Frogie: how to taper off Lexapro and Xanax?

[Survivor1]

Glad to hear you have a plan.  For me, sleep is still messed up because I reduced my drugs too quickly 

[Frogie]

6 minutes ago, Survivor1 said:

Glad to hear you have a plan.  For me, sleep is still messed up because I reduced my drugs too quickly 

•  

Sorry to hear that. I thought it was because of the magnesium making your body jerk you awake. 

 

I hope you you can get some sleep. You deserve it!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

Well...

 

I got really nauseous on my Xanax taper. I think it was too much with my Lexapro taper. But I was doing what the dr said so I could keep my meds.

 

I called the dr this morning and explained everything to him. I told him I can't be sick all the time. That I can't do 2 meds at the same time. Lexapro was bad enough for me.

 

So, after begging, he agreed to let me stop my Xanax taper as long as I continued with my Lexapro taper and I agreed with that.

 

What a relief.

 

Thanks everyone that stood beside me. I really appreciate it.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[direstraits]

glad your Dr. is cooperating with you on the taper.

hope you feel better soon.

 

hugs,ds

xx

[Frogie]

5 minutes ago, direstraits said:

glad your Dr. is cooperating with you on the taper.

hope you feel better soon.

 

hugs,ds

xx

Thanks.

I hope the nausea goes away now.

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Shep]

On 3/15/2018 at 3:43 PM, Frogie said:

P.S. Will it be horrible tapering both Lexapro and Xanax at the same time? I'm just nervous. I don't want to be one that is in WD for years and years. I feel so bad for them.

 

Forgie, first, I'm glad your doctor is going to allow your to finish out your AD taper before you start your benzo taper. However, I wanted to go back to this earlier post because I suspect that part of your nausea is due to your anxiety and fear. This video explains how and why and what you can do to help: 

 

How to Stop an Anxious Stomach video (4.5 minutes)

NOTE: at the end of the video, they are selling CDs, but you can get a lot of what they're hawking for free online. 

 

As the video mentions, taking breaks to do breathing exercises can help. Here is a great one to use during withdrawal:

 

4-7-8 Breathing: Health Benefits & Demonstration

 

Yoga is also mentioned. This is extremely important, especially for people coming off of benzos because they are muscle relaxers. There are some great exercises listed on this website written by someone who came off a very large cocktail of psych drugs.

 

Beyond Meds - Yoga archives

 

If these look to complicated, start out with this simple legs-up-the-wall pose. Very, very relaxing:

 

Legs Up The Wall - Foundations of Yoga video (7 minutes)

 

Controlling your reactions is another way of handling anxiety and stress. These are great links about this: 

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

 

Neuro-emotion

 

Another technique is to listen to a guided relaxation video a day. I would recommend starting out with a very short body scan and / or a meditation on letting go of intrusive thoughts. Here are two to start out with:

 

5 Minute Guided Body Scan Meditation For Beginners video (5 minutes)

 

Guided Meditation Overthinking before sleep video (21 minutes)

 

You wrote "I don't want to be one that is in WD for years and years". The best thing you can do is to arm yourself with these types of skills so that you'll have what you need to handle the symptoms.

 

And likely, if you do the following, you'll start to see some relief from the nausea and other symptoms. 

• use the breathing technique video several times a day
• add a short gentle yoga video in every day
• do one or more guided meditations a day
• learn how to under-react to stress (see the Dealing with Emotional Spirals and the neuro-emotion links)

Learning these techniques is a process that doesn't happen overnight, so I would get going on this sooner rather than later. 

 

It's concerning that you are reaching out to moderators with every little problem instead of becoming more self reliant. Part of the journey of coming off psych drugs -- especially for long term, high dose benzo users -- is learning how to handle your stress and anxiety without these drugs. Moderators can't do that for you. All we can do is give you the tools to learn so you can help yourself. 

Edited March 17, 2018 by Shep
fixed broken link

[Frogie]

40 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Forgie, first, I'm glad your doctor is going to allow your to finish out your AD taper before you start your benzo taper. However, I wanted to go back to this earlier post because I suspect that part of your nausea is due to your anxiety and fear. This video explains how and why and what you can do to help: 

 

How to Stop an Anxious Stomach video (4.5 minutes)

NOTE: at the end of the video, they are selling CDs, but you can get a lot of what they're hawking for free online. 

 

As the video mentions, taking breaks to do breathing exercises can help. Here is a great one to use during withdrawal:

 

4-7-8 Breathing: Health Benefits & Demonstration

 

Yoga is also mentioned. This is extremely important, especially for people coming off of benzos because they are muscle relaxers. There are some great exercises listed on this website written by someone who came off a very large cocktail of psych drugs.

 

Beyond Meds - Yoga archives

 

If these look to complicated, start out with this simple legs-up-the-wall pose. Very, very relaxing:

 

Legs Up The Wall - Foundations of Yoga video (7 minutes)

 

Controlling your reactions is another way of handling anxiety and stress. These are great links about this: 

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

 

Neuro-emotion

 

Another technique is to listen to a guided relaxation video a day. I would recommend starting out with a very short body scan and / or a meditation on letting go of intrusive thoughts. Here are two to start out with:

 

5 Minute Guided Body Scan Meditation For Beginners video (5 minutes)

 

Guided Meditation Overthinking before sleep video (21 minutes)

 

You wrote "I don't want to be one that is in WD for years and years". The best thing you can do is to arm yourself with these types of skills so that you'll have what you need to handle the symptoms.

 

And likely, if you do the following, you'll start to see some relief from the nausea and other symptoms. 

• use the breathing technique video several times a day
• add a short gentle yoga video in every day
• do one or more guided meditations a day
• learn how to under-react to stress (see the Dealing with Emotional Spirals and the neuro-emotion links)

Learning these techniques is a process that doesn't happen overnight, so I would get going on this sooner rather than later. 

 

It's concerning that you are reaching out to moderators with every little problem instead of becoming more self reliant. Part of the journey of coming off psych drugs -- especially for long term, high dose benzo users -- is learning how to handle your stress and anxiety without these drugs. Moderators can't do that for you. All we can do is give you the tools to learn so you can help yourself. 

Shep:

 

I will read this. I'm also glad that the dr gave in, after almost begging him to let me stop so I wouldn't be sick all the time. I can't handle that again. Did it with my Lexapro for a long time.

 

I will ill be back to the Benzo site when I'm done with the Lexapro.

 

I am stupid, and ask too many questions to the mods. I will stop. I just see other people do it. So I will be mindful before asking any questions. I wasn't thinking because I didn't feel well.

 

I hope  you can forgive me for that. 

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[ChessieCat]

1 minute ago, Frogie said:

I am stupid,

 

You are not stupid.  You panic when you aren't feeling well and your automatic reaction is to try and get help.  That is understandable, however it's has become a habit which you need to break.  It is important to learn to stop and use a non drug coping tool.

 

Something that my daughter suggested during a time when she knew I might have difficulty coping was to stop and check in with myself throughout the day to see how I was feeling.  Because I knew I would forget to do this I set a timer to remind myself.  What was good about doing this was the I was able to nip things in the bud instead of letting them get bad and then having to cope with that.

 

It does take time and practice but using non drug coping techniques does become second nature, or a new habit, a good habit.  I have found that after using the above technique that I now use it all the time and I am able to notice things much more quickly.

 

My suggestion is to start trying the Non-drug techniques to cope.  Think of it as exercise for your CNS.  Write down a list of the ones that you are interested in and then set a timer throughout the day and try them.  Make a note next to the ones you try, did you like doing it, did it help, in what way did it help or vice versa.  Once you've found some that are helpful, write them out on a card with a note next to them about when to use them or the other way around, have a card for each of the symptoms you are having difficulty with and write down which techniques you can use to help yourself.

 

But remember, it only works if you learn it and you use it.

 

You might find some of these helpful:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...
 

Video:  Relaxing Calm - Progressive Muscle Relaxation - with music (15 minutes)
 

Video:  Relaxing Rolldown - quick relaxation exercise with music (4 minutes)

 

[Frogie]

8 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

You are not stupid.  You panic when you aren't feeling well and your automatic reaction is to try and get help.  That is understandable, however it's has become a habit which you need to break.  It is important to learn to stop and use a non drug coping tool.

 

Something that my daughter suggested during a time when she knew I might have difficulty coping was to stop and check in with myself throughout the day to see how I was feeling.  Because I knew I would forget to do this I set a timer to remind myself.  What was good about doing this was the I was able to nip things in the bud instead of letting them get bad and then having to cope with that.

 

It does take time and practice but using non drug coping techniques does become second nature, or a new habit, a good habit.  I have found that after using the above technique that I now use it all the time and I am able to notice things much more quickly.

 

My suggestion is to start trying the Non-drug techniques to cope.  Think of it as exercise for your CNS.  Write down a list of the ones that you are interested in and then set a timer throughout the day and try them.  Make a note next to the ones you try, did you like doing it, did it help, in what way did it help or vice versa.  Once you've found some that are helpful, write them out on a card with a note next to them about when to use them or the other way around, have a card for each of the symptoms you are having difficulty with and write down which techniques you can use to help yourself.

 

But remember, it only works if you learn it and you use it.

 

You might find some of these helpful:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...
 

Video:  Relaxing Calm - Progressive Muscle Relaxation - with music (15 minutes)
 

Video:  Relaxing Rolldown - quick relaxation exercise with music (4 minutes)

 

Thanks ChessieCat:

 

I will read through the information you gave me. It looks very helpful.

 

I feel,stupid because like you said I panic when I don't feel well. But it's been almost 2 years since I've had this nausea and I guess I wasn't thinking.

 

A lot of times I will post on here for my own benefit, like a journal. I'm keeping track of my symptoms. But I'll stop that also.

 

I'm just going to read articles and leave people alone. i think that will be best for everyone.

 

I apologize for bothering anyone and hope everyone forgives me.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[ChessieCat]

Do you have any hobbies?  Are you able to sew, knit, crochet?  I think colouring in books may have been suggested before.  Jigsaw puzzles, crosswords?

[Frogie]

1 minute ago, ChessieCat said:

Do you have any hobbies?  Are you able to sew, knit, crochet?  I think colouring in books may have been suggested before.  Jigsaw puzzles, crosswords?

I can't crochet or knit because of my disability in my hand. The adult coloring books are too busy for me and I get frustrated. Like I said, I will leave everyone alone and just read self help articles.

 

Once again, I'm sorry.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

May I ask how to remove some of the tags at the top of my page? If someone can tell me how to remove them, I will do it myself. I know that's a low priority.

 

Some of the meds I no longer take.

 

Prilosec, Omeprazole, Zantac, Rantidine.

 

I would greatly appreciate it.

 

Thank you,

Frogie xx

[joy2730]

Hi Frogie

 

You sound down and dispirited at the moment, what happened with your voluntary work, I know you seemed to be doing well and then you were not well and stopped going, then it was Christmas and you never went back.  I think this was a shame, that perhaps you should have kept going when you didn't feel well, or at least went back sooner.  Sometimes people in the flesh, if you don't like them or agree with them, can be therapeutic.  It is important that you don't isolate yourself.  I know you love this board and benefit from it, and that is good, and I suggest you continue with that but also add in something else.

 

It sounds like you have a good doctor.  I always dreaded my doctors suddenly cutting me of from my pills so I never told them I was cutting down in dosage and kept ordering the full amount.  Eventually I had a large supply of pills left, but I felt it was the only way to have some personal control over the situation.  It made me feel better although I suppose it is/was dishonest.  Do you have any counselling services available to you?  They work for some and not for others.  They didn't work for my daughter and I have never had counselling because it used to be thought counselling was dangerous for people diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar, but I guess thinking on that will have changed.  Now I no longer feel I need counselling.

 

Let us all know what you are thinking, and nobody is saying keep away from the board (although I haven't read too far back), but as far as I know.

 

Joy

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, joy2730 said:

Hi Frogie

 

You sound down and dispirited at the moment, what happened with your voluntary work, I know you seemed to be doing well and then you were not well and stopped going, then it was Christmas and you never went back.  I think this was a shame, that perhaps you should have kept going when you didn't feel well, or at least went back sooner.  Sometimes people in the flesh, if you don't like them or agree with them, can be therapeutic.  It is important that you don't isolate yourself.  I know you love this board and benefit from it, and that is good, and I suggest you continue with that but also add in something else.

 

It sounds like you have a good doctor.  I always dreaded my doctors suddenly cutting me of from my pills so I never told them I was cutting down in dosage and kept ordering the full amount.  Eventually I had a large supply of pills left, but I felt it was the only way to have some personal control over the situation.  It made me feel better although I suppose it is/was dishonest.  Do you have any counselling services available to you?  They work for some and not for others.  They didn't work for my daughter and I have never had counselling because it used to be thought counselling was dangerous for people diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar, but I guess thinking on that will have changed.  Now I no longer feel I need counselling.

 

Let us all know what you are thinking, and nobody is saying keep away from the board (although I haven't read too far back), but as far as I know.

 

Joy

Hi Joy:

 

I can't go back to my volunteer job right now. They are having some issues there and don't have volunteers right now.

 

 I'm going to start holding back some of my Xanax like you did. That's a good idea. Then when the dr wants to taper me off again, I'll have some extra for emergencies.

 

I go to counseling, but my therapist isn't available until the 30th of this month. 

 

I'm just going to concentrate on reading self help stuff right now and go on. At least I have my fiancé and Brownie.

 

I hope you are enjoying your new home. How exciting! And your granddaughter. I bet she is growing like a weed.

 

Thanks for stopping by. Made me feel good.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

[Littlegrandma]

Hey Frogie

hows the nausea today? 

You ok?

 

how can you hold back some xanax? Don’t you get just enough to get you through the month?

 

hang in there. Everything is going to be ok!!    xx lg

[Frogie]

Just now, Littlegrandma said:

Hey Frogie

hows the nausea today? 

You ok?

 

how can you hold back some xanax? Don’t you get just enough to get you through the month?

 

hang in there. Everything is going to be ok!!    xx lg

No nausea today, but I'm very jittery.

 

I have always had a prescription for 1mg 4 times a day. But only take 3 a day. So I always have extra that I just put in a bottle. They have always given me an extra one a day for emergencies ever since I started taking it.

 

I don't know if everything is going to be ok, but I'll do my best.

 

Hang in there with the kiddos!

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Littlegrandma]

😘

[Frogie]

2 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

😘

Thanks

[joy2730]

Hi Frogie

 

We haven't moved yet, May 1 has been suggested, there is a lot of arrange and my granddaughter is doing great.  She is 14 months now and about to walk, but not walking yet, and yes she is growing like a weed, but she is in fact quite small for her age.  She is developing well all round though and I love her to bits.  I have started tapering again.

 

I think it is a really good idea to start holding some meds back, Xanax is apparently even more addictive than diazepam, so I have heard, and is that true?  The secret is like all these things, to do it slowly, more slowly than your doctor will allow.  I used to keep a saucer with crumbs of diazepam near the TV and if I felt unwell when withdrawing I would wet my finger and pick up a few crumbs, which did help me.  Talk about being addicted!  But I did get off and like I have said many times before I found it easier than antidepressants.

 

Keep posting Frogie, I follow you, as do others.  Trouble with Xanax and diazepam and the like is that rather than helping with anxiety they can in fact promote it!  I think diazepam made me a lot more anxious.  You could start your own tiny taper of Xanax now and start storing bits of left over meds.

 

Joy

[Frogie]

15 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Hi Frogie

 

We haven't moved yet, May 1 has been suggested, there is a lot of arrange and my granddaughter is doing great.  She is 14 months now and about to walk, but not walking yet, and yes she is growing like a weed, but she is in fact quite small for her age.  She is developing well all round though and I love her to bits.  I have started tapering again.

 

I think it is a really good idea to start holding some meds back, Xanax is apparently even more addictive than diazepam, so I have heard, and is that true?  The secret is like all these things, to do it slowly, more slowly than your doctor will allow.  I used to keep a saucer with crumbs of diazepam near the TV and if I felt unwell when withdrawing I would wet my finger and pick up a few crumbs, which did help me.  Talk about being addicted!  But I did get off and like I have said many times before I found it easier than antidepressants.

 

Keep posting Frogie, I follow you, as do others.  Trouble with Xanax and diazepam and the like is that rather than helping with anxiety they can in fact promote it!  I think diazepam made me a lot more anxious.  You could start your own tiny taper of Xanax now and start storing bits of left over meds.

 

Joy

Joy:

 

My granddaughter got her own phone. And she has called me everyday since she got it. She's something. She wants to come see me but I can't get her mom to call me so we can plan it.

 

I kept all my Xanax crumbs in an empty pill bottle like I was told to do. I never knew I was so addicted until this happened. I didn't have a problem going off diazepam. I'll eventually get off of this horrible stuff. I'm going to concentrate on my Lexapro for now.

 

I wont quit talking. Just write me and I'll write you back.

 

I really appreciate you talking to me and giving me some tips. It really helps!

 

Good luck on the move. I'll be happy to move. Counting the months now lol...

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Rosetta]

Frogie,

 

After the scare you had earlier this week when your doctor said to taper Xanax and the AD at the same time, it is natural that you were feeling bad.  Coming here for support through that was not wrong and was not harmful to others.  In fact, I think it's important that people see the pitfalls of telling doctors they are tapering and prepare for them as best they can.  Having a reserve of Xanax is apparently necessary given that doctors have no idea what is happening in our bodies during WD from ADs.  That is absolutely ridiculous -- that we have to be prepared for the ignorance of our doctors and for the pressures on them from equally ignorant officials.

 

Did you you ever hear the story of the PA (physicians assistant) who tried to get me hooked on Xanax? I was in terrible shape from the Zoloft -- high dose or poop-out or destabilization of CNS, who knows which -- and she, in consultation with the doctor, gave me 1.5 mg per day.  I had been taking 0.5 per day every three days to avoid addiction.  I had run out and was in between insurance policies.  So, I went to a small clinic for the first time with my empty bottle of Xanax and my bottle of Zoloft (150 mg).  The PA didn't ask how much I took or how often.  She didn't try to determine if I was addicted.  She assumed I was addicted because I was so anxious from the effects of the AD on my CNS.  She forced me to sign a contract that I would take the medication as prescribed!!!  I was so upset.  The contract said I couldn't go to another doctor for a prescription.  

 

I understand the idea behind the contract, of course, but the one size fits all medical care we get is dangerous and destructive. (They don't want people to sell their pills, of course.  Neither do I.) I had had an HMO.  I couldn't go back to that clinic again once my insurance was re-instated.  I had to go to the HMO doctor.  The PA knew that, but she was just requiring me to sign a form that everyone is required to sign.  I was just a number to her; not a person.  It's the same for my HMO.  That's how my Zoloft dose got so high.

 

I certainly had no intention of getting addicted to Xanax.  However, if I didn't sign the contract I knew I would have no relief from anxiety for emergencies.  I now know that the high dose of Zoloft had been prescribed to me through malpractice and was making my anxiety much worse.  In fact, the Zoloft put me in this condition we call WD, but you know the story.  Doctors don't believe in WD from ADs.  They believe what the pharmaceutical companies say.  And the pharmaceutical companies don't want people to avoid ADs and benzos.  So, viola!  "There is no AD WD and benzos "aren't that addictive.""  Prescribing benzos is the opposite of what they should do when ADs go wrong.

 

That was the last prescription of Xanax I had, I believe.  It was too dangerous for me to continue if doctors were going to force me to become addicted.  How some of them will look themselves in the mirror when the truth comes out, I don't know.  They will see what I see -- that the facts were there in front of them all along and they deliberately ignored them.  They are in a much better position to connect the dots.

 

Did that distract you a bit?  Give you a little something to think about other than your own troubles?  It seems your doctor has compassion and sees you as a person.  He may not understand the full reasons you are struggling so much, but he seems to understand that benzo addiction is serious and difficult.

 

I don't think the Mods want you to stop posting.  They want you to use the techniques that they give you because they know those are the only solutions. Getting support on this forum isn't enough.  Part of the reason that getting support isn't enough is that you are dependent on others for soothing.  However, the biggest reason is that you don't slow down or stop the emotional spiral.  Therefore, you suffer more and longer and become more and more upset.  Many of the Mods believe that having an experience like that delays your overall healing.  They think that if you are panicking your body stops healing until you calm down.  I suppose it's also possible that the adrenaline or cortisol level during these panic periods could set your healing back, too.  That's what I've been able to figure out over the months I've been reading Mods' responses to people in distress.

 

Lets face it, we can't always do "the right thing."  We can't always remember to use a technique.  Sometimes we panic.  Sometimes we mess up.  Having a doctor tell me he was reducing my Xanax after I was addicted would qualify as an event that would completely freak me out.  Recovery from that would take a while.  After a scare like that I get depressed.  I have to really redirect my thinking to get through it.  The important thing is to avoid continual high anxiety spikes as best you can.  There's no reason to live from one anxious episode to another.  The techniques are there to help you avoid that.  

 

Nonetheless, I don't think the Mods or anyone else expects you to walk away from this forum and the support and understanding you have here.  In fact, I think that would be a big mistake.  

[Frogie]

This is my journal... (I also posted it on my Benzo thread)

 

Since I've now shaved my 30 days worth of Xanax, my insurance is not going to replace it. I will have to take a piece of the shaved piece with each dosage (that's what I did this morning). At least I saved them.

 

I will at least get my Xanax back next month. I had to almost beg my dr. He gave in and said to go ahead and go back up to my original dosage.

 

I feel like a failure though. I couldn't even do 3 days before becoming nauseous. I'm going to read the topics the mods gave me. Hopefully it will help.

 

That seems to happen everytime I taper my Lexapro too. I get nauseous for about 3 days. But it's starting to let up.

 

I'm going to start riding my exercise bike again. Hopefully that will help. And I have a yoga dvd that my fiancé bought me that I haven't even opened. I'm going to make a goal to do that. I just can't jump too fast into everything.

 

I just wish I could get off this Xanax. I see people do it on here all the time. I don't know why whimpy me can't do it. I went off so many drugs in 2015-2016, maybe that's why. I wonder if that phychiatrist took me off all that too soon and I'm paying for it.

 

Well, going to read about how to taper off Xanax. I saw Moonpie tapered off Ativan by shaving off .001 off her dosage every 4 days. Maybe I could try that every 10 days or so. Have to think about this... I wrote on her thread. Hopefully I'll hear back from her soon.

 

I do know I need to accept this and float through this. It's just going to be difficult for me. But I have to learn because I am a very impatient person. I want everything done now and have to learn it's not going to happen that way.

 

Well..enough said. I will update later. I'm going to go climb the wall and crawl out of my skin, that's how I feel today.

 

[Frogie]

33 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Frogie,

 

After the scare you had earlier this week when your doctor said to taper Xanax and the AD at the same time, it is natural that you were feeling bad.  Coming here for support through that was not wrong and was not harmful to others.  In fact, I think it's important that people see the pitfalls of telling doctors they are tapering and prepare for them as best they can.  Having a reserve of Xanax is apparently necessary given that doctors have no idea what is happening in our bodies during WD from ADs.  That is absolutely ridiculous -- that we have to be prepared for the ignorance of our doctors and for the pressures on them from equally ignorant officials.

 

Did you you ever hear the story of the PA (physicians assistant) who tried to get me hooked on Xanax? I was in terrible shape from the Zoloft -- high dose or poop-out or destabilization of CNS, who knows which -- and she, in consultation with the doctor, gave me 1.5 mg per day.  I had been taking 0.5 per day every three days to avoid addiction.  I had run out and was in between insurance policies.  So, I went to a small clinic for the first time with my empty bottle of Xanax and my bottle of Zoloft (150 mg).  The PA didn't ask how much I took or how often.  She didn't try to determine if I was addicted.  She assumed I was addicted because I was so anxious from the effects of the AD on my CNS.  She forced me to sign a contract that I would take the medication as prescribed!!!  I was so upset.  The contract said I couldn't go to another doctor for a prescription.  

 

I understand the idea behind the contract, of course, but the one size fits all medical care we get is dangerous and destructive. (They don't want people to sell their pills, of course.  Neither do I.) I had had an HMO.  I couldn't go back to that clinic again once my insurance was re-instated.  I had to go to the HMO doctor.  The PA knew that, but she was just requiring me to sign a form that everyone is required to sign.  I was just a number to her; not a person.  It's the same for my HMO.  That's how my Zoloft dose got so high.

 

I certainly had no intention of getting addicted to Xanax.  However, if I didn't sign the contract I knew I would have no relief from anxiety for emergencies.  I now know that the high dose of Zoloft had been prescribed to me through malpractice and was making my anxiety much worse.  In fact, the Zoloft put me in this condition we call WD, but you know the story.  Doctors don't believe in WD from ADs.  They believe what the pharmaceutical companies say.  And the pharmaceutical companies don't want people to avoid ADs and benzos.  So, viola!  "There is no AD WD and benzos "aren't that addictive.""  Prescribing benzos is the opposite of what they should do when ADs go wrong.

 

That was the last prescription of Xanax I had, I believe.  It was too dangerous for me to continue if doctors were going to force me to become addicted.  How some of them will look themselves in the mirror when the truth comes out, I don't know.  They will see what I see -- that the facts were there in front of them all along and they deliberately ignored them.  They are in a much better position to connect the dots.

 

Did that distract you a bit?  Give you a little something to think about other than your own troubles?  It seems your doctor has compassion and sees you as a person.  He may not understand the full reasons you are struggling so much, but he seems to understand that benzo addiction is serious and difficult.

 

I don't think the Mods want you to stop posting.  They want you to use the techniques that they give you because they know those are the only solutions. Getting support on this forum isn't enough.  Part of the reason that getting support isn't enough is that you are dependent on others for soothing.  However, the biggest reason is that you don't slow down or stop the emotional spiral.  Therefore, you suffer more and longer and become more and more upset.  Many of the Mods believe that having an experience like that delays your overall healing.  They think that if you are panicking your body stops healing until you calm down.  I suppose it's also possible that the adrenaline or cortisol level during these panic periods could set your healing back, too.  That's what I've been able to figure out over the months I've been reading Mods' responses to people in distress.

 

Lets face it, we can't always do "the right thing."  We can't always remember to use a technique.  Sometimes we panic.  Sometimes we mess up.  Having a doctor tell me he was reducing my Xanax after I was addicted would qualify as an event that would completely freak me out.  Recovery from that would take a while.  After a scare like that I get depressed.  I have to really redirect my thinking to get through it.  The important thing is to avoid continual high anxiety spikes as best you can.  There's no reason to live from one anxious episode to another.  The techniques are there to help you avoid that.  

 

Nonetheless, I don't think the Mods or anyone else expects you to walk away from this forum and the support and understanding you have here.  In fact, I think that would be a big mistake.  

Thanks Rosetta:

 

I'm sitting here in tears (while I want to climb a wall and climb out of my skin) because I feel like a failure. 

 

I freaked when when my dr told me I had to taper my Xanax. But with the help of Shep,and other mods, we came up with a plan. Well, what a joke. I couldn't last 3 days before I couldn't handle it. I feel like such a whimp because I see all these other people coming off these meds at much higher tapers and I couldn't do it. 

 

I've been on it for almost 10 years, I guess I'm addicted. You are so lucky that you were smart not to take it. And the funny thing is I started taking Xanax for a globulus something in my throat, not even anxiety. But now it's got my anxiety over the hill!

 

I asked my fiancé if I was going to be ok. He gave me a hug and kiss and said yes you will be fine. We will just take it slow. I have him, my 16 year old chihuahua Brownie, and I always forget my BFF, Susan. She lives 3,000 miles away unfortunately but we either talk or text daily. She has been through AD withdrawl, but she has been right next to me (on the phone).

 

I'm not perfect. No one is. Yes I panicked. Yes I messed up. But I'm going to get back on the horse.

 

I have my friends on here, and right now I really need them.

 

Thanks for talking to me. It helped a lot.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

I'm still writing in black, but not bold.

 

I failed... I panicked, I did things I should not have done and I failed.

 

I want to apologize to everyone for talking about my failure with Xanax. I was just angry with myself for not standing up to the dr and I was angry with the dr.

 

Maybe someday I'll make it. I just took 1 step forward and 20 steps back.

 

Please accept my apology.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

[joy2730]

You have not failed at all - you have discovered you are anxious about reducing Xanax - that is something you can work on.  Ironically the Xanac could actually be causing this anxiety.  Your doctor knows it is best to get you off it - he probably feels frustrated about the situation and how it will impact on your relationship.  You are also assuming you will have significant problems withdrawing from it - you might not have as bad a time as you are anticipating.  Nothing in life is to be feared - it is only to be understood.

 

Joy

[Frogie]

3 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

You have not failed at all - you have discovered you are anxious about reducing Xanax - that is something you can work on.  Ironically the Xanac could actually be causing this anxiety.  Your doctor knows it is best to get you off it - he probably feels frustrated about the situation and how it will impact on your relationship.  You are also assuming you will have significant problems withdrawing from it - you might not have as bad a time as you are anticipating.  Nothing in life is to be feared - it is only to be understood.

 

Joy

Thanks Joy:

 

I feel like I failed because I couldn't even make it 3 days. I feel pathetic.

 

My dr is very compassionate about my meds. I have no hard feelings toward him at all.

 

I failed, that's all there is to it. But 1 step forward 20 steps back like I said.

 

Do you get nauseous when tapering? That's my biggest problem.

 

Thanks for talking to me. I appreciate it.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

19 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Do you have any hobbies?  Are you able to sew, knit, crochet?  I think colouring in books may have been suggested before.  Jigsaw puzzles, crosswords?

Chessiecat:

 

I want to apologize for what I did.

 

I freaked out and panicked and couldn't get an answer.

 

I'm sorry for wasting your time.

 

I hope you will accept my apology.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[powerback]

Hi frogie watch out for that neuro guilt ,your doing an  amazing job ,hopeing you are  well soon and sending healing and compassionate vibes to you .

[Frogie]

Just now, powerback said:

Hi frogie watch out for that neuro guilt ,your doing an  amazing job ,hopeing you are  well soon and sending healing and compassionate vibes to you .

Thanks powerback:

 

I do have a lot of guilt right now. I failed after 3 days. Pretty pathetic lol...

 

Right now I don't think I'm doing amazing. I feel like I'm just getting by.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. Helps a lot.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[powerback]

1 minute ago, Frogie said:

Thanks powerback:

 

I do have a lot of guilt right now. I failed after 3 days. Pretty pathetic lol...

 

Right now I don't think I'm doing amazing. I feel like I'm just getting by.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. Helps a lot.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

I know how hard it is ,such a pain hey .I watch a lot of crime documentary's and theres a running theme with a lot of the nasty people in the world ,they simply don't have empathy and compassion,we need to take a leaf out of there book and be very careful in beating ourselves up   and actively remind ourselves of the great job we are doing at living with the cards we have been dealt with withdrawl .these criminals don't sit around and beat themselves up [but they should ].

I hope you get my drift ,I'm an awful man for the waffle 

[Frogie]

4 minutes ago, powerback said:

I know how hard it is ,such a pain hey .I watch a lot of crime documentary's and theres a running theme with a lot of the nasty people in the world ,they simply don't have empathy and compassion,we need to take a leaf out of there book and be very careful in beating ourselves up   and actively remind ourselves of the great job we are doing at living with the cards we have been dealt with withdrawl .these criminals don't sit around and beat themselves up [but they should ].

I hope you get my drift ,I'm an awful man for the waffle 

We watch true crime also. And no they don't care. I don't know why my emotions are all over. Well, I do. I tried to taper my Xanax, didn't work and I feel like I failed a lot of people here. I freaked out and panicked and wasn't doing what I should have done and wait for an answer. I feel like I've taken 1 step forward and 20 steps back. Do you ever get nauseous? Thanks...

[powerback]

10 minutes ago, Frogie said:

We watch true crime also. And no they don't care. I don't know why my emotions are all over. Well, I do. I tried to taper my Xanax, didn't work and I feel like I failed a lot of people here. I freaked out and panicked and wasn't doing what I should have done and wait for an answer. I feel like I've taken 1 step forward and 20 steps back. Do you ever get nauseous? Thanks...

Your human so give yourself a break ,you haven't let anyone down on here ,I get you about the 20 steps back ,I don't get a whole lot of nausea ,I do get huge panic and anxiety attacks and I'm learning to breathe through them and learn they pass ,I get massive anxiety tummy but I push through it and eat anyway ,I eat as healthy as I can to give my body the best nutrients I can  .my whole day can be consumed with buying fresh food  and cooking but the bonus is it keeps me busy .

One of by biggest symptoms is vivid nightmares . 

the last winter has been the sickest time of my whole life and by god its been a learning curve 

 

[Frogie]

9 minutes ago, powerback said:

Your human so give yourself a break ,you haven't let anyone down on here ,I get you about the 20 steps back ,I don't get a whole lot of nausea ,I do get huge panic and anxiety attacks and I'm learning to breathe through them and learn they pass ,I get massive anxiety tummy but I push through it and eat anyway ,I eat as healthy as I can to give my body the best nutrients I can  .my whole day can be consumed with buying fresh food  and cooking but the bonus is it keeps me busy .the last winter has been the sickest time of my whole life and by god its been a learning curve 

I'm really trying to give myself a break but it's so hard when you fail. I've had such a hard time with my Lexapro taper it isn't funny. Then my dr thinks it's ok to taper my Xanax. After freaking out and panicking, Shep came up with a great taper and I lasted 3 days. That's why I feel like such a failure. I obviously don't have anxiety because I take Xanax. But I get nauseous a lot. I don't know if it's my Lexapro or Xanax. I don't eat very healthy, but starting tomorrow my fiancé and I are. He is going on nutrisystem and I'm going to start eating a lot of chicken and veggies. I don't like to cook at all, my fiancé is a great cook. I'm sorry you've been sick. I'm getting used to being sick to my stomach daily. Maybe my stomach isn't sick maybe it's anxiety in there. Never thought of that?

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I'm really trying to give myself a break but it's so hard when you fail. I've had such a hard time with my Lexapro taper it isn't funny. Then my dr thinks it's ok to taper my Xanax. After freaking out and panicking, Shep came up with a great taper and I lasted 3 days. That's why I feel like such a failure. I obviously don't have anxiety because I take Xanax. But I get nauseous a lot. I don't know if it's my Lexapro or Xanax. I don't eat very healthy, but starting tomorrow my fiancé and I are. He is going on nutrisystem and I'm going to start eating a lot of chicken and veggies. I don't like to cook at all, my fiancé is a great cook. I'm sorry you've been sick. I'm getting used to being sick to my stomach daily. Maybe my stomach isn't sick maybe it's anxiety in there. Never thought of that?

ye exactly ,strong anxiety will supress hunger but if you think of your body like a car engine ,it needs fuel to run off .I'm not claiming diet is a total fix but its a major factor in living life ,let alone withdrawl ,chicken and vegies is a great start .start your day with 2 big glasses of water also ,hydration is big thing to keep up .

Thanks frogie ,ye its been brutal ,when your in the gutter the only way is up hey 

[Flowers]

Hi Frogie

 

You haven't failed - the time just wasn't right for you to taper the xanax. Tapering two drugs at the same time is a lot to take onboard and you need time to get your head around it. 

There will be a time that is right for you when you feel ready. In the meantime maybe you can work on something that will relax you and make you feel calmer.  Maybe even doing some more cycling? This will help you when the time comes to taper the xanax.  It is very scary stepping into the unknown and tapering but you have coped well with your lexapro taper. You might just be surprised how well you do tapering the xanax.

 

No one here is judging you.  You have made many successes in coming off other drugs and I think giving up smoking? Don't be too hard on yourself - it is better that you can go at your pace rather than be forced into it by your Dr.   You have it in you to do another taper after the lexapro  or before if you feel like it. You just need to find ways to keep calm and get some confidence.  

 

You will be fine. Give yourself a pat on the back at how far you have come so far. 

 

Love from Flowers xxx

[joy2730]

Hi Frogie

 

I get really sick at times when tapering - so sick I throw my food back up and end up lying on the bathroom floor with bad stomach pains - which stops within a few hours if I take more vital pram - it is horrible.

 

Joy