EternalOptimist: 17 days on generic remeron, want off

April 13, 2014

You can always change your behavior if you want to. I see that in the beginning if your thread you got a lot of excellent advice from the mods here. You also asked a lot of questions about how long everything takes which no one here can answer for your particular situation. Same as with the above question. It's up to you to decide what to do with the advice you are given. There are no easy answers and no one will ever tell you you can't recover. It is always about quality of life and the ones who seem to have a better quality of life while getting off drugs for whatever reasons are the ones who taper slowly. You'll notice they don't post every day but do stop in and give updates which are for the most part positive. You may want to search for a post by Rhi about the slowness of slow tapers and give it a thought.

And no one really knows what the window for reinstatement is for any given individual.

Quality of life is what all the advice here is all about.

April 13, 2014

Can it take longer off a drug to recover than time on? I'm about half the time off than the time I was on.

I have seen this happen when there has been an adverse reaction to the drug, or previous medications, changes and withdrawals leading to general nervous system sensitivity.

Yes I have seen this happen many times. Particularly when there is a previous history (not so much when it's the first and only time someone has ever taken a psych drug).

April 15, 2014

Thanks C and Rhi. Been so involved in benzo recovery for 10 years and my little group of benzo buddies that I

got in a way of thinking to get off and get off fast and stay off, etc. Yes, I can change that but now it may be too late.

I am sad and frustrated but guess I made my bed etc.

Can anyone suggest other threads here I can check that came off like me and still struggling?

Been a bad few days but holding on.

Hoping and praying for the best for all here.

EO

April 16, 2014

Hi,

Having a rough enough time to check in. Raw sick pressure brain gets tiring and scary.

Was doing so well by comparison.

Trying to convince myself this is a Wave.

Sad, esp around family (which is small now) not getting this so have very little contact cept with one son who does his best.

Am housebound again, not that I get out much anyway.

I'm sure there are many here on this track, sadly.

Working with somatic therapist tho not finding that very helpful but something to look forward to and like her. Might learn enough to help eventually, esp when get better.

Difficult sometimes to separate the emotional and physical 'stuff'.

Helps me to write out my current state, cathartic? Wish I could interact more here with you all here. I give a lot when better but not on computer. Guess I say this cause it feels awkward the way it is, for now.
All the best

EO

April 17, 2014

Just wanted to say hi. Did a bit of catching up with your situation: should I reinstate or not... and we said we support regardless of decision you take.

I realized you are very much under the influence of benzo buddies which we have discussed already and you yourself now see their impact on your decision making.

In reply to your question of which threads of follow of people who chose not to reinstate or reinstated after the window closed, just open any thread and you will soon find what you are looking for. That's called protracted withdrawal.

but even this state comes with windows. I hope you've had some lately.

April 17, 2014

Hi Bubble. Thanks for checking in. Was just on here reading a bit on a few threads. So much suffering yet so much courage.

Idid have a window for a few days last week. Was able to drive a tad, stroll, visit w/ friend's briefly. Felt wonderful breaking out of the worst of w/d tho wasn't easy, as you all know.

Will keep searching for others on here who w/drew quickly. Frustrates me that my brain struggles w/ mental work, esp on computer as , otherwise, I enjoy it and love to give others brief and easy tutorials on how to utilize computers better.

Glad to get support in th face of going against the grain. .

Peace to us all.

EO

April 17, 2014

Yes, good idea to read a lot of threads until you get a feel how bad protracted withdrawal can really be. Your mind will fool you though, you won't find your exact story so you'll still think you can tough it out. In my thread I didn't post all of my agony and still don't.

April 17, 2014

CW, you are right, my exact story isn't here. LOL Darn or maybe, thank God.

Yeah, not gotten started on all my difficulties but won't here. When I need the support the most, it's difficult to be on here, the mornings. Then when I feel better in the afternoons, I am just so relieved to not be so bad that I focus on some simple things in life, like a little yard work. Then come evenings when I'm wiped out and watch a movie or DWTS. From what I've experienced and read and told, this is common.

I should try to read on here when I can.

I'm so sorry for your agony. I so wish I had that magic wand to ease the suffering for those who suffer so much.

Best

EO

April 18, 2014

This protracted withdrawal is infinitely worse than the initial period after CT. I survived that. This is worse because there is no relief. Anywhere. You'll remember that. You think you are getting better and then it hits and the drugs won't help then. You came off way too fast. But you are determined that your way is right. Case closed. Thanks for wishing you could relieve all of our suffering but you can't and you may not be able to relieve your own. The best advice has been given and you made your choice.

If I sound cranky, I am. People don't realize that the drugs are impacting their ability to make good choices. That's why this group is here. Support for safely getting off AD's and safely means not risking protracted WD by tapering so slowly that your body has a chance to right itself. You just jumped off one of the crappiest drugs and still think you'll come out unscathed. We are nearly the same age. I don't have that many years left to make a full recovery while my poor health habits catch up to me. Do you?

Like I said, EO, I wish you luck.

April 18, 2014

CW, so you think I can go back on at 6 weeks off and ease the suffering?

April 18, 2014

What have we been trying to tell you? Read your thread from the beginning, that's what was recommended but you were determined to go off the drug so fast and not reinstate. I don't know if it will work and you won't know either. Maybe your reinstatement window has closed. I couldn't reinstate because I had been off almost 6 MONTHS before I found this place. Had just ordered $400 of overpriced supplements from a company that suckers in people who are suffering like we are and just might have driven me insane. Just overcoming the initial effects of drugs again might have sent me over the edge, too. A least I know what I am dealing with now. I was VERY lucky. A lot of supplements are really harmful to a sensitized system.

No more from me about this. I think reading all of these tragic stories has gotten to me tonight. There are no guarantees from anyone on all of this. Just a lot of collective wisdom, a lot of which is in each and every thread. You should read all of them.

April 18, 2014

EO,

Reinstatement after 6 weeks must surely be possible. Mirtazapine affects so many different things that i find it hard to believe that all of those is to late to reinstate for. Reinstate on a low dose, and monitor how you feel.

April 19, 2014

Hi EO,

I just read back through part of your thread, trying to make sure I was understanding your situation properly. I'm still not sure, your signature has you still on 7.5mg, but I'm pretty sure you stopped completely. I probably should read back through from the beginning, but I have no motivation today. My memory is shocking, can't seem to keep the details of everyone's situation in my mind, my memory used to be really good for details.

From your recent posts, it sounds like you may be considering reinstatement now. I tried reinstating after a year off, but it was before I had found this site. Actually, I tried taking a small amount of Prozac first, then when that didn't work I tried going back on Lexapro. But in hindsight, knowing what I do now, I took too much, I should have tried a fraction of what I did.

I don't think its unreasonable to try reinstating now, its possible it could work, you wont know unless you try it. But if I were you I would start with a very small amount, and see how you react. Then you can adjust accordingly. Ideally, you would want to find the lowest possible dose which gives you some relief.

While reading back through part of your thread, I came across where you were describing the pattern of your daily symptoms and how it effects your daily routine, it reminded me of what my days are like. Mornings fueled by high cortisol causing intense anxiety like symptoms which make any activity difficult, for a variety of reasons. Then I get a brief period where the anxiety starts to subside, for me its tricky, I have to catch it just right if I want to do anything because if I leave it too long to get started on something, the exhaustion kicks in and its too late.

If you do decide to try reinstating, please let us know, then we can offer some suggestions about what dose to try. Even now, that I've been off Lexapro for over 3 years, I sometimes fantasize about being able to reinstate and get some control back over my life. I have some expired pills still in my refrigerator. I threw them out once, but then rescued them out of the garbage the next day.

April 22, 2014

45 days off,.,,took .75 mg mitrazapine last night. Real bad lately. Wondering if should take 1 or 2 mg?

Hate this stufffffffffff.....so miserable, I'm really ready to face reinstatement. Thnx

April 22, 2014

EO,

Hang in there! Try the dosage recommended at the beginning of your thread and stick with it until your symptoms settle a bit. It will work. Its OK to hate how you feel but not the drug. Right now it is your friend and if you go slow this time it can help you go down with less suffering. Then you can hate it all you want. We are all pulling for you!

April 22, 2014

Hi EO,

I just read back through part of your thread, trying to make sure I was understanding your situation properly. I'm still not sure, your signature has you still on 7.5mg, but I'm pretty sure you stopped completely. I probably should read back through from the beginning, but I have no motivation today. My memory is shocking, can't seem to keep the details of everyone's situation in my mind, my memory used to be really good for details.

From your recent posts, it sounds like you may be considering reinstatement now. I tried reinstating after a year off, but it was before I had found this site. Actually, I tried taking a small amount of Prozac first, then when that didn't work I tried going back on Lexapro. But in hindsight, knowing what I do now, I took too much, I should have tried a fraction of what I did.

I don't think its unreasonable to try reinstating now, its possible it could work, you wont know unless you try it. But if I were you I would start with a very small amount, and see how you react. Then you can adjust accordingly. Ideally, you would want to find the lowest possible dose which gives you some relief.

While reading back through part of your thread, I came across where you were describing the pattern of your daily symptoms and how it effects your daily routine, it reminded me of what my days are like. Mornings fueled by high cortisol causing intense anxiety like symptoms which make any activity difficult, for a variety of reasons. Then I get a brief period where the anxiety starts to subside, for me its tricky, I have to catch it just right if I want to do anything because if I leave it too long to get started on something, the exhaustion kicks in and its too late.

If you do decide to try reinstating, please let us know, then we can offer some suggestions about what dose to try. Even now, that I've been off Lexapro for over 3 years, I sometimes fantasize about being able to reinstate and get some control back over my life. I have some expired pills still in my refrigerator. I threw them out once, but then rescued them out of the garbage the next day.

Hi Petu: sorry I didn't reply sooner to your thoughtful post here. I appreciate the time and effort.

Been in anxiety mode, insomnia, panic at times. Triggered by a change w/ younger son, feeling left out, unimportant, trapped at home and in this condition. My old stuff plus w/d so don't know how much is due to a wave and/ or orig, crappola.

I wouldn't expect u or anyone to read thru my thread. It's too much for me to do. . Thoughtful of you to wish u could to help but, hey, I so understand.

I took 1.05 mg mitrazapine last night. I'm working w/ 7.5 mg so hard to get exactly 1mg. Think it helps a little but still don't like it. .

So should stay at this level for ( the big question) how long? Thnk I was ok til the trigger or had a nice window.

You wrote about your daily pattern. It's so daunting to face each morn this way but the show must go on, eh? . Then the fatigue hits. Least that brings us down but too low. . Sympathetic vs parasympathetic cycling.

I m sorry u go thru this too, u and anyone. So common, not fair but is. Argh or "errrrrr"

I can understand retrieving pills out if garbage. Done that with sweets too! . I've recently wished I could take Xanax like I used to get control back in my life. Know the thought and feeling.

I'll check my sig line. Came off March 6th and probably didn't update. I felt so much better that last week of tapering and first week off. Still puzzled by all this.

Best

EO

April 23, 2014

EO, please try to be very regular with that mirtazipine dose.

Did you try to make a liquid with water? That will make taking 1mg a lot easier.

What other drugs and supplements are you taking daily?

April 23, 2014

EO, please try to be very regular with that mirtazipine dose.Did you try to make a liquid with water? That will make taking 1mg a lot easier.What other drugs and supplements are you taking daily?

Hi Alto.

I am uncertain what that dose should be. I'm using 7.5 pill and am doing water titration.

Take cal/mag, Vit c, vit D, some multiple, fish oil, but not same every day.

April 23, 2014

Hi EO, as Alto mentioned, you need to be regular with your dose, that means deciding on a dose and sticking with it, same dose at same time of the day. Its important to stick with the same dose, you need to give it at least a few weeks.

Being regular with supplements also seems to help with stability too. I notice you wrote you are taking a 'multiple', if that means a multivitamin, you may want to look at that. Many people in withdrawal have problems with some of the ingredients in combination supplements. I had to stop my multi and my B complex. When the NS becomes sensitized it can sometimes react to the synthetic versions of some vitamins.

Also, taking magnesium alone seems to work better for its calming effect. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

I hope this reinstatement starts to work for you soon.

Petu.

April 24, 2014

Thnx Petu. Still trying to figure things out.

Best

June 4, 2014

Hi all: been thinking about you folks. Dropping a prayer here and there. I did real well for about a month. Well for me means feeling mentally stable still getting the physical symptoms but all in all felt

I did the right thing to get off. Last few weeks has been terrible setback. Makes me question. A lot of stress life. Anxiety. I've been off a little longer than I was on the pill. Too, I still appreciate everybody's feedback and support. Very kind of you.

Seems to be following the similar pattern to Xanax withdrawal. I also wonder how much of that is still in there.

I now can use voice to record these posts. Makes it a little easier. Still have trouble being on the computer.

I know that's not unique. Just find that using voice makes life so much better for computer use.

Magnesium calm helps sleep. when I forget it I feel like I'm in worse withdrawal. Sticking to a clean diet does help. I try to meditate a little almost every day, that helps a little.

I seem to have a pattern of pushing and crashing. Wonder if others here have that same experience? I know it's common with CFS. I just wonder how much might be common with recovery from the psych meds as well?

Best,

EO

June 5, 2014

Hi been going thru a lot of stress. Talked to homeopathic MD hour 45 minutes last evening. Cried the whole time. Old traumas. Couldn't sleep, anxious. Really feeling sick the last few weeks. Probably did the wrong thing, took half a pill , 7.5 mg , mirtazapine almost 2 AM. Last year's Hospital stay looming in my mind. Head Sx worsened, difficulties seeing, pressure, light hurts but I was doing this before I took the pill. Worse this morning. Feel betw rock n had place.

I guess once we get our nervous system overloaded it takes a long time to heal.

Fear, confusion, sadness over how hard life is w chronic illness and anxiety, etc

Sorry for only posting when need. All I can do.

Best

EO.

June 5, 2014

Don't worry about posting only when you need to, that is absolutely fine. You would have become sensitised

to the mirtazepine and that 7.5 was probably far too high a dose for you! If you are thinking of reinstating,

try the .75 again but take it every day at the same time. Your nervous system needs to stabilise and

jumping around trying then stopping can only make things worse. I do understand that at times you just HAVE

to do something, and at least try it again because you feel so desperate. That itself is a typical withdrawal

symptom. A few weeks ago I was so very sick I almost took a benzo, I was soooo close but resisted because

I know from what I've learned here that it would have been disastrous.

I really feel for you, it is a nightmare that you want to end. It will end one day, I wish I could give you a timescale

but as you know it is different for everyone. If you want to reinstate, make it very low and give it a chance,

it can take a few days to have an effect.

June 5, 2014

Hi mama P . Thanks for being kind to me. I am Fragile as it is. It feels good to feel understood.

Yes I guess 7.5 is too much. I will think about reinstating very very low dose. I hadn't thought of it I just thought I need to sleep.

Felt the need to get some sleep and stop fearing the big H again. Just never has helped. Need never to do that again for this problem.

Okay so now I could reinstated at a very low dose. It's nice to have a plan. I hope not too but I will if I have to.

I am replying by voice. I would love to know how you're doing mama P. If you're up to see this would you be willing to give me a short synopsis? Maybe if my eyesight corrects later I can try to look you up on here see how you're doing. All my best

EO

June 7, 2014

Hi been going thru a lot of stress. Talked to homeopathic MD hour 45 minutes last evening. Cried the whole time. Old traumas. Couldn't sleep, anxious. Really feeling sick the last few weeks.

If old trauma is coming up now, to be released/integrated, whether you are working on this intentionally or its happening spontaneously, please know that this is an incredibly stressful process. It can effect us in many ways - physical/emotional/mental/spiritual. Be extra gentle with yourself and take the time you need to rest and self nurture.

June 7, 2014

Oh thank you Petu. Nice of you to drop in. I appreciate your input. I realized after I posted about the old trauma that a lot of traumas are more recent;, the psych meds, hospitals, withdrawals. I know many here have experienced similar Events or equally disturbing events. I'm going to remind myself that what you suggest frequently.

I pray you are healing, recovering and experiencing more good than bad days now.

The best to you

EO

June 7, 2014

Hi again. It's morning. The last two days I've have been feeling depressed again. Today a little worse than yesterday. I'm telling myself this could be from chemical changes in the brain from taking 7.5 mg mitrazapine three nights ago. Slept like a log for the last few nights. Still feel very sick especially in the morning. I felt no depression for about a month. Little anxiety in the morning but manageable. Any any thoughts on this? Thank you very .much

Blessings

EO

June 8, 2014

Having massive anxiety...near panic. Scared.

June 9, 2014

hi, mornings are really really really rough again. A lot of anxiety. Do others have that air hunger.? Feel like I can't breathe unless I lay down and just focus on breathing. pressure squeezes my eyes I can't focus very well.. I don't how much is related to anxiety or the effects of taking the medication that one time five days ago. Any thoughts?

Curled up and hanging on. Feel tearful a lot.

Thnx

June 9, 2014

I'm having those mornings too Eternal, you're not alone. It's definitely possible you're still recovering from that mitrazapine dose. Are you sticking with the low dose you reinstated with? Try to be consistent, things will calm down soon.

June 9, 2014

Hi narcissus. Thank you for dropping by. No I only took that one time. When if that's the reason why just so much worse right now. I've had a stressful month And an intense talk on the phone with the doctor about all the traumas . that night I couldn't sleep and succumbed to take in half a pill. Not my normal behavior. I usually fight not taking anything but decided to try that. I don't think that is a workable solution. I'm sorry you're having a rough time too. Sorry any of us do. Thank you again. We will get through this. God bless

I'm so glad you people are there though I'm so sorry any of this have to be here.

EO

June 11, 2014

Hi

Questions::

Others suffer from:

air hunger...or feel it difficult to breathe cause of weakness?

enjoying a nice dream then upon awakening feel so sick wondering if you can go on?

Massive sleepiness even after sleeping ok?

Vaseline eyes, and difficulty with vision as eye muscles seem weak to focus.

Thnx

June 12, 2014

Can one get so profoundly Sick from stress and one small dose mitrazapine ?

Took it a week ago. Stress is reduced. Appreciate support. Thnx

June 13, 2014

Hi EO,

I don't have any breathing problems.... yet... fingers crossed but I do experience this:

enjoying a nice dream then upon awakening feel so sick wondering if you can go on?

Vaseline eyes, and difficulty with vision as eye muscles seem weak to focus.

I get blurry vision and have noticed focus problems, I have to force myself sometimes to focus on things close up, its not automatic like it used to be.

Can one get so profoundly Sick from stress and one small dose mitrazapine ?
Took it a week ago. Stress is reduced. Appreciate support. Thnx

In a sensitized nervous system, even the smallest change or stressor can cause an increase in symptoms, I've noticed this in myself. Last Monday I experienced a stressful event which lasted about an hour, my physical stress response way way out of proportion and it took me the best part of 2 days to 'recover' from it.

So, you are not alone in your reaction. It can take a while for us to rebuild our stress tolerance.

Petu.

June 14, 2014

Thnx Petu. again, sorry for your struggles and hope u r seeing steady improvement on some levels.

Guess over doing for better part of a month when barely feeling better threw me in The pits of heck.

Feel so very ill. Will have a few better hrs most eves, thank God, then Groundhog Day next day.

Head pressure/sick raw feeling so intense feel I can't take it one more second.

Blessings to all

EO

June 15, 2014

I'm wondering how sick one can be from w/d as I'm about as sick as I've ever been....again. Like benzo w/d with a twist.

Any others home bound and barely able to function minimally due to just w/d? Too Ill to go to doc and wouldn't know who to go to.

Trying to stay neutral emotionally tho not easy. Mostly curled up on couch holding on.

Was going to do phone consult w/ Lyme doc but now too sick. Did have one FaceTime appt w/ Homeopath trained paychiatrist and trying less than baby dose remedy that I don't think is hurting. Sorry I not able to interact w/ others here cept to reply to those who reply here. Prayers for healthing for all.

Best

EO

EternalOptimist: 17 days on generic remeron, want off

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