Libby123: Introduction

[Libby123]

Despite being quite nervous, I think it's time to make my introduction. 

 

I spent from early 2000's trying a variety of antidepressants.  Prozac, setraline, amitryptiline, duloxetine, mirtazipine. Possibly something else, as well. Then, a crisis led to hospitalisation, and addition of quetiapine to fluoxetine.  This was early 2019.

 

Around four months ago, I stopped taking prozac, and about three months ago, I quit quetiapine.  Both CT as I hadn't discovered this site. I was only taking 25mgs quetiapine and 20mgs prozac, so couldn't really taper without the help of the GP practice, in whom I have no confidence.

 

A few months along, I am experiencing what I realise are waves and windows. Insomnia has been a recurring problem, but advice gained here has been very helpful. 

 

In my waves, I feel very depressed, but I now see this as withdrawal, rather than relapse. I don't think that antidepressants ever helped. As a cptsd sufferer, married to a troubled man, with two autistic sons, I was just overwhelmed.  I am now a widow, and l live a very quiet life, with one if my sons.

 

Medication does not feature in my future.

 

 

History

 

 

Edited February 27, 2024 by FireflyFyte
Updated title

[FireflyFyte]

Hi Libby,

 

Welcome to SA. Thank you for summarizing your drug history in your signature.

 

3 hours ago, Libby123 said:

A few months along, I am experiencing what I realise are waves and windows.

 

In case you haven't read it, you can learn more about windows and waves at The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization.

 

3 hours ago, Libby123 said:

Insomnia has been a recurring problem, but advice gained here has been very helpful. 

 

We also have a resource regarding insomnia at Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia.

 

Additionally, we recommend the following supplements to help during withdrawal. If you decide to take them, would introduce one and then the other to ensure you respond well -

• Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker
• King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

You are still early in your journey being off your medication so we advise avoiding alcohol, weed, and strenuous exercise as they can cause setbacks in healing.

 

Thanks,

 

Firefly

[Libby123]

Thank you so much, FireflyFyte. A lot of useful information. 

 

I am already following much of the advice here. One thing your reply hilighted, which I hadn't noticed before, was that I take vitamin D and calcium tablets. These were prescribed by a GP many years ago. I have added magnesium glycinate, with, I believe, good effect.  Perhaps vitamin D without calcium is a better option, due to calcium/magnesium interaction? I also take B12.

 

I have avoided all contact with the nhs for over four years!

 

Thanks again.

 

[FireflyFyte]

12 hours ago, Libby123 said:

Perhaps vitamin D without calcium is a better option, due to calcium/magnesium interaction?

 

I would space apart your calcium and magnesium supplements to counteract the interactions.

[Libby123]

Thank you for the previous advice.

 

I am not doing well at the moment. Maybe a slight window here and there, but mostly waves. I am beating myself up a lot that I didn't taper, but reading all of the advice here, it doesn't seem like it would be a good move to reinstate. I hope I am right about this. Also, I have such a deep seated fear of the medical profession.  I used to be a nurse which I found very traumatising. Then I spent years begging for help, and finally I had to deal with the NHS, while my 50 year old husband died within six months, with an aggressive brain tumour. I am actually terrified of my gp surgery. I think it is mostly about the shame I feel.

 

The thing I would like some advice on, if possible, is this.

 

I have just had probably my worst night ever. No sleep, racing heart, palpitations. All familiar to everyone here, I am sure. I occurred to me that I could have made two mistakes.

 

Firstly, I don't think I ate enough yesterday,  and I believe that these drugs upset blood sugar levels, so today I am going to try and eat more, especially something before going to bed. I wondered if porridge might be an option.

 

Secondly, I realised that I had forgotten my magnesium glycinate tablets. Easily remedied, of course,  but do you think that this could have played a role in increased insomnia.

 

I can cope with the days, if only I can sleep. I am so lucky that I don't need to work.  I feel for those who have to work whilst going through this hell.

 

Its odd, but despite everything, I am coping. I am actually quite calm, and make a point of not burdening my adult son, who I live with. I don't really have anyone who understands, so I have withdrawn quite a lot.

 

Finally, I have decided to sell my car. I can't drive safely, and my son has said he will drive me, if needed. 

 

So thats my update. I would be happy to communicate with anyone who feels up to it!!

 

 

[Erimus]

1 hour ago, Libby123 said:

Firstly, I don't think I ate enough yesterday,  and I believe that these drugs upset blood sugar levels, so today I am going to try and eat more, especially something before going to bed. I wondered if porridge might be an option.

It's important to maintain stable blood sugar levels by eating regularly, otherwise our nervous system becomes even more stressed than it already is. I think during withdrawal little and often is the key, stick to smaller meals at a more frequent rate. Protein, healthy fats, and slow-release carbs are what maintain blood sugar levels. You want to consume the most carbs in your evening meal, as this helps maintain blood sugar levels through the night. Protein and healthy fats are important with every meal.

 

1 hour ago, Libby123 said:

Secondly, I realised that I had forgotten my magnesium glycinate tablets. Easily remedied, of course,  but do you think that this could have played a role in increased insomnia.

Possibly, any minor changes can impact you in this hyper-vigilant state. I've definitely experienced symptoms when stopping supplements, but they usually only last 2-3 days, and mostly impacted my digestive system.

 

1 hour ago, Libby123 said:

I don't really have anyone who understands, so I have withdrawn quite a lot.

That's what this community is here for, most of us are withdrawn in the sense that nobody in our day to day lives understands this journey.

 

1 hour ago, Libby123 said:

Finally, I have decided to sell my car. I can't drive safely, and my son has said he will drive me, if needed.

Be wary of further isolating yourself from the world. When you say you can't drive safely, is that a result of withdrawal symptoms? If you live rural you would feel very trapped without means of transportation, because you will eventually be ready to venture out again.

[Libby123]

Thank you,  Erimus, for your very thoughtful and helpful reply.

 

I am in a slightly better place at moment,  but know that it is a window, that will give way to a wave. Understanding this does, however,  make it a bit easier to cope with. 

 

It's early days, I know, but I have really benefited from your suggested changes to my diet, especially having a nutritious snack before bed. 

 

Thank you, again.

[Libby123]

Hello, again.

 

I have been taking in a lot of information from this site, and keeping up with new posts,  whilst having a good 14 day window.

 

During this window, I experienced what I believe to be akathesia,  but it wasn't too troublesome. 

 

Going back into a wave, this feeling of choking in my throat, and palpitation like feelings in my chest has been difficult,  especially with regards,to sleeping.

 

Can anyone give me any ideas of things that can help? Diet, maybe or supplements.  I am taking magnesium glycinate, vitamins D and B12, and epsom salt baths.

 

Use of vitamin B6 came up in my research,  so wondering about that. Cutting down on sugar is something I am trying, as well. 

 

Any suggestions would be good, as well as positive stories. 

 

Thank you for listening. 

[Erimus]

There is no magic supplement that will cure the symptoms you experience in waves. You are going to experience them regardless, as your brain works towards stability.

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

[Fluoxyoyo]

Libby123 - hang in there, try to relax as much as you can, remember it’s not you, just the reaction to lowered medication. It might take a while before things improve but it will be worth it 🥰

[Fluoxyoyo]

How are you going Libby123? 🌻 

[Libby123]

Hi Fluoxyoyo. 

 

Thank you so much for checking in. It's nice to feel connected. 

 

I am doing ok. Very up and down, as ever. Over the weekend,  I had spells of feeling almost normal,  and the horrid quivering feeling in my throat and chest had almost gone. But during last night, it came back with a vengeance,  affecting my whole body. It eventually settled and I got a few hours sleep,  and am able to carry on with my not very exciting day!!

 

For me, it's the not knowing what's going to come along next, that I find difficult. I know that I have a strong tendency to catastrophise.

 

What I do see, however,  is that despite the horrors of withdrawal, I can still appreciate that I am mentally in a much better place, than when I was in a very unhappy marriage.  I have to, and will, hold onto this. I have adopted an approach of deciding to do, something,  anything,  rather than to ruminate,  and it seems to be working!

 

I am going to hop over to your thread now!

 

 

 

 

[Onmyway]

Hi @Libby123, 

I just saw your post on sandnit's thread and wanted to come and say hello. So sorry you are dealing with this and that life has been challenging. This is really difficult and I am hoping that you recover quickly. 

 

I find the first post in this thread really helpful. It helps you realize that this is not in your mind, it is in your brain and slowly but surely the brain will heal. 

 

Welcome to SA from me as well Really happy to have you here. [Though sorry that you are going through all of this.]

 

Hugs, 

OMW

 

 

 

[Fluoxyoyo]

Hi Libby123

 

I also saw your post on the other thread. You were searching for ‘feelings of doom’.  Well this is really bizarre but I found it fascinating. Here in Australia (far north) there is a tiny jellyfish that if it stings you has the psychological effect of ‘impending doom’ (apparently the worst symptom)….as well as being extremely painful and can, in fact, kill you.  I just thought this highlights the fact that it is obviously a misfiring of nerve impulses from a chemical causing this ‘feeling’ and is nothing to do with your actual mental health.  People recover from the sting just as we will recover…

[Onmyway]

What an interesting fact @Fluoxyoyo.

I had similar scary feelings in the beginning of withdrawal. 

 

I was living in London at the time and the sight of the red public buses used to terrify me for no reason (lasted a few days only). It was a physical sense of terror. It is your brain, not your mind causing these. 

[Libby123]

Thank you,  @Fluoxyoyo .  That's really interesting and reassuring. Like the jellyfish sting, this horrible akathesia is both physically and mentally distressing.  And definitely from a poisonous chemical. 

 

@Onmyway, many thanks. Firstly,  for your welcome, and secondly, for the link, which was really helpful. It added to my understanding of the waves and windows concept.  I shall reread it when I  am in a bad wave.  I still can't get my head around how, in a wave, it is so hard to believe that things can ever be better.

 

Your example of the feelings around London buses made me realise that I have been experiencing some odd, over reactions to things. Definitely "chemical" again.

 

 

After a weird night, I am doing a little better than yesterday, so much so, that I have made an online booking, to get my haircut. Both quite big things for me.

 

I hope that everyone here has some positives today. We deserve it.

 

 

[Libby123]

In some ways, the physical discomfort of withdrawal seems a little better. Not quite as intense. I do get a few hours sleep most nights. At the moment,  anyway.

 

However, the emotional side of things has really amped up. More depression than anxiety, I would say.  Nothing seems worth the effort!

 

I am wondering,  and hoping, that this is all part of the waves and windows pattern of stablisation. Have other people here found the same thing?

[Ariel]

On 5/9/2024 at 5:15 PM, Libby123 said:

I am wondering,  and hoping, that this is all part of the waves and windows pattern of stablisation. Have other people here found the same thing?

 

Absolutely, Libby. All totally normal for WD, part and parcel of the non-linear pattern of healing. 

 

In honor of your own deep wisdom, I'm going to do that horribly annoying thing of quoting you back to you -- this is from your intro post:

 

On 2/27/2024 at 9:51 AM, Libby123 said:

In my waves, I feel very depressed, but I now see this as withdrawal, rather than relapse.

 

You might want to read/review the help topic on neuro-emotions.

In the first post of that topic you'll also find links to some other useful threads. 

 

You've got two recent CTs and a history of polypharmacy, which would provide ample challenge for most people. 

In light of this, and everything else you've been through, it seems to me things are going relatively well, considering. 

 

I sense in you a reservoir of strength and resilience, along with the kind of quiet stoicism that comes from hard-won experience.

You have lived through some very hard things, and so you know you can do hard things.

You will make it through this, you are already making it through and doing a great job.

 

In solidarity and support,
A.

[Ariel]

Hello again @Libby123

 

Do you know this help topic? 

It's one of SA's best. 

 

 

[theopold]

Hello @Libby123

 

How are you doing there lately?  I just wanted to say that, as Ariel mentioned, I too admire your "quiet stoicism".  And, reading about your story, it gives me strength in my own journey as well.  BTW, I totally agree with you...there are many "hard" things to deal with right now, but, gosh, the insomnia can really be quite challenging.  I can also totally relate to your comment about how difficult it is to remember that things WILL get better when you are in the midst of a wave...sigh.  I hope you're able to check in here soon, and let us all know how you're doing

[Fluoxyoyo]

Hi @Libby123 how are you going? Hope you haven’t had any more akathesia? I agree, you definitely show great resilience ❤️x

[AndyPants]

Insomnia is a really tough withdrawal symptom.  I've found it helpful to develop a routine around reading every night before bed, but not in my bed. That way I have a separate location for relaxing and then sleeping. And trying not to look at screens once I'm at that time of night as well. That may not be the routine for you but finding a wind down process that you find relaxing can help.  I think the main thing people here helped me learn is that even with some lost sleep it is all going to be okay.  Glad to hear you are getting at least some sleep, keep hanging in there.

[Libby123]

Thank you, everyone, for your support and kind messages. It really is a boost.

 

@Fluoxyoyo, thank you so mych for your support. My main symptom is the feeling of "quivering pressure" in my throat. It's not unbearable in itself, but with it, is this anxious feeling, despite my not being especially anxious.  

 

@Ariel. The link you supplied was an excellent one. I had actually read it before, but, as you do, I had forgotten about it. 

 

CPTSD is probably the most accurate label for me, and, oddly enough, I think that this withdrawal process has helped me process my trauma. CPTSD suffers have a very negative sense of self, and are prone to self-abanndonment. Like others here have said, being in withdrawal means that you have to prioritise yourself.  It's not easy, but you have no choice. It's something I am getting better at.

 

@theopold again, thank you for your support. I have followed your own thread where you talk about your health anxiety.  I have definitely had health anxiety in the past, and its awful. I have found my decision not to  look to the medical professions to help very freeing. I did train as a nurse, and was quite cynical anyway, but this last year has fortified my belief that self care is paramount. 

 

@AndyPants. You are so right in everything you say. These are exactly the useful tips we can share here. And they really do help. If we discussed insomnia with a doctor,  the only thing we will get is another prescription. 

 

I have been trying a guided meditation for sleep, from you tube. It was suggested on this forum, and I am finding it very soothing. I never realised these things existed on you tube. I am not very up to date. Another example of helping each other along!

[Ariel]

Thinking of you @Libby123

Sending healing vibes <3

[Libby123]

It's been rather and up and down week. For a few days, I definitely had a reduction in the unpleasant internal quivering sensations. This culminated in one night of very good sleep, then, bam! Back to horrible internal sensations, and minimal, interrupted sleep, and depression. 

 

Added to this, I have noticed the return of neuropathic pain in my feet and legs. This was something I experienced whilst taking antidepressants. In fact, it was probably something that led to their prescription in the first place. Its so hard to remember. Reading on this forum gives me hope thst the pain is a feature of withdrawal,  rather than a relapse. Another hoop to jump through to move towards healing.

 

What I am holding onto is the realisation that, despite the withdrawal symptoms, I am managing to do everything I need to do. Get up, shower etc, walk my dog, eat well, cook food, visit a few friends, phone my parents, who aren't local to me, twice a week. I even started sewing clothes again yesterday.  When I was depressed, and taking antidepressants, I wasn't doing so much. However, it doesn't really give me any pleasure. I suppose I'm faking it until I make it.

 

@Ariel. Thank you for the good vibes. You are so generous with your insights over the forum. I have learnt a lot from your posts,  and am touched by your conversations with @theopold.

 

[theopold]

Hi @Libby123

 

7 hours ago, Libby123 said:

What I am holding onto is the realisation that, despite the withdrawal symptoms, I am managing to do everything I need to do. Get up, shower etc, walk my dog, eat well, cook food, visit a few friends, phone my parents, who aren't local to me, twice a week. I even started sewing clothes again yesterday.

 

I know exactly what you mean with these remarks.  I "hold onto" this also.  I'm maybe not 100% perfect, lol, but for the most part I'm getting done what needs to be done.  And in doing so, I do find that it comforts me.

 

7 hours ago, Libby123 said:

However, it doesn't really give me any pleasure. I suppose I'm faking it until I make it.

 

I suppose at one time or another, we are all faking it till we make it? 🤷‍♂️  That said, in a similar vein, when I am in the midst of withdrawal anxiety, for example, and I'm trying not to trigger my "second fear", I guess I'm also "faking it" by trying to carry on with whatever it is I'm doing...without running screaming out of the room, lol! 

[Tweed9674]

7 hours ago, Libby123 said:

What I am holding onto is the realisation that, despite the withdrawal symptoms, I am managing to do everything I need to do. Get up, shower etc, walk my dog, eat well, cook food, visit a few friends, phone my parents, who aren't local to me, twice a week. I even started sewing clothes again yesterday.  When I was depressed, and taking antidepressants, I wasn't doing so much. However, it doesn't really give me any pleasure. I suppose I'm faking it until I make it.

This is a good. It looks like you are in a window.

 

Doing things and keeping ourself busy even if we don't really feel like it is one way to fight back some symptoms I think.

For me, it helps with anxiety, depression and even brain fog to some extent.

[Libby123]

Hi @Tweed9674.  Thank you for dropping into my thread. It's nice to meet you.

 

I absolutely agree that doing something, in fact, anything, is a big part of moving forward.  Despite having a really bad day on Friday, I was able to demolish a garden shed with the help of my son! 

 

 

I don't know if this is just me, but I am noticing how, days are either full of physical withdrawal symptoms,  mixed with depression. Or, days with less physical symptoms, but dominated by anxiety, throughout my mind and body. I suspect it is a feature of waves and windows. 

 

@theopold. I couldn't agree more. We are all faking it until we make it. Just trying to do things that help quell the anxious feelings, even if its just a little bit. Do you find that your anxiety is related to 'real' issues, or is it more like  these chemical emotions that are talked about here? I think mine is very much a mixture of 'chemical ' and ruminating on the past. 

 

All the best to everyone.  We are actually having dry and sunny weather in the UK.

[Fluoxyoyo]

Hi @Libby123 good to hear you are getting some sun over there 🌻 vit D always helps! 

Sounds like you’ve got a good handle on what’s going on for you physically and emotionally even if it’s not great.  Sometimes it’s a matter of ‘feel the fear but do it anyway’.  I keep telling myself that but I am definitely avoiding some situations that seem to stress me much more now than they used to.  

Do you mind if I ask what supplements you are taking to help?

 

Still think you’re incredibly resilient.  Well done on the journey so far and wishing you all the best x

[theopold]

Hey @Libby123

 

Happy to know you're having some nice weather there lately!   

 

10 minutes ago, Libby123 said:

Do you find that your anxiety is related to 'real' issues, or is it more like  these chemical emotions that are talked about here? I think mine is very much a mixture of 'chemical ' and ruminating on the past. 

 

This is an interesting question, lol.   I'll tell you in my case, the most challenging experience is when I'm having anxiety and I have no idea why!!  Not sure, but when that happens I'm guessing maybe it's a "chemical" emotion that's causing it?  Regardless, when this is happening I often find myself obsessing about any/all thoughts I might be having - essentially trying to find a reason why I'm suddenly so anxious.  And this often leads to an over-awareness of any "strange" thought, or feeling, that might occur. 

 

Meaning...all of us have strange, weird, random thoughts popping into our heads all the time.  And, under normal circumstances we just ignore them.  But because of my heightened anxiety, if I'm not careful I'll start to get the "second" fear - I'll start to obsess over any strange thoughts, strange feelings in my body, etc., which then compounds the original anxiety I was experiencing, and...down the rabbit hole we go!

 

Anyway, lol...getting back to your question, beyond what I've just described, I would say I do have some anxiety deriving from the "real" issue of my GI problems?  But, hell, it seems likely my anxiety is also creating a feedback loop there, so...who knows how to draw a line between "real" and...anxiety-created/driven?  And, finally, in my case not a lot of ruminating on the past, I don't feel?

 

In reference to your other comment to @Tweed9674, I did just want to mention...to this point, at least, I haven't dealt with a lot of serious "depression".  Which, I suppose I should be thankful for!  I have had a couple of brief bouts, but only a couple over the last few months.  And so, for me it's more the anxiety issues and the physical symptoms...   

[Libby123]

@theopold. That was a really helpful and interesting discussion around anxiety. It really is multi layered.  I wasn't quite sure what secondary fear was, but that makes perfect sense. 

 

I spent yesterday with a friend who is on huge doses of a variety of psychiatric drugs, to treat supposed bipolar 1. Despite all of these medications, she still suffers from phases of awful anxiety. I really do question these drugs, to myself, but she still has great faith in them.

 

@Fluoxyoyo. I am not sure if you are still here. If you are, I just wanted to say thank you for your support, and that I hope very much that things are working out for you at the moment.  I get the feeling that we both knew this would be hard, but weren't prepared for just how hard.

 

Honestly,  I am not doing well at the moment.  I have had a busy week. Nothing too awful, just life admin type issues. But I was coping quite well, then a terrible headache began, quickly followed by a ramping up of akathesia type symptoms and culminating in a night of great distress.  I can cope with straightforward insomnia now, but not the nights of great distress . I am now in fear of this being the pattern of the new wave.  

 

I am going to revisit the topic on this forum, but if anybody has any advice, it would be greatfully received. With that feeling of doom that goes hand in hand with it, it does feel so hard to keep fighting.

 

As an aside, I saw a news piece online, that reported that psychiatric drugs have fewer cases of withdrawal than previously thought. It even said that withdrawal symptoms occured even when people discontinued a placebo. It all sounded very suspect to me.

 

I am going to update this thread so that I can, hopefully, see some positive signs amidst this new, and worrying, wave.

 

 

[theopold]

7 minutes ago, Libby123 said:

@theopold. That was a really helpful and interesting discussion around anxiety. It really is multi layered.  I wasn't quite sure what secondary fear was, but that makes perfect sense. 

 

I am glad you found it helpful and interesting, @Libby123

 

8 minutes ago, Libby123 said:

I am now in fear of this being the pattern of the new wave.

 

Not to beat a dead horse here, lol, but...THIS is the second fear.  Withdrawal symptoms will bring anxiety, scary thoughts, unpleasant feelings, physical pains, etc, to most of us right now, and there is nothing for it but...understanding, a little bit of courage, and patience.  But, this is absolutely NOT the case in terms of the second fear...the fear of fear.  This is a "battle" that can absolutely be won on our very own terms. 

 

The irony, of course, is that this "battle" is won by total surrender.  Surrendering to the second fear, acceptance of it...THIS IS THE WAY.  (lol.  that quote's for you, @Ariel)  I'm not saying it's in any way "easy", but it CAN be done, and it DOES work.  If it helps, try to think of it in terms of the "fight or flight" mechanism.  Surrendering/Acceptance, turning into, and not away...given sufficient time it WILL defeat the second fear, which is what's sustaining the instinctual fight or flight "protection" mechanism. 

 

Additionally, this experience, when practiced sufficiently, will also help us to better "float" past those "real" withdrawal-driven negative, scary, experiences as well.  Can't eliminate them completely, but they can, at times, nevertheless thereby be somewhat reduced...   

 

  

[Libby123]

Thank you @theopold. A very timely reminder about dealing with the secondary anxiety. Your message, combined with a brief chat with my son, has given me the strength to face the day of dog walking and shopping, and I will deal with tonight when it happens.

 

Have a good day with your boxer dogs. Growing up, I had relatives who had boxers. I swear those dogs thought they were human. Like you, I love my dog.

[theopold]

45 minutes ago, Libby123 said:

Like you, I love my dog.

 

Ah, I just KNEW you had to be a fellow dog lover, @Libby123 🤭  And yes, a very timely reminder from YOU as well...rather than stress over it now, let's just deal with tonight when it happens!! 

[Fluoxyoyo]

Hi @Libby123

I’m still here, just.  Sorry you had an especially rough night the other night.

You’re right, we both knew it would be hard but just how hard is another story.  
 

I reinstated 1mg for 2 weeks and then ‘bam’ major panic.  So I thought maybe it was the reinstatement that suddenly made everything worse so now I’ve stopped again.  I’ve had anxiety every day since but I think it may be fading a bit🤞🤞🤞. So my plan for now is to keep going on 0mg as it appears reinstatement could go very badly.  However I have such a low tolerance to feeling major anxiety and when it hits me I change my mind, thinking ‘I’ll never be normal without the drug so I asked my partner to hide the fluoxetine 😣

 

Do you keep a diary or your bad episodes/waves? I am going to try to but they seem to come and go multiple times a day so it’s hard. Are you under the care of a doctor?  Pleas pm me if you want to ☺️x

 

 

[Libby123]

Hello @Fluoxyoyo. I'm pleased that you're still here, although I wish that you were having a better time. I have been wondering about reinstatement, but have always had my doubts.  Reading of your experience makes me think that this is the right decision.  

 

After my really bad night, things have continued to get worse. Terrible headache,  akathesia type symptoms, especially in the chest and throat, anxiety, depression and insomnia. I had had about three weeks of reasonable sleep and ok days, so to be back to this state is soul destroying. I know we just have to accept, but, my goodness, it's hard.

 

In answer to your queries, I'm not receiving any medical input. The nhs is in crisis, and even if this weren't the case, the local sugery seems to serve no purpose.  They haven't even queried the fact that I am not ordering the drugs anymore. Same with my 80 year old mother, in another part if the country. I helped her organise a taper from 900mgs gabapentin per day. And it has never even been mentioned. 

 

I am going to keep a record of changes in symptoms in this thread. It's so hard to see any progress when we are in a bad place.

 

Let's keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do you have supportive people around you? I live with my adult son, who does his best, but it's not a lot. I am considering going to stay with my elderly parents as I would have some company, at least. My mother and I have had a difficult relationship at times, but our struggles with withdrawal have given us a mutual understanding of each other.

 

Take care, 

 

Andrea ( Libby is my dog's name, and I rather like it!)