success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

I don't know how interesting it is, but again, I'm pretty sure I have explained it all in detail already.

 

Last few days, not too bad. Sleep still pretty good. Recently I have been more apt to notice my ear ringing (really a hissing). I got Tinnitus several years before going on my first  antidressant. I got used to it, that is, stopped noticing it much of the time, long ago, so I think my now noticing it more is probably due to the lastest drop to below 1mg. I've found that mindfulness works as well with this as it does with anxiety.  

[Hudgens]

Only 2 hours sleep last night, morning anxiety-worse than I've had in a while. 15 minutes of body scan/breathing mindfulness reduced this to only feeling a little rough. All anxiety gone after morning coffee (about an hour after getting out of bed). No other withdrawal problems the rest of the day, with the one exception of some bad irritability in early afternoon which lasted about a hour and a half, seemed to lift after eating something. Back to not noticing the ear ringing for the most part. Managed to have a normal day. Very tired at bed time(now).

[Hudgens]

Ear ringing pretty noticeable last few days, but as I said earlier, mindfulness works with this.

Now regularly-maybe every third night-having the old insomnia, though never two bad nights in a row.

Feeling a tiny bit of flu-feeling tonight.

Still exercising and eating right.

A fairly productive day.

[Hudgens]

A patch or two of anxiety each day for last few days, today's was in the early evening and got pretty intense but only for about 15 minutes, then I was fine. May knock off 2nd cup of coffee. Went out last night to an art reception, car over-heated on way home, but got through it all fine. Thermostat stuck closed. Got alot done today, maybe even pretty significant work.

[Hudgens]

Not a good day. Started feeling anxiety early afternoon, which never really left the rest of the day and got pretty bad from early evening on. Feeling a little better at bed time, but still kind'a rough. Not a productive day. At least I can say this is very unusual.

[alex]

It sounds like a wave H, it will pass.

[Hudgens]

Yeah. Was fine today again until about 4pm and the flu-like symptoms came back, cold sensitivity, too. Looking for the heating pad and a book. Slept much better last night. 3 weeks into the new dosage.  

[Hudgens]

Think it's worth mentioning that only about a half hour after my previous post I felt fine again, and still do now at 1230PM. My ear ringing did get louder, but 

that's preferable to all the different anxiety symptoms of late.

[alex]

Would you say that the waves are getting more and more weak, and the windows better and longer?

That's what it seems to me.....

[Hudgens]

I think so, although I felt awful all day today, and it seems to be getting even worse in the early evening. Hard to describe.

 

Cortisol is certainly at the bottom of it all,-really though it's just like a terrible flu coming on. Gastly, but there it is.

 

Other than these posts, I try to avoid describing it at all. Mindfulness prescribes just letting it be exactly what it is, and then simply being aware of it. Just sitting with it, as opposed to running away from or ruminating about it.

 

And so, on with the experience!

[Hudgens]

Felt fine all day after some anxiety just after waking up. Now I'm getting some moderate anxiety/fluey feeling just before bed. A very recent family health crisis may be adding to it all.

[Hudgens]

Slept better, but still woke up twice during night with pretty bad anxiety. 15 or so minutes of mindfulness with abdominal breathing took care of it both times.

Not much trouble with anxiety the rest of the day, I mean whatever there was was manageable and didn't keep me from getting a lot done today.

Ears a little louder than I like this evening. A fluish feeling setting in at bed time. Nothing too awful, though. So much depends on mood, I mean to say, this might have been perceived as a bad day if my mood hadn't been in the normal, cheerful range.

[Hudgens]

Not much more sleep but a noticeably better day than yesterday. Less anxiety, none really this morning. Some kind of lightheadedness appearing now at bedtime. Possibly this wave isn't very big.

[Hudgens]

Only 2 hrs sleep last night, I didn't feel it much during the day though. I've lost exactly 20 lbs. in the last 4 months and am still sticking to healthy foods and regular workouts. No withdrawal symptoms today other than the insomnia, increased ear ringing (which varies over the day) and some cold sensitivity. Mood is good.  

[Lexy]

Hudgens,

You have been tapering slowly per your signature and you are still feeling WDs. I am tapering slowly as well and fear I will get worse as I get lower. I have bouts of anxiety and mood swings that I go through, also bad headaches that have lasted for days. Will it get worse?

[Hudgens]

Well, I can tell you that the WD's I feel now are much less severe, in fact I couldn't call them severe at all-than they used to be. For example, when I was going through the worst of all this (over a year ago) I wasn disfunctional for at least a month maybe more. In contrast to this, now when I have anxiety, low mood, fluish symptoms, insomnia etc., it never keeps me from living a normal life. Sometimes I do lie down for a while during the day, when it gets to be too much, but that's never more than a hour or so, and then I'm fine again.

 

As with most of what we are going through, The fear that there might not be any such thing as a full recovery, or worse, that it's all hopeless, are just thoughts we unnecessarily add to the situation-consequently increasing the ammount of suffering we have to go through ten fold.

 

Every time you catch yourself ruminating about the "what ifs", try just being aware of what you're feeling inside at that moment-no words, or judgements, just let what's happening inside be what it is and be aware of it. Do that for a few minutes. That feeling is the only reality. Everything else is speculation-99% of which will do nothing but make you feel worse.

 

This is the only way out of the fly bottle, as they say.

[Hudgens]

Slept well last night. A little anxiety here and there during the day. Not a bad day.

[Lexy]

Good to hear you are getting better. Hope to be there too one day.

[Hudgens]

Slept a full night's sleep, and slept straight through (unheard of). No morning anxiety. Felt fine all day. Not bad at bedtime-tiny bit of anxiety. Got out and about quite a bit today.

[mammaP]

That's great new Hudgens, A whole nights sleep   Hope that continues for you. 

[alex]

Good!! great news;you are defeating the monster!!

 

It gives me hope.

Thank you for update H.

[Hudgens]

I don't think of it as a monster, though.

Not a bad night's sleep. Stressful day, but got through it fine.

Back to feeling normal last 4-5 months. The occaisional withdrawal symptom doesn't change this sense of normality

at all. What I mean is, there was a time when I asked myself quite often if I'd

ever feel normal again. It would've been reassuring back then to know that yes I was going to.

[lespaul19]

after your reinstatement in 2008 how long did it take you to stabilize? what kind of symptoms did you have until stability?

[Hudgens]

I felt wonderful and normal for exactly 2 months-then it suddenly felt as though a building had fallen down on me. I couldn't get to the EffexorXR fast enough. I started feeling better in a few hours and back to feeling normal in about a week. I think I tappered over a 3 month period that time-it ultimately turned out to be the same as cold turkey.

 

Last night was the first time in like forever that I got no sleep at all. Still, I got through a rather tough day (emotionally), and am still feeling pretty good, though exhausted. Lots of family and old friends really helped get me though it all.

[Hudgens]

Slept very well last two nights. No withdrawal symptoms to speak of. Slight fluish feeling coming on now at bed time.

[Hudgens]

Had trouble falling to sleep last night. At one point I got this shaking inside. I've had this from time to time during the past year, not often, though. After this setteled down (in about 20 minutes), I experienced a pain in my abdominal area and arms. The pain was something like the fluish feeling only alittle more intense. This also faded after about 20 minutes, at which time I finally feel asleep for about 4 hours.

 

  I had some morning anxiety but nothing out of the ordinary. Experienced lowered mood most of the day (although pretty mildly) and a 30-45 minute episode of fairly intense flu-like symptoms in the late afternoon. Still, I got alot done today: excercise, work and shopping. Presently my mood is back to normal but I'm beginning to feel a return of the fluish feelings. Usually the easiest thing to handle.

[Hudgens]

Got a peaceful night's sleep, maybe 6 hours. A good day until about 5 PM when I started feeling lightheaded, followed soon after by other flu-like symptoms: stomach discomfort, body aches and anxiety. Had to lay down for most of the rest of the evening. Feeling a little better now. By the way, my BP and heart rate are always perfectly normal though these things.

[Lexy]

I think as your sleep improves the rest will follow...

[Lexy]

I've been stuck at 46-47mg for quite awhile. My headaches have improved, also mood swings, anxiety are a bit better. With your experience at the level I'm at should I hold longer? Should I hold longer and decrement a little more? I've been micro tapering and seem to be going sooo slooow.

[Hudgens]

I never had any withdrawal problems until I reached about 5mgs., that was after close to 2 years tapering. I've been working on that last few mgs for 14 1/2 months now. And I still run into problems, and always because of dropping too fast. Between August 5th and November 26th I made (2) 25% drops. Now I'm having withdrawal the likes of which I haven't seen in over a year. I feel a little better this morning, so hopefully I can hang in there and stabilinze without having to backtrack any.  

 

All of which is to say, I can't tell you what to do, except to say that dropping too much and dropping before you feel ready usually ends up making things worse.

[Petunia]

Thank you for taking the time to keep up with documenting your progress Hudgens, its very helpful for others to read.  What I've noticed is that when people are doing slow, careful tapers, there are still some symptoms which come up at times, but they seem to be fairly mild and don't last long.

 

Lexy - I left a note on your thread.

[Hudgens]

I think you're right. The rest of my day was much better than the last few. You could say I feel more like I'm getting over the flu now. There wasn't much of the uncomfortable lightheadedness, and my mood was up. I should also say that yesterday I forced myself to do a workout even though I really-I mean REALLY-didn't feel like it, and it made me feel better-I think it was mostly the aerobic exercises that seemed to clear my lightheadedness up. Later in the day, a Jacuzzi

seemed to do the same thing.

 

Today I spent 3-4 hours walking around department stores, and later, talking on the phone to an old friend. Any kind of social interaction can help alot. Isolation, when you're feeling bad is not good. AND getting out when you feel awful shows you that you can still function when things are bad. It gives you confidence and you can't help but think the bad isn't quite so bad.

[Sweetcreature]

Hi Hudgens, I have followed your story with interest and it gives me hope. So, exercise is recommended when tapering?  I was too flu like and sore to exercise during my previous taper (I guess that was enough of an indication that I was going too fast, but wish I had known then what I know now)  

 

I would love to be in a place where I am able to walk around department stores for four hours and do work outs..:-(

 

if you or anyone else had time to look at my thread and history I would be grateful of your thoughts...in need of some hope as this stabilisation period is really very wobbly and I'm frightened its not going to work. At present all I can do is wait and read this forum where I am learning a lot.

 

Thank you all that read and respond 

SC 

[Hudgens]

If I'm helping others by posting that's good, but, unfortunately that's all I'm really able to do at the moment.

 

Believe me-though I've learned alot during the past 14 months- I'm far from being an expert on the subject, or even on my own situation.

[Hudgens]

Did better today than of late. Not much of the lightheadedness at bedtime. (Had some pretty good anxiety this morning, though,gone by the time I'd finished my coffee.) Got out to a Christmas part tonight.

[Hudgens]

Slept fairly well again last night. Christmas decorating today. Felt a low level of anxiety most of the day, not much more than annoying. Ate poorly for first time in a long while (cookies, chips), still managed to do a workout, though.