success ☼ Hudgens's story

[Hudgens]

Slept better than last 3 nights last night. Felt good all day. Still eating very healthy. Lots of social contact lately, always makes me feel better, stronger really.

[alex]

GOOD!!

time is a healer, no doubt;but you have to help yourself pushing a little bit.

[Hudgens]

That's right, you always have to take some active role to help yourself get through the time of tapering and after. And there are probably very few who don't, it's very natural to always be trying to figure out what's wrong and fixing it.

 

But many things-eating healthy and excercise for example-things that you'd bet would help-seemed to make things worse during earlier parts of the taper-leading to a greater feeling of hopelessness (a feeling you want to limit as much as possible since it can so easily get things rolling down hill in your thinking, and thus feelings, behavior).

 

Here, by the way, is where mindfulness can be the right tool at the right time.

If you can get good at recognizing thoughts that might get you down-there are so many variations-you can interupt the insuing train of negative thoughts by immediately focusing on your breath or how your feeling in your body or things and sounds around you, in a non-judgemental way, just the simplest kind of awareness for a moment. And this, as I say, keeps the one unhelpful thought from becoming a series of bad thoughts that pull you down. Keeping in mind that it's not the original feeling, or even thought (as simple as "Yeah, this is just like something that would happen to me") that gets you into trouble, but the thinking patterns (always well established over a life time) that quickly follow.

Mindfulness cuts all that short.

 

However, getting back to my original point about general solutions like excercise and healthy eating.

There seems to eventually come a time again when that doesn't make the withdrawal worse. You know then that you are returning to a more normal sort of "non-paradoxical" life. You're looking and feeling better.

 

The only other thing that you need to keep in mind about mindful awareness-and this is harder to understand-is that it doesn't always make you feel better. But that doesn't mean it's not good for you in the long run. First of all, it doesn't illiminate all anxiety and sadness from your life. Being human means some bad feelings from time to time. It will, I believe, keep things from getting much worse than they ever have to. Specifically, for example, it keeps Cortisol production down to a more healthy level, and thus, limits hippocampus damage over time-a very big part of healing. And it can make things better than they were before antidepressants-because it effectively deals with old distructive thought patterns-paterns we, mostly without knowing it, habitually engaged in during a time many of us look back to as normal and wonderful in comparison with withdrawal.

 

Slept well last night, and feel pretty good this morning. My tolerance for all good foods and excercise continues now into its 2nd month.

[alex]

That's right, you always have to take some active role to help yourself get through the time of tapering and after..There seems to eventually come a time again when that doesn't make the withdrawal worse. You know then that you are returning to a more normal sort of "non-paradoxical" life. You're looking and feeling better.

 

Absolutely;after 13 months since my last dose of Effexor, the last 2 months have been much better.

First it was terrifying, then very difficult, now is difficult.

[Hudgens]

This afternoon I got a chance to practice mindfulness. I had some bad irritability which I got through pretty well, then

from 5-10 PM my mood took a nose dive. Even now it's a little low, but not as bad as earlier. I'm getting through this episode alright, too. Accepting the bad feelings to any degree-even just a little-helps make them not seem quite as bad the next time they come back.

[Hudgens]

Much better day than yesterday, no real problems.

[Hudgens]

Last three days very good, excercising, working, studying. Sleeping well, mood good, little anxiety.

[alex]

GOOD!!

[flower]

Wow is that good to hear..Makes me feel good too.

[Hudgens]

Today was fine, too. Nothing bad to report.

[Jemima]

Thank you for your regular, encouraging posts, Hudgens. I think you're probably helping a lot of people to be a bit more optimistic, and in this grueling climb out of a deep, dark pit, every little bit helps!

[Hudgens]

It's nice to think so.

[Hudgens]

This time last year I felt like I was at Death's door.

This time next year I'll be post-taper, and hopefully feeling as good as I did today.

[alex]

Hi Hudgens; I am 13+ months off from a fast taper of Effexor (150mgs-0mgs in 3 months)

I am having days where I have very clear windows, and then the wave comes in again, but with an overall improvement.

My sleep, that was a big concern, is getting slowly better; I wake up, but can easily go back to sleep.

No morning awful anxiety anymore, (for now)

Anxiety has abated also;anhedonia and depression wax and wane, but not as strong.

Apetite better, I have gained 8.8 pounds.I am exercising with weights again with no problems

Saturday I had a wonderfull day,almost symptom free, been able to enjoy, laugh, be myself.

But yesterday I had a bad day...it is hard to describe but it's that mixed feelings of sadness,tiredness,anhedonia and anxiety (low)

 

I just hope that the good clear windows are a good sign....

It has been a rough rough ride, I hope it's worth it to get and live Effexor free!!

 

I am glad you are getting there.A.

[Hudgens]

It's worth it.

[Hudgens]

Last two days very good. Got out and lots of contact with people, those I knew and some I didn't. Got work done and excercised and ate only heathy stuff. Feel like I have more energy lately.

[Hudgens]

Felt completely normal today. walked, worked, went to group therapy. When I stepped on the scale tonight, discovered I'd lost 8 pounds in 6 weeks. Feeling a need to be around people-which I haven't had for close to 20 years. Old self-confidence returning big time.

[Jemima]

Good news, Hudgens!  I'm also finding that lots of people contact is very good medicine.

[Hudgens]

Yes, it's true.

Today I experienced off and on again anxiety. The first episode was as bad as it gets, but I still spent the day doing the things I wanted to do. Work, excercise, study, watched a funny movie, took care of this and that around the house, ate well, carried on pleasant conversations. I'm still feeling the anxiety right now.

 

Most of what we go through with withdrawal can be dealt with in such a way that it doesn't have to really spoil anything. How much we suffer is largely up to us, since it's not the initial thought, or feeling, but what we subsequently add to it that causes most of the suffering. Staying with the bad feelings (perhaps caused by some frightening thought or fear) pure and simple awarness of the feeling, of all your feelings, and not making judgements about them (that's a form of negative reaction that only further fuels them) goes a long way to keeping them manageable.

 

And it's so important to keep conected to others.

[alex]

Bravo Hudgens!!

That's the way to do it.

[MaryKA]

Hi Hudgens

 

I'm emerging after some weeks away, first holiday and then ... see my personal thread ...

 

I will keep on saying, your posts are so encouraging it's not just the betterness that you are reporting more and more often, it is the consistency of reporting, so we can watch and look forward to us experiencing the same, even if we don't post daily like you are doing.

 

Thank you very much!

 

PS What do you call "eating healthily"?

[Hudgens]

Vegtibles, fruit, yogurt, nuts, chicken, fish, water, whole grain pasta-no ice cream, steak, cake, sodas, chips, cookies, etc.., a bowl of cheerios is alright once in a while-Orange juice-though I keep the fruit juice consumption low, I do drink tea sometimes and limit myself to one cup of instant coffee in the morning. I also eat one ounce of non sweetened, 100% coacoa chocolate every day. For seasoning I use alot of tumeric, cinimon (in my coffee and oatmeal), oregeno, and garlic. I eat bread, but not alot, and only !00% whole wheat or Rye. I try to make the fruits and vegitables about 60-70% of my total daily intake. I rarely, but sometimes, eat an egg.

 

Today I had the low level anxiety again until about 6 PM, when I spent the night out with friends. By the time I got home the anxiety had finally lifted, but again, it didn't even come close to ruining my day or my enjoyment of it. I'm fine with it popping up from time to time now-it can't be as bad as it once was. On the other hand I think about it differently, too, and so it just doesn't seem to bother me very much anymore. Something's changed for the better. I really enjoyed myself tonight, and though it sounds strange to say-inspite of any future anxiety and even depression-I know now that I always will be able to function perfectly well

and always enjoy myself as I did this evening. 

[Hudgens]

Both Saturday and today were good days. A touch of anxiety here and there, but nothing to stop me from having a perfectly normal, and enjoyable day.

Slept 7 hours last night, first time in months. This is my second day after my latest drop.

[alex]

That is great to hear Hudgens!

I've had on the contrary a very bad wave since last Sunday...

But I am "only" 14 months off from a fast taper.........

 

You said you were in "death's door a year ago;and now you are doing much better

That gives me hope.

Thank you.A.

[Hudgens]

I'm glad. But it's as so many have noted here-as you feel better and better, it gets harder and harder to post.

How could I say I'm recovered?, and yet, even with 4-6 months to go with the taper, I just don't think about it much anymore.

Even on the bad days-I've discovered some way (difficult to explain) to not notice it so much. IT used to consume my thoughts. 

 

I feel great so far today.

[Hudgens]

Only 4 hours of sleep last night, but zero withdrawal symptoms on day 3 since my latest drop. Felt absolutely as normal as can be. It amazes me that I can ever feel this good and healthy after the many low points I've been through. The nervous system is very mysterious.

[Petunia]

Thank you for the update Hudgens,

You give me hope too

[Hudgens]

You're welcome.

 

I had some irritability today, though now I'm not even sure if it's due to withdrawal or just normal, everyday irritabilty. Got alot of work done today.

 

Beginning my new individual therapy tomorrow schedualed on the same day as my group therapy, both are cognitive/behavioral based/mindfullness/ACT therapy. I don't think I'd be doing as well without it. I was unaware of how much of my previous suffering was self-inflicted. If you are going through withdrawal symptoms without therapy, do whatever it takes to get it.

[Hudgens]

a few hours of anxiety in the early evening, feeling better now at bedtime.

A real good day up until that.

Still eating right and exercising. Dropped 11 pounds in a little over 6 weeks, probably too fast, have to watch out that I'm not putting too much stress on the body this way. I'll try and hold right where I am for a while.

[Hudgens]

Slept pretty well, but only in two hour stretches and alot of anxiety. Still had anxiety in the morning, it disappeared by early afternoon, though. As strong as it was, it didn't stop me from my usual day. Got alot done, really.

[alex]

It seems like a wave Hudgens...........

 

It is good that doesn't stop you.Me neither.

[Hudgens]

Could be, but when it's right after a drop and only last for part of the day, I don't really think of it as a wave. If it continues for a week or two then I'll think of it as a wave. But I haven't had anything lasting that long in a long time.

[Hudgens]

A good day, no W/symptoms at all. Not much sleep last night, though, had to take several naps during the day. Still eating right and excercising.

[Hudgens]

Tuesday through today not too bad-some anxiety every day. Just feeling a little more off than I've been used to lately. Mood low from time to time. Hasn't kept me from doing anything I want to do. Also, it all seems like a watered-down version of passed waves. Quite alot of feeling good in there as well.

[Rhiannon]

Felt completely normal today. walked, worked, went to group therapy. When I stepped on the scale tonight, discovered I'd lost 8 pounds in 6 weeks. Feeling a need to be around people-which I haven't had for close to 20 years. Old self-confidence returning big time.

 

 

Me too! That happened to me too! :-) All those years on the meds I didn't feel such a connection to people, it was hard to connect with them. And I didn't feel the need for them. I also didn't want to go out and do things.  

 

Then somewhere around 2 mg of celexa (down from 10) in my taper it changed and it has not gone back. I enjoy people so much, and people respond to me as well and seem to be liking me, too. I find that social interaction is just delightful to me now most of the time. I plan things, get out and do things, and I find that I want to get out and be doing things much of the time.

 

It's so strange because my entire identity was changed during those 20 years on the drugs, and when my old personality started to come back, I remembered how I was in my youth, that you couldn't keep me at home.  What's so strange is that I never really realized, while I was on the drugs, how much I had changed and how strange it was that I had become such a hermit.  I just didn't even see it.

 

Anyway I just had to say Me Too and Yay for Us!

 

:-)

[Hudgens]

Exactly.

The drugs, in some cases, create a false self. It's worth whatever you have to go through to get the true self back again.