pug Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I have had a brief window yesterday that I hope will continue in some fashion today. The relief is so great I was nearly in tears; and it wasn't like I was suddenly healed, it was just that my symptoms reduced about 50% for a time. If I could just have that on a consistent basis for a few days a week, I would be overjoyed. One thing is the difference in my mind and thinking while in a nasty wave compared to a window of lesser symptoms. In a wave all is lost, my world is compressed into a tiny ball of just me feeling like hell and trying to figure out how to get some relief; what I can do to feel even 1% better, I am completely absorbed in all of my suffering. When a small window of any kind appears; I suddenly see the world again as if for the first time in so long that I can barely take it all in. I no longer focus so much on my symptoms, I start thinking about life again and even have some hope and optimism, and the relief is just not explainable to someone who has not experienced it. The other thing that is so profound is that the feeling of being in a wave and then suddenly moving into a window is like a light switch being flipped on. One moment I am suffering in a wave with severe symptoms; struggling just to maintain control of the present moment; and then just like that, I am suddenly seeing the world again with new eyes. It is really very overwhelming. My family commented on it yesterday; that they could see it in my face and eyes the moment when I suddenly started to feel better, it was that obvious. I wonder if it is like this for others here? Wishing all here a window as soon as possible, and may our windows last long enough to give us strength to continue this journey of healing. 1 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Yes, when I was having windows, it was like that for me too..a light switch going on 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 27, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 27, 2015 Pug, That is so awesome to hear! I'm very happy you had that window into your future. Just stick with it and you will continue to heal! Keep us posted with what I hope is more good news as it keeps flowing. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
pug Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you both so much for the encouragement! I am still feeling better today after some challenges this morning. I am so thankful for this relief, and hoping for continued healing and maybe a sizeable window for which I would be eternally grateful for. My strongest wish for all here to experience some relief of symptoms and a prolonged window. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
luv2knit Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Pug, thank you for stopping by my thread. I agree with what others have said that 8 months out can be pretty rough. I think it is very encouraging, though, that you are able to work and jog--and that you are having windows!! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 31, 2015 I think it is very encouraging, though, that you are able to work and jog--and that you are having windows!! I agree with what Luv says above! Very encouraging! How are you today, Pug? Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
pug Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Andy, I am at once thankful beyond words and scared of relapse into a wave. This window has lasted for 5 days of greatly reduced intensity of symptoms. I still have symptoms but they have become less severe. My sleep has improved, my cognition has improved, and I am feeling much more like myself! I have no idea what brought about this window, but it feels awesome. I am trying to enjoy it to the fullest but yet the thought of the wave I just came out of has me holding back on celebrating too much. I am trying to be hopeful yet realistic. Whatever happens I am so, so grateful to have this window (and I hope it continues). Thank you for asking my friend. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
clearday Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 In a wave all is lost, my world is compressed into a tiny ball of just me feeling like hell and trying to figure out how to get some relief; what I can do to feel even 1% better, I am completely absorbed in all of my suffering. When a small window of any kind appears; I suddenly see the world again as if for the first time in so long that I can barely take it all in. I no longer focus so much on my symptoms, I start thinking about life again and even have some hope and optimism, and the relief is just not explainable to someone who has not experienced it. The other thing that is so profound is that the feeling of being in a wave and then suddenly moving into a window is like a light switch being flipped on. One moment I am suffering in a wave with severe symptoms; struggling just to maintain control of the present moment; and then just like that, I am suddenly seeing the world again with new eyes. It is really very overwhelming. My family commented on it yesterday; that they could see it in my face and eyes the moment when I suddenly started to feel better, it was that obvious. I wonder if it is like this for others here? I like what you wrote. Yes, it is the same for me, except for the light switch. Sometimes it is like a light switch. But usually I am in a window for a day or two and I realize "Ok, this is a window". I then start counting the days. My longest was a ten day window and an eight day window. Eventually I feel symptoms creep back. Then, over a day or two, I realize, "Ok, I am back in wave". It is very strange, the slow transition for me between windows and waves. One thing is for sure, I know when I am in a window, and I know when I am in a wave. During windows, I often forget that I am sick, because I feel so much more normal. I am full of hope because I see that my body can work just fine, and I know eventually I will feel better more often. During waves, I often forget that I will get better, because I feel so lousy and disheartened. I recently printed out a one-page 2015 calendar and filled in the days that I had windows in blue. I was surprised to see how much blue there was over the last few months. I forgot how many great windows I have had. I keep it on my desk, because it shows me that more windows are surely on the way. Happy to hear of your window ! 1 Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Hi Pug, thank you for stopping by on my thread and for your support, I really appreciate it. I also did CT twice - in February and in April. I'm so pleased to read that you have windows! That's a great sign and means you are healing. You will have many more and longer ones in the future. You have every reason to remain hopeful. Wish you peace and healing my friend I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 1, 2015 Pug, That is absolutely awesome. Don't live in fear of the waves. Live with the expectation that the window is open from here on out. Whatever you are doing, keep on doing it. My best for continued calm. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus WiggleIt Posted August 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 1, 2015 Yay for the well-windowed Pug! Thank you for the lovely message you wrote on my wall. I'm so glad you could go into month 10 with a window as a feather in your cap! I pray that the windows open further and stay open longer and longer.You deserve such good things. You never fail to put all the support you can behind everyone else, no matter how rough you have it. You deserve all the blessings. *I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience **Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014 -All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness. It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage. All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors -Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine -Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey) -Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011 -Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less) -Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week -Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs -First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened -Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD. Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed. NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it. -Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned -Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia -Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat -Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged -7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus WiggleIt Posted August 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 2, 2015 Pug, I think I got you mixed up with another Pug. Are there two Pugs on SA??? *I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience **Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014 -All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness. It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage. All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors -Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine -Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey) -Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011 -Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less) -Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week -Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs -First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened -Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD. Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed. NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it. -Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned -Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia -Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat -Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged -7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus WiggleIt Posted August 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 2, 2015 But I'm STILL happy for your window!!!!! *I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience **Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014 -All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness. It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage. All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors -Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine -Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey) -Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011 -Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less) -Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week -Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs -First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened -Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD. Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed. NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it. -Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned -Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia -Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat -Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged -7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'm the Pug that doesn't get windows. Congrats on yours, Pug. Hope it stays open forever. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Knaster Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Great to hear about a long window! Hope you have more. * 2000: Diagnosed with depression after separation. Venlafaxine 150 mg. * 2001 - 2010: Continued taking Venlafaxine 150 mg out of habit. * 2010 - 2013: Several failed attempts to discontinue, caused anxiety, depression, no sleep, mood swings. * April 2014: New attempt to do a slow and proper taper from 150 mg. * March 2015: Down to 30 mg Venlafaxine. Anxiety is present but mostly manageable. Getting myself addicted to benzos again. * May 2015: Bridging to liquid Fluoxetine during 1 month. Fatigue introduced to the mix. * June 2015: On 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid, equals 40 mg Venlafaxine) and about 1 mg Diazepam daily. * July 2015: 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid). Tapering the Diazepam. Fatigue, anxiety mood swings, memory loss. Sleep is good. * August 2015: Off the benzo. Stable on the Fluoxetine. * Current withdrawal status (August 2015): Almost no issues. Minor mood swings and memory loss and bad stomach. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9387-knaster-fight-fight-fight/ Link to comment
pug Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Well my window closed at 5 days, I had a 1.5 day wave, a 1/2 day window, and I am back in a wave. I am not sure what to make of this, but I am holding on to hope that my brain and central nervous system are getting closer to getting things sorted out, and that more windows will be headed my way; or even just lest severe waves would be so very nice. Thank you to everyone for your support and encoragement, it means a great deal to me. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm hoping for less severe waves or another beautiful window for you in the future. I experience the same pattern. I've also had 20 + yrs on antidepressants and then C/T. Take care Pug. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
pug Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 AliG thank you for the kind words and encouragement, they really help. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
pug Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Wow, never a dull moment as symptoms come and go, and change with no rhyme or reason. Starting yesterday and continuing today I have "floaty boat head" where my head feels "out there" and I can barely put 2 thoughts together. This makes it very hard to do work or handle any challenges. I hope this passes quickly, I need to be able to think and reason. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
pug Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 A question: Do you think I am still in withdrawal from the 20+ years of Zoloft that I ct in March 2014, or from the 3.5 months of Prozac that I ct in November 2014, or both? Thank you for the help! 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Both? I think I heard someone on here say it may be two withdrawals but it's happening in the same nervous system 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
pug Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thank you LoveandLight. I am not sure exactly where I am at with withdrawal as far as timeline with each medication. I am counting time from when I quit the Prozac since it was the last antidepressant that I took but I don't doubt that the discontinuation of the Zoloft is also having some affect; so I would be 16 months off of the Zoloft and 8 months off of the Prozac. Does anyone else have any opinions on my situation? Thank you. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
clearday Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thank you LoveandLight. I am not sure exactly where I am at with withdrawal as far as timeline with each medication. I am counting time from when I quit the Prozac since it was the last antidepressant that I took but I don't doubt that the discontinuation of the Zoloft is also having some affect; so I would be 16 months off of the Zoloft and 8 months off of the Prozac. Does anyone else have any opinions on my situation? Thank you. I've been through two separate bouts of protracted withdrawal. One was from Prozac years ago, and now from Lexapro - My guess is that you are still in protracted withdrawal from the Zoloft - I don't know how four months of Prozac fits into that, it's hard to to tell. The Prozac may have suspended your Zoloft withdrawal for awhile, but your body adjusted to life on Prozac too. Reading your first post shows that Prozac aggravated the Zoloft withdrawal but then helped a little. Then it seems you pooped out, and your body became sensitized to the Prozac as well. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 5, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 5, 2015 Thank you LoveandLight. I am not sure exactly where I am at with withdrawal as far as timeline with each medication. I am counting time from when I quit the Prozac since it was the last antidepressant that I took but I don't doubt that the discontinuation of the Zoloft is also having some affect; so I would be 16 months off of the Zoloft and 8 months off of the Prozac. Does anyone else have any opinions on my situation? Thank you. Pug, Sorry you aren't feeling as well as you were, but at least you have a knowledge of how you will feel. As far as what your withdrawal is from (Zoloft or Prozac), unless you are planning to reinstate, to be direct, who cares? I mean other than putting a "number" on it in terms of how many months off you are and "it should take..." which only sets expectations in what I consider a "bad" way, you are in w'd from something and you have a certain constellation of symptoms to deal with. Tending to your self-care and taking whatever steps you need to limit the suffering seems universal to whichever drug is causing you the angst. I wouldn't really worry about it unless I am missing something. Feel better my friend, Andy 1 Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
pug Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Clearday, thank you for the thoughts I appreciate you taking the time to help me. Andy, you are correct. I am feeling poorly and grasping for some reassurance as I struggle with withdrawal. I am trying to figure out my job situation since the renewal of symptoms has put in jeopardy once again. I need to put a plan together to inform my employer, claim FMLA, come up with some other idea, or get prepared in case I loose it. Thank you for your help, it is greatly appreciated! 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 5, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 5, 2015 I am feeling poorly and grasping for some reassurance as I struggle with withdrawal. I am trying to figure out my job situation since the renewal of symptoms has put in jeopardy once again. I need to put a plan together to inform my employer, claim FMLA, come up with some other idea, or get prepared in case I loose it. Thank you for your help, it is greatly appreciated! Pug, My reassurance to you would be that you had a window and, therefore, given the way this stuff works, you will have another. Of course, neither I nor anyone else can predict when that will be and when they will be close enough together that you are "healed." You are wise to make contingency plans, however, I think it important not to push the button on them too soon and to launch them if and only if you are no longer able to perform your job sufficiently to hold onto it or if you feel that working is significantly and adversely impacting your ability to recover. Getting consumed with the notion of "losing it" is not going to be in your best interests as it will have you cataloguing each symptom as if it is a harbinger of your demise. In reality, symptoms will wax and wane because that is what happens. In short, Pug, I think it is good to have a "Plan B," "escape hatch", "back door" (pick your cliché), but I wouldn't want to see you focused so completely on the alternatives that they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. As always, just my opinion. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
pug Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Andy, Thank you for the wise council; it is great to have help when my brain is not working! 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 6, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 6, 2015 Andy, Thank you for the wise council; it is great to have help when my brain is not working! Happy to do so, Pug. How are you today? Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
AliG Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Pug, Thank you for your encouraging words on my thread. I appreciate your support. I can understand your confusion as to what drug you're withdrawing from. I would guess mainly the Zoloft, but exacerbated by the prozac as well. I'm in the same boat not quite knowing . I suppose it just helps to have a general idea of the time frame you're looking at in terms of how long it has taken others to get relief from various symptoms. I guess we heal in our own time at our own pace. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
pug Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 Hi Andy, The last few days have been a mixture of symptoms coming and going with some quasi-windows of some relief. Two evenings ago I had a window in the evening that was a great joy to experience; all symptoms dropped away and I felt like normal for a few precious hours. My cognition has improved a bit the last few days as well as sleep being a bit better. Anxiety is still high, along with nausea, tinnitus, leg muscle sensations of tightness and soreness, fearful thoughts, moodiness, and general overall mental and physical discomfort. A mixed bag for sure. I am hopeful that the amount of change and variability of symptoms are indicative of more healing and hopefully more windows. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 7, 2015 Hi Andy, The last few days have been a mixture of symptoms coming and going with some quasi-windows of some relief. Two evenings ago I had a window in the evening that was a great joy to experience; all symptoms dropped away and I felt like normal for a few precious hours. My cognition has improved a bit the last few days as well as sleep being a bit better. Anxiety is still high, along with nausea, tinnitus, leg muscle sensations of tightness and soreness, fearful thoughts, moodiness, and general overall mental and physical discomfort. A mixed bag for sure. I am hopeful that the amount of change a variability of symptoms are indicative of more healing and hopefully more windows. Great timing, Pug. I was about to post to you on my thread (thanks for the visit) and now can post here instead. Overall, that update is awesome! You are really having a lot of windows and smaller windows that are showing up. I know there is a lot of discomfort during the "other" times, but the fact that you are having so many windows is a sign of true healing. You will continue upward and onward. I'm sure of it! Hang in there, my friend. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
pug Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hi Everyone, My quasi-window continued over the weekend; with symptoms still reduced to a tolerable level that let me function better. I have been hit with a wave of extreme fatigue and lack of motivation, but I am working through it. I have been in this reduced symptoms window for 4 days now, and I am hopeful it will continue. I still have my symptoms, but they are manageable for the most part, and it is a relief. On another note, my psychologist no longer believes me when I talk about being in withdrawal, they are sure, "Something else" is going on. I will stop seeing them, as now I can no longer trust them if they don't believe what I say. It makes me very thankful for all of you who understand and share this process; it helps to reassure me that I am not crazy or making this up. Thank you all!! 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Knaster Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Sad to hear that you lost the trust in your psychologist but I think you're doing the right thing to find another therapist. Trust is key. * 2000: Diagnosed with depression after separation. Venlafaxine 150 mg. * 2001 - 2010: Continued taking Venlafaxine 150 mg out of habit. * 2010 - 2013: Several failed attempts to discontinue, caused anxiety, depression, no sleep, mood swings. * April 2014: New attempt to do a slow and proper taper from 150 mg. * March 2015: Down to 30 mg Venlafaxine. Anxiety is present but mostly manageable. Getting myself addicted to benzos again. * May 2015: Bridging to liquid Fluoxetine during 1 month. Fatigue introduced to the mix. * June 2015: On 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid, equals 40 mg Venlafaxine) and about 1 mg Diazepam daily. * July 2015: 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid). Tapering the Diazepam. Fatigue, anxiety mood swings, memory loss. Sleep is good. * August 2015: Off the benzo. Stable on the Fluoxetine. * Current withdrawal status (August 2015): Almost no issues. Minor mood swings and memory loss and bad stomach. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9387-knaster-fight-fight-fight/ Link to comment
pug Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Knaster, You are right, trust is the key. It is sad to be marginalized by the medical community, but thankfully we all have each other to help us through this challenging process. I know I would have never made it this far without this forum and the good people who are members here. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
pug Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 I love this quote from Loss Leader in his success story, it keeps me going when I need inspiration: "And all I have to say to anyone who's currently going through long-term, heavy withdrawal symptoms: just hang on. You don't have to do anything... just hang on. So long as you don't let it beat you, in the end this stuff will just melt away. It really will. There'll be a bit of mental "tidying up" to do afterwards, as though a hurricane has passed through your house. But you'll be so glad you survived, so glad to see the blue skies again, you won't care too much about that. If it ever seems like everything's hopeless... well, it's not. It's really not. Honestly, it's simple as that." http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3523-success-recovery-from-protracted-zoloft-withdrawal-and-pssd/ 1 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 11, 2015 Pug. Great quote! Really inspirational! Glad you are having some good feelings these days. Hope that window lasts, pal. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
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