Addax: 30 years with Fluoxetine and tapering

[Addax]

The wave has mostly passed. Yay! Almost back at my WD normal but with some low level fatigue - which may actually be due to my “lady-cycle” more than anything.
 

I noticed that my “baseline” can include hypervigilance and overthinking about symptoms and that even minor fluctuations in mood which are “normal” for us humans, I read into too much and become nervous about. Man, I annoy myself! 

Despite being an introvert, I have found that during tapering and particularly during a wave it’s very important to my mood to have regular social interactions, even if that just means going into the office rather than working from home. It’s a bit of a double edge sword, however. I’m re-energized by the different setting and social interactions, but also irritated by how loud and boisterous one of my office mates can be.  As in I often wonder if they have a hearing impairment because the high volume they have their phone and computer set and how loudly they talk in general and definitely when they are talking into a phone Or during a video meeting. There’s also a bit of hypomania evident some mornings and some days where they have a particularly loud response to something that leaves my heart rate elevated got an extended period. Luckily, that usually winds down over the course of the day. Of course, I question whether some of it is me being hypersensitive as a result of my taper… although there are days when I know it’s not 😄. The person is just loud as hell and it’s annoying 😂.

 

I have recently found that I am becoming more fearful of tapering.  As eager as I am to drop to 5.8mg (less than a 5% drop) I am also aware of the increasing sensitivity to change at these lower doses. There are absolutely people on this site who are at the very tail end of their fluoxetine taper and at a dose much lower… some struggling some not for me, it’s the uncertainty I guess. If I knew it could suck for two months, then ok. I wouldn’t look forward to it but I would know there would be an end and how long I’d have to endure the symptoms.  But that’s not how it is. It could be 10 days or a few months, or no waves, or… who knows?  
 

I could track better. In fact, that’s probably a good idea. I know one person on here who tracks religiously and seems to have a general idea of his symptom pattern and when relief is coming following a reduction. Maybe I would be able to identify a clearer pattern. Generally, it seems that if a wave hits it lasts 10 days to two weeks, with 5 days in the middle feeling pretty bad and the before and after being annoying.  However, I don’t track well enough to say how soon after a reduction a wave may hit. 
 

I maybe I’ll do 5.9. Just because I have some stuff coming up where I’ll need to be “on.”

 

In all, I’m in a good place and very thankful for that.

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Addax said:

I know one person on here who tracks religiously and seems to have a general idea of his symptom pattern and when relief is coming following a reduction.

Whoever that person is, he sounds like a pretty cool guy!! 🤣😁  No joke, when I started tapering I used a single postit to track a week's worth of daily symptoms 😂  I've got a couple binders now that turned out to be invaluable, even if it's just to document that I'm getting better or have endured more.   

 

14 minutes ago, Addax said:

Man, I annoy myself! 

I can relate, so many days I'm the most annoying guy in the room, and I'm by myself 🤣😎

 

21 minutes ago, Addax said:

I have recently found that I am becoming more fearful of tapering.

 

21 minutes ago, Addax said:

I am also aware of the increasing sensitivity to change at these lower doses.

This stuff is terrifying, partially because of the unknown, so I write a movie in my head with a scary ending.   Oh, reading more that's exactly what you said! 😄  I noticed the longer I hold and my quality of life improves, the less I want to do another reduction and get back into it.  I think I'd just fool myself into believing it wouldn't be so bad this next time(it was 😂) and do that reduction the first day, and then I couldn't back out easily.  

 

32 minutes ago, Addax said:

I have found that during tapering and particularly during a wave it’s very important to my mood to have regular social interactions, even if that just means going into the office rather than working from home. It’s a bit of a double edge sword, however.

I'm so with you on this!  Due to headaches I haven't practiced what I preach, but any day that symptoms will allow I absolutely push myself to get out and interact with other people as much as my capacity will allow.   Along with sunshine and laughter, it's the best medicine.   Hey, speaking of which, as I've lowered my dosage I've noticed I laugh more and find things funnier than I used to, have you noticed that yourself?   

 

Really glad to hear that you're feeling better and moving forward.  Congrats!

[Addax]

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

Whoever that person is, he sounds like a pretty cool guy!! 🤣😁

😄 Yep. 😉 Wise too. 

 

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

I noticed the longer I hold and my quality of life improves, the less I want to do another reduction and get back into it. 

Exactly this. Not only do I not want to disrupt the good run, but it’s the fear that the next reduction will end in catastrophe… even though there have been not actual catastrophic responses to a reduction this time around. Brain games! Hate ‘em! 
 

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

Hey, speaking of which, as I've lowered my dosage I've noticed I laugh more and find things funnier than I used to, have you noticed that yourself?

Absolutely! This has been huge. I recall being caught off guard last year by my first hard belly laugh. It happens much more easily and frequently now. It’s one of my favorite things about tapering! Same with crying… not as in related to mood, but as a reaction to say, a scene in a movie, something I read, hear… That hadn’t happened since… I don’t even know. Both happened around the same time.  While I was surprised by the ability to really laugh, being able to cry again was a huge relief and oddly joyful . It had been so long! 

 

Any other changes emotional experiences or changes you’ve noticed? 

[Angus]

@Addax It’s great to hear that you are continuing to feel well and are planning your next drop! Positive thoughts sent your way for a smooth next taper 🤗😊

[Fifree]

13 hours ago, Addax said:

Exactly this. Not only do I not want to disrupt the good run, but it’s the fear that the next reduction will end in catastrophe… even though there have been not actual catastrophic responses to a reduction this time around. Brain games! Hate ‘em! 

Hey Addax. Don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're probably legitimately traumatised by your 2014 taper. No wonder you're a little twitchy with each cut. 

 

I'm very glad to read that you're in a good place right now and prepared to take it slow. If that's what you need to do, that's what you need to do. 

[j1290]

13 hours ago, Addax said:

but it’s the fear that the next reduction will end in catastrophe… even though there have been not actual catastrophic responses to a reduction this time around. Brain games! Hate ‘em! 

Oh yeah, this is the unspoken fear for sure. 

 

13 hours ago, Addax said:

I recall being caught off guard last year by my first hard belly laugh.

haha I had that happen to me today as well!!  It's such an odd thing, to be surprised by your own laughter?!?!  What a treat, though.  I had no idea what I was missing.  

13 hours ago, Addax said:

While I was surprised by the ability to really laugh, being able to cry again was a huge relief and oddly joyful . It had been so long! 

Congrats!   We deserve to have all our emotions and humanity.   It's fun and strange to unexpectedly feel new feelings and mixtures of them.  Good times. 

 

13 hours ago, Addax said:

Any other changes emotional experiences or changes you’ve noticed?

I enjoy my conversations with people more, and have more fun with it.   How about yourself, anything that you can think of?    

[Addax]

19 hours ago, Fifree said:

I think you're probably legitimately traumatised by your 2014 taper. No wonder you're a little twitchy with each cut. 

So true. Twitchy indeed! The memory of it looms large and can make me feel like I have to take a deep breath. Just reading what you wrote had realize just how powerful that memory still is. The trick will be learn to cope with or manage it so it has less power. I.e., be scared but make the reduction anyway.  
 

20 hours ago, Fifree said:

I'm very glad to read that you're in a good place right now and prepared to take it slow. If that's what you need to do, that's what you need to do.

Thanks Fifree. It’s exactly what I need to do. 

[Thorin]

On 10/10/2023 at 12:09 AM, Addax said:

Exactly this. Not only do I not want to disrupt the good run, but it’s the fear that the next reduction will end in catastrophe… even though there have been not actual catastrophic responses to a reduction this time around. Brain games! Hate ‘em! 

I’m pretty sure this is actually a withdrawal symptom as well as possibly being trauma. A big feature of my withdrawal (all of it from the beginning) is that while I might be ok at the moment, it will overwhelm me at any minute. Recently when I was really feeling good I became very aware that this feeling had left and I was able to sit securely in each moment and KNEW that I could handle whatever happened in my life in the future. Now that I’m tapering again I’m fearful of symptoms becoming overwhelming again, even though I’ve successfully handled every day so far. Evidence would suggest that you’ve got the Addax of you continue doing what you’ve been doing.

[Addax]

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

It's such an odd thing, to be surprised by your own laughter?!?!  What a treat, though.

Right?! I actually think about it most of the times I laugh. It’s like this renewed appreciation for laughter.  And/or I now find more things funny and funnier. 
 

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

On 10/9/2023 at 9:09 AM, Addax said:

Any other changes emotional experiences or changes you’ve noticed?

I enjoy my conversations with people more, and have more fun with it.   How about yourself, anything that you can think of? 

Yes. The Fluoxetine blunted my emotional experiences and emotional responses across the board. Funny/sad, Happy/ Angry, Joy/guilt, even fear - you name it, it was blunted.  I celebrate their return even of the negative and painful ones; mostly anyway. But part of me is mourning the period when they were blunted…

 

[Addax]

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

A big feature of my withdrawal (all of it from the beginning) is that while I might be ok at the moment, it will overwhelm me at any minute. Recently when I was really feeling good I became very aware that this feeling had left and I was able to sit securely in each moment and KNEW that I could handle whatever happened in my life in the future. Now that I’m tapering again I’m fearful of symptoms becoming overwhelming again, even though I’ve successfully handled every day so far.

Yes! It’s the anticipatory fear. The more I taper the more intense it gets. It’s like waiting for that other shoe to drop.  It doesn’t help that I’ve been doing some doom scrolling masked as looking for encouragement 🤪.   

I wish you didn’t have to sit with the fear of being overwhelmed by symptoms. Admittedly, hearing that you have a similar fear as I have makes me feel not so kooky. 
 

Evidence. I have to keep my eye on the evidence. 

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, Addax said:

But part of me is mourning the period when they were blunted…

I’m going through this a bit too. Delight in feeling, mourning the decades I was blunted. I feel bad for the people I cared about. I wasn’t able to truly feel their presence and get a true sense of who they were and connect with them. My kids have only experienced me blunted. It’s a lot…..

But I also think maybe feeling these things will now be more precious to us than the average person. We won’t take it for granted and the people we love will get to experience that from now on. That’s pretty special.

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, Addax said:

Evidence. I have to keep my eye on the evidence. 

This! Feel the fear, accept it, but correct it and distract yourself. My recent experience of feeling good prior to restarting my taper showed that it really is a withdrawal symptom and will eventually pass never to be seen again. The fact that it returned when I started to experience withdrawal again confirms that it’s just a symptom. It might not help in the thick of it but when you’re teetering on the edge then maybe the knowledge can help you lean back into feeling safe…..

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, Addax said:

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

It's such an odd thing, to be surprised by your own laughter?!?!  What a treat, though.

Right?! I actually think about it most of the times I laugh. It’s like this renewed appreciation for laughter.  And/or I now find more things funny and funnier. 

Same!! It's such a relief, makes me wonder how long I was going without laughing when drugged to the gills.

 

2 hours ago, Addax said:

part of me is mourning the period when they were blunted…

Yeah, me too. I've been remembering periods of my life when I was deeply unhappy or felt out of control, and it was usually after a big med change or adding a new one in the polydrug mix. I trusted the pills so implicitly, I never would have believed it wasn't all me or that I'd be more stable on less meds. Still processing all the time spent drugged.

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Delight in feeling, mourning the decades I was blunted. I feel bad for the people I cared about. I wasn’t able to truly feel their presence and get a true sense of who they were and connect with them.

So well said.

[Thorin]

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

This! Feel the fear, accept it, but correct it and distract yourself. My recent experience of feeling good prior to restarting my taper showed that it really is a withdrawal symptom and will eventually pass never to be seen again. The fact that it returned when I started to experience withdrawal again confirms that it’s just a symptom. It might not help in the thick of it but when you’re teetering on the edge then maybe the knowledge can help you lean back into feeling safe…..

Sorry, wasn’t meaning to tell you what to do Addax! I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of handling this. This is what I learned in therapy and it has helped me personally.

[Addax]

On 10/10/2023 at 8:23 PM, Thorin said:

I’m going through this a bit too. Delight in feeling, mourning the decades I was blunted. I feel bad for the people I cared about. I wasn’t able to truly feel their presence and get a true sense of who they were and connect with them. My kids have only experienced me blunted. It’s a lot…..

This hit home. It’s a lot for me when I think about too.  I grieve grief, love, and connections that I wasn’t able to fully experience and try not to think to much about  “what if…”.

 

Your kids’ experience of you is all they know. They don’t know differently and kids are not so attuned to such things. But even so, as you pointed out, they will know and experience you for longer the way you are with a fuller emotional experience. And that’s very cool. 
 

On 10/10/2023 at 9:03 PM, Thorin said:

My recent experience of feeling good prior to restarting my taper showed that it really is a withdrawal symptom and will eventually pass never to be seen again. The fact that it returned when I started to experience withdrawal again confirms that it’s just a symptom. It might not help in the thick of it but when you’re teetering on the edge then maybe the knowledge can help you lean back into feeling safe…..

For sure! There is some feeling of reassurance in knowing it’s a symptom that has passed before and will pass again, but yeah, in the thick of it it can be easy to lose sight of.  In the thick of it I have sometimes default to something like, “sure, it has subsided in the past, but what if this time…” and on like that. Being proved wrong each time doesn’t seem to have changed my in-a-wave script too much yet. 😄

 

On 10/11/2023 at 6:26 AM, Thorin said:

Sorry, wasn’t meaning to tell you what to do Addax! I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of handling this. This is what I learned in therapy and it has helped me personally.

It didn’t come across as being told what to do. I took it as a thoughtful suggestion and reminder.  Reminders are precious when a wave hits and I can’t quite do it for myself. 
 

[Addax]

On 10/10/2023 at 10:00 PM, littlebird said:

I trusted the pills so implicitly, I never would have believed it wasn't all me or that I'd be more stable on less meds. Still processing all the time spent drugged.

We all did. Trusted the prescribers, the pills… big pharm. It’s a lot to process and mourn and, ultimately, try to radically accept.  I still ebb and flow in the anger and resentment stage. 
 

 

[Angus]

@Addax just stopping by and hoping you are doing well in your taper☺️

Angus

[Addax]

Coming to the end of week #1 at 5.9mg. A 1.5% drop. My anxiety got the best of me so I just made a tiny drop. Something about being in the 5mg range has me nervous AF. I have had my eye on 5mg for so long. It’s where I plan to hold for a very extended period, regardless of whether I feel great.  I want a solid base to progress from as the risk of thing’s getting pretty bumpy increases.  
 

I was scared dropping to 10mg - the “knee” on the SERT chart for Fluoxetine.  It was not without its bumps getting here from 10mg, but here I am. I’d been told by a well respected psychiatrist that given how long I’d been taking Fluoxetine I may have to accept 20mg would be as low as I could go.  I waited a couple months at 10mg anticipating that fluoxetine’s long half life would result in a devastating wave two or three months later. When it didn’t happen, I thought to myself, “Fk that guy!”  Of course there is more information available now than there was when I consulted with him. His opinion might be different now. 
 

Even with the realization that I would be fine below 20mg, I have been on this med for so long… and I realize there is a part of me that wonders whether 0mg is obtainable without losing too much. Of course, I’m a bit blue right now and all the doom scrolling I’ve been doing contributes to that my current thoughts.

Also, I need to remember that occasionally being blue is “normal.” Like, even if fluoxetine and withdrawal weren’t part of the picture, people experience mood fluctuations as part of being human. Pathologizing changes in mood is too easy to do and believing that med free and withdrawal free people are even keeled sets an unrealistic expectation … like Facebook and IG can do with all of us posting only highlight reels. 
 

So today: 5.9mg. A little blue, disconnected, feeling mildly insecure about all kinds of things, but thankful that my husband is tired today, and that it’s a chilly, rainy day that aligns with how I’m feeling.

 

Does anyone question whether people like them or not? I mean, without any evidence that people don’t. Like over thinking interactions and statements.  It used to be something I associated with PMS, but seems to be a bit more persistent these days. 

 

 

 

[Angus]

@Addax You’ve come so far and are doing so well!! This will all pass- you have given me hope in my taper and I know you will have continued recovery💗💗

[Believer]

Addax,

It’s funny that you mentioned your husband’s being tired, I find that I sometimes gauge my mood based on my never medicated husband. As he tells me often, we’re human, our moods change, that’s how it is. Wish the psychologist I saw 20+ years ago would have said that, or even something  like “ your going through a difficult situation, it’s completely normal to feel the way you do”, rather than referring me a psych RN for the new “wonder” drug Zoloft.

 

Good on you, you made it to the 5’s. Every new lower digit is an awesome milestone. My next cut will put me into the 1’s. I’m looking forward to it.

 

As I’ve grown older, I think less and less about what other people think of me, so many have come and gone over the years, for various reason, usually those that go weren’t meant to stay. I figure it will keep on like that. What’s more important to me is whether I like myself. That’s the only thing I can influence, and what really matters to me. Do I shine light or bring darkness? 
 

Hang in there, you e come a long way!

[Addax]

4 hours ago, Believer said:

Wish the psychologist I saw 20+ years ago would have said that, or even something  like “ your going through a difficult situation, it’s completely normal to feel the way you do”, rather than referring me a psych RN for the new “wonder” drug Zoloft.

I hear you! It makes me think of that analogy about doctors being like hammers and treating everything like a nail.  That’s all they know to do kind of thing. (((Sigh)))

 

4 hours ago, Believer said:

My next cut will put me into the 1’s. I’m looking forward to it.

 

This is so great! From 100 to 1s. I am excited for you! I also find a lot of hope comfort in it.

4 hours ago, Believer said:

As I’ve grown older, I think less and less about what other people think of me, so many have come and gone over the years, for various reason, usually those that go weren’t meant to stay. I figure it will keep on like that. What’s more important to me is whether I like myself.

Absolutely! I have had a similar experience. And maybe that’s why these thoughts about whether people like me are so striking. Other than when I’m PMSing, it doesn’t cross my mind. And even then it’s not every time. Usually, it’s when PMS includes irritability.  It’s one of those things that inspires a game of, “Is it withdrawal or is it perimenopause.”  Dumb game, but I keep playing it. 

 

 

[Addax]

5 hours ago, Angus said:

You’ve come so far and are doing so well!! This will all pass-

A reminder from someone else is always welcome.  It’s true. It will pass. It always does.  

[Thorin]

7 hours ago, Addax said:

Does anyone question whether people like them or not? I mean, without any evidence that people don’t. Like over thinking interactions and statements.  It used to be something I associated with PMS, but seems to be a bit more persistent these days. 

Yes pretty badly at times. It doesn’t matter how strong the evidence to the contrary is I can’t make myself believer that people like or care for me. Other times I can…..

[Thorin]

17 hours ago, Addax said:

On 10/11/2023 at 1:00 PM, littlebird said:

I trusted the pills so implicitly, I never would have believed it wasn't all me or that I'd be more stable on less meds. Still processing all the time spent drugged.

We all did. Trusted the prescribers, the pills… big pharm. It’s a lot to process and mourn and, ultimately, try to radically accept.  I still ebb and flow in the anger and resentment stage. 

I’m really struggling with this at the moment. Going to stop myself before I rant but I have big feelings about this.

[Addax]

@Thorin - Thank you for sharing about the thoughts related to whether people like you.  I hate that we have these thoughts, but it’s oddly comforting to know I’m not alone with it. It’s such an odd thing. I know it’s mood related and will eventually subside as our symptoms do, but it’s very distracting and disheartening spending energy trying to read people and second guessing my interpretations.

 

3 hours ago, Thorin said:

20 hours ago, Addax said:

On 10/10/2023 at 10:00 PM, littlebird said:

I trusted the pills so implicitly, I never would have believed it wasn't all me or that I'd be more stable on less meds. Still processing all the time spent drugged.

We all did. Trusted the prescribers, the pills… big pharm. It’s a lot to process and mourn and, ultimately, try to radically accept.  I still ebb and flow in the anger and resentment stage. 

Expand  

I’m really struggling with this at the moment. Going to stop myself before I rant but I have big feelings about this.

 

I hear ya! I can get caught up in my anger around this issue. But I do my best to curtail because I cannot currently think of anyway to effectively resolve it or hold pharm accountable.  I aspire to radically accept it, and work on that…  but that’s all it is right now - an aspiration.

[Addax]

Phew!  A bit of a rough week. A day or two felt like rapid cycling of waves and windows. Maybe it was due to my 1.5% drop 10 or 12 days ago? I kind of don’t think so given fluoxetine’s long half life. 
 

Maybe it’s work related. I am not entirely loving my job these days. I find little satisfaction in it. This is not withdrawal related. It’s been a steady decline in interest. However, the recent uptick in my irritability and tendency to question whether people like me, respect me or take me seriously at work hasn’t been helpful. THAT is withdrawal related. 
 

My intention has been to be very conservative in my taper, and very restrained in the speed of my taper in order to avoid disruptions in my professional functioning and personal life. Despite the rolling waves over the last few months, I’ve generally experienced just a few disruptions - with most disruptions mostly been internal. As in, no one would have any idea. However, be that as it may, while small, there have been disruptions, and my internal experience and perhaps the effort I put in to mask it has left me emotionally and physically fatigued some days.  in other words, too much disruption. Or at least, the disruptions surpassed the line I drew in the sand for myself. 
 

On days I was particularly blue I toyed with the idea of bumping back to 6mg and committing to hold for at least two months, if not until the new year. However, when not blue, I know in a few weeks I’ll be okay. I had wanted to get to 5mg before I committed to hold for several months, but I may have to settle at this annoyingly uneven number for awhile. 
 

On the upside, despite my current tendency to make negative attributions, yesterday was good, and today appears to be starting off ok, which is a very good sign.  I believe time off from work is much needed and that it would help a lot. Unfortunately, it’s just not possible until December. 
 

Also, I need to add cardio exercise back in to my life. For many reasons, but particularly for improved mood and to reduce inflammation (which influences mood).  
 

 

[Angus]

@Addax just stopping by and catching up on your thread😊. I hope that everything has settled more and you get more clarity on the direction you want to go for the time being. You have made such progress and I know this will continue😊.

[Addax]

9 hours ago, Angus said:

You have made such progress and I know this will continue😊.

Thank you for showing up with so much positive encouragement.

 

As usually happens, the wave appears to have passed. The waves have ebbed and flowed more quickly than I anticipated. Currently, I’m much more confident that I won’t have to hold for so long at this awkward 5.9mg, and I’ll get to my planned hold at 5mg. 

 

 

[Angus]

@Addax So glad to hear!! Yes, you will reach 5 mg! I believe it!

[Addax]

This week started off rough but transitioned to feeling fine again a few days later. However, unlike other times, the trigger is easy to identify.  The trigger was a person who I have a love but mostly hate relationship with, and just anticipating having to interact with this person leaves me anxious and angry. SO angry. Most of the anger is the result of me suppressing my anger and biting my tongue… The angry feeling will dissipate during the time I have to be with them, but at that point it’s too late. So last Saturday the sustained stress on my nervous system set things in motion… by the evening I was preoccupied by feelings of guilt, catastrophic thinking, and fatigue. Sunday was similar, but I was feeling very fatigued. Monday was much the same but I had to work. However, my focus was so bad and I felt so tired I left work early. Something I haven’t had to do during this current taper.  Sundays and Mondays aren’t always great for me anyway due to anxiety related anticipation of the work week.

 

Tuesday, I woke up feeling better and by lunch things had settled down… experienced a syncopal episode, which surprised me but given my low blood pressure, not having anything to drink that day, and the activity I was involved in, it wasn’t necessarily out of the blue… although it’s never happened before in similar situations. Oddly, things went back to feeling okay again right afterward.
 

The rest of the week I was tired, but with less daylight and the rough few days, and peri-menopause BS, I’m going to say it wasn’t a surprise.

 

I am perturbed by the disruption in my work, but since it’s the first time it’s happened during this taper and there is an identifiable trigger, I’m not going to let it count towards my decision related to making a reduction in December. 

 

Today is starting off well… 🙂

 

Edited November 11, 2023 by Addax

[Angus]

@Addax I’m sorry to hear you had a rough couple of days:(. I’m so glad things settled. I hope that this weekend you are able to have continued settling.

Angus

[Hanna72]

Dear @Addax

Glad to see you are doing good, with the “normal “ ups and downs in wd. I feel you are in tuned with how withdrawals affects you and are  in control with your tapering. Looking good my friend. 
Don’t let the emotions that pop up rattle you one bit, you got this. 
 

On 11/11/2023 at 11:47 AM, Addax said:

and peri-menopause BS, I’m going to say it wasn’t a surprise.

It’s tough when menopause is thrown in the mix, feels like double trouble….doesn’t it!

 

On 10/28/2023 at 11:07 AM, Addax said:

Also, I need to add cardio exercise back in to my life. For many reasons, but particularly for improved mood and to reduce inflammation

Couldn’t agree more, exercise is crucial for our brain and mind. All the good chemicals increase😃 
 

 

On 10/28/2023 at 11:07 AM, Addax said:

but I may have to settle at this annoyingly uneven number for awhile. 

Well this “annoying” number, is a good number…you know. Any reduction no matter what number it is,  is achievement. Don’t forget you started at 20mg.

Be well and I send you my best wishes.

[Addax]

Status update.

Thongs have been going well since the last update. Until yesterday, I’ve been pretty symptom free. Yesterday I woke up with some anxiety and it took awhile to subside. This morning was similar and I was tired most of the day. Thats been it, though. I’m gearing up for a stressful work related task I have to do next week, so I suspect that’s the cause as that is what has been on my mind. I hope I can forget about it over the holiday and weekend.  
 

I will make a cute after the task is done. I’d like to drop to 5.7. 

 

[Thorin]

8 minutes ago, Addax said:

Status update.

Thongs have been going well since the last update. Until yesterday, I’ve been pretty symptom free. Yesterday I woke up with some anxiety and it took awhile to subside. This morning was similar and I was tired most of the day. Thats been it, though. I’m gearing up for a stressful work related task I have to do next week, so I suspect that’s the cause as that is what has been on my mind. I hope I can forget about it over the holiday and weekend.  
 

I will make a cute after the task is done. I’d like to drop to 5.7. 

 

Hey Addax, you recover so well from these hiccups and scares. I’m glad things have been well. Thongs too 😂. In Australia we call flip flops thongs (I think you call them flip flops???).

Work seems to be your biggest stressor from what I can see. Do you enjoy your job? My job can be pretty stressful too although I’m finding myself less bothered by it as I reduce. I think I care less which is not great but maybe a sign to look for something else…. You’re making good progress mate.

 

cheers!

[Angus]

@Addax I hope that things continue to settle for you and your work steer eases😊. You are making great progress! Enjoy the holiday!

Angus

[Addax]

On 11/20/2023 at 7:19 PM, Thorin said:

I’m glad things have been well. Thongs too 😂. In Australia we call flip flops thongs (I think you call them flip flops???)

Whoops! Haha! As far as I know withdrawal has no influence on thongs of either the American or Australian version. 😆

 

I did not know you guys call thongs what we call flip-flops. So what do you call what we hear in the U.S. call thongs?

 

On 11/20/2023 at 7:19 PM, Thorin said:

Work seems to be your biggest stressor from what I can see. Do you enjoy your job?

I like my job enough, but don’t necessarily find it meaningful. It can also be a bit isolating. Luckily, the most stressful part is intermittent and not daily or even weekly. The anxiety is part performance anxiety and one part anticipation anxiety. I have to do a lot of preparation for these intermittent “events” and the anticipation anxiety makes it harder to do than it necessarily needs to be… so that stresses me out too 😟😖. The Anticipation definitely causes a spike in some symptoms in the weeks leading up. Luckily my performance isn’t affected and the symptoms subside pretty quickly after the task is complete.  Oddly, waves don’t typically follow.  It doesn’t seem to make sense given my recent response to having to spend time with a particular individual, which triggered a wave. Although… the emotion attached to the two things is very, very different. So maybe that’s it. In any event, I am casually looking for something else. 
 

I do have to step back sometimes to appreciate the progress. Years at 60mg, and here I am at 5.9mg, fully functional+. 
 

I wish I could remember how I feel now when the next wave hits. It’s still so nuts to me that I can feel like I do now, have 100% faith that tapering off completely will happen, know, without a doubt, that what I think and how I feel during a wave is irrational and temporary, but the moment a wave hits I lose sight of all of that for about ten days and believe only worse case scenarios that will never (and have never) come true.  Silly, ridiculous withdrawal-brain! 😖.