Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted May 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 7, 2015 Tilly Please post to let us know you are ok Dalsaan Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
LexAnger Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Dear Tilly, It made me tearing reading your posts! we all hope your inner strength carries you out of this battle with so much care and love from everyone here bear in mind! When you feel able and get a short moment, please let us know you are ok. Hugs and love, Lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted May 8, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 8, 2015 I hope you are ok Tilly and hope you called the women's aid helpline, they can help you to get away. You could also call the local council and explain the situation, they can move you to a safe house. Do you have anyone who can help you with transport? I've been where you are and it is horrendous. Please don't be ashamed of posting here, we are all here for you and want to support you. You are such a good person and help others so let everyone here help you through this. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
btdt Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Please Tilly a word from you would go a long way just one word, please. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
ikam Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 SHE IS SAVE Contacted Tilly, she is save but too ill to do anything...just tries to get through day... She asked me to pass this update to you guys... I was unable to do this earlier as was unable to get to our site... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted May 9, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 9, 2015 ikam, hi. Huge sigh of relief, this is very good news (that she is safe), thank you so much for letting us know. Hang in there, Tilly! Dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Dear Tilly It breaks my heart that this is happening to you, especially now that you're in WD. Please be safe, be well and take care. Let us know how you're doing when you feel like it and have the energy. I'll be thinking of you. Wishing all the best for you, my friend I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
ikam Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Sorry, I made a spelling mistake, I meant She is safe, not save... I contacted her on her mobile phone and her text to me was: "I am safe. I can't update as I am too distressed and ill and I am getting through each day. Please let people know...I will be in touch as soon as I am able to..." - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
direstraits Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 so glad to here she is safe went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted May 9, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 9, 2015 Tilly, glad to hear you are safe. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts. Wishing you peace and hugs today. Will be watching for a 'check-in' post from you. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
LexAnger Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 So grateful to you Ikam for letting us know that she is safe. Do you know if she is still on 3mg? I wonder if she should cut down further giving the sever and serious side effects from the dose increase. How does everyone think? Also, could you let her know that we all love her so much and all The bad symptoms will subside as long as she hang on, one minute at a time. That was how I survived till now and many others here did and are still doing. Once they subside, the joy of living, every moment is so overwhelming and rewarding. It worth all the pains, suffering, and fighting. I'm waiting for her getting better with her in my thoughts from the moment I open my eyes, and the last minute before I fall into sleep. Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 10, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 10, 2015 Tilly-- I'm so glad to heat that you're safe, and so sorry to hear that you are so ill. Do what you need to get better. ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
AliG Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Thank you Ikam, for letting us know. I'm very relieved, Tilly that you are safe. I've been so concerned. I hope you are feeling much better, soon. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
ikam Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 So grateful to you Ikam for letting us know that she is safe. Do you know if she is still on 3mg? I wonder if she should cut down further giving the sever and serious side effects from the dose increase. How does everyone think? Also, could you let her know that we all love her so much and all The bad symptoms will subside as long as she hang on, one minute at a time. That was how I survived till now and many others here did and are still doing. Once they subside, the joy of living, every moment is so overwhelming and rewarding. It worth all the pains, suffering, and fighting. I'm waiting for her getting better with her in my thoughts from the moment I open my eyes, and the last minute before I fall into sleep. Sorry, I don't know what dose she takes. We exchanged only text messages and I am not in more consistent contact with Tilly. Hopefully, she will be back soon and answer our questions... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Flowers Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 So relieved to hear Tilly that you are OK. When you feel up to it come back and let us know how you are. We miss you. Love xxxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
freespirit Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks for updating us Ikam..much appreciated. Tilly, whenever you read this..please know that my fabulous felines and I send our love and support. May you feel yourself held by nature and the community you have here. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Pugknows Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Tilly, I'm praying for you, sweet soul. Hang on one more minute. Then another minute. God is with you. He's protecting you. Let Him carry you through this. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
ikam Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I got text from Tilly: she is struggling with the recent changes to her tapper, feels exhausted all day with anxiety and agitation upon waking that lasts until mid afternoon as well as her pre existing symptoms...She has been more debilitated that she has been until this point. She is overstimulated by light and noise and she is getting through day by distracting herself from her symptoms. She thinks that discussing on the forum would make her symptoms worse. She hopes that people understand this... I do understand... So I guess we need to wait now until Tilly will be able to re-join us... I also need to say that I may not be always able to be a link in conversations, as I feel not too well myself...And I know people and Tilly understand this... I will post this on my thread as well, as some of you were asking me... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
btdt Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thank Tilly for letting us know. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Sincere thanks to everyone for the messages and posts. I am deeply touched. I had no idea that people here would be worried. I do not recall a time in the past 15 years when I was cared for or worried about. It is a feeling that is not familiar to me but carries responsibility. I have let people know that I am safe to allay concerns as soon as possible. Thank you, Ikam for doing this. I have not posted until now as my functioning is severely depleted. I also feel utter shame and disgust to find myself at such a low ebb. I cannot reconcile these feelings no matter how hard I try. This post has arisen from journalling that I have started more intensively this week. I have no answers only questions swirling around the dark space of my mind. Where there was once light, free flowing ideas and enthusiasm for life. I am so very tired. I am a person who always offered a comforting arm around those in need of help, both professionally and personally. I gave this freely, with no expectation of anything in return. The reason for giving was to provide much needed comfort. So often in my times of need, more so now than ever, there is a void where I await a comforting arm to reach out to me. I can't help but feel disappointed and without value as a consequence of its absence. How many times do I have to be abused, dragged under a current that suffocates me before I can resurface and breathe again? I did not choose a history of abuse, but it came to me so readily and frequently. Continues to come. Will I ever learn to see it approaching when it wears a different face each time? I hope so. And when it walks my way next, I hope to have the strength to cross the road. I get through each day by distracting myself from symptoms of withdrawal and pain. Excruciating pain of past and current hurts. Not living as fully as I always did before, with a zest for life. Not living at all, really. Merely existing. The shame and loss of this waste that is my life is too much to bear most days. I have an incredibly acute sense of time passing and being lost. The absence of my strength and sense of self to do anything to rectify this loss makes me feel more lost and powerless to engage in a life worth living once again. Has the medication or trauma caused this? Or a combination of both, further impacted by no access to a GP or support to negotiate these painful days or escape abusive relationships. My professional training, knowledge and experience is of little help to me right now. It cannot begin to touch the scars of trauma or the trauma of legitimised drug addiction and all of their repercussions. How do we heal such deep wounds in the absence of care? I am hoping that my survival instinct kicks in as it has so many times before, unless this feline has used up her 9 lives and is finally out of steam. I hope not. But my body fails me in its array of complex functions and dysfunctions daily. My biology and physiology education enables me to predict diagnoses on TV programmes and films way ahead of their revelation. In my own case, there is no clear diagnoses or prognosis to be made. These drugs being as pervasive and devious as they are, provide no warning of oncoming symptamology or distress. Every day is a new battle with new opponents and ever decreasing energy to fight. In spite of all of the pain, hurting and trauma, a zest for life resides within me. I have so much to offer and experience. I am not done yet. Far from it. However, I do not have the energy or confidence right now to pursue my life worth living. I hope and pray that I can rebuild both and live once again. Healing and love to all as always. My dispirited self lends healing to all now more than ever. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
LexAnger Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Oh, Tilly, You said it all so so right! Love your soul, wisdom, strength and mind! I'm so heart harded for the harm we were put on. Only hope gives us strength to continue. Sending hope to all and let's marching inch by inch together! Lex Drug free Sep. 23 2017 2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks. 2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg 2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain 2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; 2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain 2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, 2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on 2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks. 2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR 2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg，8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg， 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg 2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg, Link to comment
direstraits Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I would like to offer a comforting arm around you and let you know how much so many of us care about you and want the best for you went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 18, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 18, 2015 (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Oh, Tilly, You said it all so so right! Love your soul, wisdom, strength and mind! I'm so heart harded for the harm we were put on. Only hope gives us strength to continue. Sending hope to all and let's marching inch by inch together! Lex I love you, Lex. Always have, always will. You are the best friend I ever had. We met through the direst of circumstances. Even the miles that lie between us cannot separate our experiences and care for each other. There is an arm here ever extended to care for you. Love and hugs always, Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I would like to offer a comforting arm around you and let you know how much so many of us care about you and want the best for you Direstraits, I take your caring arm and add my own to make a circle of love and compassion that cannot be broken. Thank you so much for your care. It is appreciated more than you will ever know. Love and healing to you. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Much love to you. Thank you for your compassion. It means the world to me. Bless your heart. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Hi Tilly I'm glad you managed to write to let us know you're OK. Everybody was so worried about you. You have many friends here. I can relate to everything you say in your post. I wish you peace and healing my friend. Will be back to check on you. Hugs and kisses from Bulgaria I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Tilly Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Hi Tilly I'm glad you managed to write to let us know you're OK. Everybody was so worried about you. You have many friends here. I can relate to everything you say in your post. I wish you peace and healing my friend. Will be back to check on you. Hugs and kisses from Bulgaria HI Love, There is such shame that resides within me for enduring such pain and shameful existence. He has crucified me daily with endless repercussions that burn the very core of me daily. I cannot breathe as a consequence. He shames me daily. 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
AliG Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I'm so pleased you're ok. At least, well enough to check in again. I'm so sorry for all you've gone through and are still in the midst of, at this time. I hope the situation improves, as well as your recovery. Don't be ashamed, as no one is judging you. You are remarkably resilient , given what you are dealing with, and show a lot of strength and courage. Sending positive thoughts your way. Stay strong. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 It's good to see you able to post something again Tilly. I'd like to extend my arm to you too. I know that is sometimes little comfort, when you need someone close by to touch with tenderness and care. I'm sorry for the circumstances you find yourself in, along with the wd. It is only one of the many very unfortunate results of childhood trauma. And I understand how difficult it is to deal with the shame that arises. I hope in some moments, you're able to take in what people on here are telling you...that we care and do not judge. I suspect more of us than you realize have been in similar situations. Thinking of you and sending all good thoughts for healing. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Tilly, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are a survivor. You have been through so much. You will heal both from withdrawal and from all the traumas. I have a lot of traumas too, I know what it's like. There's no shame in that. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted May 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 26, 2015 I am pleased to see that you are safe Tilly, nut saddened that you are having to suffer such trauma on top of withdrawal. I know from bitter experience that it is so hard to go from day to day even when well and suffering abuse. In withdrawal it must seem impossible. Take care sweetheart and never, ever be ashamed, none of this is your fault, none of it. xx **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
freespirit Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Just stopping by to say hello Tilly. You're on my mind often....things must feel entirely overwhelming at this point...you have so much wisdom and inner strength...let these and your love of nature help carry you along. Take care. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
btdt Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Sincere thanks to everyone for the messages and posts. I am deeply touched. I had no idea that people here would be worried. I do not recall a time in the past 15 years when I was cared for or worried about. It is a feeling that is not familiar to me but carries responsibility. I have let people know that I am safe to allay concerns as soon as possible. Thank you, Ikam for doing this. I have not posted until now as my functioning is severely depleted. I also feel utter shame and disgust to find myself at such a low ebb. I cannot reconcile these feelings no matter how hard I try. This post has arisen from journalling that I have started more intensively this week. I have no answers only questions swirling around the dark space of my mind. Where there was once light, free flowing ideas and enthusiasm for life. I am so very tired. I am a person who always offered a comforting arm around those in need of help, both professionally and personally. I gave this freely, with no expectation of anything in return. The reason for giving was to provide much needed comfort. So often in my times of need, more so now than ever, there is a void where I await a comforting arm to reach out to me. I can't help but feel disappointed and without value as a consequence of its absence. How many times do I have to be abused, dragged under a current that suffocates me before I can resurface and breathe again? I did not choose a history of abuse, but it came to me so readily and frequently. Continues to come. Will I ever learn to see it approaching when it wears a different face each time? I hope so. And when it walks my way next, I hope to have the strength to cross the road. I get through each day by distracting myself from symptoms of withdrawal and pain. Excruciating pain of past and current hurts. Not living as fully as I always did before, with a zest for life. Not living at all, really. Merely existing. The shame and loss of this waste that is my life is too much to bear most days. I have an incredibly acute sense of time passing and being lost. The absence of my strength and sense of self to do anything to rectify this loss makes me feel more lost and powerless to engage in a life worth living once again. Has the medication or trauma caused this? Or a combination of both, further impacted by no access to a GP or support to negotiate these painful days or escape abusive relationships. My professional training, knowledge and experience is of little help to me right now. It cannot begin to touch the scars of trauma or the trauma of legitimised drug addiction and all of their repercussions. How do we heal such deep wounds in the absence of care? I am hoping that my survival instinct kicks in as it has so many times before, unless this feline has used up her 9 lives and is finally out of steam. I hope not. But my body fails me in its array of complex functions and dysfunctions daily. My biology and physiology education enables me to predict diagnoses on TV programmes and films way ahead of their revelation. In my own case, there is no clear diagnoses or prognosis to be made. These drugs being as pervasive and devious as they are, provide no warning of oncoming symptamology or distress. Every day is a new battle with new opponents and ever decreasing energy to fight. In spite of all of the pain, hurting and trauma, a zest for life resides within me. I have so much to offer and experience. I am not done yet. Far from it. However, I do not have the energy or confidence right now to pursue my life worth living. I hope and pray that I can rebuild both and live once again. Healing and love to all as always. My dispirited self lends healing to all now more than ever. Tilly x Thank you Tilly for a beautiful honest warm and wonderful post in here we see ourselves struggling along with you. Some paths I have walked some I walk still as time does not take all things away. We know what we know and there is more to learn there always is. I am so happy to see your well enough to make post on here it lightens my day. Your words speak to me and for me all at the same time. I have a poem to share with you I hope you like it. “I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault. It still takes me a long time to get out. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. I walk down another street.” ― Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery It would seem everything is a process ... everything but protracted wd.. just now it seems more like ... I am at a loss for words sorry. Here is a hug for you Tilly you lay low stay strong do what you need to do to heal as best you can... some day we will be on the other side. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Tilly Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Thank you so much for the warm messages posted in my absence. They are so touching and mean so much to me. I will respond to all individually when I am able to. Know in the meantime that the time, effort and sentiments shared in your messages are very much appreciated. I am breaking down horribly and feel shame about showing this within a public arena, which is the reason for my absence of late. Shame is my walk through fire that has blighted my life since childhood. I hope to win my battle with this destructive emotion rather than letting it defeat me. How hideous it is that our suffering is further heightened by the stigma that surrounds our withdrawal. How I wish this was not the case and I could pop in to drink tea with a neighbour and be honest about the nature of my health problems and struggles. My symptoms are truly hideous, frightening and debilitating at this stage of withdrawal. I have overwhelming sensations of imminent death most nights, accompanied by heart palpitations visible through my t shirt, full body flushes, strange head and body sensations (tingling and pain), inability to swallow and excessive production of saliva which makes me feel nauseous to the point of needing to vomit (sorry). These symptoms are so frightening and destabilising. I was really good at managing panic attacks in the past, but these symptoms are of an intensity and such a convincing threat to my life that I am at a loss as to how to manage them, especially when they are so relentless. I have pain with the slightest exertion, usually in my lower back and legs and feel very spacey and light headed for the most part of the day and unable to tolerate light and noise. My periods are now on a fortnightly basis and are heavy, painful and disabling. The week before my period is characterised by a low and tearful state and feelings of hopelessness. I have had a sense of time passing by and urgency to regain my health for several years. I am trying to let go of this urgency and allow healing to take its course at its own pace. I am struggling with allowing this process to run its course at its own pace as it is so very painful, with few windows of hope to motivate me currently. I have had a lot of stress and loss and bereavement in recent weeks which I can contextualize as triggers to current symptoms which are most likely heightened as a consequence of life stresses. I am doing a lot of guided meditation and trying to reactivate a sense of calm amid these symptoms. This is not holding me. I feel the need to call an out of ours GP as I have no GP to access the social support that I am currently in need of. However, I am afraid that this will lead to a hospital admission and further drugging which will not help my cause, so I hold off. I have feelings of letting go of this life, that terrify me. I have so much life to live. So much to offer. So much yet to experience. Yet the chance of escaping this pain, this mere existence is so alluring even comforting at times. I will myself to stay strong each day and just getting through each day is a real achievement for the hope of better to come. I am struggling and do not visit here much as I feel that I have so little to contribute of late. However, I still have much love for all on such a painful journey and wish all healing and lots of windows to let the light in. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
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