☼ dan998: Cold turkey, reinstatement and tapering citalopram

[Dan998]

Happy for you Dan!

 

Hope you are finding time to relax too - as you know,  it's very important that you don't over do it.

Cheers Flowers, 

Don't worry, I'm having plenty of nice long breaks. Plenty of sport on the telly for me to relax to.

[Dan998]

Keep on keeping on. It's all we can do. 

[Fresh]

Dan , I'm so pleased that you've decided to hold - as you say , after this long what's another month or two here

and there?

My experience of reinstating is that things continued to improve , so I waited 8 months before starting to taper

pristiq. You may find the next few weeks are the same for you.

 

You deserve a break , enjoy it.

 

.

[Dan998]

I've been overdoing things the last few days. I woke up in the night with painful muscle spasms in my legs. Despite these cramps, I actually had the best night's sleep in months. 

 

It's hard to strike the balance between doing too much and not doing enough. I find that keeping busy really does quell the anxiety and ruminating. If I have an easy day I really notice it, I feel guilty for doing nothing and get really stressed out.

 

I think this is my real personality. I can remember pre-ADs being quite hyperactive. I had a very low boredom threshold, I could never sit still, was always fiddling about, constantly in motion, always active. It's as if I'm rediscovering things about myself that the AD's hid from view. 

 

I know I mustn't go too fast though and shall try to approach this in a similar way to tapering, slowing increasing my activity levels at a pace that my recovering brain can cope with.

[Dan998]

It's Saturday night and I'm going to treat myself to a pint of beer. It's not really much of a treat, because before the ADs I would have put my lucky pants on and gone into town for a binge-drinking session. When I'm healed I'm going to do this again. I'm going to enjoy bouncing off the walls, being sick in a litter bin, urinating in a doorway and waking up in a police station... Oh, on second thoughts, maybe not.

[direstraits]

hahaha...good for you

[Iamfine]

This is a good thread, upbeat and lots of reports of improvement. I too find some threads triggering and reading the suffering of others tends to magnify my own suffering. I had a nice three day window after reinstating Seroquel. I took that stuff down to zero way too fast and paid the price.

 

I actually mowed the lawn this morning. Been sitting around like a bum since then but that's okay. Just a few months ago my wife would have to do that for me, so I know I am making progress.

 

I am not feeling quite as good today as the previous three days, it's tolerable but still a little slip. I suppose you can't expect to feel good every day.

 

I have kept up my running regimen for about 4 months now and I feel great about that. I was bed/couch ridden for about two years there, living a life of constant torture and anguish. I still often have those feelings but usually at a much lower tolerable level. It's strange how unpredictable this illness can be. I know that sleep is one of my biggest needs, if I have a bad sleep I can just plan on having a miserable day.

 

Keep up all the good work everybody!

[ladybug99]

Hi Dan. How's it going? Sounds like you're making progress with stabilizing. You're getting out and about, so i say that's a good sign. Keep up the good work!

[Dan998]

Hi Iamfine, 

I try to keep as positive as I can, even when I am having a bad day. We are all suffering from this awful condition and it's far too easy to feed off each others misery. Laughter is the best medicine and it makes me feel good to bring a smile to someone's face.

 

I use mowing the lawn as a form of meditation. It's kind of hypnotic, plodding along at a gentle pace, the noise of the engine drowning out external sounds, the smell of the cut grass, the sun on my face. It's all good and I get a sense of achievement afterwards. 

 

As for being couch ridden, I know all about that. Sitting there watching life pass me by, a prisoner in my own home. I'm pleased that I've put that behind me now, and the agoraphobia that I had for many years. 

 

I've been thinking of taking up running to burn off some of my nervous energy. I've been told that it helps alleviate anxiety and stress, others on here have said that it has the opposite effect on withdrawal. What has been your experience? 

[LoveandLight]

Your doing great! And yes, you've brought a smile on my face here..

 

Excercise seems to have a bad effect on me..but you could try..gently first?

[Dan998]

Thanks Love, 

 

You've cheered me up too. I can sense that you have a wicked sense of humour that is just waiting to shine through. 

[LoveandLight]

Thanks!

[ladybug99]

Hi Dan. I find walking helps a lot. It's just enough to get the endorphins up and running. I haven't started the rigorous exercise yet...too afraid it might rev me up even more. Consider walking...good for the mind, soul and body. Glad to see you're improving! Being able to mow the lawn is a sure sign.

[Iamfine]

Hi Iamfine,

I try to keep as positive as I can, even when I am having a bad day. We are all suffering from this awful condition and it's far too easy to feed off each others misery. Laughter is the best medicine and it makes me feel good to bring a smile to someone's face.

 

I use mowing the lawn as a form of meditation. It's kind of hypnotic, plodding along at a gentle pace, the noise of the engine drowning out external sounds, the smell of the cut grass, the sun on my face. It's all good and I get a sense of achievement afterwards.

 

As for being couch ridden, I know all about that. Sitting there watching life pass me by, a prisoner in my own home. I'm pleased that I've put that behind me now, and the agoraphobia that I had for many years.

 

I've been thinking of taking up running to burn off some of my nervous energy. I've been told that it helps alleviate anxiety and stress, others on here have said that it has the opposite effect on withdrawal. What has been your experience?

 

Dan- I have also read here that some people have trouble with exercise. A year ago I had the same problem, it was a major victory for me to walk to the mailbox and back. The vast majority of my time was spent in bed or on the couch. It killed me too because pre-meds I was very athletic, bicycling 200+ miles a week, running 20+ miles a week. Meds turned me into a fat, lazy basket case. I gained 70 lb's.

 

About 4 months ago I had rid myself off enough of the meds to start being a little more active. At first I jogged/walked for 5 minutes, then 8, then 10, then I started to remember how strenuous exercise used to make me feel and I plodded on. Today I did 40 minutes. I feel better both during and for several hours after exercise.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am still a fat miserable wreck of a person but I am leaps and bounds better than I was just a year ago.

 

A side bonus is that I have lost 30 lb's of the Seroquel weight and the mailbox doesn't seem quite so far away just take it slow, very slow...

[AliG]

 Hi Dan, Just saying "Hi". Not sure if you're idea of a good "Saturday night", correlates with mine , but I get the "Jist".  Exercise, is "really great", once you get to that "stage". I have just started to go "there", with intensive "Cardio". For me It's starting to work, but I started "slow".  Some days , are just  a "no go". As in , you just know, you can't do it. I am trying to listen to my body, and I think of you do that you can't go "far wrong".  However , I'm envious of Lamfine, because no matter what I do ,I can't shed the "drug" weight.   Keep on keeping , on.

[Dan998]

Hi AliG,

I've noticed that the more active I am, the better I feel. I'm not quite there with the cardio yet. I have been walking more, there is plenty of beautiful countryside where I live and I've been making an effort to explore some of it. The plan is to slowly increase my pace until I feel able to run some of the way. Maybe in a year or two I'll be running marathons. 

 

I know what you mean about the 'drug weight', I lost loads of weight during ct, but have put it all back on again since reinstating. 

[AliG]

 I'm so envious of "your beautiful countryside", to walk in.  We have some lovely "spots", ( mainly the beach), but also up north "The Daintree", Forests.  Unfortunately, they're not on my "back door". However I do live in a "pretty" spot, but haven't taken advantage of it, for a while.  I keep "procrastinating", every day, and find it very "tough" to  actually "get out there".  This W/D thing is "rough" .

[Dan998]

The mornings are the hardest for me. It usually takes until lunchtime to summon the energy to get started. It could be because I take my citalopram at night and it lasts until midday for the sedative effects to wear off. Shouldn't complain though, at least I'm sleeping again, wasn't that long ago that I had insomnia and felt tired all day long. Tired and wired, everything was a tremendous effort back then, just making a cup of tea would wipe me out.

[AliG]

Hey , I'm off "the drugs", and still the same. "When does it end"??  Are you working ? Haven't read your "whole thread".   I'm wiped out, "everyday".   Mornings are " Crap".   Hang in .

[Iamfine]

Oh I still have about thirty lb's to go before I get back to my old fighting weight but I'm getting there. The meds probably put about 70 lb's on me.

[Dan998]

I still don't know why the meds make you fat. I've been eating the same amount of food, the SSRI's must somehow mess about with the metabolism. 

[Iamfine]

Seroquel did it to me for the most part. It makes you ravenously hungry.

[Dan998]

AliG, I was always able to hold down a job whilst on antidepressants. That was until I had a failed cold turkey attempt in 2011. It was particularly nasty and I knew nothing about withdrawal back then. I assumed that it was my original condition and that I was seriously mentally ill.

 

I went back on the drugs. I developed agoraphobia, isolated myself from friends and family. I think I gave up on life. I didn't care about anything or anyone. I haven't worked since.

 

I think I will be ready to return to work soon though. This recent cold turkey and reinstatement has somehow broken the spell of agoraphobia, as if I'd hit the reset button in my brain, I am able to go out again. I'm also feeling more confident interacting with people as my head is far less cloudy and my thoughts less muddled now that I have stabilised on half my original dose.

 

I will probably have to go self employed, I'll need to be able to pick my own hours and workload depending on how I'm feeling during the taper that I have ahead of me.

[Dan998]

"Fat, lazy basket case." yep, that is my experience of antidepressants too.

[freespirit]

I still don't know why the meds make you fat. I've been eating the same amount of food, the SSRI's must somehow mess about with the metabolism. 

 

Hi Dan,

 

Yep, they definitely do change metabolism..and probably a lot we don't yet understand. Most of the SSRI's and others cause insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome. Some raise cortisol levels, which can result in weight gain and more inflammation...for many people, even after they get off the drugs, it takes awhile before they can lose weight.

 

I gained 70 pounds on Remeron, and developed diabetes...I tried numerous times to lose weight, increase exercise, change diet...and nothing worked. Once I stopped taking it, I was losing 3-4 pounds a week, before I did anything to change my diet. I have been fortunate to lose 45 lbs in 10 months, with still a long way to go.

 

I'm so glad to hear you feel you'll be able to go back to work. That seems like a big step. I've been self-employed a long time, as being in a workplace has never suited me. It has its own challenges, but a lot of rewards. I'm not working much at the moment, but hope to be able to do a bit more. I'm semi-retired. I wish you well finding your way with this. good luck.

[Flowers]

Hi Dan

 

 

Just dropped by to see how you are doing. Having read that you are thinking about work indicates that you are doing just great!! Fab!!

 

What time do you take your Cit at night? I take mine around 11pm just before bed as they send me off to sleep quite quickly. I am like you feeling a little drugged until midday when the fug clears! It will be lovely one day to have the whole day feeling fresh and with it!

[Dan998]

Hello Flowers,

 

I don't think I can remember what it was like to wake up feeling fresh and ready to take on the day! Can't wait to experience it again. Can't wait to get off these horrible drugs. I take my poison around midnight, tried taking them in the morning, made me feel drowsy all day long.

 

We've had some lovely weather today, not as hot as you've had in Spain, but enough to get sunburn.

[Flowers]

Saw that the weather is lovely over there. It's scorching here - very muggy too! 

 

I don't much like July and August here - it's just too busy and  hot!

 

The night before last we had the festival of San Juan. Everyone goes to the beaches for bbq's and to light bonfires. At midnight the fun starts with people going into the sea for good luck. Then they spend the night drinking, partying and  sleeping on the beach. We didn't get a wink of sleep with all that racket going on!!

 

Well, I'm off now to take the dreaded pill and that'll be me for the night - I hope!

[LoveandLight]

Sunburn? I haven't seen the sun for months..north Scotland

[Dan998]

It's a big ball of fire in the sky. Don't look at it or you'll go blind. 

[Dan998]

Flowers,

Give it a year or two of recovery and you'll be on that beach joining in with the festival too.

[Dan998]

I'm fed up with today. It's the same as every other day, they all seem to merge into one. I'm stuck in a rut, doing the same things over and over again.

 

I'm fed up with the lack of excitement in my life. I'd like to go and have adventures, I'd like some new experiences. It's hard to keep going with nothing on the horizon. 

 

I'm fed up with trying to get motivated when I get so little enjoyment from anything.

 

I'm fed up with having no friends and having to spend so much time alone.  

 

I'm fed up with holding and waiting to stabilise, I just want to be free of this. I want to start living again. But, instead I'm in limbo... Waiting... Waiting... Waiting...

[Iamfine]

Dan- I feel exactly the same. But when I am having a bad day I remember back to six months or a year ago when I was doing much worse and it gives me the fuel to go on. I know it seems like forever but we'll get there.

[Pugknows]

Hi Dan. God bless you for summing up my thoughts and feelings in a nutshell. Love Pug.

[Dan998]

Yeah Iamfine, I'm just having a bad day. Had a crappy night's sleep, couldn't switch off the racing thoughts. Feeling it today. Hoping tomorrow will be different.

[Flowers]

Amen Dan!

 

Maybe you will be on the beach with us too celebrating getting off the poison!! Wouldn't that be great?!

 

xxx