared as the adult Kieran is no longer the person he used to be, if that makes any sense. I hope one day I can come back to myself. I hope your emdr sessions go well - I did online EMDR via the NHS in early 2021 and certainly found this modality helped to access emotions and feelings. I really hope you find it beneficial. You’re right, there’s no easy way through this. I’m trying to take it day by day but my looping/obsessional withdrawal mind gets stuck in thoughts of permanency and find it hard to extricate myself from this. I actually just spoke to a Crisis Line via South London and Maudsley (SLAM), which was a little bit relieving. I see you enjoy herbal teas and I’m going to try to take the edge off with a favourite of mine - Twinings Sleep Tea. I recommend it! Wishing you a good night’s sleep @Kat66 and all the best. Thank you for reaching out. Kieran Jan 2007 - Started 20 mg Prozac Early 2008 - 20mg paroxetine. 2009-11 - 20 mg citalopram 2011-2015 - Prozac 20mg again. 2015 -19 -prescribed 50mg of Sertraline. 2019 - I switched to Prozac (taken intermittently) Aug 2022 - Stopped medication June 2023 - reinstated sertraline. 25mg every day. From late Aug 2023 trying to stabilise on 12.5mg daily From Sep 30 2023 - tapered to 11mg of sertraline From Oct 30th 2023 - tapered to 10.1mg sertraline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 Hi @Kieran I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the book, can you give me an idea of the similarities between it and your situation, I’d be really interested to know. 8 hours ago, Kieran said: looping/obsessional withdrawal mind gets stuck in thoughts of permanency and find it hard to extricate myself from this Omg how I relate to this!! This is for me the hardest thing to deal with at the moment. Literally nothing helps as these looping thoughts are w/d generated and as such seem to be much more severe than the usual ‘overthinking’. It’s good actually to remind myself that all these horrible symptoms are w/d related and not ‘normal’ I’ve spent quite a lot of time away from this site recently and have felt so alone in this battle, but in reality everyone on this site is going through the same battles. I find that quite comforting! 8 hours ago, Kieran said: My withdrawal state feels a bit like this. my not altogether secure adult coping mechanisms as a result of childhood traumas have been shorn away, leaving my inner child exposed, isolated, alone, fearful and struggling to cope. I’d been doing some parts work therapy, working with my younger selves, and they’ve felt deeply scared as the adult Kieran is no longer the person he used to be, if that makes any sense. I hope one day I can come back to myself. That does make sense Kieran and I am wondering whether to do some inner child work myself. I too feel like a totally different person from before coming off antidepressants and that really concerns me. I’ve lost all joy and have become a shell. I’m glad you found relief calling a crisis line and in your online EMDR sessions. I didn’t realise it was available on the NHS. Did your tea work? Kath x History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieran Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 Hi Kat The book cover just represented the feeling I guess of the inner child feeling alone and isolated in withdrawal.I was given the book as a child so it kind of resonates in this instance. The tea was good! I had a hot milk too. Was up for ages scrolling web, did a bit of reading too which is a positive. I’ve found it hard to focus in w/d so, (to continue the inner child theme), I’m reading a book I gave to my niece recently, Murder Most Unladylike. It’s what I can manage right now. Baby steps, eh… A thought had just to come to mind of needing to be compassionate to ourselves in withdrawal. How we get to that stage I’m not sure. None of this is our fault. Wishing you well today Kat Kieran Jan 2007 - Started 20 mg Prozac Early 2008 - 20mg paroxetine. 2009-11 - 20 mg citalopram 2011-2015 - Prozac 20mg again. 2015 -19 -prescribed 50mg of Sertraline. 2019 - I switched to Prozac (taken intermittently) Aug 2022 - Stopped medication June 2023 - reinstated sertraline. 25mg every day. From late Aug 2023 trying to stabilise on 12.5mg daily From Sep 30 2023 - tapered to 11mg of sertraline From Oct 30th 2023 - tapered to 10.1mg sertraline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 8, 2023 Share Posted November 8, 2023 Hi @Kieran Ah right, now I get it, I don't have to have read the story. Baby steps indeed. That's what this journey is. One day at a time, one hour at a time. Self compassion is something I try to practice as much as possible but isn't easy, especially when I have so much hatred for myself! I think it gets easier with practice but again, don't beat yourself up if you can't be a master at self compassion on the first day. BABY STEPS!! (that's as much for me as it is for you lol) Take care Kath x History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieran Posted November 8, 2023 Share Posted November 8, 2023 Kath Thanks for your message and good to hear from you - it’s been welcomed on a day of quite difficult thoughts. (Regrets, anger and self recrimination among others). I very much relate to feelings of self hatred. in my case at least I absorbed feelings of shame and blame early on because it was too hard to accept that primary caregivers could be inadequate. Took on THEIR SHAME as a crucial survival strategy to protect the relationship. They were actually never my feelings to hold. It wasn’t our shame. The same self flagellation has been colouring my thoughts today regarding my ill fated decision to stop taking these medications in early lockdown 2020 after 13 years on them. I did an online session with CALM earlier and was gradually able to articulate that this wasn’t my fault. It was the medical system’s irresponsibility to prescribe without informed consent, doctors and psychs who had no awareness or knowledge of safe tapers and a culture which routinely gaslights us with a denial of the iatrogenic harms these drugs can do. The journey feels tortuous today. I’ll try to take it moment by moment this evening. That’s sound advice. I’ve made myself another herbal tea, going to watch some football, eat some pasta 🍝 (that’s emoji spaghetti) and continue with my book. Wishing you a peaceful evening Kath . Take care too. Kieran Jan 2007 - Started 20 mg Prozac Early 2008 - 20mg paroxetine. 2009-11 - 20 mg citalopram 2011-2015 - Prozac 20mg again. 2015 -19 -prescribed 50mg of Sertraline. 2019 - I switched to Prozac (taken intermittently) Aug 2022 - Stopped medication June 2023 - reinstated sertraline. 25mg every day. From late Aug 2023 trying to stabilise on 12.5mg daily From Sep 30 2023 - tapered to 11mg of sertraline From Oct 30th 2023 - tapered to 10.1mg sertraline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 9, 2023 Share Posted November 9, 2023 21 hours ago, Kieran said: The same self flagellation has been colouring my thoughts today regarding my ill fated decision to stop taking these medications in early lockdown 2020 after 13 years on them. I did an online session with CALM earlier and was gradually able to articulate that this wasn’t my fault. It was the medical system’s irresponsibility to prescribe without informed consent, doctors and psychs who had no awareness or knowledge of safe tapers and a culture which routinely gaslights us with a denial of the iatrogenic harms these drugs can do. The journey feels tortuous today. I’ll try to take it moment by moment this evening. That’s sound advice. I’ve made myself another herbal tea, going to watch some football, eat some pasta 🍝 (that’s emoji spaghetti) and continue with my book. Football, pasta, herbal tea - we do what we need to to get through. With me it's soaps/Friends/Breaking Bad, food, and working out/deep stretching/meditation. NONE of this is our fault. We think it is because we were so desperate for a solution to our pain and jumped at the chance of a solution in pill form. What is CALM? Sounds interesting.... Hope you have a peaceful evening yourself Kieran. Kath History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 14, 2023 Share Posted November 14, 2023 Hi @Kieran just wondering how you're getting on, anhedonia wise? History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFo2000 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Hello, does anyone else have experience with antipsychotic or antidepressant induced severe emotional numbness? If so, have any of you recovered from it? I feel as if every emotion has been zapped from me, positive and negative. Can't laugh, smile or cry. Can't enjoy music or movies either. It's a hellish existence. August 2018: started Effexor 37.5 mg (IR) September 2023: increased to 75 mg (XR) October 2023: tried to taper off 75 mg Effexor with Prozac and crashed, was hospitalized 10/1 to 10/6, dose increased to 150 mg, given risperidone 1mg during the day and 2mg at night, decreased to 0.5 mg and 1mg respectively on 10/23. Also given 0.25 mg Xanax as needed November 2023: decreased risperidone to 0.25 mg twice a day 11/28 January 2024: off risperidone entirely 1/8 February 2024: decreased venlafaxine to 100 mg (IR) 2/2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viinncceennt Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Hello @MFo2000. I experience the same thing. I can't enjoy music or movies either. I love my cat and my mother deeply : I know rationaly that I love them but I don't "feel" it anymore. But I can still cry and feel negative emotions (that's what I feel all day to be honest). 1 AD : 2009 - 2012 Lexapro 10mg (CT?). 2015 - 2021 Lexapro 10mg. Spring 2021 - Summer 2021 Lexapro 0mg (CT) Couple of days in summer 21 : Lexapro 5mg, Oxazepam, Cyamepromazine, Risperidone (blurry period, no details) Summer 21 - 27 sept. 23 : Lexapro 10mg (sometimes 5mg, 20mg but mainly 10mg throughout this period) 28 sept. 23 to 4 oct. 23 : many changes in few days (no Lexapro for 2 days, Cyamepromazine for 2 days, Risperidone 1 day 0,5mg and 1 day 1mg, then Olanzapine for 1 day, each day with 3x25mg Oxazepam). Permanent dysautonomia symptoms appeared on the 1st day 5 oct. 23 - 7 nov. 23 : Lexapro 10mg 8 nov. 23 - 14 nov. 23 : Lexapro 5mg + Cymbalta 30mg 15 nov. 23 - 21 nov. 23 : Cymbalta 60mg 22 nov. 23 - 28. nov. 23 : Lexapro 5mg + Cymbalta 30mg Since 29 nov. 23 : Lexapro 10mg Benzo & others : Anxiety : Summer 23 - 8 nov. 2023 : Oxazepam (varying from 0 to 75mg a day). 9 nov. - 7 dec. 2023 : Diazepam (5mg, tapering at 2,5mg from 28 nov.). Sleep : 8 nov. 23 - 29 nov. 23 : Alimemazine (2,5mg) (replaced Imovane (7,5mg)/Ambien (10mg), used since 7 oct. 2023) Since dec. 2023 : Magnesium bisglycinate 200mg, Omega 3 1600mg (800mg EPA/600mg DHA), Probiotics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFo2000 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Hello @Viinncceennt Mine is even worse because I can't feel anything, not even negative. This is driving me crazy and it only got this bad yesterday. How could this have developed after almost 2 months of Effexor 150mg and risperidone? Why not right away? Another thing, I felt brief pangs of anxiety last night, and yesterday while watching a movie I felt what I think was laughter bubbling to the surface (although it never arrived). Is this a sign that the damage is reversible and not permanent? August 2018: started Effexor 37.5 mg (IR) September 2023: increased to 75 mg (XR) October 2023: tried to taper off 75 mg Effexor with Prozac and crashed, was hospitalized 10/1 to 10/6, dose increased to 150 mg, given risperidone 1mg during the day and 2mg at night, decreased to 0.5 mg and 1mg respectively on 10/23. Also given 0.25 mg Xanax as needed November 2023: decreased risperidone to 0.25 mg twice a day 11/28 January 2024: off risperidone entirely 1/8 February 2024: decreased venlafaxine to 100 mg (IR) 2/2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viinncceennt Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Sorry @MFo2000, but I can't really answer any of this. AD : 2009 - 2012 Lexapro 10mg (CT?). 2015 - 2021 Lexapro 10mg. Spring 2021 - Summer 2021 Lexapro 0mg (CT) Couple of days in summer 21 : Lexapro 5mg, Oxazepam, Cyamepromazine, Risperidone (blurry period, no details) Summer 21 - 27 sept. 23 : Lexapro 10mg (sometimes 5mg, 20mg but mainly 10mg throughout this period) 28 sept. 23 to 4 oct. 23 : many changes in few days (no Lexapro for 2 days, Cyamepromazine for 2 days, Risperidone 1 day 0,5mg and 1 day 1mg, then Olanzapine for 1 day, each day with 3x25mg Oxazepam). Permanent dysautonomia symptoms appeared on the 1st day 5 oct. 23 - 7 nov. 23 : Lexapro 10mg 8 nov. 23 - 14 nov. 23 : Lexapro 5mg + Cymbalta 30mg 15 nov. 23 - 21 nov. 23 : Cymbalta 60mg 22 nov. 23 - 28. nov. 23 : Lexapro 5mg + Cymbalta 30mg Since 29 nov. 23 : Lexapro 10mg Benzo & others : Anxiety : Summer 23 - 8 nov. 2023 : Oxazepam (varying from 0 to 75mg a day). 9 nov. - 7 dec. 2023 : Diazepam (5mg, tapering at 2,5mg from 28 nov.). Sleep : 8 nov. 23 - 29 nov. 23 : Alimemazine (2,5mg) (replaced Imovane (7,5mg)/Ambien (10mg), used since 7 oct. 2023) Since dec. 2023 : Magnesium bisglycinate 200mg, Omega 3 1600mg (800mg EPA/600mg DHA), Probiotics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFo2000 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Okay, I understand August 2018: started Effexor 37.5 mg (IR) September 2023: increased to 75 mg (XR) October 2023: tried to taper off 75 mg Effexor with Prozac and crashed, was hospitalized 10/1 to 10/6, dose increased to 150 mg, given risperidone 1mg during the day and 2mg at night, decreased to 0.5 mg and 1mg respectively on 10/23. Also given 0.25 mg Xanax as needed November 2023: decreased risperidone to 0.25 mg twice a day 11/28 January 2024: off risperidone entirely 1/8 February 2024: decreased venlafaxine to 100 mg (IR) 2/2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFo2000 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 I suppose when I taper risperidone down to 0 I'll find out which of these two poisons is causing this numbness. Although that might take months to figure out August 2018: started Effexor 37.5 mg (IR) September 2023: increased to 75 mg (XR) October 2023: tried to taper off 75 mg Effexor with Prozac and crashed, was hospitalized 10/1 to 10/6, dose increased to 150 mg, given risperidone 1mg during the day and 2mg at night, decreased to 0.5 mg and 1mg respectively on 10/23. Also given 0.25 mg Xanax as needed November 2023: decreased risperidone to 0.25 mg twice a day 11/28 January 2024: off risperidone entirely 1/8 February 2024: decreased venlafaxine to 100 mg (IR) 2/2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pidgeon Posted December 8, 2023 Share Posted December 8, 2023 It can drive you crazy, but try to accept it, rather than fight against it, as in this fight against yourself you will only win by waiting it out. 1 ╔═════════════╤════════════╤══════════╤═════╤═════╤══════════════╤═════╤═════╤══════════╤════════════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╤═════╗ ║ Name │ Brand name │ 2022 Jun │ Jul │ Aug │ Sept │ Oct │ Nov │ 2023 Jan │ Feb │ Mar │ Apr │ May │ Jun │ Jul │ Aug │ Sep │ Oct │ Nov │ Dec ║ ╠═════════════╪════════════╪══════════╧═════╧═════╧══════════════╧═════╧═════╧══════════╧════════════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╧═════╪═════╣ ║ Olanzapine │ Zyprexa │ 15 │ 15 ║ ╟─────────────┼────────────┼──────────┬─────┬─────┬──────────────┬──────────────────────┬────────────┬─────┬─────┬─────┬───────────────────────────────────┼─────╢ ║ Sertraline │ Zoloft │ - │ - │ - │ -> 25 -> 50 │ 50 │ -> 25 -> 0 │ - │ - │ - │ 50 │ 50 ║ ╟─────────────┼────────────┼──────────┴─────┴─────┴──────────────┴───────────┬──────────┼────────────┴─────┼─────┴─────┴─────┬─────┬─────┬─────────────────┼─────╢ ║ Pregabalin │ Lyrica │ 300 │ 225 │ 300 │ 225 │ 150 │ 0 │ - │ - ║ ╟─────────────┼────────────┼──────────────────────┬──────────────┬───────────┴──────────┴──────────────────┴─────────────────┴─────┴─────┴─────────────────┼─────╢ ║ Amisulpride │ Solian │ 200 │ -> 100 -> 50 │ 0 │ - ║ ╚═════════════╧════════════╧═════════════════════════════════════╧══════════════════════╧════════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═════╝ Suppl: D3 2000UI, B Complex, Magnesium, Fish oil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princefan777 Posted December 18, 2023 Share Posted December 18, 2023 Why does this feel so permanent? When I've been through my waves of intense anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and dpdr, I've always felt like it will go away eventually, and for the most part they all have. But with the emotional blunting I've had only a couple of windows, and it really just feels like I'll feel like this the rest of my life... 1 2011 (age 10) - 2019 100mg Sertraline then cold turkey'd. Took it very sporadically. June 2021 - July 2022 50mg Sertraline then cold turkey'd again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonardo Posted December 19, 2023 Share Posted December 19, 2023 18 hours ago, princefan777 said: Why does this feel so permanent? When I've been through my waves of intense anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and dpdr, I've always felt like it will go away eventually, and for the most part they all have. But with the emotional blunting I've had only a couple of windows, and it really just feels like I'll feel like this the rest of my life... It's just temporary, you have to remember that. If you have windows, great, it's a sign that you are healing. I went through something very interesting, I only had a few very short windows. I met a woman, I got involved with her despite not feeling any feelings, I was a robot. My erections were very weak, I hardly felt any pleasure from sex. But I continued with it and the funny thing is that things improved very quickly, in 4 months I have more windows than waves and I feel more pleasure on the sexual level. I am closer to my normal. I think we need to stimulate ourselves, that's what I did. I was afraid everything would go wrong, but what could I lose? We don't live waiting for a cure, we heal by living. Time will pass, have confidence in yourself, this is all normal. Big hug! 1 24yMale 2017- Serteline (6months) 2022-2023 Trazodone (1 year): 50mg up to 100mg Stoped cold turkey on 31 of Dececember 2022 Withdrawal Simptons since then: -panic attacks (never had before); -anhedonia (never had before); -erectil disfuntion (never had before); -numbness of the genitals (never had before); -depression; -insomnia; -windows and waves pattern; -claustrophobia (never had before); -neuro-emotions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withhopeinmyheart Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 On 12/19/2023 at 6:55 PM, Leonardo said: We don't live waiting for a cure, we heal by living. This sounds so right yet scares me so much. My current wd state is frozen in fear. I can't break it, can't push through it. So I sit and wait, feel close to nothing, other than the negative things. Waiting for the night. Do I heal by living? Scared... Escitalopram August 2015 - 20mg Some time in winter 2017 down to 10mg with no problems May 21 2018 5mg, June 4 2018 2.5mg, June 18 2018 0mg October 2 2018 arriving in hell Reinstated 0.25mg October 27 2018 0.35mg, November 23 2018 0.5mg, November 24 2018 0.6mg November 28 2018 0.5mg and holding since June 2019 Finally stable at 0.5mg January 2020 - Dezember 2023 tapered to 0 without many issues, jumped from 0.02mg January 3 2024 crash Taking fish oil and magnesium L-Thyroxin 75 for Hashimoto's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allison48 Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 Has anyone experienced a long wave that lasts months? I had windows in the beginning of withdrawal, but after 6 months I stopped having full windows. I’m 11 months off and have felt severely depressed consistently. Can anyone else relate? Life feels like the upside down or black mirror, with everything being attached the emotion of “what’s the point? 2018-2020 Lexapro 10mg 2020-2023 Pristiq 50mg February 2023 Pristiq 25mg March 2023 Pristiq 0mg *fast taper due to extended release* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johni Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 Hello @Allison48. I would like to know what you mean by depression. Do you also have suicidal thoughts? 2023.01.27 1,6 mg 2023.01.29 1,5 mg 2023.02.27 1,35 mg 2023.03.30 1,2 mg 2023.04.18 1,1 mg 04,26 1,05 mg 2023.01.26 1,05 mg 2023.02.27 .27 .20. .21 0,8 mg 2023.07.14 0,65 mg 2023.08.20 0,45 mg 2023.09.20 0,25 mg 2023.11.14 000000000!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allison48 Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 I want to live and get through this, the thoughts are more “what’s the point?” and “there’s so many people in this world, why do I matter?” - I have a therapist and I’m able to separate myself from these thoughts. I’m just worried since I haven’t had a full window where I felt normal for almost 6 months. 2018-2020 Lexapro 10mg 2020-2023 Pristiq 50mg February 2023 Pristiq 25mg March 2023 Pristiq 0mg *fast taper due to extended release* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johni Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 My therapist doesn't call it depression. I feel for you. I haven't taken my medicine for 4 months, but my head is in complete chaos. Constant negativism, non-stop intrusive thoughts. 1 2023.01.27 1,6 mg 2023.01.29 1,5 mg 2023.02.27 1,35 mg 2023.03.30 1,2 mg 2023.04.18 1,1 mg 04,26 1,05 mg 2023.01.26 1,05 mg 2023.02.27 .27 .20. .21 0,8 mg 2023.07.14 0,65 mg 2023.08.20 0,45 mg 2023.09.20 0,25 mg 2023.11.14 000000000!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allison48 Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 It’s the thoughts, but the thoughts are attached to dark emotions. Life feels meaningless, so it’s definitely depression for me. I really hope it’s also withdrawal depression, since I never felt this depressed in my life. 2018-2020 Lexapro 10mg 2020-2023 Pristiq 50mg February 2023 Pristiq 25mg March 2023 Pristiq 0mg *fast taper due to extended release* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farm24 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 On 9/7/2022 at 2:36 PM, Sofa said: Has Anyone else experienced numb muscle? I cant Feel my muscle, or the rest of my body for that matter. Muscle and skin is totally numb. Cant Feel any weight or contraction or tiredness or soreness in muscle at all. Total anesthesia. Yes! I go from this to my muscles contracting! Sertaline- tried 50 mg beginning of June 2023. Caused hyperreflexia. So stopped after one dose. Tried several smaller doses that month. Had burning and twitching so just stopped. Lexapro June of 2023' 2.5 mg for two weeks July of 2023 5 mg for two weeks July of 2023 7.5 mg for 2 weeks August to mid September 10 mg Mid September reduced to 7.5 October to October 15 reduced to 5 October 15 to October 30 reduced to 2.5 October 30-off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tale Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 I've read some of the posts in this thread and I can relate so much. I fell in love with someone before I ever took ADs and it was around one year of taking them I realized I didn't feel a thing for this person anymore. It was very surreal. I never connected that to the meds. I also started feeling like I had to force myself to smile to other people and laugh at their jokes. The funny thing is that I thought I had always been this way, but now I realize how wrong I was. I am still taking 0.6 mg of escitalopram, but for the first time in 6 years I am rarely having moments of very intense pleasure. The first time was 3 months ago. I was listening to the playlist I usually listen to, but then one of the songs started playing. I had listened to that song plenty of times before and I never felt a thing. But that time I felt something so intense and crazy. It was like I was introduced to a new feeling because of how long it had been since the last time I felt that way. The feeling of joy, pleasure and maybe some nostalgia was so big I got chills all over my body and I ended up crying tears of joy. That lasted for some days until it went away. Just a week ago I had a similar experience, but this time there was no crying. I think it is going away too. These moments are the only things that keep me going and having hope. I don't want to die only because I want to experience those feelings again. Especially now that my body reminded me I am capable of feeling that way. Maybe this post can give hope to others. November 22th 2023 - stopped norethisterone after 6 years September 2018 - sertraline 50 mg (not anymore) Spring 2022 - 4 month sertraline taper August 2022 - escitalopram 10 mg December 2022 - escitalopram 20 mg February 2022 - two week transition to bupropion (not anymore) March 2022 - escitalopram 5 mg reinstatement, bupropion cold turkey escitalopram taper: 1/Apr/23 4 mg, 1/May/23 3 mg, 18/May/23 2 mg, 9/Jul/23 1 mg, 13/Aug/23 0.9 mg, 24/Aug/23 0.8 mg, 11/Sep/23 0.72 mg, 9/Oct/23 0.648 mg, 16/Nov/23 0.616 mg, 11/Dec/23 0.6 mg, 20/Apr/24 0.591 mg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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