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Heinz1903: 4 years zoloft and now clean for 6 weeks


Heinz1903

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This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Altostrata

 

Do you also have a link about waking up, since my withdrawal symptoms are bigger when im in morning.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@Altostrataimage.thumb.png.700d4befcdd4d52945a234d3dcc035d5.png This is kinda how my progress has been like

 

now and then.PNG

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Altostrata

 

racing thoughts just disappeared for the first time!

 

i’m so happy..

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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Congrats!

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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  • 2 weeks later...

Almost all physical symptoms are gone and the last one are mental.

 

one of which is existential thinking, manic reactions/bipolar and maybe a bit of DR

 

every other symptom has been gone.

 

even hormonal balance.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Altostrata@ThatOneGirlStitch

 

first time going to university normally since 2020 February.

 

Going to uni went great, from 9 till 11.

i was already awake since 6.

 

i never been that much in crowds anymore.

 

I got a weird sensations at 12,

annoying DP, life questions and anxiety.

 

maybe because of the crowds, that over stimulated my impulsed. It made me anxious and i’m still.

 

is this common for other people

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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Ok! first of all, yes totally common in WD. We get all sorts of reactions to crowds. Mine is to get overwhelmed, too much stimulation? I'm glad your DP is only annoying. That can also be triggered by crowds. Sounds like it may put your brain into overdrive. Don't push yourself too much. You are still recovering. Stress can app up symptoms. Meditation may help for the anxiety and overthinking. (though I am not good at it) Quiet time will probably help. Try to get your brain out of that mindframe. Watch a funny video, meditate, stretch, read jokes. If you can take a nap. If walking helps you do that. It's all about managing until the brain can heal.don't over tax yourself.

 

Congrats on going to Uni. That is a big step. Make sure you go slow if you can. Overstimulation sucks.

 

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

Omega 3 EPA taken 3 hours ago and i feel much better.

 

The last 2 weeks where total chaos in my mind, to the point i was thinking am i going crazy.

For some reason ever since i took EPA omega 3 i started to feel slightly better.

 

as if my axiety was gone, same goes for depersonalisation. This could be a window, who knows?

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • 1 month later...

10 Months clean, i feel as if i'm having the worsts wave in the last 6 months.

It may be related to PSSD, but i'm having toubts on it.

 

Basically i got a very negative and bad tought patterns, those that bother me alot lately, It's about me losing myself again. i did not have this since juli 2021.

It's a weird feeling, i also got my first brain zaps the last 2 days. It felt as if a whole neurological pathway was cleaned or something. i felt much lighter after it. Like neurtoxins being flushed out.

 

Improved alot according to others, i can see where they are coming from.

 

Still suffering from:

Racing thoughts=Slowly are going away.

DP & DR= just as bad i only know how to deal with them more

Brainfog= i can see through it but still experience it.

PSSD= this one i suffer from almost daily.

Brainzaps= i experienced it first time today.

Intruisive thoughts or thoughts of losing control= much less but when they do come up i get shocked real bad.

Anger issues=alot, i actually had 500 euros of repair done because of my rage(this is what worries me the most)

Cognitive impairments= common, slightly less.

Neuro-emotions= severe lately.

Crying= i can cry again.

Anxiety of going crazy=more common than before but less common than in the beginning

Metabolism= just as bad eventho i workout alot.

 

 

From januari till now the wave windows ratio have been like this.

 

Januari :   Windows 30% Waves 70% (waves mainly world view based)

Februari: Windows 65% waves 35% (waves mainly random stuff, mostly re experiencing old stuff)

March: windows 80% waves 20%(waves mainly reexperience every emotion that i had since is stopped.)

April: Windows 45% waves 55%( Waves mainly OCD racing thoughts intruisive thoughst about thinking going crazy or losing control and a bit of reeperiencing.)

 

 

 

But i'm losing hope, it has been 10 months and i'm still dealing with this untollerable mental pain and fighting with myself. i don't know what to do. Will my brain ever return to normal?

 

I have talked to the family doctor and there is enough proof that i can sue my psychiatrist about his threatment against me for not having contact in the withdrawal and tapering and straight up denied i had serotine syndrome symptoms. My family doctor was actually shocked by his unproffesional big pharma pill seller mentallity

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • 4 weeks later...

@Altostrata hello, can you please give me some advice. I feel desperate.

 

i’m confused, scared and alone. Family cant take it anymore and i’m om the brink.

 

What is going on is happening for the past 3 weeks, in the past year i felt completely disconnected from my body. Nowadays i feel totally disconnected from my thoughts.

 

very scary traumatic emotions pop up, and i had 50 panic attacks for 3 days.

 

i’m going to reinstate if this is going on for more than a few weeks.

 

i feel lost, i can’t recognize my thoughts anymore and it’s a strange feeling.

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • Administrator

Is there anything going on that might be triggering this? Have you taken antibiotics, drunk alcohol, taken other drugs, had a virus, stayed up very late recently?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Heinz1903 Hi, I saw your note to me on another thread.  What I felt for many months was more of an absence of my 'normal' emotions and thoughts.  It was as if certain memories, ways of thinking, good feelings, etc. were inaccessible.  It felt like everything that I had identified with as self was gone.  DP/DR, existensial crisis and all the other psychiatric symptoms are terrible to go through, but know that they are transient and will pass in many small shifts and phases.  I am slowly healing and am doing so much better than I was 4 months ago and far better than a year ago.  If you look over my thread, I post some ideas for grounding yourself into physical reality in small ways, because when I had DR, I just didn't feel connected to the world around me at all.  I had to tell myself over and over that I could survive it and make it through.  I also asked those around me to remind me often that I could do it.  I will say a prayer for you.  

2012-present - Escitalopram currently 4.85 mg

9/2021-present - Claritin currently 3mg

History:

2012-2017- Escitalopram 10mg

2017-2020 - Escitalopram 5mg

07/2019-11/2019 - Valium 10mg, every 2-3 days, then stopped

11/2020 - Stopped Escitalopram 5mg abruptly (crashed January 2021)

1/2021-12/2021 - Escitalopram Reinstated 2.5mg to 5 to 10 to 7.5 to 7.14 to 7.07 to 7 to 6.92 to 5.84 to 5.7 to 5.55 to 5.34 to 5.05 to 5 to 4.95 to 4.90 to 4.85

1/2021-2/2021 - Ativan .5mg - Took 13.5 pills over the course of 22 days and stopped

2/2021-9/2021  Hydroxyzine - 50-100mg to 25 to 10 to 5 to 2.5 to 1.6 to .8 then cross-tapered to Claritin and stopped

Supplements:  Daytime - 1000mg fish oil, 1,000mg Vitamin D, 4 drops of keto chow electrolyte drops

Nighttime - L-theanine 200mg, 1mg melatonin, magnesium glycinate 400mg.  Rarely an additional 100mg L-theanine for early morning wake ups.

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@Altostrata

 

I have a feeling that it's there because overstimulation. I almost am certain of it. 

I barely can have any stimulation.

 

Red=biggest ones

Things that might trigger it:

Overthinking.

Work/College.

Ejaculation/Sexual interactions. 

To much social interactions

Depersonalisation/Derealization itself.

Traveling(for example with public transport to friends.)

 

I don't know, sometimes i completly feel not myself. as if there is a glass plate between me and myself.

For all symptoms that i had, this is the latest one i truly feel and it's terrible.

 

This is my last symptom that i need to cross. It's such a strange feeling.

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@Crochet Yes, this is exactly how i feel. 

The weird thing is i'm already 11 months off and the DP got worse slowly.

 

Quote

Hi, I saw your note to me on another thread.  What I felt for many months was more of an absence of my 'normal' emotions and thoughts.  It was as if certain memories, ways of thinking, good feelings, etc. were inaccessible.  It felt like everything that I had identified with as self was gone.  

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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Symptoms list made by jackson from copenhagen made in 2011

I wanted to make a comprehensive list of symptoms I have experienced as a result of my adverse reaction. Some of these symptoms were present while on the drugs, and some of them appeared immediately following the adverse reaction.

 

I have color coded them to easier understand which have abated, and which I still deal with.

 

Green text = completely resolved, or resolved as much as it's entirely or almost unnoticable

Orange text = Symptoms that is still plaguing me, but has seen some improvement

Red text = symptoms that have seen little to no improvement

 

Physical/Neurological

- Urinary retention

- Spontaneous nosebleeds

- Sickening nausea and vomiting

- Dry mouth, throat, eyes and skin

- Constipation

- Insomnia, and severely altered sleep regulation

- Nightsweats

- Burning sensations in the arms, back and neck

- Migraines

- Disturbing dreams on a regular basis

- Akathisia - feelings of extreme malaise and physical and mental restlessness/agitation (lifethreatening)

- Weakened senses, taste disturbances, vision problems (blurred vision and regulation of focus)

- Oversensitivity to heat, stress and graphical images as well as some supplements

- Musclespasms and tics in random muscles all over the body

- Electrical shocks sensations, surging through the head and/or body, often followed by cramplike movements

- Strangulating sensations in the head, feeling like my head is full of gas or that parts of my brain are made of stone or dry plaster

- Inability to do physical activity and excercise

- Pains when turning the eyes

- Anergy / debilitating fatigue. Being perpetually exhausted both mentally and physically

- Reduced libido and nonexistant sexdrive

- Sharp pains inside the head (stabbing and pressure sensations) in the frontal lobe area.

- Periods with extreme and seemingly random sleepyness

 

Cognitive

- Confusion

- Brain fog

- trouble organizing and gathering thoughts

- Loss of higher mental functions such as association and reminiscense in particular.

- Learning difficulties, and severely reduced ability to absorb and retain information

- Difficulty with planning and organizing

- Difficulty with filtering and processing information

- Inability to concentrate or focus

- Problems with word recall and sentence structure

- Memory problems, mostly working memory and recall of pre-drug events

- Reduced vigilance and alertness and trouble orientating myself when outside

- Severe communication problems, including but not limited to absence of emotional contact

- Bereavement of abstract and creative thinking

- No desire for self expression

- Trouble with decisionmaking, large as well as small scale

 

Emotional

- Bouts of extreme anger, often without any obvious external/internal trigger

- Tearfullness

- Random periods (lasting from hours to days) with depressive mood

- Intrusive thoughts about suicide and selfharm

- Complete anhedonia - inability to experience pleasure

- Inability to enjoy music and other positive stimuli

- A loss of personality and sense of self

- Severe apathy - total disinterest in everything, including personal hygiene, close familiy, relative, friends, holidays, world events.

- Depersonalisation/Derealization - feeling of being disconnected from the world

- Dissaciation 

 

 

Associated effects

- Straining of the back and neck areas, due to being stressed

- Bad dental hygiene

- Complete social isolation(only sometimes)

- Reduced vision on both eyes (change; -0.25 Right, -0.5 left)

- Huge economical and emotional strain on my family by having a sick and disabled son for over 1 year

- General anxiety for medicine and medical procedures as well as other household products. (i don't trust doctors)

- Strong aversion towards psychiatry and to a lesser degree the public healthcare system. ( a burning hatred/rage for every psychiatrist.)

 

All physical symptoms, the lasting symptoms are neurlogical in origin. I'm worried that it would stay like this for all time. I'm scared, because i barely see improvement. my mother says otherswise

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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I have given up, i’m going back on meds.

 

this sh*t gone on for far to long. Tomorrow i have a appointment with my family doctor.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@Heinz1903

Hello, I've been following your last few posts, including the most recent where you shared your symptoms list. 

I'm sorry that you are dealing with a lot of reds, and am encouraged by how many greens and oranges you've got. 

Out of 47 total on your list (not counting the "associated effects column") you've got 15 green; 17 orange; and 15 red.

 

I know it feels like it's taking forever -- I often feel that way, too. Based on your drug signature, you've only been completely off drugs since June 2021 (correct?), which, in WD terms, is actually not that long. Considering the fact that it's been about a year, I'd say your list shows really good progress. I see many great signs of healing and feel very hopeful for you. 

 

3 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

Green text = completely resolved, or resolved as much as it's entirely or almost unnoticable

Orange text = Symptoms that is still plaguing me, but has seen some improvement

Red text = symptoms that have seen little to no improvement

 

You've got 15/47 green symptoms -- nearly ⅓! -- that have completely resolved. That's a big deal! This has happened in less than a year, which is impressive.

You've got 17/47 orange symptoms -- more than ⅓ -- where you are noticing improvement. Again, this is very positive! Given your timeline, it's cause for optimism. 

 

Add those up and you're looking at about ⅔ noticeable improvement. Try to really register that and take it in, because it is very good news. 

YOU ARE HEALING. 

 

I know that it can be challenging to be patient because the WD experience can be so very hard at times. I hope that when you look over your symptoms list you can see what I see:

Clear and steady signs of progress and healing. 

 

19 minutes ago, Heinz1903 said:

I have given up, i’m going back on meds.

 

this sh*t gone on for far to long. Tomorrow i have a appointment with my family doctor.

 

It's your choice to make, of course.

 

I just want to point out that you have invested a lot of time and energy to get to where you are today. You've been making this investment in your health and well-being. 

As with all long-term investments it can take time for our efforts to bear fruit -- but they will. Looking at your symptoms list you are already seeing proof that your investment is paying off. 

 

If you pretend for a moment that it were your best friend in your position -- and your best friend had already been bravely working very hard for years to come off of psych drugs, and now your best friend is tracking all these marked improvements -- what would you say to your best friend? Would you say: Keep going, dear friend, you're doing a great job and I believe in you! It's going to take a while longer but I am here for you every step of the way, I support you and am so proud of all your hard work!

Or -- would you tell your friend to just give up and go back to doing something you both know is harmful?

 

3 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

I'm worried that it would stay like this for all time. I'm scared, because i barely see improvement.

 

THIS IS TEMPORARY. Your withdrawal symptoms will pass. YOU ARE HEALING. There are clear signs of this, it's just difficult for you to see them right now because you are in the thick of things. WD messes with our minds and causes us to only focus on the negative -- this is itself a symptom of WD. Our thinking gets "sticky" and loops around negative interpretations that are actually false. You may also be experiencing Neuro-emotions, which makes the fear/anxiety/worry feel overpowering. It feels real but it's not real -- it's just WD. 

 

You will not stay like this for all time. This is NOT permanent. Improvements are definitely happening. 

You have already come so far, Heinz! Hang in there.

Try to practice patience and acceptance and non-drug coping techniques. You will get there. 

 

IT GETS BETTER <3

 

In solidarity and support,

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@Ariel

 

Thank for the motivation, i realized this is clear addiction signs.

 

Of me begging for the pills again, maybe i'm almost healed and this is the last fight.

 

Good that someone outside of me sees improvements.

 

I will push forward!

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@Ariel Can i ask you when does the confusion end. This including depersonalization and Derealization and dissociation is a painful process 

 

Its slowly improving, but i still suffer from it daily.. :(

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

Hi @Heinz1903

I hear you. I know it can be a painful process and it takes much longer than we would like. 

 

I have also struggled with confusion, dissociation, and DP/DR. It has improved significantly. Still some left, sometimes milder sometimes stronger, but overall it's so much better now than it used to be. I cannot tell you when any of your or my symptoms will end -- nobody can tell us that. It is the vast unknown. But what I can tell you, and what is known, is this: It gets better!

 

1 hour ago, Heinz1903 said:

Its slowly improving, but i still suffer from it daily.

 

The important thing is that it's slowly improving, and even more importantly, you notice this and acknowledge it. You are giving yourself a big, beautiful gift by remembering and thinking about how things are improving. 

 

I'm sorry you still suffer from it daily. I wish there were something I could do to fix this for you -- and for me, and for everyone else here! 

 

The key is time. The healing process is happening. You are growing a new brain. Your body is regenerating and repairing itself in complex, mysterious, miraculous ways far beyond our primitive human understanding. Your body is working very hard for you. All it asks in return is time and reasonably favorable conditions. Not a bad deal, really, considering everything we have put it through!

 

In the meantime, we must practice patience and acceptance and remember that no matter how badly we may feel in the moment, it's only temporary. Healing is happening all the time, even when we do not consciously feel it.  

 

Heinz, I'm curious what you are doing to give your body favorable conditions for healing. Will you tell me a little about your favorite non-drug coping techniques? What sorts of things do you do to relax? How do you prefer to take care of yourself? 

 

Have you had a chance to read through the links I sent you in my previous post?

 

Now that you are seeing improvements, it might be a good time to consider finding someone compassionate and supportive to talk to. Have you thought about looking for a counselor or coach?

I think it could really benefit to learn certain skills and tools for how to manage anxiety and other life challenges.

 

I can see from your intro post that you first started taking medication when you were quite young.

In the help topic For people who were drugged as children (where I've also posted), ChessieCat has wisely pointed out:

"I don't know whether you have seen my comment in members' Intros that I think it is a good idea for people where were put on drugs as young people that they might find it helpful to find a supportive therapist/counsellor and be taught general life skills. Even older people can find it helpful if they aren't coping with life stressors but I think it is more important/essential for <20s."

 

What do you think? Could counseling be a possible avenue of support? 

 

Sending you a hug, 

A.

 

You'll find ChessieCat's original post here:

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

 

Quote

Heinz, I'm curious what you are doing to give your body favorable conditions for healing. Will you tell me a little about your favorite non-drug coping techniques? What sorts of things do you do to relax? How do you prefer to take care of yourself? 

 

Mhm, i'm working out often. I started doing Attention Training Therapy, hanging out with friends, trying meditation and TRE. Traveling.

 

 

Quote

Have you had a chance to read through the links I sent you in my previous post?

Yes, i tried. my attention span is small. i barely can read a self help text.

 

Quote

Now that you are seeing improvements, it might be a good time to consider finding someone compassionate and supportive to talk to. Have you thought about looking for a counselor or coach?

I think it could really benefit to learn certain skills and tools for how to manage anxiety and other life challenges. What do you think? Could counseling be a possible avenue of support? 

 

I'm doing this already, maybe i should put more energy in it. My mom is my best counseler

 

I also started really young, and this maybe could've made the withdrawal so much worse.

This could be making the DP and DR so much worse...

 

 

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

Sounds like you are doing a lot of good things for yourself @Heinz1903

 

1 hour ago, Heinz1903 said:

i'm working out often

 

It's great that you're getting regular exercise. What kind of exercise do you do?

 

Please be aware that very intense exercise can sometimes be experienced as stressful by our sensitive, destabilized WD nervous systems. If the exercise is too intense/stressful it can lead to cortisol spikes which can exacerbate WD symptoms. Gentle exercise is great. Moderate or HIIT-style exercise also works well for some members.

 

So good job on the exercise, just be careful not to overdo it. And make sure you get plenty of rest in between, eat whole foods, complete proteins, dark green vegetables.

No alcohol, no caffeine. You might want to avoid sugar, too, as it's a stimulant and can worsen symptoms for some (it does in my case). 

 

Practice good sleep hygiene.

 

1 hour ago, Heinz1903 said:

I'm doing this already, maybe i should put more energy in it. My mom is my best counseler

 

Our mothers can never enact or replace the role of a professional counselor. Regardless of how compassionate, wise, kind a person your mother may be, and no matter how much you enjoy talking with her, this is not nor can it ever be counseling. The whole point of talking to a qualified professional is that there are certain crucial boundaries in place, and there is a code of ethics that helps to protect you and create the safe space necessary for successful therapeutic process to take place. 

 

It's fine that you enjoy talking to your mother. It does not exclude the possibility that it might be helpful to seek professional support.

 

1 hour ago, Heinz1903 said:

I also started really young, and this maybe could've made the withdrawal so much worse.

 No, I really don't think so. As far as I know there is no evidence for the idea that youth makes withdrawal worse. 

If anything it is to your advantage that you are still young. This is something to celebrate! Your body and brain are in great shape and primed for growth, healing, and neurogenesis. 

I am not an expert but based on my personal experience and from the case histories I've come across it seems to me that there is a good chance your recovery will be faster because of your young age than it might otherwise be if you were older. That is entirely speculative, of course, and there's no way to know. But do not for a second think that you are disadvantaged due to your age. On the contrary, if it has any impact it is most probably positive. 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
Posted (edited)

@Ariel sometimes i feel as if i don’t know what i want anymore, and feel so confused.


The depersonalization and Derealization and dissociation is lifting more often than not, my latest symptoms is just confusion about me.

 

what do i want, who am i, where do i stand. All these questions. In combination with dread.

 

i often get intruisive thoughts about things that i don’t want, this goes hand in hand with feeling a bit disconnected to my hobbies.

 

Edited by Heinz1903
I need to add something

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Heinz1903

 

9 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

sometimes i feel as if i don’t know what i want anymore, and feel so confused.


The depersonalization and Derealization and dissociation is lifting more often than not, my latest symptoms is just confusion about me.

 

what do i want, who am i, where do i stand. All these questions. In combination with dread.

 

i often get intruisive thoughts about things that i don’t want, this goes hand in hand with feeling a bit disconnected to my hobbies.

 

I hear you. 

This is all normal for WD. 

 

9 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

The depersonalization and Derealization and dissociation is lifting more often than not

 

Great to hear! 

 

9 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

my latest symptoms is just confusion about me.

 

what do i want, who am i, where do i stand. All these questions. In combination with dread.

 

Questions about identity and values are normal for all human beings! Not only those of us actively going through WD.

 

You are young and you are going through an intense, challenging experience. WD plays a part, for example neuro-emotions such as neuro-dread, can make things feel more difficult on the surface. But it's also normal that you, as a human being, regardless of WD, are exploring and discovering and inquiring into who you are, what you want, what you believe in. This is all part of the healing process, and it's integral to your journey processing your experience. Such questions and searching are part of life. It's nothing to worry about. 

 

In addition, because you are young and were on medication from a young age, you haven't had much time as an adult to figure out who/how you are today (without the drugs). This is to be expected in this situation. Now that you are seeing such good improvements and are well on your way to recovery, questions arise organically. I actually view your questions as signs that you're getting better, as they are an important part of the healing process. So... congratulations!

 

Not to sound like a broken record, but talking to a qualified professional counselor can help support you in your process of self-inquiry. That's what good therapy is about -- asking questions and getting to know oneself better, in the interest of healing, insight, and personal growth. 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Ariel

 

i will seek a professional, eventho i already have a few.

 

yes, neuro-emotions i got quite a few of those. It’s hellish thoughts. Doomscenarios.

 

this is causing confusions because its hard to read my own emotions.

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
24 minutes ago, Heinz1903 said:

i will seek a professional, eventho i already have a few.

 

What do you mean you already have a few? 

Are you already seeing a professional therapist?

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

Yes, a counselor and psychologist/therapist

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Heinz1903 said:

Yes, a counselor and psychologist/therapist

 

@Heinz1903

 

I see. Thanks for clarifying, I hadn't understood that. 

 

Why are you seeing both a counselor and a psychologist/therapist? What is the difference between the work you do with one vs. the work you do with the other?

What do you feel you are getting out of each respective process? Do you feel they are helping you, and if so, in what ways? 

 

I'm curious.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Heinz1903

 

Also, since you are already seeing both a counselor and a psychologist/therapist -- if you are happy with that and you feel it is helping you -- that's great.

 

It's generally not recommended to be in therapy with more than one person/process at once. It can get very confusing and the two different therapies can interfere with each other in a counterproductive way. That's why I'm curious about what you are working on with each of these people, whether it's a clearly different focus/process in each case. 

 

I hope you feel safe and supported in those settings. 

 

2 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

i will seek a professional, eventho i already have a few.

 

 

There is no reason to seek additional professional counseling if you already have adequate support and are happy with those therapeutic relationships and processes.

When I said --

 

5 hours ago, Ariel said:

talking to a qualified professional counselor can help support you in your process of self-inquiry. That's what good therapy is about -- asking questions and getting to know oneself better, in the interest of healing, insight, and personal growth. 

 

-- I did not realize you were already seeing someone (let alone more than one). 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Ariel thats true, but from my understanding i want to get over this withdrawal as fast as possible. But the reasons of having more than one counselor is because the waitinglist for mental health support in my country, the government destroyed the GGZ(mental health institution) on purpose for money and making it privatized. making it in a giant legalised drug dealership.

 

1 month and it has been a year since i got off. I personally want it to end asap. Could it be that what i have been experiencing for the last 6 weeks is caused by accelerated healing?

Is it common that around month 10-12 it gets worse? I have seen common ground with alot of other victims... around the time of month 9 that the withdrawal gets worse and only after that it goes better. From my experience everytime it gets worse, it will end up better after.

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Heinz1903

 

Briefly --

 

11 minutes ago, Heinz1903 said:

From my experience everytime it gets worse, it will end up better after.

 

You've got the right idea. This is a great way to think about it. 

You are healing continuously. It's a steady forward movement even though the progression is not linear. 

 

You know this very well, because on January 2nd you posted this chart of your healing:

 

976486908_nowandthen.PNG.675db3a33f9506d0f34c97ffb3a0dd94.thumb.PNG.a1713f61a9163ab67603eb134062a666.PNG

 

Now 5 months later you are even farther along!

 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we do not consciously feel it. 

You are experiencing many improvements and things are getting better every day, every week, every month.

 

It takes time but you are getting there and you will get there. 

 

In the meantime, try not to think about it so much. Live your life as well as you can. Practice non-drug coping techniques to manage anxiety and learn life skills.

You're doing a great job and you will come out of this so much stronger and better equipped to deal with life's challenges. 

 

Keep up the good work!

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Ariel

 

I know it's just a endless fight, eventually i overcome. Its always darkest before dawn.

But for the confirmation?

 

Is it common at the time from 9 months and so on, that the withdrawal is more painful? Are these symptoms/pattern seen in most people on this forum?

 

Could this be it or is it just my experience of it..

Slowly i feel the DP and DR lifting for the latest 5 days. but i', only left with the confusion. which is a positive thing, it may be a small window. But remembering my past is one of the way to get out off DP and DR.

 

Thanks again for giving me the motivation to go further!

 

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Ariel

 

I had a whole idea of a fragmented self(DP symptoms), i truly became obsessed by it. It's neuro-emotions. This is what made the last few months so much worse.

 

And the DP and DR became worse itself too, i'm now slowly crawling out of it.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

Is it common at the time from 9 months and so on, that the withdrawal is more painful? Are these symptoms/pattern seen in most people on this forum?

 

@Heinz1903

As far as I know there is no fixed, predictable time pattern that can be applied across the board. Everyone's body is different. The healing process is individual, people heal in their own time. 

There are no set benchmarks or standard durations. 

 

We just have to stay present with where we are as best we can. Based on our experience of improvements to date we may apply that success to the future and trust in our ability to heal over time. 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 9pm 

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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