☼ dan998: Cold turkey, reinstatement and tapering citalopram

[Flowers]

Don't tell me anymore! Thank goodness you know better than her. 

[Dan998]

Another thing that my doctor told me was that I shouldn't give up my e-cigarette right now. She's been nagging me for months to give it up, but I shouldn't try and quit nicotine at the same time as quitting SSSRI's, because it will confuse my brain too much.!?! 

[Dan998]

Oh well, I've got 10mg tablets now. So at least I wont have to drink foul tasting citalopram solution or faff about with syringes until I begin tapering.

[ladybug99]

Hi Dan, Flowers and Ali! I've been away on vacation. Hope ur all doing ok.

 

Dan, i had the shake hands and the twitching eye recently. I think i had it for a couple of weeks, but it went away. It's probably part of the stabilizing. Hang in there maybe just a few more weeks.

 

All my symptoms seemed to lessen this past week. They're still there, but much less. We will be starting our taper before you know it. Don't worry, Dan. You're closer to healing!

 

Hugs,

Ladybug99 ????

[Dan998]

Thanks Bug, 

 

A holiday(vacation) sounds like a splendid idea to take your mind off all this. I might try that myself, not had a holiday since being on ADs.

[ladybug99]

Oh, you should, Dan. Getting away can sometimes clean all the mental cobwebs. Even just a daycation helps.

 

How are you feeling today? Are the new symptoms visiting? They'll disappear soon, i think. They seemed to last a couple weeks for me. I was so paranoid when my eye would twitch when talking with people. I kept wondering if they thought i was winking at them! Lol!

 

Bugs99 ????

[Dan998]

Yes I had the twitchy eye again. Watched it in the mirror, it looked really creepy.  

[LoveandLight]

I get electrical zaps in my bum lol honestly not in my head where people seem to get them. It must look really strange!

[Dan998]

Haha, I'd like to see that.

[ladybug99]

Too funny, Love! Picture you, me and Dan walking together. Dan and I'winking', and you 'flexing' your bum! What a site! People would think there's a Turrets Syndrome convention going on! Lol!

[Dan998]

No-one would sit next to us on the bus

[ladybug99]

Lol!!!

 

...or at the lunch table...

[Flowers]

Just imagine you lot on my beach like that!!! lol!

[AliG]

 Hi Dan, we have to be our own "health advocates", for sure. These doctor's have no clue.  At least now we know, and can help each other.   Too funny, picturing Love with her "bum zaps", Lady "winking", and you "twitching". What a  sight !!  I'll have to think about what I can add to this , "motley crew".  This will be some "bizarre" beach party.  LOL !! 

[Dan998]

It would be funny if it wasn't so desperately sad that we are having to go through this. 

[AliG]

Don't be sad, Dan. We have to keep our spirits up.  Keep on, keeping on.

[Dan998]

The hand tremors have gone away, which is a relief as they were rather annoying. Shame the same cannot be said about the eye tremors which continue to persist. 

 

Time perception is got a bit strange lately. It either drags or flies, right now it is flying along at a worrying pace. 

 

I'm sleeping a lot better too. Getting nearly 8 hours and not waking up during the night, insomnia was for me the worst wdl symptom, so really pleased about this. 

Have been getting some really odd dreams, I had one the other night where I was shopping for aftershave, I could actually smell the different fragrances in my dream. I'm sure that means something on a subconscious level.

 

Despite my eagerness to get these poisons out of my body, I feel that I've still got a bit further to go until I'm stable enough to taper.

 

 

[Dan998]

I'm soooo bored of my boring life. 

[LoveandLight]

I'm bored of being bored with my boring life!

 

Me too, but you'll get better..things are coming back eh?

[Dan998]

Yep, slowly finding my baseline. I prefer 'mind numbing boredom' to the 'terrifying chemically induced anxiety'.

[Dan998]

I'm being dragged down into the apathy hole again. My limbs feel really heavy and my muscles are aching. I'm getting irritated because I have ideas bouncing around my brain about things that I want/ need to be getting on with. The signals are just not making their way to my body. That inital step between inaction and action just isn't happening. I cannot summon the energy to get going. Feeling restless, but glued to my chair, sort of a fizzing within. How do I even begin to describe this? It's like I'm ripping myself apart. 

[Dan998]

Once again I ask myself the question, side effects or stabilisation? Should I hold or should I jump? Stick or twist? Is this as good as it gets or should I wait some more?

[bluebalu86]

Dan, you seem to be stabilizing nicely. However, if I were you, I would wait a lot longer just to be on the safe side. I thought I was stabilizing after my Fluanxol crash in April, but now I'm getting worse again since about a month. Give your nervous system the best chance to become as stable as possible before tapering. This will give you the best chance for a successful and non-traumatizing taper. There's absolutely no reason to rush things. You're on an AD, not an antipsychotic. ADs don't have such bad risks after long term use, so you can take it as slow as possible. Feeling good/tolerable should be your priority in my humble opinion. If you rush this, it has the potential to turn very ugly on you and we should do what we can to avoid unnecessary suffering. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do, it's just my 2 cents 

[Dan998]

Thanks Blue. 

 

I know just how ugly this can turn. I was in a really bad way before I figured out that I had withdrawal and reinstated. I never felt good on ADs, I just took them because I believed my doctor that I had a mental disorder and needed them. I really think this is as good as it gets. I take your point about not rushing it, but I have been more patient than I ever thought possible. I feel that if I begin to taper, even if it's just a tiny cut, then at least I'm making progress towards being AD free.

[bluebalu86]

Then make VERY tiny cuts. You have accomplished a lot in terms of stabilization, being impatient and impulsive is not worth the risk of ruining all your progress so far. Just be careful and take things slowly. 

[ladybug99]

Hi Dan. This stinks! Doesn't it? I'm in the same boat. One day we feel better and think we can take on the tapering, the next day it's...whoooooa, what the hell just happened!!!

 

If you do start your taper, I'd listen to what Blue suggests and start with a very small cut. This way if you have increased symptoms you know to hold for a while. It's so hard to figure all this out when you never felt good on the AD to begin with.

 

All of this just flat out stinks! Putting it mildly!

 

You will be 'whole' again, Dan. In due time. This nightmare will absolutely end one day...and we'll be celebrating on Flower's Beach!

[Dan998]

Yes, it does suck, everything about this sucks. I think I'm ready to cut, then I doubt myself and decide that I'm not. It's been like that for a month now.  

[hopefullearningpatience]

Dan, I get exactly the same way, but I know it's going to get better - I have read too many success stories. From what I have read, getting back on the stupid ADs will not be a "pleasant" experience, just make you kind of numb. just to take away the worst withdrawal symptoms (like insomnia and the anxiety). so you are in the numb part right now, and so am I. 

 

you will not stay like this forever, you can slowly taper and not send your body into complete shock like before

 

you can do this, each time we taper (I am told), we get mild symptoms that we just make it through. all of the symptoms are your brain trying to heal itself - getting back to homeostasis. push through the fatigue and blah - fake it if you have to

 

I did a 20% taper from 20mg on 7-2-15 - maybe you should do a small taper just to mentally feel better. I keep wanting to rush my taper, but easing off of it is the best way to go

 

you CAN do this

[Dan998]

Thanks, Hopeful.

 

Yep, I'm in the numb part right now, uncomfortably numb. It seems that many people on citalopram suffer from this, it's kind of a zombie maker.

 

I think we all want to rush the tapering process, it seems so logical doesn't it, get the poison out of our bodies and we'll feel better. We found out the hard way that this isn't the case. I hope that a 20% cut isn't too much for you.

 

I've only ever done CT's when attempting to get free, so I'm probably fearful that tapering will bring on the same dreadful symptoms. I'm planning to try a 5% cut and see how I get on. It might not be as bad as I anticipate. 

[hopefullearningpatience]

I don't know exactly when I will feel the symptoms since I already have symptoms from the Tramadol withdrawal?

 

What symptoms did you have when you quit taking Citalopram? anxiety, insomnia, stomach issues?

[Dan998]

I don't know about the tramadol, I've read that it is similar to SSRIs, so would expect withdrawal symptoms to be similar too.

 

When I CT'd citalopram I got constant anxiety, tight chest, difficulty breathing, insomnia with morning dread and terror, headaches, mental confusion,  inability to read or write. I was silly, I came off far too quickly, I won't be making the same mistake again.

[hopefullearningpatience]

yes, very close to what happened to me...I have a full-time job, so I kept working the whole time, but it was a struggle!!!! (still is on some days)

 

do you have waves and windows? they are the craziest thing EVER! I looooooove the windows though.

 

I am gonna see how I do this next week on my taper, it took about 2 weeks for your CT to catch up with you right? with the Tramadol, it happened the next morning BOOM! acute withdrawal - then the anxiety came crashing in about the 2nd week...mornings were definitely by far the worst

 

I am planning on tapering again starting July 27 if everything goes farely well

[Dan998]

That's right, had about two weeks where everything was fine, in fact that was actually my only proper window. I've just had slow and steady improvement since reinstatement, not really had windows and waves. My symptoms now are mostly apathy and demotivation with a dash of cog fog. 

 

Well done for keeping your job throughout this. There's no way I could have worked during the CT crash.

[hopefullearningpatience]

I have been to England once, I played in a golf tournament in Exeter when I was in college - it was Nigel Mansell's course

 

I live in Texas, and the sunshine really helps. I have horses, so I ride and rope too. I am hoping I don't get too dizzy during this taper because I am going to keep riding

 

the waves and windows are pretty much NUTS - I will be thinking the world is going to end and then BAM, I will have a window, and I will just relax

 

brain fog has been rough for sure - I will get stomach issues too, where I don't want to eat anything at all. I have lost 25 pounds in this whole process

[AliG]

 Just saying "Hi".  "Apathy & demotivation , with a bit of  cog fog ".   That just about sums it up for me, as well.  I think you're "getting there", Dan. Keep it up.

[Dan998]

Hey Hopeful,

 

The sunshine does really help to lift the mood. I love the hot weather, it's a shame it doesn't last long over here. I'm really dreading the darkness of Winter, but that's months away, typical of an anxiety sufferer to worry about the future when I should be enjoying the now.

 

The dizziness can be a real nuisance. I ride too, motorcycles not horses, and I've had to give it a miss a good few times due to dizziness.

 

The fog does occasionally lift, I'm hoping it will clear some more as the dose gets lower.

 

That's good that your having windows, it shows you that your brain can and will heal.