success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

A good day.

[Hudgens]

Another good day. Atouch of anxiety arond 9 PM. Nothing much; didn't last long.

[Altostrata]

Hudgens, are you still holding at .22mg?

[Hudgens]

Yes, for almost 2 months.

[Hudgens]

Peaceful night's sleep and no withdrawal symptoms today. In fact I felt good all day and got a lot of things done. If all goes well with the rest of the week, I'll make a drop on Saturday or Sunday. 

[Hudgens]

Made drop to .16 mgs yesterday. No problems yesterday or today. Got a lot of work done both days. Ear infection is gone.

[Hudgens]

Had some trouble falling to sleep last night, night sweats, too. Some short periods of anxiety today, but I had a cavity filled this morning, so maybe that was it. Yesterday was a pretty good day. So at the end of 4 days since my latest drop, no real problems.

[Hudgens]

Slept OK last night. Had trouble with several episodes of flu-like symptom today. Now, approaching bedtime, I'm getting some moderate anxiety. All this is expected after a drop. Weathering it fairly well so far. The episodes come and go within 2-3 hours, not days.

[Hudgens]

Flu-like symptoms (muscle aches, headache and mild nausea) off and on all day yesterday, easing at bed time. Slept very well last night with no withdrawal symptoms.

 

No withdrawal symptoms today, the 11th . Mood very good.

[Hudgens]

Slept well. Some irritability, tiredness and that feeling like I'm coming down with the flu (for 3-4 hours this afternoon). Not too bad, though. Got out, got a few things done.

[Hudgens]

No withdrawal symptoms today.

[Hudgens]

Woke up last night after 20 minutes of sleep in state of confusion for about 4 minutes. I think I've mentioned this before, it's called "confusional arousal". After months of less than 7 hours of sleep you, upon falling to sleep, begin going directly into the deepest level of sleep in order to make up for the chronic lack of deep sleep. Then, if something else like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome wakes you up from this deep sleep, you experience confusion anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes. (It can also happen after being asleep for hours, however.)In case this happens to anyone else-don't worry, you aren't having a ministroke or seizure--it's considered harmless. I've had this happen about 8 times since the withdrawal symptoms started 10 months ago. Of course, insomnia, over long periods of time can have other more harmful effects on your health.

 

Other than the confusion arousal I had a pretty good day-no real withdrawal symptoms.

[Hudgens]

15th, 16th and today not bad. No WD symptoms worth mentioning. Out and about a lot lately. Mild excercising every day.

12 days since latest drop. Sleeping better overall, but not back to full night's sleep (7 hours in my case) yet.

[MaryKA]

Hi Hudgens, I've been off this forum for nearly a month cos of visitors/holidays. It's really good to come back and read your continuing success story!! I've just started my first taper, at 5%, and noticed w/d effects after one day, so to  know that things that come back do go away again is really good. Thank you for documenting your experience so diligently.

[Hudgens]

You're welcome, unfortunately, had a bad day today-slept well last night and had a good morning-early afternoon, but then I got some pretty intense anxiety from 330 PM until 830. I also had low mood for most of it. I kept busy (walked, worked) until it turned into my usual flu-like feelings, which I was grateful to feel since I tolerate it much better than pure anxiety. Another thing I did was think about all the good things that've been happening to me lately, I pictured them, as many as I could think of-and it helped. I felt good and bad at the same time. Very difficult to do anything when you feel awful, but you have to force yourself-even if it's as simple as getting up and taking a shower, of course, sometimes you just need to rest and do some sort of relaxation excercise for a while, but that's actually doing something too. Anyway, I got through it tolerably well. 

[MaryKA]

Certainly your description of 'flu-like symptoms' has helped me, as these started today for the first time ever with w/d. It's been good to put a 'term' to it that my husband can understand.

[Hudgens]

Yes, the flu-like symptoms are a classic withdrawal symptom. I'm experiencing them right now, though pretty mild. And they usually disappear around bed time or soon after. however I also had 3 hours today of feeling perfectly normal, so I'm sure that's coming back. 

I don't know if it will be the same with you, but I've always noticed that the flu-likes hit their most intense just before they back off.  

[Hudgens]

Today marks one year since I began having trouble (withdrawal symptoms) with my tapering. Altogether I've been tapering for 2 years and 9 months.

 

Some anxiety upon waking this morning after a not very good night's rest. The balance of the day, though, right up until now in fact, was pretty good.

 

Got out most of the day, lots of social contact, lots of activity--always a good thing for me, got much work done and exercised later on. (walking). Some patches of anxiety during early afternoon, but each was short lived. Feeling tired but good right now. Mood was up where it should be 98% of the day. Hard to complain. 

[Rhiannon]

I always find that social contact makes me feel better. Even when (or especially when) I don't feel like it.

[Hudgens]

Exactly. There's no substutute for being with others. We are social beings, and when we act as though we are not, we run into

problems. It has been shown over and over again that the biggest, single predictor of mental illnesses is lack of social contact.

 

 

Hey, what does the "Hot" mean exactly?

[Hudgens]

Well, a good day all around. No WD symptoms. Good night's sleep last night.

[Hudgens]

Another good day-slept 7 hours for the first time in a long time. A little anxiety after 2nd dose, pretty much gone now. Ate healthy today.

[Altostrata]

"Hot" means a LOT of posts in a topic.

[Hudgens]

Ate nothing but healthy food for a second day in a row. Another good day also.

[Hudgens]

Woke up a half hour after falling to sleep in a confused state again last night. It lasted about 4 minutes. Some bad irritability today, but remembered to breath and relax before being around other people. No other withdrawal symptoms, however.

 

Ate very healthy for a third day in a row and walked for 45 minutes. Lost 3 pounds this week. Moods good right now at bed time.

[Hudgens]

Not a great night's sleep and woke up in confused state again, lasted a little longer this time, maybe 10 minutes.

 

Mild anxiety most of the day. took two 40 minute naps which made me feel better.

 

Still, it's always seemed strange to me that I don't really ever act as though I haven't really slept a full night's sleep in over a year now. 2-6 hours a night, average, I'd say about 4 hrs.. No yawning, falling asleep sitting up, drowsiness while driving, or inability to attend to reading, work, or anything like that. I often do take naps but only to relax and reduce anxiety. Hard to figure.

Anyway, feeling good right now at bed time.

[MaryKA]

Hi Hudgens, good to see you're still progressing quite comfortably with your taper. And congratulations for your 1 year anniversary of starting to turn your bad w/d experience around!

 

As for my flu-like symptoms and whether they peak just before suddenly fading, I'm afraid that I can't say. It's turned out mine were due to a bacterial infection, which needed antibiotics, so not quite w/d related....

 

In fact, this last time was the first and only time I've had flu-like symptoms, so maybe I should not expect them again, given that this time was because of bacteria. I am trying to come off a drug different from yours and last time when I went from full dose to zero I didn't have flu-like symptoms.

 

I'm still reading your journal and amazed how precise you seem to be in your reporting; also how constant you are. Maybe it's because I'm working on a computer all day, it is all I can to read posts, never mind replying ... Still keep on writing, I'm sure I'm not the only one who is heartened.

[Hudgens]

You're welcome.

 

The 26th and 27th, I had morning anxiety that then went on to lasted most of the day, easing only at night an hour or so before bed time. Still, it didn't stop me from doing anything. And I even enjoyed myself.

 

Last night I slept pretty good and the morning anxiety disappeared after 20 minutes of relaxation meditation, and it stayed away all day. No other withdrawal symptoms either. So, a good day.

[Hudgens]

Trouble falling to sleep for a long time last night and then something close to, but not a true, nightmare.

After that I slept well for about 5 hours. New thicker curtains seem to help me stay asleep after it begins to get light out.

 

I do a relaxation excercise in bed about 20 minutes before getting out of bed, relaxing one part of my body at a time beginning with my feet and on up to the top of my head. This gets rid of any morning anxiety, no matter how bad. I do this excercise during an afternoon nap also. Sometimes once more at bedtime.

 

This is my 7th day of both excercise and eating only healthy foods.

 

I try not to go a day without some significant social contact. I have come to believe that this is

absolutely essential to getting through all of this.

 

The greatest predictor of anxiety and depression problems is lack of social contact.

 

 

The Hypocampus is the brain center for memory and emotion. It can become worn down because of aging, and also because of too long a period of continual stress, such as happens with withdrawal. When it gets worn down, the results often are poor memory, anxiety and depression. We need to learn relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, to help counteract the stress that comes with withdrawal. This helps prevent loss of Hypocampus neurons. Physical exercise, heathy diet, sleep and learning (especially that which involves memorization) all help to rebuid the hypocampus.

 

Now a healthy sized hypocampus doesn't garauntee no anxiety or depression, you still need the social

support and the feeling that you are doing something of value with your life.

 

And of course all of this takes time.

 

No withdrawal symptoms today.

[Jemima]

Good, encouraging post, Hudgens. Could you provide sources for your statements about "The greatest predictor of anxiety and depression problems is lack of social contact" and "Now a healthy sized hippocampus doesn't guarantee no anxiety or depression, you still need the social support and the feeling that you are doing something of value with your life"? I don't mean that as a challenge--in my heart I know both statements are true--but I would love to have a source to reference and I would really love to read more.  Finding purpose and meaning in my life after 1) retiring, and 2) going into withdrawal almost immediately thereafter has proven to be a struggle.  I'm not all the way through withdrawal yet, but I'm nearing the end and would like to have a better sense of direction 

[Hudgens]

Hi, thanks for spelling hippocampus correctly, I guess I was partially getting it mixed up with the Hypothalamus (another important part of the Limbic System.) Anyway, I can't give you any sourses for my statements because I get them all from my therapist. But she's constantly doing researh on the internet, and only makes statements like these when they've been found to be true over and over again in medical studies. I will, however, get the names of some of the books she recommends, and there are some youtube videos too, and post them next Wednesday evening.

 

Today was a very good day for me. Woke up with the usual anxiety, once during the night and again in the morning. Got rid of both with the relaxation technique I actually first learned in Jr High as a way of falling to sleep faster.

 

The rest of the day was free of any withdrawal symptoms.

[alex]

HI Hudgens and Jemima;yes, interaction with people, social contact, going out, is important for recovery.

BTW, I'm going to spend the night out of my place for the first time in w/d...I hope it doesn't go too bad.

A few months ago I wouldn't even think about it.

The dread and fear have abated substantially.

 

How are you doing Jemima?

[Hudgens]

I've been fine for the most part since I last checked in. Some short periods of irritability and lowered mood, some morning anxiety. Still exerciseing every day, and managed to stick to an extremely healthy diet-although it's only been 13 days. Lost 3.5 lbs.. Sleeping slightly longer (5-6 hours).

Still staying socially active as much as I can. Feeling perfectly normal right now.

[Hudgens]

Not a great day, I guess. Felt crumby early this afternoon, that went away around 4 but came back much worse a few hours later. Now (10 PM) I have anxiety and an upset stomach since 6PM. Waiting all four hours for

both to ease so that I can sleep. Trying to accept both and relax (abdominally breath) through it all.

 

Here are two books my therapist recommends: Jon Kabat-Zinn's, -The Mindful Way Through Depression-; Jeffrey Brantley's, -Calming Your Anxious Mind-.

 

Starting to feel a little better.

[Hudgens]

Yesterday wasn't so bad, slept well-some trouble with anxious feelings before falling to sleep.

 

A positive-for a long time now, maybe 3 years, I've gotten these small, limited brain zaps as I fall asleep. Not enough to keep me from getting to sleep, and they stay right behind my eyes, in other words, don't go through the rest of my head or body once they start. So they really don't bother me much and I've actually gotten used to them. But for the last week or so they've either lessened in number and intensity or not ocurred at all. Last night, for example, I only had one, and it was very faint.

Strange to say, they always signalled when I was falling to sleep, and I kind of miss them when they don't happen.

 

I also have had little zaps whenever I look to the right. These are so minor that they've never

really bothered me either--the point is, they're beginning to weaken too.

 

Another positive- I'm able to excercise, pretty hard too-without upsetting my tapper. And my daily 45 minute walk makes me feel good (mood and symptom-wise) every time. Thanks to that and eating healthy, I've dropped 6 pounds and am sleeping better (5-6 hours per night). Mindfulness seems to work the way it's supposed to, too. Although it may be a difficult idea to get a hold of, partly, I imagine, because it's so simple.

 

Feeling pretty good today so far.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear of your continued improvement, Hudgens.

 

Please add to our mindfulness discussions, such as http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4224-mindfulness-based-therapy/

 

I think your experience would help others quite a bit.