Muddles Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 You guys are right, I need to just keep hanging on. Every day is a new day closer to recovery although it doesn't feel that way at all. Can anhedonia be permanent? The last time I felt true joy/love/happiness for more than a fleeting second was in January 2014 on 20 mg of Prozac before I dropped down to 10mg and then CT. I am terrified I'm damaged forever, I read that when the dopamine gets to unbalanced in the brain it can be permanent Where did you read this? This is very scary because I know for a fact my main issue is dopamine. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Sorry to scare you muddles. This whole experience is terrifying. I was googling about anhedonia and read it at this site: alcohol rehab.com/anhedonia Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
clearday Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I had anhedonia during Prozac WD for a couple years. It totally went away. You are so early in protracted WD, you have to wait over a year before assessing long-term damage. The first year or so is a write-off. You just need to survive during this phase. Listen to the stories of people on here who have survived and recovered rather than googling and latching on to worst-case scenarios. We all do it, we try to inform ourselves. But in our suffering state, we think the worst will happen to us. Those who have recovered often spent a couple years in hell and things slowly improved. They rode it out. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3523-success-recovery-from-protracted-zoloft-withdrawal-and-pssd/ Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Martina23 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Clearday, you are a very intelligent man. I like your comments. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
clearday Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Martina and jwtbf, I am hoping that your suffering, and everyone's suffering here, becomes more tolerable. You are like a Superhero, fighting as hard as you do. I wish you all the best. We should not have been put through this, but here we are. We fight this together. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Just sending a hug for Just! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Clearday bless you for what you wrote above, I have been repeating it to myself over and over since you posted it. Hugs back to you Laura, I will read your thread soon but I hope you have found some relief ❤️ I'm really scared guys. I'm completely dead inside like I cannot feel ANYTHING positive. I don't even think I'm depressed just totally detached and empty. God what I wouldn't do to feel love. I would do anything. I am so ******* terrified that this is going to be my life forever. It must be getting even worse because now I have irritability along with my anhedonia. My husband was cuddling me last night and I'm actually getting mad and wanting him to go away. I CANT TAKE THIS GOD PLEASE NO Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Hey Just, good to hear from you! Don't worry about reading my thread. I'm not posting that much because there's nothing really new. I have made a bit of progress with the muscle twitching and the brain zapping. I still have no emotions and hate the world, but hey, we all do, right? I was watching those videos: http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/ Ian, the guy in the video says something like "it's good for people to distract themselves, because it helps them to get from one day to the next. And that's really all they need to do". I find it so relieving that we actually don't need to do anything else than wait and try to survive. I know you can survive! And I know that you will get better. Keep holding on! You'll get your feelings back! Cheers, Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Bless you Laura, that is a really good point. We just have to get through every day and pray that with enough time this will lift. So terrified that I'm coming into my period again. Jesus give me strength. Does anyone here know anything about hormones? I'm not on any birth control and had my progesterone tested on Day 14 of my cycle (Day 1 being the first day of my period) and it was 5.1. I need to know if that is low or not. My OCD is out of control these days which is worrisome since this is why I was put on meds in the first place. My mind is latching onto the fact that I have anhedonia and I'm ruminating non-stop about my husband coming home tonight and knowing I wont even recognize him let alone feel anything positive. I also have a symptom that I despise and I'm wondering if anyone else has it. Not sure if it's DP/DR or brain fog or what but I've never experienced anything like it until WD. It feels like time is all broken up. like each minute is a fragment. There is no flow to my days - Nothing makes sense or works together. Even going outside seems like it'd be going to a different world. I have no sense of the future or the past, I'm just trying to survive. Everything is hazy. Please god tell me this goes away. No windows since last month, no breaks. Absolute torment. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Please guys I can't do this alone I need help please I promise I'll go onto your threads when I feel better and give you support!!! I'm begging you guys I need help so badly my OCD is just racing Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I relate to the feeling that time is being broken up..totally horrific, isn't it? Justwanttobefree..can you reinstate a tiny tiny amount just to take the edge off? X 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Hey Just, so sorry to hear you're still feeling so bad! In my worst phase I tried to distract myself with funny cat videos. It was the only thing that worked. https://youtu.be/VJjReLsq5DM I checked the reference range for Progesterone. Female (mid-cycle): 5 to 20 ng/mL So seems like you are within the normal range. It's so engaging that we have to suffer so much because of these crappy drugs. Sending you a big hug! I hope you get through the day ok! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Hey Just, so sorry to hear you're still feeling so bad! In my worst phase I tried to distract myself with funny cat videos. It was the only thing that worked. https://youtu.be/VJjReLsq5DM I checked the reference range for Progesterone. Female (mid-cycle): 5 to 20 ng/mL So seems like you are within the normal range. It's so engaging that we have to suffer so much because of these crappy drugs. Sending you a big hug! I hope you get through the day ok! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Dane22 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Just. Don't worry about our threads. Please, take care of yourself at he moment and you can support others when you have the extra energy. I have to agree. In bad moments, I'll watch funny videos on you tube. Short ones that don't require focus. It helps bring about a smile and helps pull me out of my own little head. Try it. It cannot hurt. As far as reinstatement of a small amount to help center yourself, perhaps a moderator can chime in about that. I'm in no position with my history to chime in on that one. For me, personally, I have left over Prozac in the event that I hit a wall and I start sinking. Take care of just today. Use any extra energy to hug your husband. He needs you. You are needed. All of us are needed. Hugs. September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg. October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective. January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects. August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014 November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015 January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015 March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey. Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Hi Just Sorry things are so bad at the moment. It will lift. There is a thread about dealing with OCD in the symptoms and self-care section. Hope you feel better very very soon. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
shelby Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Hi jwbf. Yes i can relate to time being broken up. I cant describe it very well. Its like i keep waking up from sleep walking every 5 to 10 minutes. Constant dizziness and feeling like im going to faint. I hope it passes for us. Just keep holding on! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 LoveandLight / Dane22 thankyou guys for your reply but I absolutely can't reinstate :'( How could I now after reading all the horrifying stories on this site? It hardly works for anyone this far out and I can't stand getting even 1% worse. I am at my breaking point. Laura thankyou so much for looking up the progesterone range for me, you are a sweetheart <3 Yes I seem to be within range but definitely at the low end. Not sure if that can be affecting me. On the 4th day of my period and it has been traumatizing - Immense psychological torture. Agony. Blue I appreciate you stopping by, I checked out that link and it was actually quite helpful xo Shelby I'm glad someone else has experienced this disgusting symptom - It's so hard to try to be positive and normal when I'm totally detached from reality. Nothing feels real or flows together. I feel like I have truly given up. I sob uncontrollably and scream into my pillow for hours at a time. My soul is shattering. The depression is so terrifiying, so deep, the despair so black, I physically cannot fathom it. I am anxious, disoriented, and have completely withdrawn from my family, friends, husband, and pets. I have to connection to anyone or anything. Nothing can comfort me. am terrified for my future, God only knows what horrors it holds. All I can think about is when this pain becomes too much to bear I will have to go to the hospital and get medicated which will go paradoxical and I will either become catatonic, stuck in the terror of my own mind, or a manic violent psycho. I am losing everything. How could 10mg of Prozac CT do this to me? Someone please tell me to keep fighting because I cant find it within myself anymore. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So sorry you feel like this..it will pass..xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
shelby Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Jwbf, we WILL write a success story one day. Do you have a phone that you can record on? Record that... "i will make it, i will heal, i will write my own success story!" Play it over and over and over......... 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
SelmaLady Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Thank you Just for posting on my thread. I read your posts ALWAYS and so wish that I could somehow bring you up out of this excruciating pit that you are in right now. You WILL come out of this but I know how hard that is to grasp at all when in a world that seemingly doesn't exist. And the time distortions really increase the sense of isolation. All we can do is to get through bit by bit and know that healing is taking place and will continue until we find ourselves out in the sunshine again. You're going to get past this. Write sticky notes and put them up around where you are. Read success stories. This w/d is an illusion in every sense of the word and it lies to us and tells us we not only will not get better but that we're going to continue to get worse until there is nothing left of us at all. NOT TRUE. We will continue to exist and will one day be free of this horror. Any distraction that helps at all, try to do that. I used to walk my neighborhoods when I was first recovering in the '80's and was in a cement head with absolutely no reality whatsoever. It got me through the day. Just anything that helps time to pass, even though you many not be able to even perceive the passing. EVERYONE gets better in time. xoxoxo 1971-81 Valium 5mg c/t PAWS 1992- through now Zoloft 25mg 2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off 2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS 2013 O/D Val 230mg 2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg 3/15/16 Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper 3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 - Decreasing incrementally. DISCONTINUED 10/9/16 Doxepin 48.9 Zoloft 24.3 Clonidine 01.10 Continuing micro taper on Doxepin. 11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg Zoloft 24.3mg Clonidine 1.30mg 5/4/17 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 24mg Clonidine 1.20mg Micro taper of Doxepin , Clonidine 01/13/19 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 21mg Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19 12/21/21 Doxepin 20 mg ? Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml 12/2121 Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. ) 26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0- Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Oh my god you guys I'm so detached from reality I can't even explain it. Woke up severely depressed and then had extreme anxiety and panic all day because of it. Having repeated thoughts of going to the hospital and begging them to medicate me. So terrified. Please tell me I'm not losing my mind, it feels like I've truly lost it. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Jesus God please somebody help me. I can't control my thoughts it feels like I'm not myself oh god no please I can't take this torture Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Hey Just, I'm here thinking of you! sending you a big hug. I'm quite bad myself today, crying all day. Let's go do something. How do you feel about a yoga exercise? Or some breathing? I'll try now. Cheers, Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Thanks for the kind words and thoughts Laura but nothing can touch this now. I have never felt like this in my life. I need someone to tell me that I cannot lose my mind from this withdrawal. Am I going to have a mental breakdown?! I don't even know what's going on, should I go to the hospital? Please please I need answers!!! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Oh Just.... Sorry you're feeling so bad! It's probably an awful wave. It will pass. Your brain chemicals are doing this to you. How long have you been feeling this bad? I don't think you can lose your mind. It will all come back as soon as the your brain readjusts. I'm not sure about the hospital. They may give you drugs. Do you think you can keep yourself safe during the wave? Is your husband there? Otherwise maybe write down what they are not allowed to give you before going there. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Yes my husband is here. I just feel so other worldly. I think I made a huge mistake coming off these God foresaken drugs. Is every single person on this site expected to recover? What about the original conditions people were being treated for? I need some guidance, I feel like this can only end bad for me and I'm going to suffer immeasurable torture until I lose my mind and my self completely Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted May 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 26, 2015 Hi JW , as frightening as it is , your w/d is not abnormal. Lots of people find they develop worse symptoms between 6 and 9 months out. The thing is now to remind yourself over and over that this is withdrawal , and it will pass. Don't ruminate about the future , it doesn't help. I had exactly the same fears as you , and am better now. My brain and personality survived severe protracted withdrawal, and yours will too. 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Thank you fresh ❤️ WD can't make my psychotic this far out can it? I have gotten so much worse I can't leave the house or even talk to my husband. Why is this happening?!? Everything is too bright, I'm stuck in my head and I can't get out. I'm super anxious and feel completely detached from reality. Has anyone else experiencing DP/DR to this degree? That you don't hardly recognize your family and not a person on the planet can comfort you or help you? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Yes..I get this.. I'm sorry ((hugs)) xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Hey Just, That's the wd doing this to you. If the wd was something I could punch, I would punch it right in the nose now for doing this to you. Those feelings will pass, the real you will come back and life will be beautiful once again. You wouldn't believe what kind of psychotic thoughts I had the first two weeks after stopping the Sertraline. I can't even write them here, they are too scary. Luckily they passed. Hugs!!! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Oh god I think I've truly lost it. 10mg of Prozac CT and im unrecognizable to the person I was. Can't stop obsessing and googling and completely detached from reality. Am I doing this to myself ?!?? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Noo! I've thought that also..maybe I'm doing this to myself..but it's like a strange obsession that withdrawal seems to bring and it's horrible. But no, it's still withdrawal xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
SelmaLady Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Oh god I think I've truly lost it. 10mg of Prozac CT and im unrecognizable to the person I was. Can't stop obsessing and googling and completely detached from reality. Am I doing this to myself ?!?? ((Just)) Best not to be "googling" as you will find all sorts of diseases and conditions that match w/d symptoms and will just increase your anxiety. I know when we are at our very worst we seem to want to find something to explain what' happening to us and maybe a way out. But what is happening to us is a dysregulated brain chemistry and it will find its way back on its own. Our thots are scary now and tell us terrible things are happening and we have to try to "fix" them or we will either die or become completely unhinged. Neither is going to happen. We're going to come out of this just as soon as the brain "reworks" the system. Praying for you to be able to believe that this will find a way to recovery. xoxoxo 1971-81 Valium 5mg c/t PAWS 1992- through now Zoloft 25mg 2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off 2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS 2013 O/D Val 230mg 2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg 3/15/16 Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper 3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 - Decreasing incrementally. DISCONTINUED 10/9/16 Doxepin 48.9 Zoloft 24.3 Clonidine 01.10 Continuing micro taper on Doxepin. 11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg Zoloft 24.3mg Clonidine 1.30mg 5/4/17 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 24mg Clonidine 1.20mg Micro taper of Doxepin , Clonidine 01/13/19 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 21mg Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19 12/21/21 Doxepin 20 mg ? Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml 12/2121 Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. ) 26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0- Link to comment
btdt Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Oh god I think I've truly lost it. 10mg of Prozac CT and im unrecognizable to the person I was. Can't stop obsessing and googling and completely detached from reality. Am I doing this to myself ?!?? No your not doing this to yourself how could You? That is not a question I ever asked myself ... I don't think with my bad memory of late I could have lol.... but seriously this is not something in your head it is wd. Try some of the self care things .. scan the self care section and see what speaks to you. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
luv2knit Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 (((Just))) You are not doing this to yourself, sweetie--it is withdrawal. We all may suffer different symptoms, but from what I have seen, the being detached from reality is one we all pretty much share. Try to hang in there. You are going through a part of WD right now that is typically very rough. I know it was for me. Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 I just can't comprehend how I had that one window over a month ago and now I've been severely depressed and detached ever since. I have given into this hell. I lost my will to fight. Somebody please tell me the depression goes away. I have no hope and I'm 8 months out. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
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