Upnorth: reinstating

[Upnorth]

sorry @Altostrata , I didn't mean to upset you. my mind feels muddled up and fearful. It's stupid, I know. I'm just having a hard time getting my thinking straight. I appreciate your concern and knowledge. I have been tapering from the zoloft, just not sure how fast to go.

[Upnorth]

@MedRN,Any ideas on how to deal with the sadness and depression? I'm having a hard time pulling myself out of this. Is it normal to not feel any joy? The dark thoughts are scary. Sorry, I just feel stuck and need some ideas. Thanks for your concern and help.

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth I know the dark thoughts are scary, but they are just thoughts and you DO NOT have to believe them. And yes, it is normal to not feel joy. What we are going through is beyond comprehension for most people and it's very isolating. These thoughts are normal and happen to a lot of us, but they will pass. At the worst of my physical symptoms, the thoughts told me to leave the world more than once, something I've never felt before this experience - I had a backup plan, I wrote notes to my kids and my husband and I fully planned on "leaving" BUT, another day always came and it was just a teensy bit better. Life is worth it and it will get better for you too. I didn't believe it when I would read it here, but I am a LOT better than I was a year ago.

 

Is there anyone at all supporting you during this? If not, I would recommend finding a therapist - it's  hard to find a good one that understands what we're going through, but they are out there. If anything, it's someone to talk to outside of your immediate family and friends. Also, look up Angie Peacock Consulting - I believe she does online and has been through the process and gets it.

 

Make yourself go for a walk outside, listen to music, try to do something every day, even if it's just a shower. 

 

Did you make a decision on the antibiotics?

[Altostrata]

On 12/10/2022 at 11:18 PM, Upnorth said:

just wondering if you had any good ideas about the dark thoughts. It seems that all I want to do is cry. When I wake up in the morning I have terrible dark thoughts and feelings of hopelessness.

 

Do you have any symptoms that might be withdrawal other than "dark thoughts"?

[Upnorth]

On 12/12/2022 at 9:44 AM, MedRN said:

At the worst of my physical symptoms, the thoughts told me to leave the world more than once, something I've never felt before this experience - 

This is exactly how I feel. Never in my life have I ever felt this bad. It's hard to push that aside and the constant nausea and flu feeling and dizziness just make it so debilitating. I have talked to a therapist but she doesn't agree with the withdrawal after this long, just like my dr. I guess I need to look for someone that does but I live in a small town and so far have not had much success finding "understanding" therapists, even in nearby cities.  Someone recommended going to a ostiopath but I don't know if that would be a good idea? It would just be nice to have some windows once in awhile to give me hope. I know it's the dysregulation, but I often wonder when will I get a break and start to heal. I can't work and the few people I do talk to all think I should be "all better" by now.  Anyway, thanks for your response and the ideas, I have been trying a few things but the physical stuff is brutal. Even just a bit of snow shoveling or cleaning off the car is difficult, which is frustrating when it's stuff that never was ever an issue before. 

 

On 12/12/2022 at 5:39 PM, Altostrata said:

Do you have any symptoms that might be withdrawal other than "dark thoughts"?

Yes @Altostrata, I still have the nausea, air hunger, muscle tension in the abdominals and some dizziness as well. The dark thoughts are usually bad when I wake in the morning with the cortisol spike. 

[LotusRising]

7 hours ago, Upnorth said:

she doesn't agree with the withdrawal

I would hazard a guess that most don't. Mine didn't understand the withdrawal process either, but she kept me moving forward. Check out Inner Compass Initiative - I'm not sure if they do "live" stuff, but they have a huge amount of info for the withdrawal community and just launched a new initiative for people to access. Also, as I mentioned, Angie Peacock Consulting.

 

In my opinion, I see no harm in consulting with an osteopath. I went to one when my digestion shut down in a really acute stage of my taper and just recently for back pain - their adjustments are subtle and I think it benefited me positively. I had no increase in symptoms from it. 

 

7 hours ago, Upnorth said:

when will I get a break and start to heal

You're always healing. No matter what, your body is always trying to bring itself back to homeostasis. I didn't believe it either but my symptoms have gone from excruciating to minimal over the past year. 

 

I'm sorry you don't have the support you need, but there must be a person, a reason or some "thing" that is keeping you going. Hold on to that and focus on it when you're at your worst.

 

I'm here if you need to chat.

[Altostrata]

Very few doctors know anything about withdrawal. I would not argue with them about it.

[Vasherr]

Hi I have read about Your helicobacter bloodwork result and wanted to share 2 things, first is that bloodwork is not a good marker in this infection as antibodies may be present long after the infection has subsided. From what I've read stool test for antibodies is the one that gives answer about active infection.

 

And second is this review of a natural protocol to fight this infection:

https://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/journal/successful-eradication-helicobacter-pylori-over-counter-products

 

I just now got my stool test results and I am positive so I am searching for information about fighting the infection without antibiotics, as I also am highly sensitised and afraid that AB's will bring even more suffering, which I don't know if I can take.

 

Hope I've managed to help, even a little

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.

[Thorin]

On 12/12/2022 at 7:10 PM, Upnorth said:

@MedRN,Any ideas on how to deal with the sadness and depression? I'm having a hard time pulling myself out of this. Is it normal to not feel any joy? The dark thoughts are scary. Sorry, I just feel stuck and need some ideas. Thanks for your concern and help.

I dealt with this quite recently. It’s very difficult to endure isn’t it. By far one of the most difficult symptoms. I had to force myself to take care of myself although I even let that lapse for a while. It’s hard to believe but this DOES pass. It really is a matter of time, and taking on board the advice provided on this site. These people know what they’re talking about because they’ve lived it. But I understand. I couldn’t make myself trust anything at first because when I previously trusted someone they put me on the very meds that led me here. Hold on. Take a low dose Benzo if it helps as much as you’ve said. Over time, in the future you will be able to stop the benzo as well. There are options here.

[LotusRising]

@Upnorth How are you doing??

[Upnorth]

@MedRN  Not doing very good.  My symptoms seem to be the same. I did the 2 weeks of antibiotics in Dec. and don't feel any better. I almost think I feel a bit worse. Can antibiotics make a person sicker? My nausea is still bad and the muscle tension in the abdominals is the same. I don't seem to get a break. Lots of headaches also. The ativan doesn't seem to work as well as before. I've probably used it about 4-6 times per month for the last 5 months at 0.5mg per dose.   I also had a lung function test done 3 weeks ago and the results were "normal". whatever that means. I still have air hunger and feel like I can't breath but I think that it is from the chemical dysregulation. The days have been tough for a long time and I just keep hoping I will get a break,  I'm pretty depleted and feel weak most of the day. Thanks for checking on me,  I appreciate your concern..                                             thanks @Vasherr for the information.                                                                                               thanks @Thorin I'm strugglin', just would like to get a break and give me some hope.      

[Upnorth]

Hi @Altostrata  @Frogie , just a bit of an update. I haven't been on here much and haven't had any improvement. I still have really bad nausea all day long and muscle tension in the diaphragm region.  I still don't sleep well and wake up with intrusive thoughts. I have been watching a lot of your videos and trying to find some ways to ease the symptoms but haven't had much success. I watched one of your videos the other night with Josef Witt- Doering and you  had mentioned there was a site available in B.C. for a deprescribing service available in Canada. I tried to find it on the web but could not find the site.  I keep on trying to find ways to cope with this and had hoped that maybe the Canadian site may be helpful. At this time, the only time I seem to get a break is when I take some ativan but it doesn't seem to work as well as before and I try really hard to avoid it.  The pharmacist said I may have some benzo withdrawal, but I don't know, I only use it 4-6 times a month. Do you think this could be a contributing factor?  Could you please send me the web address in Canada for the site you started, thanks for your help. 

[Shep]

@Upnorth Please see Alto's post: 

 

On 11/20/2022 at 6:26 PM, Altostrata said:

Canada members -- Outro.com, a telemedicine service for tapering antidepressants has opened a pilot project in Ontario and British Columbia. 

 

Mark Horowitz and I are advising them.

 

The cost for the service is $99CAN per month, plus your prescription cost. You will be able to talk with a nurse practitioner and other medical staff. Additional psychotherapy will be available as an option.

 

If you're interested, the site is https://www.outro.com

 

(There is a waitlist for people in the US who wish to be notified when the service is available there.)

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

@Upnorth have you seen any relation between your benzo use and your symptom pattern?

 

Have you tried any complementary medicine, such as acupuncture, for your gut and abdominal problems?

 

 

[Upnorth]

   Thank you @Shep I will look .   @Altostrata Yes. It seems that when I take 0.5mg ativan, many symptoms improve, to the point where I can function. Normally the nausea is so bad that I am unable to function, even if I try to push through (which seems to make it worse). I was treated for H Pylori in Dec and that did not help the nausea. I take lots of probiotics and have made many changes to my diet with minimal results. I apparently have mild copd but even that improves with ativan. I have a puffer that has steroids in it but I have been a little nervous to use it cause I don't want any more set backs. I have tried ondansetron but it didn't work and the pharmacist said it probably wouldn't in my situation. I still take gravol 50mg at night before bed to help with sleep and sometimes during the day but it doesn't really do much. When I take ativan, I don't have to take gravol. I haven't tried acupuncture yet. it seems that the nausea is from the dysregulation and chemically driven. Really late at night, like after midnight, I do get a bit of a break and by the time I go to bed I'm better but when I go to sleep it all resets and i wake with the dread and intrusive thoughts and nausea. Today was really bad when I woke up so when I got up I toke 0.5 ativan and had an almost normal day and was able to fix my lawn mower and cut the grass. I don't like to take the ativan  but some days are just too much and it seems to be the only thing that works.  Thanks for you help Alto, I really appreciate it.

[Altostrata]

As discussed before, since you know Ativan works, perhaps the best route for you would be to take a small amount of Ativan, such as 0.25mg, twice a day for some months to help your system settle down, then taper off.

[Vasherr]

Hi, @Upnorth

 

was Your H Pylori eradication confirmed?

 

Also from my own experience I can advise to check on Your teeth, I had scaling done a while ago and it made a great difference in my mental state.