Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

[Rbvdk]

Did anyone else see a health proffesional about these symptoms? I just saw a psychiatrist about my anhedonia symptoms, depression (which I never had before the drugs), and akathesia, and she told me it could be the beginning of schizophrenia. I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

[Ariel]

Hello @Rbvdk

 

31 minutes ago, Rbvdk said:

Did anyone else see a health proffesional about these symptoms? I just saw a psychiatrist about my anhedonia symptoms, depression (which I never had before the drugs), and akathesia, and she told me it could be the beginning of schizophrenia. I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

 

I'm sorry you had this experience. 

Unfortunately it doesn't surprise me, because this is how psychiatry is, and this is what psychiatrists do. 

 

To me, "it could be the beginning of schizophrenia" sounds like standard psychiatric bullsh*t. 

I was once diagnosed with schizophrenia, many years ago. It was completely false, I do not have schizophrenia. 

Today I understand that what I was going through back then was classic full-blown psychotropic drug withdrawal -- but I didn't know it at the time, and neither did the doctors. 

All they know how to do is diagnose based on the bogus DSM and prescribe drugs based on Big Pharma marketing material. 

So they diagnose and prescribe, and diagnose and prescribe, because that's what they know how to do. 

To a hammer everything looks like a nail.

I have long since abandoned the psychiatric paradigm and do not include psychiatrists in the category "health professionals". 

I am not in your body and I don't know what it is to be you. 

I can only say that based on personal experience, and based on reading through some of your thread, I cannot imagine you suddenly have schizophrenia. Just my gut feeling. 

 

If I were you I would stop looking to psychiatry for answers. 

Chances are if you -- or anyone else -- go to a psychiatrist, you will leave there with either a new/expanded diagnosis or a new/expanded prescription or most likely both. Not because of you but because of them. 

The people I know who do not have psychiatric diagnoses are by and large not "mentally healthier" than those who do have diagnoses; the only difference is that those without diagnoses have never been to a psychiatrist. 

 

Trust yourself, listen to your body. 

Trust the windows you've been having and the experience of improvement.

Keep working those non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

You might also want to review useful information on Neuro-emotions and Techniques for Managing.

 

Akathisia, anhedonia, and depression (i.e. low mood, negative thinking, fatigue, etc.) are all common in withdrawal.

There are plenty of success stories from people who have recovered.   

There are also numerous help topics about these symptoms, for example this very one. 

I believe you have posted before about struggling with health anxiety, which is something that can be exacerbated in/by WD. 

Many SA members deal with this, as evidenced by discussions in previous linked topic as well as here. 

 

If you must consult a doctor at some point to rule out the possibility of disease, do your research and vet that person to ensure they are qualified and competent (and not a psychiatrist), open-minded, and preferably with a holistic approach. Just my opinion.

 

Hang in there. 

WD is temporary, it will pass. 

Healing is happening! 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

[Elaine5]

I was on an off Lexapro for the last two years, at times with Wellbutrin, Xanax, a 5htp supplement when I stopped antidepressants, back on Wellbutrin, Buspar. 

 

I never had any massive issues ON any of those meds other than genital numbness/some blah feeling. 

 

I have major issues AFTER stopping. It is very confusing me not having known about the cumulative effects of psych meds. I was told that classic lie, that once a drug is out of your system, that's it, it's gone. 

 

I am currently experiencing many disturbing effects of these meds. Most frightening to me is emotional anesthesia, a complete inability to get into/feel excited about anything (anhedonia), as well as total sexual response shutdown (PSSD). 

 

It's hard to distinguish where PSSD, anhedonia, blunting, begin/end. They all seem intertwined for me. If I can't get excited about anything, how can I become aroused? If I can't feel attraction, what is there to get excited about? Etc. 

 

At first I thought I was a mild case. Then the more I read of posts like this, I realize, oh crap- I seem to have that too, maybe I should be freaking out more. I'll tell you, I sure felt a lot better when I didn't realize how severe my symptoms were. Reading posts like this and finding commonality with people who are really suffering has made me feel worse, to be honest. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. However, that does go to show the power of the mind. 

 

Alas, what am I going to do about it? I am aware of the absence of my usual self. However, I am also aware that she is here, bunkering down, hoping with what is left of that fleeting emotion, to one day feel alive again. I know that because I desperately WANT her back. If I was gone, I couldn't feel that. 

 

It is an eery, uncomfortable place to feel such stillness. Such unnerving calm. I feel perpetually subdued although I haven't touched any antidepressants in months. There seems to be a pattern amongst certain individuals who have made frequent med changes or incorporated multiple medicines in short time periods. Something perhaps adjacent to withdrawl, but perhaps different. Hopefully still recoverable. 

 

I have found solace in my mom, food, sleep, and sunshine. Occaisonal windows of a burst of energy, humor, fleeting thoughts of romance, a spark of excitement when connecting with another person... hope. I am going to put hope first for as long as I can. 

[Sofa]

Has Anyone else experienced numb muscle?
 

I cant Feel my muscle, or the rest of my body for that matter. Muscle and skin is totally numb. Cant Feel any weight or contraction or tiredness or soreness in muscle at all. Total anesthesia. 

[Rbvdk]

On 8/19/2022 at 12:15 PM, Ariel said:

Hello @Rbvdk

 

 

I'm sorry you had this experience. 

Unfortunately it doesn't surprise me, because this is how psychiatry is, and this is what psychiatrists do. 

 

To me, "it could be the beginning of schizophrenia" sounds like standard psychiatric bullsh*t. 

I was once diagnosed with schizophrenia, many years ago. It was completely false, I do not have schizophrenia. 

Today I understand that what I was going through back then was classic full-blown psychotropic drug withdrawal -- but I didn't know it at the time, and neither did the doctors. 

All they know how to do is diagnose based on the bogus DSM and prescribe drugs based on Big Pharma marketing material. 

So they diagnose and prescribe, and diagnose and prescribe, because that's what they know how to do. 

To a hammer everything looks like a nail.

I have long since abandoned the psychiatric paradigm and do not include psychiatrists in the category "health professionals". 

I am not in your body and I don't know what it is to be you. 

I can only say that based on personal experience, and based on reading through some of your thread, I cannot imagine you suddenly have schizophrenia. Just my gut feeling. 

 

If I were you I would stop looking to psychiatry for answers. 

Chances are if you -- or anyone else -- go to a psychiatrist, you will leave there with either a new/expanded diagnosis or a new/expanded prescription or most likely both. Not because of you but because of them. 

The people I know who do not have psychiatric diagnoses are by and large not "mentally healthier" than those who do have diagnoses; the only difference is that those without diagnoses have never been to a psychiatrist. 

 

Trust yourself, listen to your body. 

Trust the windows you've been having and the experience of improvement.

Keep working those non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

You might also want to review useful information on Neuro-emotions and Techniques for Managing.

 

Akathisia, anhedonia, and depression (i.e. low mood, negative thinking, fatigue, etc.) are all common in withdrawal.

There are plenty of success stories from people who have recovered.   

There are also numerous help topics about these symptoms, for example this very one. 

I believe you have posted before about struggling with health anxiety, which is something that can be exacerbated in/by WD. 

Many SA members deal with this, as evidenced by discussions in previous linked topic as well as here. 

 

If you must consult a doctor at some point to rule out the possibility of disease, do your research and vet that person to ensure they are qualified and competent (and not a psychiatrist), open-minded, and preferably with a holistic approach. Just my opinion.

 

Hang in there. 

WD is temporary, it will pass. 

Healing is happening! 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

Thank you so much, I can't even express how much reading this has reassured me! I really appreciate it. I'll take a look at those links.  And yeah I've lost all faith in all the doctors I've seen, I'm so shocked by the lack of knowledge when it comes to drug withdrawals, you'd think they'd be the experts. Thank you again, stay safe and take care!

[Doctorsrcrap]

For people who can't cry. How long does this take to stop being a problem. I feel like all this negativity is stuck inside and I have no way of releasing it. 

I can't stand it

[Kyle1234]

Can anyone provide reassurance about what’s happening?

 

I’ve noticed rapid onset of complete emotional anasthesia, both positive and negative which came on after my brain felt like it seized up completely and took away all physical symptoms almost overnight. I was really looking forward to getting myself back to my old self but now I have complete apathy about the situation - worse than when I was on the medication (I am 4 months off). I am so worried that this is permanent even though I don’t feel worried about it?

 

I feel as though my brain has permanently shifted since taking the medication. When I first started 100mg of sertraline it took away all anxiety overnight and it didn’t change whether I took it or not so I became very erratic with the doses. The only time I noticed improvement was when I jumped back on 50mg after a taper which seemed to ‘jump start’ my system and when I came off again I started to notice my old emotions come back.

 

Inside my head it feels like there is a valve in the brain stem which closes up more and more and I feel less and less as a result. The PSSD has also got worse that nothing works.

 

Does anyone have anything which can help reassure me? I feel as though I’ve lost everything about who I am.

 

Thank you!

[hennie86]

.

[miomio]

Did your Text dissapear? 

[Joey805]

On 11/25/2022 at 7:09 AM, Kyle1234 said:

Can anyone provide reassurance about what’s happening?

 

I’ve noticed rapid onset of complete emotional anasthesia, both positive and negative which came on after my brain felt like it seized up completely and took away all physical symptoms almost overnight. I was really looking forward to getting myself back to my old self but now I have complete apathy about the situation - worse than when I was on the medication (I am 4 months off). I am so worried that this is permanent even though I don’t feel worried about it?

 

I feel as though my brain has permanently shifted since taking the medication. When I first started 100mg of sertraline it took away all anxiety overnight and it didn’t change whether I took it or not so I became very erratic with the doses. The only time I noticed improvement was when I jumped back on 50mg after a taper which seemed to ‘jump start’ my system and when I came off again I started to notice my old emotions come back.

 

Inside my head it feels like there is a valve in the brain stem which closes up more and more and I feel less and less as a result. The PSSD has also got worse that nothing works.

 

Does anyone have anything which can help reassure me? I feel as though I’ve lost everything about who I am.

 

Thank you!

 

I took 150mg Sertraline for around 7 years before stopping cold turkey 1 year ago. I was prescribed for anxiety and PTSD.

 

My main issue has always been anhedonia which leads to consequential depression. Since things barely triggered my reward system, I became very poorly motivated (why bother if I don't feel anything anyway) which means the rate at which I achieved things or did things that made me happy had been stunted, causing self-image and self-esteem issues and overall a pretty drab life compared to who I was before.

 

That being said, I think I can offer some reassurance. It gets better. I can feel my emotions fighting to return to the surface. I cry deeply when loved ones pass away, I'm moved by emotional moments in films, and more frequently I'm doing things for myself to make myself happy. Therapy has been very helpful in this regard due to having someone hold me accountable and help push me to trigger emotional experiences (my "homework" usually consists of challenges like go to a public event, write a song, buy myself a gift). I find that I'm more capable of emotions than I thought, it's just that the anhedonia keeps me from encountering emotional triggers in the first place. Of course I don't feel anything if all I did today was sit at my desk and do nothing. But if I make a concerted effort to expose myself to something emotionally touching, the feelings start to resurface. 

 

My advice would be to do your best to act like someone who feels. In that emotionally numb state, you may not feel like going out, or engaging in an activity, because you aren't feeling much. But if you make an effort to try those things anyways, I think you'll surprise yourself. I recently went to a backyard concert with a few friends, and I had so much fun I was actually shocked when I realized how disconnected I had become from that feeling. You won't feel alive unless you do something that makes you feel alive. In essence, fake it 'till you make it. You'll catch more and more glimpses of yourself.

 

I'm far from 100%, but I'm so much more well off than I was a year ago it's practically a miracle. I believe this will be the case for you too in time.

[Elaine5]

For nearly two weeks I had beautiful breaks in anhedonia and depersonalization. I even had fun. Watching tv was engaging, going for walks was peaceful, joking around was silly… it felt really good. Some days I even got up and felt excited for the day and to be feeling better. 
 

I even messaged some guys I sort of like and tried to set up plans for the weekend. And this is a big deal because of sexual anhedonia and loss of libido.

 

I was so hopeful. Then the last two days have been back to pretty depersonalized, flat, and not connecting with anything. 
 

but man, what a window! 
 

does anyone else experience the sexual anhedonia along with anhedonia? Is that a given or not? I’d say I’ve had improvements in physical pssd and now it’s more of a libido issue than a physical functioning issue. Is this included in emotional anesthesia generally? 
 

im still pretty lacking in passion in that regard. I haven’t “swooned” in many months. 

[Altostrata]

Wow, @ElaineBenes5, what a change from your earlier tone of voice!

 

Yes, emotional anesthesia and lack of libido often occur together. But you are seeing windows for both, apparently, and on the way to recovery (which will be slow and frustrating).

[Elaine5]

Leaving this here for when anyone with the anhedonia and emotional anesthesia needs some inspiration: 

 

[Elaine5]

@Altostrata, that means a lot to me! I sure hope so. Slow and frustrating for sure. Elusive! 
 

 

on a different note, I have always tried really hard throughout this process to FORCE myself to react, respond, or produce some sort of reward cascade. If I’m feeling zonked out, I’ll watch something to try and force distraction, entertainment, or whatever. Lately I’ve been wondering, maybe there is a reason not to be feeling much of anything and if forcing it (albeit unsuccessfully) is actually prolonging the process… 

 

If you had to rebuild a dam, that would take a lot of focus and energy. If you had to rebuild a dam while putting on a puppet show, that would be weird, but more importantly, would detract from your ability to repair the dam. And the puppet show would probably be mid anyway. So, this is probably in keeping with the “accept and float” mentality, but as scary as it is and awful as it is just to be, exist, sort of in an sensory deprivation tank of existence, maybe this is just your body diverting valuable resources from entertainment to healing. Maybe all these symptoms of withdrawl, or some of them, are less damage itself and more a combination of redirected resources as well as an alarm mechanism. Animals have safety mechanisms to deter predators and threats, if your central nervous system can’t determine where or why a threat is bombarding it or depriving it of certain chemicals, how else would it get your attention and signal a great big STOP doing whatever it is your doing. 
 

These are really just late night ramblings, but they have helped me reframe some elements of this endeavor without the framework of fear or permanency. Hope that helps someone else reading this thread. 
 

so if you’re feeling totally disconnected and anheodnic, watching tv and even struggling to feel entertained or in the moment there, just breathe. it doesn’t mean you’re hopeless, it just means that today, your brain isn’t going to try and repair the dam AND put on a puppet show for you. I think that’s a choice that makes sense! One day that dam will be repaired though. 

[Plowie78]

Hey guys, I hope all is well for everyone

I'm currently 7.5 weeks CT from sertraline and have been experiencing emotional numbing that has seen some improvement 

Does anybody feel like they have forgotten what emotions feel like? 

I feel emotions and moods that spark up throughout the day that are 99% negative very rarely positive and I have a hard time identifying what they actually are or they feel 'wrong' or different, sometimes they don't, specifically sadness feels normal.

as soon as the feeling is back it is very difficult or impossible to remember what that emotion feels like until it's felt again 

I know that emotions and memory are tied together extremely closely so it makes sense but I haven't read of someone complaining of this issue before

From my point of view, it feels like my emotional intelligence has been smashed into a million pieces and I have to piece it all back together again and it's exhausting but I know there are people far worse than me so I'm lucky 

[Plowie78]

On 1/13/2023 at 11:05 AM, ElaineBenes5 said:

does anyone else experience the sexual anhedonia along with anhedonia? Is that a given or not? I’d say I’ve had improvements in physical pssd and now it’s more of a libido issue than a physical functioning issue. Is this included in emotional anesthesia generally? 

I have seen improvements in erections substantially, actually it's almost viagra like now and physical attraction is very much there but libido is non-existent 

I believe libido and emotions are tied together and once your emotions improve your attraction and libido will follow, I have noticed that as my emotions have become somewhat better my libido has followed very slowly behind, I don't think you could be emotionless and 'in the mood' at the same time as that would be an emotion 

[Plowie78]

I'm starting to feel a lot better, I have an interest in a lot of activities, the new harry potter game came out and I'm loving playing it, I think it kind of kindled something inside of me as I was always a fan of the books and films, my emotional range has opened up, ever so slowly First it started out with a feeling of either positive or negative and has kind of widened but is still not as 'vivid' as I would like or how it was pre ssri it's like half of the emotion is an unconscious reaction and the rest is like an 'outline' that I can feel, in terms of libido that has improved as well, it's like it's unconscious with some outline of 'hornyness' haha

 

All of these are positive improvements that I wouldn't have believed to have happened

[Johni]

Hello. I would like to inquire. For whom, how did apathy develop during withdrawal. did it just gradually get worse or did it just appear at a certain level and was there from then on?

[18yoldoffZoloft]

On 11/25/2022 at 6:09 AM, Kyle1234 said:

Can anyone provide reassurance about what’s happening?

 

I’ve noticed rapid onset of complete emotional anasthesia, both positive and negative which came on after my brain felt like it seized up completely and took away all physical symptoms almost overnight. I was really looking forward to getting myself back to my old self but now I have complete apathy about the situation - worse than when I was on the medication (I am 4 months off). I am so worried that this is permanent even though I don’t feel worried about it?

 

I feel as though my brain has permanently shifted since taking the medication. When I first started 100mg of sertraline it took away all anxiety overnight and it didn’t change whether I took it or not so I became very erratic with the doses. The only time I noticed improvement was when I jumped back on 50mg after a taper which seemed to ‘jump start’ my system and when I came off again I started to notice my old emotions come back.

 

Inside my head it feels like there is a valve in the brain stem which closes up more and more and I feel less and less as a result. The PSSD has also got worse that nothing works.

 

Does anyone have anything which can help reassure me? I feel as though I’ve lost everything about who I am.

 

Thank you!

Hi Kyle! Has this gotten better for you?? Im experiencing the same thing right now and I feel like I'm gradually deteriorating,, I also feel like I don't remember what it was like to feel like I used to and it feels like my brain is making this anhedonic, dp/dr, PSSD state my new normal which is terrifying. I also don't care about my situation although I know I do deep down I just feel complete apathy so I can't FEEL that I care. I'd like to think about all of this as my brains way of protecting itself because of all the sht its gone through but I'm scared I'm getting worse so I'm not sure what to do. Are you also experiencing memory/cognition issues?? I'm scared I'm forgetting who I am and I feel stuck in this warped reality state I honestly feel really dead :(( I'm sorry I said a lot but I found your posts really relatable and am hoping to talk with someone about this,, I really hope you're doing better ❤️

 

-Julia

[BelaLugosi]

@18yoldoffZoloft you said it so well

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

On 8/19/2022 at 5:56 AM, Rbvdk said:

Did anyone else see a health proffesional about these symptoms? I just saw a psychiatrist about my anhedonia symptoms, depression (which I never had before the drugs), and akathesia, and she told me it could be the beginning of schizophrenia. I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

 A lot of people have these and are not schizophrenic. Im not sure how aware you doctor is that mental illness and withdrawal over lap in symptoms.

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Posting and update with anecdotal  findings (I have posted this other places but wanted to post here as well) I don't believe this post breaks any rules but if it is inappropriate for any reason I will edit or understand that it must be removed.

Personally my anhedonia was in a state that I was a wall watcher who felt nothing but the dreaded void. Emptiness is so painful. I barely managed the motivation to get to the bathroom. I was spoon fed by family because I had no motivation to lift the fork to my mouth. Chewing was a chore. Didn’t want to interact with people, couldn’t read emotions. Only activity was internet. Groundhog Day. I kept thinking why am I living existing for these people? (My family was the only reason I had and it was a thin thread) my partner cried every day. My brother avoided me because I was nothing but a shell.

Now I can eat by myself, I can sit outside. I can have conversations. People are so much less irritating. And though I didn’t get glee from it i was able to do an old creative hobby without forcing myself. I have opinions. I have other damage done from drugs that make life hard but the anhediona is not so bad. I cant focus enough to read books but I can in comics. I’m not healed but I would say I’m a little more than half way better right now.

I didn’t really focus on other aspects of drug recovery because the anhedonia made life unbearable and I couldn’t get comfort for my other symptoms because of it. I saw 2 types of healing. One was a steady decrease in anhedonia over time. Slow enough not to notice month to month, but noticeable over 6months-1 year. The second was no changes for months to a year+ and the all the sudden peoples brain coming back online over a week to a month all by itself out of nowhere( without using substances) I remember wanting that to happen to me so bad. I remember a girl 18 months of no changes, nothing, having her emotions come back online after a week. I would tell myself every night that it could happen to me at anytime (in actuality it was the slow overtime route for me)

I have seen post with massive improvements. I used to collect them, but my computer was wiped out do to hardware? issues.  I would contact old accounts to see how they were doing. My focus was on drug induced anhedonia so I only know stories in that. I should clarify what I mean by massive improvement. When I say massive improvement what I mean is that the person began being able to only lay in bed on the phone, turning into a person able to clean the house, run errands, do hobbies without pushing themselves and keep relations without getting irritated with people. And feel emotions enough to motivated to live (going from wall watcher and painful empty to this is what I consider a massive improvement as I could never see myself close to that again) most were also able to enjoy music and not just do hobbies but enjoy them like crazy.

My own observations: A lot of the people avoid drugs and supplements after being scarred by them. A some still did supplements. Vitamins were the seen as a popular safe option (I can not comment on any treatments idk). Whether the waiting it out, vitamins or supplements helped I do not know but I saw a lot of repeat crashes from drugs. There was a theory to avoid anything that affected serotonin or gaba. I should go through my stories to see who did what but time definitely seemed to play apart. I didn’t try to copy anyone’s idea of treatment I only collected their stories and followed their old posts.

More over following people was my life for a year. (when I had the motivation to open my laptop that was always on my bed)

Yes you can heal from doing nothing. (Thank god! because my anhedonia wouldn't let me leave the bed) Had a friend who was hit by a car on the highway. He had trouble stringing together words. In two year he could socialize and hold a job again. As you've probably heard neuroplasticity is a thing. Over time it can do repairs. Sounds magical right? Well nothing is perfect. If I understand it right your brain can rewire but it is not going to be as strong in those parts as it once was, so you can recover and relapse easier if a drug or supplement messes with it again. Many people who heal avoid simulates and alcohol for this reason. Some go back to drinking and relapse again and some have the luck of the gods. (This doesn't mean if you crash you can not heal, people have still heal after crashes)
(If someone finds errors in my statement please correct in a post Ty)
But the brain will try to heal. You can help give it what it needs or just wait. So slow over time decrease in anhedonia is not really surprising.

As for the sudden recoveries, how is that a thing? The straight answer is we don't know. We actually have very little understanding on how the brain works. How prescription drugs work is very vague and does not contain the whole picture. If someone can tell you how the brain works in a few sentences they are overgeneralizing it. What we know is bits and pieces of how it works, generalizations and theories.
But here is a theory with no bases as an example of what could be. The brain was healing the whole time. Instead of everything healing together some parts healed faster. The sudden recovery happened when the last piece was put into place. Giving the illusion of someone suddenly recovering in 2 weeks after months/years of no progress. There are other possibilities of course and I can't begin to tell you the answer.

What I can guarantee is that I was close to one particular case. We were both there due to something we took. We both mourned together and both worried that it was permanent.
I cant tell you how bad she was. I was more wrapped up in myself at the time. She could not feel happy or emotions, she could not of course enjoy music or anything and life was unbearable. She would post often about the hellish state. I don't believe she was bedbound by the anhedonia and I believe was able to make her own meals. I believe she felt no joy. I believe her life was just getting to the next day. But she could leave the bed and do things. So not severe, but definitely not light. but I can assure you it was not depression. Over a year past and out of the blue she was better. She said it felt like her brain was fighting to comeback for about a week i think. 
I cant explain it. But I know it least happens with moderate anhedonia.

yes running will help. Eating well will help. But that's giving your body a better chance. You will probably not see improvements from running for six months. (probably? actually ignore that I didn't pay attention to peoples healing protocol very much) But it should help on brain level. As a side bonus it gives you something to do in the meantime and it keep trying to trigger something in your brain.A fellow suffer once told me 'you will never find your unicorn' (person just like you/same drug/same issues, same healing pattern)

 When it comes to how the brain works you're going to get more theories than answers. No one likes this. Maybe it's like a coma patient waking up after 10 years of no signs of improvement. Logically things should make sense. When people cant fine a reason for something it gets dismissed. Like a p-doc denying anhedonia or all that gaslighting in the chronic illness community. If a doctor doesnt know how a symptom works or finds it to be baffling it is more likely to get dismissed because it doesn't follow are current knowledge. But we cant see how the brain works, but it happens. So we either dismiss it or we mark it as a current unknown. A lot of study papers end with we don't know why x causes y but more research is needed.

I saw a pattern when it came to healing or maybe my brain made it. You got the people that are good in 6 months. after that 2-3ish years seems to be a common healing point. The next healing point 5years. I have seen recovery as short as 6 months and as long as 8 years. I heard through the grapevine of someone healing at 12 years, but I didn't see evidence of that last one with my eyes. 2-3ish years seemed to be most common. I saw no improvement in the first 6 months. I kept being told don't panic, your still early in the game. As nice as that is with no end in sight I needed more assurance than that.

So how do you know which one you are? How do you know if you are a slow healer or a sudden recovery? You wait.

So the biggest problem. In anhedonia we are more likely to assume worst case scenario. It is so easy to doom spiral because we dont have the feels to balance it out. And anhedonia by nature feels so permanent. Thats true for everyone.

We all want to know our chances. Which is why I started collecting stories. I wanted to see how it played out in the long run.

The most frustrating thing about this is the lack of answers. what if? The unknown.We cant just focus on the pretty parts. But we cant just look at the ugly.

I wish I was a neuroscientist. I know the answers just lead to more questions or feel like dead ends. But if you understand something you will have a better chance at navigating it. I hope you can get more view points to make a more complete picture.

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Not all people really come back to report recovery. I found this out after contacting them. I just assumed people had a duty to report back. But it didn't always happen like that. and out of the 50% that dont respond back I don't know if they just never logged on again to see my message or they ignored the notification.

So why would people report not back? I contact people who said they healed. Why didn't they post?

Most common reason given: PTSD. Most people think they will report back. They think this is hell! When Im better I will let everyone know. When the time comes and they get better, even if they are writing a success story they have to go back to the place full of people and reminders. They want to forget. They are looking into the pit they crawled out of. I've seen people post "I didn't want to come back, Im posting this story and leaving, I will not come back to answer questions." They bit the bullet.

On the same note after not feeling good forever, they chase after that feeling. They are so tired they just want to live and will get to it "later" (If continue recovering I could fall into this, I want to be out doing things not on my phone like I've been for the past year)

Other most common reason cited: As they slowly get better they rely on the forums less and less, slowly getting into life again. So it get phased out.

Other possible reasons/theories?

The rapid recovery ones are more likely to post because it was sudden.

Some people can't relate to their anhedonic self. When people are in extreme pain afterward the mind will down play it. They remember it was hell and despair, factually. But their mind cant comprehend the level of pain they went through.Though honestly if this is true I would think these types of people are more like to write a success story (also more likely to risk alcohol I would think)

These may seem like poor reasons compared to the pain of actively being anhedonic. I used to not believe the people dont want to come back to this negative place or they are too busy living life. I thought that was just something said to give people hope. But after contacting people and reading some posts, I found that there is evidence to support it.

Though all I can say for sure was it was true in the specific cases I am referencing. I don't nearly have enough of a sample size to say things confidently and not everyone gave a reason.I wish I paid more attention to that but I didn't have the motivation.

1

[Joey805]

39 minutes ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Not all people really come back to report recovery. I found this out after contacting them. I just assumed people had a duty to report back. But it didn't always happen like that. and out of the 50% that dont respond back I don't know if they just never logged on again to see my message or they ignored the notification.

So why would people report not back? I contact people who said they healed. Why didn't they post?

1

 

I've been med-free for around 7 months now after over 10 years of constant cocktails and I feel like I've recovered quite a bit (I doubt completely) from withdrawal and the specific medication-related issues that brought me here. I'm absolutely still grappling with the mental health issues that led to my prescriptions, but that's not why I joined.

 

Admittedly I am a lot less active here now that I'm through the worst of it, but I try to check in from time to time when there are replies to threads I'm subscribed to. Otherwise, nobody has reached out to me.

 

I can add to your sample size by saying my reason for not visiting as often is that I've begun to move on from this part of my life. I'm in a comparatively very good place now - professionally, socially, and emotionally - and I'm not in "crisis mode" anymore. It's not that I think "I'm better now, I don't need to visit these support groups" but rather I'm rarely even in the headspace where I'm thinking about these things. My mind is simply elsewhere most of the time. "Recovering" is becoming less and less a part of my identity, and is becoming just another difficult period in life that I did my best to work through.

 

I do feel a small responsibility to share that I've experienced recovery because when I was in the thick of it, I was desperately scouring the internet for every and any success story or hopeful message. I was in a living hell. Because of communities like this and others around the web where people offer those words of hope and encouragement, I'm going to bed each night for the first time in a decade without taking one or a handful of pills. Now I sleep soundly, I make plans, I do good work, I laugh and I cry.

 

If anyone has questions, I am one of those people who will try to respond. This account is tied to an email address that I use every single day. I will almost certainly see the notification. I'll try to do better.

 

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

13 hours ago, Joey805 said:

 

I've been med-free for around 7 months now after over 10 years of constant cocktails and I feel like I've recovered quite a bit (I doubt completely) from withdrawal and the specific medication-related issues that brought me here. I'm absolutely still grappling with the mental health issues that led to my prescriptions, but that's not why I joined.

 

Admittedly I am a lot less active here now that I'm through the worst of it, but I try to check in from time to time when there are replies to threads I'm subscribed to. Otherwise, nobody has reached out to me.

 

I can add to your sample size by saying my reason for not visiting as often is that I've begun to move on from this part of my life. I'm in a comparatively very good place now - professionally, socially, and emotionally - and I'm not in "crisis mode" anymore. It's not that I think "I'm better now, I don't need to visit these support groups" but rather I'm rarely even in the headspace where I'm thinking about these things. My mind is simply elsewhere most of the time. "Recovering" is becoming less and less a part of my identity, and is becoming just another difficult period in life that I did my best to work through.

 

I do feel a small responsibility to share that I've experienced recovery because when I was in the thick of it, I was desperately scouring the internet for every and any success story or hopeful message. I was in a living hell. Because of communities like this and others around the web where people offer those words of hope and encouragement, I'm going to bed each night for the first time in a decade without taking one or a handful of pills. Now I sleep soundly, I make plans, I do good work, I laugh and I cry.

 

If anyone has questions, I am one of those people who will try to respond. This account is tied to an email address that I use every single day. I will almost certainly see the notification. I'll try to do better.

 

 

 

This is very helpful. It lets me know your recovery and timeline
The details help paint a good picture. I think you are doing fine contributing. We give what we can when when can and its important to still live our lives. Im not as active either but I thought I should post what I have seen. Thank you for your story. Im happy to have it for my collection.❤️

[Seaweedbrain]

I have been experiencing anhedonia/emotional blunting for 3 months now. Felt like I have been turned into a zombie. One of the weird things about this is that while I can’t hardly feel any emotions while I am awake, I often have vivid dreams where I’m able to feel things like joy, anger, etc. Then it all melts away come morning. What does this mean? (If anything)

[Gridley]

16 hours ago, Seaweedbrain said:

I can’t hardly feel any emotions while I am awake, I often have vivid dreams where I’m able to feel things like joy, anger, etc. Then it all melts away come morning. What does this mean? (If anything)

I have exactly the same experience almost every night.  As to what it means, my theory is that the real me who feels all those emotions is still very much alive and kicking and will emerge both night and day, dream state and conscious state, once withdrawal is done.

[Seaweedbrain]

I really hope this is a sign that we’ll be able to fully escape from this purgatory soon. Lay experts say that anhedonia seems to be linked to downregulated or desensitized serotonin receptors, which also interacts with dopamine. Do these receptors regenerate slowly? Will chronic ssri users have lower chances of recovery?

[gn11]

23 hours ago, Seaweedbrain said:

I have been experiencing anhedonia/emotional blunting for 3 months now. Felt like I have been turned into a zombie. One of the weird things about this is that while I can’t hardly feel any emotions while I am awake, I often have vivid dreams where I’m able to feel things like joy, anger, etc. Then it all melts away come morning. What does this mean? (If anything)

I work on my dreams with my therapist. I am a psychologist as well. The deeper layers of our body-mind are trying to work out feelings, traumas etc. Things that may be buried or unnaceprable in the day time .One thing I've been doing is tracing a series of dreams that seem to be telling me something about my recovery vía symbols....very helpful  I have some mild anhedonia as well.

[Seaweedbrain]

It really sucks that my anhedonia is so severe, I was making significant progress with emotional regulation and past trauma pre withdrawal. Now it feels like it’s all gone down the toilet. Not only does nothing bring me even a sliver of joy, I’m also not able to feel negative emotions either and cognitive functioning is very poor. This is killing my social life. Maybe getting a therapist will help me at least remember what emotions are like in my dreams and help me to become more hopeful 

[BelaLugosi]

guys I'm having those dreams too sometimes! It really gives us hope

[Leonardo]

Guys, I had a window of a week where I had emotions again! There is hope! Now I'm back to the same thing, but I gave myself hope to endure this suffering. I just wanted to share with you

[Seaweedbrain]

Omg, that’s great! Is this your first window? 
I think I had a tiny one just for a couple of hours but it past too quickly for me to properly remember. What I would give just to be able to cry again, haven’t been able to do that in so long. This numb hell is such a grind, I try to remind myself that I could someday go back to how I was, back to my passionate, outgoing, creative, music loving self. Out of all the withdrawal symptoms this is by far the worst

[cornchowder]

On 6/8/2011 at 10:35 AM, Druid said:

It even seems to make any decision making almost impossible, from hundreds of small decisions that we make almost subconsciously every day to larger more obvious ones. It's like when we make a decision we imagine say two or more possible paths or choices we might take.. we think about each separate scenario of action and consequence and then try to imagine how we feel about each outcome and therefore decide based on this information.. but how are we supposed to differentiate without having our feelings to guide us?

 

I can really relate to this - when I'm trying to think through several options, for example, what to do this evening for fun, and I trace the tree branch paths down to its natural conclusion, nothing makes me very excited, so I end up doing nothing. 

 

For me, emotional blunting is less severe than some of the folks here. It looks more like: 

• I can look forward to things, but when I actually do them, the emotional payoff isn't as big as I thought. 
• ^Because of this, low motivation to do anything, even hobbies / seeing people => social isolation. 
• It seems like there's a "ceiling" to how much joy I can feel, and it's capped at a pretty mild level. 
• If do feel "big" joy, it fades fairly quickly. 
• I find it difficult to be emotionally engaged with TV/movies... I become bored easily, T-T sad... 

I thought for years that something was wrong with me, that I couldn't find something that brought me joy, and picked apart all the things in my life to find "what was wrong," and found nothing.

 

At least right now, I'm glad to have figured out that it's the medication - I didn't do anything wrong! (I'm sure I'll be depressed about the blunting later, but right now... I'm like, okay. I found the real reason)

[Joey805]

3 minutes ago, cornchowder said:

 

I can really relate to this - when I'm trying to think through several options, for example, what to do this evening for fun, and I trace the tree branch paths down to its natural conclusion, nothing makes me very excited, so I end up doing nothing. 

 

For me, emotional blunting is less severe than some of the folks here. It looks more like: 

• I can look forward to things, but when I actually do them, the emotional payoff isn't as big as I thought. 
• ^Because of this, low motivation to do anything, even hobbies / seeing people => social isolation. 
• It seems like there's a "ceiling" to how much joy I can feel, and it's capped at a pretty mild level. 
• If do feel "big" joy, it fades fairly quickly. 
• I find it difficult to be emotionally engaged with TV/movies... I become bored easily, T-T sad... 

I thought for years that something was wrong with me, that I couldn't find something that brought me joy, and picked apart all the things in my life to find "what was wrong," and found nothing.

 

At least right now, I'm glad to have figured out that it's the medication - I didn't do anything wrong! (I'm sure I'll be depressed about the blunting later, but right now... I'm like, okay. I found the real reason)

 

This was pretty much my experience with emotional blunting. The lack of a "reward" for doing things weakens your reward system, and you no longer feel a strong push to do anything. After all, our behavior is driven by releasing those happy chemicals. If those aren't firing off, we don't feel rewarded by the experience and are less likely to try to engage in the future. Why go to all the trouble of doing X or Y if it feels roughly as good as simply watching Netflix all night?

 

I'm a few weeks away from 1 year off the meds, and the emotional blunting has subsided a lot, but I need to reacquire those reward systems. When I go to a concert with friends, I have an incredible time, but behind the scenes, there's still the lingering habitual thinking of "What's the point? I won't even really like it."

 

I think an essential part of recovering from this is to keep doing things. Seek out new and novel experiences even if they don't satisfy you as much as they should. As the effects of the meds wear off, these activities will start to shine again, but you can only ever discover that if you actually engage in them.

 

You might be surprisingly well-recovered but if you're beholden to those old nihilistic habits you'll still behave and live as if nothing is meaningful or rewarding, and this creates a feedback loop in your life. You won't make friends, your natural curiosity will fade, your sense of adventure will fade, you won't develop new passions or skills that could have been endless sources of joy.  I routinely surprise myself by how much I'm suddenly capable of enjoying things when I actually take the leap, but it is work.

[cornchowder]

2 hours ago, Joey805 said:

When I go to a concert with friends, I have an incredible time, but behind the scenes, there's still the lingering habitual thinking of "What's the point? I won't even really like it."

 

Ooh, man, even though I'm still on meds, I think this happens to me. The brain circuits have been trained... A great reminder!!!!!! 

 

2 hours ago, Joey805 said:

I'm a few weeks away from 1 year off the meds, and the emotional blunting has subsided a lot,

I'm really glad to hear this, though. Something to look forward to, as I start my taper in a few months!