tsmith442: Fluoxetine Withdrawal

[tsmith442]

Hello! New to this site. I've found comfort in reading success stories on here and am looking for encouragement and support as I continue in my withdrawal healing journey. I was on Fluoxetine 20mg for about 4 years, on and off a couple of times. I did a 5-month linear taper 10% reduction every 2 weeks and jumped off in early January 2023. Six weeks later the withdrawals hit and since it's been a rollercoaster. I'm at Month 5.5. Thankfully, I haven't gotten many physical WDs but the psychological ones have turned my world upside down: despair, depression, terror, panic, anxiety, intrusive, looping thoughts, anhedonia, mood swings, zero motivation. I do have windows, which for the past month seem to be around 3-5 days, and waves, 3-6 days. I also take supplements: magnesium glycinate, probiotics, omega 3, vitamin d, b but have been on them since I started having some health issues in 2010 (chronic fatigue, muscles weakness, exercise intolerance, brain fog). I didn't start taking them because of withdrawal. I've been tasking htp5 for several months and am tapering that to try a difference amino acid supplement. Thanks for reading, Tessa

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  It sounds to me as if you are having withdrawal from having tapered off the fluoxetine too quickly.  We suggest an extremely slow harm reduction taper of 10% reductions, but they are 10% of the current dose, not 10% of the original dose, and we only reduce every 4-6 weeks, or even slower if necessary.  This link explains the rationale for this: 

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

Would you say that you are feeling significantly better now, than you did when withdrawal first hit six weeks after jumping off fluoxetine?   If so, please expound on this.  How is your sleep, and basic daily functioning?  

 

Thank you for a clear, concise, and detailed drug signature.  It really helps. 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications, and why it's so important to taper slowly and carefully, and be very cautious about changing our doses: 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

On 6/25/2023 at 12:53 PM, tsmith442 said:

I've been tasking htp5 for several months and am tapering that to try a difference amino acid supplement

It's probably a good think you are tapering the 5-HTP.  We generally don't suggest amino acids for persons in withdrawal, as these can have unpredictable effects.  If you do want to still try aminos, please start with a small amount to see how it affects you.  Here are a couple of threads about amino acids and supplements.  

 

Amino Acids

 

Supplements, Herbs, Vitamins, Amino Acids

 

Please let us know how you are doing.  

 

[tsmith442]

Hi @getofflex I'm don't think I'm feeling significantly better, if anything slightly worse but I do see things changing, like my depression has slightly decreased but anxiety increased which is funny because I'm coming off 5-HTP. I also recognize that I'm in early on in this process. I'm coming up the 6 month mark, and know this is where a lot of people report worsening symptoms so I'm bracing myself.

 

Thank you for all the resources!

 

I'm hoping to use this platform to connect with others and document my withdrawal journey.

[getofflex]

Yes, the symptoms do tend to morph and change.  I'm glad the depression has improved.  

 

As I see it, you have 2 options.  

 

1) you could try a tiny reinstatement.  This is risky, as you are almost 6 months out from jumping off.  If you do go this route, please only do a tiny test dose.  I would suggest 0.5 mg of fluoxetine.  See how your body reacts to this.  If there is no problem, in a week or 2 you could increase this slightly, and see how that goes.  And so forth.  We want to be very careful to avoid kindling. Please read this link on reinstatement.  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

 

The easiest way to get this tiny dose is to get the liquid fluoxetine.  Use a syringe.  Be sure and find out how many mg of the active ingredient (drug) are in 1 ml of the liquid, and we can help you calculate your dose.  The pharmacist will have this information. Eventually, when we find the dose that works for you by carefully and gradually titrating up, you would stay on this for a while until your system stabilized and your withdrawal is reduced, then you would carefully and slowly taper off this later.  

 

2) stay off the drug, and tough it out, and work on learning non drug coping techniques.  The benefit of this, is that you won't then have to taper off your reinstatement later.  

 

Please let us know what you decide to do. 

Edited June 29, 2023 by getofflex

[tsmith442]

Thank you for that information! I meant to include this in my original post: Although there are many times I want to reinstate, I really don't want to, I'm trying to tough it out. 

[tsmith442]

24 weeks update: I feel like I've been in a wave for over a week but I'm also dealing with stressful life events, so I'm not sure if I'm not doing well because of the stressful events or the wave. I'm sure it's a combination of both. The morning anxiety/terror/panic has been the worst it's ever been; I've started to experience an internal tremble, like my insides are vibrating. My evenings continue to be better and thankfully the anxiety calms down but the despair, depression, and intrusive, looping thoughts still remain and I continue to struggle to be the Observer of them. I feel like a stranger in my own mind. I grieve for my inability to feel happiness or even feeling content. I grieve for my old life, and the future life I wanted to build (I moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone right before withdrawals hit and am now moving back home with family). Thankfully, I still have my job and super supportive family who 100% believes I'm experiencing withdrawals. Praying things will eventually get better. 

[getofflex]

I applaud you for your courage and strength in all this.  I do know that stress can definitely exacerbate withdrawal.  It does for me, and many other people on here.  I'm glad that your evenings are better.  Someday, you will slowly regain the ability to feel pleasure and happiness.  I'm very happy to hear that your family is so supportive, and that they believe it is withdrawal.  You could also still be recovering from the adverse reaction from the Wellbutrin, in addition to withdrawal.  I'm praying for you as well.  

 

I would like to share some links that can help with anxiety.  It is very typical for it to be worse in the morning, because of the cortisol spike we all have at this time. 

 

video: Claire Weekes on Anxiety and Panic

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

Music to Calm Anxiety

 

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

15 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Female voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes) Male voice - getselfhelp.co.uk

 

Meditation

[tsmith442]

getofflex, I read your signature, sorry for tagging you earlier! thank you for all the resources. I've started to make my way through them.

Are there any other supplements you do recommend other than magnesium and fish oil? I'm on the fence about taking amino acids.

In your opinion/expertise, is it common to have very minimal physical symptoms but terrible psychological ones? I guess I'm thankful I don't have many physical symptoms but it's rare I find others in a similar situation.

[tsmith442]

25 weeks update: Sometime this week I'll be 6 months off psych drugs, or at least when I took my last dose. I suppose technically the drug left my body ~6 weeks later when WD hit since prozac has such a long half-life but regardless, I think in the withdrawal world it's still a big milestone, ya? Not much has changed since last week. Morning terror/anxiety/panic, daily depression, terrible intrusive thoughts, zero motivation, feeling "off"/not like myself. The stress of this move is weighing on me and I'm sure that will continue until it's behind me. I move next Friday. Some upsetting things happened last week and I'm having a hard time letting go and moving on because the constant neuro-emotions, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts are relentless. I have very little physical symptoms (is this weird? to have such terrible psychological symptoms and little to no physical?). I did lose my period which is really concerning (I'm not pregnant). Work is going fine, I'm eating fairly healthy, I need to start exercising but also giving myself permission not to if I don't feel like it, and I'm trying to practice acceptance -- acceptance of the symptoms and acceptance that this is my life. 

[getofflex]

11 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

Are there any other supplements you do recommend other than magnesium and fish oil? I'm on the fence about taking amino acids.

No.  We do not suggest taking amino acids.

 

 Amino Acids

 

What Helps, What Doesn't: Supplements, Herbs, Vitamins, Amino Acids

 

11 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

In your opinion/expertise, is it common to have very minimal physical symptoms but terrible psychological ones?

I've heard of many others who have had mainly psychological symptoms, and few to no physical symptoms.  

 

10 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

The stress of this move is weighing on me and I'm sure that will continue until it's behind me. I move next Friday. Some upsetting things happened last week

I will say stress can definitely amp up WD symptoms.  It still does for me, a year off all drugs.  To reassure you, once this move is over, your psychological symptoms will probably settle down a lot.  Stress creates adrenaline and cortisol, which can cause anxiety, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, restlessness, and agitation. 

 

When you start exercising, I suggest low intensity exercise like walking.  Intense exercise can also ramp up symptoms.  Walking outside is excellent - the natural light helps depression.  

[tsmith442]

SIX MONTHS OFF FLUOXETINE!!!! 😌

 

I have officially entered into Month 7. I don't remember the specific date of my last dose because at the time it wasn't important or significant. I knew about withdrawal from the one other time I tried to get off but not the severity or how long it could last. I thought my taper was slow but based on what I know now it could be considered CT. Regardless, I am determined to soldier on and stay off these poisons.

 

I will post my 26 weeks update soon.

 

I hope everyone is doing okay and is holding on. I am praying for everyone on this site ❤️

[tsmith442]

26 + 27 weeks update: Sorry this is so late. I moved this past weekend and it really consumed all my reserves.

 

A few days after my last update I entered into a window where my symptoms were less severe. The morning terror, where I usually wake up feeling like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and a lion is chasing me, significantly reduced more and more each day to the point where it's pretty much non-existent right now. And now that my move is behind me, most of the general anxiety has left as well.

 

While I was getting ready for the move I ended up eating out a lot, mostly because most of my kitchen was packed and I didn't want to accumulate more food in my fridge. But also because I had zero motivation to cook for myself, food was and still is the only thing that gives me a sliver of joy, and I was so burnt out from the move I wanted to treat myself. I took myself out to the diner across the street several days in a row and experimented with drinking caffeine again. While it did increase my heart rate, it didn't seem to ramp up my anxiety or impact my sleep. Since then I've had some form of caffeine, matcha, black tea for example, almost every day and I seem fine; anxiety hasn't increased, as mentioned earlier it's actually decreased. 

 

I just moved to a different state to live with family who completely believe what I'm going through and have been my rock since the beginning of this nightmare. To recap, several months ago I moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone right before WDs hit (I never saw them coming, I was so naïve). I was living alone and worked from home and the isolation made my symptoms 10x worse. So it feels really good to be with family but I can't help but feel like I'm regressing. Before this, I was an eager, independent young woman with everything going for me, ready to start a shiny, brand new life in a new city. I started making wonderful new friends, started dating, and actively participated in the community more than determined to find my place, my tribe. I was planning on traveling internationally for the first time since before the pandemic. Now everything is different; that's all out the window.

 

On top of this, some more depressing personal stuff has come up (seriously, this is the WORST timing) -- stuff that would be difficult to handle and make me depressed if I wasn't in WD -- and so the self-hatred, anhedonia, and the intrusive thoughts and images are having a field day. The depression/despair is heavy. I feel zero purpose in life. The only thing I look forward to every day are the meals I eat and when I can go to sleep (both of which I am very grateful haven't been impacted by WDs). I feel so much unworthiness. I know the grass is always greener, but I envy those in withdrawal who have a partner and kids, extended family -- a life outside WDs -- things I've desired for a very long time. I've lost so much or to be more accurate I haven't gained all the things in life I thought would come organically, not just from WDs, but also from the pandemic, heck I feel like my life peaked when I was in college ten years before covid was a thing. But these WDs are hands down the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Although I do see improvements in my symptoms (manic crying spells seem to permanently be in the rearview mirror and hopefully the morning terror is as well but this development is so recent I'm not holding my breath), I feel completely lost in this human existence we call life. Baffled at how all my peers seem to be effortlessly cruising through all the typical milestones I always thought I would too experience. I am continually in shock when I think about what my life looks like now. I know I'll have to re-build a new life once I recover from WDs and feel stronger but finding a new place to live, new friends, a new community, and a purpose and path forward just don't seem like they're in the cards for me. I was struggling trying to build these things before WDs for many, many years and now...now I can't comprehend building any of this. 

 

I didn't mean for this to be soooo long. If you're still with me, thanks for reading. I hope you all are hanging in there as best as you can. xoxo

[Addax]

Hi @tsmith442.

I am so sorry you have found yourself feeling so terribly and also feeling that kind of nothingness. I have been in a similar place to where you are now, including the despair and imaging my life forever altered, with the ruminating thoughts always being negative of often catastrophic. That you have come as far as you have is great. And while you think of your move to be with family as regression, it’s actually self care.  Plans maybe delayed but it doesn’t mean they are canceled. And to have a family who believes and supports you is wonderful! Of course you already know that. If only we could think about withdrawal and how it can incapacitate us in the same way we would think about things if it were a physical injury that required healing, help, and physical therapy. 

 

It’s good to hear that you have experienced minimal physical symptoms, although as you’ve experienced the psychological and emotional symptoms are quite cruel. One thing to keep in mind about the looping, negative thoughts is that they are only thoughts and often baseless “predictions” of what our lives will be like post withdrawal. They are not truths or accurate predictions, they are our fears playing out in our heads.  So what you see in those cards are your fears, not a prediction or a truth. I know it’s hard to not believe the worst case scenario won’t happen… my guess is that you have played it out in your head many times seeking evidence and reassurance that things won’t turn out badly, but end up with the same conclusion.  Unfortunately, it seems we are exceedingly prone to confirmation bias when consumed by withdrawal symptoms, and end up disregarding all the signs and evidence that indicates things will turn out okay. That you will be okay, feel okay again, and resume a life of “normalcy.”  What often makes things that much more difficult is the timeline for when things will improve is uncertain. Knowing you’ll feel better is good, of course. But knowing when you’ll feel better, would be that much more comforting. 
 

I’m not usually a giver of advice, but I do encourage doing what you can to take the focus off your symptoms… whether it’s immersing yourself in a movie, binging a TV series, some tedious task (but not doom scrolling)… Really anything that draws your attention outside of your internal dialogue. It’s easy to get sucked by Symptoms and seeking reassurance, which has the effect of increasing distress, which is important to avoid right now.

 

Of course moving and settling in is disruptive and stressful in and of itself and, undoubtedly, has been destabilizing. It may take a bit to recover. It’s likely that as you settle into your new digs and situation along with time passing, you’ll start noticing you’re feeling better. 

 

 

[tsmith442]

Addax! I'm so honored you replied to my post. I read your story several weeks ago and it's the story I relate to the most -- the anhedonia, akathisia, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, night sweats and having to put a towel on the bed, how all your motivation vanished, the rumination, not being able to stop worrying, the catastrophic thoughts. This line from your story: "I struggled with self-doubt, and shame like I had never" 100% describes what I'm dealing with right now. And the fact that your symptoms subsided around 5 or 6pm is exactly the same for me. I wrote exactly this in my wd tracker -- and that I would almost feel 'normal' before I joined SA.

 

I also feel the same about wanting to sue the makers of prozac and how I initially thought our doctors were less to blame than the pharmaceutical companies but after doing more of my own research and now knowing how long findings have existed regarding side effect and wd, the way doctors behave is unacceptable. It's maddening. 

 

You also mention that you stopped getting your period, which also happened to me, something I haven't come across often in wd stories. It sounds like you got it back after reinstatement? I dealt with hormone issues before wd where all my hormones (estrogen, progestogen, testosterone, cortisol were tanked) and am wondering if I'm now premenopausal (I'm 35 and my periods were really light and short, indicators of being premenopausal I've heard). 

 

Anyways, thank you so much for your response. I really needed to hear everything you had to say. 

[Addax]

As awful as that story is, I’m glad you found it reassuring. There is something comforting about knowing there is a shared experience.  My experience terrified me so much it took me years to get up the courage to restart my taper. 
 

3 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

You also mention that you stopped getting your period, which also happened to me, something I haven't come across often in wd stories. It sounds like you got it back after reinstatement?

It did come back after reinstating, but I can’t remember how long after.  I don’t think I’ve read many, if any, accounts of wd related amenorrhea either. However, I have seen research articles that talk about effects SSRIs have on Neuroendocrine functioning, and I know stress can cause amenorrhea, so it makes sense that the menstrual can become dysregulated during withdrawal.  It might also be why many women report withdrawal symptoms worsening around their periods. I’m one of them.
 

Were you taking Fluoxetine during the time your hormones were tanked? I’m not a physician, so I ask only because of the research findings I just mentioned.  I’ll have to look them up again.
 

I suppose it’s not out of the realm of possibility that you’re perimenopausal, but being that you are so young, I don’t think WD can be ruled out as the exclusive cause.  I’m in perimenopause, and sometimes it’s hard to know whether something is a withdrawal symptom or a perimenopause symptom… or PMS! 
 

3 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

This line from your story: "I struggled with self-doubt, and shame like I had never"

This is something that will still pop up for me if I’m hit with a wave. It is no where near as extreme this go-round. Not even close. But it’s unmistakable when it creeps in. I suppose the upside of having been through that horrific experience is that when that intense self-doubt does creep in now, I can remind myself that it’s just a symptom. While the reminder doesn’t always snap me back to being rational, on an intellectual level I know the thought is not rational and will not be a permanent way of thinking and feeling.  Hopefully, that makes sense. 

 

 

 

 

[tsmith442]

On 7/29/2023 at 8:58 PM, Addax said:

As awful as that story is, I’m glad you found it reassuring. There is something comforting about knowing there is a shared experience.

100%. I do find it comforting.

I know it's not helpful to read the horror stories but I feel like I've read enough of them by now, know everyone is so individual, and feel very knowledgeable about the wide range of wd experiences that they don't scare me anymore.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 8:58 PM, Addax said:

My experience terrified me so much it took me years to get up the courage to restart my taper. 

I know several others in this boat right now. How is your taper going currently? If you've posted about this, feel free to just tell me to read your thread.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 8:58 PM, Addax said:

I don’t think I’ve read many, if any, accounts of wd related amenorrhea either.

I think I've only found 1-2 other accounts on FB groups and it came back after reinstatement as well. I have yet to find someone in the same situation as me who doesn't reinstate.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 8:58 PM, Addax said:

Were you taking Fluoxetine during the time your hormones were tanked?

Yes. About a year or two before I took the hormone test, I experienced horrific cramping pain, nausea, and vomiting during my period. The pain was on another level and was the most traumatic health issue I had ever experienced at the time (now it's wds). I took the hormone test this past Oct 2022, when I was two months into my five-month Fluoxetine taper. The period symptoms disappeared towards the end of my taper and stayed away for a few months and then my period never returned. I have no idea what this means. I wonder if Fluoxetine impacted my hormones even though I was on the drug for two years before the symptoms showed up? Before I started the taper I was doing a tons of things to regulate my cycle (castor oil pack, vitex, all the women teas, seed cycling, etc.) so perhaps that's what actually improved the period symptoms and the wds is what made my period not return? Such a puzzle. I'm just waiting now, hoping that my lower stress levels these past two weeks will help my body have a cycle again.

 

On 7/29/2023 at 8:58 PM, Addax said:

On 7/29/2023 at 4:49 PM, tsmith442 said:

This line from your story: "I struggled with self-doubt, and shame like I had never"

This is something that will still pop up for me if I’m hit with a wave. It is no where near as extreme this go-round. Not even close. But it’s unmistakable when it creeps in. I suppose the upside of having been through that horrific experience is that when that intense self-doubt does creep in now, I can remind myself that it’s just a symptom. While the reminder doesn’t always snap me back to being rational, on an intellectual level I know the thought is not rational and will not be a permanent way of thinking and feeling.  Hopefully, that makes sense. 

Yes, definitely makes sense!

The below has more to do with documenting what I'm currently going through:

And logically I know intrusive thoughts are a wd symptom (to provide more clarity, I not referring to SI or violent thoughts) but this particular trigger, which triggered the "depressing personal stuff" I mentioned above, that is fueling this batch of unwanted thoughts don't feel as chemically as past intrusive thoughts; in other words I think I'd have these thoughts even if I wasn't in wd. Also, bc I've been in a window for two weeks I feel very "normal" and close to my baseline so I'm having a really hard time not believing these thoughts, which makes me feel super depressed. These thoughts are also triggering and fueling unwanted thoughts of comparison which is then fueling thoughts and feelings of self-doubt, shame, low self worth. Hope this makes sense; I'm very tired. 

[Addax]

19 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

How is your taper going currently?

It’s going well, overall. Some bumps and waves that felt pretty terrible, but nothing has come close to my experience you read about.  So when I say “terrible” it’s relative to how I’ve been feeling during my current stint and experience of tapering.  I’m very conservative with my tapering and it has served me well.  There are some symptoms that are persistent. Anxiety/panic surges upon waking and orthostatic hypotension. The surges correspond to my anticipation of the work week, so it emerges Sunday morning, is particularly intense Monday morning, then settles down as the week progresses. Wearing a sleep mask to keep the morning light out definitely helps. The Wobbliness and dizziness when I stand up from a prone position is annoying, but since I’m not usually reclined or lying down in public, my husband is the only one that gets to see me wobble, stumble and on very rare occasions tumble over. I’m actually fairly accustomed to the experience now, so while it’s annoying it’s just kind of settled into being part of my daily experience.

 

20 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

I wonder if Fluoxetine impacted my hormones even though I was on the drug for two years before the symptoms showed up?

 

I suppose it’s possible. Our bodies do adapt to having it around, and as you’ve experienced, respond in strange ways and too kindly when it’s taken away. My menstrual cycle was like clockwork until that withdrawal experience, and returned to the same when I recovered. So something related to regulating my cycle was involved. My guess is cortisol is the main culprit, or at least a major player. 
 

20 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

in other words I think I'd have these thoughts even if I wasn't in wd. Also, bc I've been in a window for two weeks I feel very "normal" and close to my baseline so I'm having a really hard time not believing these thoughts, which makes me feel super depressed. These thoughts are also triggering and fueling unwanted thoughts of comparison which is then fueling thoughts and feelings of self-doubt, shame, low self worth. Hope this makes sense; I'm very tired. 

You might, sure. But it’s the intensity and ruminating on the thoughts and the serious difficulty in entertaining anything other that a negative or catastrophic outcome that make them a symptom of withdrawal.  Our response to them and ability to dispute them or entertain alternatives is impaired, which is why they seem like such absolute truths or accurate predictions.  It’s very much like wd mimicking depression.  

 

When i experienced it recently, I compared myself to my colleagues, friends, family, you name it, and read into people’s response to me, my emails, what have you… And I always came up short/on the bottom in one way or another depending on what I was judging or fearful of.  I have bouts of imposter syndrome anyway, but the wd inspired self-doubt, shame…it’s on another level.  It did pass. As it had in 2014, which, as I’ve mentioned, was exceedingly more intense than my experience this time. It will pass for you too. I know it’s hard to believe that, as much as it’s hard to believe that your negative thoughts aren’t true and accurate, but you will see. You will emerge from the looping thoughts, self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness and shame.  Be kind to yourself in as many ways as you can in the meantime. 

 

 
 

[tsmith442]

28-29 weeks update: I'm still in a window where I feel okay-ish. Today is day 16. Intense morning terror and general anxiety are still gone, very minor internal trembling every so once in a while, usually when I'm trying to fall asleep or right when I wake up, and very little if any DP/DR or anhedonia. Although the depressing personal stuff I mentioned in an earlier post is still extremely difficult to think about I do feel slightly more at peace with it as time passes; the intrusive thoughts around this event seems to have quieted a bit. I'm very grateful for this but I'm still struggling with what my life has become.

 

So part of me feels like I've turned a corner when I compare to the month before; I know there's been improvement, of almost feeling normal, almost zero chemical feeling but other times the depression, zero motivation, and intrusive thoughts are so heavy, almost unbearable. I wonder how we know if we're merely in a window or if we've really turned a corner? I'm guessing we don't know except with the passing of time. The depression, zero motivation, unwanted thoughts are amplified when I'm not engaged in anything which is at least half of my days usually. They lessen when I am socializing or partaking in a task I'm passionate about. I need more human connection and more hobbies I enjoy, both of which I find difficult to fulfill.

 

I can't stop asking myself if I'll ever regain the motivation and determination to build a new life for myself after this brain/NS trauma. I know I'm not going to permanently live with family. Will I try to do what I tried to do 6 months ago and move to new city where I hardly know anyone and attempt to make new friends, date, and immerse myself into a community? Am I even capable of doing that again?! I have so much fear around this concept now. Or will I settle where I'm at now to remain close to family, but perhaps move into the town so I'm less isolated? Working from home is a big part of why I feel so isolated so I could move back to the city I just moved from one year ago, a city I spent 16+ years in and work in my company's only office to regain what the pandemic took from me (the ability to socialize with coworkers face to face)...although the reasons why I moved out of that city haven't changed. Will I ever meet someone I feel a connection to, someone to share my life with? I so desperately want to see and experience the world, to travel and experience other cultures, to live life to the fullest, but feel so, so stuck in the isolation I am currently living in. I pray that as the days drag on and turn into months, my self-confidence will improve and I'll feel inspiration and joy again. Addax's words of support and encouragement in the above post is exactly what I need to hear and it gives me hope. Thank you, Addax. I'm so grateful for this site.

[tsmith442]

30-32 weeks update: Over 7 months off. This window is still going however I've had a handful of days that I'm considering waves. Thankfully, they've only lasted the day or part of the day so not including these small waves, this window has lasted over a month. The waves have consisted of the usual suspects: anhedonia, dp/dr, depression, intrusive thoughts and memories, obsessive/repetitive thoughts, minor internal trembling (akathisia). I've also experienced a good amount of fatigue and am sleeping a lot, easily 8-9 hours a night and am having vivid dreams. A few mornings ago, I was woken up by that cortisol adrenal rush/anxiety/panic attack; so much terror I go into the fetal position and cling to a pillow. It was traumatizing. Thankfully, the morning after was less severe and the morning after that less severe, so it seems to be getting better. We'll see. My motivation seems to have improved in the last week or so. Before I cold barley do anything. Yesterday I walked over 10k steps and over 9k steps the day before that. I need to move my body more as I've almost been sedentary for a couple of month now. 

 

I'm still in shock at how my life has come to this -- living with my parents practically in the middle of nowhere while in my mid-thirties. So far away from my friends, longing for the life I once lived. My confidence and self love are shot. At times, usually in a wave, I'm filled with self hate and regret all the major life decisions I've made in the last few years. I try not to, but I compare myself to others way too much. I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself which isn't helpful or productive, but when the intrusive, looping thoughts are happening, I can't help it. Any words of encouragement are welcomed. I'm hoping it gets better with time; that I become stronger and more confident. I'm scare to make any decisions, like figuring out where to move to after my time with family, because I don't trust myself anymore because I think so many decisions I've made in the last few years have blown up in my face. 

 

I'm so, so, so grateful for the progress I've made but at the same time feel so stuck in my current circumstances and don't know what to do to get out of them, to move on, to live life. I know there has to be more to life than being cooped up in my parents house.

 

Lastly, @Addax (I hope it's okay to tag you) I got my period back this past month! I'm hoping this is a big sign of healing. I lost it for three months, which never happened to me in my life. I also looked at Inner Compass' Withdrawal Project symptom page and they actually list "Loss of menstrual cycle altogether" under "Menstrual problems": (https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/symptom/menstrual-problems). So this just validates further that it's from withdrawal. It comforted me and though it might for you as well, so I wanted to share. 

[getofflex]

It sounds like you are doing quite well overall.  You are very fortunate to be able to sleep 8-9 hours, and it's great that you have been in a window for the past month.  

4 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself which isn't helpful or productive, but when the intrusive, looping thoughts are happening, I can't help it. Any words of encouragement are welcomed.

Yes, I get like this at times, too.  Here are some techniques that can help with that. Tell yourself it is just a thought, it is part of your withdrawal brain, and someday, these will go away as your brain heals.  Thoughts cannot hurt you.  

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

 

APPLE Technique

 

I just came across a very nice technique that really helps me.  It's called APPLE. I have printed it and have it where I can see it every day and be reminded of it so I internalize this technique. 

 

A - Acknowledge Notice and acknowledge the thought or uncertainty as it comes to mind. 

 

P - Pause Don't react as you normally do.  Don't react at all.  Just pause and breathe.   

 

P - Pull Back Tell yourself this is just the thought or worry talking, and this apparent need for worry or analysis or certainty is not helpful and not necessary.  It is only a thought or feeling.  Don't believe everything you think.  Thoughts are not statements or facts.   

 

L - Let Go Let go of the thought or feeling.  It will pass.  You don't have to respond to it.  You might imagine the thought floating away in a bubble or cloud.   

 

E - Explore Explore the present moment, because right now, in this moment, you are OK.  Notice your breathing and the sensations of your breathing.  Notice the ground beneath you.  Look around and notice what you see, what you hear, what you can touch, what you can smell.  Right now.  Then shift your focus of attention to something else - on what you need to do, on what you were doing before you noticed the thought or worry, or do something else - mindfully - with your full attention.  

 

4 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

I'm so, so, so grateful for the progress I've made but at the same time feel so stuck in my current circumstances and don't know what to do to get out of them, to move on, to live life. I know there has to be more to life than being cooped up in my parents house.

 

I feel you on this one.  My life has mostly been put on hold as a result of WD as well.  It stinks.  However, we can learn some powerful spiritual and emotional lessons from this ordeal, such as patience, endurance, acceptance, compassion for others, and many other good character traits.  These are lessons that will serve us, and others, well for the rest of our life, and our future lives after WD will be deeply enriched by these lessons that we learn.  

[Addax]

4 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

Lastly, @Addax (I hope it's okay to tag you) I got my period back this past month! I'm hoping this is a big sign of healing. I lost it for three months, which never happened to me in my life. I also looked at Inner Compass' Withdrawal Project symptom page and they actually list "Loss of menstrual cycle altogether" under "Menstrual problems": (https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/symptom/menstrual-problems). So this just validates further that it's from withdrawal. It comforted me and though it might for you as well, so I wanted to share. 

Of course it’s okay to tag me! I’m happy you did. I must have missed the notification that you posted after me, several weeks ago.  
With the return of your period and the other improvements you’ve experienced it sounds like things are lightening up (except for the dreaded waves), I’d say it’s all major signs of healing. Yay!  And, so interesting that the loss of a period is on that list. Thank you for sharing! 
 

4 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

I'm still in shock at how my life has come to this -- living with my parents practically in the middle of nowhere while in my mid-thirties. So far away from my friends, longing for the life I once lived. My confidence and self love are shot. At times, usually in a wave, I'm filled with self hate and regret all the major life decisions I've made in the last few years. I try not to, but I compare myself to others way too much. I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself which isn't helpful or productive, but when the intrusive, looping thoughts are happening, I can't help it.

You are resting and healing. Your current situation is temporary but necessary.  The shot confidence, lack of self love, comparison, regret, and intrusive, and looping thoughts are symptoms. They are not you.  Those things will subside along with the other symptoms.  I may be wrong but I suspect part of trying to plan for what you’ll do next is part of the looping and an attempt prevent the worst case scenarios or outcomes that play out in your head. Unless there is an absolute reason that you need to solidify a plan right now, I encourage you to consider this time as a time your brain and body need to recoup, and a time to just be. When you are feeling better, you will see that the planning for and executing your next move are much easier or manageable than they seem to you now. 
 

How you are feeling and where you are now is temporary. You will experience waves, and it will so et feel like an eternity, but you will feel okay again. It feels like you won’t, but you will, because that’s just how this whole healing things works.

[tsmith442]

On 8/24/2023 at 5:26 PM, Addax said:

I may be wrong but I suspect part of trying to plan for what you’ll do next is part of the looping and an attempt prevent the worst case scenarios or outcomes that play out in your head.

I think you're right -- I think my brain is trying to figure out how to improve my life because it's stinks so much right now. I also have a lot of anxiety (and, I hate to admit it, jealousy) about feeling behind all my peers who are living exciting, meaningful lives.

 

I slightly regret moving home even though it seemed like the best decision at the time because I was in the throes of withdrawal, convinced it wasn't to get better for a long, long time, and also didn't feel safe living alone since I was having SI. I'm trying not to be hard on myself because this is the information I had at the time; I didn't know that literally 2 days before I moved I would enter into this long window, a window I believe is a turning point in my healing. I need to stay positive and just be grateful I'm doing better. It seems ironic that this turning point happened right before I moved. 🙄 

 

I listened to Adele (our beloved Altostrata) interview Brooke Siem, who I am a HUGE fan of, and Brooke put it really well. She said "it was so painful to be home within myself and the life I had created that I spent a lot of time in another life that I wanted to create". This is how I feel most days; I'm spending so much time wondering what I should do after this time at home but I do need to remind myself that during the handful of short-lived waves I have had, I am grateful I'm home, not alone, and supported by family. So I need to keep this in perspective. I'm sure more waves are coming.

 

On 8/24/2023 at 5:26 PM, Addax said:

Unless there is an absolute reason that you need to solidify a plan right now, I encourage you to consider this time as a time your brain and body need to recoup, and a time to just be. When you are feeling better, you will see that the planning for and executing your next move are much easier or manageable than they seem to you now. 

There is no reason to solidify a plan right now. Thank you for the reminder to just be. I've had a good couple of days and feel like things are still improving, so I know more healing is coming and really do hope the planning and executing will become easier -- mainly I hope I can start to trust myself to make the right decisions on what the heck I'll do after this time living at home.

 

For anyone who is in the throes of withdrawal, please hang on, please know that it does eventually get better. I was so convinced that I would be greatly suffering for YEARS but now I don't think that's the case anymore. Hopefully, this long window is the light at the end of the tunnel but only time will tell. I will keep writing on this intro thread to keep everyone updated.

 

[tsmith442]

I have a question if anyone is able to share their experience and or opinion:

 

I'm wondering when a good time would be to get my vitamins, minerals, levels, hormones, GI (anything else you recommend) retested? See "Background" below. I've taken the Dutch Hormone test and NutrEval test in the most recent years and a bunch of other tests I can't remember back closer to 2010. Oh and I get my thyroid tested every year because I'm on Armour Thyroid 15mg, which I realize I should put in my drug signature. I've been on it since 2010, so way before this wd experience. 

 

I never wanted to be on Prozac long term. Besides this, the other main reason I wanted to get off was because the functional medicine doctor I saw last year, who is an MD, and my nutritionist separately told me they thought my gut issues were caused, or at least partially caused by me taking prozac. So now that I've been off for ~7.5 months, I eventually want to get my gut re-tested to see if there's any improvement. I've seen some improvement with my bowel movements but my energy and fatigue still fluctuates to a point where it still impacts my life and I still haven't been able to consistently workout and exercise other than lot of walking and some yoga.

 

Background:

I've had some health issues on and off since 2010 that seem to be kind of random because they've been on and off.

 

2010 is is when I graduated college and was really stressed out trying to find a job. I also suffered from an acute kidney infection and a terrible case of bronchitis at separate times but around/before 2010, I can't remember the timeline exactly. I believe one, more, or all of these events triggered these health issues.

 

These health issues consist mainly of chronic fatigue (and overall getting run down really easily), brain fog, exercise intolerance, memory retention, poor concentration, and muscle weakness. I start realizing things weren't right when I was sleeping 12 hours a night and taking a 3-hour nap (I never nap).

 

I've gone to several functional medicine doctors, taken tons of tests (GI, hormonal, etc.), have taken supplements since 2010, and things have improved a ton, except when I tested my hormones a year ago, they're all super low (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, cortisol). Things improved significantly several years ago when I was diagnosed with mercury toxicity, detoxed naturally for a year, and was able to get rid of all the mercury in my body. We think this was caused from me eating too much fish (I use to eat a lot of sushi). I also avoid dairy, gluten, sugar, alcohol, caffeine, processed foods, live a non-toxic lifestyle. 

 

I'm thinking of waiting since I still have waves, which means I'm still healing and I also know 7.5 months off is still in the early phases of withdrawal but would love to hear what other's think. How long should I wait before getting everything re-tested?

[tsmith442]

33-35 weeks update: 8 months off. After two months of doing relatively okay, I have no entered into a full blown wave. 😩 I think many people report a wave at the 8-month mark?

 

To piggy back on my last post, I've decided to get some tests done because some scary, intense symptoms have recently surfaced and seem to get worse every day. I've experienced many of these symptoms before taking psych drugs so I decided to look into some medical tests I had done last year and long story short, I've realized every single symptom is a symptom of low cortisol, which I tested positive for in addition to learning that my hypothyroidism, which was diagnosed years before taking psych drugs hasn't been properly treated bc like wd doctors aren't taught how and they don't listen to their patients' symptoms. Bc my hypo hasn't been properly treated for so long it's likely the cause behind my low cortisol, and low cortisol causes low hormones, which I also tested positive for. I'm getting another test soon to see where my cortisol levels are at now but if they're as low as they were last year, the main treatment is low doses of a steroid, which I refuse to take. But that leaves me with few other treatment options, if any besides lifestyle things I'm already doing.

 

Here's a link to my post in a separate topic if interested:

 

Symptoms I'm experiencing: debilitating fatigue, brain fog, body aches, internal shaking, depression, anxiety, panic, irrational fear, weakness, inability to handle any level of stress, easily startled, easily irritated, rage or sudden angry outbursts, overreactive, emotionally hypersensitive, highly defensive, paranoid, no patience, hypoglycemic, slow recovery from stress, low stomach acid, feeling dull, muscle weakness, feeling faint, confusion, feeling better after 6pm, nighttime wakeups from adrenaline surges.

 

Basically, my entire endocrine system is completely shot...all because doctors don't know what they're doing. I've also learned that "many mental health issues are outright due to being hypothyroid and low cortisol" and "thyroid hormone imbalance has serious effects on the patient’s emotions and behavior", so instead of treating my thyroid I was put on an SSRI which just made everything worse.

 

I recognize that all these symptoms are ALSO symptoms of withdrawal, to top it all off, many are also symptoms of gut issues (leaky gut & gut dysbiosis) which I also have, so I have no idea what to attribute them to. I wish I knew for certain they were all directly from withdrawal bc then I could just cope and let time pass knowing I will eventually heal. But if it's thyroid and cortisol issues, then I need to take action and do something and the treatments are complex, confusing, and a balancing act; if one mineral or vitamin isn't in range or one system, like my gut, isn't working properly then recovery is delayed.

I feel so defeated. And scared (symptoms of irrational fear and panic sure don't help). And angry at the medical industry failing and harming me. I feel like I've joined another club I never wanted to be apart of. I'm trying so hard to practice acceptance and patience, praying that healing will happen just from getting off the SSRI.

 

This wave I'm in came on gradually, it took a few days for it to start and then eventually I was like "Oh okay, here we go again, this is a full blown wave." I'm crushed to say the least, at its worst it feels worst than it did in the past. What's strange is that it started with the physical symptoms mentioned above, only physical symptoms which has never happened before in that in the past they've always been accompanied by psychological symptoms. The mornings are the WORST. The amount of terror and panic I wake up with is ridiculous, I feel like I'm dying and lasts for most of the day. I know it will pass but the doom and gloom is SOOOO heavy, I just can't help but think terrible things, that my life is over, I'll never feel joy again, so much drama. Also a lot of thoughts about death, that there's no point in continuing to fight, which just feeds the depression. I again feel like a child, unable to handle anything, needing reassurance about everything. Feeling like I've regressed so much, I don't recognize myself. I know it will change, it will pass, a window is coming, healing is happening. We just need to keep holding on...

[Mezzer]

On 6/25/2023 at 1:53 PM, tsmith442 said:

Hello! New to this site. I've found comfort in reading success stories on here and am looking for encouragement and support as I continue in my withdrawal healing journey. I was on Fluoxetine 20mg for about 4 years, on and off a couple of times. I did a 5-month linear taper 10% reduction every 2 weeks and jumped off in early January 2023. Six weeks later the withdrawals hit and since it's been a rollercoaster. I'm at Month 5.5. Thankfully, I haven't gotten many physical WDs but the psychological ones have turned my world upside down: despair, depression, terror, panic, anxiety, intrusive, looping thoughts, anhedonia, mood swings, zero motivation. I do have windows, which for the past month seem to be around 3-5 days, and waves, 3-6 days. I also take supplements: magnesium glycinate, probiotics, omega 3, vitamin d, b but have been on them since I started having some health issues in 2010 (chronic fatigue, muscles weakness, exercise intolerance, brain fog). I didn't start taking them because of withdrawal. I've been tasking htp5 for several months and am tapering that to try a difference amino acid supplement. Thanks for reading, Tessa

Hi Tess are you now in Arkansas? Bill Mezzano 

[Addax]

@tsmith442, Checking in to see how you are doing. I haven’t been around much of late and when I’ve been here it’s been short in and outs, so just now seeing your Sept 15th post.

 

I am so sorry to read that things got so scary and you are experienced such awful symptoms with the wave. It’s hard not to feel discouraged if not outright despair. The psychological symptoms are absolutely the worst part of withdrawal. The thoughts can be relentless and cruel.  I want to reassure you that what you wrote is true. This will pass; you will come out of all this and be okay again. I know how hard that might be to believe given how you feel and with all the negative and catastrophic thoughts swirling in your head, but it’s true.  
 

It’s been ten days since your last post… how are you doing?

[tsmith442]

@Mezzer Yep, I'm in Arkansas now. It's wonderful for the peace and quiet and nature but am going a little stir crazy being in such a rural area. I'm actually in LA right now visiting some friends. 

[tsmith442]

17 hours ago, Addax said:

Checking in to see how you are doing. I haven’t been around much of late and when I’ve been here it’s been short in and outs, so just now seeing your Sept 15th post.

 

I am so sorry to read that things got so scary and you are experienced such awful symptoms with the wave. It’s hard not to feel discouraged if not outright despair. The psychological symptoms are absolutely the worst part of withdrawal. The thoughts can be relentless and cruel.  I want to reassure you that what you wrote is true. This will pass; you will come out of all this and be okay again. I know how hard that might be to believe given how you feel and with all the negative and catastrophic thoughts swirling in your head, but it’s true.  
 

It’s been ten days since your last post… how are you doing?

Hi @Addax Thanks for your response, I really appreciate the reminder that I'm not going crazy.

 

Unfortunately, I'm in the same spot -- still in this wave and still experiencing symptoms that I think are from my low thyroid and low adrenal function. I know stress is the main driver but unfortunately I can't help but stress over this, I feel like I have health anxiety. I can't differentiate between what's WD and what're issues from my thyroid and adrenals and I'm worried I've permanently damaged my endocrine system. I feel so physically ill, like my body is dying. 

 

I'm in a really dark place; I feel completely broken emotionally, spiritually, physically. Trying my best to hold on, find reasons to keep going, and take it day by day.

 

[Addax]

1 hour ago, tsmith442 said:

I'm in a really dark place; I feel completely broken emotionally, spiritually, physically. Trying my best to hold on, find reasons to keep going, and take it day by day.

WD can take us to some of the darkest and scariest places.  I wish me telling you that you will feel better in time was enough to make it feel less dark, or that there was a formula that would allow us to determine how long until your next window so you had a time frame to provide reassurance. It seems unfair that your window could appear tomorrow or the day after tomorrow but you can’t look forward to it because you don’t know it’s there, just on the other side. Often, the windows come out of no where. No warning.  Just ‘poof!’ It appears.  I don’t know if issues related to thyroid do the same thing.  
 

When you’re feeling better and think about all this, it will be hard to believe that you felt as badly as you did. 
 

1 hour ago, tsmith442 said:

I really appreciate the reminder that I'm not going crazy.

No. You are not going crazy. The symptoms, the looping thoughts, dread and despair, and the unpredictability of it all makes us feel crazy… It’s made me feel like I was losing my mind and that I would never get it back.  I still have some of the same thoughts and get scared when a wave hits. 
 

 

 

[tsmith442]

36-37 weeks update: over 8.5 months off. I'm still in this terrible wave. The depression and anxiety are still through the roof. I just received my 4x saliva test results back (see attached) and I actually have HIGH cortisol in the morning, normal range in the second morning and evening saliva and then increases slightly above range at night before bed. I'm really surprised by these results when my Dutch test show all low cortisol a year ago. It's wild how much WD can change our bodies. 

 

 

[Mezzer]

13 hours ago, tsmith442 said:

36-37 weeks update: over 8.5 months off. I'm still in this terrible wave. The depression and anxiety are still through the roof. I just received my 4x saliva test results back (see attached) and I actually have HIGH cortisol in the morning, normal range in the second morning and evening saliva and then increases slightly above range at night before bed. I'm really surprised by these results when my Dutch test show all low cortisol a year ago. It's wild how much WD can change our bodies. 

 

 

Hi Tessa , do you notice a the morning is tougher with anxiety? 

[tsmith442]

38 minutes ago, Mezzer said:

Hi Tessa , do you notice a the morning is tougher with anxiety? 

Hey Mezzer, omg yes, I wake up feeling like my heart is trying to jump out of my chest and in a state of terror. It's terrible. Sometimes I cry because it's so intense.

[Mezzer]

6 hours ago, Mezzer said:

Hi , do you notice a the morning is tougher with anxiety? 

[Mezzer]

6 hours ago, Mezzer said:

Hi , do you notice a the morning is tougher with anxiety? 

 

[tsmith442]

38-41 weeks update: can’t believe I’m still in this wave. Daily symptoms, mostly emotional, extreme fatigue. Still not sure if this is withdrawal or hypothyroidism or adrenal dysfunction or something else. I look for things to be grateful for, take baths, cry, read self help books, YouTube the Lovely Grind, pray, meditation, practice EFT, sleep as much as possible, go outside, walk when I can. I want to feel better, like a regular human. I’m losing hope and am thinking about reinstating. I feel like I can’t feel or think anything positive. I am trying to surrender and let everything that is happening happen and accept it but I’m in so much turmoil. I just pray that healing is happening and that I feel some relief real soon. 

[tsmith442]

42-43 weeks update: I'm sorry I'm so negative but I'm still suffering every day. I believe a lot of my symptoms are from my untreated hypothyroidism and the stress, anxiety, panic, and terror from withdrawal causing my adrenals to become dysfunctional. Adrenal dysfunction can take years to recovery from. I feel like I'm walking through hell. Every morning I wake up in a state of terror from a cortisol/adrenaline rush. I try to remind myself it's just that -- a cortisol/adrenaline rush and not let it impact my thoughts, which is difficult. I remind myself I am not my thoughts; they're all lies. I'm still able to sleep but that doesn't seem to be helping anything. My body feels sick, like a truck ran over me. Brain fog, memory issues, fatigue, intrusive, looping thoughts, despair, anhedonia. I'm still practicing EFT and I started seeing a holistic practitioner who muscles tests me and I'm taking homeopathic medicine from him. It's only been two week since I started his protocol and I see him for a follow up tomorrow. I've been on my increased Armour thyroid med for almost 6 weeks. Maybe I feel a TINY bit better and only in the fatigue department, all the other physical and mental symptoms are persistent. I'm also reading a book about generational trauma and it supports my theory of how much trauma I have from being adopted. I'm leaning into energy and frequency medicine but need to feel well enough to practice. I'm losing hope. I'm in completely shock at how my life got to where it is now. Just a year ago I was happy, determined, dating, traveling, able to spend time with friends, had so much going for me. I feel like I've lost everything meaningful to me. I can barley leave the house now. How do I hold onto hope? Should I reinstate to get some relief? This is the lowest I've ever been in my life and don't know how much longer I can hold on. I'm trying to surrender to God's plan for me.