DoneDanny: short period on sertraline / Zoloft and I lost myself

[DoneDanny]

48 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

I also take a supplement called cytokine suppress which is Mung Bean extract and green tea extract.

I believe the one of the reasons I am in this mess is because I had a bad reaction to L-theanine withdrawal. It made my anxiety unbearable. I can't even enjoy a cup of green tea without the come down being 100x the anxiety. L-Theanine is basically a benzo for my brain. Latches on to GABA receptors and I get insane withdrawal feelings afterwards that last into the next 24-48hrs. Which lead me to go see a doctor. So if there is any L-theanine in that I won't be able to take it.

 

48 minutes ago, Roserdl said:

You might want to look up on exercise and try to adjust for brain inflammation.

Another reason I believe I am in this mess is I had pretty rough experience with Covid. I was sick with gnarly pains and couldn't taste for 12 days. Afterwards the brain fog and fatigue set in, and never went away. Doctors recommend ssri's for brain inflammation btw.

 

Other than that I have tried everything in the book for neuro-inflammation and nothing brings any relief, only worsened depression and dpdr. I have done cold showers, and it just gives me one more thing to not look forward to in my day and I saw no benefit.

 

I wanted to learn CBT but I can't afford to waste any more money on a therapist and reading has become almost impossible.

[ChessieCat]

19 minutes ago, DoneDanny said:

I wanted to learn CBT but I can't afford to waste any more money on a therapist and reading has become almost impossible.

 

Being unable to read seems to be a fairly common thing here at SA.  I know my capacity for reading, or even sitting watching a movie, has been and sometimes still is a problem.  Recently I've been watching DVDs and enjoying them.

 

I did a search on Youtube and found this.  Please note that I have not watched any of them so I cannot give any opinion.

 

This is the link to the Playlist for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT Dr. Dawn-Elise "Doc" Snipes

 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcB3trehXswj1A2rrm7B4uaELR-98wV3K

[Roserdl]

Sorry this wasn't helpful.  Mct might be something to look into.   Cold showers are rough I know.  I found them incredibly helpful.   I hope you find some improvement soon.  

 

[DoneDanny]

I can't help but think I'm psychotic now. Like my thoughts are obsessive and relate to everything I see as terrifying and panick inducing. I'll see a pattern on the wall and feel like I have to see every aspect of it. And I'll say in my head calm down you don't need to see it all. Then I'll think about how it was made and every little detail related and its a spiral of horror.

 

I'll see my hands and not be able to understand they are mine. Even poking them doesn't feel real. I feel it but it's like I'm poking something fake and feeling something else.

 

I was at the eye doctors office and panicked about the handles on the cabinets in the office. I was saying "there are too many handles" and "why do they look like that, I don't like the way they look. They're making me panic and they're just handles to cabinets."

 

I hate going outdoors because I panic about not being able to see every little detail of everything I'm looking at. I can't see off in the distance and it's one of my biggest fears now.

 

Even watching TV brings the same thoughts. I feel like I have to move my center vision to view every little detail of every frame and its horrible. I just want to relax and enjoy like I used to.

 

Never dealt with even a flaky thought of this before.

 

I'm thinking of being admitted into a hospital. I just want some help so bad. I'm constantly afraid of my thoughts and can't stop crying anymore. I don't think it'll help but I'm out of options and I just want to be locked away for as long as possible. It's just so sad.. so much promise gone. I was never like this before.

[Onmyway]

On 5/1/2022 at 9:57 AM, DoneDanny said:

@JanCarol I was on lamictal when I was younger because my mom told the doctors I was bipolar even though I have zero of the bipolar symptoms. I would just get angry easily. I also took alprazolam as needed for a couple years but was off it completely for years before taking the sertraline. I smoked concentrated cannabis pretty much everyday from 16-22 years old as well as took too much alprazolam and drank too much alcohol from 18-21. After the sertraline I'm pretty sure I destroyed what was left of my sober mind. I did it to better myself too 😞 Now I'm unable to feel joy anymore. I can barely play video games because they are too confusing and I just want to lay there and not move. The dpdr which I never experienced from any amount of drug I've ever done and is mind melting. It brings so much paranoia and suicidal thoughts with it. Without the dpdr, I wouldn't be in the state I am in.

@DoneDanny, 

can you pls put this in your signature as well? WIll help us help you better as we will understand your history better. 

How to List Drug History in Signature - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants
OMW

[Onmyway]

3 hours ago, DoneDanny said:

I'm thinking of being admitted into a hospital. I just want some help so bad. I'm constantly afraid of my thoughts and can't stop crying anymore. I don't think it'll help but I'm out of options and I just want to be locked away for as long as possible. It's just so sad.. so much promise gone. I was never like this before.

Since you had such an ADR to sertraline, adding more drugs at the hospital can potentially make things worse. I understand the desperation behind this - your symptoms do sound quite hard but think before you do this. Are you considering it to help keep you safe? Do you have support on the ground? 

 

Your DPDR sounds really hard. However, the panic from specific things doesn't sound like psychosis but more like severe intrusive thoughts and obsessions (I am saying this because the thought of psychosis makes people really scared and it doesn't look like that is what you have). I am really sorry you are suffering with this. I hope it feels better. Is there something that alleviates your symptoms - like an epsom salt bath or a dark/quiet room etc.? 

OMW

 

 

[Roserdl]

I relate to wanting to do something to fix yourself and it is very difficult when the solution is time.  Hospitals have meds and they can keep you safe.  It is hard not to fixate on symptoms which interfere with every aspect of your day especially something as extreme as you are experiencing.   Omw sounds right.  You seem as if you are reacting to the dpDr.  Hospitalization could help in providing some emotional support and safety if you feel you are suicidal.  And they can provide structure but they will push meds hard as it's all they have.  Do you have any personal supports to help reassure you as you go through the days?  Also the cytokine suppress doesn't have l theanine just another singular isolated compound compound. So sorry you are struggling this hard.   

 

[DoneDanny]

12 hours ago, Onmyway said:

can you pls put this in your signature as well? WIll help us help you better as we will understand your history better. 

I didn't add lamictal or alprazolam to my signature because I was happily off of both medications for well over 2-3 years with only minor issues, before getting covid and then being fatigued like crazy and in body pain afterwards. That's when I went to the Doctor's office and started taking what they recommended, which was sertraline.

 

11 hours ago, Onmyway said:

Since you had such an ADR to sertraline, adding more drugs at the hospital can potentially make things worse. I understand the desperation behind this - your symptoms do sound quite hard but think before you do this. Are you considering it to help keep you safe? Do you have support on the ground?

I wouldn't take more drugs. And I'm considering it because I can't think of anything but suicide at this point. I wake up and scream and cry because everything is still fake. I was tough in the beginning but I've been slowly broken down further and further and I feel like I've finally hit rock bottom.

 

What do you mean by support on the ground? I live with my mother and my step dad, but am terrified to bring up how much I'm struggling because they make it seem like they're going to kick me out when I do. My mother has mental health issues and she told me months ago that she doesn't even want to come home anymore because of me and how much stress I cause her.

 

11 hours ago, Onmyway said:

Is there something that alleviates your symptoms

My dreams have been nice. They've been about me spending time with my best friend and my brother who live far away and I haven't seen in years. I had one where I was playing cards with my grandparents last night.

 

This has lead to me laying in bed for 12 hours or more each day now.

 

2 hours ago, Roserdl said:

Do you have any personal supports to help reassure you as you go through the days?  Also the cytokine suppress doesn't have l theanine just another singular isolated compound compound.

I'm tired of bothering others with my despair. I have family but they are busy working and even looking at there faces causes me pain.

 

I want to try the cytokine suppress but I have kind of given up on supplements. I was so hopefully about so many supplements I have tried but they just made zero difference or made it all much worse. It's probably my anxiety. It's all anxiety.

[Onmyway]

Hi @DoneDanny

Yes, your safety is the most important thing and you should get all the support that you can to keep safe incl. checking yourself into a safe place. Do you know resources such as the Samaritans etc. I'm so sorry it's so hard and those around you are not helping.  wish I could offer some sort of respite.

 

I want you to remember that as uncomfortable as this is, it will get better. This is temporary while your brain is healing. Think of it this way, right now, the part of your brain that recognizes itself and others and can compare it to how things were is undergoing repairs. Once the repairs are complete it will come back online but for now it's non functional. You need to endure it minute but minute during the time that the repairs take. 

 

I'm glad that dreaming helps. Sleep is very helpful in withdrawal. Are you trying other things such as gentle music to help you get some distraction? Deep breathing - breathe in for 3, out for 4, Epsom salt baths for relaxation, other self care? Walking as much as you can manage to get out? If walking during the day triggers symptoms maybe you can do 10-20 min gentle walks in the evening when you won't see people. Does talking on the phone help to connect you to people without triggering symptoms? Can you talk to your brother and best friend on the phone? I'm throwing out suggestions hoping that at least some of them will get you grounded and through this difficult time. This will get better. Can you separate the symptoms of DP/DR from your distress about them? 

 

The reason I asked you to add the other drugs is that if we know you have you come off of drugs before it makes us understand your current situation better. Every time the brain comes on and off a drug it makes subsequent withdrawals harder esp if the earlier ones were cold turkey and even if the earlier ones were uneventful. 

 

I'm thinking of you and hoping that you feel better soon and these symptoms disappear without a trace.

 

omw

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hi Danny, your symptoms are 100% DPDR - you can find lots of us just like you on Reddit or Facebook groups devoted to this condition - dpdr has been my most prominent feature since my adverse reaction - I hope this helps 

[DoneDanny]

11 hours ago, Vonnegutjunky said:

Hi Danny, your symptoms are 100% DPDR - you can find lots of us just like you on Reddit or Facebook groups devoted to this condition - dpdr has been my most prominent feature since my adverse reaction - I hope this helps 

I know. They're all people who got it from nothing or after smoking cannabis. I don't feel there stories hold any weight towards what I am going through. I smoked cannabis and never even had the slightest issue with dpdr. They gave it to themselves from just thinking.

 

I can't even see. Looking at bottles in the fridge makes me suicidal. The labels have alien text and aren't real. No amount of cannabis, alcohol, or even meth could do this to someone who has abstained from all substances this long.

[Vonnegutjunky]

11 hours ago, DoneDanny said:

I know. They're all people who got it from nothing or after smoking cannabis. I don't feel there stories hold any weight towards what I am going through. I smoked cannabis and never even had the slightest issue with dpdr. They gave it to themselves from just thinking.

 

I can't even see. Looking at bottles in the fridge makes me suicidal. The labels have alien text and aren't real. No amount of cannabis, alcohol, or even meth could do this to someone who has abstained from all substances this long.

This is inherently untrue - I have the same thoughts as you - my dpdr literally made me feel like I was IN my tv when I was watching it - the sun caused me terror - lights sounds - all caused me to freak out- I could tune around knives and I lost my cognitive map of the world  - I thought every day I was going to fly out of my bedroom window and I felt like this was happening - my mind was so so so bad from it and my withdrawal I couldn’t think straight - I laid in bed for 6 mos hoping for cancer - my

mom died of cancer - I was a

mess from wd - I felt like I was psychotic but aware of my psychosis -which almost made it more difficult - but now that I’m in a wave again- similar to then - I recongnize - it’s anxiety and a fried cns - it’s not easy at all- in fact it may be more difficult than just losing your mind and being admitted to a psych ward - but from an outside perspective - it looks like dpdr To me 

[DoneDanny]

47 minutes ago, Vonnegutjunky said:

This is inherently untrue

I wasn't trying to be combative. I'm just saying how little help it is too me to go to reddit and read how someone has dpdr for 5+ years after smoking a little cannabis. Cannabis doesn't fry your cns. Those anecdotes are people who gave themselves dpdr from thoughts alone.

 

And whenever you Google ssri induced dpdr recovery, you're met with articles about treating dpdr with ssris and other people saying the dpdr passes if you just keep taking the zoloft.

 

I feel exactly like the person who wrote that article on rxrisk. And it's terrifying.

[ChessieCat]

Here is the link for a search of the term depersonalization in SA's Success Stories forum:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=depersonalization

[Vonnegutjunky]

I get what you mean - I have dpdr - I have had it since I was little - it’s not that bad of a condition until wd sets in- you can different levels of it - wd took my dpdr to a whole different level - it was unlivable - I understand you not wanting to read those forums - I was just trying to help by showing your not alone and it can’t hurt you - even though it feels like it will - don’t let it be the thing that consumes you - it’s easier said than done I know - I am fighting with a bad bout of it myself and it’s given me brain fog on top of everything - it’s frustrating and scary - scarier than anything - but the wd dpdr is much worse than regular - and I am certain it will get better for you - 

 

lissa rankin talks about chronic conditions and how the cns being inflamed contributes to them - I belive it - so soothing your cns as much as you can will help- when I couldn’t move and hid in my bed for almost a year - I did watch asmr videos - a lady folding towels - it helped calm me a bit - but the asmr needs to be something that you enjoy - I like watching restoration videos too - they are short and I can watch them with no sound - 

[eileen1111]

Hi Danny

 

Here's something which helps me think optimistically about recovery from dpdr, found on the site for HPPD recovery (HPPD = hallucinogenic persistent perception disorder): 'HPPD often co-arises with Depersonalization/Derealization (DP/DR): a dissociative reaction in which people feel disconnected from their bodies and immediate environments... there is no evidence that drug-induced DP/DR is categorically different to that induced without drugs.'

 

What I'm trying to show you is that although we have dpdr from SSRIs, that doesn't make it any less possible to recover from it than if it was caused by a panic attack or smoking cannabis or chronic stress and trauma. Dpdr is a sign that our neurotransmitters are out of whack, our nervous system dysregulated. As your brain chemistry slowly re-regulates itself after the abrupt removal of the sertraline, the dpdr will fade. 

 

Read the 'HPPD information guide' which you can download off the site I linked, I found it really helpful as I think HPPD and SSRI withdrawal are comparable states. 

 

I have seen improvements in my dpdr, many others have fully recovered from it, and you will too!

 

[DoneDanny]

My eyes and body hurts constantly all over nonstop, it's pure agony. My eyes are permanently dry and I still can't even read street signs while driving. I have 2020 vision... but why can't I see? Does this go away? It sure doesn't seem like it's improving at all. Started screaming and crying while driving a few minutes ago because I couldn't even read the street sign across the street. I can't see. My vision was so good before I decided to ruin my life with an ssri.

[Ariel]

@DoneDanny

I'm sorry you are having difficulties with dry eyes and blurry vision. I've had this, too. It's not uncommon in SSRI withdrawal. 

The good news is that it gets better. Most of my vision issues have completely resolved.

I still sometimes get dry eyes, which may be related to WD and can also be related to fatigue, allergies, air quality, diet, and many other causes. 

Have you tried using non-drug saline solution eye drops? This has helped me a lot when the dryness has been at its worst. You can buy them over the counter many places. Just make sure they don't contain any active drug ingredients. 

Blurry vision can be caused by various things, among them dry eyes. So (maybe you know this already) your blurry vision may be a direct result of the eye dryness.

If you haven't already, try moistening your eyes using safe non-toxic drops and check if the blurriness improves. 

Wearing large, dark glasses and a cap/brimmed hat may also help protect your sensitive withdrawal eyes from bright light and physically block dust particles and other irritants.

Most importantly, don't worry. Anxiety only makes things worse. Practice acceptance and patience and try to stay calm, try not to spiral.

It gets better!

[DoneDanny]

Severe dizziness just appeared out of no where. 7 months out and from the moment I wake up til I go to sleep, moving my head at all almost causes me to fall over. It's been 3 days of this. My confusion is also severely worsening.

[DoneDanny]

I'm starting to forgot what life was like before this hell of an existence. I've been crying most of the days again because of my eyes and how impossible it is for me to see anything, the more complex the more horrifying. It causes me 10/10 psychological torture. I wish I was just blinded by the sertraline because I can't take this pain much longer. I don't want to open my eyes ever again. Why did I do this to myself. 

[ChessieCat]

I had someone say to me a very long time ago, and it has helped me a lot, and it is applicable to many areas of life:

 

We do what we do with the knowledge we had at that time.

 

There are many SA members who have difficulty dealing with what has happened to them due to psychiatric drugs and/or trying to get off them.

 

Recovery can be very slow and take a lot longer than we would like it to but it does happen.

 

It is a good idea to learn and regularly use non drug techniques to lower stress.  When we are stressed the brain thinks the body is in danger so it diverts its attention to dealing with the threat in order to keep us alive because that is the top priority and recovery/healing processes are put on hold.

 

Non-drug techniques

[Daisygirlsk]

On 5/31/2022 at 12:01 PM, DoneDanny said:

My eyes and body hurts constantly all over nonstop, it's pure agony. My eyes are permanently dry and I still can't even read street signs while driving. I have 2020 vision... but why can't I see? Does this go away? It sure doesn't seem like it's improving at all. Started screaming and crying while driving a few minutes ago because I couldn't even read the street sign across the street. I can't see. My vision was so good before I decided to ruin my life with an ssri.

I had super severe dry eyes for the first 18 months or so off ssris. I would be blinded in the middle of the night because I had absolutely no moisture in my eyes. My optometrist said they were some of the most severe dry eyes she had ever seen. I would sit in front of a humidifier directly in front of the steam just to try to get some type of moisture. I would put hot compresses on them several times a day and sit in the bathroom with a hot shower on. I used the most expensive eye drops I could find and also a warm mask every evening. It was agonizing. They also were swollen a lot and people would comment about how tired I looked but I would sleep all the time. I now have no problems with my eyes but it took way longer than I expected to go away.

[Heath]

Yep the dry eyes, dry sinuses and dry mouth - severely  then Comes and goes. 
It does go away

[DoneDanny]

2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

It is a good idea to learn and regularly use non drug techniques to lower stress.  When we are stressed the brain thinks the body is in danger so it diverts its attention to dealing with the threat in order to keep us alive because that is the top priority and recovery/healing processes are put on hold.

Everytime I open my eyes my brain thinks I'm in danger then. Which means healing has been on hold from day one. No matter what I do I can't make myself cope with this. I can't even look in my own backyard, look at my self, or anything at all without immediately realizing how screwed my mind is and how terrifying and hostile the world has become. I have thoughts of suicide more than any other thoughts throughout the day which makes me cry and scream because I don't want to die but I'd much much rather die if that makes this stop.

[ChessieCat]

Many of us here understand what you are going through and how tough it is.  I went through months of feeling suicidal so I can say that I have experienced this first hand.  It is tough to go through but we can come out the other side.  Sometimes it is a case of getting through a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time and sometimes it is minute by minute.  I read a book about suicide during this time and one thing really helped and it is something that even these days I occasionally remind myself of:  It is just a feeling and feelings change.

 

It's not that we want to die but we want to stop whatever "pain" we are experiencing at that time.

 

There are things that you can do to help yourself to be less stressed BUT only you can do it.  It can be hard work and it might not feel like it is doing anything but it does work and it helps.  The more you do it the easier it gets and the more second nature it becomes.  Been there, done that.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

When we are feeling so dreadfully awful all of our thoughts are turned inwards.  It can be very hard to get out of our own head.  It magnifies everything so it seems bigger and worse than it really is.  Yes, I know it does feel bad.  It's a horrid thing to go through.  But if you can start turning your thoughts from going inwardly and start turning them outwardly it can help to give your brain some rest.  And it doesn't have to be anything complicated.  Just go to the window and look to see if the wind is blowing the leaves on the tree.  You don't have to feel any pleasure about it.  It's the act of noticing things.  Look to see what cars are going past.  What colours are the cars.  Are there any people walking in the street.  Any dogs around.  Are there clouds in the sky.  Where is the sun in the sky.  Look at the shadows.  If you cannot get to a window find a book that has some pictures in it and look at the pictures.

 

It's also important to understand that anxiety causes symptoms and if we don't understand what those feelings in our body are it can cause fear and then we can end up with even more symptoms and horrible feelings and this can then lead to a panic attack.  Again, been there, done that - which was before I learned about what was actually happening and how to cope with it.

 

From https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety-self-help/

 

[DoneDanny]

I'm struggling beyond anything imaginable today. Can't come up with a single reason why I'm still alive. Even if I recover the world has been tainted in my eyes. Life is 95% misery. I can't find the energy to move. Been sleeping in my bed most hours of the day. Everything seems to hold no meaning. The dpdr isn't going anywhere. The world isn't even real. Why bother with any of this. Why am I forced to endure another second of this. It's all pain pain pain pain pain. I'm a braindead pointless waste of space at this point. The poison I put in my body has stripped me of my body and mind. Almost 8 months of hell on earth and nothing to show for it. I can't endure much longer. I'm running out of strength to fight against the suicidal thoughts. All day everyday, every second, every hour, it's me telling me to die. Me begging god to kill me. Me falling to my knees after walking to the kitchen and crying in a ball because of how much pain it causes me to even move anymore. I can't even find the point of moving. Depression, anxiety, and dpdr has consumed every ounce of me. I have no faith that I am strong enough to overcome any of this anymore. Something is seriously just wrong with me on a physiological/psychological level and I have no faith that I can do anything about it. Even less faith that anyone else can help me after they've destroyed me so much. Coping mechanisms do nothing. Supplements do nothing. Everything does nothing. I can't live like this.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @DoneDanny What do you mean by pain? Where is this pain? How often does it occur, how long does it last?

 

If you really are suicidal, we have no choice but to advise you to seek face-to-face help in your area immediately.

 

As explained to you when you joined, some people are sensitive to antidepressants and may experience an immediate adverse reaction. When they go off the drug, which you did at the end of 2021, they may have symptoms very much like protracted withdrawal, which we have seen will very, very gradually go away over months if you don't upset your nervous system more.

 

Things that may upset your nervous system are alcohol, antibiotics, other drugs, overdoing strenuous exercise, excessive heat, not getting enough sleep. Have you done any of these in the last 6 months?

[DoneDanny]

On 6/22/2022 at 6:46 PM, Altostrata said:

What do you mean by pain? Where is this pain? How often does it occur, how long does it last?

Constant pain covering every inch of my body. Never goes away. Severe in my neck, shoulders, knees, eyes, ankles, feet, hands, and wrists. 

 

On 6/22/2022 at 6:46 PM, Altostrata said:

If you really are suicidal, we have no choice but to advise you to seek face-to-face help in your area immediately.

I've thought about going to a in patient hospital, but I no longer have insurance and they wouldn't be able to keep me long enough.

 

On 6/22/2022 at 6:46 PM, Altostrata said:

Things that may upset your nervous system are alcohol, antibiotics, other drugs, overdoing strenuous exercise, excessive heat, not getting enough sleep. Have you done any of these in the last 6 months?

No. No drugs or alcohol. I've reduced my physical activity to moderate. I'm sleeping 12 hours or more a day.

 

The worst of the worst is I can't see anything farther than 6 inches in front of my face. It's all a blurry mess. I've lost my entire eyesight in just 3 weeks of poisoning myself. It's really really really messing with me to think I have to live like this now. 8 months and zero eyesight improvements, honestly feels like they're deteriorating more every month. Eye exam did nothing beneficial.

 

Is there a reason why coffee is not recommended on here? Studies show it cuts suicidality in half. That seems pretty substantial to me.

[Altostrata]

Did you ever try this?

 

On 1/5/2022 at 9:35 PM, manymoretodays said:

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.  

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

 

Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxant. One way to take it is Epsom salts baths, which you might find help the pain. Another way is to rub magnesium oil on your skin in the areas that hurt.

[DoneDanny]

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Did you ever try this?

 

On 1/5/2022 at 11:35 PM, manymoretodays said:

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.  

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Expand  

 

Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxant. One way to take it is Epsom salts baths, which you might find help the pain. Another way is to rub magnesium oil on your skin in the areas that hurt.

Ya. I take a very small amount before bed. Was taking more but it seems to worsen my depression. Too much Melatonin also seems to severely worsen my depression as well.

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, DoneDanny said:

Too much Melatonin also seems to severely worsen my depression as well.

 

Another member posted this today:

 

5 hours ago, Roserdl said:

I upped the melatonin to 5 mg about four days ago and it was then the depression started getting super bad.

[SunnyRainyDays]

Please read one of my favourite success stories. It shows that even after years of no improvement, you can recover.

They saw for 4 years no improvements, but it was all worth in the end. They made an incredible, inspiring recovery.

 

I also took my remeron only for two months on the lowest dose and suffer now on times unbearable mental pain since three months - suicidal thoughts are for now part of my daily life. But on the near three month mark my short term memory went back to 100% in the course of a week, and I had zero memory before that. It's proof that it can just happen any day, suddenly you're getting better out of nowhere.

 

You mentoined also coffee  - in my case I sometimes can drink light coffee, and on some days I get severely anxious and even more suicidal when I drink it - that's why it's not advised to drink it, right now is just not a good time for stimulants.

 

Keep on, I know it's difficult to now even remember how joy feels or felt, how it was before. Most people write their horror stories and never report back - they might have recovered two years later, just not after 6 months while they were writing this. Even after 6 years you can still recover.

 

https://beyondmeds.com/2015/03/20/reciprocity-thank-you/ The person who created this website was bedridden for years after AD use - and can now walk and smile like a normal person - even saying herself she feels healthier and happier than ever, and still improves to this day.

[Roserdl]

Epsom salts bath are very helpful and calming.  Melatonin I found triggers severe depression and pain.  I find cytokine suppress helps keep this down considerably.  

 

I get the despondency.  The vision stuff must be so challenging.  You may be very close to some breakthroughs.  I know time frames don't help much when you don't feel like you can take another second.  And no one knows time frames anyway for any individual.  One member on here reported total suicidal despondency one day then felt fine the next.  Hang on.  Much light to you

[Altostrata]

When did you have covid? Was this before you took sertraline?

 

On 5/25/2022 at 11:30 AM, DoneDanny said:

before getting covid and then being fatigued like crazy and in body pain afterwards.

 

Your experience with sertaline may not have anything to do with your body pain or vision problems -- they may be long covid symptoms. We do not treat that here.

 

Whether post-sertraline effects or long covid, you will need to manage your emotional reactions to having these distressing symptoms. Your reaction is making your situation worse. See

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

We advise people to avoid caffeine because it can make you nervous and disrupt sleep. The idea that it can stop suicidality is inherently absurd.

 

On 5/23/2022 at 4:39 PM, DoneDanny said:

I've noticed that when I don't push myself physically the suicidal thoughts and anxiety are much much worse. I try to take two rest days and they are the worst days of my week every time.

 

You don't need to push yourself. Just get gentle exercise every day, maybe in the evening, when you are less likely to be stimulated by light or heat.

 

Ingesting a little magnesium is different from an Epsom salts bath, which can be more effective for body pain.

 

However, my intuition now is that you have long covid, and you might find participating in a support group for this is more helpful.

 

 

[DoneDanny]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Your experience with sertaline may not have anything to do with your body pain or vision problems -- they may be long covid symptoms. We do not treat that here.

Only had fatigue before taking sertraline. Nurse practitioner said it was depression. Said zoloft would do wonders and told me to take 50mg a day. Warned me of none of this.

 

Within the first dose my vision went fuzzy. Never came back. DPDR also followed after one dose. I didn't know what it was. Doesn't go away even when not anxious.

[Altostrata]

On 5/25/2022 at 11:30 AM, DoneDanny said:

I was happily off of both medications for well over 2-3 years with only minor issues, before getting covid and then being fatigued like crazy and in body pain afterwards. That's when I went to the Doctor's office and started taking what they recommended, which was sertraline.

 

It appears you had these symptoms from covid, and you may be confusing them with adverse effects of sertraline.

 

It is likely your pain symptoms are from long covid. I'm sorry, we don't have any solutions for long covid here. You do not appear to have sertraline withdrawal syndrome. We do not have any remedies for what you have.