indigo Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Hey jwbf, just came back on line and saw you crashed after reading a post about Dr Shipko. I call him Dr Shitko. You should track down what Altostrata says about him. You will have a functional life again. It will take time, and vigilance in searching out what works for you. Forget Shitko. Tune in to the Icarus Project and read the success stories forum. You can steer yourself out of this. On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Thanks frustrated, the mental ninjas are by far the hardest aspect of WD to fight in my opinion. Indigo thank you for the site, I'm on there right now doing some reading! I'm scared that I've lost the will to fight now. I haven't even gotten out of bed today. I'm weak and exhausted and feel so doomed. I feel like I'm losing my mind and going to get committed. I have no hope or positivity to pull on anymore. Totally disconnected from my husband and don't even care. Please somebody help me. Is this just because I had that window and truly thought I was cured? This is truly the most cruel sick punishment I can fathom Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Please God please let this end Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Hi justwanttobefree I feel exactly like you. It's very hard to keep going, but we have to. There's healing in the end of this journey. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
shelby Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 This is a pattern I find sometimes. We have courage to fight. We get tired of fighting and want to give up. Then we get some rest (voluntary or through shear fatigue) and we are ready to fight again. Your will to fight will come back once you get enough rest. So will your Windows. Just keep "swimming". You will make it I promise! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Hey Just, stopping by to send you hugs and strength! I'm still following your thread and you're making so much progress. Maybe it's with us like with babies developing: They make a huge jump in development and then they sleep a lot, get a flu or something to set them back a bit. Take time to rest! Treat yourself! Is there anything you enjoy doing at the moment? Can you get a massage? Your power will come back soon! Just hang on! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
AliG Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Hi JWTBF, try and remember, "this too shall pass". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Thank you guys for holding me up when I just want to fall down. I need you right now. This fatigue is debilitating and the depression is unrelenting. I can barely talk to anyone, my brain is fogged and tired and I still have zero hope of this changing. This is me now, life after ssris. A f*cking zombie with no emotion and no will to fight. I'm scared that because I know I'm in the windows and waves pattern now, I won't have another window because of my attitude. I truly thought I was cured during that window I had a few weeks ago and now that I know I'm not and I'm going to be in this for years, I'm just going to stay in this hell. This is torture. My mind and body are a torture chamber. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Flowers Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 So sorry you are feeling bad. I had a window too a while ago and thought I was cured. Then a wave hit and knocked me for 6. I was in hell. But I am coming into a window again I think. Do not give up hope a window will come along for you too. I really hope it is soon. Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Oh Just, I wish I could give you a hug! I'm the same: Lying on the couch, too fatigued to do anything. Wondering if this is still the depression caused by the f*** antidepressant or if I'm getting depressed now because so much in my life has been ruined by these stupid pills. But don't worry, you had a window, you'll get another one. That's what everyone here says. The windows come back and they get bigger and bigger. Are you able to do anything? Maybe do a guided meditation or breathing exercise? I managed to drag myself to get up this morning and do a "Yoga for healthy lungs" exercise. It was very mild movements. Barely any energy needed, but it still made me feel a lot better. I was trying to focus on the muscles in my body and my breathing. It gave me a tiny little break from thinking in circles. Sending you a biiiig hug! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Justwanttobefree, I know it is hard but please be happy that you did have a window. I have never had any and would be thankful for a moment without scary thoughts and debilitating anxiety. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
shelby Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 How are you feeling today? 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 I am getting worse. After my last period I have slipped slowly into a deep empty pit of nothingness. No terror, no despair. Just total loss of humanity. The fatigue is so overwhelming I truly feel like I have terminal cancer. Cannot get up in the morning. Can barely lift my arms. Have completely isolated myself from my friends and family. No sense of self, no will to fight anymore. I don't even care. Every minute is fragmented from the last. To go outside feels like it would be going into a different world. My life doesn't flow or make sense anymore. Had blood tests done and have a ferritin of 16 and iron saturation of 16%, both of which can contribute to fatigue and depression. Do you think my doctor cares? Nope. Wrote me a prescription for sertraline and clonazepam which I obviously shredded as I walked away. No one cares and no one can help. I'm losing this battle friends. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Oh Just, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Doctors are really useless. Seems like they are best used just for blood tests and everything they say disregarded. I also have very low Ferritin. Actually 16 as well. I am sometimes wondering if this contributes to my misery. At least it's something we can address... Hang in there Just! It will get better!!! (((((hugs)))) Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Hi just, I just posted on skylers thread about this..how about looking into a functional medicine doctor..they look at underlying conditions without just prescribing something to mask things..xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
shelby Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Sorry jwbf... remember your window, maybe not how you felt. Just that you had one. I painted my daughters closet today (my wife helped). I thought i was going to drop dead any moment. You know that dreadful grimm reaper feeling. But i didnt and now "he" has gone (other symptoms are still there). It was just exhaustion. Try this... just close your eyes and see if you stop breathing. I tried this and it never works because we wont stop breathing. Our body fights to live with each breath. Even if you held your breath after a while you would just pass out and... start breathing again. Eat and get fluids even if you have to force yourself. At some point we WILL get better. Windows and waves. You, me and many others will follow the same pattern to recovery. Thats right, recovery! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Thank you guys, I literally can't even take any comfort from anyone anymore. I am too far gone. I can't even get out of bed. I have completely given up hope and have no idea who I am anymore. Guaranteed I have tardive dysphoria and am going to suffer with this depression for the rest of my life. **** **** **** **** **** I hate my life. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Just, don't give up!!! It's a tough time and most likely the depression won't go away over night. But it will go away little by little. You'll get windows to recharge. You'll get your life back! You'll have many years still to enjoy. Keep going!!! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 JWTBF, I am feeling the same. Like if it went always worse. I dont know what is right but I think you hold already for seven months without medicaments. Maybe you would never be so close to stay med free like in this moment. Try to still keep a little, I think the depression mostly lifts within one year. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
AliG Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Hi Just, I hope you're feeling better soon. Don't forget this time last month you were having a window. I'm sure you will have another , soon. I have found during the "waves", you just have to hang on tight! Eventually , it will start to settle down. I'm finding that, and I'm sure you will, as well. Stay strong. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 I love you guys, thank you so much for the uplifting words. I am following all of your threads, just have been too screwed up to write anything. My husband has given up and informed me this morning that we made a huge mistake getting married and that he is thinking of leaving me. We have only been married 8 months (I CT'ed a month after our wedding). Oh god, I HAVE TO GET BETTER. I HAVE TO. PLEASE GOD PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! I promised myself the day I took my last Prozac that if my marriage got threatened in anyway that I would go back on meds. I cant lose him you guys, he is everything to me. Currently suffering from fatigue (which has improved 25% since my last post) and just complete depression and hopelessness. I can fake my way through this right? He just needs me to be the positive proactive girl that I was before this hell. Please someone tell me to fake it till I make it. Tell me I am strong enough. God I hope I am strong enough. If I lose him I will ******* go insane. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Oh Just, that's horrible!!! I'm thinking of you! I'll write more in a little bit, just know that I'm thinking of you! Don't take any rushed decisions with the meds now. Wait and calm down first. Sending you a big hug!!!! I hate these meds and what they do to people's lives.... Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
direstraits Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 my heart is breaking for you that your husband wouldsay that-how about his vow-in sickness & in health? so sorry -you deserve better what he needs is to be a supportive,caring husband to you in your time of need went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Thanks Laura, you are such an awesome support!! I just need to know that this is not going to get any worse. I can push through if someone tells me that I'm through the worst of it. I'm 10 days into my 8th month. The WD's were the most hideous in month 5 and half of month 6. Direstraits I know, it's so incredibly painful but I have put him through so much these last 4 years. I have leaned on him 100% and he has carried me. Now he has nothing left and I still need him. I hate myself. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Is this depression going to lift or am I going to be stuck with it?!?! Haven't had a window in almost a month!!!!!!!!! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
clearday Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm 10 days into my 8th month. The WD's were the most hideous in month 5 and half of month 6. Please someone tell me to fake it till I make it. Tell me I am strong enough. I also CT'd off Prozac years ago. I was fine for 4 months, then got hit hard with WD. My worst months were months 4-6. Then symptoms lifted to difficult but tolerable. But fatigue, depression, brain fog, and sensitivity to light persisted for a couple years. Slowly improved. I faked it till I made it. It was a tough road, but my Prozac WD is well in the past. I have no lingering symptoms of Prozac WD. Depression and brain fog are gone. Sensitivity to light is gone. And now, I am going through a couple years of WD again, this time from Lexapro, and different WD symptoms. It's been horrible. I lose hope often, then regain hope, and fight another day. I survived Prozac, I will survive Lexapro. I look to the future when someday I will have no lingering symptoms of Lexapro WD, the same as my Prozac WD finally went away for good. But it will take time. It often seems we are not strong enough to soldier through this. Our patience wears thin. But we have no choice, we have to keep moving forward. If months 5 and 6 were your worst, then you too are slowly improving. The drugs are out of your system, now it is up to your body to heal at its own pace. Fighting through WD, you are getting stronger just by learning to deal with it. And knowing that you will slowly improve can give you hope to keep up the fight. Read this story again - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3523-success-recovery-from-protracted-zoloft-withdrawal-and-pssd/ Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Hey Just, I wanted to take a bit more time to write to you. It's very sad that your husband reacts in such a hurtful way. He's probably overwhelmed and frustrated with the situation and doesn't know how to deal with it. Seeing a loved one in pain is very challenging for family members, but it's still not an excuse to just give up a marriage. Have you tried talking things through with him? Was the situation good before you CTed? I think he needs to understand that this is a phase which will pass and that afterwards, things will be beautiful again. He also needs to make sure he cares for himself, goes out with friends, does sports etc. to make sure he stays mentally balanced. Don't go back on meds for him I would say though. If you end up doing it, only do it for yourself. You've already come such a long way, it would be a shame to give up now. If he's ready to leave you after a couple of months of difficulties, who knows how things would turn out in the future. It would be such a shame to end up back on meds and then realize the relationship isn't working regardless. Fingers crossed things will settle again. I wish you lot's of strength! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
AliG Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Hi Just, I'm so sorry to hear this. Your husband is probably overwhelmed . I have found communication and education to be key. I f your husband understands the symptoms are temporary and what caused them , hopefully he can be more understanding. I know it's so hard to be positive, some days, but it can help to keep things "light". As you said, "fake it until you make it". Hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Dane22 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 oh Just. I wish I had the answers for you. For me, I try to live in "today". I do my best to not obsess about the "what ifs" as I have no control over tomorrow and It only makes me anxious. Be the best partner you can today. All you can do is your best. Give him a hug, say something endearing. Sometimes positive relationships can lighten our own personal burdens. Fake it until you make it? I agree with that. Its not always possible for me to fake happiness, but many times I can get by. Eventually,. it becomes easier to fake it. Much better, for me. to fake it than it is to be miserable outside and in. Keep us update. keep life simple. Just do your best, that all you can do right now. September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg. October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective. January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects. August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014 November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015 January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015 March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 I am doing worse. I can't stand it. I've lost all will to live. I am severely depressed and empty. I have zero human connection to anyone or anything. I can't feel love for my husband and can't even act normal around him anymore. I am extremely exhausted and now I have a UTI. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!! No relief in a month. I am DONE!!!!! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 I'm 7.5 months in and not improving at all. I'm not going to make it another month like this. What human being can survive and maintain a marriage and a job when they feel suicidally depressed and completely detached from reality 24/7. This is unbearable Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 ((((Just)))) Please hold on. You are through the worst of this hell. Every single day will get better from now on. Keep looking for the very subtle improvements and you'll see them. Love you much. Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
AliG Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Hang on, Just. Things will get better. Hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
btdt Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 This is a pattern I find sometimes. We have courage to fight. We get tired of fighting and want to give up. Then we get some rest (voluntary or through shear fatigue) and we are ready to fight again. Your will to fight will come back once you get enough rest. So will your Windows. Just keep "swimming". You will make it I promise! Then just when you think you have this wd thing all figured out it will all change... yep rubic cube style... and the learning process starts again.. it just keeps going like that. It is all a lesson what you learn early on in survival will be what sustains you later like an education you build on it .. but when the cube shifts it will throw you so be ready come and talk.. whatever it is somebody here had it. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 You guys are right, I need to just keep hanging on. Every day is a new day closer to recovery although it doesn't feel that way at all. Can anhedonia be permanent? The last time I felt true joy/love/happiness for more than a fleeting second was in January 2014 on 20 mg of Prozac before I dropped down to 10mg and then CT. I am terrified I'm damaged forever, I read that when the dopamine gets to unbalanced in the brain it can be permanent Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
AliG Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Hi Just, thought you might like this quote I found in "recovery". The recovery was slow and painful, but I became conscious of every little improvement as it happened. I got used to the pattern: something would get better for a while, then suddenly everything would swing right back and all that recovery would vanish. But I learnt the trick - once something had recovered temporarily, it was only a matter of time before it recovered permanently. It made no difference if it came back for a while... it had already revealed its weakness, and sooner or later it was going to be gone for good. That was true in every single case. Success: Recovery From Protracted Zoloft Withdrawal and PSSD - Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal - Surviving Antidepressants Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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