success Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal

[Hibari]

No Martina, it's not a matter of getting another dog at this time

 

I need to grieve my dog and focus on stabilizing my nervous system. 

[Happy2Heal]

Hibari

I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved dog Jordy.

coming home to where his passing happened and to where you must have many other good memories, it must feel overwhelming.

 

as bad as it feels right now, know that the intensity will diminish in time. 

 

one thing that helped me when I was grieving, a thought that was somewhat comforting, was knowing that I would not feel this badly if the lost loved one had not been so important to me, and so deeply loved.

That love for another, whether it's a pet or a person, that's never lost, even when the loved one is no longer physically with us.

 

 

grief is different for everyone, but I think universally it's a time when we need to be especially kind and gentle with ourselves.

it's not just emotional, grief is physical too.

To be going thru withdrawal at the same time has to be so hard.

but you're going to get thru it.

 

someone told me once that you don't need to have faith that you're going to succeed in a difficult task or a difficult time, in order to get thru it. You just need to keep moving forward, one moment at a time. In spite of the doubt, in spite of the fear, and in spite of the pain.

You've been doing that all along, I don't see any reason to think that you won't be able to continue.

 

and I believe that things will ease up. I wish it was going to happen quickly, but no one really knows.

 

personally If I were you, I'd make it my number one priority to be just super kind to yourself in as many ways as possible.

keep your days as stress free as you can and give yourself time to process your loss.

 

there are some grief counsellors for the loss of a pet, maybe reach out to someone like that.....? I don't know how good they are, but it might be nice to talk to someone who understands how important our companion animals are to us.

 

again I am very sorry for your loss. 

 

 

 

[leahy]

Hi HIbari,

 

You are strong and your emotions are normal. I have seen grown healthy, stable, unmedicated, untapering men and women brought to their knees in inconsolable grief over the loss of their dog. These are powerful emotions that need time to recover from.

 

The truth is you are doing the best you can in these dire circumstances. Your loss would be devastating to all of us in the same way.

 

You are one of the strongest people I know. Maybe with a little help from your support group might help you. Accept that your grief is normal. Also, this grief must trigger all those old feelings of grief you have struggled through. But we have to go through this grief. There's no other way out. Let go and let God.

 

Blessings,

Leahy

 

 

[Hibari]

11 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Hibari

I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved dog Jordy.

coming home to where his passing happened and to where you must have many other good memories, it must feel overwhelming.

 

as bad as it feels right now, know that the intensity will diminish in time. 

 

one thing that helped me when I was grieving, a thought that was somewhat comforting, was knowing that I would not feel this badly if the lost loved one had not been so important to me, and so deeply loved.

That love for another, whether it's a pet or a person, that's never lost, even when the loved one is no longer physically with us.

 

 

grief is different for everyone, but I think universally it's a time when we need to be especially kind and gentle with ourselves.

it's not just emotional, grief is physical too.

To be going thru withdrawal at the same time has to be so hard.

but you're going to get thru it.

 

someone told me once that you don't need to have faith that you're going to succeed in a difficult task or a difficult time, in order to get thru it. You just need to keep moving forward, one moment at a time. In spite of the doubt, in spite of the fear, and in spite of the pain.

You've been doing that all along, I don't see any reason to think that you won't be able to continue.

 

and I believe that things will ease up. I wish it was going to happen quickly, but no one really knows.

 

personally If I were you, I'd make it my number one priority to be just super kind to yourself in as many ways as possible.

keep your days as stress free as you can and give yourself time to process your loss.

 

there are some grief counsellors for the loss of a pet, maybe reach out to someone like that.....? I don't know how good they are, but it might be nice to talk to someone who understands how important our companion animals are to us.

 

again I am very sorry for your loss. 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your comforting words.  Everything you have said has helped me and especially the part about not having to have faith to get through a difficult time. Just keep to keep doing what I can.  

 

I reached out to a 24 hour pet loss hotline and just cried on the phone.  I will be doing that again. 

 

Thank you for your kindness.  

[Hibari]

4 hours ago, leahy said:

Hi HIbari,

 

You are strong and your emotions are normal. I have seen grown healthy, stable, unmedicated, untapering men and women brought to their knees in inconsolable grief over the loss of their dog. These are powerful emotions that need time to recover from.

 

The truth is you are doing the best you can in these dire circumstances. Your loss would be devastating to all of us in the same way.

 

You are one of the strongest people I know. Maybe with a little help from your support group might help you. Accept that your grief is normal. Also, this grief must trigger all those old feelings of grief you have struggled through. But we have to go through this grief. There's no other way out. Let go and let God.

 

Blessings,

Leahy

 

 

Thank you Leahy.   You are right, this grief has triggered other old feelings of grief and I have to be careful that I don't spiral into other stuff.  

 

I don't feel strong but I'm glad you can remind me that I am. I want to feel strong and centered again.  I have to make sure I don't spend too much time alone.  I feel the loneliness that has come from the loss and I know I have to go though it. 

 

Thank you for your on going support.  

 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

oh  {{{{Hibari}}}} 
i'm glad you did that.  It's good to reach out to others for comfort and support. 

 

Your dog Jordy was lucky to have had such a loving family. 

 

 

[Frogie]

HI Hibari:

 

I posted on your page but I don't know if it went through or not.

 

I wanted to say I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my Brownie (16 year old chihuahua) on May 9.

 

She got me through thick and thin just as yours did.

 

She was my soulmate. I'm sure yours was too.

 

If you would like to reach me. You can post on Frogie's Off Topic, here, or a PM.

 

Again, I am very sorry.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[marie123]

Hibari,

 

I am so sorry for your loss of Jordy. I too experienced the grief of my beloved dog just over a year ago. I was in the depths of withdrawal so I know how especially hard it is. She was just shy of 16 years old and was with me throughout my rough times including w/d. Give it time, grief can last awhile so it's okay. I have gotten better with it just recently, so it took me a while. Remember, she was lucky to have you.

 

Marie

[Hibari]

4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

oh  {{{{Hibari}}}} 
i'm glad you did that.  It's good to reach out to others for comfort and support. 

 

Your dog Jordy was lucky to have had such a loving family. 

 

 

 

4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

oh  {{{{Hibari}}}} 
i'm glad you did that.  It's good to reach out to others for comfort and support. 

 

Your dog Jordy was lucky to have had such a loving family. 

 

 

Yes, it was good to just have someone say comforting words and just reflect back how hard it is.   In many ways just like being on this site.  Thank you for that suggestion.  

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, marie123 said:

Hibari,

 

I am so sorry for your loss of Jordy. I too experienced the grief of my beloved dog just over a year ago. I was in the depths of withdrawal so I know how especially hard it is. She was just shy of 16 years old and was with me throughout my rough times including w/d. Give it time, grief can last awhile so it's okay. I have gotten better with it just recently, so it took me a while. Remember, she was lucky to have you.

 

Marie

Thank you Marie and my heart goes out to you over your loss. Our pets offer us a special companionship that is so loving and unique.  On a deep level I know Jordy is all right and that makes me feel ok.  I also appreciate you sharing that it has gotten better for you.  That gives me hope.  

[Hibari]

3 hours ago, Frogie said:

HI Hibari:

 

I posted on your page but I don't know if it went through or not.

 

I wanted to say I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my Brownie (16 year old chihuahua) on May 9.

 

She got me through thick and thin just as yours did.

 

She was my soulmate. I'm sure yours was too.

 

If you would like to reach me. You can post on Frogie's Off Topic, here, or a PM.

 

Again, I am very sorry.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thank you Frogie and I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Brownie.  I really understand how you feel she was your soulmate, Jordy was one of mine.  

Thank you for letting me know I can reach out to you.  

[Carmie]

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im so sorry you lost Jordy. Animals certainly do become a part of our families. I’ve lost many animals too n it’s heartbreaking. The stress of it would certainly affect your nervous system so it’s not wise to taper until the nervous system settles down again.

 

Sending you the biggest hug ever 🤗🤗🤗

[Hibari]

On 8/9/2018 at 6:30 PM, Carmie said:

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im so sorry you lost Jordy. Animals certainly do become a part of our families. I’ve lost many animals too n it’s heartbreaking. The stress of it would certainly affect your nervous system so it’s not wise to taper until the nervous system settles down again.

 

Sending you the biggest hug ever 🤗🤗🤗

Thank you Carmie, I appreciate your support.  Animals are part of the family and yesterday I spent some time with two black dogs who were just wonderful.  I feel sad today but am so glad I got to pet them and interact with them.   I love dogs and all they offer.  

 

Yes, I am committed to holding and had promised myself I would not make another cut for at least three months prior to Jordy passing.  It hasn't been two months yet so I have more stabilizing to go.  I do feel like my nervous system is settling down this week and that is good thing. 

 

Thank you for the hug!

[Happy2Heal]

glad that your nervous system is settling for you, yes probably good to hold for now

 

aww that's great you were able to spend some time with those dogs ❤️

 

there's something so pure about an animals love

 

[Hibari]

23 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

glad that your nervous system is settling for you, yes probably good to hold for now

 

aww that's great you were able to spend some time with those dogs ❤️

 

there's something so pure about an animals love

 

Very true about the love of animals.   

 

Yes, I have no choice but to hold at this point.  

[Hibari]

Still deeply grieving my dog Jordy's passing and doing something I have not done in the past, which is to let myself cry as much as I want to.   Sometimes it worries me that it's too much but I am trying to go with it.

 

When my mom died, I just kept going with my life.  I felt sad but I just kept doing things as if all I had to do was tuck her death and my sorrow a back pocket in my life.  While I did things to care for myself, took a meditation class, acupuncture, etc,  there was still this push inside to "do", when what I really needed to do was stop.  Because I didn't and I was also exhausted from the care-taking, I feel into a deep depression with a lot of anxiety and that overtook any grief that needed to come out.  Then I went on meds and that stopped my free fall into depression until I realized I was a walking zombie.  Then came wd and we all know that journey. . 

 

Now, with this loss, lots of letting go is happening.  Not all of it is bad but there is definitely a mourning for lots of things.   This could have some "emotional spiral' stuff in there because of my nervous system but as I let out the emotions and then turn to other things, I feel okay.

 

My wd symptoms right now are mainly the morning medication hangover and cortisol spike.  Still sweating during the night and at times during the day.  I feel vulnerable today as we are getting ready to head back to the city after 2 weeks away and it's reminding me of the last time we left, which is when Jordy passed unexpectedly.  I also did a little swimming yesterday and yard work and it feels like it was too much.  Funny, I could walk my dog for 30 or 40 mins sometimes twice a day and did not feel taxed.  I guess it's a different kind of movement. 

 

I feel more wd stable then in July and I want to acknowledge that.  It will be such a relief once I am off meds and more healed to wake up in the morning without having to fight through the sticky wd energy. 

 

 

[Carmie]

On 8/12/2018 at 2:34 AM, Hibari said:

Thank you Carmie, I appreciate your support.  Animals are part of the family and yesterday I spent some time with two black dogs who were just wonderful.  I feel sad today but am so glad I got to pet them and interact with them.   I love dogs and all they offer.  

 

Yes, I am committed to holding and had promised myself I would not make another cut for at least three months prior to Jordy passing.  It hasn't been two months yet so I have more stabilizing to go.  I do feel like my nervous system is settling down this week and that is good thing. 

 

Thank you for the hug!

 

 

Hi Hibari, 

 

Just read your update as well. I’m so sorry you’re still grieving the loss of your dog Jordy. It’s heartbreaking when we lose our pets. 

 

I can’t even watch animal movies where the animal dies without bawling my eyes out. Even if I’ve seen the movie before I still end up crying. 

 

Im glad to hear that you’re more withdrawal stable though. That’s wonderful news. 

 

Sending you bug, big hugs🤗🤗🤗

 

[Carmie]

On 8/12/2018 at 2:34 AM, Hibari said:

Thank you Carmie, I appreciate your support.  Animals are part of the family and yesterday I spent some time with two black dogs who were just wonderful.  I feel sad today but am so glad I got to pet them and interact with them.   I love dogs and all they offer.  

 

Yes, I am committed to holding and had promised myself I would not make another cut for at least three months prior to Jordy passing.  It hasn't been two months yet so I have more stabilizing to go.  I do feel like my nervous system is settling down this week and that is good thing. 

 

Thank you for the hug!

 

 

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im so glad you had fun with the dogs. Yes, it takes quite a long time to get over a beloved dog. Again, I’m very sorry you are going through this. It certainly would ramp up your withdrawals too. I’m glad that your nervous system is settling down, you’re doing well in holding.

 

Take care💚

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

 

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im so glad you had fun with the dogs. Yes, it takes quite a long time to get over a beloved dog. Again, I’m very sorry you are going through this. It certainly would ramp up your withdrawals too. I’m glad that your nervous system is settling down, you’re doing well in holding.

 

Take care💚

So as life would have it, I'm very anxious today.  I can feel that my nervous system is just reacting and for me, I feel fear when this happens.  It makes me feel that I am so far from getting of my meds and that I won't experience the kind of health I want.  I know my grief and tears have affected my system but there is nothing I can do to stop these deep feelings.  I have to let this mourning run it's course.  

 

I'm going to run some errands and then work a bit this afternoon, which usually helps. 

 

It's funny,  my non SA friends think I am so close to getting off meds at 8.8mgs.  But everyone here knows there is a much longer length of time to get there.   Just feeling the anxiety of that today along with everything else. 

[Hibari]

Hi,

 

I am in need of some moderator help.  

 

I am considering up dosing my medication from 8.8 to 10mgs (which would require no measuring-just two 5 mgs tablets).  The reason is that my nervous system has experienced two shocks lately.  One, my dog passed unexpectedly as I have shared here.  It has been awful but I did have some days of my nervous system feeling settling.  Now, I have found out yesterday that my husband has a tumor that will be operated on next week.  The prognosis is good but my capacity to care for him is way down.   I am extremely shaky, nauseous and panicky inside.   I can't relax and feel so scared about my health, it's overwhelming.  

 

It's been two months since my last cut and I was planning to hold for a long while anyway.  But I don't feel well and fear my ability to function. 

 

Is going up that amount after two months a possibility?  I know you can't predict what might happen but I am looking at it more as a starting point. 

 

Thank you. 

[Carmie]

21 hours ago, Hibari said:

So as life would have it, I'm very anxious today.  I can feel that my nervous system is just reacting and for me, I feel fear when this happens.  It makes me feel that I am so far from getting of my meds and that I won't experience the kind of health I want.  I know my grief and tears have affected my system but there is nothing I can do to stop these deep feelings.  I have to let this mourning run it's course.  

 

I'm going to run some errands and then work a bit this afternoon, which usually helps. 

 

It's funny,  my non SA friends think I am so close to getting off meds at 8.8mgs.  But everyone here knows there is a much longer length of time to get there.   Just feeling the anxiety of that today along with everything else. 

 

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im sorry you are having an anxious n fearful day. Yes, we certainly have to mourn, but then we have to pick ourselves up n keep going. We have no other choice. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one minute at a time. 

 

Yes, friends don’t understand how long it can take to get off meds. It will take me another ten years or more to get off 7.5mg as I can only taper by tiny doses. 

 

I hope doing some errands n work was a good distraction for you. All we can do in this journey is to keep on finding distractions.

 

Take care💚

 

 

[Carmie]

P.s. I just saw what you posted just now. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, but I’m glad the outcome will be good. It’s hard when you have extra stresses while going through withdrawals.

 

I have lots of stress in my life too. We can just take a moment at a time.

 

Thinking of you💚🤔

[FarmGirlWorks]

@Hibari: those are definitely shocks to your system. Sending good thoughts and wishes your way.

[brassmonkey]

Hi Hibari--  I'm so sorry to hear about the big problems cropping up.  Either one of them would be enough to really throw things off for a while, but both combined, that's tough to handle.  I don't think increasing your dose will help any, in fact it will probably cause even more problems.  You've been at this dose for a while now and you body is getting use to being there.  If you increase the dose it will just confuse your body even more and cause more impairment when you want to be sharp.  I would do an extended hold until life settles down a bit and then consider restarting your taper.

 

I hope DHs surgery goes well.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Frogie]

Hibari:

 

I just read about your husband. I am so sorry.

 

I wanted to let you know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi Hibari--  I'm so sorry to hear about the big problems cropping up.  Either one of them would be enough to really throw things off for a while, but both combined, that's tough to handle.  I don't think increasing your dose will help any, in fact it will probably cause even more problems.  You've been at this dose for a while now and you body is getting use to being there.  If you increase the dose it will just confuse your body even more and cause more impairment when you want to be sharp.  I would do an extended hold until life settles down a bit and then consider restarting your taper.

 

I hope DHs surgery goes well.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 

Brass

Thank you Brass. So even though I feel so terrible at this time and feel like I've slipped back, staying put is the best way?  I know you are only offering your perspective but I trust your perspective.  This is really a very hellish place to be right now. Though my mind is pretty rational, my body is responding as if I am the most heightened state of fear and anxiety I experienced in a while.  I can't sleep or rest and feel a lot of worry about stabilizing.  

 

I also am going to post something on the digital scale thread.  

[Hibari]

40 minutes ago, Frogie said:

Hibari:

 

I just read about your husband. I am so sorry.

 

I wanted to let you know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thank you Frogie.  I feel so badly that I'm not strong right now.  My husband had to stay with me today because of my acute anxiety. I want to be there for him.  

[Frogie]

1 minute ago, Hibari said:

Thank you Frogie.  I feel so badly that I'm not strong right now.  My husband had to stay with me today because of my acute anxiety. I want to be there for him.  

You are stronger than you think when it comes to things like this.

 

You just found this out yesterday. At least the prognosis is good.

 

Your body is just reacting to everything right now. You will be ok as soon as your body "settles down".

 

((((HUGS))))

 

Frogie xx

[Hibari]

Just now, Frogie said:

You are stronger than you think when it comes to things like this.

 

You just found this out yesterday. At least the prognosis is good.

 

Your body is just reacting to everything right now. You will be ok as soon as your body "settles down".

 

((((HUGS))))

 

Frogie xx

God bless you Frogie, I need to borrow your faith that my body will settle down. 

[Frogie]

Just now, Hibari said:

God bless you Frogie, I need to borrow your faith that my body will settle down. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

I'm hoping your body will settle down.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Hibari]

7 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

@Hibari: those are definitely shocks to your system. Sending good thoughts and wishes your way.

Thank you so much. 

[Hibari]

Got some sleep last night, felt okay for a few hours  but am struggling again today with nausea, lack of appetite, foggy head and real fear.  Have worked a little bit to keep the focus off my self but am very scared right now. So tired and yet anxious.  Going to try and rest but it's hard.  

 

I know there is no way around this but I wish there was.  

[Hibari]

On 8/21/2018 at 8:21 AM, Carmie said:

 

Hi Hibari, 

 

Im sorry you are having an anxious n fearful day. Yes, we certainly have to mourn, but then we have to pick ourselves up n keep going. We have no other choice. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one minute at a time. 

 

Yes, friends don’t understand how long it can take to get off meds. It will take me another ten years or more to get off 7.5mg as I can only taper by tiny doses. 

 

I hope doing some errands n work was a good distraction for you. All we can do in this journey is to keep on finding distractions.

 

Take care💚

 

 

Hi Carmie,  I so understand having to go slowly.  I am in the same boat now but I there is no other way for me.    I can only taper in tiny does too going forward and now I am have to hold for a time before I can start tapering again.  

 

Working has always helped me change my focus but I have to be really careful now in how I schedule people.   I have made the decision that as much as I am able, all work has to be in the afternoon when I am usually more functional. 

[Hibari]

So things continue to be tough for me on the physical level along with some despair about feeling so sick.

 

Currently my mornings into afternoons are awful, nausea, cloudy head, no appetite, trembling and constant fear.

 

There is a little relief as the afternoon arrives but the past few days not such a big relief.   I am getting some sleep and taking L-Theanine to help me relax.  I also take it during the day when I feel panicky.

 

I did change how I take my medication about 2 days ago.  Moved to chopping up the medication into a powder and then weighing it.  It's hard to get the powder into a gel cap so I just pour it into my mouth and then take an additional 5mg pill. 

 

I'm hoping that the fact I can sleep somewhat and the fact that I have some hours in the day that are okay is a good sign.  I know now I am in protracted wd and holding is the only way to go even though my faith is not strong at this time. 

[Merrymary]

Hi Hibari, 

 

I have been following your tread for the last six months...I am sorry you are feeling bad...tapering is so hard.

 

I am tapering klonopin, down to 0,6  and  I have started to taper very slowly mirtazapine in april. Down to 5,8 from 7,5.

 

I know I shouldn't be tapering both...but Mirtazapine makes me feel like a zombie...and every morning I am non fonctional because I feel so drugged when I wake up...Does the drugged feeling lessened and at what dosage? 

 

Hope you feel better soon!

[Merrymary]

Ho yes, and also...I can't nap...is this normal and as I go down I will be able to nap again?